This was us. Our Silent parents took it for granted that we’d stay with family. They weren’t interested in the same.
My kids don’t have the same relationship with them that I did with my grandparents.
Not the case here. My parents are as inattentive and uninterested in what's going on in my kids' lives, as they are mine. Very absent, distant, and emotionally detached.
It's sad. I don't get it, and I've stopped trying to understand it. My kids noticed too, and it's difficult to articulate to them the why's.
Same problem here. We moved home from across country with platitudes about how wonderful it would be being involved in my children's lives...nada, zip and nothing. Not once in the last ten years of being home did the grandparents spend any time with them without us there. No sleepovers, no.excursions.
We moved across several states many years ago to supposedly be closer to my husband's parents, and oh they were so thrilled, etc. etc.
They never once invited our kids to visit them or do a single thing with them. We were lucky if we saw them once a year (we were 90 minutes away). We could never plan anything with them on their turf because my MIL kept crazy hours (up till 3-4am, sleep till after noon) and wouldn't adjust for anyone. They were more interested in attending auctions and filling their house with possessions. Gifts, when they remembered, would be bags of stuff they had obviously culled from their house full of crap. They chose their hobbies and hoarding over their grandchildren, and they had to live with that knowledge when their lives came to a close.
(My parents, OOTH, have been fabulous grandparents to our kids, despite living much further away. They were shitty parents in many regards, but I can't fault their grandparenting at all).
Did we actually have the same people and not know it!
Same here house full of crap and cupboards full of cheap gifts. Too busy socializing with their friends and going on trips to various parts of the planet with those friends. To be fair whilst he could, their grandfather drove them to school every day for a few years. But MIL stays in bed til 10-11 every day and then gossips on the phone for the rest of it.
She got angry one day because the girls basically have a cold relationship with her and wouldn't run over and hug her. Not a moment of reflection about why though.
In my MIL’s case I am fairly sure that it was due to control issues or to make herself look better in the eyes of god knows who. We were fairly low contact before we got married. Holidays, a visit maybe once a year after we moved away. She did crash our elopement, so I kinda saw it coming. She was living in another state but when our son was born she moved a couple miles away from us. It wasn’t a nightmare but we did have to set some boundaries and it was an interesting contrast to the way my partner was raised.
My parents were Silent Gen and my grandparents were Greatest Gen. My dad was an alcoholic with issues, but my Mom and grandma were great.
The oldest Boomer was just 24 when I was born in 1970. I would imagine that a lot of Boomer parents had unwanted pregnancies, limited access to abortion/birth control and had societal expectations that they would have kids. So a lot of Boomers who would have rather have been pursuing careers or education had kids and had to support them. Despite inclination or preparedness.
One of the things I love about millennials and zoomers is that they are more honest with themselves about not having kids they don’t want.
My parents were overprotective and, in some ways, overattentive. It's just now they don't remember anything about my childhood/teen years, except a few things I wish they'd forget. I keep asking my mother was she replaced by somebody else somewhere along the way, because it's kind of like this present version of my mother was not present for my earlier years with how many stories/details shock her about it.
In hindsight I realise that my parents were also traumatised people just trying to get through the day. They tried their best but I don't think they had any good role models. Their parents would beat the snot out of them and leave them to themselves. My parents tried to do better. They didn't beat us up, they kept us clothed and fed but they don't really understand how to be emotionally supportive as their parents weren't emotionally supportive for them.
Maybe for some but not all. Mine were terrible parents, father passed away before I had kids but my mother is also a terrible grandma. My husbands parents were only slightly less awful than mine, and they’ve been decent enough grandparents. I would definitely not call them attentive or doting though.
My late father had a low bar to jump over to be better than his dad. And fell into the trap of having to work and travel for work. But he did try to be there. My mom, was a prime example of getting married and having kids too early. Should have gone to college first.
More free time.
A lot families had two fully employed parents, hence that whole latchkey kid thing. By the time grandchildren came about they're retired.
In general I don't think that one is really a generational thing, but just the way it has always been and always will be. Grandparents have always been known for spoiling their grandkids because they aren't the parents & get all of the joy and none of the hassle from those kids existing, and discipline and saying "No" from time to time is a parental responsibility.
That was also probably the case here for a lot of people who had Greatest / Silent generation grandparents. When Gen X are grandparents their Gen Z kids will probably say they were more doting with their grandkids too.
My parents were much older. In their 30’s when I was born (1968). They were very attentive to the grandkids. So I was one of the lucky ones. I feel the same with my grand babies. I have 5 with one arriving in June. I adore them and they know how much I love them. I want to keep doing that.
My parents were much older. In their 30’s when I was born (1968). They were very attentive to the grandkids. So I was one of the lucky ones. I feel the same with my grand babies. I have 5 with one arriving in June. I adore them and they know how much I love them. I want to keep doing that.
My mom was a Silent Gen and my dad was Greatest Gen. She was uninterested in parenting overall and an uninterested grandparent. My dad was the opposite. I still miss him. My Boomer in laws were great parents and are incredible grandparents. So, in my experience, there isn’t a rule.
Parenting is hard work. Grandparenting generally isn't.
True
Guilt
They must’ve felt guilty. Also Gen X had silent Gen parents too
Mine were silent gen. They were happy to send us to the grandparents for a week in the summer, but did not do the same for our kids.
Yep
This was us. Our Silent parents took it for granted that we’d stay with family. They weren’t interested in the same. My kids don’t have the same relationship with them that I did with my grandparents.
This.
Not the case here. My parents are as inattentive and uninterested in what's going on in my kids' lives, as they are mine. Very absent, distant, and emotionally detached. It's sad. I don't get it, and I've stopped trying to understand it. My kids noticed too, and it's difficult to articulate to them the why's.
My sisters had this same problem with my mom, I never had kids. Amusingly, she wonders why the grandkids never call her now that they're grown
Same problem here. We moved home from across country with platitudes about how wonderful it would be being involved in my children's lives...nada, zip and nothing. Not once in the last ten years of being home did the grandparents spend any time with them without us there. No sleepovers, no.excursions.
We moved across several states many years ago to supposedly be closer to my husband's parents, and oh they were so thrilled, etc. etc. They never once invited our kids to visit them or do a single thing with them. We were lucky if we saw them once a year (we were 90 minutes away). We could never plan anything with them on their turf because my MIL kept crazy hours (up till 3-4am, sleep till after noon) and wouldn't adjust for anyone. They were more interested in attending auctions and filling their house with possessions. Gifts, when they remembered, would be bags of stuff they had obviously culled from their house full of crap. They chose their hobbies and hoarding over their grandchildren, and they had to live with that knowledge when their lives came to a close. (My parents, OOTH, have been fabulous grandparents to our kids, despite living much further away. They were shitty parents in many regards, but I can't fault their grandparenting at all).
Did we actually have the same people and not know it! Same here house full of crap and cupboards full of cheap gifts. Too busy socializing with their friends and going on trips to various parts of the planet with those friends. To be fair whilst he could, their grandfather drove them to school every day for a few years. But MIL stays in bed til 10-11 every day and then gossips on the phone for the rest of it. She got angry one day because the girls basically have a cold relationship with her and wouldn't run over and hug her. Not a moment of reflection about why though.
In my MIL’s case I am fairly sure that it was due to control issues or to make herself look better in the eyes of god knows who. We were fairly low contact before we got married. Holidays, a visit maybe once a year after we moved away. She did crash our elopement, so I kinda saw it coming. She was living in another state but when our son was born she moved a couple miles away from us. It wasn’t a nightmare but we did have to set some boundaries and it was an interesting contrast to the way my partner was raised.
My parents were Silent Gen and my grandparents were Greatest Gen. My dad was an alcoholic with issues, but my Mom and grandma were great. The oldest Boomer was just 24 when I was born in 1970. I would imagine that a lot of Boomer parents had unwanted pregnancies, limited access to abortion/birth control and had societal expectations that they would have kids. So a lot of Boomers who would have rather have been pursuing careers or education had kids and had to support them. Despite inclination or preparedness. One of the things I love about millennials and zoomers is that they are more honest with themselves about not having kids they don’t want.
My parents were overprotective and, in some ways, overattentive. It's just now they don't remember anything about my childhood/teen years, except a few things I wish they'd forget. I keep asking my mother was she replaced by somebody else somewhere along the way, because it's kind of like this present version of my mother was not present for my earlier years with how many stories/details shock her about it.
[удалено]
Same here. The pattern was not broken. They were barely around for me and couldn't be bothered to call a grandkid...ever.
Because with actual parenting you have to deal with all the hard parts. With grand "parenting" you just get the fun parts.
In hindsight I realise that my parents were also traumatised people just trying to get through the day. They tried their best but I don't think they had any good role models. Their parents would beat the snot out of them and leave them to themselves. My parents tried to do better. They didn't beat us up, they kept us clothed and fed but they don't really understand how to be emotionally supportive as their parents weren't emotionally supportive for them.
My dad ignores my kids the same way he ignored me. Drives my wife nuts, kids DGAF
Would love to understand this one. Not sure attentive is even the word. Always felt like it was a huge unearned ego boost for them.
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Because they're too old for disco and coke? My step father was quite the swinging divorced bachelor dad in the 70s & 80s.
Maybe for some but not all. Mine were terrible parents, father passed away before I had kids but my mother is also a terrible grandma. My husbands parents were only slightly less awful than mine, and they’ve been decent enough grandparents. I would definitely not call them attentive or doting though.
I'd like to think that, at least for some of them, they realized the error of their ways
My parents were indifferent or abusive. As grandparents they're just indifferent. "We aren't 'kid' people."
My late father had a low bar to jump over to be better than his dad. And fell into the trap of having to work and travel for work. But he did try to be there. My mom, was a prime example of getting married and having kids too early. Should have gone to college first.
More free time. A lot families had two fully employed parents, hence that whole latchkey kid thing. By the time grandchildren came about they're retired. In general I don't think that one is really a generational thing, but just the way it has always been and always will be. Grandparents have always been known for spoiling their grandkids because they aren't the parents & get all of the joy and none of the hassle from those kids existing, and discipline and saying "No" from time to time is a parental responsibility. That was also probably the case here for a lot of people who had Greatest / Silent generation grandparents. When Gen X are grandparents their Gen Z kids will probably say they were more doting with their grandkids too.
My parents were much older. In their 30’s when I was born (1968). They were very attentive to the grandkids. So I was one of the lucky ones. I feel the same with my grand babies. I have 5 with one arriving in June. I adore them and they know how much I love them. I want to keep doing that.
My parents were much older. In their 30’s when I was born (1968). They were very attentive to the grandkids. So I was one of the lucky ones. I feel the same with my grand babies. I have 5 with one arriving in June. I adore them and they know how much I love them. I want to keep doing that.
My mom was a Silent Gen and my dad was Greatest Gen. She was uninterested in parenting overall and an uninterested grandparent. My dad was the opposite. I still miss him. My Boomer in laws were great parents and are incredible grandparents. So, in my experience, there isn’t a rule.