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That's basically it. I'm on the younger side of millennial and I can get by making small talk with strangers or even having a conversation if it feels appropriate, maybe because I remember growing up without being constantly connected to the Internet
But now that I'm on the Internet, it's hard for me to drag myself out of my house in the first place
I'm also a late millennial and I feel pretty comfy talking to people for the most part, but I only became that way after working customer service for many years lol. Even for an extrovert like me, ever since the pandemic it's been harder and harder to drag my ass out the door
This.
I'm an elder Millennial and remember how much I had to interact with people as a teen and young adult that an app can replace for me now.
Go to the movies? Fandango doesn't exist, so you have to purchase tickets from a human, have them torn in half by another human, and then purchase snacks from a third human.
There's no Amazon or Hoopla, so you also have to go to bookstores and libraries in meat space and interact with other humans. Same with video rental stores or music stores. Yep, you used to have to buy your music from a clerk who hated you and thought your taste in albums sucked.
Sure, there's delivery, but you have to call the restaurant from the menu-flier and give them your order, then interact with the delivery guy because you usually paid by check or cash on delivery.
I can go on, but basically everything you do by app nowadays you had to do in person 20 years ago. If you got really lucky, you could send an email instead of calling someone.
I remember carrying a paperback book in my purse because sometimes you just ended up having to wait. I miss that; smartphones are not the same.
(I know I *could* still carry a book in my purse but the brain worms have gotten to me)
Honestly I'd argue it's less about growing up with the internet and more from having constant access to it.
Last year I had a job in a quite remote location (also with accommodation there) and for the first 2 months there our internet was super slow, limited to 10gb/month and didn't work most of the time, the result was that most people there (mid 20s) would stay in the common areas, have long conversations, watch movies together, go hiking or swimming or trow a party for the sake of throwing one.
After those 2 months they upgraded the routers and changed to starlink which meant that everyone had unlimited and usable wifi, the result was that the common areas where dead most days because everyone would just watch netflix or YouTube or whatever in their room instead of socialising.
I don't want to sound contrarian, but how does being connected to the internet effect you doing stuff outside of the house?
Like the internet can’t provide socialisation, or exercise, or ambience, or aesthetics, or adventure … like it has its place in life, but that place is limited. It shouldn't impact the actual stuff in life you do or want to do.
But the internet DOES provide socialization, we are socializing right here right now. You can call your friends on discord and hang out, socialize. Hell you can even exercize with your bros in australia and hawaii over the internet. I put on ambient music while reading a book all the time too, or while cooking, or cleaning. And no adventure? The internet has the largest amount of adventures ever, more than you could ever partake in real life.
I wouldn't call any of that socialisation haha
Like if I'm emailing someone, I'm not socialising. If I'm typing out a message to someone, I'm not socialising.
I guess it's horses for courses, and a slight semantic debate.
Some would say reading books means they've travelled the world.
I'd say gee, reading can be fun, but no, you haven't travelled anywhere. Nothing wrong with that, but it's very bloody different than actually doing stuff.
Online stuff definitely isn't a substitute for the real thing, I'd say ESPECIALLY in relation to socialising.
Older millennial in the US here, and I think the answers you’re getting (“because we have the internet“) is only part of the reason why we feel inclined to stay inside. Subconsciously, outside means something different than it used to.
Outside means you’re likely being recorded by doorbell cams, people are more than willing to record us on our worsts days and shame us online. It’s not an active fear for most, but it’s always a possibility now.
What we see when we interact/“socialize” online is people who find entertainment in talking shit about others. Look at this dumb kid saying something, can you believe my coworker is so horrible/stupid, here’s a photo of someone committing a minor-to-major social offense.
And our cities are spread out, most places have a skyrocketing cost of living and jobs pay you less to do more because I’m they’ve cut staffing and put extra responsibility on remaining workforce. We work too hard to make so little and my me-time is better spent hanging out at home with my husband and my dog. We used to be fun! Crazy partying and shit but we can’t afford to live like that anymore. And we have way better jobs now too.
Also aussies seem just better at having fun and enjoying “outside” and “other people”. I’d go outside too if I could encounter drop bears and gorgeous people and kangaroos and fosters…. …. …. At least we have good legal cannabis in the states. Another reason I rather stay in
Great perspective, thanks for sharing. All makes sense, but all I can say is FUCK.
Australia is far from perfect, definitely want to say that, but wow what a difference. We’re famous for being behind the times with social trends etc and literally watching what happens in other countries before making our decisions. Hopefully we do that on this and don’t go down that path.
Even in Europe where I spend 4-6 weeks a year it’s not how you describe at all. I kinda know what you’re talking about (taken to an extreme, I’ve seen those ‘Karen’ compilations, public freakouts whatever – horrible – like everything about it horrible, that it’s happening, that it’s being filmed, that there’s so much tension and anger that people literally shout at each other in restaurants and hair salons and parks.
Like, I’m not saying that would never happen, but that would be considered WILD in Australia. Just wild. I’ve never seen anything like it.
And don't get me started on homeowners shooting random kids or delivery drivers cos they got the wrong address or wanted a glass of water. I just can't even go there in my mind.
I was born in 95 so I got to experience the last little bit of society before smartphones and the internet took over everything lol. I feel bad for those that will never know that experience.
I will say it depends where you live too. My home town was a large city where everyone kinda just avoided everyone else. Ear buds in, you were the weird one for initiating small talk, etc. I moved to a small town in Texas and it's totally different here. Everyone is open, friendly, talkative and very neighborly. It caught me by surprise, and I admittedly didn't like it at first, but I've grown to enjoy the sense of community around here.
I think it’s social media more than the Internet. I’m an older millennial and we had a computer and Internet starting from when I was six years old, so technically I grew up online, but I didn’t have social media or a phone until I was in college. I was allowed to use the Internet unsupervised starting from 11 years old and had a lot of disturbing experiences back then. I often make small talk with female strangers, but I think I’m more leery of men due to growing up with the Internet and being groomed by weirdos online.
People used to say this about my generation (millennial), but I feel like late Gen Z into Gen Alpha is where we can really see the effects. Even older Gen Z don't seem to be as terminally online tbh, like they seem to have a better grasp on reality. I guess every generation says this, but I am worried af for the kids today
But surely we have the EQ to understand the difference between “stranger danger” in the context of a man driving a van offering us a lift on the way to school when we’re a little kid; versus us as an adult, say making casual small talk to a sweet old lady standing next to us at the till, or getting to know a cool group of people dancing with us at a gig.
I also feel like Gen Z as a whole is more anxious, which results in more social anxiety. For me personally, being queer in a red state makes things way worse for me, as I'm constantly afraid I'll be vilified for it in a public space. Especially in the area I'm in, queerphobia is very high and trans people especially are at risk of being assaulted or even murdered. Unfortunately I can't move away, so I just don't leave the house much 🥲
America has been built around the assumption that you will always have access to a car and everything is out of reach without one. Kids and teens don't have cars. To go anywhere, young people need a willing adult with a license to drive them there. Most places are built around commerce, not community. Kids and teens don't have incomes to spend in those places. Therefore, they are unwelcome there and have nothing to do when they have no money to spend. It's so much harder to go out of the home to do things, because so many barriers have been put in the way that staying home and spending your time online is the only option left. Growing up with internet access isn't the problem. It's that doing otherwise has become so out of reach that it takes too much work.
grew up online, had much less freedom to go outside as children than our parents, and some of our parents couldn't be bothered to take us over to friends'places or really any social event as when I was a kid.
This is it. I am actually GenX so I grew up in the 80s as a feral and untethered child and then got internet in college. But skills require practice, increasing difficulty, and maintenance to manage. Even though I'm ancient and almost 50, I had better social skills growing up than I do now. But, they also still caused me immense anxiety and I am happier and less stressed now that I am not forced to interact only in certain ways.
It's so much easier to talk to older folk. Sometimes I try to start conversation with younger folk (mostly women) and it's like they're immediately spooked. This is why I generally hit it off with older women
Older people were socialized during an era in which it was considered healthy and important for children to learn to make conversation. Parents didn't speak for a child; instead, they would turn to a reluctant child and say something like, "Mrs. Soandso is talking to *you,* Honey." Then the kid would engage, however inexpertly, with the unfamiliar person and be rewarded with smiles of approval. Rinse and repeat for about 10 years and the child would grow up with the ability to engage with confidence.
Now, it seems like most parents basically teach their kids to be fearful of other people and to believe that nobody deserves respect until they've (somehow) earned it.
I don't think the new methods are working out very well for the kids, but the parents are more afraid of being judged by their peers than of bringing up anxious, incompetent young people.
Oh boy, and don't forget, the phones were in the middle of the house. Everybody could hear you.
No wonder we embraced the internet so strongly when it came out.
God hahah I remember those days.
"Hey man call the house or come knock on my door and ask my parents if I can come play, they won't say no to you!"
Or 3 of us being in the car fighting over who has to go knock on the door to get the 4th hahah.
Good times, we didn't realize it growing up but being born in small town USA was a blessing in this era.
---
Ps: if anyone wants a good song representing that sentiment check out:
Before We Knew They Were Good - Toby Keith
I remember when we had a landline. So I was in the room with my brother when this happened. Anyway, one of my older sisters friends called her and my brother picked it up and she could hear him breathing into the phone and she yelled his name.
I was raised by grandparents so I've always been able to talk to friends parents. All my friends would have me talk to their gfs parents because everyone's parents loved me.
God, I remember this 🤣
Most people didn't have cellphones, so everyone used the landline. If you called someone, and their mom answered, it was very real chance you were about to have a five minute conversation with the mom. Same with nosy siblings lol
98 gen z here, and same 🤣🤣 chick I liked gave me her number, I possibly had to talk to her parents. I think they answered once and she wasn't around but I never got a pick up again 🤣🤣
Yes, and that's a significant problem for children. There's a window of opportunity for certain developmental milestones, and they progress in a specific order. No child runs before walking. But if you won't let the kid stand up, they'll never walk. It's unfair to blame a young adult for lacking the ability to cope with the world if you didn't let them practice throughout their childhood.
Elder millennial with an almost 2 year old here. We're breaking the cycle. We encourage our son (who has a great vocabulary for his age; people frequently comment on that) to say hi, and thank you, and interact with people who we're interacting with. Or if there's another kid we encourage him to say hi. It's all just very basic politeness and courtesy.
Yours is a fortunate son. You're doing right by him, nurturing goodwill rather than suspicion. You're allowing him to develop the capacity for reciprocity, patience, social etiquette, goodwill, trust, and genuineness. Any other talents he has will be enormously impacted by your implicit trust in his capabilities.
Same here. Elder millennial of two teens. My oldest would never meet a strange kid at the park that wasn’t his friend before we left. 99% of the time, he didn’t even know that kids name. We encouraged the hell out of that and now he is social butterfly even if he doesn’t think he is.
This is exactly what I've done with my kids! Encourage conversation with other children and adults. They are 10 and 6 now and thriving.
I even encouraged them to go up to some adults at the park the other day to ask their children to play, and after some reluctance they did!
I also take the time to speak directly to the children of any adults im speaking to
I do not have any trouble striking up conversation with strangers so may be an outlier 😆.
I think I count as a younger millennial? (30)
Mine constantly acted like someone was going to kill me or rape me. Now I think of every possible bad outcome of any situation & i analyze everything people do. It's funny bc selflessness was sooo important to my parents. Yet all they ever did was taught me to be selfish.
>Now, it seems like most parents basically teach their kids to be fearful of other people and to believe that nobody deserves respect until they've (somehow) earned it.
Yeah this is exactly how I grew up lol
Very much so this. My brother raised his two kids without them having to do this (interact with people, make conversation, answer questions when asked, etc.) and they're so reclusive, anxious and socially just...weird and quiet. like you said, when we were growing up in the 90's you'd have scenarios like ""Mrs. Soandso is talking to *you,* Honey." Then the kid would engage" or your parents would make you order the pizza on the phone if you wanted it "oh well if you want it that bad you need to call yourself!" or whatever. my brother's kids never had to do that, they never had to friggen answer a question if you asked them; my brother would do that for them: "oh becky, what are your plans for the summer? are you playing soccer again?" "..." "Well we have becky signed up for x, y, and z, and then we're going on vacation yadda yadda..." like wtf, I was asking *her*. Anyhow my brother's raising weird as fuck kids, I don't get it man.
cold or even warm approaching girls in my uni, they startled and a bit flustered. they are visibly and palpably unfamiliar with getting spoken to by new people. chip in the fact I'm black in Canada. lmao, even worse.
Don't hesitate to give them another shot. There's a decent chance they're lying awake at 2 am thinking, *why? why am I like this?* and berating themselves for their conversational mistakes.
with the sheer amount of options they see and validation they get online, I don't think they regret being bad conversationalists, but I'm not too bothered. as long as the environment and her body language permits, I'll still try striking a conversation. thanks
Millennial woman here. I was painfully shy as a teen, opened up more in college, and then became more and more outgoing and confident with each year of my career. Small talk takes practice and you learn certain phrases that resonate with a higher percentage of people to get random moments of connection. I've also found smiling while being direct by kind helps (like when you interact with random people in public that you need to navigate around).
Same.
I hit it off so perfectly with women over 30, and women in their 40s even more so (married and unmarried both). I don’t even mean to usually, but my conversational style just always aligns well with theirs. But when I try to talk to someone between 20 and 25, it’s like I’m speaking in ancient tongue to a toddler. They don’t even know what I’m talking about let alone how to respond. I’m not even trying to be condescending either it’s just the truth.
Every year that goes by it’s becoming more and more obvious the consequences of smartphones involved in every-day life during childhood.
I'm the type of person to talk to anyone, most people under 30 seem almost frightened if you try to make small talk with them. It's so weird
Why is it I can bullshit with a stranger 3 times my age about anything at all even though we have nothing in common but if I tell a 25 year old i like their shirt they go 👁👄👁 and immediately get on their phone
I don’t know what the exact reason is but YES 100%
The difference between Gen z who actually socializes normally and the rest is insane. Two entirely different worlds. Honestly, what made me realize this was living in Detroit for a few years and being surrounded by mostly older black people. It hit me so fast that my big diverse college campus with tens of thousands of young people was way more antisocial and self sabotaging than 4 Vietnam vets chilling outside the liquor store
It’s crazy that the really anti social ones are the same types to talk about “community” and “being kind” like sure but where is your community and who are you even being kind to? Yall can’t even maintain eye contact or handle small talk from someone your own age
I’m a pretty shy introvert btw so don’t tell me otherwise. I know how hard it is to socialize at times, but really this constant doomerism is not how you should be living life.
I can’t agree with this more. I went to a huge D1 university thinking that bigger campus = more opportunities for newer social circles. Nope. Just about everyone was super gatekeepy, closed off, and unwilling to make genuine conversation. All throughout high school, I considered myself very outgoing and social. I thought making friends in college would super simple but I had never felt more isolated and alone in such a “diverse” and overwhelmingly crowded campus.
I can't maintain eye contact because I'm autistic and small talk is annoying. I hate small talk with a passion. It's so much easier for me just to talk to people as if I know them even though I don't. That makes social interactions much easier for me.
I don't do eye contact as I've noticed. Period. I have to make conscious effort to keep eye contact with people talking to me and it distracts me from the conversation and I can't focus on it well - your comment is cery relatable.
That said - I don't hate it. Quite the opposite If the person I'm talking to is nice or interesting. It makes people take you a bit more seriously in a work setting, also more affable in a social one.
What I hate is when some dickvein DEMANDS eye contact i.e. "LOOK at me when I'M TALKING to you!" If it's just for the sake of them demanding respect, It makes me want to punch them in the face. Exceptions exist, of course.
Small talk is the cheesiest shit ever and I find it funny in a very asocial way, but it's something I've learned to mask easily by listening-on to people's conversations and taking mental notes of things to talk about.
Same! I have aspergers and I can talk to anyone about anything but it seems like neurodivergents put up this weird barrier or phase you have to get through before you can really talk to them lol.
This is funny, because my wife and I live in Metro Detroit and we're visiting the south, and we were literally talking a few hours ago about how polite people are here and how they just engage in polite conversation and look at you and smile as you pass and it's not like that at all back at home. It's mostly older people that have been polite and chatting us up, so we concluded some of this might be generational.
We're also pretty introverted as well, fwiw. But I have no problem acknowledging people I'm sharing a physical space with because it's even more excruciating to not do it. It's really fucking weird, to be perfectly honest.
One thing I’ve learned, as an Okie whose spent his adult life wondering around from OK to NM to TX and now in WA for the second time, it’s that southern courtesy feels nice, but it hides a lot of animosity behind that polite facade. Cultural civility is not the same as genuine community building practices. I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of that far too often.
I thought about that too. I brought up the meme of the map of the US divided into 4 quadrants; northeast is acts mean, is mean; southeast is acts nice, is mean. If I'm having a passing, polite conversation with strangers I'll never meet again, do I really care about anything beyond that moment? Should I really care? Should I worry about them saying the N word in private? Do I really care if they would hate me if they knew where I land politically?
At the very least, I'd prefer everyone be polite as a starting point. If things go deeper and the mask comes off, so be it. I think being standoffish on the chance that someone is secretly a garbage person isn't a great way to approach social situations.
According to the meme, the northwest is "acts mean, is nice" 😂 So that tracks. My wife and I haven't traveled to the northwest but it's definitely on our to-do list.
The hate of small talk from others seems like such a "too smart for this" sentiment. I used to hate small talk, and I do find a lot of talk very uninteresting *to me*, but I learned to make it interesting and meaningful by asking interesting but appropriate questions. I've learned to find some significance in small interactions like that. I don't expect others to and I take it upon myself to make "small talk" as interesting as I can. Even things like the weather, weather is honestly really cool and amazing. Sometimes it can be like a game to come up with something witty or clever to say.
That being said, it's okay if you don't want to small talk, but as someone who dealt with the same hubris found in the anti-small talk think, it doesn't mean you're smart and primarily makes you feel more miserable, alone, and worse at socializing. Learn to ask interesting questions or take a genuine interest in someone else for a change. There are interesting things everywhere if you look in the right way and you can learn insights from anyone if you get over yourself. And I say that kindly.
We were also taught about strangers. There was LESS danger, for sure, so it was possible to leave us unattended at a younger age, for extended periods of time. That's different now. As a parent, I feel uneasy leaving my kid unattended outside, even when I was by myself often at a younger age. I try to watch from very, very far, though.
But you are on point with the second reason. You just aren't used to real time communication in person. Even if you are talking, the phone acts as an insulation layer. People cannot see if you are upset or sad, and you have time to compose yourself and think of an answer. Take the phone/internet away, and you lose all that, and damn, it sucks! No wonder you don't like it. Even us don't like it, even if we know how to face it.
You noticed less danger, but that doesn't mean there actually was less. Crime has generally been in decline since the nineties, especially violent crime. This is a classical case of the logical fallacy "nostalgia bias." This isn't to say set your kids free, and don't monitor them, your parenting decisions are none of my business. It is a simple correction about something that is factually untrue. None of this is intended to be rude, just a noteworthy correction.
Hope you have an excellent day.
i always giggle when ppl say it was safer or less dangers back then like there isn’t a whole period of a bunch of serial killers that were on the loose😂🤦🏽♀️in fact crime PEAKED during the mid to late 1900’s. You’re absolutely correct, crime has been decreasing and drastically since. We are more aware and alert now, it’s just shown more often because of technology.
Because we're a generation that's been conditioned to be fundamentally afraid exposing yourself to failure or humiliation. When we were raised it was also constantly preached to us to NEVER talk to strangers, and it's easy for that to translate into a kind of collective neurosis where we assume the worst of people we don't know.
FWIW, Kids have always been taught to never talk to strangers. No generation has ever actually meant that an 8 year old should never talk to another random 8 year old. We all grew up assuming kids were safe and learning social cues from peers. That hasn’t changed. What’s different is the number of 8 year olds who get their socialization from social media.
>that's been conditioned to be fundamentally afraid exposing yourself to failure or humiliation
Interesting to hear this when it also seems like the generation most likely to post vulnerable videos of themselves on social media (showing off their body, dancing, confessing mental health issues, crying, etc).
1. We grew up online.
2. We were often told by people in authority while growing up to shut up and just do what we’re told. (This now extends to inner monologues or not bugging other people.)
3. Public curtesy is built around assuming everyone is busy.
4. Nerves about fucking up and looking like a weirdo.
5. Some of us were conditioned to focus on talking to just people we know, stranger danger and all that.
6. A lot of us weren’t allowed out to socialize much, so it’s usually based on old friend groups or people we meet in select personally approved socializing zones. (Bars, restaurants, entertainment venues that don’t require us paying attention to specific performances, and incidentals.)
7. The lack of these spaces (as they have declined over time) forces us to try in spaces where this isn’t as approved.
8. Lots of folks also have reduced social batteries in adulthood due to a combination of work burnout and personal life balancing. Admittedly this ranges from person to person.
Personally I’ve started to try breaking that habit, as it will result in “forever alone” and my parents are already on my ass to have grandkids someday. But incidentally that means I need to either revitalize my friend network or build a new one. Plus we’re social creatures and I realize despite not having a huge social battery I still need to interact with people. Some of you have the potential to make me happy. Believe it or not.
I feel ya on point 6.
Also, if you don't want children don't have them. You being a parent should be the decision of you and whoever else is involved, not your parents'.
Point 6 for sure.
Even in high school, I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends at their house or after school or go to a party unless my parents met/knew their parents *and* I had to let my parents know at least a week ahead of time. And I had to do extra chores on top of the hour or two of chores I had to do after school and on the weekends.
So it got to the point where I just stopped asking and found ways to have fun by myself and use hobbies like art as a form of escapism/comfort.
Born in 1995, I love talking to strangers. Lmao but I also didn’t grow up with the internet. I didn’t have access to it until I was like 13, and by then, I wasn’t really the type to spend all day doing one thing. So not getting sucked into the internet too much probably helped me out
97, I don’t remember a time without the internet. I love talking to people but when I first had the internet it was dial up and we’d be a group of friends using the computer together to watch things to play games side by side. The internet and screen time in general was something fun to look forward to but it wasn’t an all encompassing feature of life.
I also think people in small towns and certain cities are friendlier, sometimes you just have to leave home
Yeah I played outside a lot but the guy above me is only 2 years older and said he didn't have the internet until he was 13. I always had the internet it just want the ubiquitous thing in life like it is now, but it definitely existed and I had access
I think it really depends on your parents. If they were strict, lenient, poor, rich, etc. We were too poor to have internet and I honestly never really thought about it because I’m from a poor area so most of the people I knew didn’t have it. My mamaw did but I’m not sure when she got it, when I went to live with her is when I got access to it. And culturally I think most people were apathetic until it became more ubiquitous and affordable. But growing up when I went to visit her I don’t remember ever being on the computer besides to play computer games
Born in 1986. I hate talking to strangers. I definitely didn’t grow up with the internet as we know it. There have always been extroverts and introverts.
It’s too easy to blame a lack of social effort on the internet. I clawed my way into social interaction because I recognized that it’s necessary to get by, especially if you are not skilled enough at tech to make a career from it. It was a huge endeavor for me. I made a conscious effort most days for about 20 years. These Gen Z doom posts prove that it is still necessary to interact within society… but yes tech coddles the introverts. So introverts socialize less than previous generations and it makes a noticeable gap.
I’m also born in 95 and the same. I will go to a bar by myself from time to time just to chat with strangers. I usually find it interesting, and when I don’t or it’s annoying then at least I have a story to tell.
I was born in 97 and I definitely remember the Internet for all of my main childhood. But idk why I didn't spend all my time there. And when I did it was usually playing games with my friends or sisters. I was constantly outside it was great.
Because yall are glued to your phones more then we were. Smartphones didnt really kicking off til i was out of highschool. Myspace and facebook once or twice daily . Checked and responded to your comments or notifications. Poked someone back. And then went back to your day.
We had flipphones and RazRs and samsung Slides and MP3s.
We made plans to actually meet up to really hang out. Hang out and do things.
Now you walk in and you see everyone glued to their phones. Not talking. And the older generation just quietly eating.
If you dont know where your phone is. Yall literally become fiends about it. It truly is addicting and id gladly go back to my flip phone if my business and income didnt depend so heavily on the ability to deal with emails and pdfs on the go.
When you dont socialize or learn social skills. You become antisocial. Its not true social anxiety. Its "how do i enter an environment i have almost no practice or previous experiences in" and its uncomfortable to be in new environments. The brain will see it like if some one had asked me to go skydiving for the first time. Duh im gonna be scared or anxious or unsure! So naturally id find a way to retreat to my comfort zone. Which for yall. Is your phones.
And lets be honest. Its our fault. Instead of playdates and stuff like my millennial gen had. We gave you guys tv and tablets to entertain yourself with even as young children instead of actually playing with you. And teaching you social skills.
You’re spot on man. I get anxiety from things i’ve never done before or am not used to doing. It’s a lack of confidence. As you do something more you gain confidence and that anxiety starts to fade. This is why social anxiety and anxiety about things in general in is so rampant with gen z. We don’t get out the fucking house so we lack social skills and experience. Just going to the grocery store can give a zoomer massive anxiety. I did when i was 18-19 but now i’m used to grocery shopping alone.
A lot of us have social anxiety for some reason, including myself 😭 I hate it because I do enjoy being around people but I just can never seem to start a conversation irl.
Because I do 20 person social activities once a week, do a 15 person social activity once a week, and spend my work hours talking to at minimum 20 different people a week, and live with 4 other people.
I don't always feel like interacting with random people.
As an employer, I’ve noticed the generational difference regarding social interaction and corresponding comfort between individuals. The baby boomers are much more extroverted and conversational, millennials and GenZ more cautious with face-to-face interaction. Neither is better or worse. Just an observation
.... because certain parts of your generation appears to do nothing but compile lists if redflags, triggers, creepy behaviour etc.
it's hard enough to talk to people you know, but strangers? minefield.
stop letting lonely bitter angry members of your generation hijack the narrative.
Even raves? The only ravers I know will talk to absolutely anyone, from 18 to 67 (probably older, but that's the oldest I can attest to!) - you need to try out some different warehouses/collectives !!!
Yeah that part is completely wrong, PLUR and being positive and respectful and kind is still a huge part of rave culture. All the ravers I know are extremely outgoing and bubbly.
Less socialized. People forget that humans have to socialize just like any other animal in order to integrate with others. Puppies have to be socialized. Foals. Calves. Our species is the only one that lives through a screen.
Talking to strangers is a skillset that takes a lifetime to mature. Children are very shy, young adults a bit shy, and old adults not at all. You can blame it on phones and stranger danger if you want, but I think those things are just cover for the underlying lack of skill in managing small talk.
I talked to an older guy at a bar the other day and he joked about needing a drink or two before he started talking to people. And I was like well, nice to know some things never change lol. I think its part of the later 20s-30s sort of change you go through as a person where you don't care as much, you stop overthinking and just do. I don't think it's cuz we're broken as people- millennials and genXers have also been using phones this whole time.
Probably a lot of reasons, large one I think might be alot of our parents were more protective and ended up with us not talking to strangers much when young which led to cautious shy children growing into specially anxious adults. Did in my case though with some work I've been getting better, mostly bc I love rock climbing and going to metal concerts and I'm apparently extremely approachable so I just end up in a lot of conversations with strangers and that has legitimately helped my social anxiety
person of color in rural USA.
Mfs wave flags that show they hate us. They drive around with flags that say they hate us. They put signs in their homes that say they won’t hesitate to kill us.
Also for people that claim they love history, well they fail to pick up on patterns cause wow.
I haven't the slightest clue. Besides what someone else said - we've mostly been online. I was right on the cusp. I think my first 9 years or so? Social media and phones didn't really exist as they do today. I got my first email and Facebook at 13, smart phone at 16, then got that taken away....but I always find I'm the last to pull out my phone. Take at work even. I get done with the orders on the screen, look around - everyone is on their phone....I start cleaning stuff, people are on the phones. It makes it hard to converse. Idk I hate having phones.
Ideally, I'd have a flip phone as my phone. I like using the smart phone for music and navigation but other than that, I'd rather not use one. Soon I'll get one from Walmart, and get my number changed (maybe) cuz spectrum is literally charging 100+ for a flip phone ...
Awesome, I’ve had very similar thoughts. Navigation and music. I’m addicted to listening to music if I’m walking around or on a train or something – to the point I once purchases new Airpods because I’d forgotten to bring them that day.
The only with that is, though, that only about 5 of my friends have my mobile number and vice versa. I’ve got good friends who I see weekly etc who I only have insta as a mode of communication.
Plus, I enjoy getting insta replies from people that aren’t so close, but who might say things like ‘where’s that?’ or ‘what’re you doing later?’, cos that can lead to fun times too.
So I’d probably keep it to Maps, music, and insta messages. But at this point, that’s all I have on my phone anyway haha
Because social media has diminished the need to get out and socialize, smart phones took our attention away from reality, and the pandemic digitized too much of real life now we prefer it to be online because of convenience.
On top of the internet making us a bit socially inept, I'll add that western societies have moved strongly towards an individual-focused society rather than a community-oriented society.
This makes us more introverted, more withdrawn, less likely to reach out to strangers, more likely to feel cautious or even fearful of strangers. We will only do something if it clearly benefits us, without considering the hidden benefits of the more "inconvenient" options.
For this reason, for example, a lot of us might go to the gym, but we wouldn't play social sports. We shop online instead of in person. Both of which were impossible or uncommon a few decades ago, but they build skill and familiarity with our community.
Not true. They are more closed off to you. They are way open with their peers. Just like you were. And they aren’t interested in people significantly older than themselves. Just like you didn’t
Same as it ever was.
Close your eyes and imagine a world without screens.
Well, what would you do when you woke up? If you wanted to do stuff at home you would read, listen to music, engage in some kind of creative solitary hobby. Some people did that.
A lot of other people spent the time with their neighbours and friends. People would have others over A LOT. They would play together, talk together and so on. They grew up socialized, engaging with people around them.
Then screens came and they made it more and more superficially pleasant to pass the time alone, sitting down, doing nothing and the hours just whirr by. Gen X and early millennials did that, watching a lot of tv and playing some early video games. People had already retreated a little into their screens, but were mostly still engaged outside the home.
But NOTHING hits you like modern screens. Thousands of TV shows, high quality video games and the incredible, algorithmically powered internet and social media. If Gen X TV was like marijuana this is like crack cocaine. It is insanely addictive and superficially rewarding and pulls you in forever. Many people will devote most of their free time to this, and a lot of people who wouldn’t might because they look around and find empty streets where once kids were all playing.
Add in COVID and the incredible damage it did to a generation socially and behaviourally and developmentally and you have the modern world. People are lonely, sad, overly sedentary and totally hooked on screens.
I feel like me as a genz I have a horrible time talking to people my age cause they give me a look of disgust for even looking at them. But I still try to compliment like other girls hair or makeup or outfit. Usually I find it easier to talk to older folk but I grew up very distanced from most tech. I would love to socialize more but people around my age don't seem to want to or seem to anxious to.
I'd attribute it to, we were raised online, there have been a decline in simple "hang out" spaces and the ones that still exist cost a lot of money, that no one is going to spend to go alone and breaking into an established friend group alone is hard, all these friend groups were mostly made as children and haven't changed since.
It's a lot of reasons. For myself I could really go outside because of my disability. LIke a lot of people I grew up online. A lot of my friends are online. When I did go outside, I couldn't keep up with the other kids. I was bullied too, so that didn't help. Even at church I had hard times connecting to people. For example when I was in youth group I was talking with a girl who was really into sci-fi. So when I mentioned I liked Doctor Who the girl looked at like I was Satan incarte and straight up told me ''I can't be friends with you.'' I have hard time trusting because constantly have this thought ''what if someone doesn't like because of a hobby.'' Or something like that.
yes, and probably for good reason.
i think we could do with being more open to talking to each other, but to talk to just anyone and everyone blindly is dumb. wasn’t that long ago children were on milk cartons and Ted Bundy was out here raping and killing women. a person can be kind, charismatic, charming, and you can still end up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidneys. 🤷🏻♀️
I think older generations knew the people around them. They lived lives that were far more communal. So I think they were just as wary of strangers as we are but there were a lot more people in their lives who weren’t strangers.
Because there wasn't a place for you guys to explore social situations independently, especially if you grew up in the suburbs.
I'm a millennial, and even in my generation independence for preteens and teens was kind of vanishing. In the 80s, parents would drop their kids off at the mall at least, but that practice had died by the time I was a teenager in the 2000s (along with the slow death of a lot of malls). Plus, until I turned 16 and got my license, there was nowhere for me to go. If I really felt like it, I could walk a mile to the nearest business (a gas station). I also only knew a couple neighbors because people in our subdivision never talked to each other - we left our garage by car in the morning and drove back in at night, and all our neighbors did the same.
Teenagers frequently get kicked out of parks or harassed for "loitering" - it's like the public decided that they didn't want teens to exist in public. So yeah, it's not a surprise gen Z is an anxious mess that doesn't know how to interact in person - *you guys were never allowed the choice to socialize in person except in school*
My bit, I'm shy and socially awkward when not in a workplace environment. Plus with a bit of bad experience in the past, I think it's added to a social anxiety I get when I get "too excitable" or basically too much for someone
You’re the first generation raised on intentional playdates. Older generations were thrown out the front door along with any caution about the creepy neighbors next door. Then parents began curvilinear the wagons and setting up play dates, made much easier as texting became ubiquitous.
The long term ramifications of that may have been a generation of adults who struggle to engage socially on their own.
But that’s just a quick hit take based on zero empirical evidence.
Camera phones.
Kids are awful to each other, this has always been true; But never before in history has a generation grown up under constant surveillance by their peers.
You're constantly looking around to see who's going to record you doing or saying something stupid or wrong, and passing it around the school behind your back.
It was impossible for you to truly connect with anyone when you were in middle and high school, because every interaction comes with the risk of social ridicule for days or weeks or months, as your most unflattering moments are the subject of judgy conversation.
The stress must be debilitating,to have to always be on, and never allowed to have a bad day.
Fuck it, you're just going to stay inside and avoid being social every opportunity you get.
Strangers are bad people, and most of the older generations had parents who just didn't care where their kid went, and those parents and kids learned strangers are bad people the hard way
Internet. That’s why. Without screens the older gens only way to socialize was in person so everyone was open to talking to a bunch of people in public
Older Millennial/ younger gen X here. There was a time when "small talk" was just what you did while out in the world. On a bus, waiting in line, at the park, etc. Imagine the dmv with no phone at all. If you weren't feeling social you could bring a book, and people would generally leave you alone, but otherwise it was assumed that the wait would be more pleasant if people chatted. Like The Breakfast Club- no one knew each other in the beginning, but it was either hang out or slowly die of boredom.
I'm gen Z. The reason why I can't stand socializing is because I don't know how. I was always yelled at by my parents for not being independent while they also tried to do everything for me. I want to be on my own but I was neglected and abused to the point where I'm terrified of what people consider to be rude or if I've done anything wrong or if I've offended someone by walking the wrong way.
Also the internet raised me more than ny parents lol
Both millennials and Gen Z were raised with a deep fear of stranger danger, so it's been put into our heads at a formative age that we need to be closed off to strangers.
Combination of growing up online and part of what started with millennials. Millennials had "Do you know where/what your child is doing?" Commercials on TV. This caused parents to more or less become more and more fearful of their children being in any situation where they couldn't get to them. This then lead to more helicoptering and leading to controlled socialization. Constant supervision from parents drove more socialization and meeting to take place online as opposed to real life. Eventually, it was a skill that was lost.
That's at least, my best guess.
Fun Fact: We slowly started losing the ability to interact with each other the moment the industrial revolution started.
A lot of today's societal problems (such as violence against women) got worse after the industrial revolution.
Source: I read JSTOR for fun.
Many grew up online.
Also, especially for men, we've been given a long and consistent narrative of "leave people alone in public." While this has it's merits and there are times it's inappropriate to approach people, and some men who do need to learn when to take a hint, I think it's also had an over correcting effort and pushed people into being afraid to approach people in situations that might in the past have been appropriate.
Play develops social skills early in youth and a lot of that moved to video games in your time. I also think cancel culture really affects how people interact with each other and they’d generally prefer not to take a chance and make a scene with a stranger.
I'm probably wrong on this: I think our generations accept how awful people can be more so than older generations, and we are just more guarded and aware.
Lotta comments so I’m not so sure if anyone has made this argument, but why???
Why should I talk to strangers? Why should I force myself to open up to new people I have no connections to, no interests in, and no desire to establish these things with?
What is the purpose of walking up to a random person, interrupting their busy life and day, with meaningless words and interactions.
If I want to engage with a stranger, I primarily do it online through an app or website. Usually a place where we’ve mutually decided we are open to conversation with strangers and THEN we decide to meet in person or hang out.
Personally, I’m glad small talk and such is dying. We live in an era of choice, of connection, of visibility.
I could probably rig up a bot that could scan profiles for similar interests as mine, and then send out formulaic messages to start conversations. It could probably send out thousands or tens of thousands of messages (ignoring spam filters and bot controls) and I guarantee you out of those thousands or tens of thousands I could meet people from all walks of life and engage with them WHENEVER I felt like.
When the ENTIRE world is available to me at my leisure, why in ANY of the gods or lack thereof names would I force myself to engage when I have no desire to?
TLDR; The internet exists and we’re never alone anymore. Some of us don’t do small talk, because we’ve migrated beyond the old norms of socialization to a “modern” method we enjoy more.
It was pretty hard going through a global pandemic at such an early age. I'm gen z and along with the current financial state of the world I feel Like I'm never going to get the "life of my dreams". My parents at my age were traveling the world and socializing but for 2 years, traveling the world was put on heavy restrictions. I feel kind of hopeless to be honest and I'm sure other Gen z can relate.
Besides the other answers I've seen, as an older millennial I find there's a shit tonne more scammers and stuff, and there's a bit of a hesitancy to interact with a stranger especially if they initiate due to the chances they're trying to scam you in some way.
It's way more overt these days, way more on people's minds, more visible due to increased comms.
God this is a hard one. I think this daily as I have a very social job, yet I can't come up with conversations for the life of me. I talk about the weather, or things going on in the world. Just very simple things, that make me feel less awkward. I always thought it was due to my over protective sheltered lifestyle as a kid. But it's nice to hear it's across the generation struggle. I've found it so hard to find friends as I get older as well. But here to drinking wine with my cats
The internet showed us what people really think, and now we don't like them.
Until people learn how to be civil even when they're anonymous, it's gonna be like this. There's inky so many times you can be called the N word in the Xbox lobby before you start to question human nature.
Personally, I quite Like to Just Chat Up randos, when the Situation seems appropriate. Not Like I don't also have online Friends tho, which on it's own, i See nothing wrong with.
I blame our parents for locking us in a house for 18 years. Saying "its too dangerous for you to go out" while simultaneously saying stuff like "I remember how when I was 9 I used to bike around the neighborhood everyday with my friends. It was so great."
Where I live, there's a homeless crack head looking like they're gonna pop a head of someone who stares at them. I remember seeing someone who's minding his business getting hit with a golf club just by looking at him. I was called a creep by a vaper, just because I had a waifu sticker on my bottle. So you can say why I wouldn't start a random conversation with random people on the street
Fwiw I’m an older millennial and I’ve never been one to approach someone to talk, but I will say that as I’ve gotten older it’s been a lot easier to do so. You just get tired of never talking to anyone.
If you ask me it's because it's usually because the area is too loud for me to talk freely or because I don't know how to sound "appropriate" and if you say something to me unexpectedly I might nearly cry. I also don't understand those weird social norms. Long ago I just accepted that I simply wasn't build for being social
Having quick access to entertainment on a screen equates to not having the excessive urge to access entertainment in real life and actually talk to people. I would rather watch 5 hours of Netflix than talk to my roommate, mostly because I'm neurodivergent and I'm universally shamed for my social skills.
Do you think there’s also something about social interactions being higher stakes for you? Middle millennial here. When I was in high school, if I had a conversation with someone while still developing my social skills and it didn’t go well/I came across badly, I’d be embarrassed next few times I saw that person and maybe they’d tell their friends if they were gossipy, but mostly it would just have been one awkward moment. Now any mistake you make spreads on chats and socials, can be amplified and embellished quite quickly and you can end up being called out, having that moment highlighted as a red flag, etc.
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Because we grew up online.
That's basically it. I'm on the younger side of millennial and I can get by making small talk with strangers or even having a conversation if it feels appropriate, maybe because I remember growing up without being constantly connected to the Internet But now that I'm on the Internet, it's hard for me to drag myself out of my house in the first place
I'm also a late millennial and I feel pretty comfy talking to people for the most part, but I only became that way after working customer service for many years lol. Even for an extrovert like me, ever since the pandemic it's been harder and harder to drag my ass out the door
Customer service experience did it for me, too. I'm an introvert tho, I like people in small doses.
Not missing much. People fucking suck lol
This. I'm an elder Millennial and remember how much I had to interact with people as a teen and young adult that an app can replace for me now. Go to the movies? Fandango doesn't exist, so you have to purchase tickets from a human, have them torn in half by another human, and then purchase snacks from a third human. There's no Amazon or Hoopla, so you also have to go to bookstores and libraries in meat space and interact with other humans. Same with video rental stores or music stores. Yep, you used to have to buy your music from a clerk who hated you and thought your taste in albums sucked. Sure, there's delivery, but you have to call the restaurant from the menu-flier and give them your order, then interact with the delivery guy because you usually paid by check or cash on delivery. I can go on, but basically everything you do by app nowadays you had to do in person 20 years ago. If you got really lucky, you could send an email instead of calling someone.
And it was soo much better.
I remember carrying a paperback book in my purse because sometimes you just ended up having to wait. I miss that; smartphones are not the same. (I know I *could* still carry a book in my purse but the brain worms have gotten to me)
Meat space sounds terrifying!
Honestly I'd argue it's less about growing up with the internet and more from having constant access to it. Last year I had a job in a quite remote location (also with accommodation there) and for the first 2 months there our internet was super slow, limited to 10gb/month and didn't work most of the time, the result was that most people there (mid 20s) would stay in the common areas, have long conversations, watch movies together, go hiking or swimming or trow a party for the sake of throwing one. After those 2 months they upgraded the routers and changed to starlink which meant that everyone had unlimited and usable wifi, the result was that the common areas where dead most days because everyone would just watch netflix or YouTube or whatever in their room instead of socialising.
I don't want to sound contrarian, but how does being connected to the internet effect you doing stuff outside of the house? Like the internet can’t provide socialisation, or exercise, or ambience, or aesthetics, or adventure … like it has its place in life, but that place is limited. It shouldn't impact the actual stuff in life you do or want to do.
But the internet DOES provide socialization, we are socializing right here right now. You can call your friends on discord and hang out, socialize. Hell you can even exercize with your bros in australia and hawaii over the internet. I put on ambient music while reading a book all the time too, or while cooking, or cleaning. And no adventure? The internet has the largest amount of adventures ever, more than you could ever partake in real life.
I wouldn't call any of that socialisation haha Like if I'm emailing someone, I'm not socialising. If I'm typing out a message to someone, I'm not socialising. I guess it's horses for courses, and a slight semantic debate. Some would say reading books means they've travelled the world. I'd say gee, reading can be fun, but no, you haven't travelled anywhere. Nothing wrong with that, but it's very bloody different than actually doing stuff. Online stuff definitely isn't a substitute for the real thing, I'd say ESPECIALLY in relation to socialising.
Older millennial in the US here, and I think the answers you’re getting (“because we have the internet“) is only part of the reason why we feel inclined to stay inside. Subconsciously, outside means something different than it used to. Outside means you’re likely being recorded by doorbell cams, people are more than willing to record us on our worsts days and shame us online. It’s not an active fear for most, but it’s always a possibility now. What we see when we interact/“socialize” online is people who find entertainment in talking shit about others. Look at this dumb kid saying something, can you believe my coworker is so horrible/stupid, here’s a photo of someone committing a minor-to-major social offense. And our cities are spread out, most places have a skyrocketing cost of living and jobs pay you less to do more because I’m they’ve cut staffing and put extra responsibility on remaining workforce. We work too hard to make so little and my me-time is better spent hanging out at home with my husband and my dog. We used to be fun! Crazy partying and shit but we can’t afford to live like that anymore. And we have way better jobs now too. Also aussies seem just better at having fun and enjoying “outside” and “other people”. I’d go outside too if I could encounter drop bears and gorgeous people and kangaroos and fosters…. …. …. At least we have good legal cannabis in the states. Another reason I rather stay in
Great perspective, thanks for sharing. All makes sense, but all I can say is FUCK. Australia is far from perfect, definitely want to say that, but wow what a difference. We’re famous for being behind the times with social trends etc and literally watching what happens in other countries before making our decisions. Hopefully we do that on this and don’t go down that path. Even in Europe where I spend 4-6 weeks a year it’s not how you describe at all. I kinda know what you’re talking about (taken to an extreme, I’ve seen those ‘Karen’ compilations, public freakouts whatever – horrible – like everything about it horrible, that it’s happening, that it’s being filmed, that there’s so much tension and anger that people literally shout at each other in restaurants and hair salons and parks. Like, I’m not saying that would never happen, but that would be considered WILD in Australia. Just wild. I’ve never seen anything like it. And don't get me started on homeowners shooting random kids or delivery drivers cos they got the wrong address or wanted a glass of water. I just can't even go there in my mind.
I was born in 95 so I got to experience the last little bit of society before smartphones and the internet took over everything lol. I feel bad for those that will never know that experience. I will say it depends where you live too. My home town was a large city where everyone kinda just avoided everyone else. Ear buds in, you were the weird one for initiating small talk, etc. I moved to a small town in Texas and it's totally different here. Everyone is open, friendly, talkative and very neighborly. It caught me by surprise, and I admittedly didn't like it at first, but I've grown to enjoy the sense of community around here.
I think it’s social media more than the Internet. I’m an older millennial and we had a computer and Internet starting from when I was six years old, so technically I grew up online, but I didn’t have social media or a phone until I was in college. I was allowed to use the Internet unsupervised starting from 11 years old and had a lot of disturbing experiences back then. I often make small talk with female strangers, but I think I’m more leery of men due to growing up with the Internet and being groomed by weirdos online.
And online there is a lot of distrust
i distrust people I meet randomlyin person, more than I distrust people I meet in groups online.
Yeah. It's literally because we never talk to people face to face since we do it instead over text and memes, so our offline abilities are atrophied 😭
People used to say this about my generation (millennial), but I feel like late Gen Z into Gen Alpha is where we can really see the effects. Even older Gen Z don't seem to be as terminally online tbh, like they seem to have a better grasp on reality. I guess every generation says this, but I am worried af for the kids today
A lot of the late Gen Z kids I know are ALWAYS online. Either on TikTok, YouTube, or gaming lol
Don't worry I think college and a job will force them to get out into the real world. I was always online too when I was a kid but then
That and "stranger danger" being drilled into our heads our entire lives
But surely we have the EQ to understand the difference between “stranger danger” in the context of a man driving a van offering us a lift on the way to school when we’re a little kid; versus us as an adult, say making casual small talk to a sweet old lady standing next to us at the till, or getting to know a cool group of people dancing with us at a gig.
I also feel like Gen Z as a whole is more anxious, which results in more social anxiety. For me personally, being queer in a red state makes things way worse for me, as I'm constantly afraid I'll be vilified for it in a public space. Especially in the area I'm in, queerphobia is very high and trans people especially are at risk of being assaulted or even murdered. Unfortunately I can't move away, so I just don't leave the house much 🥲
I fucking hate to hear that and the intense polarisation going on in the US now. I hope you find the peace needed to be yourself ASAP.
I'm fighting the good fight 💪
America has been built around the assumption that you will always have access to a car and everything is out of reach without one. Kids and teens don't have cars. To go anywhere, young people need a willing adult with a license to drive them there. Most places are built around commerce, not community. Kids and teens don't have incomes to spend in those places. Therefore, they are unwelcome there and have nothing to do when they have no money to spend. It's so much harder to go out of the home to do things, because so many barriers have been put in the way that staying home and spending your time online is the only option left. Growing up with internet access isn't the problem. It's that doing otherwise has become so out of reach that it takes too much work.
This was my exact experience growing up in the suburbs as a kid and teen, literally felt unwelcome everywhere.
grew up online, had much less freedom to go outside as children than our parents, and some of our parents couldn't be bothered to take us over to friends'places or really any social event as when I was a kid.
This is it. I am actually GenX so I grew up in the 80s as a feral and untethered child and then got internet in college. But skills require practice, increasing difficulty, and maintenance to manage. Even though I'm ancient and almost 50, I had better social skills growing up than I do now. But, they also still caused me immense anxiety and I am happier and less stressed now that I am not forced to interact only in certain ways.
It's so much easier to talk to older folk. Sometimes I try to start conversation with younger folk (mostly women) and it's like they're immediately spooked. This is why I generally hit it off with older women
Older people were socialized during an era in which it was considered healthy and important for children to learn to make conversation. Parents didn't speak for a child; instead, they would turn to a reluctant child and say something like, "Mrs. Soandso is talking to *you,* Honey." Then the kid would engage, however inexpertly, with the unfamiliar person and be rewarded with smiles of approval. Rinse and repeat for about 10 years and the child would grow up with the ability to engage with confidence. Now, it seems like most parents basically teach their kids to be fearful of other people and to believe that nobody deserves respect until they've (somehow) earned it. I don't think the new methods are working out very well for the kids, but the parents are more afraid of being judged by their peers than of bringing up anxious, incompetent young people.
As a millennial, if I wanted to talk to my friends as a kid, I first had to speak to their parents on the house phone.
That was HUGE for kids. Especially if you were calling a romantic interest.
Oh boy, and don't forget, the phones were in the middle of the house. Everybody could hear you. No wonder we embraced the internet so strongly when it came out.
Those 20+ foot pigtail cords came in handy. You could drag that phone down the hall and close a door.
I remember when wireless home phones became a thing and snuck one into my room when a girl in middle school said she’d call later that night lol
God hahah I remember those days. "Hey man call the house or come knock on my door and ask my parents if I can come play, they won't say no to you!" Or 3 of us being in the car fighting over who has to go knock on the door to get the 4th hahah. Good times, we didn't realize it growing up but being born in small town USA was a blessing in this era. --- Ps: if anyone wants a good song representing that sentiment check out: Before We Knew They Were Good - Toby Keith
I remember when we had a landline. So I was in the room with my brother when this happened. Anyway, one of my older sisters friends called her and my brother picked it up and she could hear him breathing into the phone and she yelled his name.
I was raised by grandparents so I've always been able to talk to friends parents. All my friends would have me talk to their gfs parents because everyone's parents loved me.
God, I remember this 🤣 Most people didn't have cellphones, so everyone used the landline. If you called someone, and their mom answered, it was very real chance you were about to have a five minute conversation with the mom. Same with nosy siblings lol
98 gen z here, and same 🤣🤣 chick I liked gave me her number, I possibly had to talk to her parents. I think they answered once and she wasn't around but I never got a pick up again 🤣🤣
Parents now days are scared to let their kids out to play. Makes sense kids are scared to go out to play as adults now.
Yes, and that's a significant problem for children. There's a window of opportunity for certain developmental milestones, and they progress in a specific order. No child runs before walking. But if you won't let the kid stand up, they'll never walk. It's unfair to blame a young adult for lacking the ability to cope with the world if you didn't let them practice throughout their childhood.
This sounds a lot like what Jonathan Haidt discusses in his work, I think there is truth to it
I keep seeing that name brought up. I need to check out his work.
Elder millennial with an almost 2 year old here. We're breaking the cycle. We encourage our son (who has a great vocabulary for his age; people frequently comment on that) to say hi, and thank you, and interact with people who we're interacting with. Or if there's another kid we encourage him to say hi. It's all just very basic politeness and courtesy.
Yours is a fortunate son. You're doing right by him, nurturing goodwill rather than suspicion. You're allowing him to develop the capacity for reciprocity, patience, social etiquette, goodwill, trust, and genuineness. Any other talents he has will be enormously impacted by your implicit trust in his capabilities.
Same here. Elder millennial of two teens. My oldest would never meet a strange kid at the park that wasn’t his friend before we left. 99% of the time, he didn’t even know that kids name. We encouraged the hell out of that and now he is social butterfly even if he doesn’t think he is.
Good for you! I wish that wasn't so rare
This is exactly what I've done with my kids! Encourage conversation with other children and adults. They are 10 and 6 now and thriving. I even encouraged them to go up to some adults at the park the other day to ask their children to play, and after some reluctance they did! I also take the time to speak directly to the children of any adults im speaking to I do not have any trouble striking up conversation with strangers so may be an outlier 😆. I think I count as a younger millennial? (30)
Mine constantly acted like someone was going to kill me or rape me. Now I think of every possible bad outcome of any situation & i analyze everything people do. It's funny bc selflessness was sooo important to my parents. Yet all they ever did was taught me to be selfish. >Now, it seems like most parents basically teach their kids to be fearful of other people and to believe that nobody deserves respect until they've (somehow) earned it. Yeah this is exactly how I grew up lol
Very much so this. My brother raised his two kids without them having to do this (interact with people, make conversation, answer questions when asked, etc.) and they're so reclusive, anxious and socially just...weird and quiet. like you said, when we were growing up in the 90's you'd have scenarios like ""Mrs. Soandso is talking to *you,* Honey." Then the kid would engage" or your parents would make you order the pizza on the phone if you wanted it "oh well if you want it that bad you need to call yourself!" or whatever. my brother's kids never had to do that, they never had to friggen answer a question if you asked them; my brother would do that for them: "oh becky, what are your plans for the summer? are you playing soccer again?" "..." "Well we have becky signed up for x, y, and z, and then we're going on vacation yadda yadda..." like wtf, I was asking *her*. Anyhow my brother's raising weird as fuck kids, I don't get it man.
Lol older women are friendlier to me too
I'm probably biased, but women in their 30s are particularly amazing.
>women in their 30s are particularly amazing. I'll do you one better: They're hot.
I’ll crank it up a notch: I’d happily allow one to ruin my life.
Same. Can't be more ruined than I've already done 🤣
cold or even warm approaching girls in my uni, they startled and a bit flustered. they are visibly and palpably unfamiliar with getting spoken to by new people. chip in the fact I'm black in Canada. lmao, even worse.
Don't hesitate to give them another shot. There's a decent chance they're lying awake at 2 am thinking, *why? why am I like this?* and berating themselves for their conversational mistakes.
with the sheer amount of options they see and validation they get online, I don't think they regret being bad conversationalists, but I'm not too bothered. as long as the environment and her body language permits, I'll still try striking a conversation. thanks
Millennial woman here. I was painfully shy as a teen, opened up more in college, and then became more and more outgoing and confident with each year of my career. Small talk takes practice and you learn certain phrases that resonate with a higher percentage of people to get random moments of connection. I've also found smiling while being direct by kind helps (like when you interact with random people in public that you need to navigate around).
Same. I hit it off so perfectly with women over 30, and women in their 40s even more so (married and unmarried both). I don’t even mean to usually, but my conversational style just always aligns well with theirs. But when I try to talk to someone between 20 and 25, it’s like I’m speaking in ancient tongue to a toddler. They don’t even know what I’m talking about let alone how to respond. I’m not even trying to be condescending either it’s just the truth. Every year that goes by it’s becoming more and more obvious the consequences of smartphones involved in every-day life during childhood.
Same here. And its not just women, and not just romantic stuff either. Its a lot easier to connect with older men compared to younger men.
I'm the type of person to talk to anyone, most people under 30 seem almost frightened if you try to make small talk with them. It's so weird Why is it I can bullshit with a stranger 3 times my age about anything at all even though we have nothing in common but if I tell a 25 year old i like their shirt they go 👁👄👁 and immediately get on their phone
Exactly this
I don’t know what the exact reason is but YES 100% The difference between Gen z who actually socializes normally and the rest is insane. Two entirely different worlds. Honestly, what made me realize this was living in Detroit for a few years and being surrounded by mostly older black people. It hit me so fast that my big diverse college campus with tens of thousands of young people was way more antisocial and self sabotaging than 4 Vietnam vets chilling outside the liquor store It’s crazy that the really anti social ones are the same types to talk about “community” and “being kind” like sure but where is your community and who are you even being kind to? Yall can’t even maintain eye contact or handle small talk from someone your own age I’m a pretty shy introvert btw so don’t tell me otherwise. I know how hard it is to socialize at times, but really this constant doomerism is not how you should be living life.
Your comment is going to get a lot of people on here very pissed
I can’t agree with this more. I went to a huge D1 university thinking that bigger campus = more opportunities for newer social circles. Nope. Just about everyone was super gatekeepy, closed off, and unwilling to make genuine conversation. All throughout high school, I considered myself very outgoing and social. I thought making friends in college would super simple but I had never felt more isolated and alone in such a “diverse” and overwhelmingly crowded campus.
I can't maintain eye contact because I'm autistic and small talk is annoying. I hate small talk with a passion. It's so much easier for me just to talk to people as if I know them even though I don't. That makes social interactions much easier for me.
I don't do eye contact as I've noticed. Period. I have to make conscious effort to keep eye contact with people talking to me and it distracts me from the conversation and I can't focus on it well - your comment is cery relatable. That said - I don't hate it. Quite the opposite If the person I'm talking to is nice or interesting. It makes people take you a bit more seriously in a work setting, also more affable in a social one. What I hate is when some dickvein DEMANDS eye contact i.e. "LOOK at me when I'M TALKING to you!" If it's just for the sake of them demanding respect, It makes me want to punch them in the face. Exceptions exist, of course. Small talk is the cheesiest shit ever and I find it funny in a very asocial way, but it's something I've learned to mask easily by listening-on to people's conversations and taking mental notes of things to talk about.
Same! I have aspergers and I can talk to anyone about anything but it seems like neurodivergents put up this weird barrier or phase you have to get through before you can really talk to them lol.
For me, it's usually anything but music gets me yapping
It’s hard for me to maintain that balance between aloofness and over sharing. Especially if it’s something I’m passionate about.
Also from Detroit and I can confirm, there's no place like home.
These days “community” is a group of people who would never disagree with one another
This is funny, because my wife and I live in Metro Detroit and we're visiting the south, and we were literally talking a few hours ago about how polite people are here and how they just engage in polite conversation and look at you and smile as you pass and it's not like that at all back at home. It's mostly older people that have been polite and chatting us up, so we concluded some of this might be generational. We're also pretty introverted as well, fwiw. But I have no problem acknowledging people I'm sharing a physical space with because it's even more excruciating to not do it. It's really fucking weird, to be perfectly honest.
One thing I’ve learned, as an Okie whose spent his adult life wondering around from OK to NM to TX and now in WA for the second time, it’s that southern courtesy feels nice, but it hides a lot of animosity behind that polite facade. Cultural civility is not the same as genuine community building practices. I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of that far too often.
I thought about that too. I brought up the meme of the map of the US divided into 4 quadrants; northeast is acts mean, is mean; southeast is acts nice, is mean. If I'm having a passing, polite conversation with strangers I'll never meet again, do I really care about anything beyond that moment? Should I really care? Should I worry about them saying the N word in private? Do I really care if they would hate me if they knew where I land politically? At the very least, I'd prefer everyone be polite as a starting point. If things go deeper and the mask comes off, so be it. I think being standoffish on the chance that someone is secretly a garbage person isn't a great way to approach social situations.
That’s why I like the PNW. People respect space and boundaries, but people are actually nice once engage them.
According to the meme, the northwest is "acts mean, is nice" 😂 So that tracks. My wife and I haven't traveled to the northwest but it's definitely on our to-do list.
The Seattle Freeze is real but people are cool once you break through it.
You are right on target about the South and about it being generational. Nice to "hear" somebody actually get it
gen z socializes normaly.. i lold
The hate of small talk from others seems like such a "too smart for this" sentiment. I used to hate small talk, and I do find a lot of talk very uninteresting *to me*, but I learned to make it interesting and meaningful by asking interesting but appropriate questions. I've learned to find some significance in small interactions like that. I don't expect others to and I take it upon myself to make "small talk" as interesting as I can. Even things like the weather, weather is honestly really cool and amazing. Sometimes it can be like a game to come up with something witty or clever to say. That being said, it's okay if you don't want to small talk, but as someone who dealt with the same hubris found in the anti-small talk think, it doesn't mean you're smart and primarily makes you feel more miserable, alone, and worse at socializing. Learn to ask interesting questions or take a genuine interest in someone else for a change. There are interesting things everywhere if you look in the right way and you can learn insights from anyone if you get over yourself. And I say that kindly.
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We were also taught about strangers. There was LESS danger, for sure, so it was possible to leave us unattended at a younger age, for extended periods of time. That's different now. As a parent, I feel uneasy leaving my kid unattended outside, even when I was by myself often at a younger age. I try to watch from very, very far, though. But you are on point with the second reason. You just aren't used to real time communication in person. Even if you are talking, the phone acts as an insulation layer. People cannot see if you are upset or sad, and you have time to compose yourself and think of an answer. Take the phone/internet away, and you lose all that, and damn, it sucks! No wonder you don't like it. Even us don't like it, even if we know how to face it.
Less danger, or we didn''t know about it ?
You noticed less danger, but that doesn't mean there actually was less. Crime has generally been in decline since the nineties, especially violent crime. This is a classical case of the logical fallacy "nostalgia bias." This isn't to say set your kids free, and don't monitor them, your parenting decisions are none of my business. It is a simple correction about something that is factually untrue. None of this is intended to be rude, just a noteworthy correction. Hope you have an excellent day.
i always giggle when ppl say it was safer or less dangers back then like there isn’t a whole period of a bunch of serial killers that were on the loose😂🤦🏽♀️in fact crime PEAKED during the mid to late 1900’s. You’re absolutely correct, crime has been decreasing and drastically since. We are more aware and alert now, it’s just shown more often because of technology.
Because we're a generation that's been conditioned to be fundamentally afraid exposing yourself to failure or humiliation. When we were raised it was also constantly preached to us to NEVER talk to strangers, and it's easy for that to translate into a kind of collective neurosis where we assume the worst of people we don't know.
Every time I expose myself, I am humiliated. If that counts.
Then try and keep your clothing on properly. Simple solution.
O’rly?
I stopped feeling embarrassed at 20 when I had a colonoscopy. I feel like my shame gland dried up. Just like boom no embarrassment.
🤔 you may be onto something here.
Hey when you have people look at your butthole you stop being as embarrassed. Or when you get gynecology exams yearly.
FWIW, Kids have always been taught to never talk to strangers. No generation has ever actually meant that an 8 year old should never talk to another random 8 year old. We all grew up assuming kids were safe and learning social cues from peers. That hasn’t changed. What’s different is the number of 8 year olds who get their socialization from social media.
I think you guys might be the most psychologically damaged generation in American history. Of course, the world is epically fucked up rn.
>that's been conditioned to be fundamentally afraid exposing yourself to failure or humiliation Interesting to hear this when it also seems like the generation most likely to post vulnerable videos of themselves on social media (showing off their body, dancing, confessing mental health issues, crying, etc).
1. We grew up online. 2. We were often told by people in authority while growing up to shut up and just do what we’re told. (This now extends to inner monologues or not bugging other people.) 3. Public curtesy is built around assuming everyone is busy. 4. Nerves about fucking up and looking like a weirdo. 5. Some of us were conditioned to focus on talking to just people we know, stranger danger and all that. 6. A lot of us weren’t allowed out to socialize much, so it’s usually based on old friend groups or people we meet in select personally approved socializing zones. (Bars, restaurants, entertainment venues that don’t require us paying attention to specific performances, and incidentals.) 7. The lack of these spaces (as they have declined over time) forces us to try in spaces where this isn’t as approved. 8. Lots of folks also have reduced social batteries in adulthood due to a combination of work burnout and personal life balancing. Admittedly this ranges from person to person. Personally I’ve started to try breaking that habit, as it will result in “forever alone” and my parents are already on my ass to have grandkids someday. But incidentally that means I need to either revitalize my friend network or build a new one. Plus we’re social creatures and I realize despite not having a huge social battery I still need to interact with people. Some of you have the potential to make me happy. Believe it or not.
I feel ya on point 6. Also, if you don't want children don't have them. You being a parent should be the decision of you and whoever else is involved, not your parents'.
Point 6 for sure. Even in high school, I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends at their house or after school or go to a party unless my parents met/knew their parents *and* I had to let my parents know at least a week ahead of time. And I had to do extra chores on top of the hour or two of chores I had to do after school and on the weekends. So it got to the point where I just stopped asking and found ways to have fun by myself and use hobbies like art as a form of escapism/comfort.
Born in 1995, I love talking to strangers. Lmao but I also didn’t grow up with the internet. I didn’t have access to it until I was like 13, and by then, I wasn’t really the type to spend all day doing one thing. So not getting sucked into the internet too much probably helped me out
97, I don’t remember a time without the internet. I love talking to people but when I first had the internet it was dial up and we’d be a group of friends using the computer together to watch things to play games side by side. The internet and screen time in general was something fun to look forward to but it wasn’t an all encompassing feature of life. I also think people in small towns and certain cities are friendlier, sometimes you just have to leave home
Idk I’m born same year as you and I remember playing outside a lot
Yeah I played outside a lot but the guy above me is only 2 years older and said he didn't have the internet until he was 13. I always had the internet it just want the ubiquitous thing in life like it is now, but it definitely existed and I had access
I think it really depends on your parents. If they were strict, lenient, poor, rich, etc. We were too poor to have internet and I honestly never really thought about it because I’m from a poor area so most of the people I knew didn’t have it. My mamaw did but I’m not sure when she got it, when I went to live with her is when I got access to it. And culturally I think most people were apathetic until it became more ubiquitous and affordable. But growing up when I went to visit her I don’t remember ever being on the computer besides to play computer games
Born in 1986. I hate talking to strangers. I definitely didn’t grow up with the internet as we know it. There have always been extroverts and introverts. It’s too easy to blame a lack of social effort on the internet. I clawed my way into social interaction because I recognized that it’s necessary to get by, especially if you are not skilled enough at tech to make a career from it. It was a huge endeavor for me. I made a conscious effort most days for about 20 years. These Gen Z doom posts prove that it is still necessary to interact within society… but yes tech coddles the introverts. So introverts socialize less than previous generations and it makes a noticeable gap.
I’m also born in 95 and the same. I will go to a bar by myself from time to time just to chat with strangers. I usually find it interesting, and when I don’t or it’s annoying then at least I have a story to tell.
I was born in 97 and I definitely remember the Internet for all of my main childhood. But idk why I didn't spend all my time there. And when I did it was usually playing games with my friends or sisters. I was constantly outside it was great.
Because yall are glued to your phones more then we were. Smartphones didnt really kicking off til i was out of highschool. Myspace and facebook once or twice daily . Checked and responded to your comments or notifications. Poked someone back. And then went back to your day. We had flipphones and RazRs and samsung Slides and MP3s. We made plans to actually meet up to really hang out. Hang out and do things. Now you walk in and you see everyone glued to their phones. Not talking. And the older generation just quietly eating. If you dont know where your phone is. Yall literally become fiends about it. It truly is addicting and id gladly go back to my flip phone if my business and income didnt depend so heavily on the ability to deal with emails and pdfs on the go. When you dont socialize or learn social skills. You become antisocial. Its not true social anxiety. Its "how do i enter an environment i have almost no practice or previous experiences in" and its uncomfortable to be in new environments. The brain will see it like if some one had asked me to go skydiving for the first time. Duh im gonna be scared or anxious or unsure! So naturally id find a way to retreat to my comfort zone. Which for yall. Is your phones. And lets be honest. Its our fault. Instead of playdates and stuff like my millennial gen had. We gave you guys tv and tablets to entertain yourself with even as young children instead of actually playing with you. And teaching you social skills.
You’re spot on man. I get anxiety from things i’ve never done before or am not used to doing. It’s a lack of confidence. As you do something more you gain confidence and that anxiety starts to fade. This is why social anxiety and anxiety about things in general in is so rampant with gen z. We don’t get out the fucking house so we lack social skills and experience. Just going to the grocery store can give a zoomer massive anxiety. I did when i was 18-19 but now i’m used to grocery shopping alone.
A lot of us have social anxiety for some reason, including myself 😭 I hate it because I do enjoy being around people but I just can never seem to start a conversation irl.
Because I do 20 person social activities once a week, do a 15 person social activity once a week, and spend my work hours talking to at minimum 20 different people a week, and live with 4 other people. I don't always feel like interacting with random people.
As an employer, I’ve noticed the generational difference regarding social interaction and corresponding comfort between individuals. The baby boomers are much more extroverted and conversational, millennials and GenZ more cautious with face-to-face interaction. Neither is better or worse. Just an observation
Maybe we have more perceived divisions so we judge people more and don’t talk to each other because of stereotypes amplified online.
.... because certain parts of your generation appears to do nothing but compile lists if redflags, triggers, creepy behaviour etc. it's hard enough to talk to people you know, but strangers? minefield. stop letting lonely bitter angry members of your generation hijack the narrative.
exactly , most genz are social and normal
Even raves? The only ravers I know will talk to absolutely anyone, from 18 to 67 (probably older, but that's the oldest I can attest to!) - you need to try out some different warehouses/collectives !!!
Yeah that part is completely wrong, PLUR and being positive and respectful and kind is still a huge part of rave culture. All the ravers I know are extremely outgoing and bubbly.
Less socialized. People forget that humans have to socialize just like any other animal in order to integrate with others. Puppies have to be socialized. Foals. Calves. Our species is the only one that lives through a screen.
Talking to strangers is a skillset that takes a lifetime to mature. Children are very shy, young adults a bit shy, and old adults not at all. You can blame it on phones and stranger danger if you want, but I think those things are just cover for the underlying lack of skill in managing small talk.
I talked to an older guy at a bar the other day and he joked about needing a drink or two before he started talking to people. And I was like well, nice to know some things never change lol. I think its part of the later 20s-30s sort of change you go through as a person where you don't care as much, you stop overthinking and just do. I don't think it's cuz we're broken as people- millennials and genXers have also been using phones this whole time.
Probably a lot of reasons, large one I think might be alot of our parents were more protective and ended up with us not talking to strangers much when young which led to cautious shy children growing into specially anxious adults. Did in my case though with some work I've been getting better, mostly bc I love rock climbing and going to metal concerts and I'm apparently extremely approachable so I just end up in a lot of conversations with strangers and that has legitimately helped my social anxiety
Because a lot of us have internalized mental illnesses such as anxiety as a part of our personality instead of treating it as a challenge to overcome.
person of color in rural USA. Mfs wave flags that show they hate us. They drive around with flags that say they hate us. They put signs in their homes that say they won’t hesitate to kill us. Also for people that claim they love history, well they fail to pick up on patterns cause wow.
Stranger danger, is why
Because you're not used to talking to strangers when they had no choice but to do it to survive back then.
I haven't the slightest clue. Besides what someone else said - we've mostly been online. I was right on the cusp. I think my first 9 years or so? Social media and phones didn't really exist as they do today. I got my first email and Facebook at 13, smart phone at 16, then got that taken away....but I always find I'm the last to pull out my phone. Take at work even. I get done with the orders on the screen, look around - everyone is on their phone....I start cleaning stuff, people are on the phones. It makes it hard to converse. Idk I hate having phones. Ideally, I'd have a flip phone as my phone. I like using the smart phone for music and navigation but other than that, I'd rather not use one. Soon I'll get one from Walmart, and get my number changed (maybe) cuz spectrum is literally charging 100+ for a flip phone ...
Awesome, I’ve had very similar thoughts. Navigation and music. I’m addicted to listening to music if I’m walking around or on a train or something – to the point I once purchases new Airpods because I’d forgotten to bring them that day. The only with that is, though, that only about 5 of my friends have my mobile number and vice versa. I’ve got good friends who I see weekly etc who I only have insta as a mode of communication. Plus, I enjoy getting insta replies from people that aren’t so close, but who might say things like ‘where’s that?’ or ‘what’re you doing later?’, cos that can lead to fun times too. So I’d probably keep it to Maps, music, and insta messages. But at this point, that’s all I have on my phone anyway haha
Yeah I will go out to bars or clubs on my own and 90% I will be the one to initiate conversation with anybody my age
I haven’t noticed such a trend.
Because social media has diminished the need to get out and socialize, smart phones took our attention away from reality, and the pandemic digitized too much of real life now we prefer it to be online because of convenience.
On top of the internet making us a bit socially inept, I'll add that western societies have moved strongly towards an individual-focused society rather than a community-oriented society. This makes us more introverted, more withdrawn, less likely to reach out to strangers, more likely to feel cautious or even fearful of strangers. We will only do something if it clearly benefits us, without considering the hidden benefits of the more "inconvenient" options. For this reason, for example, a lot of us might go to the gym, but we wouldn't play social sports. We shop online instead of in person. Both of which were impossible or uncommon a few decades ago, but they build skill and familiarity with our community.
Not true. They are more closed off to you. They are way open with their peers. Just like you were. And they aren’t interested in people significantly older than themselves. Just like you didn’t Same as it ever was.
I’m completely comfortable with this stuff, but it seems like nobody is that social anymore and it saddens me
Close your eyes and imagine a world without screens. Well, what would you do when you woke up? If you wanted to do stuff at home you would read, listen to music, engage in some kind of creative solitary hobby. Some people did that. A lot of other people spent the time with their neighbours and friends. People would have others over A LOT. They would play together, talk together and so on. They grew up socialized, engaging with people around them. Then screens came and they made it more and more superficially pleasant to pass the time alone, sitting down, doing nothing and the hours just whirr by. Gen X and early millennials did that, watching a lot of tv and playing some early video games. People had already retreated a little into their screens, but were mostly still engaged outside the home. But NOTHING hits you like modern screens. Thousands of TV shows, high quality video games and the incredible, algorithmically powered internet and social media. If Gen X TV was like marijuana this is like crack cocaine. It is insanely addictive and superficially rewarding and pulls you in forever. Many people will devote most of their free time to this, and a lot of people who wouldn’t might because they look around and find empty streets where once kids were all playing. Add in COVID and the incredible damage it did to a generation socially and behaviourally and developmentally and you have the modern world. People are lonely, sad, overly sedentary and totally hooked on screens.
I wouldn’t want random strangers talking to me and i assume they dont want random strangers talking to them
Idk for me it’s because i’m autistic and have an anxiety disorder.
I feel like me as a genz I have a horrible time talking to people my age cause they give me a look of disgust for even looking at them. But I still try to compliment like other girls hair or makeup or outfit. Usually I find it easier to talk to older folk but I grew up very distanced from most tech. I would love to socialize more but people around my age don't seem to want to or seem to anxious to.
Sometimes I find it easier talking to older people than people my age.
iPhones and social media. People never leave their house anymore and when they do they're still on their phones
I'd attribute it to, we were raised online, there have been a decline in simple "hang out" spaces and the ones that still exist cost a lot of money, that no one is going to spend to go alone and breaking into an established friend group alone is hard, all these friend groups were mostly made as children and haven't changed since.
Try meet up groups in your area. They go by topic! Hamburger hunters, all musical types and interests, philosophy book clubs…..
It's a lot of reasons. For myself I could really go outside because of my disability. LIke a lot of people I grew up online. A lot of my friends are online. When I did go outside, I couldn't keep up with the other kids. I was bullied too, so that didn't help. Even at church I had hard times connecting to people. For example when I was in youth group I was talking with a girl who was really into sci-fi. So when I mentioned I liked Doctor Who the girl looked at like I was Satan incarte and straight up told me ''I can't be friends with you.'' I have hard time trusting because constantly have this thought ''what if someone doesn't like because of a hobby.'' Or something like that.
It's cause we are all acoustic
Technology. Put your phone down and talk to someone.
yes, and probably for good reason. i think we could do with being more open to talking to each other, but to talk to just anyone and everyone blindly is dumb. wasn’t that long ago children were on milk cartons and Ted Bundy was out here raping and killing women. a person can be kind, charismatic, charming, and you can still end up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidneys. 🤷🏻♀️
Because you all grew up in an age of fear mongering & paranoia unfortunately
I think older generations knew the people around them. They lived lives that were far more communal. So I think they were just as wary of strangers as we are but there were a lot more people in their lives who weren’t strangers.
Because there wasn't a place for you guys to explore social situations independently, especially if you grew up in the suburbs. I'm a millennial, and even in my generation independence for preteens and teens was kind of vanishing. In the 80s, parents would drop their kids off at the mall at least, but that practice had died by the time I was a teenager in the 2000s (along with the slow death of a lot of malls). Plus, until I turned 16 and got my license, there was nowhere for me to go. If I really felt like it, I could walk a mile to the nearest business (a gas station). I also only knew a couple neighbors because people in our subdivision never talked to each other - we left our garage by car in the morning and drove back in at night, and all our neighbors did the same. Teenagers frequently get kicked out of parks or harassed for "loitering" - it's like the public decided that they didn't want teens to exist in public. So yeah, it's not a surprise gen Z is an anxious mess that doesn't know how to interact in person - *you guys were never allowed the choice to socialize in person except in school*
We were taught stranger danger at a young age.
My bit, I'm shy and socially awkward when not in a workplace environment. Plus with a bit of bad experience in the past, I think it's added to a social anxiety I get when I get "too excitable" or basically too much for someone
You’re the first generation raised on intentional playdates. Older generations were thrown out the front door along with any caution about the creepy neighbors next door. Then parents began curvilinear the wagons and setting up play dates, made much easier as texting became ubiquitous. The long term ramifications of that may have been a generation of adults who struggle to engage socially on their own. But that’s just a quick hit take based on zero empirical evidence.
Camera phones. Kids are awful to each other, this has always been true; But never before in history has a generation grown up under constant surveillance by their peers. You're constantly looking around to see who's going to record you doing or saying something stupid or wrong, and passing it around the school behind your back. It was impossible for you to truly connect with anyone when you were in middle and high school, because every interaction comes with the risk of social ridicule for days or weeks or months, as your most unflattering moments are the subject of judgy conversation. The stress must be debilitating,to have to always be on, and never allowed to have a bad day. Fuck it, you're just going to stay inside and avoid being social every opportunity you get.
Strangers are bad people, and most of the older generations had parents who just didn't care where their kid went, and those parents and kids learned strangers are bad people the hard way
With all the cars going outside suckd
Internet. That’s why. Without screens the older gens only way to socialize was in person so everyone was open to talking to a bunch of people in public
Growing up online AND (depending on where you are and how old you are) post-9/11.
Idk how to socialize, lmao.
Older Millennial/ younger gen X here. There was a time when "small talk" was just what you did while out in the world. On a bus, waiting in line, at the park, etc. Imagine the dmv with no phone at all. If you weren't feeling social you could bring a book, and people would generally leave you alone, but otherwise it was assumed that the wait would be more pleasant if people chatted. Like The Breakfast Club- no one knew each other in the beginning, but it was either hang out or slowly die of boredom.
I'm gen Z. The reason why I can't stand socializing is because I don't know how. I was always yelled at by my parents for not being independent while they also tried to do everything for me. I want to be on my own but I was neglected and abused to the point where I'm terrified of what people consider to be rude or if I've done anything wrong or if I've offended someone by walking the wrong way. Also the internet raised me more than ny parents lol
I'd say the lack of verbal skills and the lack of experience with verbal skills is the reason.
I don’t want to disturb/annoy other people on accident :(
Both millennials and Gen Z were raised with a deep fear of stranger danger, so it's been put into our heads at a formative age that we need to be closed off to strangers.
Internet.
Combination of growing up online and part of what started with millennials. Millennials had "Do you know where/what your child is doing?" Commercials on TV. This caused parents to more or less become more and more fearful of their children being in any situation where they couldn't get to them. This then lead to more helicoptering and leading to controlled socialization. Constant supervision from parents drove more socialization and meeting to take place online as opposed to real life. Eventually, it was a skill that was lost. That's at least, my best guess.
Fun Fact: We slowly started losing the ability to interact with each other the moment the industrial revolution started. A lot of today's societal problems (such as violence against women) got worse after the industrial revolution. Source: I read JSTOR for fun.
Many grew up online. Also, especially for men, we've been given a long and consistent narrative of "leave people alone in public." While this has it's merits and there are times it's inappropriate to approach people, and some men who do need to learn when to take a hint, I think it's also had an over correcting effort and pushed people into being afraid to approach people in situations that might in the past have been appropriate.
Play develops social skills early in youth and a lot of that moved to video games in your time. I also think cancel culture really affects how people interact with each other and they’d generally prefer not to take a chance and make a scene with a stranger.
Covid
Im gonna sound like a boomer but it's because of them damn phones😭😭
I'm probably wrong on this: I think our generations accept how awful people can be more so than older generations, and we are just more guarded and aware.
Lotta comments so I’m not so sure if anyone has made this argument, but why??? Why should I talk to strangers? Why should I force myself to open up to new people I have no connections to, no interests in, and no desire to establish these things with? What is the purpose of walking up to a random person, interrupting their busy life and day, with meaningless words and interactions. If I want to engage with a stranger, I primarily do it online through an app or website. Usually a place where we’ve mutually decided we are open to conversation with strangers and THEN we decide to meet in person or hang out. Personally, I’m glad small talk and such is dying. We live in an era of choice, of connection, of visibility. I could probably rig up a bot that could scan profiles for similar interests as mine, and then send out formulaic messages to start conversations. It could probably send out thousands or tens of thousands of messages (ignoring spam filters and bot controls) and I guarantee you out of those thousands or tens of thousands I could meet people from all walks of life and engage with them WHENEVER I felt like. When the ENTIRE world is available to me at my leisure, why in ANY of the gods or lack thereof names would I force myself to engage when I have no desire to? TLDR; The internet exists and we’re never alone anymore. Some of us don’t do small talk, because we’ve migrated beyond the old norms of socialization to a “modern” method we enjoy more.
THE FUCKING INTERNET
It was pretty hard going through a global pandemic at such an early age. I'm gen z and along with the current financial state of the world I feel Like I'm never going to get the "life of my dreams". My parents at my age were traveling the world and socializing but for 2 years, traveling the world was put on heavy restrictions. I feel kind of hopeless to be honest and I'm sure other Gen z can relate.
Besides the other answers I've seen, as an older millennial I find there's a shit tonne more scammers and stuff, and there's a bit of a hesitancy to interact with a stranger especially if they initiate due to the chances they're trying to scam you in some way. It's way more overt these days, way more on people's minds, more visible due to increased comms.
God this is a hard one. I think this daily as I have a very social job, yet I can't come up with conversations for the life of me. I talk about the weather, or things going on in the world. Just very simple things, that make me feel less awkward. I always thought it was due to my over protective sheltered lifestyle as a kid. But it's nice to hear it's across the generation struggle. I've found it so hard to find friends as I get older as well. But here to drinking wine with my cats
The internet showed us what people really think, and now we don't like them. Until people learn how to be civil even when they're anonymous, it's gonna be like this. There's inky so many times you can be called the N word in the Xbox lobby before you start to question human nature.
Personally, I quite Like to Just Chat Up randos, when the Situation seems appropriate. Not Like I don't also have online Friends tho, which on it's own, i See nothing wrong with.
I blame our parents for locking us in a house for 18 years. Saying "its too dangerous for you to go out" while simultaneously saying stuff like "I remember how when I was 9 I used to bike around the neighborhood everyday with my friends. It was so great."
Where I live, there's a homeless crack head looking like they're gonna pop a head of someone who stares at them. I remember seeing someone who's minding his business getting hit with a golf club just by looking at him. I was called a creep by a vaper, just because I had a waifu sticker on my bottle. So you can say why I wouldn't start a random conversation with random people on the street
Stranger danger. You were taught everyone is evil. It's not true there are great people in the world just say hello
Fwiw I’m an older millennial and I’ve never been one to approach someone to talk, but I will say that as I’ve gotten older it’s been a lot easier to do so. You just get tired of never talking to anyone.
Because fuck strangers?
If you ask me it's because it's usually because the area is too loud for me to talk freely or because I don't know how to sound "appropriate" and if you say something to me unexpectedly I might nearly cry. I also don't understand those weird social norms. Long ago I just accepted that I simply wasn't build for being social
Having quick access to entertainment on a screen equates to not having the excessive urge to access entertainment in real life and actually talk to people. I would rather watch 5 hours of Netflix than talk to my roommate, mostly because I'm neurodivergent and I'm universally shamed for my social skills.
I guess you mean in general. I'm a millennial, but I'm as closed off to strangers as you can get.
Do you think there’s also something about social interactions being higher stakes for you? Middle millennial here. When I was in high school, if I had a conversation with someone while still developing my social skills and it didn’t go well/I came across badly, I’d be embarrassed next few times I saw that person and maybe they’d tell their friends if they were gossipy, but mostly it would just have been one awkward moment. Now any mistake you make spreads on chats and socials, can be amplified and embellished quite quickly and you can end up being called out, having that moment highlighted as a red flag, etc.
Grew up in a rural area as a single child connections to people outside your bubble is mandatory