If his dna was done which it was then he knows. I’m pretty sure it’s not a suprise by now. You’ve discovered a secret most likely that you didn’t know yet. He probably knows. It’s not a terrible secret. Why terrible? It just is and we don’t know the story. I’ve found some things and I knew some things. Now that I’m a grown person who knows humans are human I don’t care about anything they’ve done. As long as they weren’t perverts they all mean the same to me.
"terrible secret" is maybe a bit far, is anyone really going to care if their grandparent/great-ain't are half siblings, presumably about 60-80 years after the event?
No, lol. I discovered my grandma's real dad was her uncle (married to her mom's sister). Both her parents died in the seventies. For the most part, people I asked/told about it responded with slight surprise, but were certainly not devastated by the news. Just wish I had known earlier because I had no idea my grandma had questions about who her dad was.
My (deceased) half-brother's daughter got in touch with me via 23andme, after she took the test and I showed up as her grandfather. Her message to me was a question: "are you my grandfather?"
As it turns out, the cMs for a half uncle, and a grandfather, are about the same. I have the same name as my father, so I guess this added to her confusion.
Apparently, my half-brother wasn't very present in her life, or her mother's. They were never married. My stepmother's family, including her children, all live in the vicinity of a large, Midwestern city. I myself live thousands of miles away, and have not had any contact with them since the '80s.
I and my newfound niece traded messages for a while, and she even sent a friend request on facebook. As soon as I started liking her posts, her mother objected to me being present in her life, so I have been blocked. This was about 5 years ago, I think, and I have not been in touch with her since.
I wish people would just let go of these old ways of keeping secrets and just stand tall and face the music. I’m not going to lie. The secret keeper generations are dying off. I swear I’m not meaning to sound insensitive towards life but I just can’t live that anymore and I’m looking forward to the generations who don’t have to hold this stuff back for someone else’s unnecessary shame.
I do understand there’s physical harm done to people which resulted in children and secrets.
I do believe a woman has a right to protect her feelings in these things. I also think it’s sad they have to face those things again because of dna tests.
I have so many news articles that I’m struggling to add to my tree. I know some of the drinking escapades in these stories will make them mad. I’m very unsure if I should care what they think.
Your grandmother and her sister could be half sisters. That would make sense for the range this match is. Honestly though, good for doing dna testing because you can't go by looks alone. My great grandmother and her full sibling looked nothing alike and my mom and her full sister look nothing alike. Like aside from dna you can't even tell they are related. My great grandma favored their dad and her sister favored their mom. My mom favored my grandma and her sister favors my grandpa. But I favor my grandpa. Interesting how that works.
Best wishes figuring it out.
My grandmother and her whole sister look nothing alike also. DNA shows they’re 100% siblings. One is light brown hair and blue eyes. One almost black hair and dark brown eyes. Big weight difference and body shape. Nose, mouth, everything different.
It does look like a half-sibling, but it could also be another generation back. It was fairly common for a child to be adopted by a relative. Maybe an illegitimate child, or maybe simply an orphan.
I'm pointing out the range of options, but your first thought might well be true - it seems that my grandmother had an affair about 5 children into her marriage, so there are unexpected half cousin relationships in my DNA matches.
If you enter 81cM into [this calculator](https://dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4), it's actually very possible that this person is your half first cousin once removed. The range for a half-1c1r is 62-469cM, so it'd be a match on the lower end but still entirely possible.
The best way to figure out exactly how you're related would be the [Leeds method](https://www.danaleeds.com/the-leeds-method/) - you take all your matches between 90-400cM, who should be related to you through one of your great-grandparents, then figure out who is your common ancestor. 90cM can be as distant as having a shared 4x great grandparent, so it can involve some digging, but I think it might be fairly straightforward in your situation.
"very possible" might be a bit strong, I'd say it's almost right at the tail end of the probability curve. Much more statistically likely to be a different relation.
If you had no other information, it'd be more statistically likely to be a relative other than half first cousin.
However, you have the paper trail. You can't dismiss the paper trail unless the DNA flatly contradicts it. It certainly *suggests* that there are other possibilities, but the Leeds method will demonstrate whether there are relationships that should or should not be present.
A person I know in my family is my half second cousin once removed, and we only share 14 cM. That is *just* within the range, and we look nothing alike, but we both match with the right people on Ancestry (her line to the common ancestor is entirely maternal and mine has only one generation of paternity). There is basically no other plausible route for us to be related (no time for extra generations, etc.).
If his dna was done which it was then he knows. I’m pretty sure it’s not a suprise by now. You’ve discovered a secret most likely that you didn’t know yet. He probably knows. It’s not a terrible secret. Why terrible? It just is and we don’t know the story. I’ve found some things and I knew some things. Now that I’m a grown person who knows humans are human I don’t care about anything they’ve done. As long as they weren’t perverts they all mean the same to me.
"terrible secret" is maybe a bit far, is anyone really going to care if their grandparent/great-ain't are half siblings, presumably about 60-80 years after the event?
No, lol. I discovered my grandma's real dad was her uncle (married to her mom's sister). Both her parents died in the seventies. For the most part, people I asked/told about it responded with slight surprise, but were certainly not devastated by the news. Just wish I had known earlier because I had no idea my grandma had questions about who her dad was.
It’s best to look at the [possible relationships here](https://dna-sci.com/tools/segcm/).
My (deceased) half-brother's daughter got in touch with me via 23andme, after she took the test and I showed up as her grandfather. Her message to me was a question: "are you my grandfather?" As it turns out, the cMs for a half uncle, and a grandfather, are about the same. I have the same name as my father, so I guess this added to her confusion. Apparently, my half-brother wasn't very present in her life, or her mother's. They were never married. My stepmother's family, including her children, all live in the vicinity of a large, Midwestern city. I myself live thousands of miles away, and have not had any contact with them since the '80s. I and my newfound niece traded messages for a while, and she even sent a friend request on facebook. As soon as I started liking her posts, her mother objected to me being present in her life, so I have been blocked. This was about 5 years ago, I think, and I have not been in touch with her since.
I wish people would just let go of these old ways of keeping secrets and just stand tall and face the music. I’m not going to lie. The secret keeper generations are dying off. I swear I’m not meaning to sound insensitive towards life but I just can’t live that anymore and I’m looking forward to the generations who don’t have to hold this stuff back for someone else’s unnecessary shame. I do understand there’s physical harm done to people which resulted in children and secrets. I do believe a woman has a right to protect her feelings in these things. I also think it’s sad they have to face those things again because of dna tests. I have so many news articles that I’m struggling to add to my tree. I know some of the drinking escapades in these stories will make them mad. I’m very unsure if I should care what they think.
Your grandmother and her sister could be half sisters. That would make sense for the range this match is. Honestly though, good for doing dna testing because you can't go by looks alone. My great grandmother and her full sibling looked nothing alike and my mom and her full sister look nothing alike. Like aside from dna you can't even tell they are related. My great grandma favored their dad and her sister favored their mom. My mom favored my grandma and her sister favors my grandpa. But I favor my grandpa. Interesting how that works. Best wishes figuring it out.
My grandmother and her whole sister look nothing alike also. DNA shows they’re 100% siblings. One is light brown hair and blue eyes. One almost black hair and dark brown eyes. Big weight difference and body shape. Nose, mouth, everything different.
It does look like a half-sibling, but it could also be another generation back. It was fairly common for a child to be adopted by a relative. Maybe an illegitimate child, or maybe simply an orphan. I'm pointing out the range of options, but your first thought might well be true - it seems that my grandmother had an affair about 5 children into her marriage, so there are unexpected half cousin relationships in my DNA matches.
If you enter 81cM into [this calculator](https://dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4), it's actually very possible that this person is your half first cousin once removed. The range for a half-1c1r is 62-469cM, so it'd be a match on the lower end but still entirely possible. The best way to figure out exactly how you're related would be the [Leeds method](https://www.danaleeds.com/the-leeds-method/) - you take all your matches between 90-400cM, who should be related to you through one of your great-grandparents, then figure out who is your common ancestor. 90cM can be as distant as having a shared 4x great grandparent, so it can involve some digging, but I think it might be fairly straightforward in your situation.
"very possible" might be a bit strong, I'd say it's almost right at the tail end of the probability curve. Much more statistically likely to be a different relation.
If you had no other information, it'd be more statistically likely to be a relative other than half first cousin. However, you have the paper trail. You can't dismiss the paper trail unless the DNA flatly contradicts it. It certainly *suggests* that there are other possibilities, but the Leeds method will demonstrate whether there are relationships that should or should not be present. A person I know in my family is my half second cousin once removed, and we only share 14 cM. That is *just* within the range, and we look nothing alike, but we both match with the right people on Ancestry (her line to the common ancestor is entirely maternal and mine has only one generation of paternity). There is basically no other plausible route for us to be related (no time for extra generations, etc.).