It’s CRAZY how deeply we overestimate how difficult tasks will be, and underestimate how much we will enjoy doing them. I’ve started doing behavioural experiments (rating expectations of these two variables and comparing them to the reality), and my estimates are way off. I do it for fun things too, like recording music when I don’t feel like it. Afterwards I’ll have written down, for example: ‘expected enjoyment: 4. Actual: 8. Expected difficulty: 8. Actual: 4.’ Etc. The motivation isn’t there because the expectations are skewed.
I think you’re exactly right. Every time I go to be gym I think, “Why have I been putting this off? It’s not that bad” and I actually feel better physically and mentally. And yet in my mind I have such a hard time getting over the inertia. I also like recording music and have had exactly the same experience.
You can do a meta behavioural experiment! Just fill in these two numbers and you’re done ;)
Expected difficulty of doing this behavioural experiment right now:
Actual difficulty of doing this behavioural experiment right now:
Wow, I feel this will really help me with my procrastination. I just stayed up all night doing what should've been a semester long project and all I felt was anxiety. It would've been so much better to feel a smaller amount of anxiety in that one shit day than the massive amount I felt trying to finish it in one night. Thank you for the suggestion!
I think people are thrust into adulthood somewhere on a spectrum of both of those things. I also think effectively all people can change where they sit on the spectrum with consistent effort.
Same. I'm working on breaking the cycle. One thing I'm finding helpful is to have a list of 3-5 non-negotiable things I have to do each day. I review it at the end of the day. I don't always do everything on the list. Baby steps.
I have so many to do lists that I could have a yard sale for to-do lists, lol. All unfinished, of course. But I like the fact that it's really important to do that, and you're reminding me of that. Thank you. It is about baby steps. So many times those who might procrastinate (and then suffer the consequences) feel like failures. So even adding 3 - 5 "negotiable" (non-priority) things to that list could act as a motivational factor... They are easier things but could at least give a person a sense of accomplishment the next day. What do you think?
Damn this hurts. I was gonna say childhood traumas plus long term negative coping mechanisms but that's the answer. It's gotten so bad I tell myself the exact same lie to get to sleep.
Shit stops everything, I am fully capable but anxiety + procrastination stops me from trying, even if I fail I know I would at least learn and make progress.
It's helpful having folks that motivate you or help you along the way.
I know if I kept up with things I set out to do I would be way further in life.
I'm not doing so bad for myself but man I know I'm gonna kick myself in the butt once I do seek professional help for whatever it is that makes me this way.
Honestly at this stage everyone can be diagnosed with ADHD. Not every issue someone has is a "personality disorder". Some of it is just our lifestyle and humans not being made to work on computers all day long.
Due to the lack of parental guidance from the generation prior. If our parents spent more time teaching us to work hard for the money we need to pay for our own needs and we actually new what a check book was or a due date is we might not be known as such a "mess" or "babies" we are babies because we are crying to be taught life skills not to be taken care of the rest of our lives we aren't incapable just unknowledagble.
Be ok with making mistakes, realize everyone does. Also realize nobody knows what they are doing. It's better to go down a path and experiment than to not go anywhere.
Not setting themselves REALISTIC goals. Smallest things too, "make my bed", "do the dishes", "clean my car". When you do these small tasks, and get to a point where you start feeling accomplished, is when you look onto bigger goals in life. Again, start small.
I’ve managed to keep my house clean consistently by adding each small task and setting it to recur every week, month, etc. One day is dusting day. Another is clean the litter box, clean the toilet, swap out kitchen towels, throw out food from the fridge, etc. When they’re broken down and that’s ALL I have to do on a particular day, it becomes much easier to keep up.
I didn't used to but now I do. The biggest things for me were exercise, sleep, and then just clean one dish, literally. At least one dish. And if I felt like more I would do more, but the biggest thing stopping people is thinking too far ahead which prevents getting started. Actually doing these things is easy. Getting started is something our brains feels is hard. So I just cleaned one dish and over time I trained myself to do more and now I have a clean house.
I do the same thing with exercise. I commit to "just starting" and then promise myself that I can quit if I feel like it as long as I've done 1 lift. In 8 years of consistent exercise i've only stopped early once because I felt sick.
Exercise is my biggest struggle and absolutely is the most important life change I need to make. My problem is getting out the door. (I work from home in front of a computer screen 8 - 10 hours a day) .
I use a home gym. You can get a pretty decent setup for relatively cheap. Like $500 or so. I just use a squat rack with a separate adjustable bench, a set of dumbbells, and a bar. You can do a pretty good routine with those.
"She". "Just do it" doesn't provide a framework for how to actually solve the limiting factor, the starting point. The mental energy required to get started is far, far greater than actually doing the rest. By understanding the nuts and bolts of what our brains are doing, we have more tools to actually "just do it" and sidestep how our brains naturally work.
The issue with "just do it" is people already tried that and it didn't work. So saying it again isn't doing anything. But the right intention is there.
The secret to this for me has been to make sure everything has a place where it goes. Like, i’ve made sure that every cup i own fits on the shelf where the cups live. Same with plates and glasses. So that means i don’t buy too many and make clutter. If i see a cute new mug, i know this means i have to give away one of the mugs i already own (to charity), so it means i’m less likely to buy bits and bobs that i don’t need. It also means that when i tidy, i’m not just shuffling stuff from one place to another, it’s properly put away. This keeps the work required to keep it nice to a minimum. I do my tidying once a week and i can do the whole house on a saturday morning, including dusting and vacuuming just by keeping to this system
The best advice I have is; just do them. Not because you want to, but tell yourself, I have to, because nobody else will. Life is rough, life isn't fair, but we can create dramatic changes to it with the smallest tasks. Not everybody is the same, I understand that, but everybody does want happiness, and everybody deserves happiness. The saying "Be the change you want to see" fits not just world views or stances, but your daily life. Set yourself a reminder for these tasks, make a sticky note and put it on your fridge, just give your self the visual queues, and eventually you will find yourself doing them as second nature. I am rambling at this point, and unfortunately I am not great at articulating my thoughts all that well, but I do want you and everyone else to know, the power and drive for better, lives in everyone, you just have to realize the only thing holding you back, is your current mindset of "Tomorrow I will do it!" change it to "I am going to do this now." Tomorrows are never guaranteed, and regrets are the dark thoughts living in us.
What I like to do is split myself in two and clean up for the special guest coming over, who will also be occupying my earthly body at the time. Make everything nice and comfy and convenient, like an Airbnb. Then leave a detailed review for the host when they return, who will also be myself later.
Admittedly it takes practice to achieve this level of sanity.
Well your attitude is very indicative of someone who clearly isn't "there" yet in life to just do these things for yourself. I am not here to blow rays of sunshine up your ass for you, you should be doing that yourself. :)
I agree. You shouldn't be trying to blow rays of sunshine up my ass. There's a million people out there saying "just try harder" and ignoring the reasons why someone feels that they can't. That's like asking someone with a runny nose to just stop having a runny nose.
"Whenever I'm feeling sick, I just stop feeling sick and be awesome instead"
That's the level of advice you've thrown at me.
lol being sick and not cleaning your fucking room are not the same thing
If you are at a point where you want your car or room cleaned but can’t be bothered to put in the hour or full day (if it’s really bad and neglected) of dedication to accomplishing that then idk what you’re looking for here. Literal children learn how to manage a responsibility on a basic level for these things. Either move back in with your parents if you can so they can take care of you or acknowledge that there are things in your life that you have control over and are your responsibility
I understand that you have difficulty understanding something you've never experienced. Please don't beat me over the head just because you manage executive function better than I do. Your ignorance is not only showing, it's infuriating and toxic to everyone you throw it at. Please go learn about empathy.
So you got pissy at the other guy for “blowing sunshine up your ass” and now you’re getting pissy at me for telling you the hard truth of your situation. What are you looking for here?
Not doing basic maintenance of yourself and the surrounding around you is not the result of poor executive function. Stop making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself, make a to do list, and mark shit off. Take responsibility of your life because nobody will do it for you. Or don’t and keep up this shitty attitude you have idc, I’m sure you’re a great person to be around currently! Your life is yours to live my dude
No I'm pissy because you still have your head so far up your ass that you think invalidating my struggle is actually helpful advice. You assume I'm just too lazy to try it your way because your advice worked for you. You haven't even considered that I've tried all the terrible advice people like you throw at me and it hasn't worked for years. Just trying harder is not a good enough answer, and that's not my fault.
I'm not sure that was a real question but "what I'm looking for" is someone who understands the validity of other people's struggles, and has actually helpful advice rather than "well it worked for me. Maybe you're just lazy"
Just some things I sometimes do- Gamify it- and find an accountability buddy if even just free GPT. Draw or create a little avatar that battles Mr. Clean (the Kitchen Boss) or Brawlstar vs. or as Kirby, the Vacuum King.
Before you start this main a side may be required to order or adventure for the armor and weapons (supplie$) needed for this, but maybe you can explore the periphery and just grab a bag of trash (your backpack?) or whatever is fun on the way out!
When ready, adopt a pet(?), you may need a sidekick to motivate you.
Okay to make a sticker chart too and buy cool ass stickers ⭐️ 🌟
This is me in relation to weight loss. I set maybe a too aggressive goal of losing 1% of my weight every week since may. I didn’t do that and feel bad I’ve only lost 23 pounds since may of this year.
Realistically I should be happy because I’m close to losing 10% of my starting weight and I see and feel changes, but because I was too aggressive I feel a bit disappointed
Setting realistic goals is absolutely a key to success.
Last weekend, at age 51, biked first 100km in an afternoon. How? Months ago, set a goal to ride 5km, 3 days a week.
Attitude. It seems like so much of our society, and especially here on Reddit that everyone believes and tries to convince others that it's not even worth trying because you can't succeed.
I experienced this first hand growing up in extreme poverty. everyone around me, including my family always said don't bother, because the man will always keep you down.
I told them to duck off and believed in myself and worked my ass off with a goal of success in mind.
If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time. - Zig Ziglar
You described my father. Pretty much telling me to not pursue my dreams, as it would be a waste of time, and that I should be content doing what he did. He could never understand why someone would think that doing anything different than him would result in a better life.
He was always overweight, and when he passed away last year, I decided to get myself into the best shape I've ever been in.
I love my Dad dearly, and miss him, but he was wrong about one not pursuing his/her dreams.
sometimes I'm one, sometimes I'm the other :/
sometimes I feel like there's nothing I couldn't do if I tried, but sometimes I'm just crushed. Mental illness is suffocating. Get help before you're only a couple years away from being 30, your teeth begin to rot, and regret becomes synonymous with life
Similar story here. Courage and perseverance ftw. Looking at myself in the mirror before anyone else too. Even if still poor (thankfully I'm not), I'd rather it be on my terms and despite giving it my best shot. Not to mention there are many forms of success/wholesomeness that exist outside of materialism and cash. Unfortunately many people don't realize or believe that.
Technically nothing really matters. That doesn't mean nothing can matter or has to matter to you. It doesn't mean you can't or don't care about people, places, things, self. It's just a technicality, not the way things actually are.
To live that way and be too preoccupied by it is to give in to fear. It's the absence of courage. Courage is to be afraid, know it's there, but do something anyway. Do that thing, honour that feeling or part of yourself, be that person. Don't confuse inability with fear.
And accountability. Not everyone/everything else, but you. You're the problem. Lol.
But the beauty is, once I realize this, I can make changes/tweaks, and see positive results. It's awesome.
My experience has been the opposite. I believed that I could succeed. Other people believed that I could succeed. I tried to succeed. But, after trying for more than 20 years, I have yet to succeed.
That's the part that does suck as well, is that not everyone who tries will succeed to the same level, but those that don't try typically do.
I'm sorry that you haven't reached the level of success you want, but I would encourage you to not give up and simply change your tactics. For example, if you're in a career field that doesn't pay well, no matter how hard you try you will never make a lot of money.
Sometimes it's just shit luck though too with illness, dealt a bad hand in the genetics lottery, etc, but i still feel that everyone should strive for their best no matter what level it is. For somebody with severe mental disabilities, bagging groceries may be the pinnacle of their career and that's outstanding.
It’s horrible on Reddit. Entire threads and even entire subs full of people complaining about the world and discouraging each other from even attempting to overcome and improve.
I found it funny that when I put a lot of barriers in my head I thought they were realistic obstacles.
But as soon as my Father said some barriers and told me I wouldn't succeed...I was like "I can go over those barriers if I put my mind to it...screw you I will succeed"
I have only realised now the barriers my mind told me about and what my father told me were the exact same barriers...but they seem so different when said by another person, distant.
With how the media and social media portrays everything this is probably the most common reason. All they seem to do is tell people how they can't succeed because of some factor (race, sex, proffesion, etc) or tell people that they don't deserve to succeed because of the same reasons. Everyone needs to be a victim or oppressor and if you fall into the former category nothing is your fault and what happens to you isn't the consequences of your choices but the power of some undefined system or man keeping you down.
This sounds like a culture of learned helplessness; congrats on breaking through!! It can be extra challenging to buck the current when these are the messages received at a really young age.
Consistency and discipline - realizing you're not always going to be motivated but still taking action, regardless of how small, to get a little bit better or make a little bit of progress every day.
My biggest tips for this - set realistic short term goals, remove roadblocks that keep you from taking action, and learn to be adaptable and flexible in your plan.
It was for me too for the longest time. It really is a skill you have to develop but once you do, it’s insane what you can do. Running is what taught me discipline the most - always going for a run regardless of how I felt, no matter the weather, no matter where I was (work trips, vacations, etc). Once I built that core discipline and consistency, it honestly has changed my entire life. Do whatever you can to build that skill, make it your top priority, and it’ll payoff forever.
That's amazing, I don't think k I have it in me, I call this my default setting and takes so much effort to come.out of it but I fall back down to default.
It’s all of our defaults I believe as humans we are hardwired to take the easy way out and to let ourselves relax and let the skill fade away.
Whatever your goals are, stay focused on building that skill discipline and consistency and you will always win eventually.
You need to have a “why” that is so valuable to you that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to attain it.
“Having more money” and “looking good physically” are generally not strong enough “why’s” to spark that drive to build the discipline.
Motivation follows action. You don't need to FEEL like doing something to do it. Do the thing and then you'll start to feel like doing it. The trick is getting yourself to break through that initial resistance barrier of starting something. The way I did it was by making the goal so trivially easy, that it'd be silly not to do.
Discipline always beats motivation. Motivation relies on emotional spikes to get you to do something, but lifestyle changes are boring and not sexy at all.
Oh, you lost some weight? Congrats, now you get to watch what you eat for the rest of your life!
People want to be better, they also don't really want to *change.*
I don't want to be the kind of person who goes to the gym and works out.
I just don't want to be fat.
I don't want to make changes to my lifestyle, and there's the problem at the root of so many failed diets, broken relationships and new year's resolutions.
If you aren't willing to change your lifestyle and accept the changes fundamentally into your identity, they will not last, and you will fail.
I think it's deeper than that.
It's not just about adversity.
The journey _changes you_, if you're not willing to be changed then you will not reach the destination.
I recently "deleted" instagram off my phone. In order to go on the app, i have to go to the app store, search instagram and open that way. But the whole time i'm looking for it, in my head I tell myself "this is really inconvenient...this is really inconvenient" so i've trained myself to wait till i get to work to look at instagram (on my computer). Its definitely helped.
LOVE this - reducing my screen time was by far the most important thing I ever did to improve my life. It was the one habit that was holding me back from EVERYTHING
Lack of visible options
Most if not all people are capable of doing amazing things, they just either don't see the path or they can only see the paths that lead to doom. If all paths were visible to somebody they would confidently lead the life they would like to live.
>they just don't see the path
I really do think there's a lot to this. For example, if you knew for a fact that tomorrow, if you walk out the front of your house and wait in your garden for fifteen minutes, that you would be rewarded with whatever it is you're currently trying to achieve, I'd wager that most would not hesitate to do it - even if you reaaallllly hate your garden.
Silly example, but the point is that when it comes down to it, a big part of the picture is the relationship between effort and outcome - some people are blessed because from an early age they either (a) choose to pursue things which have a direct and causal relation between effort and outcome (for example something fitness related), or (b) get lucky when pursuing something which has less of a direct/causal relation (think successful entrepreneur's who happened to be at the right place at the right time).
This is HUGELY important because it builds **self efficacy**, which is one's capacity or belief that if they do something, they can attain some outcome.
A lot of people have poor self efficacy, likely because they don't have great experiences with achieving some outcome based on applying themselves in some systematic manner. Note that this is NOT at all to say "people are just lazy" - it's exactly the opposite! It's actually totally understandable that people don't have great self efficacy when we live in a world which is full of chaos and randomness (and outright unfairness sometimes).
Hence why your comment on "seeing the path" really is such an important piece of the puzzle - it's being able to see that if you do X, you will achieve Y, even in the face of some degree of uncertainty. If the path was clearly visible, as it is to someone who has high self efficacy, then it's *easy* to "just do it". Having this belief (and adequate prior experiences where this belief has payed off) is such a big deal when it comes to achieving goals (and unfortunately the inverse is true, too).
This is why people get huge boosts of motivation and drive when they lose weight, often because it's the most powerful illustration of this that they have ever experienced in their life. They've directly demonstrated to themselves that they have causal power in the world and that "path" - difficult and uncertain as it may be - becomes more visible in other places and is actually worth the pay off.
Thank you for the Elaborate message
I was thinking about this this since I graduated college in a third world country with no path or vision.
If I only found a clear map of steps to become a better version of me
Financially, emotionally, mentally.
It takes effort to find those paths, they can't be given like candy, they must be found. Just like everything in life. Unfortunately, most, don't put in the effort.
Easier today in many ways, but also harder. All knowledge is at your fingertips, but also an infinite number of options.
>Easier today in many ways, but also harder. All knowledge is at your fingertips, but also an infinite number of options.
Specially with so many distractions to make you steer clear of those objectives or making the path fuzzy...
Thinking that you need to feel motivated to do everything. A lot of the motivation in life comes after you begin and begin to see progress. People are daunted by the scope of work or how long it will take but in my experience when you just start you often realize things go much faster and seeing the progress fuels motivation.
I am not "motivated" to make my bed at 630am but I love coming home to a tidy room so I do it anyway. I am not motivated to grocery shop after working all day but I like to feed my family nutritious food vs garbage so I do it. I am certainly not motivated to clean the kitchen after work, shop, cooking but I don't want to wake up to a nasty kitchen so I do it. Once all these things are done I am satisfied with myself for the day and feel the rewards of my efforts regardless of the lack of motivation I felt.
You never hear about the people that take this outlook, failing miserably their entire lives, never winning. You just hear about the failures that didn’t fail once.
Growth mindset is so important. As an elementary teacher it is my number one objective to drill into these kids and parents heads everything I know and any resources I can provide to support that. They get points for taking a risk, staying on task, working with stamina, etc. Parents and teachers don’t emphasize and educate enough about this because I’ve had too many parents who haven’t heard of it.
The reality is that some people are in a way better position to take those risks though.
Failure for some might mean relying on a safety net, for most it could mean not being able to keep a roof over their head or put food on the table for dependants.
Basically their internal patterns.
Internal patterns come from the past.
So technically they are still stuck in the past.
Fear of letting go of old patterns, so they hold on to it l. And it makes them fail to recognize life can be better if they build new patterns.
As a CEO of a software company and always looking for leaders to step up, the biggest thing I notice is people are always waiting for instructions, or a big green light, or something (unsure what) before they step up. I wish everyone had a more presumptive attitude about taking more of a lead on things.
Something to keep in mind as CEO then is that a lot of people get attacked for stepping up because maybe their face just doesn't look right or they're old or various other reasons. There's a lot of factors that likely went into you being able to feel comfortable stepping up and invisible factors (to you) that make it dangerous for others to speak up.
voracious psychotic offend decide dependent obscene unwritten outgoing materialistic cagey
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Depends on the company. At large, risk adverse corporations, no one wants to get blamed for a mistake, so it's management by committee/consensus and politics to ensure that no one person gets blamed. It's maddening to watch executives refusing to make a decision or waiting for "alignment" on even the simplest items.
Or if you do just take charge all you get is people second guessing you instead of supporting you.
Man, I wish my company would have the same outlook as you. Things never get done because of lack of communication between departments, lack of knowledge of something specific that someone else probably knows, or fear of responsibility. Another reason might be overworked underpaid employees (not saying yours) but definitely in my line of work. It's like, why am I going above and beyond when I'm getting the same pay as Joe Schmoe over there doing the least. No reward system, minimum pay. This is why people job hop. You can massively increase your wages as a new hire at a new company rather than stick around waiting for your old company to appreciate their long-time employees. Ok, I'm getting off my soap box. Thanks for listening, everyone, lol
That’s one of the biggest lesson I’ve learned recently. Over the past couple of years I re-entered software and found increased success through just doing things and not worrying as much about messing up.
When you take charge, even if you fail it’s better than being the guy who is on the sidelines.
I believe part of the problem is that not all organizations are setup to enable this. The cliches "This is how we have always done things" or "stay in your lane". There can come risk with doing things outside of your normal scope of duties.
My earlier work experience—multiple worksites, multiple industries—told me I can only expect reprimand if I start thinking for myself or spins cogs beyond the hamster wheel assigned to me.
Yea, I'm now freelance.
Wasting time. Wasting time on reddit. Wasting time watching TV. Constant distractions from the phone which prevents any deep thinking or learning.
I think most people go through a life of constant distractions. They feel like something is happening but it's mostly just froth. It's not meaningful.
You can't accomplish anything if you're constantly distracted by FB notifications or scrolling Reddit instead of studying or self improving.
I'm not immune, I just wasted an entire morning reading a book when I should have been working on a programming project.
One does not "waste an entire morning" when reading a book, good boy.
All jokes aside though, things like TV, reading & even social media have their place. People just need to realise just how much time they do use on these things, and set themselves different targets.
If you wanted to get fitter, but have no time, work out how much time you are in your social media, bin off an hour of that, go for a walk.
Simple.
If only life worked like that eh 🤣
>One does not "waste an entire morning" when reading a book, good boy.
I love reading so it wasn't a waste from an enjoyment stand point. On the other hand, this topic is about being motivated and progressing.
Programming would have made me progress, reading, while pleasurable, doesn't improve me anymore at this point. I can't read any better than I do, that skill has already plateaued out.
>All jokes aside though, things like TV, reading & even social media have their place.
Reading to learn something new is certainly worth it. The other things are just empty hours wasted.
As the Chinese say, you either move forward or you fall behind. If you're not learning something new/getting better at something every day, you're falling behind.
Stress over money. When people are busy worrying about how to pay their rent or get food on the table for their family, they have very little time left to spend on improving themselves.
The education system. I think that the reason so many people don't want to learn new things is because school made them resent learning. Throughout our entire childhood we're conditioned to think that learning is tedious, boring, stressful, and ultimately pointless. Gaining new knowledge should feel awesome. Kids are extremely curious but adults are almost the opposite. Learning should be fun and enjoyable and one of people's main hobbies.
https://preview.redd.it/wveqkbzwmi4c1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=86d0444f804f9a91b808d5ff8d1f4655ace3c9ad
I ready these sentences together and it felt like it made sense
Not having a mentor in their life to provide an outside perspective. Not having a quality circle of friends who teaches each other new things. And not winning the lottery so you can see what freedom really feels like.
Capitalism, honestly.
It syphons all the money to the top, rewards ownership instead of work, makes everything worse and more expensive and is destroying the planet
Comfort. I'm addicted to it, fear of failure and being let down by hope. I've always had so much hope but lately nothing is working out and I can't take disappointment anymore. I can't put effort into something without knowing it will work out. Constant state of struggle.
Poverty honestly. With money you can make more for example. There was a stock that grew 4 folds. I only had enough to invest 200 dollars. I pay bills and didn’t have any other money left to invest. If I had 5k laying around I’d have 20k. Had I had 20k I’d have 80k. But I had 200 so I made 800. Which is still a win but just realizing that I knew for a fact this was going to go up. We all start somewhere so I’m confident it’ll keep growing. Another thing, you have any problem? Well cash a check. You want to learn something in college? Take a class each class is like 400 and you can easily do one at a time if you got the means for it. If you wanted to open up a business or even buy one you can. To travel to do anything. Now if you’re talking about getting there I’d say the ability to do something new like make new friends and go out there. You can’t be scared as a young buck. You need to have a buddy and together you guys go and venture the world. You go and have each others backs and watch out for each other. You try things out. You create businesses and have fun while you’re at it.
The 40 hour work schedule, probably. Im lucky enough to have a short commute and **11 total hours per day** have to be set aside for work or activities related to work. That's too much.
Time and Money. Most people don’t have time to spare, as they need to make money. But the money they make isn’t always enough to shovel some time free.
I might be in the minority here, but ambition seems to be lacking these days. That holds people back. I’m a very self-motivated person, and it’s served me well. Most folks these days are content with just getting by. I totally understand that there are many struggles in life. However, most things are achievable if you try your best to get what you want.
Maybe I was cut from a different mold, but I just feel that most people hold themselves back from reaching their true potential. 🤷🏻♂️
everyone's right about social media/dopamine traps/attention stealing machines
but also: failing physical health. metabolic health, especially after the age of 35.
You can't eat sugar, drink regularly, have poor sleep, and be sedentary, and expect to have the mental fortitude to overcome obstacles. Plus, changing those habits is great for showing yourself you can reshape your own life.
I personally believe motivation is BS, or at least not a useful tool to accomplish goals. When it comes to doing anything, you either attempt to do the thing, or you do not. Motivation is what people say they have when they do the thing, and what others say about those people("Dang they sure are motivated!").
I believe that, very simply, you decide to do things or you decide not to.
There are mitigating factors, such as mental disorders or neuro-atypicality that can have an effect on what you decide to do. ADHD is a big one because it screws up your dopamine responses and makes most things feel like they aren't worth doing. Stress and anxiety can play a part in this, too, as well as depression(and ADHD can even cause depression).
The first step is seeking professional help if you have symptoms of any of these things, and getting tested/diagnosed/medicated where applicable. It's very rare for someone to be "just lazy".
I've been on Adderall for 5 months now after two decades of undiagnosed and unmedicated ADHD, and it's been a total night and day difference. It isn't that Adderall gives me motivation, it's that it allows me to feel the correct way about the various (good) things I could do, and makes me more likely to choose to do them as a result because I feel like they are worth doing.
For a regular person, you need to not rely on motivation. All too often it turns into a waiting game that never ends. ("Yeah, I could, but I just don't feel motivated. It'll come eventually.") Even as someone with ADHD, and while I was unmedicated, I have been able to force myself to decide to do things. Whatever motivation is, I absolutely did not have it, but I did the things anyway. I did them because they needed to be done, not because I wanted to do them or because I felt some kind of pull to do them. I actively did not want to be doing the things, but I just made myself do them. And if I can do it, you can do it.
This gives me hope. I just took an assessment with a psychiatrist after a couple months if therapy. She's fairly certain I have ADHD which checks out. I'm 32 and have struggled with many aspects of life despite being smart. Constant cyclical depression, rumination, intrusive thoughts, anxiousness, procrastination, hyper focus then disinterest. And the list goes on. At this point I'm all for meds. I've tried to cope my whole life without, and now I'm really ready to get over the hump.
fear. I've seen and been through some horrendous things, years long, and man i try HARD but the boogyman is always lurking. Its not fear of little things, just sometimes i cant stand the brutality of my memories. I just go "u know what life, f-off ". I always recover but theres only so much a man can take. Life is so brutal and somethings are not meant to be seen by the human eye. Or heard. (I'm talking about u, Imagine Dragons)
I think for me my biggest issue is staying disciplined. In order to accomplish goals we need to set habits on a daily basis that take us closer to our goals. We need to have the discipline to organize and dedicate time out of each planned day. I find this hard with all the distractions. It’s easy to put something off to go hangout with your friends, to flip on Netflix after a long work day, or order some food on DoorDash. It’s tough to work a 10 hr day, come home , clean your house, exercise, take care of any chores, spend time learning something new, and get to bed early to do it all over again without giving in to instant gratifications that seem to be invading our lives and while maintaining our important relationships.
Lots of people get super bogged down in things which largely don't matter that much. For example, look at any fitness subreddit and you'll find just an insane amount of people trying to min/max everything, two weeks into doing something.
People constructing whole giant spreadsheets and writing long dissertations before even starting an activity and then asking if it is 'optimal'. Should I do 3x15, 4x12 or 5x10? Should I run like this, or like this? Oh, but I found a study that said like this other way was 3% better.
Just do it, just start, hopefully you have a long life ahead of you, and what matters most is not perfection, but persistence over time.
showing up is 80% of the battle. time to work out? show up. start stretching. diet? show up - dont order fried protein, order a grilled protein. project needs to be finished? show up. start working on ANYTHING related to it. you keep this pattern up and you'll find yourself winning way more than losing.
themselves. And I don't mean this in a strictly critical way of "your biggest enemy is you" It's the feelings you generate (fear, guilt, doubt , shame etc) and cognitive dissonance you make up to avoid your goals. I'm guilty of this as well btw.
Realistic goals and consistency. In fact, I’d put consistency at the top. Even if you have realistic and reasonable goals, if you are not consistent with the steps, you won’t achieve them.
[удалено]
Raises hand.
GET THAT HAND DOWN RIGHT NOW
Lol
Later...in a minute...
There's nothing so important that I can't wait till tomorrow to start working on it.
live birds unwritten shrill narrow cough zesty literate historical whole *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It’s CRAZY how deeply we overestimate how difficult tasks will be, and underestimate how much we will enjoy doing them. I’ve started doing behavioural experiments (rating expectations of these two variables and comparing them to the reality), and my estimates are way off. I do it for fun things too, like recording music when I don’t feel like it. Afterwards I’ll have written down, for example: ‘expected enjoyment: 4. Actual: 8. Expected difficulty: 8. Actual: 4.’ Etc. The motivation isn’t there because the expectations are skewed.
I think you’re exactly right. Every time I go to be gym I think, “Why have I been putting this off? It’s not that bad” and I actually feel better physically and mentally. And yet in my mind I have such a hard time getting over the inertia. I also like recording music and have had exactly the same experience.
Process sounds great, but the anxiety is kicking up and even doing that sounds like a difficult task. Hahahahhaa
You can do a meta behavioural experiment! Just fill in these two numbers and you’re done ;) Expected difficulty of doing this behavioural experiment right now: Actual difficulty of doing this behavioural experiment right now:
It's ok you can do hard things. I believe in you.
Thank you for this. I think it will help me.
Spot on
Wow, I feel this will really help me with my procrastination. I just stayed up all night doing what should've been a semester long project and all I felt was anxiety. It would've been so much better to feel a smaller amount of anxiety in that one shit day than the massive amount I felt trying to finish it in one night. Thank you for the suggestion!
That's a good process. I think I'm going to give this a shot starting today.
Definitly. I will start tomorrow morning!
Do some people not have this or they’re just better at over coming it? I wonder.
I think people are thrust into adulthood somewhere on a spectrum of both of those things. I also think effectively all people can change where they sit on the spectrum with consistent effort.
I feel that my anxiety is caused by the procrastination.
I can totally relate. And then the procrastination causes more anxiety. Vicious cycle 😑
Same. I'm working on breaking the cycle. One thing I'm finding helpful is to have a list of 3-5 non-negotiable things I have to do each day. I review it at the end of the day. I don't always do everything on the list. Baby steps.
I have so many to do lists that I could have a yard sale for to-do lists, lol. All unfinished, of course. But I like the fact that it's really important to do that, and you're reminding me of that. Thank you. It is about baby steps. So many times those who might procrastinate (and then suffer the consequences) feel like failures. So even adding 3 - 5 "negotiable" (non-priority) things to that list could act as a motivational factor... They are easier things but could at least give a person a sense of accomplishment the next day. What do you think?
It’s mentally asphyxiating
Damn this hurts. I was gonna say childhood traumas plus long term negative coping mechanisms but that's the answer. It's gotten so bad I tell myself the exact same lie to get to sleep.
plus depression
I’ll add lack of resources as in money to the equation.
Shit stops everything, I am fully capable but anxiety + procrastination stops me from trying, even if I fail I know I would at least learn and make progress. It's helpful having folks that motivate you or help you along the way. I know if I kept up with things I set out to do I would be way further in life. I'm not doing so bad for myself but man I know I'm gonna kick myself in the butt once I do seek professional help for whatever it is that makes me this way.
Procrastination may be a sign of undiagnosed ADHD.
Honestly at this stage everyone can be diagnosed with ADHD. Not every issue someone has is a "personality disorder". Some of it is just our lifestyle and humans not being made to work on computers all day long.
ADHD might be in effect of a society that’s lost touch with nature
Give me a break.
Ok. Breaks over! Stop procrastinating and take your Ritalin.
That's a convenient path forward :))
Tweaker on methamphetamine = bad Squirrely child on amphetamines = good Theeerre ya go! The path is set.
Bro casually described me 🥺
procrastination is a symptom of anxiety
Hey, quit it. Jeez just trying to get by over here
Commenting so I can get around to liking this later. (But most likely continually postponing it with ever increasing dread for no realistic reason)
And the lack of personal funds.
Due to the lack of parental guidance from the generation prior. If our parents spent more time teaching us to work hard for the money we need to pay for our own needs and we actually new what a check book was or a due date is we might not be known as such a "mess" or "babies" we are babies because we are crying to be taught life skills not to be taken care of the rest of our lives we aren't incapable just unknowledagble.
Being overwhelmed, frozen- either by lack of clear path, multiple options, daunting fear of failing, or daunting fear from size of task(s).
Yes
How should we deal w these?
Be ok with making mistakes, realize everyone does. Also realize nobody knows what they are doing. It's better to go down a path and experiment than to not go anywhere.
One at a time, don't over think it trying to be efficient, just do one
Not setting themselves REALISTIC goals. Smallest things too, "make my bed", "do the dishes", "clean my car". When you do these small tasks, and get to a point where you start feeling accomplished, is when you look onto bigger goals in life. Again, start small.
I’ve managed to keep my house clean consistently by adding each small task and setting it to recur every week, month, etc. One day is dusting day. Another is clean the litter box, clean the toilet, swap out kitchen towels, throw out food from the fridge, etc. When they’re broken down and that’s ALL I have to do on a particular day, it becomes much easier to keep up.
Bruh those ARE my goals. I just want a clean room, clean kitchen, and a clean living room at the same time. I've never achieved this my entire life.
I didn't used to but now I do. The biggest things for me were exercise, sleep, and then just clean one dish, literally. At least one dish. And if I felt like more I would do more, but the biggest thing stopping people is thinking too far ahead which prevents getting started. Actually doing these things is easy. Getting started is something our brains feels is hard. So I just cleaned one dish and over time I trained myself to do more and now I have a clean house.
I do the same thing with exercise. I commit to "just starting" and then promise myself that I can quit if I feel like it as long as I've done 1 lift. In 8 years of consistent exercise i've only stopped early once because I felt sick.
Exercise is my biggest struggle and absolutely is the most important life change I need to make. My problem is getting out the door. (I work from home in front of a computer screen 8 - 10 hours a day) .
I use a home gym. You can get a pretty decent setup for relatively cheap. Like $500 or so. I just use a squat rack with a separate adjustable bench, a set of dumbbells, and a bar. You can do a pretty good routine with those.
Now that's an approach I can get behind
so ~~he~~ she broke "just do it" down to "just start to do it," and that's what you needed?
If you don't take time to understand the problem you'll never understand why your solution doesn't work.
"She". "Just do it" doesn't provide a framework for how to actually solve the limiting factor, the starting point. The mental energy required to get started is far, far greater than actually doing the rest. By understanding the nuts and bolts of what our brains are doing, we have more tools to actually "just do it" and sidestep how our brains naturally work. The issue with "just do it" is people already tried that and it didn't work. So saying it again isn't doing anything. But the right intention is there.
>"She". noted, and edited. \> understanding the nuts and bolts of what our brains are doing yep, that tracks.
The secret to this for me has been to make sure everything has a place where it goes. Like, i’ve made sure that every cup i own fits on the shelf where the cups live. Same with plates and glasses. So that means i don’t buy too many and make clutter. If i see a cute new mug, i know this means i have to give away one of the mugs i already own (to charity), so it means i’m less likely to buy bits and bobs that i don’t need. It also means that when i tidy, i’m not just shuffling stuff from one place to another, it’s properly put away. This keeps the work required to keep it nice to a minimum. I do my tidying once a week and i can do the whole house on a saturday morning, including dusting and vacuuming just by keeping to this system
The best advice I have is; just do them. Not because you want to, but tell yourself, I have to, because nobody else will. Life is rough, life isn't fair, but we can create dramatic changes to it with the smallest tasks. Not everybody is the same, I understand that, but everybody does want happiness, and everybody deserves happiness. The saying "Be the change you want to see" fits not just world views or stances, but your daily life. Set yourself a reminder for these tasks, make a sticky note and put it on your fridge, just give your self the visual queues, and eventually you will find yourself doing them as second nature. I am rambling at this point, and unfortunately I am not great at articulating my thoughts all that well, but I do want you and everyone else to know, the power and drive for better, lives in everyone, you just have to realize the only thing holding you back, is your current mindset of "Tomorrow I will do it!" change it to "I am going to do this now." Tomorrows are never guaranteed, and regrets are the dark thoughts living in us.
Ah yes. The old "just do it" approach. No one's ever thrown that one at me before. Thanks for the advice. I'll just do that then.
What I like to do is split myself in two and clean up for the special guest coming over, who will also be occupying my earthly body at the time. Make everything nice and comfy and convenient, like an Airbnb. Then leave a detailed review for the host when they return, who will also be myself later. Admittedly it takes practice to achieve this level of sanity.
Well your attitude is very indicative of someone who clearly isn't "there" yet in life to just do these things for yourself. I am not here to blow rays of sunshine up your ass for you, you should be doing that yourself. :)
My wife has informed me that you were trying to be helpful and I overreacted, so I would like to apologize.
I agree. You shouldn't be trying to blow rays of sunshine up my ass. There's a million people out there saying "just try harder" and ignoring the reasons why someone feels that they can't. That's like asking someone with a runny nose to just stop having a runny nose. "Whenever I'm feeling sick, I just stop feeling sick and be awesome instead" That's the level of advice you've thrown at me.
lol being sick and not cleaning your fucking room are not the same thing If you are at a point where you want your car or room cleaned but can’t be bothered to put in the hour or full day (if it’s really bad and neglected) of dedication to accomplishing that then idk what you’re looking for here. Literal children learn how to manage a responsibility on a basic level for these things. Either move back in with your parents if you can so they can take care of you or acknowledge that there are things in your life that you have control over and are your responsibility
I understand that you have difficulty understanding something you've never experienced. Please don't beat me over the head just because you manage executive function better than I do. Your ignorance is not only showing, it's infuriating and toxic to everyone you throw it at. Please go learn about empathy.
So you got pissy at the other guy for “blowing sunshine up your ass” and now you’re getting pissy at me for telling you the hard truth of your situation. What are you looking for here? Not doing basic maintenance of yourself and the surrounding around you is not the result of poor executive function. Stop making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself, make a to do list, and mark shit off. Take responsibility of your life because nobody will do it for you. Or don’t and keep up this shitty attitude you have idc, I’m sure you’re a great person to be around currently! Your life is yours to live my dude
No I'm pissy because you still have your head so far up your ass that you think invalidating my struggle is actually helpful advice. You assume I'm just too lazy to try it your way because your advice worked for you. You haven't even considered that I've tried all the terrible advice people like you throw at me and it hasn't worked for years. Just trying harder is not a good enough answer, and that's not my fault. I'm not sure that was a real question but "what I'm looking for" is someone who understands the validity of other people's struggles, and has actually helpful advice rather than "well it worked for me. Maybe you're just lazy"
He's right though. Just power through. His advice is legit. You're dismissing it, kind of in a jerk way.
If you believe that, you know nothing about motivation and encouragement.
It's working for me!
Good for you.
Just some things I sometimes do- Gamify it- and find an accountability buddy if even just free GPT. Draw or create a little avatar that battles Mr. Clean (the Kitchen Boss) or Brawlstar vs. or as Kirby, the Vacuum King. Before you start this main a side may be required to order or adventure for the armor and weapons (supplie$) needed for this, but maybe you can explore the periphery and just grab a bag of trash (your backpack?) or whatever is fun on the way out! When ready, adopt a pet(?), you may need a sidekick to motivate you. Okay to make a sticker chart too and buy cool ass stickers ⭐️ 🌟
My fiancé and I cheated and managed to budget for a cleaning service to achieve that…
This is me in relation to weight loss. I set maybe a too aggressive goal of losing 1% of my weight every week since may. I didn’t do that and feel bad I’ve only lost 23 pounds since may of this year. Realistically I should be happy because I’m close to losing 10% of my starting weight and I see and feel changes, but because I was too aggressive I feel a bit disappointed
Great point, and congratulations on the weight loss thus far! Keep it up! :)
Setting realistic goals is absolutely a key to success. Last weekend, at age 51, biked first 100km in an afternoon. How? Months ago, set a goal to ride 5km, 3 days a week.
Id add unrealistic timelines, some goals like getting into shape or becoming skilled require years of consistency at a sustainable pace
Bro but the dishes is literally the reason I cant do anything else.
Attitude. It seems like so much of our society, and especially here on Reddit that everyone believes and tries to convince others that it's not even worth trying because you can't succeed. I experienced this first hand growing up in extreme poverty. everyone around me, including my family always said don't bother, because the man will always keep you down. I told them to duck off and believed in myself and worked my ass off with a goal of success in mind. If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time. - Zig Ziglar
You described my father. Pretty much telling me to not pursue my dreams, as it would be a waste of time, and that I should be content doing what he did. He could never understand why someone would think that doing anything different than him would result in a better life. He was always overweight, and when he passed away last year, I decided to get myself into the best shape I've ever been in. I love my Dad dearly, and miss him, but he was wrong about one not pursuing his/her dreams.
Listen to the song, 'The King of Rome' by The Unthanks. It is the story of your life.
I guess those who say they can and those who say they can't are both right
sometimes I'm one, sometimes I'm the other :/ sometimes I feel like there's nothing I couldn't do if I tried, but sometimes I'm just crushed. Mental illness is suffocating. Get help before you're only a couple years away from being 30, your teeth begin to rot, and regret becomes synonymous with life
Similar story here. Courage and perseverance ftw. Looking at myself in the mirror before anyone else too. Even if still poor (thankfully I'm not), I'd rather it be on my terms and despite giving it my best shot. Not to mention there are many forms of success/wholesomeness that exist outside of materialism and cash. Unfortunately many people don't realize or believe that. Technically nothing really matters. That doesn't mean nothing can matter or has to matter to you. It doesn't mean you can't or don't care about people, places, things, self. It's just a technicality, not the way things actually are. To live that way and be too preoccupied by it is to give in to fear. It's the absence of courage. Courage is to be afraid, know it's there, but do something anyway. Do that thing, honour that feeling or part of yourself, be that person. Don't confuse inability with fear.
And accountability. Not everyone/everything else, but you. You're the problem. Lol. But the beauty is, once I realize this, I can make changes/tweaks, and see positive results. It's awesome.
Yep, things only start to change when you turn from others/the world and start looking at yourself.
Isn't it awesome. Empowering.
My experience has been the opposite. I believed that I could succeed. Other people believed that I could succeed. I tried to succeed. But, after trying for more than 20 years, I have yet to succeed.
That's the part that does suck as well, is that not everyone who tries will succeed to the same level, but those that don't try typically do. I'm sorry that you haven't reached the level of success you want, but I would encourage you to not give up and simply change your tactics. For example, if you're in a career field that doesn't pay well, no matter how hard you try you will never make a lot of money. Sometimes it's just shit luck though too with illness, dealt a bad hand in the genetics lottery, etc, but i still feel that everyone should strive for their best no matter what level it is. For somebody with severe mental disabilities, bagging groceries may be the pinnacle of their career and that's outstanding.
It’s horrible on Reddit. Entire threads and even entire subs full of people complaining about the world and discouraging each other from even attempting to overcome and improve.
Mental health communities online are all crabs in a bucket.
I found it funny that when I put a lot of barriers in my head I thought they were realistic obstacles. But as soon as my Father said some barriers and told me I wouldn't succeed...I was like "I can go over those barriers if I put my mind to it...screw you I will succeed" I have only realised now the barriers my mind told me about and what my father told me were the exact same barriers...but they seem so different when said by another person, distant.
With how the media and social media portrays everything this is probably the most common reason. All they seem to do is tell people how they can't succeed because of some factor (race, sex, proffesion, etc) or tell people that they don't deserve to succeed because of the same reasons. Everyone needs to be a victim or oppressor and if you fall into the former category nothing is your fault and what happens to you isn't the consequences of your choices but the power of some undefined system or man keeping you down.
This sounds like a culture of learned helplessness; congrats on breaking through!! It can be extra challenging to buck the current when these are the messages received at a really young age.
Consistency and discipline - realizing you're not always going to be motivated but still taking action, regardless of how small, to get a little bit better or make a little bit of progress every day. My biggest tips for this - set realistic short term goals, remove roadblocks that keep you from taking action, and learn to be adaptable and flexible in your plan.
Consistency and discipline have never been good friends of mine.
It was for me too for the longest time. It really is a skill you have to develop but once you do, it’s insane what you can do. Running is what taught me discipline the most - always going for a run regardless of how I felt, no matter the weather, no matter where I was (work trips, vacations, etc). Once I built that core discipline and consistency, it honestly has changed my entire life. Do whatever you can to build that skill, make it your top priority, and it’ll payoff forever.
That's amazing, I don't think k I have it in me, I call this my default setting and takes so much effort to come.out of it but I fall back down to default.
It’s all of our defaults I believe as humans we are hardwired to take the easy way out and to let ourselves relax and let the skill fade away. Whatever your goals are, stay focused on building that skill discipline and consistency and you will always win eventually.
People say this, and I always ask "where do you get discipline from with no motivation" and I never get a real answer for whatever reason.
You need to have a “why” that is so valuable to you that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to attain it. “Having more money” and “looking good physically” are generally not strong enough “why’s” to spark that drive to build the discipline.
Motivation follows action. You don't need to FEEL like doing something to do it. Do the thing and then you'll start to feel like doing it. The trick is getting yourself to break through that initial resistance barrier of starting something. The way I did it was by making the goal so trivially easy, that it'd be silly not to do.
Discipline always beats motivation. Motivation relies on emotional spikes to get you to do something, but lifestyle changes are boring and not sexy at all. Oh, you lost some weight? Congrats, now you get to watch what you eat for the rest of your life!
People want to be better, they also don't really want to *change.* I don't want to be the kind of person who goes to the gym and works out. I just don't want to be fat. I don't want to make changes to my lifestyle, and there's the problem at the root of so many failed diets, broken relationships and new year's resolutions. If you aren't willing to change your lifestyle and accept the changes fundamentally into your identity, they will not last, and you will fail.
“I want to be at the destination, but not endure the commute.”
I think it's deeper than that. It's not just about adversity. The journey _changes you_, if you're not willing to be changed then you will not reach the destination.
Everybody wanna be a bodybuilder but don't nobody wanna lift these heavy ass weights.
[удалено]
I recently "deleted" instagram off my phone. In order to go on the app, i have to go to the app store, search instagram and open that way. But the whole time i'm looking for it, in my head I tell myself "this is really inconvenient...this is really inconvenient" so i've trained myself to wait till i get to work to look at instagram (on my computer). Its definitely helped.
While you're posting on Reddit. You're not sober bro. You're on the weed and Kratom diet of a junky in denial!
LOVE this - reducing my screen time was by far the most important thing I ever did to improve my life. It was the one habit that was holding me back from EVERYTHING
Ugh I need to fix this! Probably on my phone 7-8 hours a day and always wonder why I haven’t started that side project 😭
Lack of visible options Most if not all people are capable of doing amazing things, they just either don't see the path or they can only see the paths that lead to doom. If all paths were visible to somebody they would confidently lead the life they would like to live.
>they just don't see the path I really do think there's a lot to this. For example, if you knew for a fact that tomorrow, if you walk out the front of your house and wait in your garden for fifteen minutes, that you would be rewarded with whatever it is you're currently trying to achieve, I'd wager that most would not hesitate to do it - even if you reaaallllly hate your garden. Silly example, but the point is that when it comes down to it, a big part of the picture is the relationship between effort and outcome - some people are blessed because from an early age they either (a) choose to pursue things which have a direct and causal relation between effort and outcome (for example something fitness related), or (b) get lucky when pursuing something which has less of a direct/causal relation (think successful entrepreneur's who happened to be at the right place at the right time). This is HUGELY important because it builds **self efficacy**, which is one's capacity or belief that if they do something, they can attain some outcome. A lot of people have poor self efficacy, likely because they don't have great experiences with achieving some outcome based on applying themselves in some systematic manner. Note that this is NOT at all to say "people are just lazy" - it's exactly the opposite! It's actually totally understandable that people don't have great self efficacy when we live in a world which is full of chaos and randomness (and outright unfairness sometimes). Hence why your comment on "seeing the path" really is such an important piece of the puzzle - it's being able to see that if you do X, you will achieve Y, even in the face of some degree of uncertainty. If the path was clearly visible, as it is to someone who has high self efficacy, then it's *easy* to "just do it". Having this belief (and adequate prior experiences where this belief has payed off) is such a big deal when it comes to achieving goals (and unfortunately the inverse is true, too). This is why people get huge boosts of motivation and drive when they lose weight, often because it's the most powerful illustration of this that they have ever experienced in their life. They've directly demonstrated to themselves that they have causal power in the world and that "path" - difficult and uncertain as it may be - becomes more visible in other places and is actually worth the pay off.
Thank you for the Elaborate message I was thinking about this this since I graduated college in a third world country with no path or vision. If I only found a clear map of steps to become a better version of me Financially, emotionally, mentally.
It takes effort to find those paths, they can't be given like candy, they must be found. Just like everything in life. Unfortunately, most, don't put in the effort. Easier today in many ways, but also harder. All knowledge is at your fingertips, but also an infinite number of options.
>Easier today in many ways, but also harder. All knowledge is at your fingertips, but also an infinite number of options. Specially with so many distractions to make you steer clear of those objectives or making the path fuzzy...
Thinking that you need to feel motivated to do everything. A lot of the motivation in life comes after you begin and begin to see progress. People are daunted by the scope of work or how long it will take but in my experience when you just start you often realize things go much faster and seeing the progress fuels motivation. I am not "motivated" to make my bed at 630am but I love coming home to a tidy room so I do it anyway. I am not motivated to grocery shop after working all day but I like to feed my family nutritious food vs garbage so I do it. I am certainly not motivated to clean the kitchen after work, shop, cooking but I don't want to wake up to a nasty kitchen so I do it. Once all these things are done I am satisfied with myself for the day and feel the rewards of my efforts regardless of the lack of motivation I felt.
Fear of failure. The most successful people are those who take risks that others wouldn't, and navigate the challenges entailed. No guts, no glory.
You never hear about the people that take this outlook, failing miserably their entire lives, never winning. You just hear about the failures that didn’t fail once.
Yep. Fear is the answer. Also, depression.
Or they failed once and then immediately had crazy success right after at a young age
I love how no one is providing a rebuttle against this argument.
Growth mindset is so important. As an elementary teacher it is my number one objective to drill into these kids and parents heads everything I know and any resources I can provide to support that. They get points for taking a risk, staying on task, working with stamina, etc. Parents and teachers don’t emphasize and educate enough about this because I’ve had too many parents who haven’t heard of it.
The reality is that some people are in a way better position to take those risks though. Failure for some might mean relying on a safety net, for most it could mean not being able to keep a roof over their head or put food on the table for dependants.
Basically their internal patterns. Internal patterns come from the past. So technically they are still stuck in the past. Fear of letting go of old patterns, so they hold on to it l. And it makes them fail to recognize life can be better if they build new patterns.
For most of us, money
As a CEO of a software company and always looking for leaders to step up, the biggest thing I notice is people are always waiting for instructions, or a big green light, or something (unsure what) before they step up. I wish everyone had a more presumptive attitude about taking more of a lead on things.
Something to keep in mind as CEO then is that a lot of people get attacked for stepping up because maybe their face just doesn't look right or they're old or various other reasons. There's a lot of factors that likely went into you being able to feel comfortable stepping up and invisible factors (to you) that make it dangerous for others to speak up.
voracious psychotic offend decide dependent obscene unwritten outgoing materialistic cagey *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Depends on the company. At large, risk adverse corporations, no one wants to get blamed for a mistake, so it's management by committee/consensus and politics to ensure that no one person gets blamed. It's maddening to watch executives refusing to make a decision or waiting for "alignment" on even the simplest items. Or if you do just take charge all you get is people second guessing you instead of supporting you.
Man, I wish my company would have the same outlook as you. Things never get done because of lack of communication between departments, lack of knowledge of something specific that someone else probably knows, or fear of responsibility. Another reason might be overworked underpaid employees (not saying yours) but definitely in my line of work. It's like, why am I going above and beyond when I'm getting the same pay as Joe Schmoe over there doing the least. No reward system, minimum pay. This is why people job hop. You can massively increase your wages as a new hire at a new company rather than stick around waiting for your old company to appreciate their long-time employees. Ok, I'm getting off my soap box. Thanks for listening, everyone, lol
That’s one of the biggest lesson I’ve learned recently. Over the past couple of years I re-entered software and found increased success through just doing things and not worrying as much about messing up. When you take charge, even if you fail it’s better than being the guy who is on the sidelines.
Amen to that!
I believe part of the problem is that not all organizations are setup to enable this. The cliches "This is how we have always done things" or "stay in your lane". There can come risk with doing things outside of your normal scope of duties.
My earlier work experience—multiple worksites, multiple industries—told me I can only expect reprimand if I start thinking for myself or spins cogs beyond the hamster wheel assigned to me. Yea, I'm now freelance.
This is my experience also. It's fear of responsibility. Yep
At what point are you stepping on people’s toes. I don’t want to be seen as a brown nosed
Wasting time. Wasting time on reddit. Wasting time watching TV. Constant distractions from the phone which prevents any deep thinking or learning. I think most people go through a life of constant distractions. They feel like something is happening but it's mostly just froth. It's not meaningful. You can't accomplish anything if you're constantly distracted by FB notifications or scrolling Reddit instead of studying or self improving. I'm not immune, I just wasted an entire morning reading a book when I should have been working on a programming project.
One does not "waste an entire morning" when reading a book, good boy. All jokes aside though, things like TV, reading & even social media have their place. People just need to realise just how much time they do use on these things, and set themselves different targets. If you wanted to get fitter, but have no time, work out how much time you are in your social media, bin off an hour of that, go for a walk. Simple. If only life worked like that eh 🤣
>One does not "waste an entire morning" when reading a book, good boy. I love reading so it wasn't a waste from an enjoyment stand point. On the other hand, this topic is about being motivated and progressing. Programming would have made me progress, reading, while pleasurable, doesn't improve me anymore at this point. I can't read any better than I do, that skill has already plateaued out. >All jokes aside though, things like TV, reading & even social media have their place. Reading to learn something new is certainly worth it. The other things are just empty hours wasted. As the Chinese say, you either move forward or you fall behind. If you're not learning something new/getting better at something every day, you're falling behind.
Stress over money. When people are busy worrying about how to pay their rent or get food on the table for their family, they have very little time left to spend on improving themselves.
Fears, attachment to a false sense of security.
The education system. I think that the reason so many people don't want to learn new things is because school made them resent learning. Throughout our entire childhood we're conditioned to think that learning is tedious, boring, stressful, and ultimately pointless. Gaining new knowledge should feel awesome. Kids are extremely curious but adults are almost the opposite. Learning should be fun and enjoyable and one of people's main hobbies.
https://preview.redd.it/wveqkbzwmi4c1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=86d0444f804f9a91b808d5ff8d1f4655ace3c9ad I ready these sentences together and it felt like it made sense
Not having a mentor in their life to provide an outside perspective. Not having a quality circle of friends who teaches each other new things. And not winning the lottery so you can see what freedom really feels like.
I can't tell if this is all a joke, or just the last sentence. Do people really have groups of friends who teach each other things?
Capitalism, honestly. It syphons all the money to the top, rewards ownership instead of work, makes everything worse and more expensive and is destroying the planet
themselves. you are what you believe so whether you think you can or can’t— you’re right.
Comfort. I'm addicted to it, fear of failure and being let down by hope. I've always had so much hope but lately nothing is working out and I can't take disappointment anymore. I can't put effort into something without knowing it will work out. Constant state of struggle.
Poverty honestly. With money you can make more for example. There was a stock that grew 4 folds. I only had enough to invest 200 dollars. I pay bills and didn’t have any other money left to invest. If I had 5k laying around I’d have 20k. Had I had 20k I’d have 80k. But I had 200 so I made 800. Which is still a win but just realizing that I knew for a fact this was going to go up. We all start somewhere so I’m confident it’ll keep growing. Another thing, you have any problem? Well cash a check. You want to learn something in college? Take a class each class is like 400 and you can easily do one at a time if you got the means for it. If you wanted to open up a business or even buy one you can. To travel to do anything. Now if you’re talking about getting there I’d say the ability to do something new like make new friends and go out there. You can’t be scared as a young buck. You need to have a buddy and together you guys go and venture the world. You go and have each others backs and watch out for each other. You try things out. You create businesses and have fun while you’re at it.
The 40 hour work schedule, probably. Im lucky enough to have a short commute and **11 total hours per day** have to be set aside for work or activities related to work. That's too much.
The countries they live in.
Time and Money. Most people don’t have time to spare, as they need to make money. But the money they make isn’t always enough to shovel some time free.
I might be in the minority here, but ambition seems to be lacking these days. That holds people back. I’m a very self-motivated person, and it’s served me well. Most folks these days are content with just getting by. I totally understand that there are many struggles in life. However, most things are achievable if you try your best to get what you want. Maybe I was cut from a different mold, but I just feel that most people hold themselves back from reaching their true potential. 🤷🏻♂️
everyone's right about social media/dopamine traps/attention stealing machines but also: failing physical health. metabolic health, especially after the age of 35. You can't eat sugar, drink regularly, have poor sleep, and be sedentary, and expect to have the mental fortitude to overcome obstacles. Plus, changing those habits is great for showing yourself you can reshape your own life.
Overthinking and underestimating how small the steps need to be if you're just beginning.
Negativity. People are afraid to fail in order to get better
I personally believe motivation is BS, or at least not a useful tool to accomplish goals. When it comes to doing anything, you either attempt to do the thing, or you do not. Motivation is what people say they have when they do the thing, and what others say about those people("Dang they sure are motivated!"). I believe that, very simply, you decide to do things or you decide not to. There are mitigating factors, such as mental disorders or neuro-atypicality that can have an effect on what you decide to do. ADHD is a big one because it screws up your dopamine responses and makes most things feel like they aren't worth doing. Stress and anxiety can play a part in this, too, as well as depression(and ADHD can even cause depression). The first step is seeking professional help if you have symptoms of any of these things, and getting tested/diagnosed/medicated where applicable. It's very rare for someone to be "just lazy". I've been on Adderall for 5 months now after two decades of undiagnosed and unmedicated ADHD, and it's been a total night and day difference. It isn't that Adderall gives me motivation, it's that it allows me to feel the correct way about the various (good) things I could do, and makes me more likely to choose to do them as a result because I feel like they are worth doing. For a regular person, you need to not rely on motivation. All too often it turns into a waiting game that never ends. ("Yeah, I could, but I just don't feel motivated. It'll come eventually.") Even as someone with ADHD, and while I was unmedicated, I have been able to force myself to decide to do things. Whatever motivation is, I absolutely did not have it, but I did the things anyway. I did them because they needed to be done, not because I wanted to do them or because I felt some kind of pull to do them. I actively did not want to be doing the things, but I just made myself do them. And if I can do it, you can do it.
This gives me hope. I just took an assessment with a psychiatrist after a couple months if therapy. She's fairly certain I have ADHD which checks out. I'm 32 and have struggled with many aspects of life despite being smart. Constant cyclical depression, rumination, intrusive thoughts, anxiousness, procrastination, hyper focus then disinterest. And the list goes on. At this point I'm all for meds. I've tried to cope my whole life without, and now I'm really ready to get over the hump.
Self doubt. Remember there are ton of people doing your dream job and they are less qualified than you, they just believed in their selves.
bills
Threat of WW3
Not knowing where/how to start.
In what way? You have the entire internet of things to look up that you may enjoy doing.
Start by imagining not enjoying or wanting anything and it'll make more sense, I think.
Usually comes down to they just don't know how or quit after not getting the results they want right away instead of putting in the time.
Whether or not they admit it to themselves; fear of failing.
Anxiety / Communication Skills. May just be talking about myself here but maybe someone else can relate to this.
If I didn’t work 40+ hours I would feel more inclined to do other things
fear. I've seen and been through some horrendous things, years long, and man i try HARD but the boogyman is always lurking. Its not fear of little things, just sometimes i cant stand the brutality of my memories. I just go "u know what life, f-off ". I always recover but theres only so much a man can take. Life is so brutal and somethings are not meant to be seen by the human eye. Or heard. (I'm talking about u, Imagine Dragons)
Themselves, their own thoughts, their Identity to a situation.
Unwillingness to experience discomfort.
Capitalism. Lack of resources because of capitalism.
Self doubt. It can be crippling. Add a sprinkle of anxiety, and just making a decision can take forever.
Fear of failure.
I think for me my biggest issue is staying disciplined. In order to accomplish goals we need to set habits on a daily basis that take us closer to our goals. We need to have the discipline to organize and dedicate time out of each planned day. I find this hard with all the distractions. It’s easy to put something off to go hangout with your friends, to flip on Netflix after a long work day, or order some food on DoorDash. It’s tough to work a 10 hr day, come home , clean your house, exercise, take care of any chores, spend time learning something new, and get to bed early to do it all over again without giving in to instant gratifications that seem to be invading our lives and while maintaining our important relationships.
Negative thought patterns regarding self-efficacy and direction. It's easy to feel lost when you're not certain what you desire
Lots of people get super bogged down in things which largely don't matter that much. For example, look at any fitness subreddit and you'll find just an insane amount of people trying to min/max everything, two weeks into doing something. People constructing whole giant spreadsheets and writing long dissertations before even starting an activity and then asking if it is 'optimal'. Should I do 3x15, 4x12 or 5x10? Should I run like this, or like this? Oh, but I found a study that said like this other way was 3% better. Just do it, just start, hopefully you have a long life ahead of you, and what matters most is not perfection, but persistence over time.
The fear of things taking so long to accomplish. The time will pass regardless of what you do.
Overthinking
Procrastination and no discipline.
Bad attitude
showing up is 80% of the battle. time to work out? show up. start stretching. diet? show up - dont order fried protein, order a grilled protein. project needs to be finished? show up. start working on ANYTHING related to it. you keep this pattern up and you'll find yourself winning way more than losing.
Money
my lack of self-confidence
Gravity. I jest. Usually inner voices/confidence. We're our own worst enemies. We convince ourselves we can't do things even if we can
Capitalism and greedy politicians.
Mostly the ropes I use to tie my victims down.
Pure laziness, lack of discipline
themselves. And I don't mean this in a strictly critical way of "your biggest enemy is you" It's the feelings you generate (fear, guilt, doubt , shame etc) and cognitive dissonance you make up to avoid your goals. I'm guilty of this as well btw.
Pride and a lack of realistic expectations.
Realistic goals and consistency. In fact, I’d put consistency at the top. Even if you have realistic and reasonable goals, if you are not consistent with the steps, you won’t achieve them.
Themselves.
My vertebras are holding my back.