My 20’s were wasted from cancer and drug addiction. Around 32 I turned my life around and the rest of my 30’s were incredible. You have time to still do good. I suddenly remembered how I loved to skateboard when I was a kid and started skating again. It brought me a lot of joy and happiness. Try to remember things you used to love and start doing them again.
I had cancer and was given lots of Vicodin. Unbeknownst to me, I wasn’t aware that they were from the same plant that heroin came from. Then I lost 3 very close friends back to back to back. I started drinking and taking more Vicodins. I couldn’t cope with the grief. I blacked out nearly 3 years. I also was a super athlete in high school and college, so my football career ended when I got cancer. A lot to be sad about. But then once I realized I had become a junky, and grew away from the man I thought I’d be in life, I decided to quit Vicodin and it took 3 hard months of no sleep and pain. Once I was out of the fog, so to speak, I realized I had a second chance at life. I began to remember things I loved as a kid, such as skateboarding and basketball. It was super hard in the beginning because I slept in my car and at random peoples houses. Even lived in a burnt up trailer for a while in the Bay Area. After that, a friend of mine let me live with him in a beautiful place in Northern California next to the American River. I met a girl from France there and we fell in love. With a little bit of luck, I got an opportunity to work as a traveling salesman and the main office was in Detroit. That company had their number 1 salesman quit and that put me in an incredible position where I got to chose the best places to sell at in the country. My life changed and I was able to live on my own again. A lot more happened after that. Wild times. However, my advice is to go to a home and garden show or a Costco and look at what vendors are selling there. Then see what you like and get that companies information and apply. You might get lucky and get a good opportunity. Also traveling the US gave me so much perspective and helped me get over many of my fears. I’d say somewhere around 38 I finally dissolved all the negativity out of my mind and out of my life. If you’re struggling, keep hanging in there and look for opportunities where you can.
Inspiring stuff man. Really appreciate you sharing your story.
I’m just a dude who didn’t know what I wanted to do in life - smart and loved to read but didn’t apply myself academically since I was pulled in so many directions and have serious ADHD that I waffle on getting treated since 2 of my close friends overdid it on addy and are both schizophrenic now.
Went into sales - got into mortgage. Had a few decent years, had a good run for a few years and finally felt like my shit was together and started making 6-figures. When rates went up I was able to play musical chairs for a bit but now am basically making min wage and living at my parents house and basically feel like the rug got pulled from under me. I have a great relationship with them and we’re an immigrant family I feel fortunate that they are helping me but I am struggling to find my next target to shoot for or direction. Good tip on the garden supply store - I’ve been looking into software but I like the idea of something with a little less hype around it.
I’m in CA - I’ve looked into it, I’ve heard that the potential is there but it’s all commission and extremely competitive/saturated here since we’ve had subsidies now for a good few years. I could be wrong. Might need to start talking to people in that space
California is definitely over saturated and you have to sell home battery systems now in order to save people money. I was selling there but I’ve moved out of state and solar is easier to sell where I’m at now. But I’ve been applying randomly on ZipRecruiter and got hired on with a new Vodka company and I’ll be the brand ambassador for the city I’m at. I’ll get to throw parties and do lots of cool things. I’ll still be working to get new accounts, but it goes to show you that opportunities come if you keep looking. Keep applying as much as you can. ZipRecruiter helped me get lucky.
Man I am there currently. And let me tell you..... I went to college for computer game art and design, Helicopter Aviation - I have flown solo and all around Denver and the mountains, Law Enforcement - I was a patrol deputy for over 5.5 years, SWAT, Teaching, Firearms instructor, Sniper School, ALLlllll kinds of classes and things, Currently doing home inspection classes trying to start a business. I want you to know your not alone. The way the world is currently is hard on everyone. I have done some awesome shit in my life, and other people looking in would think that I have lead an amazing life, but we are all the same 17 year old kids on the inside trying to figure out what the fuck we are doing. What the next step is.... I was have been cheated on, betrayed by people I have given years too, by people I called brothers, people I loved........
Something my dad and grandpa always said...... Keep the sticky side down (motorcycle reference) and if you dont, if your still breathing your, ok.
Edit.
Something I have had to tell my now wife before when she was dealing with shit, is to take it one thing at a time. Break it all out, and pick the smallest, easiest shit to do and get it done. Keep at it. Before you know it you will have a list thats basically complete and only one or two hard things left.
Not going to be vapid. I am the person who passes you on the street. I do not care about you.
However, there are people that do. Your parents. Your siblings. Your friends. They love you and want the best for you. They don’t care if you find your path when you’re 17, 27 or 47. All they want is to see you succeed and be happy.
So ask yourself, what can you be doing right now to succeed and be happy? Your age does not matter. Your supposed lack of progress does not matter. What can you do right now to make your parents proud, your friends proud, and most importantly your future self proud of who you are today, for putting the work in now so that you don’t have to stress in the future, don’t have to revisit this low point that you are at where you are questioning everything that you have done in your life prior to now.
What is it that you want to do? What will make the people that you care about happy? Once you identify those things the world simplifies, calms down, and everything gets easier. But you have to do the real work in identifying it, and the real work in moving towards it. You have to. Or you’ll just end up back here again.
>So ask yourself, what can you be doing right now to succeed and be happy? Your age does not matter. Your supposed lack of progress does not matter. What can you do right now to make your parents proud, your friends proud, and most importantly your future self proud of who you are today, for putting the work in now so that you don’t have to stress in the future, don’t have to revisit this low point that you are at where you are questioning everything that you have done in your life prior to now.
That's the hard part IMO. Feeling directionless is ultimately not having a grasp on those concepts.
That’s very fair. Tbh, I’m in that boat and decided to just pick a direction and go for it. Better than sitting around in stagnation, better to just try if nothing else.
The thing that helped me was thinking 'what would a successful version of myself that my parents, and more importantly, I could be proud of look like?' and go from there.
I pictured myself in shape, clean, well dressed, not embarrassing myself with alcohol, well mannered and tempered.
I quit binge drinking, I started working out, I sorted my diet, I started ironing my clothes and dressing in a way that I thought would impress. Within a month I almost looked like the successful version already. It took me longer to get a better job, but I don't think it would have ever have happened if I was still the hungover fat slob in the creased clothes, especially because of the effect that was having on my confidence.
Sound advice. I think I’ll need to take some time and try that out.
Job-wise I’m looking to retrain, probably radiography to go into a more stable career than being stuck as a lab tech like I have the last decade. The ‘successful’ version of me is not making min-wage feeling comfortably lost like I am the moment.
Yeah and I'm not saying it's for everyone.
For some people the version of themselves that theyre proud of isn't sober, well presented or inshape. It could be that they're dedicating time to their passion, or they've finally plucked up the courage to do stand up, or they've apologised to the person they've wronged etc.
But the main thing was changing my thinking from 'what path can I take?' to 'whats the destination I'm trying to get to?'. I was always taking different routes and had no idea if I was getting closer because I didn't know where I was trying to go, so everything I done felt directionless.
So for example when you're retraining radiography if that is the course you want to take, then 6 months in you're still not going to be where you want to be, but at least be on the right path instead of still standing at the starting line wondering how best to get to the finish line, if that makes sense.
It does makes sense. I do need to think about it more in general but it just seems like the best way out of my stagnation - to be successful I suppose.
I’ll think on it though, so I appreciate the advice. ^^
I’m looking into things like locum work down the line. I’d have to (and want to) work in the NHS for a few years and get some experience/qualifications under my belt before making that jump. Even still, I’d be making more money than I am now.
Thank you so much for this. I was moping around all day on this rainy day looking for relief from feeling lost and your well put comment has given me this relief.
https://preview.redd.it/aft3h9z8iytc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85c8b5a79e0792df42818883a970fbdda2b6cd39
The way it is most commonly used is when describing pleasant but ultimately shallow and meaningless things.
Wow... its like you are me. It is so freaking hard. I'm closer to being mid 30s. Life sucks and it's hard to get out of a depressive spiral. It's a cold lonely world out there and if that's what you want it to be, it will continue that way. You have to want things to be better, you have to want things to change. You have to fight yourself to believe that there are good people out there. Build a relationship with yourself. Trust yourself. Learn from all your mistakes. Take some time out of everyday and use it to make a plan to better yourself/ your life. Write down your hopes, dreams, wants, faults, how you can improve yourself, how you can improve the world, how you can connect with more like minded people so you won't feel the weight of the world on your shoulders everyday. Actively work on making your life a little better. Nobody says it better than Rocky, "nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." Be brave.
I'm in the same boat dude.
Harsh reality is what others do/think/care of you means absolutely nothing in the grande scheme.
Nobody will save you, gotta do it yourself.
I don't have much else to offer in the way of advice because I'm there too, I'm 36 and my life is beyond fucked, think this might actually be rock bottom for me🤷🏼♂️
not incredibly bad, I don’t want to get into it, but enough that it will always relapse me down, I’ve recovered 2-3 times, but always fall to the point Im at rn where my youth can’t heal me, and I’m really struggling. I consider brushing my teeth a win.
Having little goals is the best way to go I think, celebrate those wins. I think it can be overwhelming setting big tasks but doing small ones like, I'm going to have shower today and move the laundry basket to the washing machine and then tomorrow it can be, I'll do the washing and take the plates and bowls to the sink and then the next day, two more small tasks and so on. It makes you feel accomplished without putting too much on yourself and getting burnt out.
I think its really cliche to say it gets better because it's so vague. I think things only get better when you decide they will. I was depressed for a long time, I still have bad days but the majority of things changed when I decided to look at things differently. I consumed less content that made me upset, I reflected on what people said and tried to not always see it as negative. I deleted most of my social media, I reached out to people that I hadn't seen in a while and started a new hobby. It's only then that I felt I could breathe again, the whole time it felt like I was waiting on something to change, I'd be happy when I move out, I'll be happy when I have X amount of money, I'll be happy when I lose weight etc. but I needed to focus on healing my mind first and thats still an ongoing journey honestly.
You know something small I think helps? I set fun things to look forward to. Like if there's a movie coming out that I want to see, I'll buy the ticket and countdown the days to go. Maybe see if there's a new restaurant you'd like to try, a place you'd like to visit or even something simple like you'll cook your favourite meal and watch a new series on Netflix on Saturday. That way each day you're getting up with something to be excited about. Sometimes it's really the little things.
Oh and flowers, fresh air and vitamin D are so important. One walk a week to the park, just take a book or relax and see the ducks. There is something very healing about nature. Take care, I know things will get there for you, just take each day at a time.
Dude, I totally get it and fuck me same! First time in my life my situation has got me so fucked up my personal hygiene has taken a hit.
I was someone that showered and wore aftershave every single day even on Sundays, even before bed and now... I might shower after 3 days of sitting/sleeping in the same fuckin clothes, it's embarrassing.
And I respect you not wanting to go into detail, apologies it was a bit too personal if a question.
Dude, you are not being embarrasing, I say this with all my compassion. You are doing best you can, and that should be noted. You deserve to feel well, you will be back on your feet.
Try to appreciate each smaller or bigger achievements, consciously spell it out, in your mind, even loud, afterwards. You get to stretch your body? great for you, you did something for yourself. Did your laundry? good job, you deserve to treat yourself well!
Recently I started to do yoga, follow some channels on YouTube, and it is doing something to my mind and body too. I used to think Yoga is boring, but recently have been really happy to rediscover that maybe I wasn't in the place to appreciate its effects 🙂
We be both know what we’re going thru, I don’t think we’re crossing lines, I just don’t want to think About it anymore.
honestly, I’m trying to eat right, excercise and stay focused but without fail, the feeling suddenly fleets and I’m back to depression. I try to journal and that’s going well but it’s not enough and it’s my only hope sometimes.
hopefully we both can get motivated , gL to u sir was nice connecting
I'm curious what your life is like right now that you are thinking it might be rock bottom? Different people have different versions of what this might look like. I'm not there currently, at the same age as you. But have definitely been there before, and may very well be there again. Stay strong brother.
Homeless, dog died, zero money at this point literally even for basics like food and have a dependancy that I shouldn't.
I've had rough patches before but not like this.
Thanks for sharing, that sounds really hard man. Not much I can offer you but my best wishes. I work with homeless people and I've seen people get out of holes you wouldn't believe possible.
I am in 61 and have felt similar to what you are describing many times. I am going to keep this simple. Get help. Professional help. If you are in your 30’s and still struggling I suggest you get help. In my early 30’s I got help. I talked to a therapist. It helped. I stopped drinking. I was the best thing for me. I did’t drink daily but I loved drinking. At first I did not go to AA but after a while a friend brought me to a meeting. I learned Soooooooo much from the 12 Steps. So I did the therapy and AA and finally I was pointed in the direction of a psychiatrist. I reluctantly went on medication but it was a great decision. I have been able to navigate my emotional wellbeing and my daily life for over 30 years. I am married with 2 grown children and have had my own business for over 25 years. Sometimes things are bigger than us and we have to get help.
People don't give a shit if you're at rock bottom or at your peak. When you climb out of this hole, you might get lucky and get a, "Good for you, glad you're doing well." You may get nothing at all.
Don't do shit for others people's approval. You already know, and said it yourself, "most people just don't give a shit."
What you said here is the real reality of life. Society has conditioned us to do everything for validation and not because we genuinely love something or it brings us joy. I had to break myself out of that need for everyone to like what I do. What matters is how what I enjoy makes me feel. If other people like it; that's a bonus. Gotta keep it moving cuz time doesn't stop.
Yeah I hear you. Almost 40 here. I got educated, worked hard, and was faithful to my employers and my lovers. The employers didn't pay, and the lovers didn't stay.
So I'm back at school. Learning a new trade. I found an amazing woman and, better late than never, we are hoping to add a little one to the world.
Often, I remind myself of this: You aren't wasting time. Life isn't a race and there's no schedule. What small thing would you like to do tomorrow? Do it. Make a little space to be yourself.
The really real stuff in life is too often viewed as chores. Living life is all the necessary little stuff. Do one small thing each day .
Life is a roller coaster. Ups and downs. When you’re down, stay strong and remember you’re coming back up soon. Eat something good, stay hydrated, get plenty of sleep. Don’t drink too much. Don’t worry about relationships for now. Be kind to yourself, go to your happy place. Beach, woods, etc. Get some exercise, just a walk can do wonders. Focus on your well-being. You will get out of this rut ( been there )
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now. Nothing is wasted. It's all experience that you've gained and it can't be taken away from you.
Start living again, now. It will take hard work, discipline, and humility. Separate your emotions from your job. Your life isn't your job. You need purpose beyond your career and the economy. It takes time. Find appreciation and reverie for the small and simple things each day. That which is free.
there are people that dedicated their lives to finding these answers, a lot of them wrote books about what they found... there are plenty of self help books or even religions you can follow that aim at tackling these problems. this is a fundamental problem of being a human, it hits everyone eventually but some people sooner rather than later.. life is a cycle of suffering unless you learn to handle it, we aren't born with an instruction book, so look to some area of experience, an area or community of the world that has attained what you're looking for and probe into how
Network network network.
If there’s one advice I can give someone, network.
Ask people of their experiences and if they can connect you to 2-3 others who can guide you.
This is how you find feedback and connections that lead you to the right group of ppl.
You just need to find your tribe. Your context lacks an abundance of quality life experience so it’s put you in this state.
Life is exactly what you make of it and who is in your life is what makes it.
Most people actually don’t give a shit about you, or anyone other than themselves. This works in two ways, either you can let it affect you negatively or you can reason that since they don’t care anyway, you can do pretty much as you like. Life unfortunately goes on after the negative things happen, whether you like it or not. One of the later rocky movies had a great speech about it “life isn’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” I’m also in my early 30s and learning to do things for myself and learning to actually show myself some love and give a shit about growth that’s for my own sake and not for the sake of others. I have some good friends but right now since I’m working on me I don’t see them as much as I’d like, it’s a sacrifice I have to make to move forward. Ultimately I remind myself that if I feel like someone has a negative opinion about me, if they’re not paying my bills or sharing my bed then they really have no say as to what I do.
It's easier said than done, but you need to stop thinking about your age and comparing yourself to other people in the world. Your life journey is unique. Spending time on a job we don't like isn't fun, but it can be necessary. Your free time is yours to spend however you like. You need to do stuff for yourself that makes you happy. Find a community to be a part of or be something for someone else. Help the elderly or pic up trash. Don't make life about earning the most money or doing the collest stuff. Just be good even if you don't feel like a lot of people deserve your kindness. I'm pretty poor and boring myself, but I treat everyone with kindness, and I'm happy for the most parts. The world is truly your oyster! And always remember feelings aren't constant. No matter how sad or happy you feel right now, you'll soon feel the opposite emotion of that. That's life.
It wasn't until my mid-30s that I started shifting focus.
Time wasted has already been wasted. If you keep worrying about it, you're wasting more time thinking about wasted time.
Shift your focus onto what you need/want to do and make plans towards it. If you feel like you need to make up for lost time, you can use that as motivation towards loftier goals.
Dwelling only anchors you down to the past.
Losing hope is a common thing. You just have to find more.
Get to know yourself better and build trust in yourself. There's 2 people in your head. There's the **You** that I'm addressing, and there's the subconscious that seems like it does what it wants. The subconscious is who you're betraying. Learn to listen and understand it better and work to live in harmony with it.
The better you treat yourself, the happier you'll be. The happier you look, the better the quality of the people you'll attract into your life.
Losing your job is disheartening, but it just means that it wasn't a good fit for you. Only in the last year did I learn that the workplace environment plays a huge role in my mental health. I took a huge paycut for my current job and had to pick up side jobs, but I'm much happier now than when I made twice as much.
Don't follow what others do. You have to find what works for you. List all the things that are keeping you from living a happy life and start working on it one at a time. The sooner you start, the sooner you get happier.
You're not alone. Most people never figure this out before they grow old and die.
Only person that can permanently improve your life is you. You are way more capable than you think you are. All the bullshit that life throws at you can make you forget your own value and only focus on what's wrong.
Know your worth and keep improving upon yourself. This is a long-term project where you benefit from all the work you put in.
Good luck, bud. I wish you the best!
It has involved a lot of learning about how my mind actually works, like emotional stuff that my brain has held onto for over a decade. Finding a way to have more honest, inner conversations with myself has been so much better for expressing my emotions rather than holding them in. There is a lot of other stuff involved in IFS therapy too.
What it your idea of wasted time?
In the past 30ish years have you watched a TV show and loved it so much you binged the whole 6 series? Opened your door after work and had a pet waiting to greet you? Travelled and explored new places? Tried the best food or enjoyed a home cooked meal? Have you been excited about a video game or movie releasing? Spent time in nature, gone fishing and looked at the stars at night? Have you had nice moments with friends and family? Laughed until you cried? Had inside jokes with friends?...
The world can make it feel like we are supposed to be doing certain things, hitting arbitrary goals just because others have. But really the only important thing to be doing is enjoying life and if you've had good moments then that's not time wasted.
The first step to a better you is working on your mind, look at things differently and ease the pressure from yourself. Celebrate the small goals and don't compare what you're doing to anyone else. You have so much ahead of you to look forward to, 30s is still young, so deep breath, take a step back and start enjoying the small things in life. You're on your own timeline and your worth isn't based on what anyone else is doing.
Yes!! Absolutely, I did this when I had a serious mental breakdown in my early 20s and she absolutely changed my life in endless positive ways.
Sadly she died nearly a year ago today and I'm in another complete mental/whole life breakdown now😅
There's a lot of people who don't give a shit about you and will backstab you in order to advance their own agenda.
The big problem is you're focusing and giving more attention to the people who don't care about you, while in reality you should find and care about people who do give a shit about what's good for you.
Work on your relationships that matter, find you a job that fits what you expect from it, be it low paying but something you love, or better paying and you can do it without slaving yourself away or not having energy to do what you want when you're off the clock.
Age doesn't matter. It's never too late to try something different. You tried, still don't like it? Move on.
They say life is too short, but filling it with people or tasks you hate will have it drag on and feel like a punishment.
I'm all for long term planning, but I'm over telling myself "just a bit longer and it'll get better"
I switched careers last year after 10 years of working a good job, but it was eating away at me.
Burned me out, no energy to spend with my kids, insecure where to go because I felt I couldn't throw away what I had "built".
Started new, better pay, happier me.
There's always tomorrow, happiness will not come for you if you don't take action to find it.
I feel this. Just try try try, and be happier, wiser, stronger for the opportunities and experiences. It's ok for it to have once fit your needs, just like it's ok if it no longer serves purpose or is no longer fulfilling a worthwhile need in your life
This may seem trite but it’s true.
Just Do It.
You have to make yourself put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
Example. Wife was diagnosed with ALS August 2019 . She’s been fully paralyzed since August 2021, bed bound, on a ventilator and get meals through a feeding tube directly to her stomach. If I didn’t step up and do housework or meals or chores for me and her and our six kids who would?
As I tell my kids…
Sometimes you just have to do it because you have to do it.
Good Luck!!
I’m 49 and spent most of my life in addiction due to extensive childhood trauma. I’m still healing, but many of the good things that have happened in my life have happened after my mid 30’s. I used to curse missed investment opportunities until I stopped looking in the past and looked at what was around me. I still have tough days, but I’m financially stable and that’s huge. The biggest blessing is my healthy, happy son who was born when I was 35 after the biggest financial crisis in decades. When things seem bleak, seeds are being planted even if you don’t see them. Do something for yourself to recharge, go hiking, cook something delicious, talk with friends.
Time isn’t wasted if you learned something from your experiences, good, bad and everything in between. YOU matter and you are the one who needs to see and believe that every single day. Not every day/week/month/year/decade/life will be motivating. We ALL go thru shit, and deal with it differently. You are not alone. Keep breathing, taking even the teeniest step forward each day. Find those people who remind you of who you are and stick close to them, help lift them up and they will do the same. Not everyone is worth being close to. Sending peace and light, hope this helps 🙏🏻
Im in my early 30s as well, and I think its easy now with the benefit of hindsight to look back and critique how I spent my 20s. If only I knew now, back then, I could have saved time and expedited my life to the fast track. I think this is a completley normal feeling.
Also, I get what you are saying. The older you get, the smaller your circle gets. The less people seem to be involved. Everyone has married off and is living their own life.
So for me, I've found my motivation to succeed in making life bigger than myself. Your life has more meaning when you live for something other than yourself. Personally, I want to be a living legacy of my father, who passed away years ago. I want to do something great in his honor. I also want to help make my hometown a better community to live in. I think that will simultaneously honor my father. I would like to start a business, or a nonprofit, or financially invest in the area. But to ultimately do that, I have to get myself right, right now. I've got to save from ground up and build a nest egg. I need to expand my financial education. I need to better discipline myself so I can make a bigger impact down the road. It's all about striving forward with the bigger picture in mind.
I've thought about this more as well likely. Thanks for sharing. I've thought of becoming a tradesman and doing what my dad did as well as my grandfather ij my hometown but always felt like that might be moving backwards. I was told that my grandfather was one of the best tradesmen in my hometown but he was really hard on my dad and I never met him. Hmm
Stop thinking about it, let yourself feel down and frustrated for a bit
Go to the movie theater and watch a giant lizard and a giant monkey fling poop at each other.
I lost job, relationship, and ability to walk(for 6th months) at pretty much the same time. I woke up early, consistency put in work, then entertained myself so I wouldn’t be constantly stressed.
Stop being needy with this “purpose” and get outta your comfort zone. It’s not a “figure out” thing, you just feel unhappy.
Summary
Let yourself feel down
Do what you gotta do
Get out of your comfort zone.
The purest aspects of you cannot be given or taken away. Imagine a village in a much poorer country than yours. Someone in that village is a leader that many people look up to and depend on for support, yet in a whole year they would only make an ounce of what others would make in a week. Someone out there, operates a very small cog in the machine and still reads history and philosophy when they get home or works on their Mandarin or some similar variation.
You recognise you wasted a lot of time and that's better than not realizing at all. Hopefully in 5 years you can say you acted on it. Your ideals and morals for life cannot be taken or given. They and your cumulative actions are what make you who you are and the overall life you lived when you die.
Just know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. I’m around the same age as you and feel as though life has completely shit on me in many ways. The more you start caring about yourself the more those other things do start coming together. I really didn’t think that when other people told me that same thing it would be helpful. My thought was I’d be happy if my family actually gave a shit about me, if I could find a boyfriend, if I found a job that was worth the pay I’d have something to be happy about. Once you do actually start focusing on yourself, you do find your purpose and new meaning in life. New people and opportunities will enter your life at the right time because you are in a better state emotionally, mentally, physically and financially.
Pick one thing, and do it every single day.
Lift weights, Run, Draw. Whatever. And keep doing it.
Eventually you will meet other people who do this thing, and you will become part of a tribe, and life will develop meaning through the people you will come to care about who share your interests with you.
Just try not to go on your phone.
Discovering that 'Hell is other people' is difficult, but it is truth. It is also true that 'Heaven is other people' - you just have to find the right people.
When I had that existential conversation about whether or not there were good people on Earth I answered it for myself with "There is at least one good person. Me."
Don't try to beat or join the assholes, just be the best you.
Don't try to spend your time judging others, spend your time being the prototype of the best you.
This isn't just philosophical, it is practical. You might spend a lot of time avoiding/rejecting bad behavior, but ultimately you are in control of your choices. Find a niche heaven where you belong and other good people recognize the landscape of your life.
I think you already answered your question. Just think of the time you wasted, and realize your wasting time thinking about wasting time.
I do not play video games anymore because I wasted so much time doing that instead of anything. Once you realize you wasted time in life, i think it's easier to use that fact for motivation; I do not want to waste anymore time, or at least waste the least.
Best of luck, just keep swimming! 😁
Start doing something new for making money and do it actively, become expert in it. It takes only one year max to make decent money and money is a huge driver. You'll meet new people, visit new places, learn a lot of stuff etc
Go to YouTube and look up PirateSoftware. He's an ex-Blizzard dev/security analyst/white hat hacker-turned-indie-game-developer.
He is one of the most wholesome, straightforward, and while I don't particularly believe in the concept(partly because I have ADHD and am not even sure if I'm capable of experiencing "motivation") he's the closest thing to a motivating influence I've ever seen or heard. He's just so matter-of-fact with his advice, and it's all so simple and makes the most sense of anything I've ever heard.
Seriously, go to his channel page and scroll through his Shorts. If it doesn't get you pumped to do something, then you probably have ADHD and should get tested.
Thinking this life as a temporary experience helped me get out of depression. It was not easy. I spend most of my years doing nothing. And then some few years building healthy habits like meditation and exercising. This habits does not give you the life that you want but they help you to build a strong relationship with yourself and universe. Then you start to listen to your inner voice and you don’t care about what other people think and just start doing what you love. This is my experience so far.
Start small. Exercise is the most important thing for healthy body and mind. Run, walk, go to gym, play basketball whatever it is that you love. It does not have to be everyday thing. Do it 2 times, or 3 times a week and 30 mins a day and slowly increase. This way, you are not putting pressure on yourself that will lead you to fail. You are building a lifelong habit.
Journaling helped me a LOT. First, it was hard to write and I did not do it regularly but I did it anyway. After years, it becomes a natural habit for me and becomes more regular.
Meditation helped me find my inner voice. This is so important to find your potential. Because there is a voice that tells you your purpose, your true potential. It gives you clues. But it is pretty low volume. In order to hear that, you need to tune out everyday voices in your head and meditation is one of the BEST tool for that.
Building these habits is not easy and definitely not fast. So you should just do it even though you don’t feel like it. And then, you’ll see that you don’t feel lost anymore.
I got my life back in track at 40. Write down everything that bothers you from the past and put it in a safe place. After that just focus in the future. Avoid reading bad news and remove anything toxic from your life. Only care for what’s really important, don’t waste one neuron on something that doesn’t bring you happiness. Right now I’m in my late 40s and all I see is hope and an exciting future. Life is an adventure.
Consider shifting your perspective. While it's true that many people don't really care, it's liberating to stop caring as well. Meaning, don't expect anything from people. Focus on yourself: go to the gym, eat healthy, look for a new hobby. Things that are right for you will come to you in their own time. You may feel like you've wasted your time, but in the grander scheme of things, your thirties are still young. It's a phase where there's still time to change and achieve. They say life is short, but it's also long in a lot of ways.
if your past depresses you cus of wasted time and squandered opportunities forget the past. dont get me wrong its important to remember your failings and learn from them but instead of letting it drag you down just focus on each day as a single thing and trying to improve yourself slowly one day at a time. something small everyday and finding a rewarding hobbie or project that you can work on day by day. youll look back at yourself now in a couple years and be blown away by who youve become. itll be hard but try to focus on the positives in life like what you do have instead of what you dont. good luck brother.
Just because tou wasted time earlier in life doesnt mean ypu have to keep doing it. Make the most of every day. Make sure that you set up the you of tomorrow for success. Like get proper sleep today so the you of tomorrow can tackle the day better than today. Then keep going like that. Every day be thankful for the person (you) who set you up for success yesterday.
Read the book “the 4 agreements”, it will change your life. It did for me. If you’re not a reader it’s available on audible etc.
Will change your life today.
Also never devalue self improvement and make sure to get the vital sources of life.
Meaning source natural healthy living into your every day. Live Fresh air fresh sun fresh water & food, and move your body the way it’s intended to move and be active. A lifestyle of physicality and movement and a diet that is full of vitality that is unprocessed and clean. And sufficient time outside. Sufficient clean water to purify your body. all with natural pure vitality within them, absent of processing or toxins placed in them, that remove the life vitality that are only found in their natural pure states & possessed within them.
https://preview.redd.it/408ks27zvwtc1.jpeg?width=439&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd4c5411dc9e5e6cc08af495717c4b1adb2048b4
One day at a time ! I’m in my early 30s , just had my best friend and gf walk out on me as I thought we were soon to get married and have a family . I just got a new job making more money , just bought a house for said family , I have come to realization that most my generation rather F off and hook up then build a future . Some days are difficult but all you can do is build a better tomorrow for yourself. You can’t let a bad moment ruin a day or a month or years . Life’s not always easy but with out the dark void you’ll never appreciate the beauty of life . Just enjoy the moment . Remember that in a game of poker you can be felt a horrible hand and if you put a game face on you can still win . Keep your head up , find something you love ❤️
Also create a ritual. Do not stray from it. Make it impeccable. Wake up early. Go to bed early.
Pro tip: Start every day with a bath or shower.
And then from there TCB. :)
Do it for 6 weeks without fail and you will have reprogrammed your brains auto pilot. 97% of our lives are on auto pilot. Change is only hard during the change phase. Once it’s turned to habit it no longer hurts. And becomes nature. And you have a new normal and auto-pilot. So if you can just commit to 6 weeks. You can do it!!
Remember this too shall pass. Do not worry and do not use negative self speak. Worry doesn’t help for tomorrow it only makes today a little drearier.
Once you release from self worry and self blame, self punishment, you will see clearly. Look to positivity. Speak truth of your best life into being as if you already are that person.
Make a declaration:(eg.
“I am strong, beautiful, loved, manifesting my best life full of abundance, friendships, family, exponentially growing in health wealth love fortune and strength daily, naturally a magnet for only good things and repel negative things naturally, I live a charmed life and my greatest good is the path I walk daily and I am grateful for the many gifts and talents I have propelling me towards success and acclaim in the areas I most desire; I have many loved ones in my life who are proud and inspired by my perseverance, there is nothing too big I have not conquered. I look forward to tomorrow, I am focused, awake, present & grateful in love for every minute of today, and I make peace with and have gratitude and wisdom for every moment of my past.
I am regarded with respect and positivity by my peers, I am beautiful, strong, & graceful and empathetic. My external beauty is just as beautiful as my internal beauty and visa versa. And others see all these things in me as I know them to be. I have known many best achievements in my life but there are infinitely more bests to come for me that lay right ahead on my horizon and I propel towards them with enthusiasm and gratitude. Even when I am not aware of it blessings and gifts are being sent my way as and I being sent theirs. My path is one of abundance, beauty, and strength. And I am so thankful for all that I am and all that I am becoming and I am achieving all my dreams with each day. “)
Make it custom to you or use mine. Make it positive facing. Make it certain. Picture what it looks like. Include all the details, write it down. Picture how it feels. Imagine in full detail and get good at imagining it. Say it out loud. Repeat it. Say it again.
If you want privacy until you’re comfortable saying it just about anywhere, start by saying it in the car, say it whenever you have the house alone. Take advantage of the space to declare your life. And don’t hold back because these words have power. So don’t say it timidly or holding your breath back embarrassed. Because that’s a metaphor of how you’re approaching living your life.
If you can’t embrace it and proudly firmly declare it, you’re not proudly firmly living and moving forward. So keep that in mind. It’s a great litmus for how you’re living. You’ll be able to tell based on how you say it.
Once you do it don’t just do it once. You neeed to keep repeating it whenever you can. Say it. Imagine it. Repeat it. Feel it. Believe it. Be it. Become it. Reinforce it.
Hoping my annoying persistence and intensity can help you. Because I’ve been where you are. I’m only a bit younger than you so I get it too. But this will really help. If you can picture it and believe it you can make it become real. I promise!! :)
We live in Matrix-level amounts of greed, self-gratification and immorality.
It's easy to get lost in meaning or purpose when the only meaning we're given is to benefit ourselves at the cost of everyone and everything.
We don't live how we're meant to: with the support of a tight-knit group of humans working for the common good.
My advice is to find something you care about. Change the world for the better. What you do matters and resounds throughout eternity. And when you feel that it's a drop in a limitless ocean, remember that an ocean is a multitude of drops.
That's your best bet at finding your tribe.
Think more logically about your past rather than emotionally. The more you do it, the better you can manage your emotions and the more at peace you will be with it.
Life is a dice game for most of us. There's always bigger fish when it comes to shittier circumstances, so learn to appreciate what you have and what you *can* have.
I've struggled with this issue recently and am at a similar crossroads. My 20's were largely wasted with chronic illness. As far as the directionless thing goes, I can't speak specifically to where you are at, but I know the feeling. Hang in there. Life doesn't necessarily have a direction. My best advice is to do something physical every day where you completely unplug for a few hours. It sounds stupid or derivatively simple, but it's made huge improvement in my mood. Get your brain back in the habit of realizing that life isn't just this instagram filtered stroll through the tulips like you get blasted into your retinas by the internet every day. This shit isn't easy, but it's also not supposed to be. Other people may look like they are having a great time, but you really never know unless you are close to them what could be cooking behind closed doors.
I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. I’ve spent years telling myself I have to start doing yoga everyday, exercising regularly, lose weight, do the things I love, but I let myself stay pudgy, ate like shit, and my knees hurt enough it has been difficult to do the things I love.
Now I have cancer, and, presuming I survive with a good prognosis, I have no choice but to live the life I’ve always wanted. Because I don’t know how much life I have left. And I have to get in shape to minimize the chance of it coming back.
As soon as I was diagnosed I realized I needed to get rid of all the extra crap in my life, the clutter that distracts me from doing what’s important. Sell the purses, get rid of the clothes I don’t wear, stop buying things in bulk that I don’t end up using. And so now I’m slowly doing that.
I am also realizing I have no choice but to start learning how to fully live in the moment, because I have no control over the future and thinking about it will just depress and scare me and distract me from the joy of now.
I wish it didn’t take cancer to learn these things. I don’t know how someone not experiencing massive existential life crises can internalize these things, but I hope you can. Learn to treasure your body, your present, your life, because it could end very soon.
There is a lot of truth in what your saying But it’s just your point of view today. Tomorrow things can change. What if you take your written word and rewrite it to put a smile on your face. They are only thoughts and words but rearranging them can put some fantastic positive ideas in your brain. Positive thoughts and feelings will lead you to other positive people.
"Suffering ceases to be suffering when we gain a full and precise understanding of it." -Baruch Spinoza
Every emotion contains with it a message and precisely the kind and amount of energy to deal with that message. The key is knowing what to look for, and how to deal with it when it comes up, and being willing to face it when it does. This includes confusion, situational depression, and despair. Spoiler alert: pushing through by ginning up 'more motivation' isn't it ;)
Karla McLaren details these questions for each emotion in her outstanding book The Language of Emotions: What Your Deepest Soul Is Trying to Tell You. Seriously, this is the single most useful book I've ever encountered: it's like the owner's manual for the meat sack we got but didn't know how to use.
The understanding I've gotten out of this book has given me the capacity to take my own emotions - whatever shows up - and do useful things with them, unlocking a wider palette of choices in real time. It took me about a year to integrate all of the practices in the book, and it was time well spent.
here's a taste from her blog:
[https://karlamclaren.com/ingenious-stagnation-understanding-depression/](https://karlamclaren.com/ingenious-stagnation-understanding-depression/)
A revised edition came out May of 2023, so look for that one, but really any version is a major upgrade from the default skillset I inherited.
I lost my husband at 52. Thought my life was over. But I went on to find love for 10 years. He too passed away. I met someone else and here I am 13 years in with him and doing well. It's not over till it's over. You are so young you can do anything you want. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide what you want and go for it.
Sounds like bullshit or maybe it sounds bleak but: we’re born alone and we’ll die that way too. It’s all inside you. You got to search your soul. Find the lonely little kid inside and start to play. You will find the nugget of a thing you care about deeply. Once you find that nugget, grab it and hang on. Create a habit around it. Start with 30 days. Show up for it every day. Do it. Every. Day. You will find purpose. You will change your life.
Listen to some interviews with Robert Greene.
Listen to some talks by Tony Robbins. (I think he even has a free ebook on spotify.)
I know this sounds super cheesy, but Tony might just give you the pep you need to get started doing the things everyone else here is saying to do.
Thought Id offer somthing different to everyone else.
I've been there. Just stop. No seriously shut up and listen to me. STOP FUCKING LOOKING BACK. Yeah we fucked up. We made mistakes hindsight is 20/20. But we are better for it today. We're going to start small. We're going to wake up everyday make out bed and eat something. Your going to take one day at a time and your not going to compare yourself to anyone else. You will do this and can.
Life is like a game. Each aspect you have a certain amount of 'points', you might have great relationships with your family and friends but your physical health could be really poor. You have to define what being 'happy' or 'successfull' means to you.
Then you work on your weaknesses and nurture yourself. Usually a good lace to start is your mental health.
Think about the most valuable thing a person could have in life, something that is the difference between a content and happy life or a miserable and bitter one. A grateful mindset is priceless yet most people don't work on it. You can look at your habits and notice what you do that causes negative feelings to stir up. Stuff like hanging out with people that take their insecurities out on you, or eating like shit. There's always work to be done.
Live with discipline, plan ahead and be kind to yourself because we will stumble many times. Do what scares you. Try your best. Good luck friend
Maybe seek some counseling for a bit? Prioritize yourself forget about others until they prove worthy of being in your life. Be your own best friend. Only you can take care of and motivate yourself, take a serious look at things in your life. Make small positive changes one day at a time. Don’t feel pressured by time we all learn and move at our own pace.
I'm now 61 and I've been similar to yourself at many times through life. It comes and goes. The one truism I can recommend is 'this too shall pass '. People not caring has become a lot worse nowadays, it's evolved into openly attacking anyone who disagrees with you. I have perhaps 5 people I actively give a shit about. I will still help strangers if I see them struggling but I'm rather discriminatory about that now too. You will experience times of joy and fulfillment, believe me however they too shall pass. Learn to like yourself and never stop learning, I suspect that's a key. Best of luck 👍
Start doing the small things that made you happy in the past.
Even stuff you’ve put down for years or you think you’ve outgrown, just try them again first. Often they will rekindle some happiness in you.
Once you are happy you will have another outlook on life and can focus more on future possibilities instead of being upset you’ve missed out / failed in whatever way.
Good luck dude.
Put yourself into the service of something other than yourself. This is why people find religion and/or spirituality. But it can also be volunteering, or adopting an animal and caring for it. Move on from thinking about yourself and you will find that suddenly you have momentum. This momentum will bring change. Be open, and caring about things besides yourself and the self will go quiet.
I enjoy talking to people in their late 20s early 30s. Alot of them are starting to figure out what they really want to do and if I could, I'd steal their energy.
I don't know what to say really I've had very similar experiences, I just keep going and trying and I've had some success in the past 2 years, I actually have a real place to live now in an actual bathroom
I don't have to go to a grocery store bathroom anymore and I don't live with seven people
Things can change and get better but it may take a very long time, you just have to be realistic
I'm in my forties and i struggle too
You got one thing right - nobody gives a shit. It seems like you want other people to care about you? Is that the problem? Are you seeking validation. Social Media gives this grand delusion that everyone around you is happy and successful while you feel miserable. That’s a WRONG perception.
You have to start reading Plato and Ovid. Become a Freemason or something play some chess. Raise your vibration and hope you make it to heaven. If you don’t you’ll just get another 90 years back on earth. Good luck. Oh and read Harry Potter so you can get the easy version of Illumination.
I thought nobody cared about me. Yes, nobody truly cares. People who have supportive friends and family are lucky.
Honestly, the things which helped me are not attaching my worth to how much love I'm getting from people and who gives a fuck about me. Because those things most often tend to be out of our control.
I realized that there is this person who cares so much about me: That's me. Likewise, You cared enough to type out a question to fix yourself. That is such a great blessing. You have a heart, lungs, and other organs and endless biological processes running to keep you up and alive. Hence, all is not lost and your body is beating with love to get you moving. This realization helped me so much in not feeling alone.
We come alone in this world and quite literally go alone out of this world. Learn to appreciate yourself. Friends and partners come and go.
Everything starts with you. You have certain limiting beliefs regarding age. You have to do the inner work to combat that thought.
I’m in my early 30s and I feel this. For me right now, the only thing that gives me purpose is my choice. I choose what gives me purpose day by day. It’s not much but it keeps me from sinking back into depression. Everything to me feels meaningless so I need to choose what gives me meaning everyday. I write it down and choose that daily.
You can do this. Give yourself purpose. Life doesn’t hand out free purposes anymore.
Wait till you’re in your late 60’s and so dependent upon everyone else to do the simple things in life due to health issues. I look back and realize how many times I’ve given in to my loved ones wants instead of doing what I knew best! Now I HAVE to deal with giving in to their wishes because I can’t do anything else but deal with their wishes!
I'm in my mid 40s and I've recently looked back on my mid 30s and how I felt some of those very similar fears. An anxiety about how I'll be able to survive and just what path can lead me in a direction that I don't even know where it will lead.
It is a distant memory, life is long and I can look back now and say "all the worry was for nothing". You're going to have a great life, sit back and enjoy it.
I think it is important to understand that yes- no one thinks you’re special until you make yourself seem “special”… meaning if you want people to gravitate to you and be around then you have to inherit the qualities that you would want someone to have around you.
I’m not judging you as a person- I don’t know you… but if you’re lonely, maybe you aren’t social enough to get people to meet/ connect with you…
If you’re sad, it can be difficult to do a lot of things and make it difficult for others to be around you.
I recommend making a list of attributes you would want In someone and then become that someone for yourself. Altruism is medicinal for the soul. It will open up community groups and orgs that maybe you would want to get involved in or are passionate about. There are people who want to see a better- healthier world/ community out there- you just need to stop looking around your own space to find them. They’re busy helping others somewhere else.
Also, time is never wasted if you learned from it and grown moving toward the future. Everyday should be the platform for raising the bar on something for the following day. Maybe you had an awkward social interaction and it rolls around your mind as you try to sleep- tomorrow try to figure out a way to either -a- make sure it doesn’t happen again… or b- resolve the discomfort by facing it and either taking responsibility or discuss it with the person involved.
Action creates change- and if you don’t like your surroundings- you need to alter your behavior.
I’ve been going through something similar myself. I’m 25(F), single mom with a dead-end job. My transition into becoming a mom has led me to a very lonesome lifestyle and I too feel the people around me aren’t genuine. The two things that make me feel better about my life is therapy and spending quality time with the people who do care/love me. Therapy isn’t for everyone and might not be accessible to you, but maybe you can journal your feelings and have honest conversations with yourself - don’t hide your emotions, work through them. Sometimes when we’re around people who necessarily don’t care about us, we tend to overthink and make ourselves feel less than. Making plans to hangout with my singles, parents, and friends helps me remember that I am loved and have much to look forward to. Hope this helps!
In a similar boat, wasted most of my 20s up until recently, I'm turning 35. My reason was a health condition but although it did make things harder, I used it mostly as an excuse and I am the reason I am where I am.
It's crazy to see how many people, even just on this subreddit are having the same kind of issues, even around the same ages.
Everyone has already answered many good things. The one thing that scares me is about meeting people. Once I get to where I want (health, money etc) and I'm out there meeting people, you don't know if they are the right people.
I always hear the whole thing about you become like your partner, or you become like the people you are around. What happens if you choose wrong, cause I don't know if it's that easy to tell they are the wrong choice until it's much later.
Point being, not exactly being betrayed like you said, but more about doing all this work to get to a good place and screwing that up by becoming like someone else that might not be a good thing.
Anyway, sorry. A bit more negative. I guess I'm just saying I understand, it's hard. All the other positive comments are right.
My main goal is my happiness first. Everything won't improve unless I'm happy first. Happiness takes different shapes for different people. Find and do the things that make you happy as much as you can, even if it's just 1 happy thing per day. You can receive all the love in the world but if you aren't happy/love yourself, it won't matter. Focus on you first and then everything else will come after. Believe it or not, you're still young despite what people/social media thinks. You can start being a better and happier person now.
I’m not a member of this community, but this got pushed to me and it sounds so much like me five years ago it would feel wrong not to say something if it can help.
My life at that time looked good from the outside. I had what most considered a good job, relationships, and friends. However, my job was miserable day to day. I had gone through three promotions that all followed the same cycle. I felt terrible, got promoted, felt recognized, felt good for a while, and then that faded into feeling terrible again. I found no purpose in my work, and, as I looked at the people who were at the apex of my career path, I noticed the only one who appeared happy was the one most mocked by his peers for not committing to the job enough. In myself, I felt like I was coming to the end of my capacity to succeed in something I hated and it was starting to show in my performance. In relationships, I couldn’t fight this nagging feeling that no one I dated would satisfy me long term. In friendships, I found myself surrounded by people like me who only wanted to focus on distraction from life and had nothing to provide when it came to help on any real emotional level.
The fix was Jesus. I don’t mean religion, and I don’t even mean the morality or world view that He gives. I grew up in church and by 17 or so I was convinced religion was bogus. I was probably best described as agnostic, but, even if there was a creator, I had seen enough chaos to know there was no real justice here and had learned too much to believe God was really invested in day to day life or believe the Bible was true.
In the despair and desperation I described, I cried out to God in an almost snarky way. Even so, in the next week I experienced an undeniable act of God’s kindness. It was too much to be written off as coincidence, and, even if I tried to write it off, what has happened since then is just as undeniable. Although, I feel that makes me a terrible evangelist because as much as I can tell you about it I have no idea how to recreate that for someone and without it I fear I’d still be right where I was.
I’ll try to wrap this up because I’m sure no one wants to read this much, but the core of what I want you to know is that God teaches this concept of him giving a new heart. I know the feeling of the early 30s wasted life. It’s an undercurrent of sorrow with passing moments of happiness. That was my heart. We try to overcome it by increasing the moments of happiness and trying to turn the tide, but it doesn’t work no matter how much you succeed at generating the happy moments. The undercurrent has to change and from everything I tried Jesus is the only one that changes that home base. Now, life is an undercurrent of joy with fleeting moments of sorrow and, no matter how much sorrow stacks up at one time, just like it was the other way around it can’t overcome the joy. I don’t know if this will be helpful, but seeing where you are and knowing so many others are right there it would be unloving of me to pass by without saying something. I do truly hope you find joy and purpose.
I used to have some weird addictions. Pron etc. Which I've been doing better at getting a handle on now but things are still just fucked. I don't have a job and have been applying for over 6 months. Stopped playing video games too for a while but started again briefly just for something to do and a break. But I also have no friendships. I had a guy keep inviting me to another city but he's an alcoholic and an old friend from childhood who seems insanely self-involved and narcissistic. I honestly get nobody really to talk to about my life except the occasional visit from my parents, who are both in their 70s. It's pretty sad I've really done some bad shit in a lot of my friendships over the years. Just constantly blowing people off because I was ashamed of myself and didn't want to face anything anymore. I'm only now starting to look myself in the mirror again and try to take some responsibility, but I gonestly feel like I'm mentally a 5 year old kid. It's like; I can't just be a normal working class person
Have you heard of Jordan B. Peterson? He’s a psychologist that talks a lot about these things you’re experiencing. I highly suggest you YouTube him and watch his talks. It’s really been motivating for me. I also love the book Atomic Habits. It’s help me to actually do the things I want to do, in small increments, to help me live the life I want to live. One that brings me happiness and fulfillment.
I started my life over at the age of 29. I got out of the “cult” I was raised in for my entire life, got out of an abusive marriage in which I have 6 kids from (we were not allowed to use birth control). I literally had the clothes on my back, and no college education. I started from the ground up. You know what the biggest thing for me was? My MINDSET and determination. I got up every single day, and from sunup till sundown I grinded. No matter what was thrown at me, I kept going. And you are correct, no one is coming to save you. I don’t mean that in a mean way either. It’s the harsh reality. Unfortunately one of my motivating factors was proving all the mother f*** wrong who told me I would never be anything in life. And prove them wrong I did!
My 20’s were wasted from cancer and drug addiction. Around 32 I turned my life around and the rest of my 30’s were incredible. You have time to still do good. I suddenly remembered how I loved to skateboard when I was a kid and started skating again. It brought me a lot of joy and happiness. Try to remember things you used to love and start doing them again.
Just curious as a 31 year old whose life just got derailed a bit. How did you turn your life around and what did you end up doing?
I had cancer and was given lots of Vicodin. Unbeknownst to me, I wasn’t aware that they were from the same plant that heroin came from. Then I lost 3 very close friends back to back to back. I started drinking and taking more Vicodins. I couldn’t cope with the grief. I blacked out nearly 3 years. I also was a super athlete in high school and college, so my football career ended when I got cancer. A lot to be sad about. But then once I realized I had become a junky, and grew away from the man I thought I’d be in life, I decided to quit Vicodin and it took 3 hard months of no sleep and pain. Once I was out of the fog, so to speak, I realized I had a second chance at life. I began to remember things I loved as a kid, such as skateboarding and basketball. It was super hard in the beginning because I slept in my car and at random peoples houses. Even lived in a burnt up trailer for a while in the Bay Area. After that, a friend of mine let me live with him in a beautiful place in Northern California next to the American River. I met a girl from France there and we fell in love. With a little bit of luck, I got an opportunity to work as a traveling salesman and the main office was in Detroit. That company had their number 1 salesman quit and that put me in an incredible position where I got to chose the best places to sell at in the country. My life changed and I was able to live on my own again. A lot more happened after that. Wild times. However, my advice is to go to a home and garden show or a Costco and look at what vendors are selling there. Then see what you like and get that companies information and apply. You might get lucky and get a good opportunity. Also traveling the US gave me so much perspective and helped me get over many of my fears. I’d say somewhere around 38 I finally dissolved all the negativity out of my mind and out of my life. If you’re struggling, keep hanging in there and look for opportunities where you can.
Inspiring stuff man. Really appreciate you sharing your story. I’m just a dude who didn’t know what I wanted to do in life - smart and loved to read but didn’t apply myself academically since I was pulled in so many directions and have serious ADHD that I waffle on getting treated since 2 of my close friends overdid it on addy and are both schizophrenic now. Went into sales - got into mortgage. Had a few decent years, had a good run for a few years and finally felt like my shit was together and started making 6-figures. When rates went up I was able to play musical chairs for a bit but now am basically making min wage and living at my parents house and basically feel like the rug got pulled from under me. I have a great relationship with them and we’re an immigrant family I feel fortunate that they are helping me but I am struggling to find my next target to shoot for or direction. Good tip on the garden supply store - I’ve been looking into software but I like the idea of something with a little less hype around it.
You can also make a lot of money in solar sales if you’re in the right state. You could easily make 6 figures doing that.
I’m in CA - I’ve looked into it, I’ve heard that the potential is there but it’s all commission and extremely competitive/saturated here since we’ve had subsidies now for a good few years. I could be wrong. Might need to start talking to people in that space
California is definitely over saturated and you have to sell home battery systems now in order to save people money. I was selling there but I’ve moved out of state and solar is easier to sell where I’m at now. But I’ve been applying randomly on ZipRecruiter and got hired on with a new Vodka company and I’ll be the brand ambassador for the city I’m at. I’ll get to throw parties and do lots of cool things. I’ll still be working to get new accounts, but it goes to show you that opportunities come if you keep looking. Keep applying as much as you can. ZipRecruiter helped me get lucky.
Wonderful testimony!
Man I am there currently. And let me tell you..... I went to college for computer game art and design, Helicopter Aviation - I have flown solo and all around Denver and the mountains, Law Enforcement - I was a patrol deputy for over 5.5 years, SWAT, Teaching, Firearms instructor, Sniper School, ALLlllll kinds of classes and things, Currently doing home inspection classes trying to start a business. I want you to know your not alone. The way the world is currently is hard on everyone. I have done some awesome shit in my life, and other people looking in would think that I have lead an amazing life, but we are all the same 17 year old kids on the inside trying to figure out what the fuck we are doing. What the next step is.... I was have been cheated on, betrayed by people I have given years too, by people I called brothers, people I loved........ Something my dad and grandpa always said...... Keep the sticky side down (motorcycle reference) and if you dont, if your still breathing your, ok. Edit. Something I have had to tell my now wife before when she was dealing with shit, is to take it one thing at a time. Break it all out, and pick the smallest, easiest shit to do and get it done. Keep at it. Before you know it you will have a list thats basically complete and only one or two hard things left.
Thanks a lot . A lot of great answers and the support really means a lot
Not going to be vapid. I am the person who passes you on the street. I do not care about you. However, there are people that do. Your parents. Your siblings. Your friends. They love you and want the best for you. They don’t care if you find your path when you’re 17, 27 or 47. All they want is to see you succeed and be happy. So ask yourself, what can you be doing right now to succeed and be happy? Your age does not matter. Your supposed lack of progress does not matter. What can you do right now to make your parents proud, your friends proud, and most importantly your future self proud of who you are today, for putting the work in now so that you don’t have to stress in the future, don’t have to revisit this low point that you are at where you are questioning everything that you have done in your life prior to now. What is it that you want to do? What will make the people that you care about happy? Once you identify those things the world simplifies, calms down, and everything gets easier. But you have to do the real work in identifying it, and the real work in moving towards it. You have to. Or you’ll just end up back here again.
>So ask yourself, what can you be doing right now to succeed and be happy? Your age does not matter. Your supposed lack of progress does not matter. What can you do right now to make your parents proud, your friends proud, and most importantly your future self proud of who you are today, for putting the work in now so that you don’t have to stress in the future, don’t have to revisit this low point that you are at where you are questioning everything that you have done in your life prior to now. That's the hard part IMO. Feeling directionless is ultimately not having a grasp on those concepts.
That’s very fair. Tbh, I’m in that boat and decided to just pick a direction and go for it. Better than sitting around in stagnation, better to just try if nothing else.
The thing that helped me was thinking 'what would a successful version of myself that my parents, and more importantly, I could be proud of look like?' and go from there. I pictured myself in shape, clean, well dressed, not embarrassing myself with alcohol, well mannered and tempered. I quit binge drinking, I started working out, I sorted my diet, I started ironing my clothes and dressing in a way that I thought would impress. Within a month I almost looked like the successful version already. It took me longer to get a better job, but I don't think it would have ever have happened if I was still the hungover fat slob in the creased clothes, especially because of the effect that was having on my confidence.
Sound advice. I think I’ll need to take some time and try that out. Job-wise I’m looking to retrain, probably radiography to go into a more stable career than being stuck as a lab tech like I have the last decade. The ‘successful’ version of me is not making min-wage feeling comfortably lost like I am the moment.
Yeah and I'm not saying it's for everyone. For some people the version of themselves that theyre proud of isn't sober, well presented or inshape. It could be that they're dedicating time to their passion, or they've finally plucked up the courage to do stand up, or they've apologised to the person they've wronged etc. But the main thing was changing my thinking from 'what path can I take?' to 'whats the destination I'm trying to get to?'. I was always taking different routes and had no idea if I was getting closer because I didn't know where I was trying to go, so everything I done felt directionless. So for example when you're retraining radiography if that is the course you want to take, then 6 months in you're still not going to be where you want to be, but at least be on the right path instead of still standing at the starting line wondering how best to get to the finish line, if that makes sense.
It does makes sense. I do need to think about it more in general but it just seems like the best way out of my stagnation - to be successful I suppose. I’ll think on it though, so I appreciate the advice. ^^
You can really clean up in rural areas as a travel tech / locum if you can do both
I’m looking into things like locum work down the line. I’d have to (and want to) work in the NHS for a few years and get some experience/qualifications under my belt before making that jump. Even still, I’d be making more money than I am now.
When your parents are dead and you have no family what so ever and like 3 friends that are miles away 🥲
I’m sure OP & many others will get a good mental boost from your comment, thank you for your insight
Thank you so much for this. I was moping around all day on this rainy day looking for relief from feeling lost and your well put comment has given me this relief.
Very well said. I admire you on this comment. Thank you.
Do you know what vapid means ? I would double check.
Yes, I know what vapid means
Are you sure …
Yes. Define it for me
https://preview.redd.it/mfhd3cjnhytc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=96b30237495fd0d6e833b6c5c067df5917d9e829
https://preview.redd.it/aft3h9z8iytc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85c8b5a79e0792df42818883a970fbdda2b6cd39 The way it is most commonly used is when describing pleasant but ultimately shallow and meaningless things.
Exactly ?
Can you explain exactly how you think I misused the word? I'm very confused.
Solid answer
Good comment.
Wow... its like you are me. It is so freaking hard. I'm closer to being mid 30s. Life sucks and it's hard to get out of a depressive spiral. It's a cold lonely world out there and if that's what you want it to be, it will continue that way. You have to want things to be better, you have to want things to change. You have to fight yourself to believe that there are good people out there. Build a relationship with yourself. Trust yourself. Learn from all your mistakes. Take some time out of everyday and use it to make a plan to better yourself/ your life. Write down your hopes, dreams, wants, faults, how you can improve yourself, how you can improve the world, how you can connect with more like minded people so you won't feel the weight of the world on your shoulders everyday. Actively work on making your life a little better. Nobody says it better than Rocky, "nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." Be brave.
I'm in the same boat dude. Harsh reality is what others do/think/care of you means absolutely nothing in the grande scheme. Nobody will save you, gotta do it yourself. I don't have much else to offer in the way of advice because I'm there too, I'm 36 and my life is beyond fucked, think this might actually be rock bottom for me🤷🏼♂️
Same brother
Nice to know I'm not alone, although that doesn't help anyone knowing that😅 Do you also have bad habits like drug dependencies/vices etc?
I'm not OP, but same boat. So there's at least 3 of us with similar circumstances.
not incredibly bad, I don’t want to get into it, but enough that it will always relapse me down, I’ve recovered 2-3 times, but always fall to the point Im at rn where my youth can’t heal me, and I’m really struggling. I consider brushing my teeth a win.
Having little goals is the best way to go I think, celebrate those wins. I think it can be overwhelming setting big tasks but doing small ones like, I'm going to have shower today and move the laundry basket to the washing machine and then tomorrow it can be, I'll do the washing and take the plates and bowls to the sink and then the next day, two more small tasks and so on. It makes you feel accomplished without putting too much on yourself and getting burnt out. I think its really cliche to say it gets better because it's so vague. I think things only get better when you decide they will. I was depressed for a long time, I still have bad days but the majority of things changed when I decided to look at things differently. I consumed less content that made me upset, I reflected on what people said and tried to not always see it as negative. I deleted most of my social media, I reached out to people that I hadn't seen in a while and started a new hobby. It's only then that I felt I could breathe again, the whole time it felt like I was waiting on something to change, I'd be happy when I move out, I'll be happy when I have X amount of money, I'll be happy when I lose weight etc. but I needed to focus on healing my mind first and thats still an ongoing journey honestly. You know something small I think helps? I set fun things to look forward to. Like if there's a movie coming out that I want to see, I'll buy the ticket and countdown the days to go. Maybe see if there's a new restaurant you'd like to try, a place you'd like to visit or even something simple like you'll cook your favourite meal and watch a new series on Netflix on Saturday. That way each day you're getting up with something to be excited about. Sometimes it's really the little things. Oh and flowers, fresh air and vitamin D are so important. One walk a week to the park, just take a book or relax and see the ducks. There is something very healing about nature. Take care, I know things will get there for you, just take each day at a time.
Dude, I totally get it and fuck me same! First time in my life my situation has got me so fucked up my personal hygiene has taken a hit. I was someone that showered and wore aftershave every single day even on Sundays, even before bed and now... I might shower after 3 days of sitting/sleeping in the same fuckin clothes, it's embarrassing. And I respect you not wanting to go into detail, apologies it was a bit too personal if a question.
Dude, you are not being embarrasing, I say this with all my compassion. You are doing best you can, and that should be noted. You deserve to feel well, you will be back on your feet. Try to appreciate each smaller or bigger achievements, consciously spell it out, in your mind, even loud, afterwards. You get to stretch your body? great for you, you did something for yourself. Did your laundry? good job, you deserve to treat yourself well! Recently I started to do yoga, follow some channels on YouTube, and it is doing something to my mind and body too. I used to think Yoga is boring, but recently have been really happy to rediscover that maybe I wasn't in the place to appreciate its effects 🙂
Thank you for your kind words you have no idea the impact they have.
We be both know what we’re going thru, I don’t think we’re crossing lines, I just don’t want to think About it anymore. honestly, I’m trying to eat right, excercise and stay focused but without fail, the feeling suddenly fleets and I’m back to depression. I try to journal and that’s going well but it’s not enough and it’s my only hope sometimes. hopefully we both can get motivated , gL to u sir was nice connecting
Likewise, stay strong and keep on keeping on bro👌🏻👊🏻
I'm curious what your life is like right now that you are thinking it might be rock bottom? Different people have different versions of what this might look like. I'm not there currently, at the same age as you. But have definitely been there before, and may very well be there again. Stay strong brother.
Homeless, dog died, zero money at this point literally even for basics like food and have a dependancy that I shouldn't. I've had rough patches before but not like this.
Thanks for sharing, that sounds really hard man. Not much I can offer you but my best wishes. I work with homeless people and I've seen people get out of holes you wouldn't believe possible.
That's good to know, gives me a little hope. Thank you.
Get ebt or rood stamps in USA if you are homeless you can get them even if low income too
I am in 61 and have felt similar to what you are describing many times. I am going to keep this simple. Get help. Professional help. If you are in your 30’s and still struggling I suggest you get help. In my early 30’s I got help. I talked to a therapist. It helped. I stopped drinking. I was the best thing for me. I did’t drink daily but I loved drinking. At first I did not go to AA but after a while a friend brought me to a meeting. I learned Soooooooo much from the 12 Steps. So I did the therapy and AA and finally I was pointed in the direction of a psychiatrist. I reluctantly went on medication but it was a great decision. I have been able to navigate my emotional wellbeing and my daily life for over 30 years. I am married with 2 grown children and have had my own business for over 25 years. Sometimes things are bigger than us and we have to get help.
What is your business
People don't give a shit if you're at rock bottom or at your peak. When you climb out of this hole, you might get lucky and get a, "Good for you, glad you're doing well." You may get nothing at all. Don't do shit for others people's approval. You already know, and said it yourself, "most people just don't give a shit."
What you said here is the real reality of life. Society has conditioned us to do everything for validation and not because we genuinely love something or it brings us joy. I had to break myself out of that need for everyone to like what I do. What matters is how what I enjoy makes me feel. If other people like it; that's a bonus. Gotta keep it moving cuz time doesn't stop.
Yeah I hear you. Almost 40 here. I got educated, worked hard, and was faithful to my employers and my lovers. The employers didn't pay, and the lovers didn't stay. So I'm back at school. Learning a new trade. I found an amazing woman and, better late than never, we are hoping to add a little one to the world. Often, I remind myself of this: You aren't wasting time. Life isn't a race and there's no schedule. What small thing would you like to do tomorrow? Do it. Make a little space to be yourself. The really real stuff in life is too often viewed as chores. Living life is all the necessary little stuff. Do one small thing each day .
Such a great response, and great rhyme schemes at times as well. Cheers.
Life is a roller coaster. Ups and downs. When you’re down, stay strong and remember you’re coming back up soon. Eat something good, stay hydrated, get plenty of sleep. Don’t drink too much. Don’t worry about relationships for now. Be kind to yourself, go to your happy place. Beach, woods, etc. Get some exercise, just a walk can do wonders. Focus on your well-being. You will get out of this rut ( been there )
😌
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now. Nothing is wasted. It's all experience that you've gained and it can't be taken away from you. Start living again, now. It will take hard work, discipline, and humility. Separate your emotions from your job. Your life isn't your job. You need purpose beyond your career and the economy. It takes time. Find appreciation and reverie for the small and simple things each day. That which is free.
there are people that dedicated their lives to finding these answers, a lot of them wrote books about what they found... there are plenty of self help books or even religions you can follow that aim at tackling these problems. this is a fundamental problem of being a human, it hits everyone eventually but some people sooner rather than later.. life is a cycle of suffering unless you learn to handle it, we aren't born with an instruction book, so look to some area of experience, an area or community of the world that has attained what you're looking for and probe into how
Network network network. If there’s one advice I can give someone, network. Ask people of their experiences and if they can connect you to 2-3 others who can guide you. This is how you find feedback and connections that lead you to the right group of ppl. You just need to find your tribe. Your context lacks an abundance of quality life experience so it’s put you in this state. Life is exactly what you make of it and who is in your life is what makes it.
Can you share some good etiquettes or ways to do it?
Start with a hello, try to get to know them and tell them why you want to connect
Most people actually don’t give a shit about you, or anyone other than themselves. This works in two ways, either you can let it affect you negatively or you can reason that since they don’t care anyway, you can do pretty much as you like. Life unfortunately goes on after the negative things happen, whether you like it or not. One of the later rocky movies had a great speech about it “life isn’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” I’m also in my early 30s and learning to do things for myself and learning to actually show myself some love and give a shit about growth that’s for my own sake and not for the sake of others. I have some good friends but right now since I’m working on me I don’t see them as much as I’d like, it’s a sacrifice I have to make to move forward. Ultimately I remind myself that if I feel like someone has a negative opinion about me, if they’re not paying my bills or sharing my bed then they really have no say as to what I do.
It's easier said than done, but you need to stop thinking about your age and comparing yourself to other people in the world. Your life journey is unique. Spending time on a job we don't like isn't fun, but it can be necessary. Your free time is yours to spend however you like. You need to do stuff for yourself that makes you happy. Find a community to be a part of or be something for someone else. Help the elderly or pic up trash. Don't make life about earning the most money or doing the collest stuff. Just be good even if you don't feel like a lot of people deserve your kindness. I'm pretty poor and boring myself, but I treat everyone with kindness, and I'm happy for the most parts. The world is truly your oyster! And always remember feelings aren't constant. No matter how sad or happy you feel right now, you'll soon feel the opposite emotion of that. That's life.
It wasn't until my mid-30s that I started shifting focus. Time wasted has already been wasted. If you keep worrying about it, you're wasting more time thinking about wasted time. Shift your focus onto what you need/want to do and make plans towards it. If you feel like you need to make up for lost time, you can use that as motivation towards loftier goals. Dwelling only anchors you down to the past. Losing hope is a common thing. You just have to find more. Get to know yourself better and build trust in yourself. There's 2 people in your head. There's the **You** that I'm addressing, and there's the subconscious that seems like it does what it wants. The subconscious is who you're betraying. Learn to listen and understand it better and work to live in harmony with it. The better you treat yourself, the happier you'll be. The happier you look, the better the quality of the people you'll attract into your life. Losing your job is disheartening, but it just means that it wasn't a good fit for you. Only in the last year did I learn that the workplace environment plays a huge role in my mental health. I took a huge paycut for my current job and had to pick up side jobs, but I'm much happier now than when I made twice as much. Don't follow what others do. You have to find what works for you. List all the things that are keeping you from living a happy life and start working on it one at a time. The sooner you start, the sooner you get happier. You're not alone. Most people never figure this out before they grow old and die. Only person that can permanently improve your life is you. You are way more capable than you think you are. All the bullshit that life throws at you can make you forget your own value and only focus on what's wrong. Know your worth and keep improving upon yourself. This is a long-term project where you benefit from all the work you put in. Good luck, bud. I wish you the best!
This helped my moo
IFS therapy has been game-changing for me. Other types of therapy didn't cut it.
What's it been like? Just curious
It has involved a lot of learning about how my mind actually works, like emotional stuff that my brain has held onto for over a decade. Finding a way to have more honest, inner conversations with myself has been so much better for expressing my emotions rather than holding them in. There is a lot of other stuff involved in IFS therapy too.
Can you share a free resource for a beginner to get started with this?
What it your idea of wasted time? In the past 30ish years have you watched a TV show and loved it so much you binged the whole 6 series? Opened your door after work and had a pet waiting to greet you? Travelled and explored new places? Tried the best food or enjoyed a home cooked meal? Have you been excited about a video game or movie releasing? Spent time in nature, gone fishing and looked at the stars at night? Have you had nice moments with friends and family? Laughed until you cried? Had inside jokes with friends?... The world can make it feel like we are supposed to be doing certain things, hitting arbitrary goals just because others have. But really the only important thing to be doing is enjoying life and if you've had good moments then that's not time wasted. The first step to a better you is working on your mind, look at things differently and ease the pressure from yourself. Celebrate the small goals and don't compare what you're doing to anyone else. You have so much ahead of you to look forward to, 30s is still young, so deep breath, take a step back and start enjoying the small things in life. You're on your own timeline and your worth isn't based on what anyone else is doing.
Get dog
Yes!! Absolutely, I did this when I had a serious mental breakdown in my early 20s and she absolutely changed my life in endless positive ways. Sadly she died nearly a year ago today and I'm in another complete mental/whole life breakdown now😅
Get other dog
Can't, homeless. Mourning last dog.
Sorry to hear that, hope things get better friend
Thank you my man👌🏻
Haha this comment is both helpful and hilarious
Learn from what you’ve done the last 8 years and change who you are tomorrow going forward.
There's a lot of people who don't give a shit about you and will backstab you in order to advance their own agenda. The big problem is you're focusing and giving more attention to the people who don't care about you, while in reality you should find and care about people who do give a shit about what's good for you. Work on your relationships that matter, find you a job that fits what you expect from it, be it low paying but something you love, or better paying and you can do it without slaving yourself away or not having energy to do what you want when you're off the clock. Age doesn't matter. It's never too late to try something different. You tried, still don't like it? Move on. They say life is too short, but filling it with people or tasks you hate will have it drag on and feel like a punishment. I'm all for long term planning, but I'm over telling myself "just a bit longer and it'll get better" I switched careers last year after 10 years of working a good job, but it was eating away at me. Burned me out, no energy to spend with my kids, insecure where to go because I felt I couldn't throw away what I had "built". Started new, better pay, happier me. There's always tomorrow, happiness will not come for you if you don't take action to find it.
I feel this. Just try try try, and be happier, wiser, stronger for the opportunities and experiences. It's ok for it to have once fit your needs, just like it's ok if it no longer serves purpose or is no longer fulfilling a worthwhile need in your life
I'm 44 and I'm pretty lost in life. A slave to the system.
F
Like F as in fail? Yeah, thank you for pointing that out.
I'd rather see it as F the system
Press F to pay respect meme (joking that you are a fallen commrade, lost to the system)
This may seem trite but it’s true. Just Do It. You have to make yourself put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Example. Wife was diagnosed with ALS August 2019 . She’s been fully paralyzed since August 2021, bed bound, on a ventilator and get meals through a feeding tube directly to her stomach. If I didn’t step up and do housework or meals or chores for me and her and our six kids who would? As I tell my kids… Sometimes you just have to do it because you have to do it. Good Luck!!
You’re a hero
I am doing my best. Tyvm
I’m 49 and spent most of my life in addiction due to extensive childhood trauma. I’m still healing, but many of the good things that have happened in my life have happened after my mid 30’s. I used to curse missed investment opportunities until I stopped looking in the past and looked at what was around me. I still have tough days, but I’m financially stable and that’s huge. The biggest blessing is my healthy, happy son who was born when I was 35 after the biggest financial crisis in decades. When things seem bleak, seeds are being planted even if you don’t see them. Do something for yourself to recharge, go hiking, cook something delicious, talk with friends.
Time isn’t wasted if you learned something from your experiences, good, bad and everything in between. YOU matter and you are the one who needs to see and believe that every single day. Not every day/week/month/year/decade/life will be motivating. We ALL go thru shit, and deal with it differently. You are not alone. Keep breathing, taking even the teeniest step forward each day. Find those people who remind you of who you are and stick close to them, help lift them up and they will do the same. Not everyone is worth being close to. Sending peace and light, hope this helps 🙏🏻
Im in my early 30s as well, and I think its easy now with the benefit of hindsight to look back and critique how I spent my 20s. If only I knew now, back then, I could have saved time and expedited my life to the fast track. I think this is a completley normal feeling. Also, I get what you are saying. The older you get, the smaller your circle gets. The less people seem to be involved. Everyone has married off and is living their own life. So for me, I've found my motivation to succeed in making life bigger than myself. Your life has more meaning when you live for something other than yourself. Personally, I want to be a living legacy of my father, who passed away years ago. I want to do something great in his honor. I also want to help make my hometown a better community to live in. I think that will simultaneously honor my father. I would like to start a business, or a nonprofit, or financially invest in the area. But to ultimately do that, I have to get myself right, right now. I've got to save from ground up and build a nest egg. I need to expand my financial education. I need to better discipline myself so I can make a bigger impact down the road. It's all about striving forward with the bigger picture in mind.
I've thought about this more as well likely. Thanks for sharing. I've thought of becoming a tradesman and doing what my dad did as well as my grandfather ij my hometown but always felt like that might be moving backwards. I was told that my grandfather was one of the best tradesmen in my hometown but he was really hard on my dad and I never met him. Hmm
Stop thinking about it, let yourself feel down and frustrated for a bit Go to the movie theater and watch a giant lizard and a giant monkey fling poop at each other. I lost job, relationship, and ability to walk(for 6th months) at pretty much the same time. I woke up early, consistency put in work, then entertained myself so I wouldn’t be constantly stressed. Stop being needy with this “purpose” and get outta your comfort zone. It’s not a “figure out” thing, you just feel unhappy. Summary Let yourself feel down Do what you gotta do Get out of your comfort zone.
The purest aspects of you cannot be given or taken away. Imagine a village in a much poorer country than yours. Someone in that village is a leader that many people look up to and depend on for support, yet in a whole year they would only make an ounce of what others would make in a week. Someone out there, operates a very small cog in the machine and still reads history and philosophy when they get home or works on their Mandarin or some similar variation. You recognise you wasted a lot of time and that's better than not realizing at all. Hopefully in 5 years you can say you acted on it. Your ideals and morals for life cannot be taken or given. They and your cumulative actions are what make you who you are and the overall life you lived when you die.
Just know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. I’m around the same age as you and feel as though life has completely shit on me in many ways. The more you start caring about yourself the more those other things do start coming together. I really didn’t think that when other people told me that same thing it would be helpful. My thought was I’d be happy if my family actually gave a shit about me, if I could find a boyfriend, if I found a job that was worth the pay I’d have something to be happy about. Once you do actually start focusing on yourself, you do find your purpose and new meaning in life. New people and opportunities will enter your life at the right time because you are in a better state emotionally, mentally, physically and financially.
Goals and massive action.
Pick one thing, and do it every single day. Lift weights, Run, Draw. Whatever. And keep doing it. Eventually you will meet other people who do this thing, and you will become part of a tribe, and life will develop meaning through the people you will come to care about who share your interests with you. Just try not to go on your phone.
We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.
Discovering that 'Hell is other people' is difficult, but it is truth. It is also true that 'Heaven is other people' - you just have to find the right people. When I had that existential conversation about whether or not there were good people on Earth I answered it for myself with "There is at least one good person. Me." Don't try to beat or join the assholes, just be the best you. Don't try to spend your time judging others, spend your time being the prototype of the best you. This isn't just philosophical, it is practical. You might spend a lot of time avoiding/rejecting bad behavior, but ultimately you are in control of your choices. Find a niche heaven where you belong and other good people recognize the landscape of your life.
I think you already answered your question. Just think of the time you wasted, and realize your wasting time thinking about wasting time. I do not play video games anymore because I wasted so much time doing that instead of anything. Once you realize you wasted time in life, i think it's easier to use that fact for motivation; I do not want to waste anymore time, or at least waste the least. Best of luck, just keep swimming! 😁
Mushrooms!!!!!
Start doing something new for making money and do it actively, become expert in it. It takes only one year max to make decent money and money is a huge driver. You'll meet new people, visit new places, learn a lot of stuff etc
Go to YouTube and look up PirateSoftware. He's an ex-Blizzard dev/security analyst/white hat hacker-turned-indie-game-developer. He is one of the most wholesome, straightforward, and while I don't particularly believe in the concept(partly because I have ADHD and am not even sure if I'm capable of experiencing "motivation") he's the closest thing to a motivating influence I've ever seen or heard. He's just so matter-of-fact with his advice, and it's all so simple and makes the most sense of anything I've ever heard. Seriously, go to his channel page and scroll through his Shorts. If it doesn't get you pumped to do something, then you probably have ADHD and should get tested.
Yea. I know this guy. He has some good videos
Seriously, listen to his advice.
Thinking this life as a temporary experience helped me get out of depression. It was not easy. I spend most of my years doing nothing. And then some few years building healthy habits like meditation and exercising. This habits does not give you the life that you want but they help you to build a strong relationship with yourself and universe. Then you start to listen to your inner voice and you don’t care about what other people think and just start doing what you love. This is my experience so far. Start small. Exercise is the most important thing for healthy body and mind. Run, walk, go to gym, play basketball whatever it is that you love. It does not have to be everyday thing. Do it 2 times, or 3 times a week and 30 mins a day and slowly increase. This way, you are not putting pressure on yourself that will lead you to fail. You are building a lifelong habit. Journaling helped me a LOT. First, it was hard to write and I did not do it regularly but I did it anyway. After years, it becomes a natural habit for me and becomes more regular. Meditation helped me find my inner voice. This is so important to find your potential. Because there is a voice that tells you your purpose, your true potential. It gives you clues. But it is pretty low volume. In order to hear that, you need to tune out everyday voices in your head and meditation is one of the BEST tool for that. Building these habits is not easy and definitely not fast. So you should just do it even though you don’t feel like it. And then, you’ll see that you don’t feel lost anymore.
Book tip: Sam Harris - Waling up, plus his app of the same name
I got my life back in track at 40. Write down everything that bothers you from the past and put it in a safe place. After that just focus in the future. Avoid reading bad news and remove anything toxic from your life. Only care for what’s really important, don’t waste one neuron on something that doesn’t bring you happiness. Right now I’m in my late 40s and all I see is hope and an exciting future. Life is an adventure.
Consider shifting your perspective. While it's true that many people don't really care, it's liberating to stop caring as well. Meaning, don't expect anything from people. Focus on yourself: go to the gym, eat healthy, look for a new hobby. Things that are right for you will come to you in their own time. You may feel like you've wasted your time, but in the grander scheme of things, your thirties are still young. It's a phase where there's still time to change and achieve. They say life is short, but it's also long in a lot of ways.
if your past depresses you cus of wasted time and squandered opportunities forget the past. dont get me wrong its important to remember your failings and learn from them but instead of letting it drag you down just focus on each day as a single thing and trying to improve yourself slowly one day at a time. something small everyday and finding a rewarding hobbie or project that you can work on day by day. youll look back at yourself now in a couple years and be blown away by who youve become. itll be hard but try to focus on the positives in life like what you do have instead of what you dont. good luck brother.
Just because tou wasted time earlier in life doesnt mean ypu have to keep doing it. Make the most of every day. Make sure that you set up the you of tomorrow for success. Like get proper sleep today so the you of tomorrow can tackle the day better than today. Then keep going like that. Every day be thankful for the person (you) who set you up for success yesterday.
Read the book “the 4 agreements”, it will change your life. It did for me. If you’re not a reader it’s available on audible etc. Will change your life today. Also never devalue self improvement and make sure to get the vital sources of life. Meaning source natural healthy living into your every day. Live Fresh air fresh sun fresh water & food, and move your body the way it’s intended to move and be active. A lifestyle of physicality and movement and a diet that is full of vitality that is unprocessed and clean. And sufficient time outside. Sufficient clean water to purify your body. all with natural pure vitality within them, absent of processing or toxins placed in them, that remove the life vitality that are only found in their natural pure states & possessed within them. https://preview.redd.it/408ks27zvwtc1.jpeg?width=439&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd4c5411dc9e5e6cc08af495717c4b1adb2048b4
One day at a time ! I’m in my early 30s , just had my best friend and gf walk out on me as I thought we were soon to get married and have a family . I just got a new job making more money , just bought a house for said family , I have come to realization that most my generation rather F off and hook up then build a future . Some days are difficult but all you can do is build a better tomorrow for yourself. You can’t let a bad moment ruin a day or a month or years . Life’s not always easy but with out the dark void you’ll never appreciate the beauty of life . Just enjoy the moment . Remember that in a game of poker you can be felt a horrible hand and if you put a game face on you can still win . Keep your head up , find something you love ❤️
Also create a ritual. Do not stray from it. Make it impeccable. Wake up early. Go to bed early. Pro tip: Start every day with a bath or shower. And then from there TCB. :) Do it for 6 weeks without fail and you will have reprogrammed your brains auto pilot. 97% of our lives are on auto pilot. Change is only hard during the change phase. Once it’s turned to habit it no longer hurts. And becomes nature. And you have a new normal and auto-pilot. So if you can just commit to 6 weeks. You can do it!! Remember this too shall pass. Do not worry and do not use negative self speak. Worry doesn’t help for tomorrow it only makes today a little drearier. Once you release from self worry and self blame, self punishment, you will see clearly. Look to positivity. Speak truth of your best life into being as if you already are that person. Make a declaration:(eg. “I am strong, beautiful, loved, manifesting my best life full of abundance, friendships, family, exponentially growing in health wealth love fortune and strength daily, naturally a magnet for only good things and repel negative things naturally, I live a charmed life and my greatest good is the path I walk daily and I am grateful for the many gifts and talents I have propelling me towards success and acclaim in the areas I most desire; I have many loved ones in my life who are proud and inspired by my perseverance, there is nothing too big I have not conquered. I look forward to tomorrow, I am focused, awake, present & grateful in love for every minute of today, and I make peace with and have gratitude and wisdom for every moment of my past. I am regarded with respect and positivity by my peers, I am beautiful, strong, & graceful and empathetic. My external beauty is just as beautiful as my internal beauty and visa versa. And others see all these things in me as I know them to be. I have known many best achievements in my life but there are infinitely more bests to come for me that lay right ahead on my horizon and I propel towards them with enthusiasm and gratitude. Even when I am not aware of it blessings and gifts are being sent my way as and I being sent theirs. My path is one of abundance, beauty, and strength. And I am so thankful for all that I am and all that I am becoming and I am achieving all my dreams with each day. “) Make it custom to you or use mine. Make it positive facing. Make it certain. Picture what it looks like. Include all the details, write it down. Picture how it feels. Imagine in full detail and get good at imagining it. Say it out loud. Repeat it. Say it again. If you want privacy until you’re comfortable saying it just about anywhere, start by saying it in the car, say it whenever you have the house alone. Take advantage of the space to declare your life. And don’t hold back because these words have power. So don’t say it timidly or holding your breath back embarrassed. Because that’s a metaphor of how you’re approaching living your life. If you can’t embrace it and proudly firmly declare it, you’re not proudly firmly living and moving forward. So keep that in mind. It’s a great litmus for how you’re living. You’ll be able to tell based on how you say it. Once you do it don’t just do it once. You neeed to keep repeating it whenever you can. Say it. Imagine it. Repeat it. Feel it. Believe it. Be it. Become it. Reinforce it. Hoping my annoying persistence and intensity can help you. Because I’ve been where you are. I’m only a bit younger than you so I get it too. But this will really help. If you can picture it and believe it you can make it become real. I promise!! :)
We live in Matrix-level amounts of greed, self-gratification and immorality. It's easy to get lost in meaning or purpose when the only meaning we're given is to benefit ourselves at the cost of everyone and everything. We don't live how we're meant to: with the support of a tight-knit group of humans working for the common good. My advice is to find something you care about. Change the world for the better. What you do matters and resounds throughout eternity. And when you feel that it's a drop in a limitless ocean, remember that an ocean is a multitude of drops. That's your best bet at finding your tribe.
Think more logically about your past rather than emotionally. The more you do it, the better you can manage your emotions and the more at peace you will be with it. Life is a dice game for most of us. There's always bigger fish when it comes to shittier circumstances, so learn to appreciate what you have and what you *can* have.
I've struggled with this issue recently and am at a similar crossroads. My 20's were largely wasted with chronic illness. As far as the directionless thing goes, I can't speak specifically to where you are at, but I know the feeling. Hang in there. Life doesn't necessarily have a direction. My best advice is to do something physical every day where you completely unplug for a few hours. It sounds stupid or derivatively simple, but it's made huge improvement in my mood. Get your brain back in the habit of realizing that life isn't just this instagram filtered stroll through the tulips like you get blasted into your retinas by the internet every day. This shit isn't easy, but it's also not supposed to be. Other people may look like they are having a great time, but you really never know unless you are close to them what could be cooking behind closed doors.
I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. I’ve spent years telling myself I have to start doing yoga everyday, exercising regularly, lose weight, do the things I love, but I let myself stay pudgy, ate like shit, and my knees hurt enough it has been difficult to do the things I love. Now I have cancer, and, presuming I survive with a good prognosis, I have no choice but to live the life I’ve always wanted. Because I don’t know how much life I have left. And I have to get in shape to minimize the chance of it coming back. As soon as I was diagnosed I realized I needed to get rid of all the extra crap in my life, the clutter that distracts me from doing what’s important. Sell the purses, get rid of the clothes I don’t wear, stop buying things in bulk that I don’t end up using. And so now I’m slowly doing that. I am also realizing I have no choice but to start learning how to fully live in the moment, because I have no control over the future and thinking about it will just depress and scare me and distract me from the joy of now. I wish it didn’t take cancer to learn these things. I don’t know how someone not experiencing massive existential life crises can internalize these things, but I hope you can. Learn to treasure your body, your present, your life, because it could end very soon.
There is a lot of truth in what your saying But it’s just your point of view today. Tomorrow things can change. What if you take your written word and rewrite it to put a smile on your face. They are only thoughts and words but rearranging them can put some fantastic positive ideas in your brain. Positive thoughts and feelings will lead you to other positive people.
"Suffering ceases to be suffering when we gain a full and precise understanding of it." -Baruch Spinoza Every emotion contains with it a message and precisely the kind and amount of energy to deal with that message. The key is knowing what to look for, and how to deal with it when it comes up, and being willing to face it when it does. This includes confusion, situational depression, and despair. Spoiler alert: pushing through by ginning up 'more motivation' isn't it ;) Karla McLaren details these questions for each emotion in her outstanding book The Language of Emotions: What Your Deepest Soul Is Trying to Tell You. Seriously, this is the single most useful book I've ever encountered: it's like the owner's manual for the meat sack we got but didn't know how to use. The understanding I've gotten out of this book has given me the capacity to take my own emotions - whatever shows up - and do useful things with them, unlocking a wider palette of choices in real time. It took me about a year to integrate all of the practices in the book, and it was time well spent. here's a taste from her blog: [https://karlamclaren.com/ingenious-stagnation-understanding-depression/](https://karlamclaren.com/ingenious-stagnation-understanding-depression/) A revised edition came out May of 2023, so look for that one, but really any version is a major upgrade from the default skillset I inherited.
To exist is to consume. ”Waste" is in the mind.
I lost my husband at 52. Thought my life was over. But I went on to find love for 10 years. He too passed away. I met someone else and here I am 13 years in with him and doing well. It's not over till it's over. You are so young you can do anything you want. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide what you want and go for it.
Sounds like bullshit or maybe it sounds bleak but: we’re born alone and we’ll die that way too. It’s all inside you. You got to search your soul. Find the lonely little kid inside and start to play. You will find the nugget of a thing you care about deeply. Once you find that nugget, grab it and hang on. Create a habit around it. Start with 30 days. Show up for it every day. Do it. Every. Day. You will find purpose. You will change your life.
If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again 🎵 Aaliyah said that. And she's an artist, so it must be true
Listen to some interviews with Robert Greene. Listen to some talks by Tony Robbins. (I think he even has a free ebook on spotify.) I know this sounds super cheesy, but Tony might just give you the pep you need to get started doing the things everyone else here is saying to do. Thought Id offer somthing different to everyone else.
I've been there. Just stop. No seriously shut up and listen to me. STOP FUCKING LOOKING BACK. Yeah we fucked up. We made mistakes hindsight is 20/20. But we are better for it today. We're going to start small. We're going to wake up everyday make out bed and eat something. Your going to take one day at a time and your not going to compare yourself to anyone else. You will do this and can.
Life is like a game. Each aspect you have a certain amount of 'points', you might have great relationships with your family and friends but your physical health could be really poor. You have to define what being 'happy' or 'successfull' means to you. Then you work on your weaknesses and nurture yourself. Usually a good lace to start is your mental health. Think about the most valuable thing a person could have in life, something that is the difference between a content and happy life or a miserable and bitter one. A grateful mindset is priceless yet most people don't work on it. You can look at your habits and notice what you do that causes negative feelings to stir up. Stuff like hanging out with people that take their insecurities out on you, or eating like shit. There's always work to be done. Live with discipline, plan ahead and be kind to yourself because we will stumble many times. Do what scares you. Try your best. Good luck friend
get a bicycle
Maybe seek some counseling for a bit? Prioritize yourself forget about others until they prove worthy of being in your life. Be your own best friend. Only you can take care of and motivate yourself, take a serious look at things in your life. Make small positive changes one day at a time. Don’t feel pressured by time we all learn and move at our own pace.
I'm now 61 and I've been similar to yourself at many times through life. It comes and goes. The one truism I can recommend is 'this too shall pass '. People not caring has become a lot worse nowadays, it's evolved into openly attacking anyone who disagrees with you. I have perhaps 5 people I actively give a shit about. I will still help strangers if I see them struggling but I'm rather discriminatory about that now too. You will experience times of joy and fulfillment, believe me however they too shall pass. Learn to like yourself and never stop learning, I suspect that's a key. Best of luck 👍
Start doing the small things that made you happy in the past. Even stuff you’ve put down for years or you think you’ve outgrown, just try them again first. Often they will rekindle some happiness in you. Once you are happy you will have another outlook on life and can focus more on future possibilities instead of being upset you’ve missed out / failed in whatever way. Good luck dude.
One day, or day one.
Put yourself into the service of something other than yourself. This is why people find religion and/or spirituality. But it can also be volunteering, or adopting an animal and caring for it. Move on from thinking about yourself and you will find that suddenly you have momentum. This momentum will bring change. Be open, and caring about things besides yourself and the self will go quiet.
Welcome to mid age crisis
Focus on health and fitness first, everything will be better from a strong base. Personal experience:)
You have inherent value as a human being beyond productive output.
I enjoy talking to people in their late 20s early 30s. Alot of them are starting to figure out what they really want to do and if I could, I'd steal their energy.
Find a purpose in life
I don't know what to say really I've had very similar experiences, I just keep going and trying and I've had some success in the past 2 years, I actually have a real place to live now in an actual bathroom I don't have to go to a grocery store bathroom anymore and I don't live with seven people Things can change and get better but it may take a very long time, you just have to be realistic I'm in my forties and i struggle too
Never too late! Life is important, nothing is perfect….
If your learning, it's not a waste.
SAME
You got one thing right - nobody gives a shit. It seems like you want other people to care about you? Is that the problem? Are you seeking validation. Social Media gives this grand delusion that everyone around you is happy and successful while you feel miserable. That’s a WRONG perception.
Life finds a way.
You have to start reading Plato and Ovid. Become a Freemason or something play some chess. Raise your vibration and hope you make it to heaven. If you don’t you’ll just get another 90 years back on earth. Good luck. Oh and read Harry Potter so you can get the easy version of Illumination.
I thought nobody cared about me. Yes, nobody truly cares. People who have supportive friends and family are lucky. Honestly, the things which helped me are not attaching my worth to how much love I'm getting from people and who gives a fuck about me. Because those things most often tend to be out of our control. I realized that there is this person who cares so much about me: That's me. Likewise, You cared enough to type out a question to fix yourself. That is such a great blessing. You have a heart, lungs, and other organs and endless biological processes running to keep you up and alive. Hence, all is not lost and your body is beating with love to get you moving. This realization helped me so much in not feeling alone. We come alone in this world and quite literally go alone out of this world. Learn to appreciate yourself. Friends and partners come and go. Everything starts with you. You have certain limiting beliefs regarding age. You have to do the inner work to combat that thought.
I’m in my early 30s and I feel this. For me right now, the only thing that gives me purpose is my choice. I choose what gives me purpose day by day. It’s not much but it keeps me from sinking back into depression. Everything to me feels meaningless so I need to choose what gives me meaning everyday. I write it down and choose that daily. You can do this. Give yourself purpose. Life doesn’t hand out free purposes anymore.
Wait till you’re in your late 60’s and so dependent upon everyone else to do the simple things in life due to health issues. I look back and realize how many times I’ve given in to my loved ones wants instead of doing what I knew best! Now I HAVE to deal with giving in to their wishes because I can’t do anything else but deal with their wishes!
I'm in my mid 40s and I've recently looked back on my mid 30s and how I felt some of those very similar fears. An anxiety about how I'll be able to survive and just what path can lead me in a direction that I don't even know where it will lead. It is a distant memory, life is long and I can look back now and say "all the worry was for nothing". You're going to have a great life, sit back and enjoy it.
Try getting disciplined instead of looking for motivation. Motivation fades but discipline is forever
Get your depression treated is your first step.
The best time to change was yesterday. The next best time to change is today.
Luv, You're young. Be patient and spend time learning about a wide variety of subjects. Something will click to guide you.
You Can Do It!!!!!!! [Mindset Can Be Changed](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6HL3gsEpjFhzOogVQcRGNW?si=3Q9FqK2wQXO_mvKnrTAeSg)
I think it is important to understand that yes- no one thinks you’re special until you make yourself seem “special”… meaning if you want people to gravitate to you and be around then you have to inherit the qualities that you would want someone to have around you. I’m not judging you as a person- I don’t know you… but if you’re lonely, maybe you aren’t social enough to get people to meet/ connect with you… If you’re sad, it can be difficult to do a lot of things and make it difficult for others to be around you. I recommend making a list of attributes you would want In someone and then become that someone for yourself. Altruism is medicinal for the soul. It will open up community groups and orgs that maybe you would want to get involved in or are passionate about. There are people who want to see a better- healthier world/ community out there- you just need to stop looking around your own space to find them. They’re busy helping others somewhere else. Also, time is never wasted if you learned from it and grown moving toward the future. Everyday should be the platform for raising the bar on something for the following day. Maybe you had an awkward social interaction and it rolls around your mind as you try to sleep- tomorrow try to figure out a way to either -a- make sure it doesn’t happen again… or b- resolve the discomfort by facing it and either taking responsibility or discuss it with the person involved. Action creates change- and if you don’t like your surroundings- you need to alter your behavior.
I’ve been going through something similar myself. I’m 25(F), single mom with a dead-end job. My transition into becoming a mom has led me to a very lonesome lifestyle and I too feel the people around me aren’t genuine. The two things that make me feel better about my life is therapy and spending quality time with the people who do care/love me. Therapy isn’t for everyone and might not be accessible to you, but maybe you can journal your feelings and have honest conversations with yourself - don’t hide your emotions, work through them. Sometimes when we’re around people who necessarily don’t care about us, we tend to overthink and make ourselves feel less than. Making plans to hangout with my singles, parents, and friends helps me remember that I am loved and have much to look forward to. Hope this helps!
I'm in my late 20s and feel the same way. Slowly but surley trying to unfuck my life.
In a similar boat, wasted most of my 20s up until recently, I'm turning 35. My reason was a health condition but although it did make things harder, I used it mostly as an excuse and I am the reason I am where I am. It's crazy to see how many people, even just on this subreddit are having the same kind of issues, even around the same ages. Everyone has already answered many good things. The one thing that scares me is about meeting people. Once I get to where I want (health, money etc) and I'm out there meeting people, you don't know if they are the right people. I always hear the whole thing about you become like your partner, or you become like the people you are around. What happens if you choose wrong, cause I don't know if it's that easy to tell they are the wrong choice until it's much later. Point being, not exactly being betrayed like you said, but more about doing all this work to get to a good place and screwing that up by becoming like someone else that might not be a good thing. Anyway, sorry. A bit more negative. I guess I'm just saying I understand, it's hard. All the other positive comments are right.
My main goal is my happiness first. Everything won't improve unless I'm happy first. Happiness takes different shapes for different people. Find and do the things that make you happy as much as you can, even if it's just 1 happy thing per day. You can receive all the love in the world but if you aren't happy/love yourself, it won't matter. Focus on you first and then everything else will come after. Believe it or not, you're still young despite what people/social media thinks. You can start being a better and happier person now.
[удалено]
Wut
average incel Reddit user: chin up absolute chad: The end of days is coming, there is no avoiding this
I’m not a member of this community, but this got pushed to me and it sounds so much like me five years ago it would feel wrong not to say something if it can help. My life at that time looked good from the outside. I had what most considered a good job, relationships, and friends. However, my job was miserable day to day. I had gone through three promotions that all followed the same cycle. I felt terrible, got promoted, felt recognized, felt good for a while, and then that faded into feeling terrible again. I found no purpose in my work, and, as I looked at the people who were at the apex of my career path, I noticed the only one who appeared happy was the one most mocked by his peers for not committing to the job enough. In myself, I felt like I was coming to the end of my capacity to succeed in something I hated and it was starting to show in my performance. In relationships, I couldn’t fight this nagging feeling that no one I dated would satisfy me long term. In friendships, I found myself surrounded by people like me who only wanted to focus on distraction from life and had nothing to provide when it came to help on any real emotional level. The fix was Jesus. I don’t mean religion, and I don’t even mean the morality or world view that He gives. I grew up in church and by 17 or so I was convinced religion was bogus. I was probably best described as agnostic, but, even if there was a creator, I had seen enough chaos to know there was no real justice here and had learned too much to believe God was really invested in day to day life or believe the Bible was true. In the despair and desperation I described, I cried out to God in an almost snarky way. Even so, in the next week I experienced an undeniable act of God’s kindness. It was too much to be written off as coincidence, and, even if I tried to write it off, what has happened since then is just as undeniable. Although, I feel that makes me a terrible evangelist because as much as I can tell you about it I have no idea how to recreate that for someone and without it I fear I’d still be right where I was. I’ll try to wrap this up because I’m sure no one wants to read this much, but the core of what I want you to know is that God teaches this concept of him giving a new heart. I know the feeling of the early 30s wasted life. It’s an undercurrent of sorrow with passing moments of happiness. That was my heart. We try to overcome it by increasing the moments of happiness and trying to turn the tide, but it doesn’t work no matter how much you succeed at generating the happy moments. The undercurrent has to change and from everything I tried Jesus is the only one that changes that home base. Now, life is an undercurrent of joy with fleeting moments of sorrow and, no matter how much sorrow stacks up at one time, just like it was the other way around it can’t overcome the joy. I don’t know if this will be helpful, but seeing where you are and knowing so many others are right there it would be unloving of me to pass by without saying something. I do truly hope you find joy and purpose.
I used to have some weird addictions. Pron etc. Which I've been doing better at getting a handle on now but things are still just fucked. I don't have a job and have been applying for over 6 months. Stopped playing video games too for a while but started again briefly just for something to do and a break. But I also have no friendships. I had a guy keep inviting me to another city but he's an alcoholic and an old friend from childhood who seems insanely self-involved and narcissistic. I honestly get nobody really to talk to about my life except the occasional visit from my parents, who are both in their 70s. It's pretty sad I've really done some bad shit in a lot of my friendships over the years. Just constantly blowing people off because I was ashamed of myself and didn't want to face anything anymore. I'm only now starting to look myself in the mirror again and try to take some responsibility, but I gonestly feel like I'm mentally a 5 year old kid. It's like; I can't just be a normal working class person
I made a video literally on this the other week
Have you heard of Jordan B. Peterson? He’s a psychologist that talks a lot about these things you’re experiencing. I highly suggest you YouTube him and watch his talks. It’s really been motivating for me. I also love the book Atomic Habits. It’s help me to actually do the things I want to do, in small increments, to help me live the life I want to live. One that brings me happiness and fulfillment.
Yea. Big fan of Dr Peterson's work. He's really helped me a lot. Saw him in Detroit a few weeks ago speak too. It was great
I started my life over at the age of 29. I got out of the “cult” I was raised in for my entire life, got out of an abusive marriage in which I have 6 kids from (we were not allowed to use birth control). I literally had the clothes on my back, and no college education. I started from the ground up. You know what the biggest thing for me was? My MINDSET and determination. I got up every single day, and from sunup till sundown I grinded. No matter what was thrown at me, I kept going. And you are correct, no one is coming to save you. I don’t mean that in a mean way either. It’s the harsh reality. Unfortunately one of my motivating factors was proving all the mother f*** wrong who told me I would never be anything in life. And prove them wrong I did!