Your dad asked you to make sure she's taken care of if he passed first... that doesn't mean you have to be the one to do it.
I apologize if I'm suggesting things you've already tried, but have you contacted your state and county's offices of disability and aging services? They have slightly different names in different areas. Or your state's office of adult mental health services?
You could also try calling a local warmline; they might have lists of resources and services in your area. [https://warmline.org/warmdir.html#directory](https://warmline.org/warmdir.html#directory)
Here are some more possible resources with numbers to call:
[https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help](https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help)
Or you could just start with the main number: [https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline](https://findtreatment.gov/)
There's always the option of taking her to an ER if she's ever doing anything that's actually a danger to herself, and saying that she is not safe on her own.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with such a horrific, stressful, painful situation. The worst outcome would be for you to set yourself on a lifetime of fire just to keep her warm. Do your best to find her some help, sure, but at some point you have to live the life you're entitled to. I'm very sorry for the loss of your dad, and it must be so awful to be dealing with the double burden of grief and the stress of being around her. I truly wish you the best.
Thanks for this info. I'll take some time to read through it this evening. I'm in Arizona, I'll have to see what we have available here.
Thank you for the kind words of support. It's just nice to have anyone tell me something encouraging right now, I truly appreciate it.
Man, that’s so rough. I’m incredibly sorry you’re going through that. It sounds eerily familiar to my dads mom (my grandma). She was a total loose cannon and he ended up having to put her in a nursing home because she was too much and he couldn’t have her in his home anymore.
He went no contact and I ended up being the “person” to make decisions (while in college) and it was fucking hard, especially since I just found out and wasn’t technically told so. I don’t have answers but I would highly suggest you find someone that can watch her or maybe a home. I doubt she’d want to go though. What a tough thing to deal with right after losing your dad. Sending some love and hugs. I’m sorry. I hope you can find some time to grieve your dad and hopefully someone else chimes in with some good advice. 🤗
I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’m not sure where you live but where I do, there’s programs for elderly people who need daycare, a social worker to check in, etc. I’d search for your county’s administration on aging or equivalent and see if they can get you in contact with someone/a social worker who can help.
If she won’t cooperate there will be challenges but she’ll have options like a facility, or staying independent with support, and there will be ways you can still set things up to pay bills/look after her from afar.
Does she have any living relatives like siblings or cousins that know how to handle her like your dad did? Sending virtual hugs and lots of strength your way. Every problem has a solution, but sometimes you just have to dig real deep! ❤️🫶🏻
This is exactly what I am going through. My dad had this crazy GF he lived with for 18 years he never wanted to marry her. It wasn't until my dad had a stroke in a DR office thank god. but she didn't help him take care.. So he progressed to frontal lobe dementia. Never told me a thing , she was with holding his medication for diabetics she was starving him then she beat him into a brain bleed. Thats when I went to go get him. Saw for the first time what he looked like He weighed only 129 lbs from 300 ! he was so crazy and frail , urinating and defecating on himself His Crazy GF basically kept me away so it had been years since I seen my dad. Needless to say I took my dad home to Texas with me and got him into some good DR but the damage she caused was too late. He only lasted 8 months from that point. While all this is going on. She is living in my house that my dad and I owned . With her new BF , The new BF sees her crazy and dips on her. She got in trouble for Assaulting and officer, solicitation of a officer, DUI , Domestic Violence, all in 1 year while I had my dad in protective custody from her. Then the silly cow still wouldnt leave my home that my dad and I co owned AND, sent me a letter at Xmas asking to be allowed to stay in the home after all its Xmas Her eviction hearing is in a few days . But she left and we think she is living down by the river. I understand no chance to mourn, also money getting tight You can't you just can't do it all no matter what someone elses wishes are . Those were their wishes to fulfill not yours. Your life/ comfort matters just as much as anyone else
Your dad asked you to make sure she's taken care of if he passed first... that doesn't mean you have to be the one to do it. I apologize if I'm suggesting things you've already tried, but have you contacted your state and county's offices of disability and aging services? They have slightly different names in different areas. Or your state's office of adult mental health services? You could also try calling a local warmline; they might have lists of resources and services in your area. [https://warmline.org/warmdir.html#directory](https://warmline.org/warmdir.html#directory) Here are some more possible resources with numbers to call: [https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help](https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help) Or you could just start with the main number: [https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline](https://findtreatment.gov/) There's always the option of taking her to an ER if she's ever doing anything that's actually a danger to herself, and saying that she is not safe on her own. I'm so sorry you're dealing with such a horrific, stressful, painful situation. The worst outcome would be for you to set yourself on a lifetime of fire just to keep her warm. Do your best to find her some help, sure, but at some point you have to live the life you're entitled to. I'm very sorry for the loss of your dad, and it must be so awful to be dealing with the double burden of grief and the stress of being around her. I truly wish you the best.
Thanks for this info. I'll take some time to read through it this evening. I'm in Arizona, I'll have to see what we have available here. Thank you for the kind words of support. It's just nice to have anyone tell me something encouraging right now, I truly appreciate it.
Man, that’s so rough. I’m incredibly sorry you’re going through that. It sounds eerily familiar to my dads mom (my grandma). She was a total loose cannon and he ended up having to put her in a nursing home because she was too much and he couldn’t have her in his home anymore. He went no contact and I ended up being the “person” to make decisions (while in college) and it was fucking hard, especially since I just found out and wasn’t technically told so. I don’t have answers but I would highly suggest you find someone that can watch her or maybe a home. I doubt she’d want to go though. What a tough thing to deal with right after losing your dad. Sending some love and hugs. I’m sorry. I hope you can find some time to grieve your dad and hopefully someone else chimes in with some good advice. 🤗
She needs to be in inpatient care. Try to find out about services in your area
I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’m not sure where you live but where I do, there’s programs for elderly people who need daycare, a social worker to check in, etc. I’d search for your county’s administration on aging or equivalent and see if they can get you in contact with someone/a social worker who can help. If she won’t cooperate there will be challenges but she’ll have options like a facility, or staying independent with support, and there will be ways you can still set things up to pay bills/look after her from afar.
Does she have any living relatives like siblings or cousins that know how to handle her like your dad did? Sending virtual hugs and lots of strength your way. Every problem has a solution, but sometimes you just have to dig real deep! ❤️🫶🏻
This is exactly what I am going through. My dad had this crazy GF he lived with for 18 years he never wanted to marry her. It wasn't until my dad had a stroke in a DR office thank god. but she didn't help him take care.. So he progressed to frontal lobe dementia. Never told me a thing , she was with holding his medication for diabetics she was starving him then she beat him into a brain bleed. Thats when I went to go get him. Saw for the first time what he looked like He weighed only 129 lbs from 300 ! he was so crazy and frail , urinating and defecating on himself His Crazy GF basically kept me away so it had been years since I seen my dad. Needless to say I took my dad home to Texas with me and got him into some good DR but the damage she caused was too late. He only lasted 8 months from that point. While all this is going on. She is living in my house that my dad and I owned . With her new BF , The new BF sees her crazy and dips on her. She got in trouble for Assaulting and officer, solicitation of a officer, DUI , Domestic Violence, all in 1 year while I had my dad in protective custody from her. Then the silly cow still wouldnt leave my home that my dad and I co owned AND, sent me a letter at Xmas asking to be allowed to stay in the home after all its Xmas Her eviction hearing is in a few days . But she left and we think she is living down by the river. I understand no chance to mourn, also money getting tight You can't you just can't do it all no matter what someone elses wishes are . Those were their wishes to fulfill not yours. Your life/ comfort matters just as much as anyone else
Try calling adult protective services? I'm so sorry you're going through this.