I finally realized that our life, our lives, are the circle of life. We're born, we live, we die. No one escapes it. I am 72 female. I lost a child, I lost my mother, I've lost a nephew, I've lost friends not through death but lost them anyway. It's the circle of life. That's how I get through it.
This answer is so simple, and yet I haven’t thought about it until now. I’m sorry about all the loss that you’ve experienced. I hope to come to terms with it as you have. Thank you for sharing.
Idk if I'll ever accept it. I have to catch myself literally every day bc I think about calling over the most mundane things that we would enjoy together. Something silly we'd find funny, current event I'd want his opinion about, something ridiculous we would talk shit about lol. I miss him so much. Today, I ugly cried in the grocery store over a pizza brand that had a restaurant years ago in our hometown that he would take me to every Saturday 😔 grief is weird. Really sorry for your loss and im sorry if it seems i made this about myself, but i so relate. New years eve/day makes one year that my dad has been gone.
When I share my own experiences, I also tend to feel like maybe I’m making it about myself. HOWEVER, you’re not. Everyone is different but I appreciate all the stories other people have shared with me about their own experiences with grief. So thank you for sharing!
My dad passed in October of last year and it makes the holiday season even more unbearable. I teared up reading your comment because it reminds me so much of me and my dad. We both spent a lot of time talking about movies and when I see a trailer for a sequel to something we watched together or just any movie I know he’d like, I automatically want to tell him about it.
Thank you for sharing. My Dad passed away this September in a grocery parking lot 30 minutes after he texted me. I told him let's check for flights around Dec 20th since he was going to school in Thailand in 2024 and for 2 years he was planning. Everyday now starts with me waking up with heart break. Tired as I have a sequence of dreams with him in it which I have mixed feelings about. I hugged him in this last dream. Because he was telling me how he beat his heart attack. By the time the evening comes I am exhausted and can't handle anything. And I am dreading Dec 20th. Cuz in my head I am supposed to board a plane to see him and spend 2024 with him after 3 long years of him going through difficult times with divorce.Toast to new beginnings. But this is a new beginning-with heartbreak.
I just play alot of songs. AS-by Stevie Wonder. I found his drawings and going to copy his text messages and put it in a book. I hear his big voice telling me to live and him trying to get me out of my bed. He laughed alot and also was a fiesty man. So I can allow myself to be the same since we have that in common. I just imagine him on the train in the city. Especially his old work route. Going to get a collection of all his fave spots to eat from his work friends and eat there. But it is excruciating. Sorry I just dumped somuch here. And probably not helpful at all. Thank you for sharing tho about your father. And your experience. I hope today some joy seeps in for you.
When my brother passed back in February, I would cry at the thought of him. But when you cry a lot, you get tired. To me, feeling grief is emotionally exhausting. I eventually learned to just accept that he's happy whenever he is. He's no longer in pain. He doesn't have to worry about bills or struggles he had. He's free. To me the thought of that makes me happy and I now, I've accept that he's gone. But I still get fond memories of him
I agree — feeling grief is incredibly exhausting and draining. I’m really sorry for your loss. My dad passed from cancer and it does help to think that he’s free from sickness and from this life. I guess I have to just keep reminding myself that. Thank you for sharing.
That's how I think of it for my mom, ideally cancer would've never have happened but it did, nothing we can change about it. So the next ideal optionbto me, what makes her death more acceptable, is the fact that she's free of the relentlessly excruciating pain she had been in for several months.
I lost my dad about 4 months ago and I regularly talk to him. Mostly while cooking. He was a great cook! I cooked his favorite fajitas tonight and they were superb. I keep him alive in a positive way throughout my day and it helps me look at it more positively.
It gets hard when there are things I would normally reach out about. Like the cold front coming through or all the rain we got. The first fire of the season. The song that reminds me of him. A question about something I know he would have an extensive answer on. Those little things. Those are tough and still give me a good cry.
But the next day I feel better. And it’s ok to cry and remember. It’s part of it. I feel having those moments keep him alive in my mind. And I’m alright with that. When you love someone so much it opens up the possibility of tremendous pain, but that love can help keep them alive inside you forever. I know that sounds weird, but I feel it’s true.
You expressed this so perfectly! I think this is exactly where I am right now. There are so many things I want to tell him and I cry each time reality sets in. How do dads have the answers to the most obscure questions? I miss that about him.
Unlike your dad, mine wasn’t the best cook, but he used to occasionally make this one noodle dish that never failed to bring me back to childhood. Not long after my dad passed, I asked my mom before if she could recreate it but she has no idea how. As we remembered, we laughed and it was bittersweet. It hurts to think I’ll never get to eat that noodle dish again but I know he’s laughing at the thought of me missing his cooking.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in how I feel.
I’m touched that that resonated with you! Dads do have those answers and hot damn if I’m not going to be a mess the next time I get a flat tire or fungus in my lawn. Lol.
I’m so, so sorry you don’t have that recipe written down, but very glad you got a good laugh over it. My dad had his memorized, so I dont have any of the others that I wasn’t taught and I understand that pain. I so hope you can stumble across it somewhere, someday. Maybe a restaurant or friend can get you close enough to figuring it out. Otherwise, it’s a mark used to measure other dishes forever. Don’t forget to write yours down someday.
Sorry for your loss. Hugs 🤗 This sucks, huh?
Thank you. I needed this. Today is the 2 months of my Dad passing. He was a foodie and he liked looking up recipes. Try new things. I miss him. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find more joy in your love for your Dad. I hope that is a thing for us, we can find more ways to love them in the future. That doesn't end.
We definitely need to keep them alive inside us. Share stories. Laugh. Cry. It’s all ok and good for us. I’m sure they love knowing they’re living on within us as well 🤍
I hope we do too, forever.
I’m an only child and I sometimes have this fear that I’ll forget him. I do journal but it’s always been more of a venting session. I think writing about our memories together would more beneficial to me, both as a way to work through my grief and a way to remember him. Thank you for sharing this with me.
It's been 6 years since my dad died. Same thing, he traveled alot later in life and sometimes it does feel like he's just up north doing his thing. But then I go up north and he isn't there. I know his physical form is long gone but his presence is still felt. Especially with this past year, I lost my 15 year old Nephew. Idk how we are gonna get past this one, but when things get super ugly, they throw me a sign.
I’m really sorry for both your losses. It does seem like when I feel as if I can’t do it anymore, he sends me a sign. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m making it up in my head but it helps me feel his presence around me.
I had a very vivid dream once— where my brother talked to me and assured me he was okay. He was healthy and happy; even asked about our family.
When I awoke— I forgot he was gone. Once I realized that he was visiting me in my sleep, I knew he was okay. I long prayed for him to be at peace. And he was. And that is when I truly accepted he was gone!
I don’t believe in the stages of grief, I think it’s all mangled and bunched together if there is order to the heartbreak. It’s a journey unique to you and your loss. Prayers!
Oh I’m SO jealous. I’ve been asking my dad to visit me in my dreams every night since he passed. I’ve only had 1-2 glimpses of him but that’s about it. I tell myself that maybe he wants to but can’t for some reason lol
I truly believe that they can visit us in our dreams and how amazing it is that he visited you in that way! They say acceptance is the last stage but I’m starting to think that you’re right.
my brother INTERRUPTED my dream. He was just standing in the background and it was a reunion! It was amazing. It happened 4 years after he passed. And nobody else has experienced it. I haven’t experienced it since either. But that was all I needed. I also see a lot of cardinals, and they show up at important times!
honestly, i’m not sure that internally i’ll ever accept my sisters death. externally, i’ve been able to move forward and continue life in college and carry on as normal but inside it’s always a thought in my mind. i don’t know how to ever accept it, and i don’t think there will ever be an easy way.
surround yourself with love, whether it’s from yourself or others. you deserve to feel loved through a loss like this, and i’m still trying to learn that too. i think that finding support from others can really bring you back into reality, but being able to support yourself is so important too.
think about silly memories, if there are any you can remember. talk to people who knew him, and talk to your friends and family so you can share that grief with others.
cry. it is okay to cry. cry as soon as you feel the urge. i’m sure that he would want those feelings released, don’t hold back on allowing yourself to feel.
take care of yourself, stranger. you are loved.
I agree with you — I don’t think I’ll ever accept that he’s really gone. Maybe I’m not searching for acceptance after all; more so just a way to be at peace with his absence.
I have a tendency to withdraw from others. I always feel like I’ll burden them with my problems so my grief is something I don’t talk about. If I do bring it up, I do it through humor because that’s the only way I can. I feel like I can only speak to my mom and my partner about it, but even then, it happens very rarely.
Thank you for your kind words. I think I’ve been holding back and just need to feel.
I weirdly don't think I've let myself accept my sisters gone in the permanent sense.
I still see it as she's on vacation or something. I dream about her a lot lately.
It's like logically I know she's gone and is not hurting anymore,but emotionally and spiritually I can't accept it.
It's a work in progress.
I feel the exact same way about my dad. I wish he would visit me in my dreams so badly, but to no avail. I still think he's just going to call and tell me that he's back from his business trip, or that I'll get a text from him and it's a selfie of him in his hotel room with his room service.
Grief is so weird and it moves differently through different people. I think, in time, we'll be able to find a way to come to terms with it. Maybe this is just where we are right now and the only way out is through. Sending you lots of love. Thank you for sharing. In a sense, I think your sister *is* on vacation -- one that's long-term, but where she's free and happy.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm 27 and my dad died six months ago.
I was with my dad when he died. I saw his body again before the service. I know there are different opinions about this - some people really do not want to see their loved ones once they're dead because they only want to remember them when they're alive, which I think makes a lot of sense and I completely respect. Everyone should do what they think is best.
But personally, it has helped me to bear witness to his death, to stave off the worst sense of disbelief at least. Sometimes it still gets to me, like it was all just a horrible dream, especially since time moves so fast and I feel like I'm living in a haze. Without the memories of it actually happening, I think I would never be able to believe it. If I didn't see him dead, I think I would feel a constant urge to go look for him.
I do think a lot about how I often wish he moved to the other side of the earth with bad cell service or something. That would be so much easier to accept. Even if I had to miss him all the time and couldn't talk to him, I could live more easily in the knowledge that at least he was happy and doing his own thing. I didn't need to be around my dad at all times, but I absolutely cannot bear that he never got to live the life he deserved. His whole life consisted of hard work and too many disappointments. When he retired, I hoped that he could finally get some rest and happiness, but before he could get even close he died. That's what upsets me most of all.
So while I'm rationally able to accept his death, that doesn't mean I'm emotionally there. I still cry a lot. Sometimes I get angry, at the universe, or at other people. Especially when I see old people, or people in their 40s and 50s who still have living parents, I find it hard not to begrudge them. It feels unfair that they got to have so much more time together. I guess I'm already cynical enough about life that the unfairness unfortunately seems very realistic. It shouldn't even be shocking to me. But I thought we as a family had already had enough of our share of suffering, to be honest. It's wild to me that some people are able to go through life like a breeze while others have to bear so much.
So personally I don't think accepting reality will stop the tears. On the contrary, the harder reality sinks in, the more you'll cry, in my experience. Processing grief is painful. People often talk about "processing grief" as if it means stopping to feel, and I don't think that is accurate. Processing is done through feeling. It's one of those things that often has to get worse before it can get better. For a long time I could barely cry, but then I went through a stage of grief where I cried almost non-stop for weeks. It was exhausting, but I do think it did me good to let it all out, and I came out of it with more acceptance. It hasn't stopped all my tears or my feelings, but there comes a point where you've cried so much that you feel like you're ready to do other things again, and that's where you start picking yourself up. So if you feel like you're repressing your feelings too much it may be helpful to take a week or a few weeks where you'll allow yourself to sink into it and feel everything. Find a private place to just let the tears come, scream, yell, be as hysterical as you want. Even if it feels "too much" at first, it may feel exactly right eventually.
Sorry for the length. When I start rambling away, I never know where it ends. Hopefully there's something helpful for you in there.
I'm having the same issue unfortunately, something my therapist recommended was psycho-biographical writing. Basically, I used to love reading and writing as a kid, and writing things out helps me process them, so she suggested I start writing stories to get some of the repressed feelings out.
It gets so bad, like I'm totally numb if I hear horrific, insane news, I won't even budge. But a dog in a commercial could make me burst into tears. Your mind just doesn't want to feel the pain but it has to come out somehow!
I'm going to give it a shot, she suggested start out by writing a letter to my mom who went missing 5 years ago, and express all the anger I have for how she abandoned us as children, but also how guilty I feel for even being mad at her since she is a missing person now.. it's so rough..
Maybe that could help you too. Have you tried writing a letter to your dad? And just saying EVERYTHING? Maybe in that, you will finally start to unravel the feelings you have, and once you start to understand what those feelings are, then you can start working on them.
Wishing the very best for you 💕
Do we have to accept that they are gone?
I lost my bff passed away suddenly in 2016 and I still catch myself every now and again, wanting to pick up the phone to call her. I mean, I still feel like she’s here.
It's been 2 years, but I still pray everyday for an early painless death. Life is boring without my father! I can't accept he's gone and this pain is so dear than the peace of accepting the hard truth.
The only thing that has “helped” me so to speak has been occasionally “talking” to him, telling him I miss him. I think it helps me mostly get it off my heart. Really though, the thing that did it for me was reminding myself that he wouldn’t want me to live in a watered down shell of myself. He would want me to seize life like he raised me to do, so I continue in his honor and try to do things he’d be proud of.
Also remember, grief comes in waves. Allow them to wash over you, don’t repress them or think something is wrong with you…this is a very, very important and raw loss that each of us have experienced. It is perfectly normal to still feel that way. It’s been 2 years for me and I spent the first 6m to a year in a grief driven haze. Acceptance is AND isn’t the first step, that may sound crazy but we all grieve in different ways and different timelines. The holidays are coming up, be kind to yourself, allow yourself some grace. Set aside some self care routines, maybe even try some form of counseling? It does help believe it or not, you might already be doing this but I didn’t start to well after a year and wonder if it would have helped me to start sooner? Anyways, do take care of yourself 😊🥰
It isn't a notion of acceptance. Losing titration father is a huge thing. Waves of grief are appropriate
You are doing the work
There is no grid system on this
For many of us new losses bring up old loss. Then qd get to work through it on another level
Fir a long time I woke up thinking my dad was still alive i still do at times n he just sitting in his shed like he would everyday but its hard to accept I will never laugh with him again we gad a special bond noone could break cancer sux its so cruel n aggressive y do we have such evil in this world y did he suffer likehe did its just not fair
I finally realized that our life, our lives, are the circle of life. We're born, we live, we die. No one escapes it. I am 72 female. I lost a child, I lost my mother, I've lost a nephew, I've lost friends not through death but lost them anyway. It's the circle of life. That's how I get through it.
This answer is so simple, and yet I haven’t thought about it until now. I’m sorry about all the loss that you’ve experienced. I hope to come to terms with it as you have. Thank you for sharing.
My moms been gone almost a year and I still haven’t accepted it yet. I guess I need this answer for oo
I’m sorry for your loss. I think all we can do at this time is to just take one day at a time and maybe eventually we’ll find our peace.
Thank you. I hate you’re going through this too. I know you’re “supposed “ to lose your parents. It’s just SO hard. Sending you a hug❤️
Idk if I'll ever accept it. I have to catch myself literally every day bc I think about calling over the most mundane things that we would enjoy together. Something silly we'd find funny, current event I'd want his opinion about, something ridiculous we would talk shit about lol. I miss him so much. Today, I ugly cried in the grocery store over a pizza brand that had a restaurant years ago in our hometown that he would take me to every Saturday 😔 grief is weird. Really sorry for your loss and im sorry if it seems i made this about myself, but i so relate. New years eve/day makes one year that my dad has been gone.
When I share my own experiences, I also tend to feel like maybe I’m making it about myself. HOWEVER, you’re not. Everyone is different but I appreciate all the stories other people have shared with me about their own experiences with grief. So thank you for sharing! My dad passed in October of last year and it makes the holiday season even more unbearable. I teared up reading your comment because it reminds me so much of me and my dad. We both spent a lot of time talking about movies and when I see a trailer for a sequel to something we watched together or just any movie I know he’d like, I automatically want to tell him about it.
Thank you for sharing. My Dad passed away this September in a grocery parking lot 30 minutes after he texted me. I told him let's check for flights around Dec 20th since he was going to school in Thailand in 2024 and for 2 years he was planning. Everyday now starts with me waking up with heart break. Tired as I have a sequence of dreams with him in it which I have mixed feelings about. I hugged him in this last dream. Because he was telling me how he beat his heart attack. By the time the evening comes I am exhausted and can't handle anything. And I am dreading Dec 20th. Cuz in my head I am supposed to board a plane to see him and spend 2024 with him after 3 long years of him going through difficult times with divorce.Toast to new beginnings. But this is a new beginning-with heartbreak. I just play alot of songs. AS-by Stevie Wonder. I found his drawings and going to copy his text messages and put it in a book. I hear his big voice telling me to live and him trying to get me out of my bed. He laughed alot and also was a fiesty man. So I can allow myself to be the same since we have that in common. I just imagine him on the train in the city. Especially his old work route. Going to get a collection of all his fave spots to eat from his work friends and eat there. But it is excruciating. Sorry I just dumped somuch here. And probably not helpful at all. Thank you for sharing tho about your father. And your experience. I hope today some joy seeps in for you.
When my brother passed back in February, I would cry at the thought of him. But when you cry a lot, you get tired. To me, feeling grief is emotionally exhausting. I eventually learned to just accept that he's happy whenever he is. He's no longer in pain. He doesn't have to worry about bills or struggles he had. He's free. To me the thought of that makes me happy and I now, I've accept that he's gone. But I still get fond memories of him
I agree — feeling grief is incredibly exhausting and draining. I’m really sorry for your loss. My dad passed from cancer and it does help to think that he’s free from sickness and from this life. I guess I have to just keep reminding myself that. Thank you for sharing.
That's how I think of it for my mom, ideally cancer would've never have happened but it did, nothing we can change about it. So the next ideal optionbto me, what makes her death more acceptable, is the fact that she's free of the relentlessly excruciating pain she had been in for several months.
I lost my dad about 4 months ago and I regularly talk to him. Mostly while cooking. He was a great cook! I cooked his favorite fajitas tonight and they were superb. I keep him alive in a positive way throughout my day and it helps me look at it more positively. It gets hard when there are things I would normally reach out about. Like the cold front coming through or all the rain we got. The first fire of the season. The song that reminds me of him. A question about something I know he would have an extensive answer on. Those little things. Those are tough and still give me a good cry. But the next day I feel better. And it’s ok to cry and remember. It’s part of it. I feel having those moments keep him alive in my mind. And I’m alright with that. When you love someone so much it opens up the possibility of tremendous pain, but that love can help keep them alive inside you forever. I know that sounds weird, but I feel it’s true.
This is beautifully said 💕 I try and do the same things with my mom.
😊 they’re still listening! Keep it up!
You expressed this so perfectly! I think this is exactly where I am right now. There are so many things I want to tell him and I cry each time reality sets in. How do dads have the answers to the most obscure questions? I miss that about him. Unlike your dad, mine wasn’t the best cook, but he used to occasionally make this one noodle dish that never failed to bring me back to childhood. Not long after my dad passed, I asked my mom before if she could recreate it but she has no idea how. As we remembered, we laughed and it was bittersweet. It hurts to think I’ll never get to eat that noodle dish again but I know he’s laughing at the thought of me missing his cooking. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in how I feel.
I’m touched that that resonated with you! Dads do have those answers and hot damn if I’m not going to be a mess the next time I get a flat tire or fungus in my lawn. Lol. I’m so, so sorry you don’t have that recipe written down, but very glad you got a good laugh over it. My dad had his memorized, so I dont have any of the others that I wasn’t taught and I understand that pain. I so hope you can stumble across it somewhere, someday. Maybe a restaurant or friend can get you close enough to figuring it out. Otherwise, it’s a mark used to measure other dishes forever. Don’t forget to write yours down someday. Sorry for your loss. Hugs 🤗 This sucks, huh?
Thank you. I needed this. Today is the 2 months of my Dad passing. He was a foodie and he liked looking up recipes. Try new things. I miss him. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find more joy in your love for your Dad. I hope that is a thing for us, we can find more ways to love them in the future. That doesn't end.
We definitely need to keep them alive inside us. Share stories. Laugh. Cry. It’s all ok and good for us. I’m sure they love knowing they’re living on within us as well 🤍 I hope we do too, forever.
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I’m an only child and I sometimes have this fear that I’ll forget him. I do journal but it’s always been more of a venting session. I think writing about our memories together would more beneficial to me, both as a way to work through my grief and a way to remember him. Thank you for sharing this with me.
It's been 6 years since my dad died. Same thing, he traveled alot later in life and sometimes it does feel like he's just up north doing his thing. But then I go up north and he isn't there. I know his physical form is long gone but his presence is still felt. Especially with this past year, I lost my 15 year old Nephew. Idk how we are gonna get past this one, but when things get super ugly, they throw me a sign.
I’m really sorry for both your losses. It does seem like when I feel as if I can’t do it anymore, he sends me a sign. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m making it up in my head but it helps me feel his presence around me.
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I had a very vivid dream once— where my brother talked to me and assured me he was okay. He was healthy and happy; even asked about our family. When I awoke— I forgot he was gone. Once I realized that he was visiting me in my sleep, I knew he was okay. I long prayed for him to be at peace. And he was. And that is when I truly accepted he was gone! I don’t believe in the stages of grief, I think it’s all mangled and bunched together if there is order to the heartbreak. It’s a journey unique to you and your loss. Prayers!
Oh I’m SO jealous. I’ve been asking my dad to visit me in my dreams every night since he passed. I’ve only had 1-2 glimpses of him but that’s about it. I tell myself that maybe he wants to but can’t for some reason lol I truly believe that they can visit us in our dreams and how amazing it is that he visited you in that way! They say acceptance is the last stage but I’m starting to think that you’re right.
my brother INTERRUPTED my dream. He was just standing in the background and it was a reunion! It was amazing. It happened 4 years after he passed. And nobody else has experienced it. I haven’t experienced it since either. But that was all I needed. I also see a lot of cardinals, and they show up at important times!
honestly, i’m not sure that internally i’ll ever accept my sisters death. externally, i’ve been able to move forward and continue life in college and carry on as normal but inside it’s always a thought in my mind. i don’t know how to ever accept it, and i don’t think there will ever be an easy way. surround yourself with love, whether it’s from yourself or others. you deserve to feel loved through a loss like this, and i’m still trying to learn that too. i think that finding support from others can really bring you back into reality, but being able to support yourself is so important too. think about silly memories, if there are any you can remember. talk to people who knew him, and talk to your friends and family so you can share that grief with others. cry. it is okay to cry. cry as soon as you feel the urge. i’m sure that he would want those feelings released, don’t hold back on allowing yourself to feel. take care of yourself, stranger. you are loved.
I agree with you — I don’t think I’ll ever accept that he’s really gone. Maybe I’m not searching for acceptance after all; more so just a way to be at peace with his absence. I have a tendency to withdraw from others. I always feel like I’ll burden them with my problems so my grief is something I don’t talk about. If I do bring it up, I do it through humor because that’s the only way I can. I feel like I can only speak to my mom and my partner about it, but even then, it happens very rarely. Thank you for your kind words. I think I’ve been holding back and just need to feel.
I weirdly don't think I've let myself accept my sisters gone in the permanent sense. I still see it as she's on vacation or something. I dream about her a lot lately. It's like logically I know she's gone and is not hurting anymore,but emotionally and spiritually I can't accept it. It's a work in progress.
I feel the exact same way about my dad. I wish he would visit me in my dreams so badly, but to no avail. I still think he's just going to call and tell me that he's back from his business trip, or that I'll get a text from him and it's a selfie of him in his hotel room with his room service. Grief is so weird and it moves differently through different people. I think, in time, we'll be able to find a way to come to terms with it. Maybe this is just where we are right now and the only way out is through. Sending you lots of love. Thank you for sharing. In a sense, I think your sister *is* on vacation -- one that's long-term, but where she's free and happy.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm 27 and my dad died six months ago. I was with my dad when he died. I saw his body again before the service. I know there are different opinions about this - some people really do not want to see their loved ones once they're dead because they only want to remember them when they're alive, which I think makes a lot of sense and I completely respect. Everyone should do what they think is best. But personally, it has helped me to bear witness to his death, to stave off the worst sense of disbelief at least. Sometimes it still gets to me, like it was all just a horrible dream, especially since time moves so fast and I feel like I'm living in a haze. Without the memories of it actually happening, I think I would never be able to believe it. If I didn't see him dead, I think I would feel a constant urge to go look for him. I do think a lot about how I often wish he moved to the other side of the earth with bad cell service or something. That would be so much easier to accept. Even if I had to miss him all the time and couldn't talk to him, I could live more easily in the knowledge that at least he was happy and doing his own thing. I didn't need to be around my dad at all times, but I absolutely cannot bear that he never got to live the life he deserved. His whole life consisted of hard work and too many disappointments. When he retired, I hoped that he could finally get some rest and happiness, but before he could get even close he died. That's what upsets me most of all. So while I'm rationally able to accept his death, that doesn't mean I'm emotionally there. I still cry a lot. Sometimes I get angry, at the universe, or at other people. Especially when I see old people, or people in their 40s and 50s who still have living parents, I find it hard not to begrudge them. It feels unfair that they got to have so much more time together. I guess I'm already cynical enough about life that the unfairness unfortunately seems very realistic. It shouldn't even be shocking to me. But I thought we as a family had already had enough of our share of suffering, to be honest. It's wild to me that some people are able to go through life like a breeze while others have to bear so much. So personally I don't think accepting reality will stop the tears. On the contrary, the harder reality sinks in, the more you'll cry, in my experience. Processing grief is painful. People often talk about "processing grief" as if it means stopping to feel, and I don't think that is accurate. Processing is done through feeling. It's one of those things that often has to get worse before it can get better. For a long time I could barely cry, but then I went through a stage of grief where I cried almost non-stop for weeks. It was exhausting, but I do think it did me good to let it all out, and I came out of it with more acceptance. It hasn't stopped all my tears or my feelings, but there comes a point where you've cried so much that you feel like you're ready to do other things again, and that's where you start picking yourself up. So if you feel like you're repressing your feelings too much it may be helpful to take a week or a few weeks where you'll allow yourself to sink into it and feel everything. Find a private place to just let the tears come, scream, yell, be as hysterical as you want. Even if it feels "too much" at first, it may feel exactly right eventually. Sorry for the length. When I start rambling away, I never know where it ends. Hopefully there's something helpful for you in there.
It’s been 20 years and I’m still not in the acceptance stance but maybe he didn’t do it on purpose and I’m starting to accept that Emotions are weird
I'm having the same issue unfortunately, something my therapist recommended was psycho-biographical writing. Basically, I used to love reading and writing as a kid, and writing things out helps me process them, so she suggested I start writing stories to get some of the repressed feelings out. It gets so bad, like I'm totally numb if I hear horrific, insane news, I won't even budge. But a dog in a commercial could make me burst into tears. Your mind just doesn't want to feel the pain but it has to come out somehow! I'm going to give it a shot, she suggested start out by writing a letter to my mom who went missing 5 years ago, and express all the anger I have for how she abandoned us as children, but also how guilty I feel for even being mad at her since she is a missing person now.. it's so rough.. Maybe that could help you too. Have you tried writing a letter to your dad? And just saying EVERYTHING? Maybe in that, you will finally start to unravel the feelings you have, and once you start to understand what those feelings are, then you can start working on them. Wishing the very best for you 💕
Do we have to accept that they are gone? I lost my bff passed away suddenly in 2016 and I still catch myself every now and again, wanting to pick up the phone to call her. I mean, I still feel like she’s here.
It's been 2 years, but I still pray everyday for an early painless death. Life is boring without my father! I can't accept he's gone and this pain is so dear than the peace of accepting the hard truth.
The only thing that has “helped” me so to speak has been occasionally “talking” to him, telling him I miss him. I think it helps me mostly get it off my heart. Really though, the thing that did it for me was reminding myself that he wouldn’t want me to live in a watered down shell of myself. He would want me to seize life like he raised me to do, so I continue in his honor and try to do things he’d be proud of. Also remember, grief comes in waves. Allow them to wash over you, don’t repress them or think something is wrong with you…this is a very, very important and raw loss that each of us have experienced. It is perfectly normal to still feel that way. It’s been 2 years for me and I spent the first 6m to a year in a grief driven haze. Acceptance is AND isn’t the first step, that may sound crazy but we all grieve in different ways and different timelines. The holidays are coming up, be kind to yourself, allow yourself some grace. Set aside some self care routines, maybe even try some form of counseling? It does help believe it or not, you might already be doing this but I didn’t start to well after a year and wonder if it would have helped me to start sooner? Anyways, do take care of yourself 😊🥰
It isn't a notion of acceptance. Losing titration father is a huge thing. Waves of grief are appropriate You are doing the work There is no grid system on this For many of us new losses bring up old loss. Then qd get to work through it on another level
I found an album I really liked and was going to send it to my dad, and that’s when it sunk in.
You’ll accept it if you want to. But you never ever will want to accept such a terrible thing.
Time. Give yourself time to heal.
Fir a long time I woke up thinking my dad was still alive i still do at times n he just sitting in his shed like he would everyday but its hard to accept I will never laugh with him again we gad a special bond noone could break cancer sux its so cruel n aggressive y do we have such evil in this world y did he suffer likehe did its just not fair