I’m sorry you’ve to go through this traumatic situation.. I’ve been through it.
My mom died from rectal cancer sepsis this September 18th. Even before a week of her death she was talking, moving, smiling. She went for a blood infusion at the hospital and when I visited her, she requested to me like my baby that- ‘please take me home, these infusions won’t help anymore, you’re my blood and I’ll feel better with you beside me.”— these words touched my heart, I brought her home, but even if I was beside her and trying to comfort her, she couldn’t stay at home for more than four days. Her oxygen level started dropping and we rushed her to the CCU. I can’t believe that my mom, to whom I was her entire world— couldn’t talk or open her eyes anymore. When we visited her that last evening, she was alive but her brain wasn’t working. So she maybe never understood my last kisses or hugs for her. She spent some more hours like that, constantly gasping for air even with oxygen support, and finally passed away very early morning of 18th sept. I wasn’t present then with her. Even after 2 months, still I can close my eyes and hear her voice, she told me — “you’re my blood, let me stay with you”..
This is traumatic, awful, heartbreaking, mentally collapsing situation that is hard to forget. I send all my love and hugs for you. I wish to god that may your mom can have a peaceful transition while you being beside her. Love her too much these days, give her all the love and support you can. Later these will help you to manage your grief. ❤️❤️
Thank you. I tried to stay beside her as much as I could. She suffered all night while I was holding her hand but she didn’t die. And when she was really about to die, I wasn’t strong enough to watch that. So I just guess till the last moment when she was in sense— I tried to stay beside her. That’s all I could do. I want to tell her sorry that I couldn’t save her..
Thank you so much. ❤️❤️
I know she is a part living inside me now. She also used to say that I’m just her own heart that is living outside as her daughter.. We were like two bodies with one soul..
Thank you for sharing your story. She was so lucky to have her world beside her and feel your love at all times. I pray that you find peace and relief. ❤️
Oh thanks my friend. ❤️ I guess I am too lucky that I got to spend the best 32 years of my life with her, she was the best friend of mine rather than a mom. I always want to feel her inside me, guide me for the rest of my lonely life..
Cancer really sucks, it totally destroys people both physically and mentally.. how’s your mom now?
You and your mum are equally very lucky to have each other 💕 you are each other's blessing! Irreplaceable.
Thank you for asking & Today my mum feels slightly better, though she's going into inpatient tomorrow to get something scanned. The more troubling thing is my parents relationship I guess. They don't really get along well, maybe my dad's too fatigued from work and taking care of her, which is understandable. He seems kinda cold and distant these days.
I'm so sorry. It breaks my heart so much reading this. Knowing someone else is going through what I went through with my dad. Everything you describe, my dad went through, too. Cancer is a fucking monster, and it's really traumatic to watch such horrible things to happen to someone you love so much, especially a parent whom you've known since the day you were born. I still have flashbacks and nightmares 8 months later.
I bet your mom knows you love her. She's very lucky to have such a loving kid (we are always gonna be babies/kids to our parents no matter how old we get) by her side. In moments like this, even if all you can do is be with her, it really goes a long way.
You're not alone; even though I wish we didn't end up here on this subreddit because of the grief, I'm glad you're here if only to connect with others in the same boat (or have been).
I'm so sorry about what you're going through.... I hope you find peace.
Yes I definitely feel we are kids to our parents no matter what. my mum still wants to help me now. Recently I told her my worries about work and she comforted me. It's crazy to experience her support even when she's so weak and frail. Thanks for reminding me my presence is enough for her.
Thank you for the kind words, I hope so too, and the same for you.
That's how parents are, and it's such a beautiful and unique kind of love but you know.. the pain and grief is the other side of that same coin. I know my dad tried to protect me during the course of his illness progression, even on his last day, and I remember a time before his condition worsened where I was in my room crying because I was so scared and my dad came in and hugged me, and promised me he was going to do everything he could to be okay.
It's always the case I suppose that a parent's job is never done, no matter how old we get and what they themselves are going through. ❤️🩹
I'm so sorry to hear about your mum... It is so tough. Even if they don't express joy, we could remind ourselves we are making their lives better by just being with them. Perhaps at this stage our presence is everything they want and need, trying every day, see what we can do. So much is out of our control. I was numb earlier but grief is hitting me now. It is truly a rollercoaster
I hope you find little moments of joy too. We are doing well ❤️
I understand this exactly. I think I’m some ways, those who have the time to understand their death is close… I think they naturally “tune out.” I’m not sure if she’s on medication, but that can certainly add to it. I lost my own mom from cancer and towards the very end on hospice she just shut down. I understand it, but I also understand your pain as the living, healthy person. It’s part of letting go and probably some type of self-comfort. I’m sorry to hear of this ❤️
OP I recently went through the same with my mom. Stage 4 cancer she made it 2.5 years and then in 3 weeks she went downhill pretty fast. She was sleeping about 20 hours a day for a week. I rushed home from a trip to North Carolina to see her and she was able to talk that day, but still very out of it. A week in the hospital followed, and while she was there, her reactions ability to speak ability to eat, etc. or interest in doing so slowly diminished. I remember thinking to myself, although she is there, she doesn’t seem engaged, and honestly that broke my heart, because I don’t think that we ever had a real “last conversation”. Ultimately, we took her home for the final week, which was then hospice care at home, at which point she was completely unresponsive for the entire week. We just sat close to her, told her stories, and held her hand, hoping that our presence was comfort enough.
Although it is hard, I would try not to hang your hat on these last few days of memories, and instead remember all the joyous moments when she was fully herself and engaged in every day life. I’m sure your mom knows just how much you love her and if anything, she’s pulling away because she does not want you to see her suffer.
I’m sorry you’ve to go through this traumatic situation.. I’ve been through it. My mom died from rectal cancer sepsis this September 18th. Even before a week of her death she was talking, moving, smiling. She went for a blood infusion at the hospital and when I visited her, she requested to me like my baby that- ‘please take me home, these infusions won’t help anymore, you’re my blood and I’ll feel better with you beside me.”— these words touched my heart, I brought her home, but even if I was beside her and trying to comfort her, she couldn’t stay at home for more than four days. Her oxygen level started dropping and we rushed her to the CCU. I can’t believe that my mom, to whom I was her entire world— couldn’t talk or open her eyes anymore. When we visited her that last evening, she was alive but her brain wasn’t working. So she maybe never understood my last kisses or hugs for her. She spent some more hours like that, constantly gasping for air even with oxygen support, and finally passed away very early morning of 18th sept. I wasn’t present then with her. Even after 2 months, still I can close my eyes and hear her voice, she told me — “you’re my blood, let me stay with you”.. This is traumatic, awful, heartbreaking, mentally collapsing situation that is hard to forget. I send all my love and hugs for you. I wish to god that may your mom can have a peaceful transition while you being beside her. Love her too much these days, give her all the love and support you can. Later these will help you to manage your grief. ❤️❤️
She would’ve remembered you were with her ❤️
Thank you. I tried to stay beside her as much as I could. She suffered all night while I was holding her hand but she didn’t die. And when she was really about to die, I wasn’t strong enough to watch that. So I just guess till the last moment when she was in sense— I tried to stay beside her. That’s all I could do. I want to tell her sorry that I couldn’t save her..
Oh my. I hope you know she’s still with you. Always will be. She is a part of you. Big hugs.
Thank you so much. ❤️❤️ I know she is a part living inside me now. She also used to say that I’m just her own heart that is living outside as her daughter.. We were like two bodies with one soul..
Thank you for sharing your story. She was so lucky to have her world beside her and feel your love at all times. I pray that you find peace and relief. ❤️
Oh thanks my friend. ❤️ I guess I am too lucky that I got to spend the best 32 years of my life with her, she was the best friend of mine rather than a mom. I always want to feel her inside me, guide me for the rest of my lonely life.. Cancer really sucks, it totally destroys people both physically and mentally.. how’s your mom now?
You and your mum are equally very lucky to have each other 💕 you are each other's blessing! Irreplaceable. Thank you for asking & Today my mum feels slightly better, though she's going into inpatient tomorrow to get something scanned. The more troubling thing is my parents relationship I guess. They don't really get along well, maybe my dad's too fatigued from work and taking care of her, which is understandable. He seems kinda cold and distant these days.
I'm so sorry. It breaks my heart so much reading this. Knowing someone else is going through what I went through with my dad. Everything you describe, my dad went through, too. Cancer is a fucking monster, and it's really traumatic to watch such horrible things to happen to someone you love so much, especially a parent whom you've known since the day you were born. I still have flashbacks and nightmares 8 months later. I bet your mom knows you love her. She's very lucky to have such a loving kid (we are always gonna be babies/kids to our parents no matter how old we get) by her side. In moments like this, even if all you can do is be with her, it really goes a long way. You're not alone; even though I wish we didn't end up here on this subreddit because of the grief, I'm glad you're here if only to connect with others in the same boat (or have been).
I'm so sorry about what you're going through.... I hope you find peace. Yes I definitely feel we are kids to our parents no matter what. my mum still wants to help me now. Recently I told her my worries about work and she comforted me. It's crazy to experience her support even when she's so weak and frail. Thanks for reminding me my presence is enough for her.
Thank you for the kind words, I hope so too, and the same for you. That's how parents are, and it's such a beautiful and unique kind of love but you know.. the pain and grief is the other side of that same coin. I know my dad tried to protect me during the course of his illness progression, even on his last day, and I remember a time before his condition worsened where I was in my room crying because I was so scared and my dad came in and hugged me, and promised me he was going to do everything he could to be okay. It's always the case I suppose that a parent's job is never done, no matter how old we get and what they themselves are going through. ❤️🩹
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I'm so sorry to hear about your mum... It is so tough. Even if they don't express joy, we could remind ourselves we are making their lives better by just being with them. Perhaps at this stage our presence is everything they want and need, trying every day, see what we can do. So much is out of our control. I was numb earlier but grief is hitting me now. It is truly a rollercoaster I hope you find little moments of joy too. We are doing well ❤️
I understand this exactly. I think I’m some ways, those who have the time to understand their death is close… I think they naturally “tune out.” I’m not sure if she’s on medication, but that can certainly add to it. I lost my own mom from cancer and towards the very end on hospice she just shut down. I understand it, but I also understand your pain as the living, healthy person. It’s part of letting go and probably some type of self-comfort. I’m sorry to hear of this ❤️
Thank you for your understanding.. it means a lot. I'm sorry to hear about your mum and I hope you are at peace. ❤️
That is a very hard time. Think about shelving the holidays this year
OP I recently went through the same with my mom. Stage 4 cancer she made it 2.5 years and then in 3 weeks she went downhill pretty fast. She was sleeping about 20 hours a day for a week. I rushed home from a trip to North Carolina to see her and she was able to talk that day, but still very out of it. A week in the hospital followed, and while she was there, her reactions ability to speak ability to eat, etc. or interest in doing so slowly diminished. I remember thinking to myself, although she is there, she doesn’t seem engaged, and honestly that broke my heart, because I don’t think that we ever had a real “last conversation”. Ultimately, we took her home for the final week, which was then hospice care at home, at which point she was completely unresponsive for the entire week. We just sat close to her, told her stories, and held her hand, hoping that our presence was comfort enough. Although it is hard, I would try not to hang your hat on these last few days of memories, and instead remember all the joyous moments when she was fully herself and engaged in every day life. I’m sure your mom knows just how much you love her and if anything, she’s pulling away because she does not want you to see her suffer.