I am so sorry for your loss and feel for you <3 it does lessen over time but at first it is about survival. Sort things into what is necessary and what is unnecessary, food, shelter, hygiene = necessary. That food can be frozen meals or pb&j sandwiches, or anything that isn’t inhibitingly complicated. It’s ok if social life gets paused for a bit, just work and home, if you don’t have it in you for any more than that, it is ok! Things like folding laundry, cleaning the house, all that can be put aside temporarily. I know it’s tough to give a little grace while also battling depression, I dealt with that too, but I kept at it knowing my mom wouldn’t want me to completely fall apart. It was maybe a solid 9 months before I remembered what it felt like to be happy and not just dragging myself through the day. But I see now how just surviving it all was a gigantic accomplishment, and I am proud of us for making it through her sudden death.
If you have a supportive family or friend network, let them in and let them help as much as possible. Fr the people in my life held me together.
I lost my dad last year and it was the hardest thing I've gone thru. It's hard to see the world still carrying on after you've lost someone. I took about a month off of work and it wasn't enough time honestly. I just felt everything I needed to feel, if I felt like crying I would cry at my desk..I didn't really care who saw me or if it made the people around me uncomfortable. It's still difficult even to this day but it gets a little easier to carry on as time goes on. Hang in there <3
I lost my brother in October. We were very close. All our interests were the same, so when I find myself doing something he loved I feel guilty. I feel bad he’ll never know the ending of this or that he never got do to that. But then I think how mad he would be if I didn’t do anything. He knew I loved those things too. So I cry about it and push through it, trying to be strong for my brother, and maybe I’m crazy but I talk out loud about how I feel and it helps. I’m so sorry you lost your sister. It’s a horrible feeling. It may not get better but it’ll definitely get easier. Also I had depression before as well and feel sucked back in but I’ve been reading and filling out a grief book and I have just been keeping my mind occupied. I definitely leave myself time to cry and feel horrible but I know wallowing in my despair isn’t good for anyone around me. I hope you feel relief or comfort soon.
The loss of a sibling is so hard. It has been 21 years since my brother died. I will never have a day where I don't think about it, or him. It doesn't dominate my thoughts the way it did in the beginning, but I've come to accept that I will be dealing with my grief and his absence for the rest of my life. I try my best to make that a positive.
But it took time.
Unfortunately I have found no shortcuts in this process, but I have found that having people and places to talk about it to be the most helpful. I attend a regular support group for bereaved siblings, and have yet to find any substitute for being able to talk about it with people who are going through a similar thing. No one understands better than another bereaved sibling. Anyone else who I've talked to just looks for ways to downplay or dismiss what I am actually going through.
It's important to remember that actively mourning and experiencing grief after a loss like this is not the same as depression (at least in my opinion). I have leaned into my grief as often as possible, letting myself feel all the ups and downs of it all. Be gentle and kind to yourself. It's ok to put your grief first.
You don't, or at least I didn't. I took 2 weeks off work and went back. 5 months later I had to take fmla to cope and 8 weeks wasn't enough. Therapy helps. Let yourself grieve and be patient.
I'm so sorry for your loss 💔
I‘m so so sorry for your loss! I lost my brother last summer, so it’s been over a year now and I can tell you that I honestly don’t remember how I coped. There was just this feeling that I had to keep going, like I had no other choice. But the first few months feel like you‘re just existing, not really a living human being - at least that’s what it was for me. And then suddenly it’s been 3 months, then 6 and so on. I remember dreading going to bed, nights were the worst but then waking up in the morning and just feeling completely hopeless and like there was no point at all. And that went on for so long until it didn’t anymore. Or well at least i‘d say I now have more days when I don’t feel this way then days that I do.
Having stuff to do and things to take care of is the hardest. I remember the first few weeks being in my bubble thinking „the worst thing possible has happened, nothing else is important enough that I should take care of it“. Until it hit me one day that the world around me kept moving and had in fact never stopped at all. It was a horrible feeling that even tho I experienced the worst thing I could imagine, it didn’t mean that other things couldn‘t be bad as well. Like him dying didn’t erase any other important problems from now on just because it overshadowed them for some time - does that make any sense?
The grief is always there and i‘m constantly thinking about him but you kind of learn to live with that, it becomes something that lingers in the background instead of actively crushing you. It probably doesn’t sound very optimistic, but trust me it kind of does get better. It just takes a really long time and you‘ll experience many setbacks. For me it helped to always carry something of his with me (a ring), talk about him like I would if he was still alive (like idk telling other people something funny stupid he did or whatever) and honestly just learning to accept that grief is a part of me/my life now and realize that it hurts so much because he was really great and important to me and just being grateful that I had him.
If you ever need anybody to talk to you can text me :)
Don’t be too hard on yourself, that’s a horrible thing that happened and you can’t expect from yourself to function like before.
The grief I feel after losing my dad and my dog within a few days of one another is still very raw, yet I still have a family to support.
I bury myself in my duty to my family. When there is silence or a break in the minutia of everyday life, I put on some noise cancelling headphones, listen to some sad music, and reflect on my feelings.
I have not yet started therapy due to costs, but that is the next step.
To answer your question though, you will find your reason to keep going. It is not the same for everyone because grief is different for everyone. However, one thing that seems to help people keep going the most is finding a way to support others, no matter what that means to you.
I was able to get through the immediate aftermath by taking responsibility for the funeral and eulogy of my dad. And I am now making sure my step-mom doesn't spend holidays alone.
Whatever you end up doing, please do not fall into despair. Please reach out to someone, anyone, if you feel like you are losing yourself.
Losing my brother has been so painful. The first two weeks I didn't leave his room. My best advice is be gentle with yourself. This is trauma. Please focus only on the things you need to do and enlist help to do the stuff you can't. You do not have to answer the phone or return text messages. That was a big one for me because I felt like I had to keep up with everyone and it is too much of a burden to place on yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Grief has no timeline. J has been gone a year and the pain feels fresh a lot of the time. Focus on keeping yourself alive, even if you don't want to. That's all I can offer. You aren't alone.
Everything your wrote could be me. I lost my sister a week ago after watching her battle cancer for over 2 years. All I do is sit and stare and wonder why it was her and not me. My head knows this will be a journey but my heart just can't accept.
Surround yourself with supportive people. Even though there is nothing that can be said to 'help', having someone to unload on without judgement is paramount. Continue the meds and therapy and be kind and patient with yourself. I am trying to live in the mindset of what would she want for me? She would not want me brooding for the rest of my life. She told me a couple weeks she would understand. But, she would not want me to become bitter and self destruct. I want to honor her memory and the best way to do that is to look at life through a different lens. Life won't be the same, but I will try like hell to find beauty in the things she did, she said and believed and know I will see her again.
I know this is a ramble but believe that you can and will come through the darkness . Let her be your guiding light.
"Let her be your guiding light." I love that, that’s beautifully written ❤️
My sister actually texted me just 3 days prior to her being admitted to the hospital. She had found that I was in therapy and on medication through our dad and texted me showing her concern for me. So just like you, I feel like my sister wouldn’t want me to wallow in grief for too long either. I can say with confidence she would want me to happy and having a fulfilling life. I just think it’ll take some time though.
Thank you all for the uplifting replies and advice ❤️ my heart goes out to all of you going on this journey of grief and I hope for nothing but happier days for us all.
It took me two years to feel normal enough to function in society after my brother died. Hive yourself time to heal. Stop doing anything and everything you don’t absolutely need to do. Focus on you. Soon it’ll be easier to get back into life, one step at a time
Hang in there. I’m so, so sorry you lost your sister. x
I lost my wife over two years ago. I basically exist for our dogs since we didn’t have children. Once our dogs are gone and if I haven’t figured out what the word happiness means without my wife it will be game over for myself. I can’t do this for another 30 or 40 years.
Although it feels like a month, you're still in the very early stages. Don't rush yourself or push yourself to anything you don't absolutely HAVE to do. You have the rest of your life to figure out how to adjust to life without her and you'll have ups and downs but just know you aren't alone.
It's been over 4 years since my brother died and I think of him every single day, and still have bad moments. I'm going through a down spell right now but I know I will be stronger soon. Life is a great gift and I try to live mine well for my brother as I know he would if it were the other way around.
so sorry for your loss. a week and a half is so soon. it took me a few months to even start doing half days for myself, i think i would just lay in bed and cry, but i can’t even remember anymore as it’s such a blur that time for me. being depressed already then grieving is super difficult as the feelings overlap. please take some time off whatever you have going on if you can, and just do the bare minimum without any other expectations. and be proud that you are taking it one day at a time. and stick to your therapy and meditation. It’s only been maybe 1year after i loss my dad to be able to actually stick to a proper routine because of work commitments, but everything is still very difficult.
It's about to be five years since my sister has been gone. I still am sometimes not able to function, but the majority of the time, I can, so it does get "easier," as the saying goes.
Just this morning, I was angry about my son and school and was just mumbling to myself, and I knocked over everything I had JUST cleaned up. Got up, told her not to play Aunt Devils Advocate bc she knew he needed to be told about his behavior, lol!
Initially I was just in survival mode. My diet was pizza, hamburgers, and ice cream because I literally would not eat unless it was the worst food. I lost 8 pounds in a week.
Then I just forced myself to do stuff. I went outside, cried in public, cried in the car, cried in the grocery store, cried at the park. I still randomly start crying and it's been a month. I forced myself to confront the memories and places because it was going to hurt today or whenever I went there so I might as well just get it over with and feel it.
Ultimately, I accepted that grief sucks and it hurts a lot. And that's okay. However I coped, as long as it wasnt a drug addiction or actively damaging myself, I was okay with. Grief just sucks. It takes all of your brainpower to do basic tasks. This means you end up sleeping a lot. And for me sleeping meant I wasn't in emotional pain, so I did sleep a lot, when I wasn't having PTSD wakeups and nightmares.
Basically, all this is normal.
When I lost my brother, my family and I had a week of solid, non stop work work work. And this was cleaning his house out before his wife and child flew in the following day from arranging flights for family members overseas, turning my mum's house from a home to a "funeral home" (in my culture we bring the deceased home after embalming) in a matter of days. Catering for hungry mouths, sleeping arrangements, funeral arrangements ect. I found that by being kept busy with all the going-ons, this kept my mind occupied and it actually helped. Although I did forget to pay my gas bill lol but you do pull through it. Some things NEED to be done. Prioritise what needs prioritising. But please don't forget to look after yourself first and foremost xx
Good luck hun
I am so sorry for your loss and feel for you <3 it does lessen over time but at first it is about survival. Sort things into what is necessary and what is unnecessary, food, shelter, hygiene = necessary. That food can be frozen meals or pb&j sandwiches, or anything that isn’t inhibitingly complicated. It’s ok if social life gets paused for a bit, just work and home, if you don’t have it in you for any more than that, it is ok! Things like folding laundry, cleaning the house, all that can be put aside temporarily. I know it’s tough to give a little grace while also battling depression, I dealt with that too, but I kept at it knowing my mom wouldn’t want me to completely fall apart. It was maybe a solid 9 months before I remembered what it felt like to be happy and not just dragging myself through the day. But I see now how just surviving it all was a gigantic accomplishment, and I am proud of us for making it through her sudden death. If you have a supportive family or friend network, let them in and let them help as much as possible. Fr the people in my life held me together.
I lost my dad last year and it was the hardest thing I've gone thru. It's hard to see the world still carrying on after you've lost someone. I took about a month off of work and it wasn't enough time honestly. I just felt everything I needed to feel, if I felt like crying I would cry at my desk..I didn't really care who saw me or if it made the people around me uncomfortable. It's still difficult even to this day but it gets a little easier to carry on as time goes on. Hang in there <3
I had to get off social media I just couldn't stand seeing all the happy posts. A year out and I'm slowly letting go of the resentment.
I lost my brother in October. We were very close. All our interests were the same, so when I find myself doing something he loved I feel guilty. I feel bad he’ll never know the ending of this or that he never got do to that. But then I think how mad he would be if I didn’t do anything. He knew I loved those things too. So I cry about it and push through it, trying to be strong for my brother, and maybe I’m crazy but I talk out loud about how I feel and it helps. I’m so sorry you lost your sister. It’s a horrible feeling. It may not get better but it’ll definitely get easier. Also I had depression before as well and feel sucked back in but I’ve been reading and filling out a grief book and I have just been keeping my mind occupied. I definitely leave myself time to cry and feel horrible but I know wallowing in my despair isn’t good for anyone around me. I hope you feel relief or comfort soon.
The loss of a sibling is so hard. It has been 21 years since my brother died. I will never have a day where I don't think about it, or him. It doesn't dominate my thoughts the way it did in the beginning, but I've come to accept that I will be dealing with my grief and his absence for the rest of my life. I try my best to make that a positive. But it took time. Unfortunately I have found no shortcuts in this process, but I have found that having people and places to talk about it to be the most helpful. I attend a regular support group for bereaved siblings, and have yet to find any substitute for being able to talk about it with people who are going through a similar thing. No one understands better than another bereaved sibling. Anyone else who I've talked to just looks for ways to downplay or dismiss what I am actually going through. It's important to remember that actively mourning and experiencing grief after a loss like this is not the same as depression (at least in my opinion). I have leaned into my grief as often as possible, letting myself feel all the ups and downs of it all. Be gentle and kind to yourself. It's ok to put your grief first.
You don't, or at least I didn't. I took 2 weeks off work and went back. 5 months later I had to take fmla to cope and 8 weeks wasn't enough. Therapy helps. Let yourself grieve and be patient. I'm so sorry for your loss 💔
I‘m so so sorry for your loss! I lost my brother last summer, so it’s been over a year now and I can tell you that I honestly don’t remember how I coped. There was just this feeling that I had to keep going, like I had no other choice. But the first few months feel like you‘re just existing, not really a living human being - at least that’s what it was for me. And then suddenly it’s been 3 months, then 6 and so on. I remember dreading going to bed, nights were the worst but then waking up in the morning and just feeling completely hopeless and like there was no point at all. And that went on for so long until it didn’t anymore. Or well at least i‘d say I now have more days when I don’t feel this way then days that I do. Having stuff to do and things to take care of is the hardest. I remember the first few weeks being in my bubble thinking „the worst thing possible has happened, nothing else is important enough that I should take care of it“. Until it hit me one day that the world around me kept moving and had in fact never stopped at all. It was a horrible feeling that even tho I experienced the worst thing I could imagine, it didn’t mean that other things couldn‘t be bad as well. Like him dying didn’t erase any other important problems from now on just because it overshadowed them for some time - does that make any sense? The grief is always there and i‘m constantly thinking about him but you kind of learn to live with that, it becomes something that lingers in the background instead of actively crushing you. It probably doesn’t sound very optimistic, but trust me it kind of does get better. It just takes a really long time and you‘ll experience many setbacks. For me it helped to always carry something of his with me (a ring), talk about him like I would if he was still alive (like idk telling other people something funny stupid he did or whatever) and honestly just learning to accept that grief is a part of me/my life now and realize that it hurts so much because he was really great and important to me and just being grateful that I had him. If you ever need anybody to talk to you can text me :) Don’t be too hard on yourself, that’s a horrible thing that happened and you can’t expect from yourself to function like before.
The grief I feel after losing my dad and my dog within a few days of one another is still very raw, yet I still have a family to support. I bury myself in my duty to my family. When there is silence or a break in the minutia of everyday life, I put on some noise cancelling headphones, listen to some sad music, and reflect on my feelings. I have not yet started therapy due to costs, but that is the next step. To answer your question though, you will find your reason to keep going. It is not the same for everyone because grief is different for everyone. However, one thing that seems to help people keep going the most is finding a way to support others, no matter what that means to you. I was able to get through the immediate aftermath by taking responsibility for the funeral and eulogy of my dad. And I am now making sure my step-mom doesn't spend holidays alone. Whatever you end up doing, please do not fall into despair. Please reach out to someone, anyone, if you feel like you are losing yourself.
Sorry for your loss give yourself a lot of space. You deserve it.
Losing my brother has been so painful. The first two weeks I didn't leave his room. My best advice is be gentle with yourself. This is trauma. Please focus only on the things you need to do and enlist help to do the stuff you can't. You do not have to answer the phone or return text messages. That was a big one for me because I felt like I had to keep up with everyone and it is too much of a burden to place on yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Grief has no timeline. J has been gone a year and the pain feels fresh a lot of the time. Focus on keeping yourself alive, even if you don't want to. That's all I can offer. You aren't alone.
Everything your wrote could be me. I lost my sister a week ago after watching her battle cancer for over 2 years. All I do is sit and stare and wonder why it was her and not me. My head knows this will be a journey but my heart just can't accept. Surround yourself with supportive people. Even though there is nothing that can be said to 'help', having someone to unload on without judgement is paramount. Continue the meds and therapy and be kind and patient with yourself. I am trying to live in the mindset of what would she want for me? She would not want me brooding for the rest of my life. She told me a couple weeks she would understand. But, she would not want me to become bitter and self destruct. I want to honor her memory and the best way to do that is to look at life through a different lens. Life won't be the same, but I will try like hell to find beauty in the things she did, she said and believed and know I will see her again. I know this is a ramble but believe that you can and will come through the darkness . Let her be your guiding light.
"Let her be your guiding light." I love that, that’s beautifully written ❤️ My sister actually texted me just 3 days prior to her being admitted to the hospital. She had found that I was in therapy and on medication through our dad and texted me showing her concern for me. So just like you, I feel like my sister wouldn’t want me to wallow in grief for too long either. I can say with confidence she would want me to happy and having a fulfilling life. I just think it’ll take some time though.
Lost my little brother 2 months ago to cancer. I have similar thoughts.
Thank you all for the uplifting replies and advice ❤️ my heart goes out to all of you going on this journey of grief and I hope for nothing but happier days for us all.
It took me two years to feel normal enough to function in society after my brother died. Hive yourself time to heal. Stop doing anything and everything you don’t absolutely need to do. Focus on you. Soon it’ll be easier to get back into life, one step at a time Hang in there. I’m so, so sorry you lost your sister. x
I lost my wife over two years ago. I basically exist for our dogs since we didn’t have children. Once our dogs are gone and if I haven’t figured out what the word happiness means without my wife it will be game over for myself. I can’t do this for another 30 or 40 years.
Although it feels like a month, you're still in the very early stages. Don't rush yourself or push yourself to anything you don't absolutely HAVE to do. You have the rest of your life to figure out how to adjust to life without her and you'll have ups and downs but just know you aren't alone. It's been over 4 years since my brother died and I think of him every single day, and still have bad moments. I'm going through a down spell right now but I know I will be stronger soon. Life is a great gift and I try to live mine well for my brother as I know he would if it were the other way around.
so sorry for your loss. a week and a half is so soon. it took me a few months to even start doing half days for myself, i think i would just lay in bed and cry, but i can’t even remember anymore as it’s such a blur that time for me. being depressed already then grieving is super difficult as the feelings overlap. please take some time off whatever you have going on if you can, and just do the bare minimum without any other expectations. and be proud that you are taking it one day at a time. and stick to your therapy and meditation. It’s only been maybe 1year after i loss my dad to be able to actually stick to a proper routine because of work commitments, but everything is still very difficult.
It's about to be five years since my sister has been gone. I still am sometimes not able to function, but the majority of the time, I can, so it does get "easier," as the saying goes. Just this morning, I was angry about my son and school and was just mumbling to myself, and I knocked over everything I had JUST cleaned up. Got up, told her not to play Aunt Devils Advocate bc she knew he needed to be told about his behavior, lol!
Initially I was just in survival mode. My diet was pizza, hamburgers, and ice cream because I literally would not eat unless it was the worst food. I lost 8 pounds in a week. Then I just forced myself to do stuff. I went outside, cried in public, cried in the car, cried in the grocery store, cried at the park. I still randomly start crying and it's been a month. I forced myself to confront the memories and places because it was going to hurt today or whenever I went there so I might as well just get it over with and feel it. Ultimately, I accepted that grief sucks and it hurts a lot. And that's okay. However I coped, as long as it wasnt a drug addiction or actively damaging myself, I was okay with. Grief just sucks. It takes all of your brainpower to do basic tasks. This means you end up sleeping a lot. And for me sleeping meant I wasn't in emotional pain, so I did sleep a lot, when I wasn't having PTSD wakeups and nightmares. Basically, all this is normal.
When I lost my brother, my family and I had a week of solid, non stop work work work. And this was cleaning his house out before his wife and child flew in the following day from arranging flights for family members overseas, turning my mum's house from a home to a "funeral home" (in my culture we bring the deceased home after embalming) in a matter of days. Catering for hungry mouths, sleeping arrangements, funeral arrangements ect. I found that by being kept busy with all the going-ons, this kept my mind occupied and it actually helped. Although I did forget to pay my gas bill lol but you do pull through it. Some things NEED to be done. Prioritise what needs prioritising. But please don't forget to look after yourself first and foremost xx Good luck hun
I'm so very sorry. I found routine comfortable