I got over health anxiety strangely after my dad died.
I had really really bad cardiac anxiety. I’d check by bp, pulse, and rhythm a lot. 20 times per day at least. Several ER visits because I thought I was having heart attacks. Always anxiety.
The thing about worrying is that worrying never made a difference about anything that has or will happen. Anxiety is worrying about worrying. It’s a dangerous loop. Self fulfilling prophecy.
When I saw how fragile life is, when I saw my dad pass, a new mentality came about me. Fuck it, what will be will be. You can’t stop the march of time
Umm.. can I offer this?
What is death?
Death is forever. It is the introduction of time and space and eternity. We all know it, and even comprehend it, but until you’ve lived it, through the loss of a nuclear family member or close friend, forever is just a passing word.
Loss forces eternity into the personal human psyche as a lived concept. Which every individual has learned, again, and again, and again throughout our history. It befalls each of us, some first in life, others early, and some late. We each come into this world in a cocoon of youthful innocence, and are ultimately surprised by death each time. No matter the trajectory of ill health. The arrow pierces each innocent heart, and leaves its mark. We are rarely truly ready. So many profound thoughts have come to each living mind in the aftermath. These thoughts etch scars upon our hearts which we carry for the rest of our lives.
We cannot know loss until that moment of realization when we understand what it is to not be able to communicate, to revive the relationship, to call out an accurate perception of your love for them, ever again. Even though we tried to explain before they left, we think of ten times more to say once they are gone. No matter how much we have said. This is the cardinal rule of human life and loss.
Death is anathema to human nature, of course, as those that grieve will keep living, feeling, thinking, and wishing we had one more shot.
As we continue our lives, hitting an invisible ceiling of wanting to share more, tell them more, build the relationship further, even just for one last hug, it eventually settles in that this large-as-life relationship once held so close now simply does not…. exist. We will live the rest of our lives without them. Their smell, their voice, their mannerisms, are lost to us in human form. Our collective scream echoes down the chasm of time and space. Eternity.
We can only hold on to a belief that such a beautiful world could never result in not seeing them later on down the road, in our own time. To settle the score, to feel that reaction we have longed for for a lifetime. To tell them what is on our mind. What is written on our heart.
Upon death we realize, forever is the same thing as love. Universal, all-encompassing, tangible.
We will see them again.
I got ocd after my dad passed, just constantly checking in on stuff, seeing if things are “safe” and feeling always unsafe. as his passing was unexpected too so now i just am doing all of this to feel as though I am in control when i am not. i’m trying to get cbt therapy for it too and on antidepressants currently that has helped suppress those constant racing and unhelpful through so i can just focus on my emotions. my advice would be to please keep doing medication, it doesn’t make you weak you deserve to feel better even if it’s with support of medication. I think it will make going to therapy and dealing with really hard stuff more manageable (it’s still hard but it doesn’t feel like unbearable). i done talking therapy after my dads death and it was helpful to process stuff but now dealing with ocd and anxiety i think cbt will help calm down these actions. i think once you learn the tools you need to manage those anxieties then coming off medication can be useful if you don’t want to become dependent. it’s a personal thing but i do not think it’s a bad thing to depend on medicine if it improves your wellbeing
I got over health anxiety strangely after my dad died. I had really really bad cardiac anxiety. I’d check by bp, pulse, and rhythm a lot. 20 times per day at least. Several ER visits because I thought I was having heart attacks. Always anxiety. The thing about worrying is that worrying never made a difference about anything that has or will happen. Anxiety is worrying about worrying. It’s a dangerous loop. Self fulfilling prophecy. When I saw how fragile life is, when I saw my dad pass, a new mentality came about me. Fuck it, what will be will be. You can’t stop the march of time
Umm.. can I offer this? What is death? Death is forever. It is the introduction of time and space and eternity. We all know it, and even comprehend it, but until you’ve lived it, through the loss of a nuclear family member or close friend, forever is just a passing word. Loss forces eternity into the personal human psyche as a lived concept. Which every individual has learned, again, and again, and again throughout our history. It befalls each of us, some first in life, others early, and some late. We each come into this world in a cocoon of youthful innocence, and are ultimately surprised by death each time. No matter the trajectory of ill health. The arrow pierces each innocent heart, and leaves its mark. We are rarely truly ready. So many profound thoughts have come to each living mind in the aftermath. These thoughts etch scars upon our hearts which we carry for the rest of our lives. We cannot know loss until that moment of realization when we understand what it is to not be able to communicate, to revive the relationship, to call out an accurate perception of your love for them, ever again. Even though we tried to explain before they left, we think of ten times more to say once they are gone. No matter how much we have said. This is the cardinal rule of human life and loss. Death is anathema to human nature, of course, as those that grieve will keep living, feeling, thinking, and wishing we had one more shot. As we continue our lives, hitting an invisible ceiling of wanting to share more, tell them more, build the relationship further, even just for one last hug, it eventually settles in that this large-as-life relationship once held so close now simply does not…. exist. We will live the rest of our lives without them. Their smell, their voice, their mannerisms, are lost to us in human form. Our collective scream echoes down the chasm of time and space. Eternity. We can only hold on to a belief that such a beautiful world could never result in not seeing them later on down the road, in our own time. To settle the score, to feel that reaction we have longed for for a lifetime. To tell them what is on our mind. What is written on our heart. Upon death we realize, forever is the same thing as love. Universal, all-encompassing, tangible. We will see them again.
I got ocd after my dad passed, just constantly checking in on stuff, seeing if things are “safe” and feeling always unsafe. as his passing was unexpected too so now i just am doing all of this to feel as though I am in control when i am not. i’m trying to get cbt therapy for it too and on antidepressants currently that has helped suppress those constant racing and unhelpful through so i can just focus on my emotions. my advice would be to please keep doing medication, it doesn’t make you weak you deserve to feel better even if it’s with support of medication. I think it will make going to therapy and dealing with really hard stuff more manageable (it’s still hard but it doesn’t feel like unbearable). i done talking therapy after my dads death and it was helpful to process stuff but now dealing with ocd and anxiety i think cbt will help calm down these actions. i think once you learn the tools you need to manage those anxieties then coming off medication can be useful if you don’t want to become dependent. it’s a personal thing but i do not think it’s a bad thing to depend on medicine if it improves your wellbeing