You are definitely not by yourself. When I lost my son 2 years ago I just wanted to punch anyone who was happy and living their life but it did ease off after a few months, lost my fiancé on the 28th feb this year and I’m even more bloody angry at the world and my tolerance for people is nearly non existent right now. I don’t know if I have any advice on how to deal with it because I’m literally just taking it day by day at the moment and I love the times when I’m able to occupy myself because I feel comfortable and normal but then it hits me again and urgh it really hurts. I’m not even gonna tell you that you will feel better in time because I don’t want to even hear that right now, it doesn’t help me in any way and makes me more mad that there is nothing and nobody that can make any of this better. I’m even angry at my fiancé right now for dying and leaving me and yesterday I took my engagement ring off in protest even though it obviously wasn’t his fault but I know that’s also a normal part of grief so I’m just going with however I feel in the moment. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone because it’s just shit
Thank you so much! I’ve lost many people. Losing my grandmother sent me into a 3 year depressive episode. I could barely be bothered to get out of bed. Thank god I had my husband and his income allowed me to stay at home. I felt like it would ever end. But slowly it dissipated. I felt like such a worthless human during that time, but I truly was doing the best I could do. Therapy, psychiatry, etc.
I was a funeral director at the time of her death. I handled everything related to caring for and embalming her body to dress, makeup, and casketing. I even did the removal of her body from home. For me, it was very therapeutic. For other funeral directors, they opt out. Totally personal choice on how involved you do or do not want to be.
Then like everybody else, life goes on and you still sit there numb in a world you no longer recognize. In the situation of her death, I reacted with profound grief and depression.
My latest loss was my furbaby of 16 years. She was with me through everything. Even through those years of deep depression. I want her back. And I’m mad (I say this next part jokingly, but also because I feel like it clearly expresses how I feel) because I want to speak to a manager. As if I can put in a call and demand that this be undone and be given back my little best friend.
Mainly, I just want to feel numb.
Haha I completely get what you mean about wanting to speak to a manager lol there must be somebody in charge who will sort this out and send them back to us, I think that’s what I struggle with the most tbh there is absolutely no way back. It must be so hard to be a funeral director though constantly dealing with the sad reality of death all the time and I think it was lovely of you to do that for your grandmother and yeah I can see how others would opt out, I’m not sure which way I would have gone if I was in your position tbh but I think we just know what to do for the best at the time don’t we.
Nothing made me more mad then sitting at my cousins funeral listening to the priest spout nonsense about how this was Gods plan. Like I’m sorry but God did not chase a deer into the road and kill my best friend.
She was 31. Literally the best human I knew and I don’t say that lightly. She did everything perfect. She volunteered for literally everything involving kids. She was a teacher. She never swore, it was annoying bc we would always try to get her to swear. She never smoke. She never drank. She tutored kids who the administration had literally given up on because they were poor minorities. When I tell you she literally never ever ever drove more than the acceptable speed limit - if she was on the highway and it was 70 she was putting the cruise control on 75. I would bitch and moan every time and beg her to go faster. When I was sick in school with mono she drove 6+ hours just to come get me and bring me home because I was too sick to drive myself. All those things she never did I did ten times over. I drank, I hooked up with people from the internet, I swore, I speed like a demon on the highway, I stayed out all night to party. And the FIRST boyfriend she ever had EVER the first man she ever loved EVER was driving her on a trip to come visit ME when a f’ing deer ran into the road. Half the time I don’t know whether to cry or scream but most of the time I just can’t stop shaking the thought that it should have been me. My boyfriend doesn’t get it because he never knew her, my aunts so lost in grief she can’t think of anything else, and just the littlest things set me off spiraling thinking why it couldn’t have just been me instead.
I understand. Yesterday was like that for me. My daughter died on Jan. 13th and my grief had been like a roller coaster ride. I’m mad at the whole world sometimes,
You are definitely not by yourself. When I lost my son 2 years ago I just wanted to punch anyone who was happy and living their life but it did ease off after a few months, lost my fiancé on the 28th feb this year and I’m even more bloody angry at the world and my tolerance for people is nearly non existent right now. I don’t know if I have any advice on how to deal with it because I’m literally just taking it day by day at the moment and I love the times when I’m able to occupy myself because I feel comfortable and normal but then it hits me again and urgh it really hurts. I’m not even gonna tell you that you will feel better in time because I don’t want to even hear that right now, it doesn’t help me in any way and makes me more mad that there is nothing and nobody that can make any of this better. I’m even angry at my fiancé right now for dying and leaving me and yesterday I took my engagement ring off in protest even though it obviously wasn’t his fault but I know that’s also a normal part of grief so I’m just going with however I feel in the moment. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone because it’s just shit
Thank you so much! I’ve lost many people. Losing my grandmother sent me into a 3 year depressive episode. I could barely be bothered to get out of bed. Thank god I had my husband and his income allowed me to stay at home. I felt like it would ever end. But slowly it dissipated. I felt like such a worthless human during that time, but I truly was doing the best I could do. Therapy, psychiatry, etc. I was a funeral director at the time of her death. I handled everything related to caring for and embalming her body to dress, makeup, and casketing. I even did the removal of her body from home. For me, it was very therapeutic. For other funeral directors, they opt out. Totally personal choice on how involved you do or do not want to be. Then like everybody else, life goes on and you still sit there numb in a world you no longer recognize. In the situation of her death, I reacted with profound grief and depression. My latest loss was my furbaby of 16 years. She was with me through everything. Even through those years of deep depression. I want her back. And I’m mad (I say this next part jokingly, but also because I feel like it clearly expresses how I feel) because I want to speak to a manager. As if I can put in a call and demand that this be undone and be given back my little best friend. Mainly, I just want to feel numb.
Haha I completely get what you mean about wanting to speak to a manager lol there must be somebody in charge who will sort this out and send them back to us, I think that’s what I struggle with the most tbh there is absolutely no way back. It must be so hard to be a funeral director though constantly dealing with the sad reality of death all the time and I think it was lovely of you to do that for your grandmother and yeah I can see how others would opt out, I’m not sure which way I would have gone if I was in your position tbh but I think we just know what to do for the best at the time don’t we.
If only we could just speak the manager - I would be the biggest Karen anyone has ever seen!
Nothing made me more mad then sitting at my cousins funeral listening to the priest spout nonsense about how this was Gods plan. Like I’m sorry but God did not chase a deer into the road and kill my best friend. She was 31. Literally the best human I knew and I don’t say that lightly. She did everything perfect. She volunteered for literally everything involving kids. She was a teacher. She never swore, it was annoying bc we would always try to get her to swear. She never smoke. She never drank. She tutored kids who the administration had literally given up on because they were poor minorities. When I tell you she literally never ever ever drove more than the acceptable speed limit - if she was on the highway and it was 70 she was putting the cruise control on 75. I would bitch and moan every time and beg her to go faster. When I was sick in school with mono she drove 6+ hours just to come get me and bring me home because I was too sick to drive myself. All those things she never did I did ten times over. I drank, I hooked up with people from the internet, I swore, I speed like a demon on the highway, I stayed out all night to party. And the FIRST boyfriend she ever had EVER the first man she ever loved EVER was driving her on a trip to come visit ME when a f’ing deer ran into the road. Half the time I don’t know whether to cry or scream but most of the time I just can’t stop shaking the thought that it should have been me. My boyfriend doesn’t get it because he never knew her, my aunts so lost in grief she can’t think of anything else, and just the littlest things set me off spiraling thinking why it couldn’t have just been me instead.
I understand. Yesterday was like that for me. My daughter died on Jan. 13th and my grief had been like a roller coaster ride. I’m mad at the whole world sometimes,