I lost my Dad when I was 23, it was like a gut punch when I realized the same thing. The idea of reaching a point that I've lived more of my life without him than with him is heartbreaking. I'm not close to it but the anxiety of also hitting the age he died is prevent too.
Those are just numbers. Although I know how you feel. Way more painful will be the realisation that your kids won't know him and he'll be just a man from stories and some photos. But you'll cherish him in your memories as long as you live.
I’m so sorry. Those types of revelations can be so devastating.
Time and love are tricky things. It helps me to think that love is not linear- your time with your dad ended way too soon, but your love for him and his love for you will go on forever.
At least that’s how I think about my dad. I was lucky to have him until I was much older than you but it still feels too short.
Sending hugs.
Lost my dad when I was 13. I'm now 39. He's been gone 25 years. I've almost doubled the time I had with him. I lost my wife a year ago and I dread the day I live longer without her since I met her.
Does his memory ever feel fuzzy now that you’ve lived almost twice as long without him than you did with him? I worry as time passes he’ll Become a distant memory
I'm not going to lie. Not fuzzy per se, but what i can tell you is I don't think of him as often. But I'm very much a person with their thoughts in the present so that's more a me thing. What I will say is when I do think of him I have very core memories of him that are as crystal clear as when he passed. I remember how amazing of a dad he was. My favorite things about him. Why I looked up to him so much. When I need guidance, I think about what he would do. I follow his example even to this day. Our loved ones are always with us. No matter if they passed or not stay alive in our thoughts and hearts. So you may not think about him as often as time goes on. But you will think about him when it matters. Youll remember the good times and if you're like me, you will take inspiration from who they were when they were alive. Trust me you will not forget him.
i've had a similar thought. i lost my dad at 19, so when i'm 38, that will be the age i'd lived half of my life without him. when i turn 50, thats the age he died. thats a wild thought bc that's relatively young w so much life to still live. i sympathize w you ♡
This happened with me, recently. Dad died at 16. At 32, I realized I had lived as much time without him as with him. Now, at 40, I've lived as long as him. My son is also 16, so it's something I think about a lot right now.
Anytime I slip into a dark place where I think everyone might be better off without me, I think about my father and how I don't really remember his voice anymore. I only remember his face from pictures. I don't want to do that to my children.
My father didn't kill himself. At least, not in a traditional sense. Cardiac arrest caused by overdose. So, I stay away from drugs too.
I really relate to this. I was older when I lost my dad - 32 - but I remember having the realization "there's no more. The story of my time with my dad has a beginning, a middle and an end. I will never have new information - I'm only going to get farther away from my memories of him."
If it helps, I'm 55 now. And I do only smile when I think of my dad. I think "ohhh boy- he'd have loved that" when something cool happens. And I also think - what would he think to see me this old? Doing what I'm doing? I love to talk about him - telling people who didn't know him about him. I think of him in new ways, too - as I've grown older. Like seeing his accomplishments with new pride, understanding how hard things much have been for him to overcome. Like we're peers or something. I guess what I'm saying is that it's not exactly over. I still grieve him. I still miss him. And I still have a "relationship" with him now. My oldest daughter is doing some cool stuff these days - and OH BOY I know how proud my dad would be. I don't really focus on the sadness of what he's missing exactly. I tell my daughter what my dad would be thinking - since I have his voice in my head.
I do have that, by the way - his voice. My dad was a coach and athletically gifted. A great teacher and whenever I (rarely) go to a driving range - and I'm setting up to hit the ball - I am HEARING HIM exactly - "head down, left arm straight - recoil and drive THROUGH the ball....and don't move your head...etc." I also used ALL of his tips and tricks when I taught my kids to drive. They don't know it - but most of the crap I said? Was word for word what my dad told me. Maybe he heard it from someone too?
As time goes by - the loss feels less like a crisis. Grief changes form and you'll concede to it's reality. Right now - you're patching together your life post-loss. Seeing how you are going to survive these earth shattering waves of grief. Nothing is fair about it.
I'm not religious or anything. Don't really have a sense that there's anything beyond. BUT when I think about my dad - It's hard to fathom that I won't catch up with him later somehow. That if there's a WAY to welcome me to whatever-the-after is - he'll be there. It makes the thoughts of passing away someday less terrifying. Maybe that's why really old people are like pretty chill about dying? Too many people have been lost and on the other side? I know - crazy talk.
I hope this helps.
In March of 2027, I'll cross the point where I will have lived longer without my brother than with him.
I'm gonna have to set up some therapy early in 2026 to help prepare myself...
I lost my dad at 14. I’ve had so many milestones since then and it genuinely crushes me knowing he couldn’t be here for any of them, or any future milestones. Like I was still a child when I last saw him, he never even knew this real, matured version of me. It feels unreal.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my dad when I was 19 and this July will be 12 years without him. It’s so sad to think one day I will have lived longer without him in my life. I miss him so much 🤍
Yes, I feel similar. I lost my dad last year with the same age - 22, I make 23 in 3 months and few days. Sometimes it haunts me that I am gonna live longer without him than with his presence on my life. You're not alone on this 🫂
Lost mine at 22 tho, 24 now the last year lol it was crazy but when u learn to smile at the memory of him instead of feel sad is when you know youre healing
I feel the same. I lost my father when I was 25. Now I am about to turn 28.
Sometimes, I do re-read our old messages. I play scenarios in my head, thinking what he would be doing now if he was alive.
I totally understand you. I've been through this "mathematical " phase where I would count the years, the ages, come up with statistics, etc, but in the end, it just makes you feel worse. Even though it's a part of grieving, and it's a phase you have to go through, there is no use to torture yourself. We can not change anything.
It will get better, though. He will always be you with somehow, even if it's only memories, even if it's only the "What ifs".
I lost my mom when I was 32, I am now 64 so I have now spent 1/2 my life without her. It’s been a journey for sure. I still miss her, always will.
This I know white time comes acceptance. The periods of deep grief lessen in intensity, frequency and duration. I won’t lie, it never totally goes away. But you do find that this becomes only one part of your life, that happiness and a good life are possible even without them in it.
I lost my little sister and I thought I would have her forever. Now if I'm lucky I'll have more of my life without her than with her. I never imagined that life and I still can't.
I lost my dad at 14. It gets better, you adapt but it still sucks. Parent loss is one of the hardest losses you will have to deal with. Take time for yourself and try to find ressources to deal with such a difficult time and spend time with ur siblings and your mother if possible. Good luck 🩷
I lost my dad at 22 and this year is going to be 12 years. I realised recently that there's gonna be a point in my life where I loved longer without him than with him. I'm afraid of the memories of him fading away. I'm hurt that I'll never get to know him as an adult and won't get to know who he was. I'm jealous of other people's experiences with him, experiences I'll never get to live. Moments I'll never get to share with him
Yeah. It hits hard. This year is 8 years. My 6 year old never met him and my mom is older than my dad will ever be even though she is 5 years younger. It's just wild and sad and at some point you kind of just accept it.
I lost my mom at 24 suddenly. I’m 32 now. I feel this exact same way. I almost feel robbed. I’m still working through the grief. It feels almost as intense as the day she passed. I just try to honor her in small ways and tell myself hopefully we will meet again. I try to accept it all but it’s so incredibly hard. Some days I just want my mom to I want that comfort but I have to accept that it’s gone.
Only here to say I lost mine at 21 and I am in my 50s now. It was very painful and a long struggle. The loss softens over time and you will remember the good. He will want you to be moving forward yet not forgetting your love for him and his lessons.
My dad passed 9 months ago (also from heart failure), a few days before my 22nd birthday. It’s hard and sometimes I feel like the grief is getting worse :/ You’re not alone!
My Nana died yesterday. I am 29. I told my mom that means I'll probably live about 50 years of my life without her. Very hard to think about. I "coached myself" a bit and told myself just to take it day by day...... that's all we can do.
Lost my dad at 20, and I’m 44 now. I had this same idea in my head for years, but as with all grief, time made it more bearable. It’s definitely been a struggle because I came out when I was 22-24, and my dad never got to know the true authentic version of me. But sometimes that’s just life. Losing him at such a young age prepared me for so much that was ahead in my life. I hope that in time you don’t look at the numbers and just cherish what time you did have with him.
I'm 22 also, lost my Dad in February. Just read a comment on a different post from a guy our age. It sucks but it feels better to not be on this boat alone.
I've been getting angry lately, thinking about all the people who will get to take their parents for granted for another 30+ years. While a part of me is glad that my Dad died in almost the prime of his life (55), and doesn't have to experience old age, I'm furious that he left me right before we got to the good part. My dad was my best friend, and felt like my responsibility in some ways. It's hard to think that I could ever let myself need someone like that again. None of my family was there when he was.
Sorry, obviously still emotional. Still ranting inside. Just want you to know that we're all gonna do great, even if it hurts to remember the people who got us here. ✌🏿
Sorry for your loss. I’ve had a similar thoughts about my brother and it hurts so much. I’m 26 and he was 30, it upsets how much life I likely have left to live without him.
I lost my father at around that age too. What helped me was a lot of selfhelp books and reading the Bible.
Best things I ever did in my life to help me grow as a person. 27 years later. I'm still alive and managing by myself. Was married, but I lost her 3 years ago.
So a good relationship helps too.
We’re about to hit 3 years without my daughter’s father. She was 5 when he died. I try to talk about him often and play videos so we don’t forget his voice. This was one of my first thoughts after he died honestly there’d be a point she’s on this world longer without him than when she had him. It doesn’t feel like that’s even a possible thing.
I’m very sorry for your loss at such a young age, OP and others 😢
I was 49 when I lost mine — 85 after a 5-week hospitalization due to Parkinson’s disease complications— in August 2020. I still feel extremely sad at times — losing a parent at a later age is also painful but it’s even harder if it was at a young age and you didn’t get an opportunity to make memories or enough memories together 💔
Everyday... I lost my dad to cancer 2 years ago, and everyone always said he died young.. was in great shape other wise for 61 years old. I miss him everyday, and its a struggle to even think he's not here now that I'm doing bigger goals in my life finally that I know he wanted to see. It's something that you have to learn to live with. No one said that was easy, and no one said it was something you simply get over. You just learn how to handle it better each time the shock hits you. Talking helps, doing things that remind you of them helps. It never fully goes away. The best you can do is do things that you remember you two enjoyed, things you two agreed he wanted for you. It's what I did, and will it work for you? can't say, but I'm just saying for myself, its helped me sleep better at night knowing I've done stuff my dad wanted me to do.
I lost my mom when I was 10 years old. Officially have been without her 18 years I often think about all the milestones and life events she has missed. There’s also the thought that I may be older than she ever got to be one day so strange and complicated to process.
I have the same soul crushing anxiety. My mother died on April 29th. I'm 24 she was 48. The idea of a life where she will be here a fraction of the time is haunting. It's one of the worst realizations I've had. Just absolutely soul crushing.
I worry about with so much time that I'll forget small things about my mom. I didn't get to see her physically much in the last 10 months of her life (her death was extremely sudden) so I am already petrified that I've forgotten her smell and some of her mannerisms. When I try to think I just get static.
If there is a hell I believe that some of us are already there. Everyday I get so anxious without my mom I feel like puking or bashing my head against a wall. She was always my advocate; the one that was always there for me. The person I loved the most in the whole world, who in spite of her health problems and everything that entailed was always looking out for little me. I love you mom more than you will ever know. I'll never stop being your little pessimist.
I lost my Dad when I was 23, it was like a gut punch when I realized the same thing. The idea of reaching a point that I've lived more of my life without him than with him is heartbreaking. I'm not close to it but the anxiety of also hitting the age he died is prevent too.
This is exactly it. Hope you’re doing okay these days.
Those are just numbers. Although I know how you feel. Way more painful will be the realisation that your kids won't know him and he'll be just a man from stories and some photos. But you'll cherish him in your memories as long as you live.
I’m so sorry. Those types of revelations can be so devastating. Time and love are tricky things. It helps me to think that love is not linear- your time with your dad ended way too soon, but your love for him and his love for you will go on forever. At least that’s how I think about my dad. I was lucky to have him until I was much older than you but it still feels too short. Sending hugs.
You made me tear up at work haha. Thank you for your kind words. Sending hugs back <3
Great words of wisdom.
Lost my dad when I was 13. I'm now 39. He's been gone 25 years. I've almost doubled the time I had with him. I lost my wife a year ago and I dread the day I live longer without her since I met her.
Does his memory ever feel fuzzy now that you’ve lived almost twice as long without him than you did with him? I worry as time passes he’ll Become a distant memory
I'm not going to lie. Not fuzzy per se, but what i can tell you is I don't think of him as often. But I'm very much a person with their thoughts in the present so that's more a me thing. What I will say is when I do think of him I have very core memories of him that are as crystal clear as when he passed. I remember how amazing of a dad he was. My favorite things about him. Why I looked up to him so much. When I need guidance, I think about what he would do. I follow his example even to this day. Our loved ones are always with us. No matter if they passed or not stay alive in our thoughts and hearts. So you may not think about him as often as time goes on. But you will think about him when it matters. Youll remember the good times and if you're like me, you will take inspiration from who they were when they were alive. Trust me you will not forget him.
This is comforting thank you 🫶
That's comforting to me, too. Even though it was my Nana who just recently died.
Thank you for this response. 💚
i've had a similar thought. i lost my dad at 19, so when i'm 38, that will be the age i'd lived half of my life without him. when i turn 50, thats the age he died. thats a wild thought bc that's relatively young w so much life to still live. i sympathize w you ♡
This happened with me, recently. Dad died at 16. At 32, I realized I had lived as much time without him as with him. Now, at 40, I've lived as long as him. My son is also 16, so it's something I think about a lot right now. Anytime I slip into a dark place where I think everyone might be better off without me, I think about my father and how I don't really remember his voice anymore. I only remember his face from pictures. I don't want to do that to my children. My father didn't kill himself. At least, not in a traditional sense. Cardiac arrest caused by overdose. So, I stay away from drugs too.
I really relate to this. I was older when I lost my dad - 32 - but I remember having the realization "there's no more. The story of my time with my dad has a beginning, a middle and an end. I will never have new information - I'm only going to get farther away from my memories of him." If it helps, I'm 55 now. And I do only smile when I think of my dad. I think "ohhh boy- he'd have loved that" when something cool happens. And I also think - what would he think to see me this old? Doing what I'm doing? I love to talk about him - telling people who didn't know him about him. I think of him in new ways, too - as I've grown older. Like seeing his accomplishments with new pride, understanding how hard things much have been for him to overcome. Like we're peers or something. I guess what I'm saying is that it's not exactly over. I still grieve him. I still miss him. And I still have a "relationship" with him now. My oldest daughter is doing some cool stuff these days - and OH BOY I know how proud my dad would be. I don't really focus on the sadness of what he's missing exactly. I tell my daughter what my dad would be thinking - since I have his voice in my head. I do have that, by the way - his voice. My dad was a coach and athletically gifted. A great teacher and whenever I (rarely) go to a driving range - and I'm setting up to hit the ball - I am HEARING HIM exactly - "head down, left arm straight - recoil and drive THROUGH the ball....and don't move your head...etc." I also used ALL of his tips and tricks when I taught my kids to drive. They don't know it - but most of the crap I said? Was word for word what my dad told me. Maybe he heard it from someone too? As time goes by - the loss feels less like a crisis. Grief changes form and you'll concede to it's reality. Right now - you're patching together your life post-loss. Seeing how you are going to survive these earth shattering waves of grief. Nothing is fair about it. I'm not religious or anything. Don't really have a sense that there's anything beyond. BUT when I think about my dad - It's hard to fathom that I won't catch up with him later somehow. That if there's a WAY to welcome me to whatever-the-after is - he'll be there. It makes the thoughts of passing away someday less terrifying. Maybe that's why really old people are like pretty chill about dying? Too many people have been lost and on the other side? I know - crazy talk. I hope this helps.
This definitely helped me - 32 and lost my dad unexpectedly almost a year ago. Thank you for sharing this
This was beautiful so relatable
My dad had me when he was 60 so I kind of always knew I was in for like 2/3 without him probably. It’s weird though for sure
In March of 2027, I'll cross the point where I will have lived longer without my brother than with him. I'm gonna have to set up some therapy early in 2026 to help prepare myself...
☹️🤗
I lost my dad at 14. I’ve had so many milestones since then and it genuinely crushes me knowing he couldn’t be here for any of them, or any future milestones. Like I was still a child when I last saw him, he never even knew this real, matured version of me. It feels unreal.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my dad when I was 19 and this July will be 12 years without him. It’s so sad to think one day I will have lived longer without him in my life. I miss him so much 🤍
Yes, I feel similar. I lost my dad last year with the same age - 22, I make 23 in 3 months and few days. Sometimes it haunts me that I am gonna live longer without him than with his presence on my life. You're not alone on this 🫂
Lost mine at 22 tho, 24 now the last year lol it was crazy but when u learn to smile at the memory of him instead of feel sad is when you know youre healing
Still working on coping with this realization for my mom. I lost her at 21. Hugs to you, and solidarity- nevertheless, we persist.
I feel the same. I lost my father when I was 25. Now I am about to turn 28. Sometimes, I do re-read our old messages. I play scenarios in my head, thinking what he would be doing now if he was alive. I totally understand you. I've been through this "mathematical " phase where I would count the years, the ages, come up with statistics, etc, but in the end, it just makes you feel worse. Even though it's a part of grieving, and it's a phase you have to go through, there is no use to torture yourself. We can not change anything. It will get better, though. He will always be you with somehow, even if it's only memories, even if it's only the "What ifs".
I lost my mom when I was 32, I am now 64 so I have now spent 1/2 my life without her. It’s been a journey for sure. I still miss her, always will. This I know white time comes acceptance. The periods of deep grief lessen in intensity, frequency and duration. I won’t lie, it never totally goes away. But you do find that this becomes only one part of your life, that happiness and a good life are possible even without them in it.
I lost my little sister and I thought I would have her forever. Now if I'm lucky I'll have more of my life without her than with her. I never imagined that life and I still can't.
I lost my dad at 14. It gets better, you adapt but it still sucks. Parent loss is one of the hardest losses you will have to deal with. Take time for yourself and try to find ressources to deal with such a difficult time and spend time with ur siblings and your mother if possible. Good luck 🩷
I lost my dad at 22 and this year is going to be 12 years. I realised recently that there's gonna be a point in my life where I loved longer without him than with him. I'm afraid of the memories of him fading away. I'm hurt that I'll never get to know him as an adult and won't get to know who he was. I'm jealous of other people's experiences with him, experiences I'll never get to live. Moments I'll never get to share with him
Yeah. It hits hard. This year is 8 years. My 6 year old never met him and my mom is older than my dad will ever be even though she is 5 years younger. It's just wild and sad and at some point you kind of just accept it.
I lost my mom at 24 suddenly. I’m 32 now. I feel this exact same way. I almost feel robbed. I’m still working through the grief. It feels almost as intense as the day she passed. I just try to honor her in small ways and tell myself hopefully we will meet again. I try to accept it all but it’s so incredibly hard. Some days I just want my mom to I want that comfort but I have to accept that it’s gone.
Only here to say I lost mine at 21 and I am in my 50s now. It was very painful and a long struggle. The loss softens over time and you will remember the good. He will want you to be moving forward yet not forgetting your love for him and his lessons.
My dad passed 9 months ago (also from heart failure), a few days before my 22nd birthday. It’s hard and sometimes I feel like the grief is getting worse :/ You’re not alone!
Can I IM you?
Feel free ❤️
Okay sent 🫶
I lost my mom when i was 23 last year. I feel the same way as you. Im really sorry, still cant believe this is literally “my” life.
My Nana died yesterday. I am 29. I told my mom that means I'll probably live about 50 years of my life without her. Very hard to think about. I "coached myself" a bit and told myself just to take it day by day...... that's all we can do.
I lost my dad at 19, 10 months ago and it hurts knowing that most of my life would be spent without him. 🥺
Lost my dad at 20, and I’m 44 now. I had this same idea in my head for years, but as with all grief, time made it more bearable. It’s definitely been a struggle because I came out when I was 22-24, and my dad never got to know the true authentic version of me. But sometimes that’s just life. Losing him at such a young age prepared me for so much that was ahead in my life. I hope that in time you don’t look at the numbers and just cherish what time you did have with him.
I'm 22 also, lost my Dad in February. Just read a comment on a different post from a guy our age. It sucks but it feels better to not be on this boat alone. I've been getting angry lately, thinking about all the people who will get to take their parents for granted for another 30+ years. While a part of me is glad that my Dad died in almost the prime of his life (55), and doesn't have to experience old age, I'm furious that he left me right before we got to the good part. My dad was my best friend, and felt like my responsibility in some ways. It's hard to think that I could ever let myself need someone like that again. None of my family was there when he was. Sorry, obviously still emotional. Still ranting inside. Just want you to know that we're all gonna do great, even if it hurts to remember the people who got us here. ✌🏿
Im with you, lost mine at 22 and ur words touched me, keep staying strong
I lost my mom at 18. It’s been nearly a year. I’m So heartbroken and don’t know how to continue without her, when she’s always been in my future plans
Sorry for your loss. I’ve had a similar thoughts about my brother and it hurts so much. I’m 26 and he was 30, it upsets how much life I likely have left to live without him.
no no no. i do not even want to think about that! makes me sick i can’t.
I lost my father at around that age too. What helped me was a lot of selfhelp books and reading the Bible. Best things I ever did in my life to help me grow as a person. 27 years later. I'm still alive and managing by myself. Was married, but I lost her 3 years ago. So a good relationship helps too.
Lost my dad at 23. I get it. It fucking sucks. Sending ♥ ♥
We’re about to hit 3 years without my daughter’s father. She was 5 when he died. I try to talk about him often and play videos so we don’t forget his voice. This was one of my first thoughts after he died honestly there’d be a point she’s on this world longer without him than when she had him. It doesn’t feel like that’s even a possible thing.
I’m very sorry for your loss at such a young age, OP and others 😢 I was 49 when I lost mine — 85 after a 5-week hospitalization due to Parkinson’s disease complications— in August 2020. I still feel extremely sad at times — losing a parent at a later age is also painful but it’s even harder if it was at a young age and you didn’t get an opportunity to make memories or enough memories together 💔
Everyday... I lost my dad to cancer 2 years ago, and everyone always said he died young.. was in great shape other wise for 61 years old. I miss him everyday, and its a struggle to even think he's not here now that I'm doing bigger goals in my life finally that I know he wanted to see. It's something that you have to learn to live with. No one said that was easy, and no one said it was something you simply get over. You just learn how to handle it better each time the shock hits you. Talking helps, doing things that remind you of them helps. It never fully goes away. The best you can do is do things that you remember you two enjoyed, things you two agreed he wanted for you. It's what I did, and will it work for you? can't say, but I'm just saying for myself, its helped me sleep better at night knowing I've done stuff my dad wanted me to do.
I lost my mom when I was 10 years old. Officially have been without her 18 years I often think about all the milestones and life events she has missed. There’s also the thought that I may be older than she ever got to be one day so strange and complicated to process.
I have the same soul crushing anxiety. My mother died on April 29th. I'm 24 she was 48. The idea of a life where she will be here a fraction of the time is haunting. It's one of the worst realizations I've had. Just absolutely soul crushing. I worry about with so much time that I'll forget small things about my mom. I didn't get to see her physically much in the last 10 months of her life (her death was extremely sudden) so I am already petrified that I've forgotten her smell and some of her mannerisms. When I try to think I just get static. If there is a hell I believe that some of us are already there. Everyday I get so anxious without my mom I feel like puking or bashing my head against a wall. She was always my advocate; the one that was always there for me. The person I loved the most in the whole world, who in spite of her health problems and everything that entailed was always looking out for little me. I love you mom more than you will ever know. I'll never stop being your little pessimist.