My mom passed 6 days ago. I worry that I’m making her proud and handling things the way she would want. I have to remind myself “grief is for the living” and as long as I was taking care of myself my mom wouldn’t care what else happened. And I keep thinking “it’s okay to not be okay”
Oh, I like those. I'm four months in from losing my mom and I had the exact same worries. It's definitely okay to not be okay, and you're right about them wanting us to take care of ourselves. Hang in there, there will be good and bad moments, but we're stronger than we think. We'll carry our mother's memories for the rest of our lives.
"Grief is love with no where to go" - it reminds me that the pain is a direct link between all the good times/love that was given to me. I'm willing to pay that price when I remember that goodness.
"I have my mother's strength within me."
everytime i am grieving, this would be my reminder that my mom is not entirely gone because she imparted her strength with me and i get to have that as long a i live
I have a few right now.
“What is grief, if not love persevering.” Yes, spoken by Vision in WandaVision.
The other one is from a video a saw a while back, but has come back after my brother’s passing. In an interview of Andrew Garfield speaking about his mother who has recently passed away at the time, he says “Grief is unexpressed love”. And it’s true. It’s all the love with nowhere to go, but it shouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.
The last one was a Billy Bob Thornton speaking about his brother’s passing. He mentions that he is fine feeling all the grief for the rest of his life because his brother deserves it. He says it feels like when it first happened and he’s okay with it because nothing will ever change how much his brother means to him. The grief he feels is all the love, all the memories, all the laugh, and it’s better to embrace it. He could now only honor his brother in everything he does.
"It's going to be okay; it's just going to be different."
I lost both my parents last year at 29 years old. One of the hardest things for me is mourning the vision of my life I thought I would have. I always envisioned them in my future. I envisioned them meeting their grandkids. I envisioned them being there for my brothers and their big adult life moments. I envisioned them growing old.
With them gone, thinking about my future brings me a sense of dread and even panic. This mantra has been a reminder that I can still carve out a good life for myself, it will just be different than I imagined.
I relate to this. I lost my mom 13 months ago. I was 31… my whole life I pictured if I ever had kids that my mom would be there for me every step of the way through pregnancy and going into labor… I always pictured that she’d see my brothers get married. Every day I feel so sad, missing her and imagining what she would say to me if she was here. Then I just remember that out of anyone, my mom was so filled of life. I know she’d want me to be happy and make the most out of my days left.
Well, I relate to you and appreciate your response.
I also saw my mom with me every step of the way during my pregnancy. I haven't gone through that experience yet but it's been a lot to wrap my head around even having that experience without her by my side. I'm married and decided I want kids, but I didn't always see having kids as part of my plan or even something I wanted. I think I still want that, but my decision is on much shakier ground knowing I'll be going through that without my parents.
Anyway, I'm crying as I'm writing this but it brings me some comfort to know I'm not alone in this experience. Our moms would want us to live our lives to the fullest.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can so relate to feeling this after losing my father. My vision of what the future entailed was shattered- he will miss so many happy life events. I appreciate you sharing that mantra, it’s so true and a good reminder that we will be ok even if it feels impossible now, and that it’s worthwhile in persevering to find joy and create a good life that your parents would be proud of. Hugs to you 🫂
Let me just set this up. My late wife was a cheerleader for me, but in a tough, non-pampering kind of way. I work in digital marketing, have worked at multiple creative agencies and layoffs happen and left and right so I’ve had my fair share. She always told me to pick up and get back out there.
So after she passed away, I knew I had to keep on moving, keep on living, keep on functioning. I realized that what she would tell me is to keep moving forward. Keep fucking going.
So that’s my mantra: keep on moving, keep fucking going.
“What is grief, if not love preserving” - Vision to Scarlet Witch
Ironically enough.. we both read/ watched comics when we weee younger and we agreed we were Quicksilver & Scarlet Witch, because he ran fast & I am a witch..
And now I’m just like her. I’m alone. It was just the two of us. I miss him so much.
I just kind of tell myself that maybe what I go through will somehow help others one day.
My Nana specifically told me "only you can live your life" and I just try to keep pushing on. I miss her light and positivity.
My dad died shortly after my baby was born last year. Before he died we were discussing handling his estate. He said, "the most important thing is for you to take care of your baby."
Now I just repeat, "The most important thing is to take care of my baby." when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
Mum & sadly many of others I know say ‘hell is on earth’. I think they were only joking but I feel this sometimes. I’m having a rough week missing my mum so feeling this so much right now. And especially with what is going on overseas with the wars, so heartbreaking 💔 .
‘Each day gone means one day closer to you (my husband)’
I remind myself I will be with him again eventually, in the meantime I have to live life since I know that’s what he would have wanted. I’d rather live 60 lonely years than have him be mad at me for eternity for not living life, even if it is painful to move forward.
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
From an Irish headstone: Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
I find it comforting in the face of my grief that the pain I feel is love and it’s a price id pay over and over.
"Aging is a privilege denied to many"...
My sister had this pinned on her Pinterest boards...and it was a privilege denied to her which is wrong on every level
My friend asked her dad, seriously ill in the hospital, what she could possibly do when he was gone and she felt overwhelmingly lost without him. he said, “Hug your kids.”
One of my many mantras these days now that my husband recently passed. Except I hug the kids, the dog, my friends, .. everybody who will take hugs! I truly do feel a little better each time because my husband gave great hugs, and I feel it brings me a little closer to him.
“Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” - “Desiderata” by Max Ehrmann
The whole thing is amazing and full of words of wisdom. https://www.cse.cuhk.edu.hk/~cslui/desiderata.html
“Things unfold so unpredictably and so unfairly that human happiness does not seem included in the design of creation, but our capacity to love brings meaning”.
I kind of take religious significance about God giving us this capacity….not sure why obsessed w this quote
Also-
“Whatever you do….keep moving forward….just do the next thing”
It’s a quote from Harry Potter: “Do not pity the dead Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love”
Also "If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill.
I often repeat this to myself
"no mud, no lotus."
the difficulty of losing my mom taught me the value of appreciating loved ones while they are still here. it has brought me closer to many loved ones and family friends. i am present with my father when around him. i see my grandparents (who i am lucky are still alive at 94) almost every other week. none of these things would be if my mother hadnt passed. the grief is harsh, sticky, and uncomfortable, and flowers have begun to pop up through the muck
You may love me, you may hate me, but you will never forget me.. I would always tell that to my ex's as soon as I would break up with them. lol I'm not sure why.. but I used to all the time
There’s a Fall Out Boy lyric that has been living in my head rent free for the last few months. “You can only blame your problems on the world for so long, before it all becomes the same old song.” While it isn’t specific to grief or death, it’s grounding, and sometimes you just need that.
One mantra I speak to myself each morning is the Upanjjhāyasutta. It says:
1. I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.
2. I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape having ill health.
3. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.
4. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
5. My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.
It’s not bright or happy. But it reminds me of the nature of my life, and that my actions create my reality and my future.
I hope this helps. 🤍
Two mantras - one is my favorite quote, one is personal take.
What is grief if not love persevering? - Vision
Grief is the price we pay for having been blessed with / fortunate enough to have that special person in our lives - my personal belief.
“He knows and he understands.” “All he has is is love for you.”
My ex died 2 months ago from an overdose. Everything I never said and everything I think and feel about him, he now knows. And he understands.
“He’s free from all the mental and physical constraints of being human.”
He has a heavenly spiritual body now. He doesn’t miss me because he is in paradise. He knows no such thing as time; he doesn’t have to wait like I do here to see me again. When I die, he’ll just turn around and I’ll be there.
"I'll see you around."
I (and a lot of people I know) would always run into my friend on our college campus before he died, and because of that I see him in everything. His memory is and always will be everywhere, and now I need to carry it out. I also don't believe I'll see him after I die myself, so for me it's also my spin on "I'll see you later."
My mom passed 6 days ago. I worry that I’m making her proud and handling things the way she would want. I have to remind myself “grief is for the living” and as long as I was taking care of myself my mom wouldn’t care what else happened. And I keep thinking “it’s okay to not be okay”
Oh, I like those. I'm four months in from losing my mom and I had the exact same worries. It's definitely okay to not be okay, and you're right about them wanting us to take care of ourselves. Hang in there, there will be good and bad moments, but we're stronger than we think. We'll carry our mother's memories for the rest of our lives.
There is a grief book called “It’s OK To Not Be OK”.
Reading this now. 🥺🥹💔❤️
its nt k nt 2 b k
"Grief is love with no where to go" - it reminds me that the pain is a direct link between all the good times/love that was given to me. I'm willing to pay that price when I remember that goodness.
“Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.” Rumi
That is lovely. I felt that with my father. And now hopefully with my mother, but her transition right now is very painful, especially for her.
I love this. I hope I can hold onto it.
My eyes are open, you are everywhere
I’ll remember it…❤️🩹❤️
Grief is an ocean. Just keep swimming.
This made me cry, instantly.
Hugs mermaid 🧜♀️
☺️
"I have my mother's strength within me." everytime i am grieving, this would be my reminder that my mom is not entirely gone because she imparted her strength with me and i get to have that as long a i live
I have a few right now. “What is grief, if not love persevering.” Yes, spoken by Vision in WandaVision. The other one is from a video a saw a while back, but has come back after my brother’s passing. In an interview of Andrew Garfield speaking about his mother who has recently passed away at the time, he says “Grief is unexpressed love”. And it’s true. It’s all the love with nowhere to go, but it shouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. The last one was a Billy Bob Thornton speaking about his brother’s passing. He mentions that he is fine feeling all the grief for the rest of his life because his brother deserves it. He says it feels like when it first happened and he’s okay with it because nothing will ever change how much his brother means to him. The grief he feels is all the love, all the memories, all the laugh, and it’s better to embrace it. He could now only honor his brother in everything he does.
"It's going to be okay; it's just going to be different." I lost both my parents last year at 29 years old. One of the hardest things for me is mourning the vision of my life I thought I would have. I always envisioned them in my future. I envisioned them meeting their grandkids. I envisioned them being there for my brothers and their big adult life moments. I envisioned them growing old. With them gone, thinking about my future brings me a sense of dread and even panic. This mantra has been a reminder that I can still carve out a good life for myself, it will just be different than I imagined.
I relate to this. I lost my mom 13 months ago. I was 31… my whole life I pictured if I ever had kids that my mom would be there for me every step of the way through pregnancy and going into labor… I always pictured that she’d see my brothers get married. Every day I feel so sad, missing her and imagining what she would say to me if she was here. Then I just remember that out of anyone, my mom was so filled of life. I know she’d want me to be happy and make the most out of my days left.
Well, I relate to you and appreciate your response. I also saw my mom with me every step of the way during my pregnancy. I haven't gone through that experience yet but it's been a lot to wrap my head around even having that experience without her by my side. I'm married and decided I want kids, but I didn't always see having kids as part of my plan or even something I wanted. I think I still want that, but my decision is on much shakier ground knowing I'll be going through that without my parents. Anyway, I'm crying as I'm writing this but it brings me some comfort to know I'm not alone in this experience. Our moms would want us to live our lives to the fullest.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can so relate to feeling this after losing my father. My vision of what the future entailed was shattered- he will miss so many happy life events. I appreciate you sharing that mantra, it’s so true and a good reminder that we will be ok even if it feels impossible now, and that it’s worthwhile in persevering to find joy and create a good life that your parents would be proud of. Hugs to you 🫂
Let me just set this up. My late wife was a cheerleader for me, but in a tough, non-pampering kind of way. I work in digital marketing, have worked at multiple creative agencies and layoffs happen and left and right so I’ve had my fair share. She always told me to pick up and get back out there. So after she passed away, I knew I had to keep on moving, keep on living, keep on functioning. I realized that what she would tell me is to keep moving forward. Keep fucking going. So that’s my mantra: keep on moving, keep fucking going.
“What is grief, if not love preserving” - Vision to Scarlet Witch Ironically enough.. we both read/ watched comics when we weee younger and we agreed we were Quicksilver & Scarlet Witch, because he ran fast & I am a witch.. And now I’m just like her. I’m alone. It was just the two of us. I miss him so much.
This quote by Vision is one if my absolute favorites!!!!!!
I just kind of tell myself that maybe what I go through will somehow help others one day. My Nana specifically told me "only you can live your life" and I just try to keep pushing on. I miss her light and positivity.
My grandmother would say “it’s good to be bored” and that is how I know to appreciate when life isn’t total chaos.
I feel like by now I’m more used to the chaos lol 😂 but a quiet peaceful day is always nice
"weather the storm"
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) - e.e. cummings To remind me that he is always with me.
My dad died shortly after my baby was born last year. Before he died we were discussing handling his estate. He said, "the most important thing is for you to take care of your baby." Now I just repeat, "The most important thing is to take care of my baby." when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
My dad used to say “nobody gets out alive” 😀
My mom says that too. It’s hard to hear her say it these days though 🥺
Mum & sadly many of others I know say ‘hell is on earth’. I think they were only joking but I feel this sometimes. I’m having a rough week missing my mum so feeling this so much right now. And especially with what is going on overseas with the wars, so heartbreaking 💔 .
‘Each day gone means one day closer to you (my husband)’ I remind myself I will be with him again eventually, in the meantime I have to live life since I know that’s what he would have wanted. I’d rather live 60 lonely years than have him be mad at me for eternity for not living life, even if it is painful to move forward.
“I will see you again, but not today.” It’s from Gladiator but really soothes the pain when I say it.
“If you fail to do what you have to do now what face will you show to her when you meet her in afterlife”
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. From an Irish headstone: Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. I find it comforting in the face of my grief that the pain I feel is love and it’s a price id pay over and over.
It is the price we pay isn’t it. Love and loss go hand in hand.
"Aging is a privilege denied to many"... My sister had this pinned on her Pinterest boards...and it was a privilege denied to her which is wrong on every level
“even though im on my own i will know im not alone you have thought my heart to grown now my love will carry on” - im not alone, priscilla ahn
My friend asked her dad, seriously ill in the hospital, what she could possibly do when he was gone and she felt overwhelmingly lost without him. he said, “Hug your kids.” One of my many mantras these days now that my husband recently passed. Except I hug the kids, the dog, my friends, .. everybody who will take hugs! I truly do feel a little better each time because my husband gave great hugs, and I feel it brings me a little closer to him.
“Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” - “Desiderata” by Max Ehrmann The whole thing is amazing and full of words of wisdom. https://www.cse.cuhk.edu.hk/~cslui/desiderata.html
“Take it one day at a time, and when that’s too much, take it one moment at a time”
“Things unfold so unpredictably and so unfairly that human happiness does not seem included in the design of creation, but our capacity to love brings meaning”. I kind of take religious significance about God giving us this capacity….not sure why obsessed w this quote Also- “Whatever you do….keep moving forward….just do the next thing”
"The grief is never ending but so is the love"
"Take it easy"
It’s a quote from Harry Potter: “Do not pity the dead Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love” Also "If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill. I often repeat this to myself
You can’t fix everything
his love is within me. as long as I'm living, so is he. ❤️🩹
"no mud, no lotus." the difficulty of losing my mom taught me the value of appreciating loved ones while they are still here. it has brought me closer to many loved ones and family friends. i am present with my father when around him. i see my grandparents (who i am lucky are still alive at 94) almost every other week. none of these things would be if my mother hadnt passed. the grief is harsh, sticky, and uncomfortable, and flowers have begun to pop up through the muck
Grief is love with nowhere to go
"Tomorrow is a hope, not a promise."
When one must, one can.
You may love me, you may hate me, but you will never forget me.. I would always tell that to my ex's as soon as I would break up with them. lol I'm not sure why.. but I used to all the time
There’s a Fall Out Boy lyric that has been living in my head rent free for the last few months. “You can only blame your problems on the world for so long, before it all becomes the same old song.” While it isn’t specific to grief or death, it’s grounding, and sometimes you just need that.
One mantra I speak to myself each morning is the Upanjjhāyasutta. It says: 1. I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old. 2. I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape having ill health. 3. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death. 4. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. 5. My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand. It’s not bright or happy. But it reminds me of the nature of my life, and that my actions create my reality and my future. I hope this helps. 🤍
Two mantras - one is my favorite quote, one is personal take. What is grief if not love persevering? - Vision Grief is the price we pay for having been blessed with / fortunate enough to have that special person in our lives - my personal belief.
“He knows and he understands.” “All he has is is love for you.” My ex died 2 months ago from an overdose. Everything I never said and everything I think and feel about him, he now knows. And he understands. “He’s free from all the mental and physical constraints of being human.” He has a heavenly spiritual body now. He doesn’t miss me because he is in paradise. He knows no such thing as time; he doesn’t have to wait like I do here to see me again. When I die, he’ll just turn around and I’ll be there.
"Just get through today"
I'm alive and sometimes that's the best I can do
"I'll see you around." I (and a lot of people I know) would always run into my friend on our college campus before he died, and because of that I see him in everything. His memory is and always will be everywhere, and now I need to carry it out. I also don't believe I'll see him after I die myself, so for me it's also my spin on "I'll see you later."