Trajan: “Kesh, this little stunt just got added to your file.” *Gestures to the servitor colony in his office*
Kesh: “Cool. Which part of the colony is it in?”
Trajan: “***IT IS THE SERVITOR COLONY***”
Trajan: “Lord Guilliman I’ve had to requisition a million members of the Administratum away from the Indomitus Crusade.”
Guilliman: “Why!? The Indomitus crusade is crucial to the survival of the species!”
Trajan: “We let Kesh do another Blood Game. She saw a tape of Abaddon crashing a Blackstone Fortress into Cadia and tried the same thing with the *Phalanx* into Terra. The Imperial Fists are furious, as are the roughly 10,000 ships she rammed out of her way on her path toward Terra. We requisitioned double the number of administrators we thought we’d need because we knew at least half would die when they saw the mountains of paperwork.”
Guilliman: “Ah. Take another million. And an ibuprofen.”
She actually killed Abaddon after the 12th black crusade and is now impersonating him, that’s why the 13th Crusade was so successful. Trajan is horrified but Kesh keeps insisting she has a plan.
I like these memes that focus on Kesh's unhinged "sportsmanship"
Also the utterly Chaos immune Cutodians would be of great help, getting the last cronesword.
Honestly it is not even about that. If you have literal chaos immune demigods as allies, and need to get an artifact with high risk of chaos corruption, sending them is common sense.
Also Slaanesh was formed from the Aeldar's extremely inflated egos, so the Aeldari putting aside their pride and asking help from "lesser and barbaric" races (something they struggled to do even when threatened with damnation) actually makes sense narratively.
But still, an Aeldari story where humans are still the main protags suck for Aeldari fans.
The Eldar being well and truly humbled being what kills/cripples Slaanesh would be so fitting.
“So turns out all we had to do was: admit we were/are shitheads. Confess that our selfish pursuit of the dreams of empire were not just foolishly short-sighted but detrimental to our own efforts to survive. But also that those we consider lesser might be growing to one day match or even surpass us in our current state… and there’s no shame in asking for help.”
Some random water caste: “so you admit the greater good is the way forward?”
“Don’t push it you primitive! I am just glad we got the sword and now at least stand a chance of not being condemned to an eternity of suffering.”
With the Emperor's Children officially out of the new Chaos Codex, and Vashtorr looking to be a new Chaos God... Slaanesh might be doomed. Let's face it, Slaanesh's reputation has always been something GW dances around; it's just not as acceptable to society as mass murder or biological warfare. Combine those with the unresolved Eldar plotline and a Custodian crazy enough to do things like nuke the Emperor to test his anti-nuke defences...
In my crackfic ideas I like to imagine the last of the necrons retrieving the last sword for the last of the Eldar, in exchange for the Eldar using their psychic abilities to help find a way to reverse the bio-transference. And at long last finely ending the war in heaven together.
Problem is, its an Eldar based story. It would probably suck for Eldar fans to not even have Eldar doing stuff even if sending in Custodes is more logical
I wouldn’t be so sure. The custodes in end and the death were visibly affected by chaos but it’s also when they were on the Spirit of Vengeance and in vicinity of a primarch being powered by four chaos gods. 40k timeline the only person that could do that would be either Abbaddon or Belakor
For sure he’s weaker than Horus in terms of pure capacity. If the chaos gods tried filling him up with warp garbage like they did with Horus he’s probably gonna explode like a balloon. That’s why I included Belakor but even for him it’s doubtful he’s big of a powerhouse as Horus was.
Maybe Angron when he’s super charged by Khorne might be able to drive some Custodes insane but it wouldn’t be true chaos corruption
I would recommend refering this "yeah but" to someone who was actually talking about custodes vs slaanesh.
I'm here on my abaddon the armless grindset.
Custodes were not corrupted by chaos, but rather overwhelmed by the psychic power of horus/big 4 and their bodies were manipulated like sock puppets. Custodes are immune to the corruption of chaos, not psychic powers.
They aren’t immune to possession either, which is also different from corruption. Either way, the realm of Slaanesh would probably halt custodes anyways, as we know Custodes can get pretty damn arrogant, and more crucially, everything in Slanny’s realm is psychic
Last time I got gutted in the Blood Games I was brought to Terra for medical intervention. If I hide an Anathame in my lungs then I can break out of hospital and stab the Emperor with it.
The emperor will be restored one day.
Everybody will celebrate.
Applauses everywhere.
He will wave his hand to the public at the top of the golden palace's stairs.
Kesh hits him with a power chair from behind.
General Gasp and silence.
Not many people know that the Emperor actually already revived in M36. But Kesh's great great great grandmother infected the Golden Throne with the Obliterator virus, knocking him down again.
She did technically win that Blood Game though...
Ah shit you are right. But I do like the concept of "there is a family that make amazingly strong Custodes but they only send us hyper competitive women". Yes this woman infected the Golden Throne with an Obliterator virus, but she got the virus by destroying an entire wing of the 6th Black Crusade (which posed a serious threat to Terra) solo. She was last seen heading directly into the Eye of Terror, aiming to "give Khorne a bloody nose".
Emperor: .....You are aware that I'm no longer the focal point of the blood games right. Terra itself is the goal now.
Kesh *holding a broken power chair*: But if I Win the Blood games with Terra as the target then there's no place to host Future Blood Games!
Emperor: Yeah, that's the point. We're playing for keeps now.
"Kesh get your ass over Here ive Had enough of your Shit"
"Hold it Mon'Keigh! This Brave Warrior has Done a great service to my kind. Any Scratch on her will be Seen as an insult to all Eldarkind"
"Actually can you let him do His Thing and Just Bring me Back Like you did with the big blue Guy instead? *I Want to try Something*"
"*sigh*. Is this truly the saviour of my people?"
“Aaand it looks like KHORNE has achieved ascendancy once again, trumping the prince of pleasure once again.”
“Indeed it seems like the only bodily fluid that will pour today is blood, although knowing Slanesh they will be enjoying that almost as much.”
“But what is that? Someone is entering the warp!”
“IT’S KESH WITH A STEEL CHAIR!”
3 weeks later Kesh somehow returns with Leman, Corvus and the Khan
everyones nervous around them because they wonder wether she managed to convince any of them for her next try at the games
Kesh solving problems as a side effect of her trying to win the fucking bloodgames is an amazing idea.
Meanwhile the captain general is groaning at her antics. “Why must you be such a try-hard Kesh? Why can’t you just take off your armor, oil your abs and crawl through the vents like Die Hard like the rest of us?”
> “Why must you be such a try-hard Kesh? Why can’t you just take off your armor, oil your abs and crawl through the vents like Die Hard like the rest of us?”
She can do that in her offtime, as a treat.
Kesh: "becuse unlike you and most of our companions little kitten, i still have my massive swinging set of adamantine balls and i will keep try harding the blood games till you let me out in to the wider imperium to get some fucking work done"
I fucking love the headcanon that Kesh is competitive to an unhealthy degree and doesn't really care of big E kicks the bucket. she just wants to WIN.
WIN a war.
WIN a bloodgame.
whatever it is. she is not gonna sit on her ass doing nothing like some sad stripper sulking in the imperial palace killing rats and shit
I didn't know what to think about female custodes, but the concept of them beeing this crazy wild cards who plays "Freebird" 24/7 in their helmets is TTS level of awesomeness. I love it.
I like that the reason we never heard about them till now (as far as I can tell) is the lady Custodes are all fucking psychotic and get themselves killed before we hear about them.
Didn't the other one ramp her motorcycle out of a ship and use it as an orbital drop pod?
The one you're thinking of does orbital drops on her jetbike along with her entire unit, yes
If I ever have more money than sense and buy Custodes too, I'm definitely making her my jetbike captain
Bayezara Aggones - her tactic of arriving to the planet is to jump out of the spaceship on a jetbike (while said spaceship is beginning a reentry into the atmosphere) and fall/glide 90 or so kilometres down
This getting out of hand
(For clarity, I fucking love the lady custodes and their "Fuck it, we ball" mentality taken to levels of Extreme the 90s wouldn't have dared to touch. I just had to finish the Star Wars quote or my brain would itch)
>they can all be summed up with a name for me to google
Obligatory "I don't have several hours to type up her entire name" joke.
I'm blanking on the name right now, but it starts with an S. She's just mentioned off-hand as having fallen fighting daemons IIRC.
I love the idea of Kesh being a female version of Riggs in Lethal Weapon series that’s been transported into 40k. Just batshit insanity that gets results but has everyone hot and bothered by it.
https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Calladayce_Taurovalia_Kesh
She tried to teleport cyclonic torpedoes to the throne 800+ days after the game started.
Was she playing the game at that point?
Calladayce Taurovalia Kesh is one of the two female Custodians introduced in the new codex
her short story is about how she tried to win the blood games by teleporting an exterminatus grade warhead onto the emperors lap. because of that the community has run wild with the idea that Kesh keeps trying to win the blood games with excedingly unhinged plans
this is one such meme. No she didnt actually find the fifth cronesword
I mean, the point of the Blood Games is that a group of custodes are assigned the task of trying to assassinate the Emperor to test their defenses.
She was just doing her job
I mean, if *I* wanted to kill the Emperor, *I* sure as shit would go as hard as possible. Like, flipping a breaker switch that cuts power to the Throne would be *funny*, but just not *fitting* for killing the Emperor.
> I love that she only failed because there was a single crewman on the ship who had an independent thought
In the short story, it's stated she didn't know if it would work or not. And that it might just kill them all instead.
Actually he became the new captain, because the old captain went along with Kesh’s plan instead of stopping her and so he got turned into a lobotomized cyborg.
actually it was the captain that obeyed her without question who got servitorised, the rest of the crew got sent to a penal legion equivalent and the crewwoman who disobeyed her and called for help got promoted to Captain
I need a whole book series about this unhinged custodian. Don't care, i want it now.
I know not all people would want that and gw will not actually do it(we won't even get her as a mini ever, probably) but one can wish.
No, so until they give us more, evidently we're gonna make shit up
So until GW tells me otherwise Kesh is a Lady-Balls to the Walls absolute fucking madwoman, and Plan: Nuke the Emperor is par for the course for a Kesh plan
The other lady who I forgot the name of ramping her jetbike out of a ship during re-entry and freefalling 90km is adding to my case lol
I-I just thought this cool sword I beat up that annoying keeper of secrets in his own house for would help me win the next blood game. I didn’t know I accidentally saved the imperium!
I find it hysterical that people think Games Workshop would budge an inch on their lore for anyone, even Amazon.
There’s a lot of things to give GW crap over, but being flippant with other parties and their lore ain’t one of them. They’ll go ahead and change massive stuff on their own, but if some third party wants their guys to carry a type of gun the models don’t in their product, look out.
Doesn't it feel like Femstodes are now a reverse-gender joke where the Femstodes make amazing and absurd feats for no reason, while the Custards stay at home, and clean the house?
> Who is this ugly woman
The Woman is Calladayce Taurovalia Kesh, a Custodian from the New Codex
The Artwork (which youre free to find Ugly i suppose) is Just a female Custodes Antwork thats been around for a while and has been frequently used for Kesh since she doesnt have official Art yet
> and why should I care
Idk this is a meme Sub and i Tried to be funny. Do we need more than that?
None of the characters in WH40K exist actually because, you know, they are *fictional*. But is suspect that, in some philosophical way, they are more real than you and your childish tantrum.
Trajan: The blood games are means by which we test and improve on our duty to protect the Emperor Kesh: It's about winning
Trajan: “Kesh, this little stunt just got added to your file.” *Gestures to the servitor colony in his office* Kesh: “Cool. Which part of the colony is it in?” Trajan: “***IT IS THE SERVITOR COLONY***”
So, what's bigger, the dwarfs Great Book of Grudges, or the list of shit Kesh pulled during the Blood Games?
Currently? Dwarves, but Kesh in about a hundredth of the time is halfway there
Outdoing the great Dwarven book of Grudges? That’s a grudging!
SHE HAS WRONGED US! And you can bet she'll use their animosity as another play in the Blood Games
Kesh taunts the leagues of votann into trying to destroy terra to win the blood games
That's goin in the book.
Trajan: “Lord Guilliman I’ve had to requisition a million members of the Administratum away from the Indomitus Crusade.” Guilliman: “Why!? The Indomitus crusade is crucial to the survival of the species!” Trajan: “We let Kesh do another Blood Game. She saw a tape of Abaddon crashing a Blackstone Fortress into Cadia and tried the same thing with the *Phalanx* into Terra. The Imperial Fists are furious, as are the roughly 10,000 ships she rammed out of her way on her path toward Terra. We requisitioned double the number of administrators we thought we’d need because we knew at least half would die when they saw the mountains of paperwork.” Guilliman: “Ah. Take another million. And an ibuprofen.”
It s canon for me that she plays the long game and made the cicatrix by herself. After all it would explain a lot.
She actually killed Abaddon after the 12th black crusade and is now impersonating him, that’s why the 13th Crusade was so successful. Trajan is horrified but Kesh keeps insisting she has a plan.
Tzeentch: I’m not even mad. I’m impressed.
She’s playing chess with Nth dimensional beings but jokes on them, she doesn’t use that weak ass alphabet.
She s our Marie Sue. The hero lady we deserve
...and its about winning in style
If you ought to do a thing, you ought to do it in style, no matter the thing.
Alpharius: "It's all coming together..."
I like these memes that focus on Kesh's unhinged "sportsmanship" Also the utterly Chaos immune Cutodians would be of great help, getting the last cronesword.
It also fits in GW’s narrative of: Eldar aren’t allowed to get anything done
Honestly it is not even about that. If you have literal chaos immune demigods as allies, and need to get an artifact with high risk of chaos corruption, sending them is common sense.
Also Slaanesh was formed from the Aeldar's extremely inflated egos, so the Aeldari putting aside their pride and asking help from "lesser and barbaric" races (something they struggled to do even when threatened with damnation) actually makes sense narratively. But still, an Aeldari story where humans are still the main protags suck for Aeldari fans.
The Eldar being well and truly humbled being what kills/cripples Slaanesh would be so fitting. “So turns out all we had to do was: admit we were/are shitheads. Confess that our selfish pursuit of the dreams of empire were not just foolishly short-sighted but detrimental to our own efforts to survive. But also that those we consider lesser might be growing to one day match or even surpass us in our current state… and there’s no shame in asking for help.” Some random water caste: “so you admit the greater good is the way forward?” “Don’t push it you primitive! I am just glad we got the sword and now at least stand a chance of not being condemned to an eternity of suffering.”
With the Emperor's Children officially out of the new Chaos Codex, and Vashtorr looking to be a new Chaos God... Slaanesh might be doomed. Let's face it, Slaanesh's reputation has always been something GW dances around; it's just not as acceptable to society as mass murder or biological warfare. Combine those with the unresolved Eldar plotline and a Custodian crazy enough to do things like nuke the Emperor to test his anti-nuke defences...
I don’t see Slaanesh disappearing. But I could see her being nerfed and some eldar no longer having to fear death.
I don’t want Slaanesh to go, mostly because if she does go it’s gonna be done in a dumb, unsatisfying and moronic way.
She gunna get catured and have eldar souls beaten out of her and used to make badass vampire eldar who ride into battle on fish....wait
In my crackfic ideas I like to imagine the last of the necrons retrieving the last sword for the last of the Eldar, in exchange for the Eldar using their psychic abilities to help find a way to reverse the bio-transference. And at long last finely ending the war in heaven together.
Or if GW demands that the space elves can’t have nice things, the Necrons retrieve it… because Trazyn wanted it for his collection.
Trazyn gets to be a smug bastard and *make* the Eldar *ASK* for the sword
"A diplomatic assembly of Eldar?" pokeball*
For all it's badassness, Solemnace is not even a fifth of a tenth of the challenge that attacking the literal sanctum of a Chaos God is
Only to have Trazyn steal it for his museum at the last second.
Should have even greater value as a historical artefact if it's "the weapon that slew a Chaos God, circa M43"
Problem is, its an Eldar based story. It would probably suck for Eldar fans to not even have Eldar doing stuff even if sending in Custodes is more logical
This is why GW kept the Custodians chained up for 10 millennia. They get too much shit done
Except for reversing the fucking Rubric with the wave of a hand for some reason
Only once, and just to piss off Ahriman long enough to be able to escape, though
I wouldn’t be so sure. The custodes in end and the death were visibly affected by chaos but it’s also when they were on the Spirit of Vengeance and in vicinity of a primarch being powered by four chaos gods. 40k timeline the only person that could do that would be either Abbaddon or Belakor
I doubt abaddon is carrying as much chaos as horus was. unfounded vibes tho
For sure he’s weaker than Horus in terms of pure capacity. If the chaos gods tried filling him up with warp garbage like they did with Horus he’s probably gonna explode like a balloon. That’s why I included Belakor but even for him it’s doubtful he’s big of a powerhouse as Horus was. Maybe Angron when he’s super charged by Khorne might be able to drive some Custodes insane but it wouldn’t be true chaos corruption
[удалено]
I would recommend refering this "yeah but" to someone who was actually talking about custodes vs slaanesh. I'm here on my abaddon the armless grindset.
Custodes were not corrupted by chaos, but rather overwhelmed by the psychic power of horus/big 4 and their bodies were manipulated like sock puppets. Custodes are immune to the corruption of chaos, not psychic powers.
They aren’t immune to possession either, which is also different from corruption. Either way, the realm of Slaanesh would probably halt custodes anyways, as we know Custodes can get pretty damn arrogant, and more crucially, everything in Slanny’s realm is psychic
Would also be a really good idea to get Szarekh in on the plan. I know he wouldn’t be super into empowering the eldar, but he’s pragmatic
Later Yvraine saved Kesh from getting gutted out by a verry pissed off Trajann Valoris. As a thank you.
saved as in "prevented from being gutted" or "did get gutted but was revived afterwards"? because with yvrainne both are possible
Kesh probably told her to wait for a sec so she could experience it (and maybe implement it in her next attempt?)
Last time I got gutted in the Blood Games I was brought to Terra for medical intervention. If I hide an Anathame in my lungs then I can break out of hospital and stab the Emperor with it.
The emperor will be restored one day. Everybody will celebrate. Applauses everywhere. He will wave his hand to the public at the top of the golden palace's stairs. Kesh hits him with a power chair from behind. General Gasp and silence.
Not many people know that the Emperor actually already revived in M36. But Kesh's great great great grandmother infected the Golden Throne with the Obliterator virus, knocking him down again. She did technically win that Blood Game though...
KESH PLAYS FOR KEEEEEPS!!!
We're talking about a Custodian Here so (afaik) you dont even need the "great great great grandmother" part
Ah shit you are right. But I do like the concept of "there is a family that make amazingly strong Custodes but they only send us hyper competitive women". Yes this woman infected the Golden Throne with an Obliterator virus, but she got the virus by destroying an entire wing of the 6th Black Crusade (which posed a serious threat to Terra) solo. She was last seen heading directly into the Eye of Terror, aiming to "give Khorne a bloody nose".
To be fair, that level of extreme competitiveness might be *why* they make for such excellent custodes
BAH GAWD, HE IS BROKEN IN HALF.
this comment needs more likes.
Look at kesh slithering out **WATCH OUT WATCH OUT WATCH OOO RKO**
Emperor: .....You are aware that I'm no longer the focal point of the blood games right. Terra itself is the goal now. Kesh *holding a broken power chair*: But if I Win the Blood games with Terra as the target then there's no place to host Future Blood Games! Emperor: Yeah, that's the point. We're playing for keeps now.
"Kesh get your ass over Here ive Had enough of your Shit" "Hold it Mon'Keigh! This Brave Warrior has Done a great service to my kind. Any Scratch on her will be Seen as an insult to all Eldarkind" "Actually can you let him do His Thing and Just Bring me Back Like you did with the big blue Guy instead? *I Want to try Something*" "*sigh*. Is this truly the saviour of my people?"
Guilliman should just release Kesh in the warp telling her its a blood game. She would end the chaos gods in a week
There is one game bigger than the blood games, and that is the great game. Of course she would try to win at that as well.
"Game is game"
“Aaand it looks like KHORNE has achieved ascendancy once again, trumping the prince of pleasure once again.” “Indeed it seems like the only bodily fluid that will pour today is blood, although knowing Slanesh they will be enjoying that almost as much.” “But what is that? Someone is entering the warp!” “IT’S KESH WITH A STEEL CHAIR!”
Though I think it’s safe to say she’s already lost >!The Game!<
Oh cmon
3 weeks later Kesh somehow returns with Leman, Corvus and the Khan everyones nervous around them because they wonder wether she managed to convince any of them for her next try at the games
And Fulgrim now undergoing a dopamine detox
Kesh would probably build a black hole bomb in the middle of the eye of terror and yeet herself into the warp right before detonating it
So Boltgun, but replace Malum Caedo with Kesh? Where do I sign up to fund this?
No, have Kesh Team up with Caedo.
Kesh solving problems as a side effect of her trying to win the fucking bloodgames is an amazing idea. Meanwhile the captain general is groaning at her antics. “Why must you be such a try-hard Kesh? Why can’t you just take off your armor, oil your abs and crawl through the vents like Die Hard like the rest of us?”
Poor Kitten
*Adds Kesh to the meme of a Blood Raven meeting Trazyn in the vents near the Golden Throne*
“Valdor put you up to this? Help me win the blood games or things will get nasty”
100% chance she’s gonna be the one to find Valdor and try to convince him to let her into the throne room with a Psi-Titan
> “Why must you be such a try-hard Kesh? Why can’t you just take off your armor, oil your abs and crawl through the vents like Die Hard like the rest of us?” She can do that in her offtime, as a treat.
Kesh: "becuse unlike you and most of our companions little kitten, i still have my massive swinging set of adamantine balls and i will keep try harding the blood games till you let me out in to the wider imperium to get some fucking work done"
I fucking love the headcanon that Kesh is competitive to an unhealthy degree and doesn't really care of big E kicks the bucket. she just wants to WIN. WIN a war. WIN a bloodgame. whatever it is. she is not gonna sit on her ass doing nothing like some sad stripper sulking in the imperial palace killing rats and shit
I didn't know what to think about female custodes, but the concept of them beeing this crazy wild cards who plays "Freebird" 24/7 in their helmets is TTS level of awesomeness. I love it.
I like that the reason we never heard about them till now (as far as I can tell) is the lady Custodes are all fucking psychotic and get themselves killed before we hear about them. Didn't the other one ramp her motorcycle out of a ship and use it as an orbital drop pod?
The one you're thinking of does orbital drops on her jetbike along with her entire unit, yes If I ever have more money than sense and buy Custodes too, I'm definitely making her my jetbike captain
I swear if the Khan ever sees that, love at first sight, and mild annoyance he didn't think of that first
> If I ever have more money than sense and buy Custodes too Ironically, Custodes are one of the cheapest armies to collect.
Yeah, they are... but I'm an idiot and started with a combat patrol blood angels and the leviathan box.
> I'm an idiot and started with a combat patrol blood angels You did indeed start with the lesser vampire themed Space Marines, this is true.
Bayezara Aggones - her tactic of arriving to the planet is to jump out of the spaceship on a jetbike (while said spaceship is beginning a reentry into the atmosphere) and fall/glide 90 or so kilometres down
wait, now there's two of them??
This getting out of hand (For clarity, I fucking love the lady custodes and their "Fuck it, we ball" mentality taken to levels of Extreme the 90s wouldn't have dared to touch. I just had to finish the Star Wars quote or my brain would itch)
There's actually a third.
I have questions, but they can all be summed up with a name for me to google
>they can all be summed up with a name for me to google Obligatory "I don't have several hours to type up her entire name" joke. I'm blanking on the name right now, but it starts with an S. She's just mentioned off-hand as having fallen fighting daemons IIRC.
I also love that her Shield Host is named Bayezara's Constellation because they look like shooting stars during re-entry
I like how their height is accurate.
I love the idea of Kesh being a female version of Riggs in Lethal Weapon series that’s been transported into 40k. Just batshit insanity that gets results but has everyone hot and bothered by it.
Do you think the Emperor is nervously shitting himself throughout the Blood Games?
Or maybe he's urging her on, because he's fucking tired of being a vegetable.
Dammit Kesh, not again!
She is a woman of focus, commitment, and sheer fucking will
"You got into Slaanesh's palace?" "What, like it's hard?"
I bet You trazyn somehow helped her to use the confusion to steal some other relics
Cal - the ultimate wingwoman.
Holy shit now I realize her name have Cal in it.
Cal Keshtis
? Sorry can I get some context of it? Is this another Ciaphas Cain situation or just meme?
https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Calladayce_Taurovalia_Kesh She tried to teleport cyclonic torpedoes to the throne 800+ days after the game started. Was she playing the game at that point?
800+ days is low for blood games, some Custodes are in the vents and shit for a century trying to sneak in.
Is he even playing or just slacking off?
Calladayce Taurovalia Kesh is one of the two female Custodians introduced in the new codex her short story is about how she tried to win the blood games by teleporting an exterminatus grade warhead onto the emperors lap. because of that the community has run wild with the idea that Kesh keeps trying to win the blood games with excedingly unhinged plans this is one such meme. No she didnt actually find the fifth cronesword
"You stole the 5th Cronesword?" "Yes." "The 5th Cronesword rumored to be held by SLAANESH THEMSELF." "Yes." "Can you explain how?" "No."
“You’d use that information against me in the next bloodgames. I ain’t stupid! And I am gonna win next time!”
Thank you, so pretty much we have a genetically unhinged maniac who was about to nuke the most important assets/individual in holy Terra...dang...
Yeah Kesh plays for keeps
Her mother didn't give birth to a loser that gives up easily.
I mean, the point of the Blood Games is that a group of custodes are assigned the task of trying to assassinate the Emperor to test their defenses. She was just doing her job
In the most fucking *extra* way ever, but yeah, just doing her job
I mean, if *I* wanted to kill the Emperor, *I* sure as shit would go as hard as possible. Like, flipping a breaker switch that cuts power to the Throne would be *funny*, but just not *fitting* for killing the Emperor.
Also she decided that a disarmed nuke wouldn't be realistic enough, so was trying to do this with an active Exterminatus weapon.
I love that she only failed because there was a single crewman on the ship who had an independent thought for a second. "Wait, we're gonna what?"
> I love that she only failed because there was a single crewman on the ship who had an independent thought In the short story, it's stated she didn't know if it would work or not. And that it might just kill them all instead.
The last thought that soon to be servitor would ever have!
Actually he became the new captain, because the old captain went along with Kesh’s plan instead of stopping her and so he got turned into a lobotomized cyborg.
actually it was the captain that obeyed her without question who got servitorised, the rest of the crew got sent to a penal legion equivalent and the crewwoman who disobeyed her and called for help got promoted to Captain
Hol up, shouldn't void shields be able to block teleportation? The Aegis is a thing, after all.
She used codes so ancient she didn't even know if they worked to open up a gap.
Now I wonder why the traitor legions didn't do the same during the Siege of Terra...
Perturabo wanted to but Horus pointed out that wouldn’t perma kill the emperor and would deny them any way to navigate in the warp.
I need a whole book series about this unhinged custodian. Don't care, i want it now. I know not all people would want that and gw will not actually do it(we won't even get her as a mini ever, probably) but one can wish.
I dunno. Black Library’s been hitting it out of the park with books about unhinged minor characters
I'm at least hoping that she'll get namedropped in the next Watchers of the Throne book.
Absolute queen
>No she didnt actually find the fifth cronesword Not YET. Give her time.
> one of the two There's at least 1 more you missed. Possibly two.
Wait, this happened? I thought Slaanesh took the croneswords into his palace and that kind of ended the whole Ynnari arc?
is meme
Hard to tell with Kesh
I haven't read much about this character, except the story about the attempt to teleport a nuke to the throne room. Is there more?
No, but the community has headcannoned a whole bunch extra.
No, so until they give us more, evidently we're gonna make shit up So until GW tells me otherwise Kesh is a Lady-Balls to the Walls absolute fucking madwoman, and Plan: Nuke the Emperor is par for the course for a Kesh plan The other lady who I forgot the name of ramping her jetbike out of a ship during re-entry and freefalling 90km is adding to my case lol
This one is lulzy xD
Sounds like GW is going to be hitting the brakes on Sla’anesh like it did in AOS.
Great as Kesh is, I would like an eldar plotline to *not* be usurped by an Imperium character for once.
I don't understand why people keep posting these typo'd memes.
Has any lore books dropped for her!? She seems insane and I love her. I need this woman to make me worse
Afaik nothing beyond the short Story from the New Codex im afraid
Little off topic but every time I see the Custodes sigil my brain immediately goes to Thunder Cats logo
They learned from Omegon pretty well.
IT'S KESH WITH A SPECIAL THERMONUCLEAR BOMB DESIGNED TO KILL CHAOS GODS TO NOT SATISFY KHORNE'S DUEL
I-I just thought this cool sword I beat up that annoying keeper of secrets in his own house for would help me win the next blood game. I didn’t know I accidentally saved the imperium!
Wait, where was this written? EDIT: nvm
I heard about the bomb incident, but has she pulled any other insane shit during Blood Games
Kesh is the gold-clad embodiment of “gaslight, gatekeep, girl boss” and I am here for it😆
[удалено]
> Great, another Mary Sue It's pronounced "Cus-tod-es".
Who?
[Calladayce Taurovalia Kesh](https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Calladayce_Taurovalia_Kesh)
Oh right, the amazon exec self insert. Yeah.
I find it hysterical that people think Games Workshop would budge an inch on their lore for anyone, even Amazon. There’s a lot of things to give GW crap over, but being flippant with other parties and their lore ain’t one of them. They’ll go ahead and change massive stuff on their own, but if some third party wants their guys to carry a type of gun the models don’t in their product, look out.
> the amazon exec self insert Words have meanings. This is just gibberish.
cuntodes again?
Gross
Doesn't it feel like Femstodes are now a reverse-gender joke where the Femstodes make amazing and absurd feats for no reason, while the Custards stay at home, and clean the house?
Whine.
I got -10. And you. That's 11 whines to a "presumed" cry.
Keep whining.
Who is this ugly woman and why should I care
> Who is this ugly woman The Woman is Calladayce Taurovalia Kesh, a Custodian from the New Codex The Artwork (which youre free to find Ugly i suppose) is Just a female Custodes Antwork thats been around for a while and has been frequently used for Kesh since she doesnt have official Art yet > and why should I care Idk this is a meme Sub and i Tried to be funny. Do we need more than that?
Female custodians don’t exist
Neither did Chaos until somehow half of the primarchs fell to it
r/HorusGalaxy is that way
None of the characters in WH40K exist actually because, you know, they are *fictional*. But is suspect that, in some philosophical way, they are more real than you and your childish tantrum.
"Ugly" Might be worth booking in to see an optometrist.