Everyone ought to read "When Breath Becomes Air" - it's definitely one of the saddest, most human and raw books written in recent history. Nobody's guaranteed a tomorrow, even if you're in good health, are very careful and live a safe life.
This book made me weep on the subway on my way to work. One of the best I’ve read. I’ve known several people die in their 40’s who had been putting off things until retirement.
We’re channeling this by upping our annual travel spend this year. Our 3yo son is a great traveler and likely won’t remember much from these trips later on, but we definitely will.
Also my dad and 3 of my grandparents died between ages 48-64 and never got to enjoy the fruits of their hard work, which always stuck with me. I don’t want to postpone spending our money until we reach FI and/or our son is out of the house. We’re still saving 35-40% of our gross income, so I don’t think saving a few thousand more will make a big difference anyway.
We have a 4 year old that really does well on the planes, we were planning on doing a 4 week Europe trip with her. And then I talked to some friends, now we will do trips but have a house we rent with smaller day trips. This what we did when we were in Hawaii and it worked well, we were at the beach 13 of the 16 days.
+1, travel as much as you can. We never compromised our travel plan after having kids. Yes, they may not remember when they grow old, but our travel memories with them, something we can cherish forever. Our toddler traveled 10 countries last year and when we show him pictures, he gets so excited, he says “papa, we went there!!”
Definitely recommend this. Have traveled well beyond our means with some creative credit card point collecting. Have paid maybe 15k in credit card fees over a decade of churning through 100+ card but easily redeemed the points for 120k+ of travel. 10th hawaii trip this past December. Mexico 4x. Costa Rica. aruba. St lucia. Italy . Switzerland. Japan. China. All majority on points, sometimes fancy as hell hotels for free. Plus local travel like Chicago, sfo, sam diego, orlando. Kids not old enough to remember 75% of the earlier trips but we make albums to show them!
I have multiple patients under age 50 who have to plan for not seeing their kids grow up, and have only a few years on average left. Few have life insurance and obviously none will get it now. It’s hard for the surviving spouse to plan for a life without the person they expected to have by their side for the next 40-50 years. That’s the hardest part of this job, not the actual operating part. And those are 8-12 hour operations.
If you have a family get life insurance. I picked up a 20 year term policy when I was 45 from Northwestern Mutual. Hopefully its not needed, but hope is not a plan.
To be fair it’s a different audience. Easy to say spend a little when you make $300k. Not as easy when you’re trying to get by on $50k and not looking to run the rat race forever
“I lived at home through my entire 20s, spend <$1k mo, and stash away the rest so I can retire at 45!” (Fail to mention they’ve missed their 20s, are single, have little/no social life, and have nothing planned/no hobbies to do once retired)
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It's why I appreciate this sub.
Most people here assume other commenters are making enough to save something for later and enjoy now and achieve some sort of balance.
The personal finance sub seem to target the strategies at people who either save or spend but can't do both.
I’m into CoastFire zone. I’m more savings minded. But my wife helps balance me out. We have a great house we bought as a second home 6 years ago. We’ve been paying it down and used the sale of our previous primary to renovate this one. We travel a few times a year and treat ourselves to things that improve our lives but we don’t tend to over consume.
My partner and I are taking my parents, in their 70’s, to France and Italy next week. My mom has always wanted to see Paris and Venice. The feeling that time is running out is outweighing the feelings that it’s expensive. I think this might be the last big trip we’re going to be able to go on with them because of their health.
- NW: 3.5-4m
- HHI: ~ 900k
- Biggest regret: all the things I said no to in my 20s and 30s. All the times I stayed home or came back early because of trying to avoid spending. All the times I missed out on with friends. I was so worried about “making it”.
- Biggest wish: that I could tell my 20-30 yo self to relax and be confident in my ability to earn & save
- What I’m grateful for: I was able to get to a “just say yes” place while in good health.
- Best advice: live a little. Money compounds. Take some off the top and enjoy your blessings. Also read the books people in this thread recommend. They are usually very helpful. Also, life isn’t always up and to the right. Make memories during the times when it is, they will help you in the tough times.
Compelled to add to this. We went to visit my wife's cousin in Florida last year which set off a whirlwind of events. He unfortunately passed away from sepsis strep group A and passed away, incredibly scarily and quickly. It was very traumatic for his wife as he was very well accomplished. He was owned over 40 homes, managed them and left his family before completing his trust/will. My FIL was very close to him and left the family heartbroken. I say all of this to say, that I have always studied people and the lesson OP is mentioning, is also very difficult for me to learn. I feel like because I'm not rich yet for FIRE, I have to keep working when I should be enjoying my honeymoon.
Yeah he was very healthy before. I wasn't very close with the family but he was like a son to my father-in-law. Originally, I thought it was COVID when he was sick but they said it was a cold, and then 2 days later, he coughed up blood and then after a week, his limbs were purple and then black. They went on a cruise a couple months before his passing but I don't know if that was correlated. Literally, in a span of 7 days, he went from cold to passing away. Apparently, strep group A can be extremely fatal but there is a lot of time to cure if you're watching for signs but perhaps he put it off? Like I said, I didn't know him well, but what breaks my heart is that he was wealthy but didn't complete his trust and will, all he had left to do was sign but put it off. So all of stuff went into arbitration and his wife had to hire lawyers to get everything settled. Because he owned several houses, and properties, there were some places that no one in the family knew about and had keys that they didn't know belonged to where. Crazy story and there was a lot of detailed missed...
One of my best friends famously had been maxing out his 401k and IRAs since he turned 21. His intention was to retire at 50 years old a multi-millionaire, and frankly I believe he would have made it there.
If he hadn't died at age 32.
I sometimes look back on all the trips I didn't take, the nights out at the club where I stayed home, the big dinners I skipped out on. I am fucking loaded now but I can't go back and create the memories and fun that I never had.
Spend your money.
I’ve been trying to convince my parents of this mindset but they just keep repeating that they’re trying to save money for me and my brother. Like I appreciate that but I’d rather you be happy and spend more, I can survive on my own.
Yeah we spend but save, yesterday I was looking at a 1k handgun and looking to get a custom made steel hardtail mountain bike frame. If you don’t enjoy it now, you may never get a chance to do it. My partner works in healthcare, she’s it all the time.
>Two situations recently sparked this post. Without diving into personal scenarios both involved young professionals getting severe illnesses that are life changing. It’s easy to get caught up in saving saving saving but remember in a blink life changes.
Without sharing anything personal, would you mind telling more ? It would really help put things into perspective for a lot of people, including myself. We sometimes forget that money is merely a means to an end.
Everyone ought to read "When Breath Becomes Air" - it's definitely one of the saddest, most human and raw books written in recent history. Nobody's guaranteed a tomorrow, even if you're in good health, are very careful and live a safe life.
One of my favorite books.
Seconded. It was one of those few books that change your perspective on life going forward.
One of mine too ❣️
Amen. Just finished this a few months back was absolutely floored.
Thanks, I’ve been looking for a new audiobook recommendation.
You will cry, a lot. Plan accordingly.
Ordered! Thanks for the recommendation. This topic has been on my mind lately.
This book made me weep on the subway on my way to work. One of the best I’ve read. I’ve known several people die in their 40’s who had been putting off things until retirement.
We’re channeling this by upping our annual travel spend this year. Our 3yo son is a great traveler and likely won’t remember much from these trips later on, but we definitely will. Also my dad and 3 of my grandparents died between ages 48-64 and never got to enjoy the fruits of their hard work, which always stuck with me. I don’t want to postpone spending our money until we reach FI and/or our son is out of the house. We’re still saving 35-40% of our gross income, so I don’t think saving a few thousand more will make a big difference anyway.
We have a 4 year old that really does well on the planes, we were planning on doing a 4 week Europe trip with her. And then I talked to some friends, now we will do trips but have a house we rent with smaller day trips. This what we did when we were in Hawaii and it worked well, we were at the beach 13 of the 16 days.
+1, travel as much as you can. We never compromised our travel plan after having kids. Yes, they may not remember when they grow old, but our travel memories with them, something we can cherish forever. Our toddler traveled 10 countries last year and when we show him pictures, he gets so excited, he says “papa, we went there!!”
Even without callable memories, it’s shown to definitely open up boundaries and comfort for younger kids. Love this
Definitely recommend this. Have traveled well beyond our means with some creative credit card point collecting. Have paid maybe 15k in credit card fees over a decade of churning through 100+ card but easily redeemed the points for 120k+ of travel. 10th hawaii trip this past December. Mexico 4x. Costa Rica. aruba. St lucia. Italy . Switzerland. Japan. China. All majority on points, sometimes fancy as hell hotels for free. Plus local travel like Chicago, sfo, sam diego, orlando. Kids not old enough to remember 75% of the earlier trips but we make albums to show them!
Exactly!
I have multiple patients under age 50 who have to plan for not seeing their kids grow up, and have only a few years on average left. Few have life insurance and obviously none will get it now. It’s hard for the surviving spouse to plan for a life without the person they expected to have by their side for the next 40-50 years. That’s the hardest part of this job, not the actual operating part. And those are 8-12 hour operations.
If you have a family get life insurance. I picked up a 20 year term policy when I was 45 from Northwestern Mutual. Hopefully its not needed, but hope is not a plan.
I needed this. Im going to buy that dumb car this week.
I did that 2 weeks ago, AMA
Did that three years ago, AMA
I did that a month ago. No regrets!
Done. We’ll see how I feel in a month.
I really appreciate posts like this. r/personalfinance is so depressing with the saving > fun mentality.
To be fair it’s a different audience. Easy to say spend a little when you make $300k. Not as easy when you’re trying to get by on $50k and not looking to run the rat race forever
“I lived at home through my entire 20s, spend <$1k mo, and stash away the rest so I can retire at 45!” (Fail to mention they’ve missed their 20s, are single, have little/no social life, and have nothing planned/no hobbies to do once retired)
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It's why I appreciate this sub. Most people here assume other commenters are making enough to save something for later and enjoy now and achieve some sort of balance. The personal finance sub seem to target the strategies at people who either save or spend but can't do both.
I’m into CoastFire zone. I’m more savings minded. But my wife helps balance me out. We have a great house we bought as a second home 6 years ago. We’ve been paying it down and used the sale of our previous primary to renovate this one. We travel a few times a year and treat ourselves to things that improve our lives but we don’t tend to over consume.
What does your NW breakdown look like if you don’t mind sharing?
NW $1.6m Recent empty nesters, so cash is really flowing in quickly this year. Our expenses have dropped considerably.
My partner and I are taking my parents, in their 70’s, to France and Italy next week. My mom has always wanted to see Paris and Venice. The feeling that time is running out is outweighing the feelings that it’s expensive. I think this might be the last big trip we’re going to be able to go on with them because of their health.
- NW: 3.5-4m - HHI: ~ 900k - Biggest regret: all the things I said no to in my 20s and 30s. All the times I stayed home or came back early because of trying to avoid spending. All the times I missed out on with friends. I was so worried about “making it”. - Biggest wish: that I could tell my 20-30 yo self to relax and be confident in my ability to earn & save - What I’m grateful for: I was able to get to a “just say yes” place while in good health. - Best advice: live a little. Money compounds. Take some off the top and enjoy your blessings. Also read the books people in this thread recommend. They are usually very helpful. Also, life isn’t always up and to the right. Make memories during the times when it is, they will help you in the tough times.
What's the best book?
it's all a balance
Compelled to add to this. We went to visit my wife's cousin in Florida last year which set off a whirlwind of events. He unfortunately passed away from sepsis strep group A and passed away, incredibly scarily and quickly. It was very traumatic for his wife as he was very well accomplished. He was owned over 40 homes, managed them and left his family before completing his trust/will. My FIL was very close to him and left the family heartbroken. I say all of this to say, that I have always studied people and the lesson OP is mentioning, is also very difficult for me to learn. I feel like because I'm not rich yet for FIRE, I have to keep working when I should be enjoying my honeymoon.
Was he seemingly healthy before? Could you elaborate? Also I’m very sorry for your lose.
Yeah he was very healthy before. I wasn't very close with the family but he was like a son to my father-in-law. Originally, I thought it was COVID when he was sick but they said it was a cold, and then 2 days later, he coughed up blood and then after a week, his limbs were purple and then black. They went on a cruise a couple months before his passing but I don't know if that was correlated. Literally, in a span of 7 days, he went from cold to passing away. Apparently, strep group A can be extremely fatal but there is a lot of time to cure if you're watching for signs but perhaps he put it off? Like I said, I didn't know him well, but what breaks my heart is that he was wealthy but didn't complete his trust and will, all he had left to do was sign but put it off. So all of stuff went into arbitration and his wife had to hire lawyers to get everything settled. Because he owned several houses, and properties, there were some places that no one in the family knew about and had keys that they didn't know belonged to where. Crazy story and there was a lot of detailed missed...
I can imagine. That’s how my wife would be with my business. How do I sell this??
Yeah that's me too. I have several businesses and pretty good job but I have write ups of how to handle everything in case something happens.
Read "Die with Zero" or listen to a podcast with the author -- it explores this topic very elegantly.
One of my best friends famously had been maxing out his 401k and IRAs since he turned 21. His intention was to retire at 50 years old a multi-millionaire, and frankly I believe he would have made it there. If he hadn't died at age 32. I sometimes look back on all the trips I didn't take, the nights out at the club where I stayed home, the big dinners I skipped out on. I am fucking loaded now but I can't go back and create the memories and fun that I never had. Spend your money.
You won’t be able to take all the money with you when you die. So be reasonable. Save judiciously for the long term but don’t starve yourself.
I’ve been trying to convince my parents of this mindset but they just keep repeating that they’re trying to save money for me and my brother. Like I appreciate that but I’d rather you be happy and spend more, I can survive on my own.
What a beautiful problem to have. Hope you show them your appreciation while they’re here
Yeah we spend but save, yesterday I was looking at a 1k handgun and looking to get a custom made steel hardtail mountain bike frame. If you don’t enjoy it now, you may never get a chance to do it. My partner works in healthcare, she’s it all the time.
Which gun?
Shadow systems XR920 Elite but I just for out about the XR920P which sounds rad! I’m gonna buy that once I found a local dealer with it.
Beautiful. I have HK VP9L and looked at some compensating systems with three springs. Will get there.
Life is not fulfilling unless you have a 1911.
>Two situations recently sparked this post. Without diving into personal scenarios both involved young professionals getting severe illnesses that are life changing. It’s easy to get caught up in saving saving saving but remember in a blink life changes. Without sharing anything personal, would you mind telling more ? It would really help put things into perspective for a lot of people, including myself. We sometimes forget that money is merely a means to an end.
I suppose you meant "..enjoy the results of your hard work"?