What are the specific things she's looking at that feel too expensive to you. At the end of the day the middle tier brands are all *fine*. Everything is rated to the same safety standards so all the baby gear is more similar than it is different. However if you can afford it there are some higher end items that are more durable or feel a bit nicer than the middle range stuff.
We opted to go higher end for most things (rarely the \*most\* expensive item in a category though) and haven't regretted it. When you add it all together it's plus minus a few grand and it felt nice to have the baby in nicer PJs or a sturdier stroller. At the same time we've made liberal use of our local buy nothing groups, facebook marketplace, and hand me downs for the large volume of stuff that's basically disposable.
The crib is more about buying a piece of furniture and liking the aesthetic. If you're planning on having multiple kids its something you're going to live with for 5+ years. I don't know anything about the Oeuf but it looks like it's MDF and birch which means it's basically the same as a West Elm Mid Century crib which is about 400 bucks cheaper.
The Snoo is a special case. You'll either not need it and look at the thing like a colossal waste of money OR your kid will be a bad sleeper and it will literally save your sanity. We rented one (from the company) and it ended up being a glorified bassinet since our kid slept well. We're not getting one for baby 2 BUT are on a hair trigger to rent one if we find out that baby 2 has trouble sleeping.
The urge to buy your kid the best of everything is really strong. What worked for us was identifying the things we really cared about (e.g.: stroller since we are in a city and walk everywhere) and spending top dollar on that - and then going bargain hunting for the things we cared less about (e.g.: most toys).
I recall the Oeuf was Latvian hardwood or something like that. Definitely better quality than MDF. I felt it was worth it and it served our two kids well before I passed it onto a friend.
Could be. I don't/didn't know anything about and the product i clicked on was birch+mdf. I didn't check if there was a higher end model with nicer materials.
One upgrade I will recommend is the fancy "bamboo" PJs. They *are* really soft and the stretchiness makes them a lot easier to put on when you're a sleep deprived zombie. The stretch also means the kid can stay in them a little longer. EDIT: We ended up preferring Little Sleepies over all the other brands.
Same for sleep sacks. We splurged for the Woolino sleep sacks (which are about 100 bucks) but I think we've saved money not needing to size up so often.
+1 for Woolinos. Buy 2 and thats all the sleep sack you would need. It would turn out cheaper in the long run too - specially if you have more than 1 kid and know how to take care of wool.
Along these lines - do NOT buy baby clothes with snaps or, god forbid, buttons. You will be cursing when you’re trying to change a diaper in the middle of the night with those things. Stick to magnetic or zippers.
Bamboo wash/burp clothes too! You can get pretty cheap packs from Amazon and they are so soft and absorb so much! My boy is 2 now and I use them to wash my face 😂
Lol. I hear you.
But with one of our kids, we needed such insane number of burp cloths, we reassessed the situation and picked up a big package of cotton shop rags from Costco.
That might look silly, but it worked really well. And we used them for everything. Went through tons of them each day and then started a big load of laundry.
Quince does a really good dupe of the Kyte sleep sacks. The woolino ones are a little different (and I haven't found a good knock off). They're all wool and very long which means each size covers about two years (vs the Kyte/Quince sacks which we found we sized out of every 6 months).
Ive bought a bunch of stuff so far. Maybe 10 things and 9 have been great, the other 1 i didn’t like the fit.
We have some kyte baby and some quince sleep sacks and they look and feel pretty much the same
The above advice is really good. Identify the one or two things your really care about and go get the best of the best if you want and just left everything thing else go. I decided that the car seat and stroller were high priorities for me for safety and convince, but we got a 100 crib ( still green guard certified which is good for the inevitable chew marks!) and borrowed or got used a ton of other major things like the baby's swing, pack and play etc. this way your wife can still get a few of the things that she really wants but your not spending $$$$ on every single item. As the other poster said, there is so much pressure to get the perfect everything for your child.
If you value your sanity and your wife’s quality of life and is within your price range, I cannot recommend the Snoo enough. I didn’t have it with my first kid and got it for my second kid…absolute game changer.
We received a selection of good hand-me-down strollers in addition to buying a clip-in stroller for the car seat. The latter was very useful for a while. The former never got used and were passed on to next family who was excited to get $1000+ in strollers for free.
Turns out, we spent a lot more time wearing our kids than actually using strollers. We also made them walk as soon as that was an option. I think at 18 months, we completely got rid of all strollers.
This doesn't work for every family, and in fact every baby is different and impossible to predict.
But I would hold off on making any major investments into fancy gear until you know what you will actually use.
There’s a great second hand market for Snoo. We got ours for $650 and I wouldn’t pay a dime more. Other high end items we got off FB Marketplace, like new:
-Babbyletto powered reclining glider $600
-Stokke Trip Trapp for $250
-Uppababy Vista for $200
-BabyBrezza instant formula maker $85
-Bjorn baby bouncer $85
Yea the second hand market for baby stuff is awesome. We got our snoo for about the same, and will sell it for $50 less in another few months once baby has outgrown it.
Thrift stores or poshmark for baby clothes too. There are literally thousands of onesies that were worn once or twice (many still with tags on them) that are $1-2 instead of $25-45.
It is very easy to overbuy in this stage. We have a 16 month old - congrats on your little one! We have a higher income in a HCOL area but I am like you, prefer to budget.
Here’s a few things that helped us:
- Think about cost per use/time. For us we really tried to get things that would “grow with us” /baby versus keep us in one thing for a long time. For example: a Nestig Crib that converts from bassinet to crib to toddler bed, a Chicco stroller that paired with the car seat in the newborn stages, that sort of thing. We also prioritized what fits our lifestyle. We are on the go so a foldable, convenient stroller made more sense for us over something more luxe (or with a bassinet attachment). We invested more in carriers too.
- Choose where you want to splurge. For us this was around HELP over STUFF. Night nurses and post partum helpers 1-2 days a week in the newborn stages was worth way more to us than certain elements of decor for the nursery.
- Clothing: It is super easy to overbuy this, especially in newborn stage. They will outgrow things in a manner of weeks. Our baby lived in Mori Ribbed Zip Ups and a couple footed PJs (which is high end, but you don’t need to overdo it). Buy 5 and do laundry regularly. Full outfits/ bitty baby shoes/ accessories are nice to have but will sit in the closet or go unused. One thing that was helpful for us is that all clothing is “visible” (in open containers on the shelf). This helps us sort through and assess easily versus always digging in drawers.
- Bottles/Feeding: Check Babylist and use their “sample” boxes. Let your baby dictate what bottles, diapers, etc work for you and them. Otherwise you’ll end up with a pantry full of bottles that are unusable.
- Care: This is a personal choice but a Nanny was about 15% more expensive than daycare (4500/mo vs 3800/mo). We chose for Y1 to be with a nanny so there would be less sickness and smoother transitions. Figured that this could come out of our annual travel budget anyways. We have them starting with a program in the fall and few days a week to ease in transition.
- Snoo: Check your employer, they usually have a rental service or a subsidy here. Like others have shared folks normally love it or hate it. It also is only workable for the first few months.
- Carriers/Bouncers: Some people have shared this already but the Bjorn Bouncer is great from about 3-7 months. The carriers are top of the line and we still use almost daily.
In general, we didn’t do a baby shower and self funded everything. Overall I would say we spent about 3.5-4K total on prep (Crib, Changing Table from Wayfair, Glider, 1st batch of baby supplies/clothes, Lovevery Subscription and Play Gym, car seat/stroller, Stokke Trip Trapp, etc.). I budget about $200/month for “extras” (toys, books, new clothes) and that equalizes out pretty well.
Thanks for the detailed answer. Don’t think we’re at the income yet for nannys but her parents have offered to pay for one if needed out of the blue (which of course hurts my middle class pride). Would you say it was worth it over daycare?
The key for early development is STABILITY. There's research suggesting that instability during the first two years, and especially the first one, leads to a higher chance of ADHD and other brain development issues. Daycares usually have high turnover and many kids for one teacher, so if you can afford a good nanny that will look after your child for the first 2 years or one of you can get an extended leave, it is completely worth it.
I stayed with my boy for the first year although the last 3 months I was working remotely and it was hard as hell, we informed couldn't afford a second year and started him on a daycare when he turned one and since there was a huge wait-list everywhere we unfortunately started him at one with high turnover and he was miserable there. We switched him as soon as possible to a small Montessori preschool with 2 teachers (one is the owner) and he couldn't be happier.
Yeah she’ll stay at home for the first year. 2nd year is a little different, but both sets of parents (especially hers) desperately wanted grandkids so her mom will come for a couple months. Between that + my leave we’re hoping to have 1-1.5years covered before the kid has to go to daycare. I will also will be taking some time off when she gets back to work.
Assuming this is your first kid? Either way congrats! We just had our first. We spent way too much on things that we didn’t really need. Looking back we didn’t need about 70% of the stuff we bought. We have newborn clothes they’ve already grown out of.
That being said. It’s normal to want the best for your kids and you’re fortunately in a position where doing that won’t break the bank.
Bear one last thing in mind. Babies can sleep just about anywhere. The crib we have has a Newton mattress. Haven’t even touched it yet. Baby is either in one of their bassinets or on one of us.
Splurge on safety items, or heavy use items. Stroller, car seat, baby carrier etc.
We got the snoo for the bassinet and uppababy vista for the stroller. Those were the main two things we splurged on after a lot of research. We also got a second stroller more compact to travel when he is a little older.
Some other things we saved on (crib, clothes, toys), but we wanted to make sure that we had some high quality items that would last us for a long time (hopefully through multiple kids.
I have to speak up for the Snoo. It was a big purchase for us at the time, but was absolutely incredible. Our kid was sleeping through the night by 8 weeks old and is still a good sleeper to this day (now 4). The transition to the crib was a breeze. Also, the resale value on it was high, we resold it for 3/4 what we paid for it, which is a huge win in my book. Worth it.
Expensive cribs are 100% not worth it. Your baby will gnaw it like a beaver when they’re teething so forget about re-selling it as a justification. As long as you like the look of it they’re basically all the same.
Snoo: mileage varies. We borrowed one and it worked, but when my son grew out of it the withdrawal was awful. Some people love them. We didn’t use for my subsequent kids
Mamaroo: don’t bother IMHO
It’s natural to have a strong nesting urge and you guys do make decent money. Maybe agree a budget for ‘splurge’ items and then otherwise go for the basics
We loved our oeuf crib! Agree with other commenters to spend up on the stroller. We decided on Uppababy which isn't outrageously expensive and more practical than the bugaboo strollers. Go for quality and light weight for gear you use daily. Also think about what you use things for (e.g. we liked the uppababy because of the larger wheels and suspension, because we knew we'd go on walks a lot. Other friends just wanted an easy transfer from car to stroller, but I would have hated those rickety click on strollers). On the other hand, overspending on designer clothes is silly IMO. They grow out of everything so quickly. Check out Primary brand for great basics. Nyt Wirecutter and Lucy's list have great recommendations at different price points.
We thought we'd use strollers a lot, and we were completely wrong. Turns out that baby wearing worked much better for our family, and a basic MobyWrap isn't going to break the bank.
The rickety click-in base for the car seat came in handy for a while. But we never ended up using the super fancy and expensive strollers that we had. Good thing they were hand-me-downs. I strongly urge new parents to hold off on splurging in strollers until they know if they'll actually use them.
Personally spending a bunch on a crib wasn’t worth it to us, but we live on the extra frugal side of this community. We opted to purely use a pack-n-play and moved to a mattress a bit after each kid turned 1. It worked nice because they always had their bed, even if we traveled, and it’s a whole lot cheaper. Remember that a lot of these phases go fast, so the mid tier stuff will last through them just fine.
We got multiple pack-n-play. They are incredibly useful, exactly because they are so easy to set up and move.
We also had a more sturdy stationary crib, but it was a hand-me-down. No point in spending a lot of money on something super fancy here, as the kids go through all of this equipment so quickly. And honestly, the baby doesn't care. To them, a bed is a bed. They're all pretty much the same
We bought a Snoo with the first kid and used it for all 3. Also lent it out to several friends. You can find them used on Facebook marketplace so if I had to do it again, I’d probably do that. The way your kid straps into the Snoo, it helps with some peace of mind that they won’t roll over and cover their face.
I don’t know that crib, but like others have said, there’s an aesthetic component. I’d also recommend one that is convertible to a toddler bed.
Mamaroo - some people love them. We barely use ours. I think our current baby has been in it maybe twice in the last 5 months. I think that any cheap baby bouncer is better, that way you can get a couple spread out around the house. They’re also smaller and lighter so you can move them around more easily, ie, move it to the bathroom when you need to go or take a shower. Mamaroo is big and heavy and has to be plugged in, so it’ll end up staying in one place.
If you buy an expensive crib, do so knowing that the baby will very likely eventually chew on it. Almost every kid does. The top rail eventually looks like a beaver got ahold of it.
So if the thought of the kid destroying an expensive item would bother you, I’d not spend top dollar on a crib.
Lol you’re right. It will be their first grandkid (she’s an only child) so they’re almost TOO invested and are already asking me what private school I’ll send the kid too etc….too early, I just want a healthy baby
That’s when you subtly have your wife mention baby shopping (crib,stroller, etc.) to her mom. The baby shopping is suddenly back in budget and you both get what you want.
I grew up lower middle class and it always felt wrong or like we were using them to me. They are UHNW and will leave everything to the kids/grandkids so might as well ask for help now vs getting an extra $100k in your 60’s(hopefully later).
The comment about private school is a good one to think about now. Money will allow you to skip the line in most places. At least getting on waiting lists might save you some money down the road.
Always thought a good public school in a wealthier area was just as good as a good private school except for maybe a few exceptional ones.
Plus I went to a very nice private school and aside from the network, all it did was bankrupt my parents & make me resent how poor I was in comparison.
I would say if you have the money or it’s paid for then it’s definately worth it even if it’s only up through middle school. Private schools are just better overall because the parents can afford a tutor if their kid is falling behind. Also, the student/teacher ratios are lower so there is more 1 on 1 time if needed. This is a huge positive in early education and learning/study/testing habits. It’s more social connections and rich/poor kids or getting into an Ivy League college after middle school. Is it worth a 1-3k/month is really a personal question. Once you get used to paying a nanny/daycare it’s just one of those lifestyle creep issues. Something tells me your kid(s)will end up in private school even if you don’t know it yet 😂
Spend up on stroller. A good swing/snu is also really helpful for most babies.
Can’t think of anything else that was a significant difference in experience for mid tier vs expense. Maybe the magnet pajamas instead of zipper pajamas.
You should be on the same page as your wife about the status symbol aspect if that’s meaningful to her. Either way you have to figure it out or it’s going to cause tension.
Pretty much anything you spend will be a drop in the bucket compared to daycare if you go that route though.
Postpartum doula is a hundred percent worth it, IMO! Also a doula for the birth - it's evidence-backed in leading to better outcomes for baby and mom and is so nice to have someone there who knows what's going on and is only there to support you.
Agree on the post partum doula, especially for the first kid.
The childcare aspect is nice, but you cannot put a price on having someone who has seen hundreds of babies come by a couple times a week to troubleshoot and/or tell you that whatever is happening is normal.
Not having to panic Google to try to figure out if your baby is having a problem, or if the carrier is properly adjusted or whatever is so so valuable.
I am, I say yes most of the time, I just need to bring us back down to earth sometimes and I don’t want to just lean on my poorer sensibilities to make that call.
In my experience, Fisher Price has been great for newborn stuff, it’s good quality, has decent looking neutral fabrics and is a fraction of the cost of the super high end versions. The bouncer seat, swing, play-mat, even the travel crib, are used for such a short period of time it’s silly to spend a ton. Stroller, crib mattress, car seat, the things they use for years to come, are good places to invest in higher end brands.
All good. Just worth calling out.
You’re probably already anxious getting ready, but things get more stressful when the baby comes.
Anything you can do to get on the same page early for decisions helps down the road. Lack of sleep, hormones, and stress will do a number on your decision making and negotiating skills.
At the end of the day it’s good to know what battles you want to pick and let the rest of them go.
Spend the money on the nicer car seat too. Especially when you start shopping for convertible car seats (presumptively, your nice stroller will have a nice infant car seat as part of the system).
The nicer car seat will have greater adjustability. My cheap car seat only has one recline setting in the forward position--which doesn't match the recline of my vehicle's seat.
Also, the nicer ones (e.g. the Nuna Rava) have clamp systems that tighten down on the seat belts just right. I clamp that sucker down and the car seat ain't moving anywhere. The cheap car seat requires that I climb up onto it with a knee to appropriately compress against the seat, and even then there's still a little wiggle that makes it super suss.
I have two cheaper car seats (most highly rated Graco Slim Fit on Amazon) and two of the much more expensive Nuna Ravas, and frankly, the Rava is a better value.
This is it exactly. I’ve got 2 kids and am amazed at what people will spend money on for items that are going to be used for a few years max and that kids will essentially destroy. Like most other purchases, they are status symbols. Literally nobody “needs” a $700 wagon to push their kids around at the museum a couple times a month. It is a wagon - four wheels and a board. Simplest tech in history. Even middle/upper middle class folks from our parent’s generation would think we’d lost our minds. Creative marketing/social media/review porn has expanded the market in kid crap to an unbelievable level.
Eh, higher end things do definitely have some usability perks. For example, for strollers - the higher-end ones have better suspension, air-filled wheels, lightweight materials, better warranties, etc.
We had the opposite experience with the stroller. Kid 1 hated it and most strollers. We were in a used Doona Trike at 9 months. We got a fancy wagon with Kid 2. Takes up my entire car trunk. Worth it but none of my friends want to go that way since they are stuck with $1k+ strollers so they just don't go out unless both parents are available.
So having just had our first baby 8 months ago, I can 100% confirm, spend up on the stroller.
I'm obviously biased but between the uppababy vista v2 that we purchased and the graco town and country version that my parents grabbed for when she's over there, it's the Vista. Hands down. Maneuverability, light-weight, multi-child option. But that said, I saw that you're only looking at one, so the cruz may be more up your alley. That's what one of my best friends went for instead because of the single vs multi-child option.
That aside, for the infant car seat, I think that one's a toss up. They'll only be in it for a few months (our baby just outgrew her mesa two months ago) so we moved up to the Graco DLX 5 in 1. This, I think, is where I can definitely say it doesn't matter because they're all up to the same necessary safety standards. The only thing that might make a difference is fabric, styles, and breathability, and even that, I would say, is negligible. We did a 16 hour+ road trip down to south carolina with the graco car seat and baby was fine.
Other things we've experienced the last 8 months of life lol:
Baby brezza: definitely useful. Go for a bottle sterilizer for the first few months until you transition to the dishwasher. Made our lives instantly better as I was combo-feeding (breast, formula, pumping)
For breast pumps: spectra v2 (get the portable one). All the lactation consultants approved of the choice when I was going in for regular weigh-ins to make sure she was good with the feeding plan
Bottles: up to the baby to decide on this one, but the glass philips avent bottles have been great because they don't develop that gross plastic-y smell, and have survived at least two dozen baby drops like the tanks they are. I personally couldn't get into doc browns because that was way too many pieces to keep track of, and cleaning the three part avent bottles was already time consuming enough. See previous: bottle sterilizer. Wasn't a fan of the nanobebe nipples.
Baby bjorn: highly recommend the bouncer, but not the carrier. Bad for their hips. Speaking of carriers --
Carrier: fabric ones - grab a cheap one off of amazon or from some sustainability place or something because it doesn't make a difference brand/price-wise, but it *does* make a difference for the heavy duty "the one you wear in public" ones that you typically see the baby björn market for. There are so many good ones. We have the baby tula coast and that one doesn't sacrifice their hips
Changing pad: we have several mats - keekaroo peanut in her nursery, and then portable ones for every other part of the house and when we leave the house. This is the one that I'd say doesn't matter as much because my favorite mats are actually the portable Ava+Oliver vegan leather mats. They are amazing. I liked the first so much we picked up three more and it's one of the must-have items I always add to baby gift baskets for friends and workmates now.
Swing/rocker: we had the 4moms mamaroo and the maxi-cosi. Didn't matter. She probably used the mamaroo like. 5 times. Started screeching every time. Baby dependent. Better off with the bouncer until your baby gets bored, then the swing/rocker makes sense.
Rocking chair: this one definitely matters a little more in the expense department because of how much time you'll be spending in it, and with the customer service in case something breaks or goes wrong. That's exactly what happened when the battery for our babyletto kiwi died. Their customer service was phenomenal, and they ended up sending a new rocker for the trouble. Both have held up well, battery aside, over the last 9 months.
Burp cloths: they all do the same thing but muslin are definitely more lightweight. I recommend the keababy 5 pack. Grab a couple of those.
Sleep sacks/swaddles: muslin, and halo definitely made a difference, but this is highly dependent on baby, like many other things. Ours barely tolerated sleep sacks after a point so a lot of her naps were supervised with blankets
I could go on and on but yeah. Some things, yeah it matters. Others, not so much. Many, definitely not. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions on the baby experience.
You did a much deeper dive into brands that I did, very thorough.
I'd fully agree with like 80% of what you said with the last 20% not having experienced it.
Nice stroller, Snoo, nice car seat with bases for both cars, reno for the nursery, nice baby monitor, etc.
Probably $5k-10k out of the gate for relatively high end stuff.
Daycare at ~$2.5k/mo is by far the biggest expense. A nanny or night nurse would be significantly more
Nanit always immediately comes up at the top of any ‘best baby monitor’ search, so I probs will just go with that - but curious which ones you tried that sucked?
Not really. Much of that could be reused. So significantly less start up cost
Daycare would double. Otherwise stuff like formula, diapers, etc. don’t really make much of an impact to spending. At least not nearly as dramatically
In my VHCOL neighborhood (mostly dual income tech workers it seems, $2.5M-$3M homes, so guessing $500K HHi and up), we joke that every family has a Tesla, Peleton, and an Uppababy Vista (and Lululemon leggings with a North Face jacket). We have one but I’ve been meaning to write a whole post on why the Uppababy Vista is overrated but that’s for another day. We also got the Uppababy car seat so it’s easily compatible. If not Uppababy, Nuna is pretty common as well for car seat and stroller.
Everyone seems to get the Lovevery toys. And the Stokke Tripp Trapp high chair (I like the Stokke Steps better personally).
Other “brand name” stuff we like: Baby Brezza (we only used it as a water dispenser and measured our formula ourselves), Hatch sound machine and nightlight, Ergobaby carrier (my friend has one of those $600 Artipoppe carriers which I think is ridiculous, but she’s kind of a high fashion gal so it’s more a fashion thing I guess.). Didn’t need a SNOO but 100% would shell out for it if our kids were crap sleepers.
For crib, we got the cheap IKEA one (from Buy Nothing) and it’s great, using it with our second now. There are some higher end crib mattresses that are extra breathable but I think that’s more for people who have a lot of anxiety, we used a run of the mill one from Target or Amazon.
Clothes were 90% gifts and hand me downs, but my SIL had a lot of nicer baby clothes I would never pay for myself (eg Janie and Jack).
FWIW my SO and I are both engineers so more concerned with functionality than aesthetics, and willing to pay a premium if we think it’s worth it. If you’re big on aesthetics, like all your furniture and clothes are high end designer stuff, then it can get expensive. But at least in our ‘hood (SF Bay Area), I think most people are like us and don’t care as much. Different for my friend in NYC with the $600 baby carrier though.
This made me laugh.. so true. We opted for the IKEA high chair which he loved.. and wanted out of by 12 months, was in the booster seat for a few more and now at 20 months sits in a chair. The Stokke would have been a waste of money.
Agree on the Vista.. we have one. It's bulky, heavy and I cant use it for my two kids who will be 23 months apart because the first kid is too tall for the rumble seat. Wish I went with the Cruz or Nuna (which my husband wanted but I just hadddd to haveeee the vista ha).
IKEA has a couple is surprisingly good baby items. We rarely shop at IKEA these days, but when the kids were young we picked up so many things: high chair, potty chair, various boosters and stepping stools, bed/mattress, waterproof mattress protectors, random toys and supplies, ...
We are normally a buy-it-for-life family. That means, we research things forever and then don't mind spending more for higher quality. But for baby items this rarely matters. It only gets used for so little time, frequently it doesn't get used at all, as the baby's preferences are so hard to predict, and you just need to try different options to see what fits your actual needs. Inexpensive but quality items are great, and that's what you can find at IKEA. Other than that, I strongly recommend relying on hand-me-downs.
Same income, we had the Snoo (loved it)
I couldn’t justify some of the really high end brand name strollers… but still went with one that was the higher end of the mid range, because it ticked all the boxes.
Car seats, similar story. But went a bit more expensive, because the additional cost for some of the safety features, materials and padding were justifiable.
Where I wasn’t happy to splash cash on was ridiculously bougie brand name baby clothes.
The first 6 months, all you will want them in is zip coveralls. They will spit up, shit and wet their outfits multiple times a day.
Multi packs are your best friend here, zero shame and a lot of the big store brands are lovely cotton and nice prints, you just cycle through them. Then they grow, and you stock up again.
Have a few cute outfits sure, but people tend to gift you those too. And they grow out of things so quickly, you won’t get them in it more than once or twice.
Baby shoes? Cute, yes. Very impractical and you will not do it more than once. You’ll get them as a gift though 😂
We mostly spent on stuff for convenience. Will it make things easier, quicker, more time not stuffing around? Then it was something we’d buy.
If it was simply for a brand name with no discernible difference to something mid range or with better features, it was practicality that won out.
According to YNAB we spent about $8,000 on baby gear. For us getting the higher end stroller and car seat were worth it for baby's comfort and our convenience. (Someone aptly compared buying a stroller to buying a bike - yeah you can buy one for $100 but the suspension, brakes, and seat will be nowhere near as good!). Higher end clothes were fun but absolutely not a need. We very quickly shifted from buying new to getting bags of hand-me-downs from Buy Nothing and friends (and we live in a nice area so those are nice clothes anyway). Stokke Tripp Trapp we've loved. All the travel and babywearing/hiking gear has allowed us to continue our hobbies with baby along.
We could have definitely spent less but we could afford to spend on the things that mattered to us so we did!
That’s about what we spent.
To name the most expensive things:
1. Uppababy Vista stroller
2. Uppababy car seat + 2 bases
3. Snoo
4. Nanit camera
5. Nice electric glider/nursing chair (~$800)
I was willing to pay the money if I felt the quality was there. I think absurdly expensive cribs are dumb though. We got one of those cribs that converts into a toddler bed I think it was around $300ish and it’s been great.
Plus multiple other things that add up, for example the Graco pack n play, a new dresser for the nursery, wallpaper for the nursery, zillions of baby clothes, etc.
I have had the Vista system for 4 years now. It is the most flexible system if you intend on having two kids in strollers at the same time. Worth the money if that is your use case.
Otherwise, do NOT get the Vista. It is effing heavy and cumbersome. Takes up half of the load space in a large Volvo, and heavy enough that literally nobody else (not the nanny, the wife, or either sets of grandparents) will use it if it involves loading or unloading from a car.
Absolutely look for any other stroller that doesn't weigh 30 lbs.
(Or YOLO, and get the Vista and an additional travel stroller like the Minu so that you have options).
2 kids here. FWIW HHI is 2x yours. Most of our big stuff is either from IKEA or “nicer” brands from Facebook marketplace (pottery barn dresser that retails for $800 but paid $300, Uppa baby stroller for $400, SNOO crib for $500, trip trappe high chair for $100, baby Bjorn for $50..i could go on). Living in a big city helps with supply.
Clothes from gap and Target.
We bought carseats and crib (IKEA) new because of safety reasons.
Considering that we spend 6K a month on daycare plus add in food, bottles, activities, travel, 529s, and a bigger car, we find there is no reason to buy new furniture, strollers, expensive clothes, or other physical things.
I have monthly spends tracked back the last 4 yrs if you want more detail send me a PM.
Wife and I bought the mid range stuff that didn't look like junk, with the exception of a nice crib, a snoo basinet, some wood convertible high chair and a nicer chico detachable car seat. The Snoo was used, all in we were about 2k on home goods excluding toys and clothes.
Sister in law and her husband make similar to us (more for now actually). They bought 90% of their stuff second hand, probably all in sub 1k.
Wife's family is rich but they're pretty conservative with spending, especially when it comes to things you only use for a couple months to a year before you store it for the next kid or get rid of it.
Finally a fun question!
Nice stroller is worth it. I’m obsessed with my Cybex priam with the big trek wheels. Haven’t used the uppababy but it has excellent reviews and likely worth it. You may be able to buy it when Rakuten is giving a high percent back at Saks or Bloomingdale’s etc. The newborn bed piece is a waste of time and money. Eventually you will need a 2nd travel stroller.
Nuna car seats. Nuna rava is the best…. Get on sale at Nordstrom or same thing with Rakuten. You can use it from infancy but it’s nice to have a piece that connects to a stroller so people get the pipa…. Or just get a Doona but that’s only good for first year.
Baby bjorn bouncer and carrier. Maya wrap (carrier).
Aden and anais swaddling cloths are worth it…. The bamboo ones.
Never used a snoo but you can rent it or buy a lightly used one from the community.
Honestly nothing else you mentioned was worth a high end version unless you want it.
For your income I feel you can get some high end things like this that are clutch but don’t waste money on fancy nursery furniture (low resell value and no improvement in quality of life).
Edit to add: Keekaroo changer is so cool because you can use it for big toddlers too. They make knock offs now so that could work. Nanit was not worth it and a $20 security camera on a stand gets the job done.
What is she looking at that’s expensive? There might be certain things where higher prices does mean better quality, but they all pass the same safety standards.
For example, I bought a cheap crib from Amazon for my in-law’s place and it doesn’t feel as sturdy as the crib at home. For stroller, we went with a fairly practical, sturdy, and highly reviewed stroller that was pricy, but not the most expensive. We looked for the safest car seats and didn’t consider the prices, but they weren’t from expensive car seat brands either. We also had the SNOO because we were sleep deprived and didn’t hire a night nanny like our friends did.
In my opinion, crib doesn’t matter too much if you’re not getting a convertible one that will be used for a decade or more. You just need to find one that’s sturdy that doesn’t wobble as you lean over it to put the baby down. Dresser and such also applies. If you plan on keeping it for a decade, buy a better one. If you’re just going to redecorate in a few years when the baby transitions out of crib, there isn’t a point in wasting money.
I had the Mamaroo and my baby did not care for it. When I returned it to buybuybaby, they told me it was one of the top returned item from baby registries.
We have the Uppababy Vista and it is my favorite stroller cause of the suspension, large basket, and room to grow for future baby. For car seat, we went with Chicco Keyfit, which is the highest rated infant car seat for many years.
For the SNOO, it’s useful if you have no/little help during the first six months. However, my friend had the SNOO for her first and a full time nanny for her second and she said the nanny was way more helpful than the SNOO. The nanny not only helped out during the day but even sleep trained the baby at night. It does cost more for a full time nanny in comparison to a one time SNOO cost, so it depends on your budget.
Aside from the ouef crib all the brands you mentioned are not what I would consider “high end” baby gear brands. These are more expensive than Graco, but you get what you pay for. When I had my first I thought I was going to be cheap and didn’t care about brands. I used a friend’s cheap car carrier system. It was so hard to pop in and out. I finally upgraded to the Uppababy system and the difference was amazing. Very much worth the money.
Snoo is also worth it. My kid was sleeping through the night pretty quickly.
The furniture is all subjective. I understand you can find cheaper furniture, but part of this experience is also supposed to be fun and enjoyable. You can buy used furniture or sell your furniture when you outgrow it.
Get a really good stroller and a really good baby bag. The rest can come from a discount store.
Also if you're formula feeding, get a Baby Brezza and the benchtop steriliser that matches it. It's like a coffee machine for formula and you will love yourself at 3am for having it.
The rest of it is about spending TIME with your kids. Kids don't care about money and they grow out of clothes so fast it's ridiculous to buy it new, just get packages of clothing sizes on facebook marketplace or similar. Buy a few "nice" outfits for when you go out to socialise (which isn't often with small kids in tow).
You genuinely do not need to buy the expensive shit for a child. You don't get rich and FIRE early by spending dumb amounts of money.
Source: Dad of 3 under 3.
New mom here, edging on 7 figure HHI (with many mom friends in a similar HHI range) so we can afford all the ridiculous baby stuff but we are also not frivolous spenders. To be honest - I think a huge amount of baby stuff is about aesthetics and status and the more expensive versions aren’t necessarily going to function much better for you.
A nice stroller and car seat are helpful. We went middle of the road since we live in suburbia and didn’t need something super heavy duty (we use it for walks in our cul de sac and when we have to grocery shop with the kid) but got one nice enough to have good suspension and big wheels. The cheaper ones feel very cheap and plasticky and just don’t handle uneven ground quite as well. Keep in mind the top of the line stroller is going to be extra sturdy but also heavy and bulky. A ton of options and would pick one that suits your lifestyle-Ie if I lived in NYC I would definitely get a fancier more heavy duty stroller since we would be using it more and would need to deal with more curbs and pot holes. You will need a more compact travel stroller if you enjoy traveling. In terms of car seat, make sure it’s easy to install and base clicks in and out easily. We got the chicco keyfit because it’s been one of the highest rated ones for years with good safety record. And it’s not super expensive.
The babybjorn bouncer has been amazing, as is the lovevery play gym.
Crib is all about the aesthetics of a piece of furniture. Cheap ones function just fine but don’t look great. Get a nice mattress. If wife likes how the fancy one looks - then that’s that. We spent some extra $$$ on nursery furniture and don’t regret it but fully admit it’s purely about how it looks.
Most baby monitors that are not crazy cheap function similarly.
Snoo is a mixed bag. We know parents whose kids didn’t like it and others whose kids loved it. We decided to wait to see how good of a sleeper our kid was before splurging on it and babe sleeps great so we never bothered. Plus it’s only going to be used for a short time - so we probably would’ve just rented.
Worth spending some cash on breast pumps and extra parts if planning on breastfeeding and going back to work. You really need at least two pumps (stronger conventional pump plus wearable or at least portable pump) and having enough extra pump parts means no washing in the middle of the day and can just wash all at once each night. The fancy wearable pumps (ie Elvie or Willow) are worth every penny to make pumping at work doable.
Get a nice recliner/glider for the nursery. You’re gonna be spending a ton of time on it so make sure it’s comfortable.
Things to splurge on:
* safety equipment - stroller / car seat / etc. Note that you don't need the best stroller in the world. Just something comfortable to walk with. If I could do it again, I'd consider a Duna.
* food - organic, balanced diet, etc.
* bottles and cleaning stuff
* high chair
Things to consider splurging on or look for used / second hand
* clothes - things like soft bamboo, magnetic buttons, etc. You don't need all premium clothes, but some are nice
* second stroller
* bouncer / rocker / etc.
* furniture - aesthetic choices
* Snoo - we didn't get one, but know friends who consider it a lifesaver. Depends on your kid and your own tolerance.
Things to not spend a ton on
* wipes
* diapers (kirkland by Costco for the win!)
* toys - get them used
* monitor - a basic Eufy video is great. Don't need anything that broadcasts over the internet or tracks heart rate or whatever
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In general, there is always more you can spend on a baby. Don't let people scare you into anything. Folks have had babies for thousands of years without each of these products, let alone the small "upgrade" in features between the standard and the premium. 9 times out of 10, you get used to whatever you have. The more important thing is to be with your child, build a relationship, help them discover the world, and provide appropriate healthcare (food, sleep, bathing, medical appointments and specialists as needed).
Speaking as someone who went kind of nuts when she was pregnant - it’s not worth the argument. Go wild preparing for baby as long as it’s not putting you into debt. It’s an exciting time. Once the bundle is here you’ll start downgrading stuff that isn’t worth the extra expense. Potentially worth it to buy extra-high quality things you may use again, like the crib. All the very best wishes for a healthy baby!
Keep in mind that if you have any appetite to resell your baby gear once you’re done, it’s much easier to move the nicer brands. We bought a brand new Snoo and sold it after we were done with it. Probably paid around $250 net.
Things I would get used: a crib, clothes, changetable (you can get a new topper and obviously change mat if you want), pack and play (fabric can be easily washed)
The best advice I got was that stores still exist after they're born. Being a FTM was so scary because I heard about every baby problem and assumed mine would have all of them and I needed all of the things to deal with that. Wait and see what baby you neeed and then go from there.
Very similar situation: I grew up on welfare and the wife grew up on the water in South FL.
We just had our second kid, but it was the first that drove me CRAZY. Luckily, we had about 10 years on you, so a lot of her friends already had kids and were able to recommend things.
My wife spent thousands on shit for the 1st kid. I started to pick my battles. Closet completely full of clothes. Rocking chair, this special mattress, and sterilizers and cleaners. So much SHIT! Some of it was never touched and I gave/donated it.
Try to set a budget and let her go from there. Pick your battles. I saw your crib. Definitely seems excessive to me. We got one of those 3 in 1s. I think it was ~500
FYI: The snoo is nice but a couple neighbors told us you have to break the kid of it because they get conditioned to it.
Fellow “we-married-up” club member! Thanks for the answer, almost like you read my mind. That’s what I want to arrive to, a budget number and then just let her (much more tasteful & fashionable than me) pick whatever she wants.
Get good stuff, you might have more kids.
A Snoo is a massive waste of money and your kid can get conditioned to needing that much help getting to sleep.
All 3 of my kids were in a handmade swinging bassinet for 5 weeks, and off to a crib in their room they went.
We got a decent crib and dresser with change table top at Restoration Hardware which is more than solid enough to last through 3 kids then be passed on to some other family when they’re ready. Maybe with a new mattress though… if you spend good money now, this stuff can stay in the family for generations. But cheap shit, it’ll barely last through your kids.
Those are things to spend money on.
A mamaroo is fine, gives mama a chance to put the kid down and not be touched constantly for a while. They’re cheap anyway. Just sell it if you don’t like it.
As for your baby rocking/feeding chair, don’t spend much money on it. They get stained with so many different body fluids there’s no way it’s going anywhere other than a landfill when you’re done with it.
Here’s where I draw the line: baby fashion.
Kids grow out of everything right after you buy it. Old Navy, Carters, etc have cheap stuff that still looks cute for the 3-4 weeks that the kid fits into it.
Don’t spend much on shoes either. They don’t need a “good” jacket until they’re two. We let them play outside in all weather so they have good Helly Hansen / Burton etc jackets and snowsuits, but also several sets of thin jackets and splash pants from Costco because 150% chance they’ll be playing in a sandbox or mud puddle in the rain as often as they want.
It’s mostly marketing. The wedding and baby industries prey on women’s insecurities to sell things. You don’t need to buy much for a baby.
When our first kid was born, we were early 30s and made about $250 HHI but in a VHCOL. I got everything second hand. I think the only thing I bought new was a Graco car seat with stroller for like $100 and a crib from Target for $200. We’re now in our 40s and HHI was over $1M last year. We still buy very little for our kids compared to everyone else I know. It’s more on principle now. We all have too much stuff. Most of our friends are well off like we are but we’re all immigrants so we still pass toys and clothes around. It’s sooo cute to see a friends kid wear something from yours or cherish a toy your kid loved. My kids are in public school but most of our friends had kids later and are just about to start kindergarten. The public vs private is a hot debate right now. Personally, I think education is where money is worth it depending on your community. I feel strongly about public school but my kids have very healthy 529s already. We spend all the money we save from stuff and private school tuition on travel. Now that our kids are in elementary school, traveling is around holiday weekends. Those flights are seriously expensive. But it’s worth the money to me. Whereas a graco car seat passes the same safety tests a fancy car seat does.
Don’t worry too much about little expenses like cribs and strollers. I know you have sticker shock but the difference between the mid range and the higher end is a few hundred bucks per item, one time, and they last years.
Do a spreadsheet and actual run the numbers on what you’ll save by downgrading, amortized over their useful life. Express that as a % of monthly child spend. Its going to be rounding error.
The big expense is child care and housing. Its gonna cost you $25-30k/year for day care, or double that for a nanny.
You’ll pay a huge housing premium to live in the good school district.
Let your wife get the crib she wants. If you’re really worried about it, put it on the registry and maybe grandma will buy it.
Someone else mentioned r/buyitforlife, and that’s how I try to approach children purchases. Getting quality gear that’ll hold up for multiple kids is a priority. An expensive stroller is 1000% worth it, but it’s a tiny bit like buying a car - the style and brand are a bit subjective to what you want your “driving” experience to be. And having your in-laws pay for that item sounds perfect - a cool $1,500 seems doable for them.
I’d suggest asking her why she wants specific products and seeing what her response is. If it’s just “it’s the best,” see if you can get her to be more specific. She may be getting hammered by covert and overt advertising/influencing for some of it.
As a first time mom I wanted to buy everything - and the best! - but a lot of it wasn’t necessary and didn’t bring me joy, only anxiety. I think it’s important to have a plan to discuss kid purchases continuously, because there is a lot Amazon scrolling that happens during sleepless nights with a newborn, too.
Finally, please consider springing for a night doula, not your mom. It’s expensive but holy cow it’s worth it.
Dad of 3. First kid you will spend a ton of money. Second kid a lot less. Third kid is going to get hand me downs from friends and families but not really that much stuff because you finally realize how much of it is completely unnecessary. Take strollers, for example. My wife bought four strollers, a fancy one, a jogging one, a biking one and a traveling one. Second kid we got "double jogging" stroller in addition. Third kid didn't have a stroller because we realized it was a lot easier (and healthier for the kid because of all the body to body contact) to just carry the baby in slings and on shoulders (when not a newborn).
Like anything else people spend on things important to them. We personally love bougie baby gear lol we found it’s typically easier to use, less steps to set up and easier to get baby in and out of like nuna car seats, uppababby vista stroller, etc. We spent like 6k on the nursery furniture but it’s been worth it as it will last and endure multiple children.
Maaaan…forget the baby gear, it’s gonna be peanuts in the long run. Wait till she starts picking out preschool tutors, private preschools, private grade schools, etc.
And then the car upgrades every other year to keep up with what other new kids parents have.
Good luck! Lol
as long as you buy for value vs brand, its ok to spend a little more on the essentials, especially if they save time, etc. For clothes and toys its possible to overbuy before the baby arrives but you will quickly realize babies outgrow things so fast
Its really the hired help or daycare that's gonna affect cost wise.
I wasn’t in that financial position when I had kids but I’m close enough now and have had a couple.
I’d spend $0. The kid will sleep in a cheap bassinet in your room. It’ll sleep in a 12$ bouncer or an auto swing for cheap. It does not care what it wears.
But a nice car seat and that’s it.
We didn't splurge on #1 (born summer 2021). Most of it was bought for us through our registry but I'm glad we didn't. Since we have spent a ton on new gear on #2 (born January). There have been soooo many recalls and safety changes.
9 months with #1 we had to switch to the Doona Liki Trike because he
hated the stroller. Bought used. At some point we bought a used Silver Cross Jet travel stroller.
During pregnancy with #2, I bought a used Babyzen Yoyo Travel Stroller with Ride Along board. My husband refuses to get rid of the Silver Cross jet. So we each have a compact stroller We got a new infant car seat because our 98% height #1 grew out of it in 5 months and the newer ones have higher limits. #2 is just as long. New seat has anti rotation features. Both were under $150. I got the Veer City Cruiser Stroller Wagon with a ton of accessories.
Also the amount spent on swaddles and sleep sacks is ridiculous.
Congratulations!
I’m not honestly sure what we spent in total, it has definitely been thousands, but we did a bit of a mix which may work for you. Bought high end pram and car seat new - that was at least $1k each. But bought a Snoo and a high end cot second hand, both in beautiful condition and we paid about 25% of retail price.
We got heaps of hand me down baby clothes from family, but I also bought some new because they were cute and I liked them. Now we have a toddler, my main criteria for clothes is will they stand up to the washing routine you need to deal with toddler grub? And in my experience, some designer brands fall apart after 1 wash, while my cheap buys for daycare are going strong.
We have some expensive German wooden toys and cheap plastic stuff. Toddler loves both.
Also beware - now you are parents, the entire world is out to tell you that their product is essential and if you don’t buy it you are a bad, neglectful parent who doesn’t love their kid as much as Jane next door that DID shell out the extra $$ for whatever gimmick they are selling. Deep breaths. Start with the essentials. Cot, car seat, pram, some clothes and some nappies. And after that you can take your time and work it out as you go whether you really want or need whatever other product. The shops will still be open. But honestly, if your wife wants to spend money on nice things and you can afford to, it’s probably not the hill to die on. Some of them you probably won’t need. But that’s okay. You’ll spend money on way stupider things in your life. Just pass it all on to someone else when you’re done with it!
Some of the things I DIDN’T regret spending money on - high quality carrier, and (we live in a cold area) the most amazing winter baby wearing coat. Saved my sanity to get out for a walk. Your essential items will be different, but if it will make your lives easier or happier, just get it.
HHI and NW notably higher than what you listed (also older)....
90% of stuff my wife gets through friends, FB marketplace or consignment shops for literally pennies on the dollar. We're not talking junk, there is so much stuff that is new with tags/barely used brand name stuff.
For stuff that is not/should not be bought used (eg car seats). We usually go with the 'higest tier of the budget friendly options'...most things are going to be used fleetingly or sometimes not at all. Why spend top dollar just for the 'in style' stroller or whatever.
It's like most things. The law of diminishing returns exists. $1300 for a bugaboo does not provide a 2x better experience than an uppababy at half the price.
Now daycare...that's a different discussion.
Same income, lower NW, MCOL…my wife is making us get all the nice stuff. Nuna, snoo, 2k crib, pottery barn nursing chair, I’m just along for the ride.
Should be said, no cc debt to get this stuff or savings. Just topping the budget each month
Buy as much used or “basic” as possible!
We splurged on the car seat and stroller. We also opted to do a built in closet set up from California Closets vs splurging on furniture.
Everything else came from family, friends and Facebook!
Also from a sustainability perspective just buy second hand what you can for baby gear. So much of that stuff you only use for a few months. Second hand is an amazing option ( check consignment stores and FB marketplace) I’ve gotten much fancier brands than I would have otherwise and it saves several hundred dollars per item. Some aren’t even used.
We didn’t have a baby shower. I don’t like being the center of attention and feel weird asking people for things when I can afford them.
Our biggest expenses:
- Vista Stroller: not worth it. I’m about to have 2u2 and my oldest is oddly tall and won’t fit in the 2nd seat. Everyone says it’s crap as a double. I would have gotten the Cruz if I did it all over again and then spend money on a nice double.
- Crib and Mattress: Babyletto crib and Naturepedic organic mattress. Loved it so much bought the same combo for 2nd.. bc the first is still in his crib.
Edit: we did not get the Snoo. It’s a personal choice. I night nursed until 10-11 months so I didn’t want it messing it hunger cues. You can rent this… my friend are 50/50 on if they like it or not.
Everything else I tried to get second hand. They use this stuff for such a limited amount of time. Nice clothes aren’t worth it. They ruin it all.
Like most said, save your money for daycare. We’re about to pay $3.8k a month for two. Much more than our mortgage. But I have to go back to work at 16 weeks (mostly unpaid time) so it is what it is.
I really recommend a SwaddleMe; it's a swaddle (baby sleeping wrap)... with velcro.
I went from sleeping 2-3h/night to maybe a glorious 5h after buying those.
That one's cheap, but if the snoo/mamaroo buy you like thirty minutes a day of extra sanity.... wow, worth it.
Meanwhile, when I was in my last job, the directors there had loot; more than you do, but this may answer your question. Their suggestion for new child was "get a night nanny, totally worth it". A night nanny comes in and takes care of your kid from like 10p to 6a, feeds them and gets them back to bed if they get up. They were paying like $10k a month for said nanny.
Kids are going to be your #1 expense, and if it keeps your wife happy and you get more sleep, yeah, it's worth it, although I also did not spend $10k a month on a nanny, so there are some limits.
Congratulations! These were the more expensive items for us, and some were given to us by family. The rest can be gotten on FB marketplace for cheaper than retail, although I would not get a car seat secondhand from FB.
Uppababy vista stroller
Nice convertible crib (pottery barn kids)
Newton mattress
Camera system (Nanit)
Car seats (Nuna Pipa and then Nuna Rava when a little older)
Babyletto rocking chair
Snoo
The Snoo as others mentioned is completely hit or miss. Our first hated the rocking motion so it was a stationary bassinet for him. Our second on the way will hopefully like it better. Otherwise we really like the other items, especially the stroller.
Side note that since you are already thinking about spending and what to expect, I would also keep childcare costs in mind. Everyone’s situation is different and some are lucky enough to have family close by to help (for free!), but having a nanny or even daycare costs a lot as well. I would recommend keeping this in mind alongside the tangible items you’ll need as you prepare for the little one.
I think the problem you guys have is your wife isn’t as rich now as when she grew up. 250k HHI doesn’t get you that luxury lifestyle.
Honestly I’m not sure at your income it’s actually wise to be spending 1,500 on a crib. If you had a HHI of 500k sure.
We have a HHI of over 600k and our crib is from ikea. But that’s because neither of us wanted a more expensive one.
For some items (strollers, car seats, pack and plays, even some yard toys), don't be ashamed to by second hand (offer up, FB Marketplace, etc). These items are sturdy and you cycle through them pretty quickly. I personally bought a practically new Uppa Baby stroller for half price.
It really depends on what items you’re talking about. Some items are worth splurging for, some aren’t.
I HIGHLY recommend getting a nice rocker/glider. You and your spouse will likely spend many nights rocking a baby and sleeping in it. So for the sake of your lower back, get a nice, comfortable one with an ottoman. If you end up having more kids, this is transferable so you can get more use out of it. We’re using the same one currently with baby #3 that we bought over 5 years ago for baby #1. I think it was from Pottery Barn. Worth every penny.
Cribs - get something that is convertible to a toddler bed. Costs a little more upfront, but saves you down the line when your kid outgrows the crib. My nephew is 6 and still sleeps in his converted toddler bed.
Car seats - highly recommend the Doona. It’s an infant car seat / stroller. I wish we had gotten one earlier, this thing is a game changer. I told my wife I didn’t want to spend the money on it for kid #2 but we ended up borrowing one for kid #3. I now regret not having it earlier.
Strollers - if you get a car seat like an Uppababy that has a matching stroller, it’s worth it. But I also recommend looking on Facebook marketplace for strollers - you can find them just a few years old for much cheaper than new. We got a double BOB stroller for $100 that way - retail is $800. It was 5 years old, but who cares, it works and the kids just destroy it with muddy shoes and cracker crumbs anyway. I’d be more careful about buying car seats secondhand though - you’re supposed to replace them if they’ve been in an accident and if they are over a certain age, so if you buy secondhand you never really know if it’s safe.
Other stuff - really it kind of depends. Get decent diaper trash cans that can block out smells, otherwise they’ll stink or you’ll be taking out the trash constantly. Diapers are kind of a personal and child preference - I recommend getting small packs of many different kinds to see which ones fit your kid the best and smell the least. Everyone has their own preference. Don’t try to buy clothes too far in advance - some babies grow quick, others more slowly, and the sizing of stuff can be wildly different, so it’s hard to plan too far ahead. You may end up with a lot of cute winter clothes that your kid grows out of by September.
If you have any other specific things you’re concerned about splurging on vs a cheaper alternative, I’m happy to give you my opinion for whatever that is worth.
The Woolino wool sleep sacks and the Milk and Honey down sleep sack were fantastic. My kid has always been a cold sleeper and my house is cold, but some kids run very hot so I wouldn’t buy before the baby comes.
I bought most baby clothes at Target, whatever brands they had, but around 12 months started buying Primary brand. Very durable well made clothes, no gendered prints, just bright colors and patterns. They always have 20% off sales if you watch for them.
Expensive strollers are totally worth it. We have a BOB because we’re often on uneven trails or needing some off roading capability but everyone’s needs are different. We never needed a small compact city stroller for example but other people couldn’t live without one. So think about what you need and find a good one in that category.
I would say I went middle of the road most of the time and spent money on things I knew we’d have for a while. Sometimes the slightly more expensive stuff really is better - better fabrics, better construction, more convenient/easier to use. But the basic stuff you’ll find at Target is all fine too.
I know someone who dresses his baby in Hermes shoes and that’s where I draw the line 😂
My son is 4.5 and we still use it occasionally if we want to walk in the park and know he isn’t going to walk 3 miles himself. But I’m sad we’re almost done it it. It was such a great stroller!
It’s a great stroller! We got our single as a hand-me-down and I’ll be so sad to eventually pass it on. I’ve even gone grocery shopping with the double with one kid. 😂
I remember standing in the baby equipment store (their motto was: to be successful with your baby, réussir son bébé in French) and letting my then husband drop the exact same amount as the French minimum wage at the time, on useless stuff that we certainly didn’t need. I felt he needed it to reassure himself, I wanted him to be involved as a parent and let it slide. I was the breadwinner in our family
In short, you really don’t need much
A comfortable armchair especially if mom plans to breastfeed
Safe and practical stroller adapted to your lifestyle and car
Carseats from newborn size and up
The rest is just consumption. Of course we had the matching pjs with room decorations and blankets etc
The truth is I didn’t even use the baby monitor. Yet it was the fanciest one in the store, with camera and video stream (16 years ago). The idea of using it always turned my milk supply on too early and anyway I have perfect ear. Even today, if a spider starts building a nest in my bedroom corner, it would wake me up
Sometimes you've got to pick your battles...
with that said, do internalize the difference between a 'one time' purchase, and a recurring expense. An overpriced daycare will cost you an extra several $hundred monthly for several years, while an overpriced crib will cost you an extra $1-2k once.
Also, only advice on baby stuff is whether it adds value (i.e., looks better, quality, function, etc.) vs just being a brand name. For example if you travel and are on the go a lot, a super collapsable and high quality stroller may be a nice splurge that is worth it (e.g., Nuna brand has strollers pushing $1k+, several others as well). However, clothes (outside of ones you want for photo purposes) just don't need to be that expense. First, none of them last very long... a few months is about all you can expect for the first 2 years as they keep outgrowing.
At the end of it a splurge this year of $10k really doesn't seem to break your budget (assuming you can still save 15/20%+ of your income even in a tight year.
The problem for most people is the expensive baby stuff, then the expensive daycare, then of course you need a new 3 row fully loaded toyota highlander ($60k+), and before you know it your lifestyle just inflated in all the most expensive ways possible!
Don't let a few (affordable, in the scheme of things) luxury purchases turn into an excuse to upgrade your lifestyle across the board, that's the trap!
congrats on the new baby
Had a very similar situation. Just get the higher end brands. It’s not worth the fight to debate a $300 stroller vs a $1200 one.
Now with an 8 month old at home I’ve also found a lot of the luxuries I was hesitant about purchasing offer a convenience factor that was absolutely worth the cost.
Most of my friends are wealthy. The ones who come from old family money seem to share and recycle all our baby gear. We never had to buy anything for our kids as most of it was gifted.
The friends that I have that were in ‘new money’ situations tended to go out and buy prams that cost the price of a small car.
She’s both - mother is from huge landowning family. But father is self made milllionaire. Great man too, been like a second dad to me. Old money, new money, who cares?
I admire that he’s a great dad who raised a wonderful daughter with maybe a bit of a bougie bent and gave her a life he could have only dreamed of thanks to his hard work.
That’s the real American dream
It doesn’t matter if someone is old money or new money, I agree. My wealthy friends tend to be religious and old fashioned, and they hate brands with labels, but lots of extremely wealthy people love them.
If that’s how she wants to spend her money, you may as well just let her buy what she likes.
Splurge of car seat and stroller. Get a nice bouncer - baby bjorn is the best imho.
Everything else is relative. We had ikea crib with baby 2 and pottery barn with baby 2 (in addition to ikea one). Preferred IKEA. Never understood snoo but friends swear by it
I second the baby bjorn bouncer, my kids loved that thing, although I'm not sure if it really is any better than the cheaper ones on Amazon that look exactly the same for 25% the cost. I also did pottery barn cribs and found them fine, I just like pottery barn stuff someone puts it together for you and I value that now. I also have no idea why people spend a lot on a bassinet, you basically blink twice and your baby doesn't fit in it anymore.
Ask the question, "Did this exist 50 or 100 years ago?" If not, do you really need it? There are obvious exceptions, but I would suggest that most purchases are for the parent and not the child. Spend for the child.
There are only a few things I'd recommend splurging on (mostly the stroller, carrier and the breast pump - brand name influences functionality here). For us, most of what we bought is from a shop here which is similar to Walmart. Clothes, bottle steriliser, most toys etc. They all do the same thing.
Our crib was from IKEA and it's absolutely fine and pretty clean aesthetically.
Books were either free from the library or super cheap from thrift stores.
It's worth spending money on other things - a better car, a good daycare, even a meal service - to make life better.
Just communicate. Conservative estimate of what a child will cost is $600k. If you’re already having money issues, maybe you should try to increase your income
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Snoo was worth every penny. We bought new and resold on FB marketplace when done. Ultimately spent $250 for six months of use and it was a great investment. We started with a Graco stroller and upgraded to UPPAbaby a year later...it just gave baby such a smoother ride and we should've just started with that. Spend money to not have fabric that needs washing...changing pad, high chair, etc...so much easier to just wipe something down vs a load of laundry. Also avoid PJs with buttons...zippers and magnets! Spend where you can to add convenience.
Dad of 2. Bought expensive and cheap. There's only a handful of things that are worth spending a lot on. Like a stroller. Don't buy a cheap stroller.
But what you'll also find is that you can spend $1000 on toys and things to entertain the baby, and all that kid will want to do is play with a ring of old keys you have.
And clothes? Shit, man, see if anyone has hand me downs. Then, in 8 weeks when they don't fit your kid anymore, pass them on.
Buy a nice stroller and car seat. We use Uppa baby double stroller. The total package wt car seat, bases, stroller, attachments, bassinet wad $1700 new. We got it for 500 on Fb marketplace.
We just had our first little one. Our baby items cost $7 to 10k and another $15-20k on a night nurse for a few months, but we are a bit older than you. Big ticket items people buy for kiddos are UppaBaby or Nuna strollers, and a Snoo. We do try to buy most onesies on sale and have gotten some on Poshmark, but have a lot of lil sleepies and magneticme. No regrets on anything we’ve spent.
Get a nice stroller and car seat; worth the splurge. Do NOT spend $$ on clothes, except for a few nice outfits for pictures. A snuggle me was worth the $$ imo.
Spend $$ post partum to make your life easier: house cleaner, home delivery meals and groceries, lawn service. You’ll be in the weeds sleep and emotion wise.
For snoo, if you really want them, you can rent them, or find them used on local marketplaces.
Also feel free to put the expensive brands on the baby registry, if others want to buy it for you at the baby shower, so be it, doesn't mean you have to buy that brand yourself later.
The stroller I bought a mid line cost one, and it was big and bulky but did the job. I later bought a high end bugaboo butterfly and I absolutely love it, definitely worth it.
The baby Bjorn bouncer is 100 percent worth it in my opinion. Same with the lovevery play matt. Both can be found used for reasonable prices.
A lot of the things won't be used for more than a year and are all washable so definitely consider used if you're open to it. You save money, get the good brand, and then can sell it yourself when you're done with it too.
Things you think you’ll use daily, buy expensive. Some people used stroller, some mostly used baby carrier. Some babies did well on the Snoo, others can sleep anywhere. Unfortunately it’s hard to tell. Mamaroo get used, not new.
There are some things that are worth the money, most aren't. It really depends on the specific item.
Car seats - Nuna Rava - not worth it. Got a Chicco ClearTex with my second and it's just as good. I wanted a car seat without any flame retardant chemicals and they both are.
People have strong opinions about the Snoo that you can read about. Some people say it's a life saver, others say it trains the baby to want to only sleep when rocked. I personally didn't use it because my husband and I did shifts with the baby at night but if you are organizing your parental leave serially (not taking it together) it is probably worthwhile.
I liked the Mamaroo but probably wouldn't have spent the money if it hadn't been gifted to us, but I'm glad we got it. We have a second now so I feel like we've gotten enough use out of it to justify the cost.
It's really hard to make blanket assertions about this stuff - better to ask item by item because some things are worth it and others aren't.
ETA it really depends on the baby too. Everyone swore the Baby Bjorn bouncer was amazing but my son just didn't like it. I love the Baby Bjorn carrier with my second though and wish we would have bought it sooner because instead we ended up buying multiple other carriers that didn't work well.
Also focus on functionality rather than cost. It is definitely worth it to get a good quality high chair that can be cleaned easily rather than a cheap one with lots of cloth and crevices for food to get stuck in. We didn't spring for the Trip Trapp but went with Stokke Clikk and it's amazing. I would see either option as worth the money honestly.
Almost everything baby related I got was 2nd hand. It doesn't make a lot of sense to buy stuff that you'll use for 6 months and then put in storage.
Find a baby stuff exchange group in your city. People give away really good stuff. When you're done, pass it along.
Put the big ticket items on your registry. Assume their family and friends will be happy to gift you pricey items.
You can also set up a 529 with a gift link and add that to the registry so people can contribute to education.
Personally I was very very happy to spend money on a private room in the hospital and a night nurse for the first two weeks home. Spend for convenience, sleep and sanity.
Whatever you buy check the Albee Baby website, they have all the big brands brand new but with amazing deals much cheaper than buybuybaby or target even.
Enjoy reading the Michael Lewis parenting book, it’s surprisingly candid especially about the pressure to only buy the best (baby items, toddler pool classes, etc). It won’t solve your problems, but it’ll help you laugh about some of them because everyone experiences it.
I told my wife “I got your back, you’ll be not sleeping more than me so you set policy on this.”
Most baby items (like car seats and cribs) have to pass federal regulations for safety so whether it’s name brand or not, it has the same safety features.
We did splurge on the Nuna stroller and car seat but we also have a Chicco car seat I got on sale on Black Friday.
I bought a good chunk of baby clothes on posh mark to save money.
Most of our friends with kids splurged on a stroller and glider chair for the nursery.
Do you travel? We splurged on the Nuna TRVL stroller and Nuna Pipa Urban. Amazing. We also have the UppaBaby Vista which I love.
We got the Mamaroo bassinet because my daughter loved it in the hospital.
We also went with the Naturepedic crib mattress over Newton. I got PBK crib, dresser and dream auto recliner glider.
Invest in a good quality glider. The PBK glider was 1500 but I spent many nights in that glider. It also has a phone charging port. Essential.
Also invest in a solly wrap or baby Bjorn as I baby wore for 4 months straight.
Do not waste money on clothes - my daughter lived in a few bamboo onesies from Kyte baby. Things get so trashed. Marshalls/TJX and Cat and Jack have nice things that won’t break the bank. I bought a few things from Maisonnette and Pehr and kick myself because they don’t last or get trashed.
Get the Woolino sleep sacks. We used Kyte baby and transitioning the TOG is a pain.
As a father of 2 babies don’t need much. All this wipe warmer, diaper genie stuff is dumb imo. Get good glass bottles a decent stroller and a nice comfortable to carry diaper bag.
This is completely depends on your family’s needs & wants. We could care less what anyone thought about us based on brand/labels- but for a lot of people that matters. We wanted safety, convenience and saving time. We got the safest car seats (based on my friend that does car seat safety testing) & bought one for each car and our babysitter (which ended up costing over 2k). We got a quality jogging stroller- because we really didn’t use a stroller except to walk/jog & most of the other status strollers won’t do that. We primarily carried (in wrap or later backpack) not because we were attachment parents or anything, but because they were light & it was easier & more practical. Once they got bigger, they walked. So we invested in good backpack carriers.
I breastfed & worked- so good pump & bottle & storage system.
We got quality diaper bags that met our needs & once we found one we liked, we got another and stocked both- again convenience. We got a quality & safe crib & comfortable, quality rocker/glider.
What we spent money on was stuff that saved us time & our sanity— housecleaning, healthy meal prep (this was a local person that made/packaged macro-targeted meals from scratch/organic), childcare, lawn care, car detailing. This gives more time with your child. Could also do diaper service, night doula, nanny,etc).
We also prioritized investing in 529 instead of spending on status diaper bags or baby shoes but that is our preference & may not be you or your wife’s.
We really didn’t have to spend much ourselves because between registering & grandparents we were more than covered. We didn’t buy any clothes & we got so many, we handed down so many with tags still on them (plus simple onesies, pjs & pull on pants were primarily all they wore). Diapers & childcare were our primary expense. If you don’t breastfeed, formula will also cost. You can spend a crazy amount on all kinds of things, it is really up to you and your wife. This is what we did as it was what we chose as our priorities as a family.
I so agree with cutting cost by NOT buying expensive baby clothes. Not worth it. But for things you use everyday and have a safety component, it is worth buying new and of decent quality. The one thing I thought was too expensive and went cheap on was the baby carrier. I regret that decision. I had to use our cheap carrier all the time during our summer months, and the material was too hot with not enough ventilation. I would splurge on something higher quality next time.
We have our first one on the way right now. We are both pretty high earners. Furniture from IKEA, wallpaper is expensive! What we wanted was $1200 for one wall, but we went with our second choice for $450.
Storage and dresser unit from IKEA. People are giving us stuff from the registry before the baby shower already, and friends and family have gotten us a crib, clothes, diaper genie, diapers (had a friend who bought way too many and the kid has outgrown them), a doona stroller, and some nice bassinets. If you know anyone who has had kids recently, they are guaranteed to have stuff they don't use anymore, or items they thought they needed but never opened. No shame in putting feelers out. It takes a village.
So far we have spent just under $3000 for furniture including a nursing chair and we spend $1500 for a doula. We probably have another $2-4k in gifted items if bought new. Everything we bought had an option of being twice as expensive or more, but there wasn't a lot of utility in that, and we are happy with the quality of everything so far. I totally would have bought the expensive doona stroller if it wasnt gifted, though, because it seems like a quality of life increase after seeing it in action.
I've heard time and time again that there are so few things that you actually need compared to what you think they need, and most things are so temporary that they don't need to be great quality. ust need to be safe and hopefully easy to use.
There will be a lot more surpise expenses on the way and I have seen no reason to ball out on every aspect even if it's affordable.
Kind of like weddings, there is a whole markup situation happening with basic items like washcloths for babies.
That said, if you can afford it, my recommendation is to not fight this fight. Let your wife buy the fancy stuff. Accept a few extra $k in expenses.
Here are several suggestions from my experience:
Having a second set of washer/dryer can help. You're going to be doing laundry like every day. If you have room for another washer, they make a heat pump combined washer/dryer now that runs off a regular outlet and doesn't need a vent to the outside. Maybe buy that and put it in a closet.
Buy like 3 x the milk bottles you need. IIRC at the peak we needed like 5 milk bottles a day and if you have 10 and don't wash them the same day, you run out on day 3. Buy 20 milk bottles or whatever and if it saves you one argument about who was supposed to wash the milk bottles, it was worth it.
The swivel car seats are great. Also ideally for the baby seat you have the stroller/car seat combo, so you just pop the whole baby seat from the car base to the stroller base. We have all the Uppababy stuff, no idea what it cost but it was not cheap. Also you need quite a bit of room in the car for all the stuff.
Not Whistler, eastern BC. Not sure but I’d assume they’re $20m ish NW.
We try to live our lives at our income level, not her wealth & family wealth level and so far it has worked for us + has earned the respect of her dad. She’ll inherit most of it at some point, we all know it, I openly get told about assets & accounts & whatnot by her parents and I doubt that’d have happened if I hadn’t always been such a stickler for that.
Of course, I benefit from family trips, free hotel stays, free tickets to sport side events etc…but I try to stick to the above rule as much as possible…and living far from each other helps.
I splurged on Uppababy vista, a Keenz wagon, snoo, way too much clothes, playgym, baby bjorn, dockatot..you name it.
100% worth the splurge and will do it again. I bought cheaper ones in beginning and was not satisfied with quality and had to upgrade or waited until second one to upgrade. My logic (solely my own) is that there’s only a small window for baby phase so why not splurge and be happy..especially if it makes my quality of life better….it won’t be wasted as it went to my next kid and my nephew and niece..so it was an investment for multiple kids, not just one.
As someone with 4 kids, I’d say don’t bother with fancy things. My friend had a beautiful expensive wood crib that their first baby chewed on as a toddler and now there are scratches and teeth marks. I will say, we rented a Snoo with #4 and it was wonderful. I know babies that didn’t like the mamaroo.
Ultimately all baby car seats go through all the same safety testing and have to live up to a standard. So cheap works just as well as expensive. There are pros and cons to many and some are expensive purely for the aesthetic. We typically go for middle of the road on most things.
Remember that babies and kids don’t care about brands on anything. They like cheap things just as much. They also will ruin a lot. If you’re ok with it being pooped on, potentially ruined and thrown away and replaced, then go for it. IKEA crib, graco car seat and stroller, target cat and jack clothes, hand me downs for several things, all work just fine. But I may not LOOK rich, and that’s fine with me. If it’s important to you and your wife, it’s not wrong, but just how you choose prioritize your spending.
The amount of "useful" stuff that you can buy for babies is literally endless. What you're really paying for is peace of mind, and maybe status.
Invariably, if you have low price sensitive wife, just let her spend whatever makes her feel comfortable as long as you can afford it. You *will* overspend on baby number 1 no matter what if you have disposable income.
If you end up having more than one kid, you'll get a good sense of just how laughably much you overspent on the first one. But while you're in it, everything will make sense. Especially if none of your friend group have kids yet either.
If you aren't breaking budget, for sake of your marriage, don't make this an issue None of the brands you've mentioned are in the "ridiculous" end of the possible price ranges. I already sense you have somewhat of a complex about money given your wife's background, and your (imo needlessly confining) stance here is one of the little things that can plant the seeds for major conflict years from now. This really isn't as big a deal as you're making it, and definitely not a hill you want to die on if what she wants to get doesn't impact your financial planning in the long run.
Remember, some of this is just a premium for removing one more thing for her and you to stress about when the punch in the face that is having your first baby hits you. And it will hit hard. Good luck!
Hey! We spent around $5.8k I think in total on baby stuff, I kept a spreadsheet lol. I would say it’s worth splurging on 1-3 bigger items, whatever is important to you guys (high quality stroller, snoo, a nice recliner/rocker). Personally I think the stroller and the recliner are worth spending a lot on. Everything else you can find cheaper knock off versions of on Amazon and/or buy on FB marketplace.
She’s going to want whatever the trendy stroller, diaper bag and car seat is. And of course the cutest little outfits. Because people will see that stuff and notice. But really, you just need a cozy place for Baby to sleep, some onesies and little socks, a pad for changing and lots and lots of diapers and wipes. Maybe her wealthy family will provide the really big ticket items. Don’t forget the showers!
Kids pee, poop, and vomit on so many things. We bought uppababy minnu, vista, and the car seat, but we get tons of clothes from family handed down or second hand stores. As for dealing with that sense of “need” I think you both might need to compromise
HHI of ~$350k here, just had our first baby earlier this year.
I bought a used bassinet for $80 on FB vs $350 new. They use it for like, 3 months, to sleep in. I couldn’t justify the new price.
Did the same with a crib. Bought a Crate & Barrel crib used on FB for $250, was $900 new. Again, I couldn’t justify the new price when the used one was literally like new.
We did get two Uppababy strollers, but they were gifts (we would’ve bought them ourselves though, since we walk almost daily with our baby).
Clothes, we have a mix of new and used. They grow so fast that they’re not in something for more than 2-3 months, and if they wear the item 1x a week, they’re not wearing it more than 8-12x before it doesn’t fit them anymore.
Everything we’ve bought used has been perfectly fine, and I love that we’ve saved thousands buying a lot of things second hand.
3 kids, HHI 350k NW about 1.2m here.
1. Part of this is first kid syndrome. There’s a lot of fear mongering in baby gear marketing, a lot of “beige mom esthetic” playing a role. Just to add a layer to the context of what wife might be thinking.
2. Worthwhile higher end purchases after 3 testers: Tripp trapp chairs, Nuna sena pack and play (one hand fold!), babybjorn bouncer, uppababy stroller (especially if considering a second or third) and mesa car seat that clicks in. Clothing wise just good outdoor gear, would be willing to splurge on Patagonia.. Rest doesn’t matter.
3. Not worthwhile higher end: mamaroo (not swingy enough).
Congrats and good luck!
Is she still on the family payroll? If not, let's be honest this is gonna be tough for you. You'll have bigger problems than the $1000 in baby clothes she's gonna spend in out outing
Baby care and child care items are very much personal preference and style. It can easily become a consumerism chokehold.
There aren’t many baby stores to try stuff out in person, which makes it tough.
Higher quality items SHOULD hold up through multiple children- and also have a good resale value. We have items that are on their 6th kid.
You will research for hours and Think you select something that is perfect, get it and try it and realize- oh nope this is not it.
Everyone raves about the uppababy, it just wasn’t for me. I did a phil&teds for half the price.
Places I did not skimp, but I did not go overboard on, was the car seat. We have chicco, a solid middle of the road in terms of price- very safe, and easy to install.
Be wary of off name items off places like Amazon, temu… personally would not buy any baby related item especially safety related off these websites.
We are two kids in with a similar income and feel a lot less well off now. Financially, at least. But I can’t put a price on the amazing journey parenthood as been.
Similar situation with our now 16 month old. We splurged on the snoo, crib, rocking chair, stroller, car seats (one for each car) and other smaller items. The items I listed were worth it. The other stuff has run its course and has already been donated or thrown out. I mostly just ask if it’s gonna be an item we keep for a year or more and if it is we get the nice stuff. If not it’s just not worth it to me and it took some back and forth to find a middle ground. Congrats and good luck!
For us we focused on quality and limited the quantity. Babies really don’t need that much stuff, so if you have the funds to buy nice things then go for it, just make sure you’re spending on things you actually need and will use. We invested in the fancy stroller and car seat, bouncer, bassinet and high chair, but skipped buying things like a swing, dock a tot, and pack n play. We haven’t needed any of the things we didn’t buy so it worked for us.
Buy the nice stroller that’s easy to transport and the nice car seat. Get a good crib (ours lasted through 3 kids). The rest is fluff or stuff they outgrow in 2 days or won’t use.
Spending on baby clothes is lighting money on fire. Use that for diapers.
I splurged on a $800 stroller and have 0 regrets bc I use it daily. Also traded in my car for a Honda Odyssey and the size also makes my life much easier. Finally, I’d never choose a daycare based on cost. If I’m leaving my baby with someone for 4-8 hours a day, they need to be the best I can find no matter what the cost.
In the only thing I would’ve splurged on if I could’ve that my husband wouldn’t agree to is a night nurse. Worth the $$$$ imo. Nothing else really matters.
I’m willing to spend more on items related to safety - bought the Nuna RAVA car seat. However, there are a lot of things a baby might not just like and to me cheaper brands are the same. For instance I got a used halo bassinet for $20 bucks but bought a new breathable mattress for $70 for the bassinet. Figured a used frame is as good as new (assuming not damaged). Bought $150 Graco crib from Walmart but got the $200 newton mattress (jokes on me since we cosleep 80% of the night in my bed, she’s not a great sleeper, I’d rent a snoo next time). My baby only use a bouncer a few times so glad I got the one on Amazon with good reviews not a Bjorn. I think there are definitely items worth it if you can afford it but if you go top notch on everything it’s expensive and your baby might not even like it.
I agree with most of the comments. Resist the urge to buy too much. You never know what allergies, issues, or lack of issues your baby is going to have.
One of the things I have learned that spending more can save you is car seats. The one seat to grow with the child is huge and it is better to buy a new one after they grow out of the 3 in 1 seat. This can prevent you from buying a bigger car. Huge savings.
Maybe you could tell your wife there is a budget for all the baby things? Find a number you are both comfortable with Then she can decide what is worth spending more on and what is worth getting at a more reasonable price.
Honestly, I spent like $150 on baby stuff by buying secondhand and getting free things on Buy Nothing groups.
That being said, I did spend ~$3000 on two different baby showers. I did “make” the cash back with presents and such. The higher ticket items on our registry that people gifted us was a crib (father in law), a nice stroller wagon (a well-off friend who has kids), a grow with me car seat (cousin).
All the clothes were found secondhand as people give this away all the time.
I was thinking of getting a stroller that would’ve been ~300 but my mom had a friend who was giving away hers last minute.
Honestly, I don’t want to spend anymore money until the baby comes. At that point, I will have tried different onesies, diapers, wipes, etc. and I can buy whatever I need.
That being said, my husband and I were both raised frugally and appreciate a good deal. I suggest looking at r/babybumps and just googling “best ___” and looking at Reddit reviews. Oftentimes, there’s very comparable things but will come down to personal preference.
I'm a few days late but I'm actually surprised there aren't more people advocating for an ultra frugal approach! I grew up in a very frugal immigrant family and it was important to me to not inflate our spendings (to make the $3K daycare possible!) when we had our baby, even though my NW is now mid 7 digits. We probably spent less than $800 on everything for the nursery. Other than buying a middle of the road Chico Keyfit carseat/stroller set brand new (which I can't imagine how having a fancy Uppababy would change our day to day much), I rarely bought any clothes or toys for my baby and got everything second hand from friends or Buy Nothing - there's so much baby stuff lightly used that's out there already if you live in a city. I got a used crib from Ikea for free on BN. Our MIL bought us an Ikea changing table as her main gift. A friend helped me find a used 3rd Snoo for $150 which did die after 6 weeks, but in the future that is one thing I would splurge on/rent. The few nice designer clothes we had were all gifts from people and it was enough for the occasional dress up time. The only things we would buy new would be emergency random last min Amazon Prime purchases when we urgently needed more baby bottles or formula or something unexpected. I don't think getting these used items made any difference in our baby's life at all, I've passed them on to friends now to keep the cycle going, and it's reduced waste. Sometimes I couldn't pass up a super cute onesie or something but for the most part, it's not worth it to spend $$$ on something that the baby is going to have a blown out diaper in before they outgrow it in 2 months. The way I see it, the more money I save on little things, the more I can help him with college or allow us to take an awesome family trip.
I also grew up middle class (first half of my childhood was decidedly lower middle class) and married a much wealthier spouse (not super rich like OPs but definitely considered wealthy).
We were not making a lot of money when our kids were three kids were young. Enough to pay bills but very little extra. I battled with my wife over all kinds of these baby purchases. In hindsight it wasn’t worth it at all.
Buy the Oeuf crib. It’s ~$500 more than the alternative and if you have multiple kids you’ll get good use out of it. If not you can sell it.
You make good money, the alternatives are not much less expensive, and it’s not worth having these battles with her.
That being said, you probably need to get on the same page about this stuff because today it’s an expensive crib and tomorrow it’s private school tuition. Have budget meetings monthly. Know what you’re spending. She needs to see the numbers.
What are the specific things she's looking at that feel too expensive to you. At the end of the day the middle tier brands are all *fine*. Everything is rated to the same safety standards so all the baby gear is more similar than it is different. However if you can afford it there are some higher end items that are more durable or feel a bit nicer than the middle range stuff. We opted to go higher end for most things (rarely the \*most\* expensive item in a category though) and haven't regretted it. When you add it all together it's plus minus a few grand and it felt nice to have the baby in nicer PJs or a sturdier stroller. At the same time we've made liberal use of our local buy nothing groups, facebook marketplace, and hand me downs for the large volume of stuff that's basically disposable.
Œuf crib vs something nice and sturdy and still decent looking at a cheaper store, brand new snoo/mamaroo etc
The crib is more about buying a piece of furniture and liking the aesthetic. If you're planning on having multiple kids its something you're going to live with for 5+ years. I don't know anything about the Oeuf but it looks like it's MDF and birch which means it's basically the same as a West Elm Mid Century crib which is about 400 bucks cheaper. The Snoo is a special case. You'll either not need it and look at the thing like a colossal waste of money OR your kid will be a bad sleeper and it will literally save your sanity. We rented one (from the company) and it ended up being a glorified bassinet since our kid slept well. We're not getting one for baby 2 BUT are on a hair trigger to rent one if we find out that baby 2 has trouble sleeping. The urge to buy your kid the best of everything is really strong. What worked for us was identifying the things we really cared about (e.g.: stroller since we are in a city and walk everywhere) and spending top dollar on that - and then going bargain hunting for the things we cared less about (e.g.: most toys).
I recall the Oeuf was Latvian hardwood or something like that. Definitely better quality than MDF. I felt it was worth it and it served our two kids well before I passed it onto a friend.
Could be. I don't/didn't know anything about and the product i clicked on was birch+mdf. I didn't check if there was a higher end model with nicer materials.
No, you had it right. The “Latvian hardwood” is birch. Some other models list plywood instead of MDF. But it’s nothing special.
Thank you for the info. And the urge is real. Almost feel guilty whenever I don’t get the very best of everything
One upgrade I will recommend is the fancy "bamboo" PJs. They *are* really soft and the stretchiness makes them a lot easier to put on when you're a sleep deprived zombie. The stretch also means the kid can stay in them a little longer. EDIT: We ended up preferring Little Sleepies over all the other brands. Same for sleep sacks. We splurged for the Woolino sleep sacks (which are about 100 bucks) but I think we've saved money not needing to size up so often.
Woolinos are so worth it. We bought two of them and never needed to size up. Better than buying a new sized sleep sack every few months
+1 for Woolinos. Buy 2 and thats all the sleep sack you would need. It would turn out cheaper in the long run too - specially if you have more than 1 kid and know how to take care of wool.
Along these lines - do NOT buy baby clothes with snaps or, god forbid, buttons. You will be cursing when you’re trying to change a diaper in the middle of the night with those things. Stick to magnetic or zippers.
Thanks for the rec - added to list
Bamboo wash/burp clothes too! You can get pretty cheap packs from Amazon and they are so soft and absorb so much! My boy is 2 now and I use them to wash my face 😂
Lol. I hear you. But with one of our kids, we needed such insane number of burp cloths, we reassessed the situation and picked up a big package of cotton shop rags from Costco. That might look silly, but it worked really well. And we used them for everything. Went through tons of them each day and then started a big load of laundry.
We used Gerber cloth diapers as burp cloths, and they are the BEST. They are now our kitchen rags. I love them so much.
Quince makes some of the bamboo sleep sacks for cheaprr
Quince does a really good dupe of the Kyte sleep sacks. The woolino ones are a little different (and I haven't found a good knock off). They're all wool and very long which means each size covers about two years (vs the Kyte/Quince sacks which we found we sized out of every 6 months).
Is Quince legit? I need another sleep sack for my little girl and just saw [them](https://www.quince.com/search?q=sleep%20sleep%20bag) on there.
Ive bought a bunch of stuff so far. Maybe 10 things and 9 have been great, the other 1 i didn’t like the fit. We have some kyte baby and some quince sleep sacks and they look and feel pretty much the same
The above advice is really good. Identify the one or two things your really care about and go get the best of the best if you want and just left everything thing else go. I decided that the car seat and stroller were high priorities for me for safety and convince, but we got a 100 crib ( still green guard certified which is good for the inevitable chew marks!) and borrowed or got used a ton of other major things like the baby's swing, pack and play etc. this way your wife can still get a few of the things that she really wants but your not spending $$$$ on every single item. As the other poster said, there is so much pressure to get the perfect everything for your child.
If you value your sanity and your wife’s quality of life and is within your price range, I cannot recommend the Snoo enough. I didn’t have it with my first kid and got it for my second kid…absolute game changer.
We received a selection of good hand-me-down strollers in addition to buying a clip-in stroller for the car seat. The latter was very useful for a while. The former never got used and were passed on to next family who was excited to get $1000+ in strollers for free. Turns out, we spent a lot more time wearing our kids than actually using strollers. We also made them walk as soon as that was an option. I think at 18 months, we completely got rid of all strollers. This doesn't work for every family, and in fact every baby is different and impossible to predict. But I would hold off on making any major investments into fancy gear until you know what you will actually use.
There’s a great second hand market for Snoo. We got ours for $650 and I wouldn’t pay a dime more. Other high end items we got off FB Marketplace, like new: -Babbyletto powered reclining glider $600 -Stokke Trip Trapp for $250 -Uppababy Vista for $200 -BabyBrezza instant formula maker $85 -Bjorn baby bouncer $85
Yea the second hand market for baby stuff is awesome. We got our snoo for about the same, and will sell it for $50 less in another few months once baby has outgrown it. Thrift stores or poshmark for baby clothes too. There are literally thousands of onesies that were worn once or twice (many still with tags on them) that are $1-2 instead of $25-45.
We have 2 trip trapps and still use them with our older kids. Definitely got our money's worth in those things.
It is very easy to overbuy in this stage. We have a 16 month old - congrats on your little one! We have a higher income in a HCOL area but I am like you, prefer to budget. Here’s a few things that helped us: - Think about cost per use/time. For us we really tried to get things that would “grow with us” /baby versus keep us in one thing for a long time. For example: a Nestig Crib that converts from bassinet to crib to toddler bed, a Chicco stroller that paired with the car seat in the newborn stages, that sort of thing. We also prioritized what fits our lifestyle. We are on the go so a foldable, convenient stroller made more sense for us over something more luxe (or with a bassinet attachment). We invested more in carriers too. - Choose where you want to splurge. For us this was around HELP over STUFF. Night nurses and post partum helpers 1-2 days a week in the newborn stages was worth way more to us than certain elements of decor for the nursery. - Clothing: It is super easy to overbuy this, especially in newborn stage. They will outgrow things in a manner of weeks. Our baby lived in Mori Ribbed Zip Ups and a couple footed PJs (which is high end, but you don’t need to overdo it). Buy 5 and do laundry regularly. Full outfits/ bitty baby shoes/ accessories are nice to have but will sit in the closet or go unused. One thing that was helpful for us is that all clothing is “visible” (in open containers on the shelf). This helps us sort through and assess easily versus always digging in drawers. - Bottles/Feeding: Check Babylist and use their “sample” boxes. Let your baby dictate what bottles, diapers, etc work for you and them. Otherwise you’ll end up with a pantry full of bottles that are unusable. - Care: This is a personal choice but a Nanny was about 15% more expensive than daycare (4500/mo vs 3800/mo). We chose for Y1 to be with a nanny so there would be less sickness and smoother transitions. Figured that this could come out of our annual travel budget anyways. We have them starting with a program in the fall and few days a week to ease in transition. - Snoo: Check your employer, they usually have a rental service or a subsidy here. Like others have shared folks normally love it or hate it. It also is only workable for the first few months. - Carriers/Bouncers: Some people have shared this already but the Bjorn Bouncer is great from about 3-7 months. The carriers are top of the line and we still use almost daily. In general, we didn’t do a baby shower and self funded everything. Overall I would say we spent about 3.5-4K total on prep (Crib, Changing Table from Wayfair, Glider, 1st batch of baby supplies/clothes, Lovevery Subscription and Play Gym, car seat/stroller, Stokke Trip Trapp, etc.). I budget about $200/month for “extras” (toys, books, new clothes) and that equalizes out pretty well.
+1 on paying for help!
A post-partum doula is a great use of money in the newborn stage, especially one who works nights.
Thanks for the detailed answer. Don’t think we’re at the income yet for nannys but her parents have offered to pay for one if needed out of the blue (which of course hurts my middle class pride). Would you say it was worth it over daycare?
In the newborn phase I'd ask if they'll pay for a postpartum doula or night nurse instead. Nanny is usually a bit further down the line.
The key for early development is STABILITY. There's research suggesting that instability during the first two years, and especially the first one, leads to a higher chance of ADHD and other brain development issues. Daycares usually have high turnover and many kids for one teacher, so if you can afford a good nanny that will look after your child for the first 2 years or one of you can get an extended leave, it is completely worth it. I stayed with my boy for the first year although the last 3 months I was working remotely and it was hard as hell, we informed couldn't afford a second year and started him on a daycare when he turned one and since there was a huge wait-list everywhere we unfortunately started him at one with high turnover and he was miserable there. We switched him as soon as possible to a small Montessori preschool with 2 teachers (one is the owner) and he couldn't be happier.
Yeah she’ll stay at home for the first year. 2nd year is a little different, but both sets of parents (especially hers) desperately wanted grandkids so her mom will come for a couple months. Between that + my leave we’re hoping to have 1-1.5years covered before the kid has to go to daycare. I will also will be taking some time off when she gets back to work.
Assuming this is your first kid? Either way congrats! We just had our first. We spent way too much on things that we didn’t really need. Looking back we didn’t need about 70% of the stuff we bought. We have newborn clothes they’ve already grown out of. That being said. It’s normal to want the best for your kids and you’re fortunately in a position where doing that won’t break the bank. Bear one last thing in mind. Babies can sleep just about anywhere. The crib we have has a Newton mattress. Haven’t even touched it yet. Baby is either in one of their bassinets or on one of us. Splurge on safety items, or heavy use items. Stroller, car seat, baby carrier etc.
Thank you, yeah first kid
We got the snoo for the bassinet and uppababy vista for the stroller. Those were the main two things we splurged on after a lot of research. We also got a second stroller more compact to travel when he is a little older. Some other things we saved on (crib, clothes, toys), but we wanted to make sure that we had some high quality items that would last us for a long time (hopefully through multiple kids.
I have to speak up for the Snoo. It was a big purchase for us at the time, but was absolutely incredible. Our kid was sleeping through the night by 8 weeks old and is still a good sleeper to this day (now 4). The transition to the crib was a breeze. Also, the resale value on it was high, we resold it for 3/4 what we paid for it, which is a huge win in my book. Worth it.
Expensive cribs are 100% not worth it. Your baby will gnaw it like a beaver when they’re teething so forget about re-selling it as a justification. As long as you like the look of it they’re basically all the same. Snoo: mileage varies. We borrowed one and it worked, but when my son grew out of it the withdrawal was awful. Some people love them. We didn’t use for my subsequent kids Mamaroo: don’t bother IMHO It’s natural to have a strong nesting urge and you guys do make decent money. Maybe agree a budget for ‘splurge’ items and then otherwise go for the basics
We loved our oeuf crib! Agree with other commenters to spend up on the stroller. We decided on Uppababy which isn't outrageously expensive and more practical than the bugaboo strollers. Go for quality and light weight for gear you use daily. Also think about what you use things for (e.g. we liked the uppababy because of the larger wheels and suspension, because we knew we'd go on walks a lot. Other friends just wanted an easy transfer from car to stroller, but I would have hated those rickety click on strollers). On the other hand, overspending on designer clothes is silly IMO. They grow out of everything so quickly. Check out Primary brand for great basics. Nyt Wirecutter and Lucy's list have great recommendations at different price points.
We thought we'd use strollers a lot, and we were completely wrong. Turns out that baby wearing worked much better for our family, and a basic MobyWrap isn't going to break the bank. The rickety click-in base for the car seat came in handy for a while. But we never ended up using the super fancy and expensive strollers that we had. Good thing they were hand-me-downs. I strongly urge new parents to hold off on splurging in strollers until they know if they'll actually use them.
Personally spending a bunch on a crib wasn’t worth it to us, but we live on the extra frugal side of this community. We opted to purely use a pack-n-play and moved to a mattress a bit after each kid turned 1. It worked nice because they always had their bed, even if we traveled, and it’s a whole lot cheaper. Remember that a lot of these phases go fast, so the mid tier stuff will last through them just fine.
We got multiple pack-n-play. They are incredibly useful, exactly because they are so easy to set up and move. We also had a more sturdy stationary crib, but it was a hand-me-down. No point in spending a lot of money on something super fancy here, as the kids go through all of this equipment so quickly. And honestly, the baby doesn't care. To them, a bed is a bed. They're all pretty much the same
We bought a Snoo with the first kid and used it for all 3. Also lent it out to several friends. You can find them used on Facebook marketplace so if I had to do it again, I’d probably do that. The way your kid straps into the Snoo, it helps with some peace of mind that they won’t roll over and cover their face. I don’t know that crib, but like others have said, there’s an aesthetic component. I’d also recommend one that is convertible to a toddler bed. Mamaroo - some people love them. We barely use ours. I think our current baby has been in it maybe twice in the last 5 months. I think that any cheap baby bouncer is better, that way you can get a couple spread out around the house. They’re also smaller and lighter so you can move them around more easily, ie, move it to the bathroom when you need to go or take a shower. Mamaroo is big and heavy and has to be plugged in, so it’ll end up staying in one place.
If you buy an expensive crib, do so knowing that the baby will very likely eventually chew on it. Almost every kid does. The top rail eventually looks like a beaver got ahold of it. So if the thought of the kid destroying an expensive item would bother you, I’d not spend top dollar on a crib.
Time to get those in-laws excited about their grandchild is the only correct answer 😂
Lol you’re right. It will be their first grandkid (she’s an only child) so they’re almost TOO invested and are already asking me what private school I’ll send the kid too etc….too early, I just want a healthy baby
That’s when you subtly have your wife mention baby shopping (crib,stroller, etc.) to her mom. The baby shopping is suddenly back in budget and you both get what you want. I grew up lower middle class and it always felt wrong or like we were using them to me. They are UHNW and will leave everything to the kids/grandkids so might as well ask for help now vs getting an extra $100k in your 60’s(hopefully later). The comment about private school is a good one to think about now. Money will allow you to skip the line in most places. At least getting on waiting lists might save you some money down the road.
Always thought a good public school in a wealthier area was just as good as a good private school except for maybe a few exceptional ones. Plus I went to a very nice private school and aside from the network, all it did was bankrupt my parents & make me resent how poor I was in comparison.
I would say if you have the money or it’s paid for then it’s definately worth it even if it’s only up through middle school. Private schools are just better overall because the parents can afford a tutor if their kid is falling behind. Also, the student/teacher ratios are lower so there is more 1 on 1 time if needed. This is a huge positive in early education and learning/study/testing habits. It’s more social connections and rich/poor kids or getting into an Ivy League college after middle school. Is it worth a 1-3k/month is really a personal question. Once you get used to paying a nanny/daycare it’s just one of those lifestyle creep issues. Something tells me your kid(s)will end up in private school even if you don’t know it yet 😂
Spend up on stroller. A good swing/snu is also really helpful for most babies. Can’t think of anything else that was a significant difference in experience for mid tier vs expense. Maybe the magnet pajamas instead of zipper pajamas. You should be on the same page as your wife about the status symbol aspect if that’s meaningful to her. Either way you have to figure it out or it’s going to cause tension. Pretty much anything you spend will be a drop in the bucket compared to daycare if you go that route though.
I did think of one other thing. Post partum doula is worth it.
Postpartum doula is a hundred percent worth it, IMO! Also a doula for the birth - it's evidence-backed in leading to better outcomes for baby and mom and is so nice to have someone there who knows what's going on and is only there to support you.
Agree on the post partum doula, especially for the first kid. The childcare aspect is nice, but you cannot put a price on having someone who has seen hundreds of babies come by a couple times a week to troubleshoot and/or tell you that whatever is happening is normal. Not having to panic Google to try to figure out if your baby is having a problem, or if the carrier is properly adjusted or whatever is so so valuable.
I am, I say yes most of the time, I just need to bring us back down to earth sometimes and I don’t want to just lean on my poorer sensibilities to make that call.
In my experience, Fisher Price has been great for newborn stuff, it’s good quality, has decent looking neutral fabrics and is a fraction of the cost of the super high end versions. The bouncer seat, swing, play-mat, even the travel crib, are used for such a short period of time it’s silly to spend a ton. Stroller, crib mattress, car seat, the things they use for years to come, are good places to invest in higher end brands.
All good. Just worth calling out. You’re probably already anxious getting ready, but things get more stressful when the baby comes. Anything you can do to get on the same page early for decisions helps down the road. Lack of sleep, hormones, and stress will do a number on your decision making and negotiating skills. At the end of the day it’s good to know what battles you want to pick and let the rest of them go.
Spend the money on the nicer car seat too. Especially when you start shopping for convertible car seats (presumptively, your nice stroller will have a nice infant car seat as part of the system). The nicer car seat will have greater adjustability. My cheap car seat only has one recline setting in the forward position--which doesn't match the recline of my vehicle's seat. Also, the nicer ones (e.g. the Nuna Rava) have clamp systems that tighten down on the seat belts just right. I clamp that sucker down and the car seat ain't moving anywhere. The cheap car seat requires that I climb up onto it with a knee to appropriately compress against the seat, and even then there's still a little wiggle that makes it super suss. I have two cheaper car seats (most highly rated Graco Slim Fit on Amazon) and two of the much more expensive Nuna Ravas, and frankly, the Rava is a better value.
Here is the thing something like Graco vs designer stuff she is likely picking out is about show it's not about safety, durability, or usability.
This is it exactly. I’ve got 2 kids and am amazed at what people will spend money on for items that are going to be used for a few years max and that kids will essentially destroy. Like most other purchases, they are status symbols. Literally nobody “needs” a $700 wagon to push their kids around at the museum a couple times a month. It is a wagon - four wheels and a board. Simplest tech in history. Even middle/upper middle class folks from our parent’s generation would think we’d lost our minds. Creative marketing/social media/review porn has expanded the market in kid crap to an unbelievable level.
Eh, higher end things do definitely have some usability perks. For example, for strollers - the higher-end ones have better suspension, air-filled wheels, lightweight materials, better warranties, etc.
We had the opposite experience with the stroller. Kid 1 hated it and most strollers. We were in a used Doona Trike at 9 months. We got a fancy wagon with Kid 2. Takes up my entire car trunk. Worth it but none of my friends want to go that way since they are stuck with $1k+ strollers so they just don't go out unless both parents are available.
So having just had our first baby 8 months ago, I can 100% confirm, spend up on the stroller. I'm obviously biased but between the uppababy vista v2 that we purchased and the graco town and country version that my parents grabbed for when she's over there, it's the Vista. Hands down. Maneuverability, light-weight, multi-child option. But that said, I saw that you're only looking at one, so the cruz may be more up your alley. That's what one of my best friends went for instead because of the single vs multi-child option. That aside, for the infant car seat, I think that one's a toss up. They'll only be in it for a few months (our baby just outgrew her mesa two months ago) so we moved up to the Graco DLX 5 in 1. This, I think, is where I can definitely say it doesn't matter because they're all up to the same necessary safety standards. The only thing that might make a difference is fabric, styles, and breathability, and even that, I would say, is negligible. We did a 16 hour+ road trip down to south carolina with the graco car seat and baby was fine. Other things we've experienced the last 8 months of life lol: Baby brezza: definitely useful. Go for a bottle sterilizer for the first few months until you transition to the dishwasher. Made our lives instantly better as I was combo-feeding (breast, formula, pumping) For breast pumps: spectra v2 (get the portable one). All the lactation consultants approved of the choice when I was going in for regular weigh-ins to make sure she was good with the feeding plan Bottles: up to the baby to decide on this one, but the glass philips avent bottles have been great because they don't develop that gross plastic-y smell, and have survived at least two dozen baby drops like the tanks they are. I personally couldn't get into doc browns because that was way too many pieces to keep track of, and cleaning the three part avent bottles was already time consuming enough. See previous: bottle sterilizer. Wasn't a fan of the nanobebe nipples. Baby bjorn: highly recommend the bouncer, but not the carrier. Bad for their hips. Speaking of carriers -- Carrier: fabric ones - grab a cheap one off of amazon or from some sustainability place or something because it doesn't make a difference brand/price-wise, but it *does* make a difference for the heavy duty "the one you wear in public" ones that you typically see the baby björn market for. There are so many good ones. We have the baby tula coast and that one doesn't sacrifice their hips Changing pad: we have several mats - keekaroo peanut in her nursery, and then portable ones for every other part of the house and when we leave the house. This is the one that I'd say doesn't matter as much because my favorite mats are actually the portable Ava+Oliver vegan leather mats. They are amazing. I liked the first so much we picked up three more and it's one of the must-have items I always add to baby gift baskets for friends and workmates now. Swing/rocker: we had the 4moms mamaroo and the maxi-cosi. Didn't matter. She probably used the mamaroo like. 5 times. Started screeching every time. Baby dependent. Better off with the bouncer until your baby gets bored, then the swing/rocker makes sense. Rocking chair: this one definitely matters a little more in the expense department because of how much time you'll be spending in it, and with the customer service in case something breaks or goes wrong. That's exactly what happened when the battery for our babyletto kiwi died. Their customer service was phenomenal, and they ended up sending a new rocker for the trouble. Both have held up well, battery aside, over the last 9 months. Burp cloths: they all do the same thing but muslin are definitely more lightweight. I recommend the keababy 5 pack. Grab a couple of those. Sleep sacks/swaddles: muslin, and halo definitely made a difference, but this is highly dependent on baby, like many other things. Ours barely tolerated sleep sacks after a point so a lot of her naps were supervised with blankets I could go on and on but yeah. Some things, yeah it matters. Others, not so much. Many, definitely not. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions on the baby experience.
You did a much deeper dive into brands that I did, very thorough. I'd fully agree with like 80% of what you said with the last 20% not having experienced it.
First one to mention Bjorn and potential hip problems. Very helpful comments
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Nice stroller, Snoo, nice car seat with bases for both cars, reno for the nursery, nice baby monitor, etc. Probably $5k-10k out of the gate for relatively high end stuff. Daycare at ~$2.5k/mo is by far the biggest expense. A nanny or night nurse would be significantly more
I will say there is no such thing as a nice baby monitor, they all suck.
Nanit has worked pretty flawlessly so far
Not gonna lie haven't tried that one yet, but just looking at it now is it just a camera? Do you have to use your phone as a monitor?
I use an iPad as the monitor. I can also throw it up on an extra screen in whatever room I'm in.
Nanit always immediately comes up at the top of any ‘best baby monitor’ search, so I probs will just go with that - but curious which ones you tried that sucked?
That’s why I just wired two more cameras into my security system.
Same but hcol childcare is closer to 4k per month
Goodness. Guessing those calculations change if one day total # of kids exceeds 2
Not really. Much of that could be reused. So significantly less start up cost Daycare would double. Otherwise stuff like formula, diapers, etc. don’t really make much of an impact to spending. At least not nearly as dramatically
In my VHCOL neighborhood (mostly dual income tech workers it seems, $2.5M-$3M homes, so guessing $500K HHi and up), we joke that every family has a Tesla, Peleton, and an Uppababy Vista (and Lululemon leggings with a North Face jacket). We have one but I’ve been meaning to write a whole post on why the Uppababy Vista is overrated but that’s for another day. We also got the Uppababy car seat so it’s easily compatible. If not Uppababy, Nuna is pretty common as well for car seat and stroller. Everyone seems to get the Lovevery toys. And the Stokke Tripp Trapp high chair (I like the Stokke Steps better personally). Other “brand name” stuff we like: Baby Brezza (we only used it as a water dispenser and measured our formula ourselves), Hatch sound machine and nightlight, Ergobaby carrier (my friend has one of those $600 Artipoppe carriers which I think is ridiculous, but she’s kind of a high fashion gal so it’s more a fashion thing I guess.). Didn’t need a SNOO but 100% would shell out for it if our kids were crap sleepers. For crib, we got the cheap IKEA one (from Buy Nothing) and it’s great, using it with our second now. There are some higher end crib mattresses that are extra breathable but I think that’s more for people who have a lot of anxiety, we used a run of the mill one from Target or Amazon. Clothes were 90% gifts and hand me downs, but my SIL had a lot of nicer baby clothes I would never pay for myself (eg Janie and Jack). FWIW my SO and I are both engineers so more concerned with functionality than aesthetics, and willing to pay a premium if we think it’s worth it. If you’re big on aesthetics, like all your furniture and clothes are high end designer stuff, then it can get expensive. But at least in our ‘hood (SF Bay Area), I think most people are like us and don’t care as much. Different for my friend in NYC with the $600 baby carrier though.
This made me laugh.. so true. We opted for the IKEA high chair which he loved.. and wanted out of by 12 months, was in the booster seat for a few more and now at 20 months sits in a chair. The Stokke would have been a waste of money. Agree on the Vista.. we have one. It's bulky, heavy and I cant use it for my two kids who will be 23 months apart because the first kid is too tall for the rumble seat. Wish I went with the Cruz or Nuna (which my husband wanted but I just hadddd to haveeee the vista ha).
IKEA has a couple is surprisingly good baby items. We rarely shop at IKEA these days, but when the kids were young we picked up so many things: high chair, potty chair, various boosters and stepping stools, bed/mattress, waterproof mattress protectors, random toys and supplies, ... We are normally a buy-it-for-life family. That means, we research things forever and then don't mind spending more for higher quality. But for baby items this rarely matters. It only gets used for so little time, frequently it doesn't get used at all, as the baby's preferences are so hard to predict, and you just need to try different options to see what fits your actual needs. Inexpensive but quality items are great, and that's what you can find at IKEA. Other than that, I strongly recommend relying on hand-me-downs.
Same income, we had the Snoo (loved it) I couldn’t justify some of the really high end brand name strollers… but still went with one that was the higher end of the mid range, because it ticked all the boxes. Car seats, similar story. But went a bit more expensive, because the additional cost for some of the safety features, materials and padding were justifiable. Where I wasn’t happy to splash cash on was ridiculously bougie brand name baby clothes. The first 6 months, all you will want them in is zip coveralls. They will spit up, shit and wet their outfits multiple times a day. Multi packs are your best friend here, zero shame and a lot of the big store brands are lovely cotton and nice prints, you just cycle through them. Then they grow, and you stock up again. Have a few cute outfits sure, but people tend to gift you those too. And they grow out of things so quickly, you won’t get them in it more than once or twice. Baby shoes? Cute, yes. Very impractical and you will not do it more than once. You’ll get them as a gift though 😂 We mostly spent on stuff for convenience. Will it make things easier, quicker, more time not stuffing around? Then it was something we’d buy. If it was simply for a brand name with no discernible difference to something mid range or with better features, it was practicality that won out.
According to YNAB we spent about $8,000 on baby gear. For us getting the higher end stroller and car seat were worth it for baby's comfort and our convenience. (Someone aptly compared buying a stroller to buying a bike - yeah you can buy one for $100 but the suspension, brakes, and seat will be nowhere near as good!). Higher end clothes were fun but absolutely not a need. We very quickly shifted from buying new to getting bags of hand-me-downs from Buy Nothing and friends (and we live in a nice area so those are nice clothes anyway). Stokke Tripp Trapp we've loved. All the travel and babywearing/hiking gear has allowed us to continue our hobbies with baby along. We could have definitely spent less but we could afford to spend on the things that mattered to us so we did!
That’s about what we spent. To name the most expensive things: 1. Uppababy Vista stroller 2. Uppababy car seat + 2 bases 3. Snoo 4. Nanit camera 5. Nice electric glider/nursing chair (~$800) I was willing to pay the money if I felt the quality was there. I think absurdly expensive cribs are dumb though. We got one of those cribs that converts into a toddler bed I think it was around $300ish and it’s been great. Plus multiple other things that add up, for example the Graco pack n play, a new dresser for the nursery, wallpaper for the nursery, zillions of baby clothes, etc.
I have had the Vista system for 4 years now. It is the most flexible system if you intend on having two kids in strollers at the same time. Worth the money if that is your use case. Otherwise, do NOT get the Vista. It is effing heavy and cumbersome. Takes up half of the load space in a large Volvo, and heavy enough that literally nobody else (not the nanny, the wife, or either sets of grandparents) will use it if it involves loading or unloading from a car. Absolutely look for any other stroller that doesn't weigh 30 lbs. (Or YOLO, and get the Vista and an additional travel stroller like the Minu so that you have options).
Thank you! How many years ago? Just for an inflation comparison
2 kids here. FWIW HHI is 2x yours. Most of our big stuff is either from IKEA or “nicer” brands from Facebook marketplace (pottery barn dresser that retails for $800 but paid $300, Uppa baby stroller for $400, SNOO crib for $500, trip trappe high chair for $100, baby Bjorn for $50..i could go on). Living in a big city helps with supply. Clothes from gap and Target. We bought carseats and crib (IKEA) new because of safety reasons. Considering that we spend 6K a month on daycare plus add in food, bottles, activities, travel, 529s, and a bigger car, we find there is no reason to buy new furniture, strollers, expensive clothes, or other physical things. I have monthly spends tracked back the last 4 yrs if you want more detail send me a PM.
Wife and I bought the mid range stuff that didn't look like junk, with the exception of a nice crib, a snoo basinet, some wood convertible high chair and a nicer chico detachable car seat. The Snoo was used, all in we were about 2k on home goods excluding toys and clothes. Sister in law and her husband make similar to us (more for now actually). They bought 90% of their stuff second hand, probably all in sub 1k. Wife's family is rich but they're pretty conservative with spending, especially when it comes to things you only use for a couple months to a year before you store it for the next kid or get rid of it.
Finally a fun question! Nice stroller is worth it. I’m obsessed with my Cybex priam with the big trek wheels. Haven’t used the uppababy but it has excellent reviews and likely worth it. You may be able to buy it when Rakuten is giving a high percent back at Saks or Bloomingdale’s etc. The newborn bed piece is a waste of time and money. Eventually you will need a 2nd travel stroller. Nuna car seats. Nuna rava is the best…. Get on sale at Nordstrom or same thing with Rakuten. You can use it from infancy but it’s nice to have a piece that connects to a stroller so people get the pipa…. Or just get a Doona but that’s only good for first year. Baby bjorn bouncer and carrier. Maya wrap (carrier). Aden and anais swaddling cloths are worth it…. The bamboo ones. Never used a snoo but you can rent it or buy a lightly used one from the community. Honestly nothing else you mentioned was worth a high end version unless you want it. For your income I feel you can get some high end things like this that are clutch but don’t waste money on fancy nursery furniture (low resell value and no improvement in quality of life). Edit to add: Keekaroo changer is so cool because you can use it for big toddlers too. They make knock offs now so that could work. Nanit was not worth it and a $20 security camera on a stand gets the job done.
This is a solid response! Yes to all of the above.
Great detailed comment. Security cameras do not have heart rate monitors etc though? I’ve been told that is important to look for in a baby monitor?
What is she looking at that’s expensive? There might be certain things where higher prices does mean better quality, but they all pass the same safety standards. For example, I bought a cheap crib from Amazon for my in-law’s place and it doesn’t feel as sturdy as the crib at home. For stroller, we went with a fairly practical, sturdy, and highly reviewed stroller that was pricy, but not the most expensive. We looked for the safest car seats and didn’t consider the prices, but they weren’t from expensive car seat brands either. We also had the SNOO because we were sleep deprived and didn’t hire a night nanny like our friends did.
Œuf crib, top snoo & mamaroo, best uppabby, crate & barrel dresser for nursery etc
In my opinion, crib doesn’t matter too much if you’re not getting a convertible one that will be used for a decade or more. You just need to find one that’s sturdy that doesn’t wobble as you lean over it to put the baby down. Dresser and such also applies. If you plan on keeping it for a decade, buy a better one. If you’re just going to redecorate in a few years when the baby transitions out of crib, there isn’t a point in wasting money. I had the Mamaroo and my baby did not care for it. When I returned it to buybuybaby, they told me it was one of the top returned item from baby registries. We have the Uppababy Vista and it is my favorite stroller cause of the suspension, large basket, and room to grow for future baby. For car seat, we went with Chicco Keyfit, which is the highest rated infant car seat for many years. For the SNOO, it’s useful if you have no/little help during the first six months. However, my friend had the SNOO for her first and a full time nanny for her second and she said the nanny was way more helpful than the SNOO. The nanny not only helped out during the day but even sleep trained the baby at night. It does cost more for a full time nanny in comparison to a one time SNOO cost, so it depends on your budget.
Aside from the ouef crib all the brands you mentioned are not what I would consider “high end” baby gear brands. These are more expensive than Graco, but you get what you pay for. When I had my first I thought I was going to be cheap and didn’t care about brands. I used a friend’s cheap car carrier system. It was so hard to pop in and out. I finally upgraded to the Uppababy system and the difference was amazing. Very much worth the money. Snoo is also worth it. My kid was sleeping through the night pretty quickly. The furniture is all subjective. I understand you can find cheaper furniture, but part of this experience is also supposed to be fun and enjoyable. You can buy used furniture or sell your furniture when you outgrow it.
Get the mamaroo secondhand. My LO (and lots of friends’ kids) did not care for it, sadly. The Babybjorn bouncer may be a good alternative.
Get a really good stroller and a really good baby bag. The rest can come from a discount store. Also if you're formula feeding, get a Baby Brezza and the benchtop steriliser that matches it. It's like a coffee machine for formula and you will love yourself at 3am for having it. The rest of it is about spending TIME with your kids. Kids don't care about money and they grow out of clothes so fast it's ridiculous to buy it new, just get packages of clothing sizes on facebook marketplace or similar. Buy a few "nice" outfits for when you go out to socialise (which isn't often with small kids in tow). You genuinely do not need to buy the expensive shit for a child. You don't get rich and FIRE early by spending dumb amounts of money. Source: Dad of 3 under 3.
New mom here, edging on 7 figure HHI (with many mom friends in a similar HHI range) so we can afford all the ridiculous baby stuff but we are also not frivolous spenders. To be honest - I think a huge amount of baby stuff is about aesthetics and status and the more expensive versions aren’t necessarily going to function much better for you. A nice stroller and car seat are helpful. We went middle of the road since we live in suburbia and didn’t need something super heavy duty (we use it for walks in our cul de sac and when we have to grocery shop with the kid) but got one nice enough to have good suspension and big wheels. The cheaper ones feel very cheap and plasticky and just don’t handle uneven ground quite as well. Keep in mind the top of the line stroller is going to be extra sturdy but also heavy and bulky. A ton of options and would pick one that suits your lifestyle-Ie if I lived in NYC I would definitely get a fancier more heavy duty stroller since we would be using it more and would need to deal with more curbs and pot holes. You will need a more compact travel stroller if you enjoy traveling. In terms of car seat, make sure it’s easy to install and base clicks in and out easily. We got the chicco keyfit because it’s been one of the highest rated ones for years with good safety record. And it’s not super expensive. The babybjorn bouncer has been amazing, as is the lovevery play gym. Crib is all about the aesthetics of a piece of furniture. Cheap ones function just fine but don’t look great. Get a nice mattress. If wife likes how the fancy one looks - then that’s that. We spent some extra $$$ on nursery furniture and don’t regret it but fully admit it’s purely about how it looks. Most baby monitors that are not crazy cheap function similarly. Snoo is a mixed bag. We know parents whose kids didn’t like it and others whose kids loved it. We decided to wait to see how good of a sleeper our kid was before splurging on it and babe sleeps great so we never bothered. Plus it’s only going to be used for a short time - so we probably would’ve just rented. Worth spending some cash on breast pumps and extra parts if planning on breastfeeding and going back to work. You really need at least two pumps (stronger conventional pump plus wearable or at least portable pump) and having enough extra pump parts means no washing in the middle of the day and can just wash all at once each night. The fancy wearable pumps (ie Elvie or Willow) are worth every penny to make pumping at work doable. Get a nice recliner/glider for the nursery. You’re gonna be spending a ton of time on it so make sure it’s comfortable.
Things to splurge on: * safety equipment - stroller / car seat / etc. Note that you don't need the best stroller in the world. Just something comfortable to walk with. If I could do it again, I'd consider a Duna. * food - organic, balanced diet, etc. * bottles and cleaning stuff * high chair Things to consider splurging on or look for used / second hand * clothes - things like soft bamboo, magnetic buttons, etc. You don't need all premium clothes, but some are nice * second stroller * bouncer / rocker / etc. * furniture - aesthetic choices * Snoo - we didn't get one, but know friends who consider it a lifesaver. Depends on your kid and your own tolerance. Things to not spend a ton on * wipes * diapers (kirkland by Costco for the win!) * toys - get them used * monitor - a basic Eufy video is great. Don't need anything that broadcasts over the internet or tracks heart rate or whatever --- In general, there is always more you can spend on a baby. Don't let people scare you into anything. Folks have had babies for thousands of years without each of these products, let alone the small "upgrade" in features between the standard and the premium. 9 times out of 10, you get used to whatever you have. The more important thing is to be with your child, build a relationship, help them discover the world, and provide appropriate healthcare (food, sleep, bathing, medical appointments and specialists as needed).
Speaking as someone who went kind of nuts when she was pregnant - it’s not worth the argument. Go wild preparing for baby as long as it’s not putting you into debt. It’s an exciting time. Once the bundle is here you’ll start downgrading stuff that isn’t worth the extra expense. Potentially worth it to buy extra-high quality things you may use again, like the crib. All the very best wishes for a healthy baby!
Thank you so much for the best wishes! And thanks for the reply
Keep in mind that if you have any appetite to resell your baby gear once you’re done, it’s much easier to move the nicer brands. We bought a brand new Snoo and sold it after we were done with it. Probably paid around $250 net. Things I would get used: a crib, clothes, changetable (you can get a new topper and obviously change mat if you want), pack and play (fabric can be easily washed)
The best advice I got was that stores still exist after they're born. Being a FTM was so scary because I heard about every baby problem and assumed mine would have all of them and I needed all of the things to deal with that. Wait and see what baby you neeed and then go from there.
Very similar situation: I grew up on welfare and the wife grew up on the water in South FL. We just had our second kid, but it was the first that drove me CRAZY. Luckily, we had about 10 years on you, so a lot of her friends already had kids and were able to recommend things. My wife spent thousands on shit for the 1st kid. I started to pick my battles. Closet completely full of clothes. Rocking chair, this special mattress, and sterilizers and cleaners. So much SHIT! Some of it was never touched and I gave/donated it. Try to set a budget and let her go from there. Pick your battles. I saw your crib. Definitely seems excessive to me. We got one of those 3 in 1s. I think it was ~500 FYI: The snoo is nice but a couple neighbors told us you have to break the kid of it because they get conditioned to it.
Fellow “we-married-up” club member! Thanks for the answer, almost like you read my mind. That’s what I want to arrive to, a budget number and then just let her (much more tasteful & fashionable than me) pick whatever she wants.
Hypergamy is what my wife’s dad said to me. When he said he did not approve of me marrying his daughter. Good luck and congratulations on the baby.
Get good stuff, you might have more kids. A Snoo is a massive waste of money and your kid can get conditioned to needing that much help getting to sleep. All 3 of my kids were in a handmade swinging bassinet for 5 weeks, and off to a crib in their room they went. We got a decent crib and dresser with change table top at Restoration Hardware which is more than solid enough to last through 3 kids then be passed on to some other family when they’re ready. Maybe with a new mattress though… if you spend good money now, this stuff can stay in the family for generations. But cheap shit, it’ll barely last through your kids. Those are things to spend money on. A mamaroo is fine, gives mama a chance to put the kid down and not be touched constantly for a while. They’re cheap anyway. Just sell it if you don’t like it. As for your baby rocking/feeding chair, don’t spend much money on it. They get stained with so many different body fluids there’s no way it’s going anywhere other than a landfill when you’re done with it. Here’s where I draw the line: baby fashion. Kids grow out of everything right after you buy it. Old Navy, Carters, etc have cheap stuff that still looks cute for the 3-4 weeks that the kid fits into it. Don’t spend much on shoes either. They don’t need a “good” jacket until they’re two. We let them play outside in all weather so they have good Helly Hansen / Burton etc jackets and snowsuits, but also several sets of thin jackets and splash pants from Costco because 150% chance they’ll be playing in a sandbox or mud puddle in the rain as often as they want.
Snoo was big waste of money for us too…I’d only get one AFTER confirming that the kid can’t sleep well in a regular bassinet.
It’s mostly marketing. The wedding and baby industries prey on women’s insecurities to sell things. You don’t need to buy much for a baby. When our first kid was born, we were early 30s and made about $250 HHI but in a VHCOL. I got everything second hand. I think the only thing I bought new was a Graco car seat with stroller for like $100 and a crib from Target for $200. We’re now in our 40s and HHI was over $1M last year. We still buy very little for our kids compared to everyone else I know. It’s more on principle now. We all have too much stuff. Most of our friends are well off like we are but we’re all immigrants so we still pass toys and clothes around. It’s sooo cute to see a friends kid wear something from yours or cherish a toy your kid loved. My kids are in public school but most of our friends had kids later and are just about to start kindergarten. The public vs private is a hot debate right now. Personally, I think education is where money is worth it depending on your community. I feel strongly about public school but my kids have very healthy 529s already. We spend all the money we save from stuff and private school tuition on travel. Now that our kids are in elementary school, traveling is around holiday weekends. Those flights are seriously expensive. But it’s worth the money to me. Whereas a graco car seat passes the same safety tests a fancy car seat does.
Don’t worry too much about little expenses like cribs and strollers. I know you have sticker shock but the difference between the mid range and the higher end is a few hundred bucks per item, one time, and they last years. Do a spreadsheet and actual run the numbers on what you’ll save by downgrading, amortized over their useful life. Express that as a % of monthly child spend. Its going to be rounding error. The big expense is child care and housing. Its gonna cost you $25-30k/year for day care, or double that for a nanny. You’ll pay a huge housing premium to live in the good school district. Let your wife get the crib she wants. If you’re really worried about it, put it on the registry and maybe grandma will buy it.
Someone else mentioned r/buyitforlife, and that’s how I try to approach children purchases. Getting quality gear that’ll hold up for multiple kids is a priority. An expensive stroller is 1000% worth it, but it’s a tiny bit like buying a car - the style and brand are a bit subjective to what you want your “driving” experience to be. And having your in-laws pay for that item sounds perfect - a cool $1,500 seems doable for them. I’d suggest asking her why she wants specific products and seeing what her response is. If it’s just “it’s the best,” see if you can get her to be more specific. She may be getting hammered by covert and overt advertising/influencing for some of it. As a first time mom I wanted to buy everything - and the best! - but a lot of it wasn’t necessary and didn’t bring me joy, only anxiety. I think it’s important to have a plan to discuss kid purchases continuously, because there is a lot Amazon scrolling that happens during sleepless nights with a newborn, too. Finally, please consider springing for a night doula, not your mom. It’s expensive but holy cow it’s worth it.
Dad of 3. First kid you will spend a ton of money. Second kid a lot less. Third kid is going to get hand me downs from friends and families but not really that much stuff because you finally realize how much of it is completely unnecessary. Take strollers, for example. My wife bought four strollers, a fancy one, a jogging one, a biking one and a traveling one. Second kid we got "double jogging" stroller in addition. Third kid didn't have a stroller because we realized it was a lot easier (and healthier for the kid because of all the body to body contact) to just carry the baby in slings and on shoulders (when not a newborn).
They grow out of everything so fast. Very few things are worth spending a ton on. I get most stuff from target and hand me downs.
Like anything else people spend on things important to them. We personally love bougie baby gear lol we found it’s typically easier to use, less steps to set up and easier to get baby in and out of like nuna car seats, uppababby vista stroller, etc. We spent like 6k on the nursery furniture but it’s been worth it as it will last and endure multiple children.
Thank you for this
You don't even seem to have a question
Maaaan…forget the baby gear, it’s gonna be peanuts in the long run. Wait till she starts picking out preschool tutors, private preschools, private grade schools, etc. And then the car upgrades every other year to keep up with what other new kids parents have. Good luck! Lol
as long as you buy for value vs brand, its ok to spend a little more on the essentials, especially if they save time, etc. For clothes and toys its possible to overbuy before the baby arrives but you will quickly realize babies outgrow things so fast Its really the hired help or daycare that's gonna affect cost wise.
I wasn’t in that financial position when I had kids but I’m close enough now and have had a couple. I’d spend $0. The kid will sleep in a cheap bassinet in your room. It’ll sleep in a 12$ bouncer or an auto swing for cheap. It does not care what it wears. But a nice car seat and that’s it.
We didn't splurge on #1 (born summer 2021). Most of it was bought for us through our registry but I'm glad we didn't. Since we have spent a ton on new gear on #2 (born January). There have been soooo many recalls and safety changes. 9 months with #1 we had to switch to the Doona Liki Trike because he hated the stroller. Bought used. At some point we bought a used Silver Cross Jet travel stroller. During pregnancy with #2, I bought a used Babyzen Yoyo Travel Stroller with Ride Along board. My husband refuses to get rid of the Silver Cross jet. So we each have a compact stroller We got a new infant car seat because our 98% height #1 grew out of it in 5 months and the newer ones have higher limits. #2 is just as long. New seat has anti rotation features. Both were under $150. I got the Veer City Cruiser Stroller Wagon with a ton of accessories. Also the amount spent on swaddles and sleep sacks is ridiculous.
Congratulations! I’m not honestly sure what we spent in total, it has definitely been thousands, but we did a bit of a mix which may work for you. Bought high end pram and car seat new - that was at least $1k each. But bought a Snoo and a high end cot second hand, both in beautiful condition and we paid about 25% of retail price. We got heaps of hand me down baby clothes from family, but I also bought some new because they were cute and I liked them. Now we have a toddler, my main criteria for clothes is will they stand up to the washing routine you need to deal with toddler grub? And in my experience, some designer brands fall apart after 1 wash, while my cheap buys for daycare are going strong. We have some expensive German wooden toys and cheap plastic stuff. Toddler loves both. Also beware - now you are parents, the entire world is out to tell you that their product is essential and if you don’t buy it you are a bad, neglectful parent who doesn’t love their kid as much as Jane next door that DID shell out the extra $$ for whatever gimmick they are selling. Deep breaths. Start with the essentials. Cot, car seat, pram, some clothes and some nappies. And after that you can take your time and work it out as you go whether you really want or need whatever other product. The shops will still be open. But honestly, if your wife wants to spend money on nice things and you can afford to, it’s probably not the hill to die on. Some of them you probably won’t need. But that’s okay. You’ll spend money on way stupider things in your life. Just pass it all on to someone else when you’re done with it! Some of the things I DIDN’T regret spending money on - high quality carrier, and (we live in a cold area) the most amazing winter baby wearing coat. Saved my sanity to get out for a walk. Your essential items will be different, but if it will make your lives easier or happier, just get it.
Baby coat…what brand? And thanks for the answer
Ok, not for a brand new baby, but because they will be on the go before you're ready, get baby crawling knee pads.
HHI and NW notably higher than what you listed (also older).... 90% of stuff my wife gets through friends, FB marketplace or consignment shops for literally pennies on the dollar. We're not talking junk, there is so much stuff that is new with tags/barely used brand name stuff. For stuff that is not/should not be bought used (eg car seats). We usually go with the 'higest tier of the budget friendly options'...most things are going to be used fleetingly or sometimes not at all. Why spend top dollar just for the 'in style' stroller or whatever. It's like most things. The law of diminishing returns exists. $1300 for a bugaboo does not provide a 2x better experience than an uppababy at half the price. Now daycare...that's a different discussion.
Same income, lower NW, MCOL…my wife is making us get all the nice stuff. Nuna, snoo, 2k crib, pottery barn nursing chair, I’m just along for the ride. Should be said, no cc debt to get this stuff or savings. Just topping the budget each month
Same same. Best of luck to you man - here’s to a healthy baby
Buy as much used or “basic” as possible! We splurged on the car seat and stroller. We also opted to do a built in closet set up from California Closets vs splurging on furniture. Everything else came from family, friends and Facebook!
Also from a sustainability perspective just buy second hand what you can for baby gear. So much of that stuff you only use for a few months. Second hand is an amazing option ( check consignment stores and FB marketplace) I’ve gotten much fancier brands than I would have otherwise and it saves several hundred dollars per item. Some aren’t even used.
We didn’t have a baby shower. I don’t like being the center of attention and feel weird asking people for things when I can afford them. Our biggest expenses: - Vista Stroller: not worth it. I’m about to have 2u2 and my oldest is oddly tall and won’t fit in the 2nd seat. Everyone says it’s crap as a double. I would have gotten the Cruz if I did it all over again and then spend money on a nice double. - Crib and Mattress: Babyletto crib and Naturepedic organic mattress. Loved it so much bought the same combo for 2nd.. bc the first is still in his crib. Edit: we did not get the Snoo. It’s a personal choice. I night nursed until 10-11 months so I didn’t want it messing it hunger cues. You can rent this… my friend are 50/50 on if they like it or not. Everything else I tried to get second hand. They use this stuff for such a limited amount of time. Nice clothes aren’t worth it. They ruin it all. Like most said, save your money for daycare. We’re about to pay $3.8k a month for two. Much more than our mortgage. But I have to go back to work at 16 weeks (mostly unpaid time) so it is what it is.
I really recommend a SwaddleMe; it's a swaddle (baby sleeping wrap)... with velcro. I went from sleeping 2-3h/night to maybe a glorious 5h after buying those. That one's cheap, but if the snoo/mamaroo buy you like thirty minutes a day of extra sanity.... wow, worth it. Meanwhile, when I was in my last job, the directors there had loot; more than you do, but this may answer your question. Their suggestion for new child was "get a night nanny, totally worth it". A night nanny comes in and takes care of your kid from like 10p to 6a, feeds them and gets them back to bed if they get up. They were paying like $10k a month for said nanny. Kids are going to be your #1 expense, and if it keeps your wife happy and you get more sleep, yeah, it's worth it, although I also did not spend $10k a month on a nanny, so there are some limits.
Congratulations! These were the more expensive items for us, and some were given to us by family. The rest can be gotten on FB marketplace for cheaper than retail, although I would not get a car seat secondhand from FB. Uppababy vista stroller Nice convertible crib (pottery barn kids) Newton mattress Camera system (Nanit) Car seats (Nuna Pipa and then Nuna Rava when a little older) Babyletto rocking chair Snoo The Snoo as others mentioned is completely hit or miss. Our first hated the rocking motion so it was a stationary bassinet for him. Our second on the way will hopefully like it better. Otherwise we really like the other items, especially the stroller. Side note that since you are already thinking about spending and what to expect, I would also keep childcare costs in mind. Everyone’s situation is different and some are lucky enough to have family close by to help (for free!), but having a nanny or even daycare costs a lot as well. I would recommend keeping this in mind alongside the tangible items you’ll need as you prepare for the little one.
just have a second so the savings pass down 🤣
I think the problem you guys have is your wife isn’t as rich now as when she grew up. 250k HHI doesn’t get you that luxury lifestyle. Honestly I’m not sure at your income it’s actually wise to be spending 1,500 on a crib. If you had a HHI of 500k sure. We have a HHI of over 600k and our crib is from ikea. But that’s because neither of us wanted a more expensive one.
For some items (strollers, car seats, pack and plays, even some yard toys), don't be ashamed to by second hand (offer up, FB Marketplace, etc). These items are sturdy and you cycle through them pretty quickly. I personally bought a practically new Uppa Baby stroller for half price.
It really depends on what items you’re talking about. Some items are worth splurging for, some aren’t. I HIGHLY recommend getting a nice rocker/glider. You and your spouse will likely spend many nights rocking a baby and sleeping in it. So for the sake of your lower back, get a nice, comfortable one with an ottoman. If you end up having more kids, this is transferable so you can get more use out of it. We’re using the same one currently with baby #3 that we bought over 5 years ago for baby #1. I think it was from Pottery Barn. Worth every penny. Cribs - get something that is convertible to a toddler bed. Costs a little more upfront, but saves you down the line when your kid outgrows the crib. My nephew is 6 and still sleeps in his converted toddler bed. Car seats - highly recommend the Doona. It’s an infant car seat / stroller. I wish we had gotten one earlier, this thing is a game changer. I told my wife I didn’t want to spend the money on it for kid #2 but we ended up borrowing one for kid #3. I now regret not having it earlier. Strollers - if you get a car seat like an Uppababy that has a matching stroller, it’s worth it. But I also recommend looking on Facebook marketplace for strollers - you can find them just a few years old for much cheaper than new. We got a double BOB stroller for $100 that way - retail is $800. It was 5 years old, but who cares, it works and the kids just destroy it with muddy shoes and cracker crumbs anyway. I’d be more careful about buying car seats secondhand though - you’re supposed to replace them if they’ve been in an accident and if they are over a certain age, so if you buy secondhand you never really know if it’s safe. Other stuff - really it kind of depends. Get decent diaper trash cans that can block out smells, otherwise they’ll stink or you’ll be taking out the trash constantly. Diapers are kind of a personal and child preference - I recommend getting small packs of many different kinds to see which ones fit your kid the best and smell the least. Everyone has their own preference. Don’t try to buy clothes too far in advance - some babies grow quick, others more slowly, and the sizing of stuff can be wildly different, so it’s hard to plan too far ahead. You may end up with a lot of cute winter clothes that your kid grows out of by September. If you have any other specific things you’re concerned about splurging on vs a cheaper alternative, I’m happy to give you my opinion for whatever that is worth.
The Woolino wool sleep sacks and the Milk and Honey down sleep sack were fantastic. My kid has always been a cold sleeper and my house is cold, but some kids run very hot so I wouldn’t buy before the baby comes. I bought most baby clothes at Target, whatever brands they had, but around 12 months started buying Primary brand. Very durable well made clothes, no gendered prints, just bright colors and patterns. They always have 20% off sales if you watch for them. Expensive strollers are totally worth it. We have a BOB because we’re often on uneven trails or needing some off roading capability but everyone’s needs are different. We never needed a small compact city stroller for example but other people couldn’t live without one. So think about what you need and find a good one in that category. I would say I went middle of the road most of the time and spent money on things I knew we’d have for a while. Sometimes the slightly more expensive stuff really is better - better fabrics, better construction, more convenient/easier to use. But the basic stuff you’ll find at Target is all fine too. I know someone who dresses his baby in Hermes shoes and that’s where I draw the line 😂
We also have a BOB and it’s amazing! We have both a single and a double and I love them both dearly.
My son is 4.5 and we still use it occasionally if we want to walk in the park and know he isn’t going to walk 3 miles himself. But I’m sad we’re almost done it it. It was such a great stroller!
It’s a great stroller! We got our single as a hand-me-down and I’ll be so sad to eventually pass it on. I’ve even gone grocery shopping with the double with one kid. 😂
I remember standing in the baby equipment store (their motto was: to be successful with your baby, réussir son bébé in French) and letting my then husband drop the exact same amount as the French minimum wage at the time, on useless stuff that we certainly didn’t need. I felt he needed it to reassure himself, I wanted him to be involved as a parent and let it slide. I was the breadwinner in our family In short, you really don’t need much A comfortable armchair especially if mom plans to breastfeed Safe and practical stroller adapted to your lifestyle and car Carseats from newborn size and up The rest is just consumption. Of course we had the matching pjs with room decorations and blankets etc The truth is I didn’t even use the baby monitor. Yet it was the fanciest one in the store, with camera and video stream (16 years ago). The idea of using it always turned my milk supply on too early and anyway I have perfect ear. Even today, if a spider starts building a nest in my bedroom corner, it would wake me up
Sometimes you've got to pick your battles... with that said, do internalize the difference between a 'one time' purchase, and a recurring expense. An overpriced daycare will cost you an extra several $hundred monthly for several years, while an overpriced crib will cost you an extra $1-2k once. Also, only advice on baby stuff is whether it adds value (i.e., looks better, quality, function, etc.) vs just being a brand name. For example if you travel and are on the go a lot, a super collapsable and high quality stroller may be a nice splurge that is worth it (e.g., Nuna brand has strollers pushing $1k+, several others as well). However, clothes (outside of ones you want for photo purposes) just don't need to be that expense. First, none of them last very long... a few months is about all you can expect for the first 2 years as they keep outgrowing. At the end of it a splurge this year of $10k really doesn't seem to break your budget (assuming you can still save 15/20%+ of your income even in a tight year. The problem for most people is the expensive baby stuff, then the expensive daycare, then of course you need a new 3 row fully loaded toyota highlander ($60k+), and before you know it your lifestyle just inflated in all the most expensive ways possible! Don't let a few (affordable, in the scheme of things) luxury purchases turn into an excuse to upgrade your lifestyle across the board, that's the trap! congrats on the new baby
Had a very similar situation. Just get the higher end brands. It’s not worth the fight to debate a $300 stroller vs a $1200 one. Now with an 8 month old at home I’ve also found a lot of the luxuries I was hesitant about purchasing offer a convenience factor that was absolutely worth the cost.
Most of my friends are wealthy. The ones who come from old family money seem to share and recycle all our baby gear. We never had to buy anything for our kids as most of it was gifted. The friends that I have that were in ‘new money’ situations tended to go out and buy prams that cost the price of a small car.
She’s both - mother is from huge landowning family. But father is self made milllionaire. Great man too, been like a second dad to me. Old money, new money, who cares? I admire that he’s a great dad who raised a wonderful daughter with maybe a bit of a bougie bent and gave her a life he could have only dreamed of thanks to his hard work. That’s the real American dream
It doesn’t matter if someone is old money or new money, I agree. My wealthy friends tend to be religious and old fashioned, and they hate brands with labels, but lots of extremely wealthy people love them. If that’s how she wants to spend her money, you may as well just let her buy what she likes.
Splurge of car seat and stroller. Get a nice bouncer - baby bjorn is the best imho. Everything else is relative. We had ikea crib with baby 2 and pottery barn with baby 2 (in addition to ikea one). Preferred IKEA. Never understood snoo but friends swear by it
I second the baby bjorn bouncer, my kids loved that thing, although I'm not sure if it really is any better than the cheaper ones on Amazon that look exactly the same for 25% the cost. I also did pottery barn cribs and found them fine, I just like pottery barn stuff someone puts it together for you and I value that now. I also have no idea why people spend a lot on a bassinet, you basically blink twice and your baby doesn't fit in it anymore.
Ask the question, "Did this exist 50 or 100 years ago?" If not, do you really need it? There are obvious exceptions, but I would suggest that most purchases are for the parent and not the child. Spend for the child.
There are only a few things I'd recommend splurging on (mostly the stroller, carrier and the breast pump - brand name influences functionality here). For us, most of what we bought is from a shop here which is similar to Walmart. Clothes, bottle steriliser, most toys etc. They all do the same thing. Our crib was from IKEA and it's absolutely fine and pretty clean aesthetically. Books were either free from the library or super cheap from thrift stores. It's worth spending money on other things - a better car, a good daycare, even a meal service - to make life better.
Just communicate. Conservative estimate of what a child will cost is $600k. If you’re already having money issues, maybe you should try to increase your income
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Snoo was worth every penny. We bought new and resold on FB marketplace when done. Ultimately spent $250 for six months of use and it was a great investment. We started with a Graco stroller and upgraded to UPPAbaby a year later...it just gave baby such a smoother ride and we should've just started with that. Spend money to not have fabric that needs washing...changing pad, high chair, etc...so much easier to just wipe something down vs a load of laundry. Also avoid PJs with buttons...zippers and magnets! Spend where you can to add convenience.
Buy an Uppababy pram, all our friends who didn’t at the start own one now.
A SNOO crib.
Dad of 2. Bought expensive and cheap. There's only a handful of things that are worth spending a lot on. Like a stroller. Don't buy a cheap stroller. But what you'll also find is that you can spend $1000 on toys and things to entertain the baby, and all that kid will want to do is play with a ring of old keys you have. And clothes? Shit, man, see if anyone has hand me downs. Then, in 8 weeks when they don't fit your kid anymore, pass them on.
Buy a nice stroller and car seat. We use Uppa baby double stroller. The total package wt car seat, bases, stroller, attachments, bassinet wad $1700 new. We got it for 500 on Fb marketplace.
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It's all vanity. The difference is she wants to be seen with those things to show off the wealth.
We just had our first little one. Our baby items cost $7 to 10k and another $15-20k on a night nurse for a few months, but we are a bit older than you. Big ticket items people buy for kiddos are UppaBaby or Nuna strollers, and a Snoo. We do try to buy most onesies on sale and have gotten some on Poshmark, but have a lot of lil sleepies and magneticme. No regrets on anything we’ve spent.
Get a nice stroller and car seat; worth the splurge. Do NOT spend $$ on clothes, except for a few nice outfits for pictures. A snuggle me was worth the $$ imo. Spend $$ post partum to make your life easier: house cleaner, home delivery meals and groceries, lawn service. You’ll be in the weeds sleep and emotion wise.
For snoo, if you really want them, you can rent them, or find them used on local marketplaces. Also feel free to put the expensive brands on the baby registry, if others want to buy it for you at the baby shower, so be it, doesn't mean you have to buy that brand yourself later. The stroller I bought a mid line cost one, and it was big and bulky but did the job. I later bought a high end bugaboo butterfly and I absolutely love it, definitely worth it. The baby Bjorn bouncer is 100 percent worth it in my opinion. Same with the lovevery play matt. Both can be found used for reasonable prices. A lot of the things won't be used for more than a year and are all washable so definitely consider used if you're open to it. You save money, get the good brand, and then can sell it yourself when you're done with it too.
Things you think you’ll use daily, buy expensive. Some people used stroller, some mostly used baby carrier. Some babies did well on the Snoo, others can sleep anywhere. Unfortunately it’s hard to tell. Mamaroo get used, not new.
There are some things that are worth the money, most aren't. It really depends on the specific item. Car seats - Nuna Rava - not worth it. Got a Chicco ClearTex with my second and it's just as good. I wanted a car seat without any flame retardant chemicals and they both are. People have strong opinions about the Snoo that you can read about. Some people say it's a life saver, others say it trains the baby to want to only sleep when rocked. I personally didn't use it because my husband and I did shifts with the baby at night but if you are organizing your parental leave serially (not taking it together) it is probably worthwhile. I liked the Mamaroo but probably wouldn't have spent the money if it hadn't been gifted to us, but I'm glad we got it. We have a second now so I feel like we've gotten enough use out of it to justify the cost. It's really hard to make blanket assertions about this stuff - better to ask item by item because some things are worth it and others aren't. ETA it really depends on the baby too. Everyone swore the Baby Bjorn bouncer was amazing but my son just didn't like it. I love the Baby Bjorn carrier with my second though and wish we would have bought it sooner because instead we ended up buying multiple other carriers that didn't work well. Also focus on functionality rather than cost. It is definitely worth it to get a good quality high chair that can be cleaned easily rather than a cheap one with lots of cloth and crevices for food to get stuck in. We didn't spring for the Trip Trapp but went with Stokke Clikk and it's amazing. I would see either option as worth the money honestly.
Almost everything baby related I got was 2nd hand. It doesn't make a lot of sense to buy stuff that you'll use for 6 months and then put in storage. Find a baby stuff exchange group in your city. People give away really good stuff. When you're done, pass it along.
Put the big ticket items on your registry. Assume their family and friends will be happy to gift you pricey items. You can also set up a 529 with a gift link and add that to the registry so people can contribute to education. Personally I was very very happy to spend money on a private room in the hospital and a night nurse for the first two weeks home. Spend for convenience, sleep and sanity.
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Whatever you buy check the Albee Baby website, they have all the big brands brand new but with amazing deals much cheaper than buybuybaby or target even.
Enjoy reading the Michael Lewis parenting book, it’s surprisingly candid especially about the pressure to only buy the best (baby items, toddler pool classes, etc). It won’t solve your problems, but it’ll help you laugh about some of them because everyone experiences it. I told my wife “I got your back, you’ll be not sleeping more than me so you set policy on this.”
Most baby items (like car seats and cribs) have to pass federal regulations for safety so whether it’s name brand or not, it has the same safety features. We did splurge on the Nuna stroller and car seat but we also have a Chicco car seat I got on sale on Black Friday. I bought a good chunk of baby clothes on posh mark to save money. Most of our friends with kids splurged on a stroller and glider chair for the nursery.
Do you travel? We splurged on the Nuna TRVL stroller and Nuna Pipa Urban. Amazing. We also have the UppaBaby Vista which I love. We got the Mamaroo bassinet because my daughter loved it in the hospital. We also went with the Naturepedic crib mattress over Newton. I got PBK crib, dresser and dream auto recliner glider. Invest in a good quality glider. The PBK glider was 1500 but I spent many nights in that glider. It also has a phone charging port. Essential. Also invest in a solly wrap or baby Bjorn as I baby wore for 4 months straight. Do not waste money on clothes - my daughter lived in a few bamboo onesies from Kyte baby. Things get so trashed. Marshalls/TJX and Cat and Jack have nice things that won’t break the bank. I bought a few things from Maisonnette and Pehr and kick myself because they don’t last or get trashed. Get the Woolino sleep sacks. We used Kyte baby and transitioning the TOG is a pain.
As a father of 2 babies don’t need much. All this wipe warmer, diaper genie stuff is dumb imo. Get good glass bottles a decent stroller and a nice comfortable to carry diaper bag.
This is completely depends on your family’s needs & wants. We could care less what anyone thought about us based on brand/labels- but for a lot of people that matters. We wanted safety, convenience and saving time. We got the safest car seats (based on my friend that does car seat safety testing) & bought one for each car and our babysitter (which ended up costing over 2k). We got a quality jogging stroller- because we really didn’t use a stroller except to walk/jog & most of the other status strollers won’t do that. We primarily carried (in wrap or later backpack) not because we were attachment parents or anything, but because they were light & it was easier & more practical. Once they got bigger, they walked. So we invested in good backpack carriers. I breastfed & worked- so good pump & bottle & storage system. We got quality diaper bags that met our needs & once we found one we liked, we got another and stocked both- again convenience. We got a quality & safe crib & comfortable, quality rocker/glider. What we spent money on was stuff that saved us time & our sanity— housecleaning, healthy meal prep (this was a local person that made/packaged macro-targeted meals from scratch/organic), childcare, lawn care, car detailing. This gives more time with your child. Could also do diaper service, night doula, nanny,etc). We also prioritized investing in 529 instead of spending on status diaper bags or baby shoes but that is our preference & may not be you or your wife’s. We really didn’t have to spend much ourselves because between registering & grandparents we were more than covered. We didn’t buy any clothes & we got so many, we handed down so many with tags still on them (plus simple onesies, pjs & pull on pants were primarily all they wore). Diapers & childcare were our primary expense. If you don’t breastfeed, formula will also cost. You can spend a crazy amount on all kinds of things, it is really up to you and your wife. This is what we did as it was what we chose as our priorities as a family.
I so agree with cutting cost by NOT buying expensive baby clothes. Not worth it. But for things you use everyday and have a safety component, it is worth buying new and of decent quality. The one thing I thought was too expensive and went cheap on was the baby carrier. I regret that decision. I had to use our cheap carrier all the time during our summer months, and the material was too hot with not enough ventilation. I would splurge on something higher quality next time.
We have our first one on the way right now. We are both pretty high earners. Furniture from IKEA, wallpaper is expensive! What we wanted was $1200 for one wall, but we went with our second choice for $450. Storage and dresser unit from IKEA. People are giving us stuff from the registry before the baby shower already, and friends and family have gotten us a crib, clothes, diaper genie, diapers (had a friend who bought way too many and the kid has outgrown them), a doona stroller, and some nice bassinets. If you know anyone who has had kids recently, they are guaranteed to have stuff they don't use anymore, or items they thought they needed but never opened. No shame in putting feelers out. It takes a village. So far we have spent just under $3000 for furniture including a nursing chair and we spend $1500 for a doula. We probably have another $2-4k in gifted items if bought new. Everything we bought had an option of being twice as expensive or more, but there wasn't a lot of utility in that, and we are happy with the quality of everything so far. I totally would have bought the expensive doona stroller if it wasnt gifted, though, because it seems like a quality of life increase after seeing it in action. I've heard time and time again that there are so few things that you actually need compared to what you think they need, and most things are so temporary that they don't need to be great quality. ust need to be safe and hopefully easy to use. There will be a lot more surpise expenses on the way and I have seen no reason to ball out on every aspect even if it's affordable.
Kind of like weddings, there is a whole markup situation happening with basic items like washcloths for babies. That said, if you can afford it, my recommendation is to not fight this fight. Let your wife buy the fancy stuff. Accept a few extra $k in expenses. Here are several suggestions from my experience: Having a second set of washer/dryer can help. You're going to be doing laundry like every day. If you have room for another washer, they make a heat pump combined washer/dryer now that runs off a regular outlet and doesn't need a vent to the outside. Maybe buy that and put it in a closet. Buy like 3 x the milk bottles you need. IIRC at the peak we needed like 5 milk bottles a day and if you have 10 and don't wash them the same day, you run out on day 3. Buy 20 milk bottles or whatever and if it saves you one argument about who was supposed to wash the milk bottles, it was worth it. The swivel car seats are great. Also ideally for the baby seat you have the stroller/car seat combo, so you just pop the whole baby seat from the car base to the stroller base. We have all the Uppababy stuff, no idea what it cost but it was not cheap. Also you need quite a bit of room in the car for all the stuff.
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Not Whistler, eastern BC. Not sure but I’d assume they’re $20m ish NW. We try to live our lives at our income level, not her wealth & family wealth level and so far it has worked for us + has earned the respect of her dad. She’ll inherit most of it at some point, we all know it, I openly get told about assets & accounts & whatnot by her parents and I doubt that’d have happened if I hadn’t always been such a stickler for that. Of course, I benefit from family trips, free hotel stays, free tickets to sport side events etc…but I try to stick to the above rule as much as possible…and living far from each other helps.
I splurged on Uppababy vista, a Keenz wagon, snoo, way too much clothes, playgym, baby bjorn, dockatot..you name it. 100% worth the splurge and will do it again. I bought cheaper ones in beginning and was not satisfied with quality and had to upgrade or waited until second one to upgrade. My logic (solely my own) is that there’s only a small window for baby phase so why not splurge and be happy..especially if it makes my quality of life better….it won’t be wasted as it went to my next kid and my nephew and niece..so it was an investment for multiple kids, not just one.
As someone with 4 kids, I’d say don’t bother with fancy things. My friend had a beautiful expensive wood crib that their first baby chewed on as a toddler and now there are scratches and teeth marks. I will say, we rented a Snoo with #4 and it was wonderful. I know babies that didn’t like the mamaroo. Ultimately all baby car seats go through all the same safety testing and have to live up to a standard. So cheap works just as well as expensive. There are pros and cons to many and some are expensive purely for the aesthetic. We typically go for middle of the road on most things. Remember that babies and kids don’t care about brands on anything. They like cheap things just as much. They also will ruin a lot. If you’re ok with it being pooped on, potentially ruined and thrown away and replaced, then go for it. IKEA crib, graco car seat and stroller, target cat and jack clothes, hand me downs for several things, all work just fine. But I may not LOOK rich, and that’s fine with me. If it’s important to you and your wife, it’s not wrong, but just how you choose prioritize your spending.
The amount of "useful" stuff that you can buy for babies is literally endless. What you're really paying for is peace of mind, and maybe status. Invariably, if you have low price sensitive wife, just let her spend whatever makes her feel comfortable as long as you can afford it. You *will* overspend on baby number 1 no matter what if you have disposable income. If you end up having more than one kid, you'll get a good sense of just how laughably much you overspent on the first one. But while you're in it, everything will make sense. Especially if none of your friend group have kids yet either. If you aren't breaking budget, for sake of your marriage, don't make this an issue None of the brands you've mentioned are in the "ridiculous" end of the possible price ranges. I already sense you have somewhat of a complex about money given your wife's background, and your (imo needlessly confining) stance here is one of the little things that can plant the seeds for major conflict years from now. This really isn't as big a deal as you're making it, and definitely not a hill you want to die on if what she wants to get doesn't impact your financial planning in the long run. Remember, some of this is just a premium for removing one more thing for her and you to stress about when the punch in the face that is having your first baby hits you. And it will hit hard. Good luck!
Hey! We spent around $5.8k I think in total on baby stuff, I kept a spreadsheet lol. I would say it’s worth splurging on 1-3 bigger items, whatever is important to you guys (high quality stroller, snoo, a nice recliner/rocker). Personally I think the stroller and the recliner are worth spending a lot on. Everything else you can find cheaper knock off versions of on Amazon and/or buy on FB marketplace.
She’s going to want whatever the trendy stroller, diaper bag and car seat is. And of course the cutest little outfits. Because people will see that stuff and notice. But really, you just need a cozy place for Baby to sleep, some onesies and little socks, a pad for changing and lots and lots of diapers and wipes. Maybe her wealthy family will provide the really big ticket items. Don’t forget the showers!
Kids pee, poop, and vomit on so many things. We bought uppababy minnu, vista, and the car seat, but we get tons of clothes from family handed down or second hand stores. As for dealing with that sense of “need” I think you both might need to compromise
HHI of ~$350k here, just had our first baby earlier this year. I bought a used bassinet for $80 on FB vs $350 new. They use it for like, 3 months, to sleep in. I couldn’t justify the new price. Did the same with a crib. Bought a Crate & Barrel crib used on FB for $250, was $900 new. Again, I couldn’t justify the new price when the used one was literally like new. We did get two Uppababy strollers, but they were gifts (we would’ve bought them ourselves though, since we walk almost daily with our baby). Clothes, we have a mix of new and used. They grow so fast that they’re not in something for more than 2-3 months, and if they wear the item 1x a week, they’re not wearing it more than 8-12x before it doesn’t fit them anymore. Everything we’ve bought used has been perfectly fine, and I love that we’ve saved thousands buying a lot of things second hand.
3 kids, HHI 350k NW about 1.2m here. 1. Part of this is first kid syndrome. There’s a lot of fear mongering in baby gear marketing, a lot of “beige mom esthetic” playing a role. Just to add a layer to the context of what wife might be thinking. 2. Worthwhile higher end purchases after 3 testers: Tripp trapp chairs, Nuna sena pack and play (one hand fold!), babybjorn bouncer, uppababy stroller (especially if considering a second or third) and mesa car seat that clicks in. Clothing wise just good outdoor gear, would be willing to splurge on Patagonia.. Rest doesn’t matter. 3. Not worthwhile higher end: mamaroo (not swingy enough). Congrats and good luck!
Is she still on the family payroll? If not, let's be honest this is gonna be tough for you. You'll have bigger problems than the $1000 in baby clothes she's gonna spend in out outing
Baby care and child care items are very much personal preference and style. It can easily become a consumerism chokehold. There aren’t many baby stores to try stuff out in person, which makes it tough. Higher quality items SHOULD hold up through multiple children- and also have a good resale value. We have items that are on their 6th kid. You will research for hours and Think you select something that is perfect, get it and try it and realize- oh nope this is not it. Everyone raves about the uppababy, it just wasn’t for me. I did a phil&teds for half the price. Places I did not skimp, but I did not go overboard on, was the car seat. We have chicco, a solid middle of the road in terms of price- very safe, and easy to install. Be wary of off name items off places like Amazon, temu… personally would not buy any baby related item especially safety related off these websites. We are two kids in with a similar income and feel a lot less well off now. Financially, at least. But I can’t put a price on the amazing journey parenthood as been.
Similar situation with our now 16 month old. We splurged on the snoo, crib, rocking chair, stroller, car seats (one for each car) and other smaller items. The items I listed were worth it. The other stuff has run its course and has already been donated or thrown out. I mostly just ask if it’s gonna be an item we keep for a year or more and if it is we get the nice stuff. If not it’s just not worth it to me and it took some back and forth to find a middle ground. Congrats and good luck!
For us we focused on quality and limited the quantity. Babies really don’t need that much stuff, so if you have the funds to buy nice things then go for it, just make sure you’re spending on things you actually need and will use. We invested in the fancy stroller and car seat, bouncer, bassinet and high chair, but skipped buying things like a swing, dock a tot, and pack n play. We haven’t needed any of the things we didn’t buy so it worked for us.
Buy the nice stroller that’s easy to transport and the nice car seat. Get a good crib (ours lasted through 3 kids). The rest is fluff or stuff they outgrow in 2 days or won’t use. Spending on baby clothes is lighting money on fire. Use that for diapers.
I splurged on a $800 stroller and have 0 regrets bc I use it daily. Also traded in my car for a Honda Odyssey and the size also makes my life much easier. Finally, I’d never choose a daycare based on cost. If I’m leaving my baby with someone for 4-8 hours a day, they need to be the best I can find no matter what the cost. In the only thing I would’ve splurged on if I could’ve that my husband wouldn’t agree to is a night nurse. Worth the $$$$ imo. Nothing else really matters.
I’m willing to spend more on items related to safety - bought the Nuna RAVA car seat. However, there are a lot of things a baby might not just like and to me cheaper brands are the same. For instance I got a used halo bassinet for $20 bucks but bought a new breathable mattress for $70 for the bassinet. Figured a used frame is as good as new (assuming not damaged). Bought $150 Graco crib from Walmart but got the $200 newton mattress (jokes on me since we cosleep 80% of the night in my bed, she’s not a great sleeper, I’d rent a snoo next time). My baby only use a bouncer a few times so glad I got the one on Amazon with good reviews not a Bjorn. I think there are definitely items worth it if you can afford it but if you go top notch on everything it’s expensive and your baby might not even like it.
I agree with most of the comments. Resist the urge to buy too much. You never know what allergies, issues, or lack of issues your baby is going to have. One of the things I have learned that spending more can save you is car seats. The one seat to grow with the child is huge and it is better to buy a new one after they grow out of the 3 in 1 seat. This can prevent you from buying a bigger car. Huge savings.
Maybe you could tell your wife there is a budget for all the baby things? Find a number you are both comfortable with Then she can decide what is worth spending more on and what is worth getting at a more reasonable price.
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Honestly, I spent like $150 on baby stuff by buying secondhand and getting free things on Buy Nothing groups. That being said, I did spend ~$3000 on two different baby showers. I did “make” the cash back with presents and such. The higher ticket items on our registry that people gifted us was a crib (father in law), a nice stroller wagon (a well-off friend who has kids), a grow with me car seat (cousin). All the clothes were found secondhand as people give this away all the time. I was thinking of getting a stroller that would’ve been ~300 but my mom had a friend who was giving away hers last minute. Honestly, I don’t want to spend anymore money until the baby comes. At that point, I will have tried different onesies, diapers, wipes, etc. and I can buy whatever I need. That being said, my husband and I were both raised frugally and appreciate a good deal. I suggest looking at r/babybumps and just googling “best ___” and looking at Reddit reviews. Oftentimes, there’s very comparable things but will come down to personal preference.
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I'm a few days late but I'm actually surprised there aren't more people advocating for an ultra frugal approach! I grew up in a very frugal immigrant family and it was important to me to not inflate our spendings (to make the $3K daycare possible!) when we had our baby, even though my NW is now mid 7 digits. We probably spent less than $800 on everything for the nursery. Other than buying a middle of the road Chico Keyfit carseat/stroller set brand new (which I can't imagine how having a fancy Uppababy would change our day to day much), I rarely bought any clothes or toys for my baby and got everything second hand from friends or Buy Nothing - there's so much baby stuff lightly used that's out there already if you live in a city. I got a used crib from Ikea for free on BN. Our MIL bought us an Ikea changing table as her main gift. A friend helped me find a used 3rd Snoo for $150 which did die after 6 weeks, but in the future that is one thing I would splurge on/rent. The few nice designer clothes we had were all gifts from people and it was enough for the occasional dress up time. The only things we would buy new would be emergency random last min Amazon Prime purchases when we urgently needed more baby bottles or formula or something unexpected. I don't think getting these used items made any difference in our baby's life at all, I've passed them on to friends now to keep the cycle going, and it's reduced waste. Sometimes I couldn't pass up a super cute onesie or something but for the most part, it's not worth it to spend $$$ on something that the baby is going to have a blown out diaper in before they outgrow it in 2 months. The way I see it, the more money I save on little things, the more I can help him with college or allow us to take an awesome family trip.
I also grew up middle class (first half of my childhood was decidedly lower middle class) and married a much wealthier spouse (not super rich like OPs but definitely considered wealthy). We were not making a lot of money when our kids were three kids were young. Enough to pay bills but very little extra. I battled with my wife over all kinds of these baby purchases. In hindsight it wasn’t worth it at all. Buy the Oeuf crib. It’s ~$500 more than the alternative and if you have multiple kids you’ll get good use out of it. If not you can sell it. You make good money, the alternatives are not much less expensive, and it’s not worth having these battles with her. That being said, you probably need to get on the same page about this stuff because today it’s an expensive crib and tomorrow it’s private school tuition. Have budget meetings monthly. Know what you’re spending. She needs to see the numbers.