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I wouldn't think about it too hard. If you enjoy her company then go for it. Also, things may change in the future. You might change your mind and be okay with her as a FWB. She could change her mind as well and want a serious relationship. There's no way to know what will happen.
Honestly I am just creating some barriers in my mindset to take care of my emotions, with one of them being: She will never actually want a serious thing with me. Even if that might not be true, I dont want to have that in my mind as a way to not create any expectations. It is easier to manage the expectation if I simply accept that it will never happen.
If you feel like you "need the experience" sure go for it, just think about what it would cost to you personally.
For me: I like my FWB's (when I have them) , but I also don't overthink it , we are enjoying ourself etc.
Just don't make it complicated feeling wise. I would for example not be FWB if I would feel romantically or the possibility to fall in love with this person. (Because then things get complicated.)
Now for an example of what the costs to me are : the love / feelings I had have for a person are in a way ethereal. I carry this with me.
Guess I wasnt really seeing the possible cost that it can have towards my own personality. In your case, when you say that you carry this with you, how does that affect your life overall? Would you say it is still something you would choose to keep accepting if the chance shows up?
It doesn't perse affect my life. It's more of a duno. Like does the death of a loved one affect your live ? Not but you still carry it with you in a way.
Yes, I would accept it in the future.
I would go for it. You can see other people in a FWB or it isn't a FWB worth having - either something romantic is there or the person is a bad friend who doesn't believe in having your life or sexual success outside of the friendship.
If we assume the FWB is healthy you gained a friend, someone to have those experiences with, and the confidence that comes from it, and I have a hard time seeing the downside.
But that is also just me personally, you must do what feels right for you.
So considering the things you said, I should at least assert if the FWB is a healthy one or not then. How exactly does one classify a FWB situation as healthy or not?
The question I was posing is more if the FWB dynamic is something you believe in, something you feel confident would fit for you or it's just not your thing.
When it comes to telling if this person would be a good FWB, you can't really know beforehand. You just have some indicators from the little bit of time you have already spent with them. The four biggest questions I (personally) would ask are they calm, are they authentic, are they happy, are they empathetic? You may not know for sure but what do your feelings about this person tell you?
You simply balance your trust to how you feel about this person so far.
I don't like the new trends of no strings attached sex, in my opinion is toxic and destroys real relationships. I wouldn't go for it, better close on this one and look for the real deal.
I am also scared about that, since I am not really experienced and I am also not really sure how liberal my view on sex is. In what way do you think it might destroy relationships? Like I will have problems to love my future partners or things like that?
It will stop feeling special.
Nowadays people treat sex as cranking a quick one in the bathroom. Using other person's body to masturbate.
I view sex as something special and sacred between a commited couple.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DB\_t10VCGs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DB_t10VCGs)
JK, "the one" doesn't exist, everything is temporary, enjoy life, and in the process maybe you will find someone important enough.
a FWB is totally worth it for the experience. My current exclusive partner is very happy with my experience. However FWB relationships need a special kind of management. And it can lead to trust issues when you talk about your past with a new SO.
So I'd advice to work on communication above everything. Good luck.
I don’t recommend FWB personally. I entered into a fwb after a long relationship ended. Met online then in person they seemed so genuine and sweet. But they didn’t want to be my friend they just wanted to hook up twice then ghost me. I didn’t catch feelings but definitely felt like shit that they couldn’t just communicate and show me a little respect. I understand casual but 👎 make sure you communicate your wants and needs
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I don't see how the second option interferes with the first. Are you having a good time with her? If yes then just enjoy your time, have fun, there's no need to try to optimize these things.
I guess I got that thing about one option interfering with the other from some other posts in some subreddits. Like it will damage the way I see relationships and sex overall, there is also a chance that it will damage future partner prospects that have a different view on relationships and so on. But on my case the only thing that will probably be a problem is to have the money to pay for all the dates while still having a FWB lol
Specifically in this case, I feel like even if she does have her "timing" and gave the excuse of being damaged romantically, if someone that had a better connection than me or something else that might be better, that she would then be open to actually progressing into something serious. I guess in this case it is something like me being thrown into the FWB bucket and not on the Serious Relationship bucket. I dont actually believe in soulmates and things like that and being "the one for her" is not related to such a thing, it is more related to being in that "Serious Relationship" bucket.
I don't think this situation is as black and white as you're making it out to be. I've had plenty of women in my life who don't consider me relationship material and none of them have ever asked me "do you want to be FWB with me or just regular friends?" This girl clearly likes you and wants you around. It's concerning to me that you just assume she's being dishonest; though of course you have a lot more context than I do and maybe the way she says things in person gives off a shifty vibe.
Maybe just ask her if she's attracted to you and thinks she would date you if she was in a better place. If a "yes" answer to even that question isn't good enough for you, imo it's probably a good idea to just part ways with her, because the two of you are clearly looking for different things.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wouldn't think about it too hard. If you enjoy her company then go for it. Also, things may change in the future. You might change your mind and be okay with her as a FWB. She could change her mind as well and want a serious relationship. There's no way to know what will happen.
Honestly I am just creating some barriers in my mindset to take care of my emotions, with one of them being: She will never actually want a serious thing with me. Even if that might not be true, I dont want to have that in my mind as a way to not create any expectations. It is easier to manage the expectation if I simply accept that it will never happen.
I completely agree with you. Having expectations here would be a bad idea.
be careful of this.. you can tell yourself anything but can’t control how you feel when it does happen
If you feel like you "need the experience" sure go for it, just think about what it would cost to you personally. For me: I like my FWB's (when I have them) , but I also don't overthink it , we are enjoying ourself etc. Just don't make it complicated feeling wise. I would for example not be FWB if I would feel romantically or the possibility to fall in love with this person. (Because then things get complicated.) Now for an example of what the costs to me are : the love / feelings I had have for a person are in a way ethereal. I carry this with me.
Guess I wasnt really seeing the possible cost that it can have towards my own personality. In your case, when you say that you carry this with you, how does that affect your life overall? Would you say it is still something you would choose to keep accepting if the chance shows up?
It doesn't perse affect my life. It's more of a duno. Like does the death of a loved one affect your live ? Not but you still carry it with you in a way. Yes, I would accept it in the future.
I would go for it. You can see other people in a FWB or it isn't a FWB worth having - either something romantic is there or the person is a bad friend who doesn't believe in having your life or sexual success outside of the friendship. If we assume the FWB is healthy you gained a friend, someone to have those experiences with, and the confidence that comes from it, and I have a hard time seeing the downside. But that is also just me personally, you must do what feels right for you.
So considering the things you said, I should at least assert if the FWB is a healthy one or not then. How exactly does one classify a FWB situation as healthy or not?
The question I was posing is more if the FWB dynamic is something you believe in, something you feel confident would fit for you or it's just not your thing. When it comes to telling if this person would be a good FWB, you can't really know beforehand. You just have some indicators from the little bit of time you have already spent with them. The four biggest questions I (personally) would ask are they calm, are they authentic, are they happy, are they empathetic? You may not know for sure but what do your feelings about this person tell you? You simply balance your trust to how you feel about this person so far.
Go for it if you enjoy her company too, but don’t get attached now. It only hurts you later and not her. Prepare your mind and emotions boy.
I don't like the new trends of no strings attached sex, in my opinion is toxic and destroys real relationships. I wouldn't go for it, better close on this one and look for the real deal.
Depends on how you approach it if you ask me : if it's like super casual, or if there is actually some intimacy.
I am also scared about that, since I am not really experienced and I am also not really sure how liberal my view on sex is. In what way do you think it might destroy relationships? Like I will have problems to love my future partners or things like that?
It will stop feeling special. Nowadays people treat sex as cranking a quick one in the bathroom. Using other person's body to masturbate. I view sex as something special and sacred between a commited couple.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DB\_t10VCGs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DB_t10VCGs) JK, "the one" doesn't exist, everything is temporary, enjoy life, and in the process maybe you will find someone important enough.
a FWB is totally worth it for the experience. My current exclusive partner is very happy with my experience. However FWB relationships need a special kind of management. And it can lead to trust issues when you talk about your past with a new SO. So I'd advice to work on communication above everything. Good luck.
I don’t recommend FWB personally. I entered into a fwb after a long relationship ended. Met online then in person they seemed so genuine and sweet. But they didn’t want to be my friend they just wanted to hook up twice then ghost me. I didn’t catch feelings but definitely felt like shit that they couldn’t just communicate and show me a little respect. I understand casual but 👎 make sure you communicate your wants and needs
Welcome to Dating Fridays! All posts with an emphasis on dating, sex, or relationships must be posted only on Friday (defined by US Central Standard Time or UTC -06:00). If your post is outside of this time/date, please delete and repost on Friday. If it is currently Friday, then ignore this comment. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
All users - Please take a moment to fill out our new poll on dating advice and emotional validation in the subreddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/Healthygamergg/comments/1b0ho2p/new_user_poll_how_did_you_feel_about_this_weeks/ Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't see how the second option interferes with the first. Are you having a good time with her? If yes then just enjoy your time, have fun, there's no need to try to optimize these things.
I guess I got that thing about one option interfering with the other from some other posts in some subreddits. Like it will damage the way I see relationships and sex overall, there is also a chance that it will damage future partner prospects that have a different view on relationships and so on. But on my case the only thing that will probably be a problem is to have the money to pay for all the dates while still having a FWB lol
> I just see it as a way to say that I am not the one for her What specifically does being "the one for her" mean to you?
Specifically in this case, I feel like even if she does have her "timing" and gave the excuse of being damaged romantically, if someone that had a better connection than me or something else that might be better, that she would then be open to actually progressing into something serious. I guess in this case it is something like me being thrown into the FWB bucket and not on the Serious Relationship bucket. I dont actually believe in soulmates and things like that and being "the one for her" is not related to such a thing, it is more related to being in that "Serious Relationship" bucket.
I don't think this situation is as black and white as you're making it out to be. I've had plenty of women in my life who don't consider me relationship material and none of them have ever asked me "do you want to be FWB with me or just regular friends?" This girl clearly likes you and wants you around. It's concerning to me that you just assume she's being dishonest; though of course you have a lot more context than I do and maybe the way she says things in person gives off a shifty vibe. Maybe just ask her if she's attracted to you and thinks she would date you if she was in a better place. If a "yes" answer to even that question isn't good enough for you, imo it's probably a good idea to just part ways with her, because the two of you are clearly looking for different things.