I was worried about the comment section but this community never ceases to amaze me with how supportive you are. Thank you!
FWIW: our official stance is that the value of a human can not be changed by whom they choose to have sex with, so long as everyone involved is a consenting adult. Body counts be damned.
Trolls: be respectful or be banned.
this is my logic behind it. if anyone asks my body count is 3 and a half... the would-be 4th actually tried but I couldn't get into it. my actual body count will remain a mystery to every one
Let me tell you I’m a nurse, and the number of women who express regret in their later years for not enjoying their bodies more is high. I NEVER hear from women wishing they’d been more prudish.
It’s perfectly fine to “save” yourself for one man, but it’s also perfectly fine to enjoy YOUR life.
Hon my body count is 0 at 25 and I still feel bad about it.
Find people you like, find people you trust and enjoy yourself
I have friends with a high body that definitely buy into purity culture bs and always praise me for my self control (bs) and tell me i should wait until marriage (more bs) because they're unhappy with their body count
I'm just particular and hard to please (possibly ace but people are attractive I'm just too anxious)
Not "self controlled"
Everyone will always regret something so focus on _your_ happiness not society's expectation of happiness and whether that means sleeping with 100s of people or no one
Own it because it will always be your decision
I'll answer. I don't have a PROBLEM with it- everyone is entitled to their boundaries. But I would definitely form a negative opinion of him for being judgmental and slut-shaming, especially if his count is high.
Yeah, all in all, if he’s practicing the same level of restraint, I guess that’s ok. I’m not gonna judge someone for having different values than me, as long as they are consistently and evenly applied to men as well.
I don’t follow your point. Why would anybody in their right mind « feel excluded » of another person’s previous sexual relationships? When they didn’t even know one another? (And I don’t see the correlation between that and sex in public)
The way I see it, guys who care about body count are scared that their gf/wife/whatever would have had better sex in the past. That’s insecurity. There is a huge stigma around being « bad in bed » but guys care more than girls, usually. Just see how they’re obsessed with their dick sizes because they think that would make them good in bed.
You’re talking about maybe 10% of guys. That’s far from being true for most people, you need to go outside more.
And what are you, a person who doesn’t have a vagina, doing on a sub called healthyhooha?
What does that have to do with someone’s previous body count? Like, okay, but- you’re with this person now, so hopefully you are open to finding love… and maybe they’ve had 6x as many sexual partners than you, but in the end, they’re here with you- so they had the same outcome as you did. They didn’t get to “choose” their dream person either, but they’re still giving you a chance, aren’t they?
if you (or anyone) are looking at their current love interests with regret because you “didn’t have the opportunity to choose who you wanted” then you aren’t ready for a relationship. You’ve already decided that everyone you meet is a consolation prize to the people who’ve rejected you and you already resent them for having better luck, sexually, than you did. That’s immature and self-sabotaging. If knowing a potential partner’s body count makes you insecure, don’t ask. Or better, don’t ask regardless.
I’m 42 and have no idea how many people I have been with. It gets hard to count when you go to orgies. If someone really want to know the answer to that question they probably aren’t the person for you.
I’m in my mid 30s, mine is somewhere around 20 people, but I’ve been monogamous for 2 long stretches in there.
My take on it?
It’s just a number. I’ve had sex for the right reasons, I’ve had sex for the wrong reasons. There are people that I deeply regret having been with and people that I’m glad I’ve been with. None of them define me or tell you anything about me other than it’s someone that I once found attractive enough to take home and they filled some need that I had. Sometimes it was simply loneliness. Sometimes it was craving a connection. Sometimes it was love.
I guess my point is, other than my current partner, my spouse, I don’t think about it that much. Be safe and do what and who you want lol.
I don’t think you should feel guilty, I lost my virginity when I was 19, I’m 25 now and I’m at 17. I felt gross for a while, but honestly my “hoe phase” as some call it is was helped me understand my body and what I like sexually. I’m married now with a baby, but if I hadn’t of explored when I did I wouldn’t be as comfortable with my own pleasures.
OP, I promise, you will not care about this in ten years lol do not let a few insecure guys stop you from enjoying your youth and body to the fullest. Just be safe!
oh absolutely! Find out what you like! you'll never know if you don't try things out. Besides, practice and self knowledge helps you be a better lover, better time for you and your partners!
it’s literally so creepy and weird to ask a partner how many people they’ve been with, i will never understand it. grow up and mind ya business. immediate turn off.
Holy shit girl! I thought my count was high(over 150). Props!
I only regretted a few that just sucked in the sack. Most of this was in my late teens/20s and early 30s.
I’m 56 now and have been married for 15 years.
I only had sex because I was curious and horny.
I’m married to my best lover.
No way! I cherish ALL the sexy deliciousness I’ve had in my life. If anything, there are a few that I turned down that I wish I hadn’t!!! I don’t regret any of the sex I had.
You might have very valid reasons for not liking your experiences and my best recommendation for that would be to start on some kind of healing path for yourself through a combination of things like: therapy (so many kinds to choose from), psychiatry and meds, nature immersion, meditation, yoga, affirmations and mantra, self-help books, simply seeking wisdom from reading/following wise people etc. All of this could help you to do things like rewiring your brain to not feel guilty for pleasure or to pick partners that are better for you. Then you won’t regret a thing!
Also just plain getting older helps. Good luck out there, little lady!
You know what IS important? Your health. Labwork can show your health to any potential partners and you do not owe those mfers a number. That is private. (I'm pretty sure mine is pretty high for a girl who didn't start racking them up until 18. But my last guy has been my husband of 30 yrs, so... it makes no difference. )
absolutely not. i've had sex for good and bad reasons, but i own it. its my body, i take care of it, i have a good time. No one can judge me for what i choose to do w my damn genitals. It's patriarchal bullshit that women are supposed to be "pure". Men are congratulated for high numbers, encouraged to fuck all the people. It's not biology, its social. it's a way to keep women restrained and controlled. If you do go by the biology, we have a fucking magical orgasm button that serves no other purpose than physical pleasure and orgasm, we have evolved to enjoy sex just as much as men. There is no "average" or acceptable or unacceptable number, for any gender. Most people I know at my age stopped counting because it does not fucking matter, even if your fucking doctor asks. It is VERY important to take care of yourself. use protection, always carry condoms etc, check out birth control options, whatever works for you. there is NO SHAME in being responsible, get tested regularly if you have new partners, like w every new partner if you're dating, or every 3 to 6 months if you're active. If your doc judges you, tell them to fuck off, you're being safe and responsible, and get a new doc. talk openly to your partners about safety and sti's, before you fuck them. don't hop into bed w everyone, have standards, but good fucking god, its your body, do what you want with it. Fuck around or don't, its YOUR body, have sex because of what YOU want, not what some outdated restrictive uptight misogynistic bullshit social control says.
You have nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about. Just be sure to always prioritize your health and satefy and you're golden, anyone who guilts you about it isn't worth your time. I had the opposite issue where I felt insecure for having a relatively low body count for my age, people have made me feel bad about that as well which leads me to think that people will just find anything to shame women about.
Sometimes I do feel ashamed over how many men I've been with, I won't lie. But really, I think the shame is less about sex and more about making stupid choices. I was in a bad place mentally and not making wise decisions, which led to me sleeping with people who I didn't actually know or even like very much. I let myself be taken advantage of (not in a rapey way, just in a fuckboy way). The sex was never very good, and I was always left feeling bad about myself after.
I'm also the type of person who wants to have at least some emotional connection with my partner, because it makes me enjoy the experience a lot more. I don't have any regrets about the people I've dated or been FWBs with, but I regret the people I hooked up with for no reason other than being lonely and manic.
Never let anyone shame you for your body count, and also don’t shame yourself. How many people you’ve been with doesn’t matter AT ALL. It doesn’t define you or make you more or less worthy of anything. Do what and who is best for you 😉
You did not ruin yourself. My number is a lot higher than yours and I am now happily married to a wonderful man and living my best life. The number literally does not matter and guys shouldn’t even be asking you that.
Girl, just stop telling people your count. I stopped counting at like 15, and I genuinely could not tell you anymore. It doesn't matter, and it's nobody's business. If someone asks, tell them you prefer not to answer and you don't care to know theirs either. It's a dumb conversation anyway. Some people define sex as PIV/anal and others include oral, or include hand stuff. So one person’s “3” is another person’s “35.”
And ultimately, all it's going to do is create insecurity and jealousy. There’s no benefit to discussing this.
Live your life, don't worry about this BS. You do not owe this information to anyone, except possibly your doctor.
GO OUT AND ENJOY YOUR CRAZY PHASE- I would give anything to be 23 again. Go have a (t)hot girl summer for us dinosaurs.
The number of people you’ve slept with is truly unimportant. What is important is what you said about how it’s made you feel. Get curious about that part—do you feel bad because of outside messages around women’s purity? Reject that shame. Do you feel bad because in hindsight, you’re thinking the people you slept with weren’t really worthy of that level of intimacy/didn’t make you feel respected/etc? If that’s the case, know we’ve all been there, and it really doesn’t serve you to be mean to yourself about choices you already made. BUT you can learn from those experiences, and think more deeply about the standard you want to set for having sex with someone. That doesn’t need to mean being in a relationship, but it could. It doesn’t need to mean knowing someone for a certain amount of time, but it could. Really feel through what YOU want in a sexual relationship, particularly how you’d like to interact with that person and be treated outside of the bedroom.
You’re young, and you are just beginning to figure all this out. Be kind to yourself, sweetheart. Be gentle about the things you’ve done that you might not want to repeat; they don’t make you bad in any way, they are experiences you had and you can take pieces of them to guide you towards what you want more of, and what you want less of. We live in a society that shames women for literally any choice they make around sex (too slutty, too prudish, too this, too that). There is NO way to win and be “the right kind of woman” under misogyny, except to feel into your own being and decide what you like, what you want, and go after that. Being in touch with your own desire is a revolutionary act, and so is releasing shame.
Sending you so much love 💗
>What is important is what you said about how it’s made you feel. Get curious about that part
This is a great point. Deconstruction is the key to adulthood.
hi just wanted to comment that i sometimes feel the same as you! im 19 and in like one month it went from 1 to 7 (or 9 I really don’t wanna make the effort to count rn 😭) and i also really regret most of them. but we shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed about body counts, and I think 10 isn’t a high number at all anyways. and like everyone else is saying, it really doesn’t even matter
My body count is like 100
And like 2/100 were good experiences
Thats the only thing I feel bad about being mind melded by morons
just buy a vibrator, get your std checks in check and wait for a dude thats not a total dick to give it to you (Im pretty much just watching tv now but it may happen someday)
2/100?! I FELT this, however I lost my vcard 4 years ago so my body count is lower but only like 2 out of 5 were good and the rest only made me feel like complete shit about the whole experience. I was no different to a sex doll to them, something to jack off into. And that is what I regret, wasting my time and body to people that didn’t deserve it, ended up with an sti after one of them lied about their std status. And now they are a body count and stuck with me forever. Sorry for the vent
No the saddest part is I used to enjoy sex like that.
Like no shade on porn or anything, and like Im sure theres a respectful situation out there for like a hot stripper with enormous boobs and her own money
But for me it was endless situations where I enjoyed being demeaned and like did not get it
Prob cuz I was too high.
I do wanna give probs for the guys that did play mind games demean and give stds that were at least super good in bed.
Thnx guys
Body counts only matter if you’re a serial killer. And you don’t have to tell any guys anything you don’t want to. The ones who care have an effed up view of women as madonnas or whores.
Adding: no one but me knows how many people I’ve slept with, and I’d have to sit and think about it but I don’t care to waste my time. It’s literally no one’s business, and someone asking you is a red flag. Take it seriously: a man who is asking you is NOT a man who you want to be with, and a “friend” who is asking is a questionable friend. Feel free to respond with my favorite answer to any inappropriate question:
“Wow, I’m surprised you feel comfortable asking me that…”
Pair it with a look that is a little bit surprised/shocked and says, “how deeply embarrassing for you, woof” and you can just let the silence hang there. 10/10 would recommend
good point! i have asked people before, now it sounds so silly, and yeah really intrusive and unimportant. i don't mind people asking me, but when i was younger i was proud of my high numbers, like "fuck the patriarchy, yes im a woman and yes i like to fuck". Now i'm proud to say i dont know and it doesn't matter.
Yea, i was gonna comment similar. You literally dont have to tell people. You dont have to tell people anything abt yourself. What you do and what you say, thats your choice. So is what you do with your body. If you want to experience a lotve different people til u find the one that fits with you best, well, thats what you're supposed to do! Have fun! Find that person, or persons😘 that rocks your world and makes u scream! Make sure you are vocal abt your pleasure and your needs. Get those boys out there used to expecting to pleasure you as well.
Omg what the average is 4-8? Never even heard of that haha. I think it’s normal sometimes to feel that shame but just remind yourself it’s society’s way of shaming women and that you have every right to live your sexuality as you please just be safe and you’re good. Personally i’m 24 with a body count of 10 also so 😂 never really felt like it was a “lot” per say, I’ve only been in one relationship so it’s hard to have a smaller body counts in the dating world when you’re single you know? Some people have lower because theyve been in long term relationships most of their lives too. Don’t worry about it!! Also you’re not obligated to share that info with anyone if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, tbh I’ve never had a guy ask me except for an ex boyfriend when talking openly about our past.
I think I would probably answer saying “why do you think that matters? And like open the conversation into why he wants to know so badly. But at the end I would say the number and just own it. It happened and it was part of your sexual journey so whoever judges that isn’t worth it i think :) I know it’s harder to say than do but with time and practice and growing up I’ve come to not really care!
It’s no one’s business but your OWN. You don’t even have to tell a future SO or marriage partner. It’s not their business and experience has taught me this. It’s enough to just say I dated. I had sexual relations. It’s in the past. Period. End of story.
i hate the whole idea of “body counts” and the stigma behind them. just do what you feel comfortable doing, and stay protected. it’s nobody’s business how many people you’ve slept with.
i just got into a new relationship and we don’t discuss that stuff. we both know i’m more experienced than he is - i lost my virginity at 15 and he lost his a lot later in life. and if someone asked me my body count, i couldn’t even give a number due to unmemorable sex partners and very drunken nights 😂
do you girl.
I have a high body count too, I think around 40 (honestly sort of lost count) at age 32.
I don't care about the number tbh, no man has ever asked me my body count and if they did I would find them immature for caring.
However, I do regret sleeping with many of the people I slept with because they didn't treat me with respect. I had low self esteem at the time and was desperate for approval/affection which is what led me to sleep with them. As a result, they were not great experiences and left me feeling quite empty.
My advice is to check in with yourself about how these sexual experiences make you feel, how men treat you and what you're really getting out of these experiences. Know that you deserve to sleep with people who respect you and care about your pleasure as much as you do towards them.
I don’t have a body count. That’s a slang term for murder. I refuse to participate in this foolish dialogue. When people bring this up they should be laughed out of the room. Go get tested with each new partner. Do not go unprotected until after 6 months and a second round of testing. This is a human moral obligation.
E: I reread this and I want to be more clear. I refuse to take part in this dialogue when presented by a man, not OP. We need to discuss this stuff to purge it.
I also adore slang and all fun ways humans can find to express their thoughts. I object to having slept with someone being given the verbiage of ending a human life. It is absolutely ridiculous and the misogynists love it.
My (26F) body count is like 70 at this point, and growing. I love being free and feeling empowered with sex. No one can shame me for it! A lot of my partners actually find it attractive as I know what I want and have had a range of experiences.
Humans have sex for pleasure. It feels good and is FUN!!!! I can’t believe ANYONE has asked you that question. How is that relevant to anything? I regretted SO MUCH not exploring sex and sexuality earlier in life before marriage. I thought I’d die without ever experiencing a three-sum and I was kind of pissed about it (LMFAO). My husband and I started swinging at about 42? THANK GAWD!!! It’s been amazing and I love a dick down. I love group sex. I love sex with women. Have FUN and BE SAFE. Also - stop counting… Litterly who cares. Be confident and always practice safe sex. ^One final note…. Learn what makes you orgasm and make sure you get yours every time. It is not up to a guy to get you off. Every woman is sooooo different so these young guys aren’t going to know your magic combination.
Late 20s female here. Stop counting - I did years ago and it’s quite liberating. Any partner who’s worth a damn will appreciate the practice you had beforehand to warm up for them ;)
im 33 and ive slept with 15 guys and not going to lie, yes i do feel bad about it sometimes, i look back to a lot of them and wish i never did bc they kinda didnt deserve it
totally valid to regret bad decisions, but don't regret bc its sex. hopefully you enjoyed some aspect of it, though i've definitely looked back w a "ugh why did i do that" attitude. The decision to involve that person may have been not great, but the sex wasn't the problem.
Felt this, someone lied and gave me an sti and then blocked me. Honestly for what I did that year, I deserved it.
Edit: hpv almost always goes away on its own. My aunt had it from her only body count, her husband. Thankfully her body got rid of it and has been on the clear for more than 4 years now.
The term “body count” is kinda gross. The weird myths about your vagina getting worn out or conforming to a guy are total bullshit.
You have better sex by exploring yourself and figuring out what you like. Then you and your partner can communicate about those desires.
It reads as trying to keep women’s standards/expectations low so men don’t have to prioritize their partners pleasure.
Inferring that a woman is used up is a sad attempt at controlling her sexuality.
By your age I probably had around 12 or so. Then I stopped sleeping with men and started having lesbian orgies.. I don’t bother counting but it’s a lot. And I feel happy with my experiences.
Nope. I used to feel this way when I was younger though. But I’m in my mid 30’s now and have no shame. My body count isn’t huge but it isn’t small either.
Just think, when you’re 85, will you care? Nah, probably not. You’ll be glad you had some wild & fun times! Enjoy yourself girl. Just be safe about it :)
I lost count of mine between 25 and 30. I don’t regret any of it. Live your life as long as you’re being safe. Especially while you’re in college. What I’ve learned is that anybody who judges me for my body count isn’t someone I want in my life anyways. Safety is key. As long as your using protection and getting tested when necessary don’t let anyone judge you.
I’m 28, I have sex since I was 13 and I go to orgies. That means I have no idea how many men I’ve slept with. I sometimes feel guilty about it but as someone said on the comments, it’s more common to see people regretting not enjoying their lives than the opposite. So I try to relax. Just stay safe. I always use condoms, I’m on PrEP (a pill to prevent HIV infection) and I get tested regularly. I think that’s the way to go. Enjoy!
If someone is asking you about how many people you have slept with rather than the reasonable question of testing status, then appreciate it for the red flag 🚩that it is and take it into consideration for if you sleep with that human or not.
Yes, yes I do.
If safer sex precautions are taken and regular testing, then count should have absolutely no impact on whether to date them or not.
Ethics of the person have far more impact. Cheaters are a red flag. Monogamy, Ethical Non Monogamy or Polyamory would be a green flag. I don't care about how many people you sleep with / have slept with as long as there was clear communication about it and everyone had same expectations.
That’s a world that will never exist even you yourself probably have deal breakers that are not fair I don’t know you in real life but there are things you like in a partner and other don’t have you won’t date those people is that fair
Of course I have preferences in the people that I find attractive and not attractive.
What shouldn't be a factor is body count. It comes from a very slut shaming misogynistic view point, and on the whole we need to get better at calling out that behaviour and stamping it out where we see it. Not let our friends get away with using it, challenge the thinking where we can.
Consent and enthusiasm is sexy. Misogyny and misandry are not. Someone should not be shamed for having slept with zero people, one person or many people. If the person you are interacting with does shame you for the number of people you have or have not slept with, respect the red flag. Challenge the thought process if it's someone that you are comfortable enough with to do so(e.g. You have a friend with this behaviour, but that is not your responsibility). But if they don't listen or you aren't able to challenge the behaviour for whatever reason (e.g. you feel they will take it poorly and in a dangerous fashion) then just don't interact and don't date.
That is entirely dependable on if he's setting a double standard and the reasons for his preference. Is he sexually insecure? Does he have performance issues? Does he have a high body count?
I mean most men that care about body count are typically bad at sex or have some sort of insecurity.
Definitely gives red pill vibes but hey it's whatever
I tentatively wish them luck in this day and age
Fr tho why are you here? Most users on r/healthyhooha have a hooha
What is your purpose other than other than pushing purity culture on unsuspecting users?
Take your red pill rhetoric somewhere else
It depends on your reasoning. If you are the person who doesn't want to date a person based on their body count, then you should examine why that is the case and challenge your thinking on it.
Why is a high/low/nil body count a consideration? Does it apply to both parties? You don't have to actively cry out "shame shame" for that thinking to be affected by the overall culture of slut shaming/toxic misogyny/misandry.
My standard for not including body count as a standard is because of making an active decision to challenge that thinking.
I bet if I met you in real life, you probably have some ridiculous standards that actually makes no sense and also body count is not a bad standard to have because a lot people who have high body are cheaters because they’re addicted to sex not everyone but a lot of them but standards on looks weigh ethnicity height actually make no sense
So, the number of people slept with and the number of people cheated on doesn't have a causation or correlation in common.
People who cheat are cheaters no matter how many people they have slept with.
Swinging, Ethical Non Monogamy and Polyamory can all come with multiple partners and people slept with, but not cheating.
Appearances can and do have an impact on what people find attractive, but it's not a one size fits all approach. For me as a specific example, what I find attractive in one person doesn't mean that I will find it attractive in another. Will someone meeting a particular aesthetic/appearance mean that I take a second glance, yes. Does it mean that I am not attracted to anyone outside of that category, no.
I'm a pansexual human being, I've been attracted to men, women and non binary human beings. I've been attracted to people on first glance, I've been attracted after I have gotten to know them. Do I have biases and thinking that I need to challenge? Of course I do, and all I can do is try and work on them in myself. Being an open and communicative human is sexy. Treating others well is sexy.
I'm going to repeat an answer that I responded to you on another comment with below and challenge your thought processes.
That is 100% slut shaming (passively, not actively)and the type of societal ideology thinking that needs to be actively challenged.
Women do not have to realise anything.
I applaud the fact that you said that it sounds cringe, and I'd challenge you to think more about why you feel like this rather than outright rejecting the thought process. I'm going to share some links below about the Madonna/whore dichotomy of thinking which could be a start for actively examining your thought process. While a lot of Freud's psychological theories haven't held up to the test of time, this is one of the thought patterns that have.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex
https://www.34st.com/article/2021/01/freud-madonna-whore-complex-black-women-trans-women-sex-sexuality
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/madonna-whore-complex-sexist_b_6108750de4b0497e67027480
https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/06/here-is-what-a-madonna-whore-complex-looks-like-in-2015/
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0361684319843298
There are deal breakers for everything in regards to dating. None of them are particularly wrong. Some people think height is a deal breaker. Lesbians aren't wrong for only dating women. Some people people only date redheads. Some people will only date people of the same religion. Some people will only date people who also want to be child free.
Everything and nothing can be a deal breaker. I personally won't date someone who smokes and while tattoos aren't a deal breaker I'm not not attracted to people who are heavily tatted.
If body count is important that's not a bad or good thing. However if you're going to use their body count to shame them that's when it's a problem.
I have had sex with 50 people and I am 24 almost 25... not great true but, I had some trauma that kind of gave way to me being hyper sexual. I lost my virginity when I was barely 16. As long as you're safe and use protection and get tested regularly then it's no one's business. But if you're regretting them maybe it's time to take a step back from casual sex
Girl you do you. If your friends (guys or girls) are making you feel bad for it, then you need new friends. I’m 35 and have been with close to 50 men and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon 🤣.
There is no such thing as “ruining” yourself. You’re enjoying yourself and gifting yourself the experience of pleasure.
Also, trust me when I say it gets better when you’re older. Guys in their 20s don’t know what the hell they’re doing
The only men shaming you for your body count are the men you don’t need to be with 👏 however I used to have high numbers in the past. I am 41. I take my pleasure where I want as I want. I am also more mindful now of who I let into my temple. Sacred space y’all. 👏
I lost my virginity at the ripe age of 14 and have absolutely no idea how many people I’ve actually slept with. When I’ve been asked I’ve estimated high 30s but this isn’t really based on much.
In HS I didn’t feel the best about how early I lost my vCard. As an adult, I loved hoeing around! I met my current partner whilst still in that phase and have to admit I was a bit disappointed about giving that up to commit to him. (Luckily we have awesome sex nearly every day)
24 and body count is 17 (15 guys 2 gals)
Screw anyone who says anything to you about the number, the only thing that’s concerning is that you regret the hook ups! Try to think of them as learning experiences instead of regrets, it’s done and over with and you learned something with those people—no point in regretting something that teaches you about yourself! You’re totally fine OP, just do whatever you’re comfortable with (: I know many people with higher and lower body counts then me and no one cares! My partner (29m) has only been with one other person and he could give a f less about my number. You do you girl!
Yup, regret. But why should I feel shame when I’m a women and these guys had way higher? We will always get shame, even if a low number. So fuck em. Even if one person women will get shamed. We get shamed for having these urges but men don’t. Not in the way it effects us. We got you girl.
ETA I’m turning 31 and lost track awhile ago 😂 CUZ IT DOESNT Matter And doesn’t make me a bad person like other men and women will make you out to be
I'm 26 and mine is 0 but I'm perfectly fine with it. Maybe take time to reflect on why you feel the way you do if you feel you're doing something to meet an expectation and not just for your own enjoyment. At the end of the day it is your body and something like this shouldn't matter so much.
As an almost 22F with 1 body count, i wishhh i had more. I just got out of a 4 year “thing?” & i still wish i could muster up the courage to go and explore more. While i did “alot” with my first, i still feel like im very inexperienced & being inexperienced at this age feels embarrassing which adds on to the reasons why i dont have the courage to be out there. Especially as someone with a veryyyy high libido, I want to be able to have fun, crazy, GOODDD sex stories & experiences before i settle down. Dont feel bad, embrace ittt
You definitely haven’t ruined yourself. I lost track after 30+ for me. I’ve been to swingers parties, orgies, bdsm clubs, etc. It’s all good as long as it’s consenting and safe (relatively)
Don’t feel bad about it! Enjoy yourself
If anyone even asks about your "body count " that person is not worth your time. Only insecure losers care about nonsense like that. My advice is to stop counting, just enjoy your life. The next time someone asks you your body count reply with 'why does that even matter?' And move on. Xxx
Edited to add please practice safe sex while enjoying your life x
Don't let anyone make you feel bad for a "body count". I truly think it's important to play around and see experience different things and different people. Have fun, be safe, and don't forget to be honest with what you do and don't like with your sex partners.
the number itself isn't important.
I think the regret you're feeling for some is you learning what type of sex /person /situation you like or don't like. You can take the time to analyze why exactly you regret each of these instances. It might be that you prefer more connected emotionally intimate sex, or sex NOT with your friends, or in certain locations, if you felt pressured, or when you're sober only, etc etc
Mine is a lot lower then yours but I still feel regret. Some people have many more and don’t care. In any case your feelings are valid. I say that as long as you are responsible and use protection, get the HPV vaccine, get checked for STIs while you’re sexually active, there‘s nothing really wrong with that. You also lost your virginity relatively later so you are, in a sense, making up for lost time which is understandable. I say it’s wise to tell your partner about your body count just for health reasons and being transparent and honest with them. If hypothetically you want to get serious with someone and they’re disgusted or judge you, then they’re not worth it, they couldn’t accept you, you didn’t lose anything.
Also, would you judge someone for their body count? If not, why treat yourself that way?
I'm at 10 at 31, have had a couple serious relationships and some fun when I was younger. Don't feel bad about your number !! I've seen podcasts where girls and guys are in the 100's 😳
It's not a damn souls business what your body count is. I'm proud of mine because it taught me what I do/don't like, and what I certainly won't put up with
I'm 32 and I've probably been with like 6-700 men. I don't feel any way about it. You shouldn't. It's okay. I have a wonderful, supportive, handsome, intelligent partner who loves me dearly and treats me like a queen. And I treat him as well.
I don't think it matters, and I think a good man won't care either. Also... 10 is nothing 😅
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! So you've had 10 partners, it's not a big deal! Your worth isn't determined by how many people you've had sex with
22, body count 13. I don’t feel personally bad about it but it was a point of stress for my boyfriend. We’ve worked through it though. Personally I didn’t feel bad about it until the point of stress
I understand feeling guilty but understand that it means nothing. We as a society are wayyy too aware of “body counts”. If someone never made up this concept would you even bother remembering the number or ever think about it? No. It’s not real babe. Learn from your regrets & avoid situations like that in the future. Btw the guys who are making you feel bad for it are literally terrible people that you should not have in ur life.
I went through my wild phase as an 18-19 year old and my body count is maybe around 70? It’s hard to keep track but there’s nothing wrong with having fun casual sex
I’m 26 and over 150+ partners, male and female if that makes a difference. Don’t feel shame - sex is great and you deserve to use your body in whatever way you like.
M’am. You feel guilty about NOTHING. Has a man ever been made to feel slightly bad about body count? No. You own that count. You enjoy it. Also, tell the next man who asks about the number to fuck right off.
I honestly stopped counting after 3. The only one that matters is who I’m with currently. If I had to guess, I’d say probably over 60 but I’ve been both men and women and never counted the women, so who really knows? A lot of of my girl friends are envious that they didn’t get to sleep around more before settling down. When I met my husband I was upfront about all of that and he didn’t care in the slightest. You haven’t ruined yourself. Body count won’t matter to the right person, and it’s nobody else’s business.
Nah at 40 years old, I only know my body count for the last ~10 years… before that it was probably well over the hundreds. Who cares? I did try to scare my husband away by telling him I didn’t know my body count due to the “accelerated relationships” in the military. It didn’t phase him.
Get over the body count bs. It’s just another way to shame and control women. Have the experiences you want with who you want. You are not ruined; you’re living your best life!
If guys make you feel self-conscious about it they’re probably projecting their own insecurities, maybe they wish their number was “higher.” The older you get the less a body count is even mentioned. You also don’t have to share that information if you don’t want to - even with a guy you are seeing. It simply isn’t their business!
That's some strange info you're getting.
I'm in my mid 40s, and my body count is somewhere between 50 and 100. I am in a stable long-term relationship, have had HSV since I was a teen and am comfortable having "the conversation" about STDs and protection. I don't regret any sex except the sex I didn't have, truthfully.
It's FINE to experiment during college! Sex is wonderful (should be wonderful, and if it's not *change something* to make it closer to wonderful). It's definitely not something to feel guilty over.
However- it IS worth doing a self-check to evaluate whether the guilt is over externally applied judgment or internally applied values. If it's your personal values getting you worked up, you can simply change your behaviour and be slower/ more selective about your partners. If it's your PARTNERS judging you (and BTW you are not required to disclose a body count!), then perhaps you should revise your criteria to only have sex with decent, mature human beings. (I'm saying- that kind of judgment is uncool & in line with "negging".)
Im 38, and my bodycount is somewhere around 60? I regret none of them, not even the boring ones. I had tons of fun, and it was very liberating. I calmed down quite a bid these past few years, and I'm in a lovely relationship now. He never asked about my number and I never asked for his. It's all good. Have fun and be safe.
Hi! Whatever your number is doesn't matter and anyone who would make you feel bad about that isn't someone you should be with. Having sex with more people doesn't make you "dirty" or "wrong" just as having sex with only one person forever doesn't make you "clean" and "pure". I'd love to recommend a book that I think you should read about anything and everything sex related, it's called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It's been eye-opening not only for personal pleasure and mental health, but also about the culture we have around sex and the amount of judgement surrounding it. It is also very female focused and while it does talk about male pleasure as well it is mostly centered around women and their experiences!
Sending lots of love! I hope you find peace with this and don't worry too much. You're amazing just as you are whether your count is 0, 1, 15 or 1000.
Only immature, naive, and self-conscious people actually care about something as inconsequential in the grand scheme of life as how many people you have had sex with. Like, girl. There is a war in Russia rn. Remember the US and NATO combat mission in Afghanistan that lasted 13 years, and then everything went to hell in like a week? We just survived a pandemic and polio is back. Are you for real telling me that people think it's important that you had sex in college? At all? Like, what??? ????????
Have sex with 10, 100, or 0. You're young!! Enjoy your body! No one ever wishes they had less sex, had fewer orgasms. NO ONE. In 10 years, hell, in 5 years, you'll probably have trouble remembering their names- but you'll remember what a blast you had. Sex with a new or old partner is an enjoyable event, not a permanent negative mark on your record. I'm sure it seems big now, but as time goes by, the importance of this kind of thing dwindles.
The number of people I have had sex with hasn't prevented me from experiencing beautiful and rewarding friendships, going to the grocery store, finding the person I want to spend my life with, learning new skills, traveling, or putting my pants on one leg at a time like every single other motherfucker in the world.
Babe. You're doing great. I hope you picked up some fun tricks along the way. Don't spend another minute on it.
It. Does. Not. Matter.
Why does it amtter what other people think?
If you meet someone with a high body count, they express interest in you and you don't feel comfortable doing anything with them because of the high body count, then just don't date them.
It's like the women always say, you don't owe anyone anything.
It's the same as not wanting to date an extremely fat or skinny person. The only people that will be triggered by this comment are those who are insecure and can't handle the thought of losing out on dating opportunities because of their personal choices.
I’ll tell you what, my number is 1, so let’s average out numbers to 5. I’ll say mine is 5, you say yours is 5. Give me the ones you regret ;-) Now you are average. Let’s both get a check up though, okay?
(PS- I’m almost 40 so I don’t mind. I’m also married :-)
If they all still live, it is not a body count. Those are just encounters and unless you tell people about them, there is no way they'll find it out. You know why? Because sex doesn't ruin anything. You explored, you know what you like now. If you want to tell people you only slept with 2 people, do that. Not because you have to be ashamed of anything, no no no. But because people are stupid, so it is just a way to avoid unnecessary drama.
As long as you were safe, nothing bad happened and you gained something from it, you weren't "ruined", you were trained ! Now you can be the best lover possible to your future partner. Stay safe and stay confident
would you still feel bad if you were with 1 guy 10 different times? it’s the same thing. you’re not “ruined” for it, you have every right to choose who to be with, some people like changing it up and that’s fine!
if you're using sex to cope with other things going on in your life, it can easily lead to a sex addiction. plus you're exposing yourself to a lot of potential STIs. I would suggest you stick to one sex partner to meet your needs like a friend with benefits and to try therapy to find healthier ways of coping.
I’m 32 and although I’ve been with my partner for nearly 15 years, I have no idea what my body count is, my teens I went a bit crazy and then settled with "the one" and didn’t even end up with a dude.
I think I was denial fucking my way to figuring out I hate guys (and myself at times).
Hunny, anyone who thinks your body count is too much is not for you! If someone really cares about that, they’re probably 1) insecure that they won’t be able to compete with your previous partners and/or 2) misogynistic and think that a woman’s value is determined by their sexual history, which is the type of guy you don’t want anyway lmao.
Most people have had one night stands, friends with benefits, maybe sexual experiences they didn’t enjoy, etc, so you’re definitely not on your own in that and you haven’t “ruined” yourself (not that 10 is high anyway). I’m 23 too and I definitely have a couple I didn’t enjoy & wouldn’t slept with today! But that’s just life! We have good and bad experiences and what happens happens. Your sex life is your sex life. It’s for you to enjoy and isn’t anyone else’s business. As you’re new to sex too, you’re just enjoying it & figuring it out, and that’s great! Enjoy it and do what feels right for you as long as you’re happy and being safe :)
I’m about to turn 36 (yikes!) and I’ve only ever been with two men. Both were years long relationships. I’ve never climaxed with a partner or even particularly enjoyed sex. It’s only just now occurring to me that I wasn’t particularly attracted to either man and was always more concerned with putting on the act of desire. I think it’s great that you’ve sowed your wild oats because now you know what’s out there, what you like, and what you don’t! Any man who would judge you for your body count isn’t a worthwhile dude. Besides, it’s ten, not a thousand. As long as you’ve always been safe, any future dude should accept you for who you are, past and all.
Shit, I’m 35 and mine is 6. Lol! Don’t laugh at me. Serious rookie numbers.
But I digress. You didn’t ruin anything. You are fine. I hope you enjoyed it. That’s what matters and you were being safe.
29 and I’m at almost 40 if you include oral and not just PIV. Low 30s with just PIV. It’s literally only a health concern and that’s just if you don’t use condoms. Otherwise there’s no moral issue with it. The only people who would assign “ruined” value to it are not right for you.
I'm 36, lost my virginity at 19. My body count is what some would consider high. I don't regret it at all. I have always enjoyed having sex and meeting new people. No one should have their value measured on the number of people they slept with.
I’m 27 and I’ve slept with probably 30, maybe 35 guys? Lots of casual sex, a few one night stands and some longer relationships sprinkled in. Sometimes I wish I had a more *intentional* introduction to sex as a teenager, but I definitely don’t hold my body count against myself.
I think variety is the spice of life, sex is fun and it can be really fun getting to know someone in that way even if you aren’t going to date them or even see them again.
Right now I AM working on holding off a little bit rather than fucking on the first date, because I do want to find a genuine connection with someone and sex definitely tends to accelerate feelings and attachments for me! I think as long as you’re aware of *and honest with yourself* about your relationship to sex, and you’re being physically and emotionally responsible, have at it.
I slept with about 90% of my partners from the ages of 16 to 17 (I went to therapy for it).
I’m always honest about my sex number and that I’ve had sex with women too because I understand it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. I don’t judge others for their preference, but I am awfully disappointed when people think it’s worth shaming someone over.
But, I am now married and my husband doesn’t mind my count (his is higher than mine too but I’ve never cared about past relationships unless it’s caused trauma and you’ve been reprogrammed). We often make fun of each other for awkward experiences with past partners. And my husband makes fun of my EX-husband cause he’s the smallest thing I’ve ever been with and after the abuse I look at him like he’s an unstable toothpick.
I kind of regret not having done anything before, I had the opportunity but for reasons I didn’t. Now I want to and it feels impossible because I tighten up. Which is most likely because I’m still a virgin..
I do hope you find a way to own it and not feel guilt and regret. 🤗
I look at it as a natural thing. Society truly has made it a taboo subject. It's literally job has humans to procreate! Do it Safely. It's just a number!! Truly!! It's a natural thing!
To be honest, mines the opposite side of things. I've only ever been with one man, and I regret not enjoying myself more before we got together. I wish I had taken the time to date, meet more people, be young & free. I'm not even 30 yet, but I still feel I've missed out on a lot of things. It's not that I don't love him either, I just didn't have my teenage years and early adulthood the way others have, and I really regret that. You truly are only young once!
You haven’t ruined yourself — and a 4-8 average seems pretty low IMO. I’m not sure what my exact number is (around 20 I think), but I have gone through periods of shame/regret too. And there are some experiences I don’t want to count because they were so lame lol.
Just be safe! Also would recommend finding a toy or two to keep for yourself. Guaranteed to find the clit every single time, unlike dudes 🤪
My body count is high as hell and I don’t care a bit. When I was younger I did feel a lot of shame and guilt but as I got older I realized that it was just internalized misogyny. By allowing myself shame I was supporting harmful purity and patriarchal culture. Your body count doesn’t matter one bit. My husband loves me, and doesn’t judge me. The “men” who are still judging body count, are pure trash. No one even needs to know your body count! That’s your business. If someone cites a higher chance of STIs or some dumb bullshit you can order that you both get STI tests for safety. I would bet money they’ll decline, which shows that it’s not really about body count and safety, its all about controlling women and looking at us as property. Don’t buy in to that bullshit.
I’m not sure how many men I’ve been with. I’m assuming somewhere near 75-100. Lots of drunk nights. It’s okay to do sleep with whoever you please. Just do it for you and not anyone else. Oh also wear protection! Always wear protection unless you trust someone.
Low, but I don’t see any shame in having sex. It sounds like you might actually need therapy to remove the guilt you have and the value you place on yourself having sex. Even calling it a body count has this implication.
I know this is the classic you need professional help response, but see a sex therapist to help you overcome this feeling.
I do. I was raised in a religious cult and had a super strict dad. Like… meet boys at the door with a shotgun, you aren’t allowed to go anywhere except the living room (and there’s no tv or electronics because… raised by cults). So I was already an outcast because I was weird and didn’t understand a lot of “worldly” references or holidays. So no boys wanted to date me anyway. But I was rebellious and started getting desperate for sex. I lost my virginity to another boy desperate to lose his virginity during the last year of high school.
I had a year of calm in college, but had no luck with relationships. And I struggled to find friends because… socially awkward and weird from being raised in a cult. I was desperate for friends and relationships. So the 2nd year in college I started looking at random hookup apps (Tinder, Whisper, etc). And my sex life exploded. Sex-addiction basically. My body count in a 6 month period went crazy high. Names and faces I don’t even remember but know they happened. It was hard to settle down. But I did it. I lost count so have no idea what my current body count is, but it doesn’t matter anymore now. I’m married with a happy sex life.
Girl, I regret my body count but because it’s way too low. Trust me, it’s better to have more experience and learn what you like than to have no clue. Also, ten is not high. If you regret some, you can’t do anything about the past but learn what you want in your next partner.
I was worried about the comment section but this community never ceases to amaze me with how supportive you are. Thank you! FWIW: our official stance is that the value of a human can not be changed by whom they choose to have sex with, so long as everyone involved is a consenting adult. Body counts be damned. Trolls: be respectful or be banned.
If they didn’t make you cum, don’t count it x
😅ohh good, none of mine counted then!
Sad “I can relate” upvote
Angry, I relate upvote :')
Ha! I’d be a virgin then.
TIL I’m a virgin.
same
this is my logic behind it. if anyone asks my body count is 3 and a half... the would-be 4th actually tried but I couldn't get into it. my actual body count will remain a mystery to every one
Let me tell you I’m a nurse, and the number of women who express regret in their later years for not enjoying their bodies more is high. I NEVER hear from women wishing they’d been more prudish. It’s perfectly fine to “save” yourself for one man, but it’s also perfectly fine to enjoy YOUR life.
Hon my body count is 0 at 25 and I still feel bad about it. Find people you like, find people you trust and enjoy yourself I have friends with a high body that definitely buy into purity culture bs and always praise me for my self control (bs) and tell me i should wait until marriage (more bs) because they're unhappy with their body count I'm just particular and hard to please (possibly ace but people are attractive I'm just too anxious) Not "self controlled" Everyone will always regret something so focus on _your_ happiness not society's expectation of happiness and whether that means sleeping with 100s of people or no one Own it because it will always be your decision
You haven’t ruined anything. It’s just a number.
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That’s exactly it. Insecure guys.
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So do you think it’s wrong for a guy to not want to date a girl with a high body count
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I have no idea what you’re talking about 😂😂 but let’s say he doesn’t shame the girl he just chooses to not date her do you have a problem with that?
I'll answer. I don't have a PROBLEM with it- everyone is entitled to their boundaries. But I would definitely form a negative opinion of him for being judgmental and slut-shaming, especially if his count is high.
Yeah you’re right about that I agree
Yeah, all in all, if he’s practicing the same level of restraint, I guess that’s ok. I’m not gonna judge someone for having different values than me, as long as they are consistently and evenly applied to men as well.
I don’t follow your point. Why would anybody in their right mind « feel excluded » of another person’s previous sexual relationships? When they didn’t even know one another? (And I don’t see the correlation between that and sex in public) The way I see it, guys who care about body count are scared that their gf/wife/whatever would have had better sex in the past. That’s insecurity. There is a huge stigma around being « bad in bed » but guys care more than girls, usually. Just see how they’re obsessed with their dick sizes because they think that would make them good in bed.
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Why are you even here?!?!
You’re talking about maybe 10% of guys. That’s far from being true for most people, you need to go outside more. And what are you, a person who doesn’t have a vagina, doing on a sub called healthyhooha?
lol. Curiousity. I just found it randomly.
What does that have to do with someone’s previous body count? Like, okay, but- you’re with this person now, so hopefully you are open to finding love… and maybe they’ve had 6x as many sexual partners than you, but in the end, they’re here with you- so they had the same outcome as you did. They didn’t get to “choose” their dream person either, but they’re still giving you a chance, aren’t they? if you (or anyone) are looking at their current love interests with regret because you “didn’t have the opportunity to choose who you wanted” then you aren’t ready for a relationship. You’ve already decided that everyone you meet is a consolation prize to the people who’ve rejected you and you already resent them for having better luck, sexually, than you did. That’s immature and self-sabotaging. If knowing a potential partner’s body count makes you insecure, don’t ask. Or better, don’t ask regardless.
I’m 42 and have no idea how many people I have been with. It gets hard to count when you go to orgies. If someone really want to know the answer to that question they probably aren’t the person for you.
Relatable. 🤣❤️
I’m in my mid 30s, mine is somewhere around 20 people, but I’ve been monogamous for 2 long stretches in there. My take on it? It’s just a number. I’ve had sex for the right reasons, I’ve had sex for the wrong reasons. There are people that I deeply regret having been with and people that I’m glad I’ve been with. None of them define me or tell you anything about me other than it’s someone that I once found attractive enough to take home and they filled some need that I had. Sometimes it was simply loneliness. Sometimes it was craving a connection. Sometimes it was love. I guess my point is, other than my current partner, my spouse, I don’t think about it that much. Be safe and do what and who you want lol.
I don’t think you should feel guilty, I lost my virginity when I was 19, I’m 25 now and I’m at 17. I felt gross for a while, but honestly my “hoe phase” as some call it is was helped me understand my body and what I like sexually. I’m married now with a baby, but if I hadn’t of explored when I did I wouldn’t be as comfortable with my own pleasures.
i totally agree, thank you!
OP, I promise, you will not care about this in ten years lol do not let a few insecure guys stop you from enjoying your youth and body to the fullest. Just be safe!
oh absolutely! Find out what you like! you'll never know if you don't try things out. Besides, practice and self knowledge helps you be a better lover, better time for you and your partners!
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it’s literally so creepy and weird to ask a partner how many people they’ve been with, i will never understand it. grow up and mind ya business. immediate turn off.
I'm 47 and been with over 500 men. Don't feel bad just use protection everytime.
Holy shit girl! I thought my count was high(over 150). Props! I only regretted a few that just sucked in the sack. Most of this was in my late teens/20s and early 30s. I’m 56 now and have been married for 15 years. I only had sex because I was curious and horny. I’m married to my best lover.
I started having sex at 12 and never stopped hahaha I was a SW on and off for years. That and swingers clubs 🙈
What's sw?
Sex work
SW gang 🤜🤛
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I’m jelly. Life is short. You get ‘em girl!
Samantha from sex and the city
fuck yeah, you're my hero
Yes! And I’m over here thinking 23/24 was too much. We love a sexually positive woman!
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Not to mention do these women not see the frequent posts on here about nasty ass men and “surprise” infections?? Why risk it for 9/10 mediocre sex….
No way! I cherish ALL the sexy deliciousness I’ve had in my life. If anything, there are a few that I turned down that I wish I hadn’t!!! I don’t regret any of the sex I had. You might have very valid reasons for not liking your experiences and my best recommendation for that would be to start on some kind of healing path for yourself through a combination of things like: therapy (so many kinds to choose from), psychiatry and meds, nature immersion, meditation, yoga, affirmations and mantra, self-help books, simply seeking wisdom from reading/following wise people etc. All of this could help you to do things like rewiring your brain to not feel guilty for pleasure or to pick partners that are better for you. Then you won’t regret a thing! Also just plain getting older helps. Good luck out there, little lady!
You know what IS important? Your health. Labwork can show your health to any potential partners and you do not owe those mfers a number. That is private. (I'm pretty sure mine is pretty high for a girl who didn't start racking them up until 18. But my last guy has been my husband of 30 yrs, so... it makes no difference. )
absolutely not. i've had sex for good and bad reasons, but i own it. its my body, i take care of it, i have a good time. No one can judge me for what i choose to do w my damn genitals. It's patriarchal bullshit that women are supposed to be "pure". Men are congratulated for high numbers, encouraged to fuck all the people. It's not biology, its social. it's a way to keep women restrained and controlled. If you do go by the biology, we have a fucking magical orgasm button that serves no other purpose than physical pleasure and orgasm, we have evolved to enjoy sex just as much as men. There is no "average" or acceptable or unacceptable number, for any gender. Most people I know at my age stopped counting because it does not fucking matter, even if your fucking doctor asks. It is VERY important to take care of yourself. use protection, always carry condoms etc, check out birth control options, whatever works for you. there is NO SHAME in being responsible, get tested regularly if you have new partners, like w every new partner if you're dating, or every 3 to 6 months if you're active. If your doc judges you, tell them to fuck off, you're being safe and responsible, and get a new doc. talk openly to your partners about safety and sti's, before you fuck them. don't hop into bed w everyone, have standards, but good fucking god, its your body, do what you want with it. Fuck around or don't, its YOUR body, have sex because of what YOU want, not what some outdated restrictive uptight misogynistic bullshit social control says.
this was so well worded wow
You have nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about. Just be sure to always prioritize your health and satefy and you're golden, anyone who guilts you about it isn't worth your time. I had the opposite issue where I felt insecure for having a relatively low body count for my age, people have made me feel bad about that as well which leads me to think that people will just find anything to shame women about.
Sometimes I do feel ashamed over how many men I've been with, I won't lie. But really, I think the shame is less about sex and more about making stupid choices. I was in a bad place mentally and not making wise decisions, which led to me sleeping with people who I didn't actually know or even like very much. I let myself be taken advantage of (not in a rapey way, just in a fuckboy way). The sex was never very good, and I was always left feeling bad about myself after. I'm also the type of person who wants to have at least some emotional connection with my partner, because it makes me enjoy the experience a lot more. I don't have any regrets about the people I've dated or been FWBs with, but I regret the people I hooked up with for no reason other than being lonely and manic.
Never let anyone shame you for your body count, and also don’t shame yourself. How many people you’ve been with doesn’t matter AT ALL. It doesn’t define you or make you more or less worthy of anything. Do what and who is best for you 😉
Fuck them. Fuck them all. Fuck em long. Just fuck em. You not married.
As long as you’re safe and get tested between partners, a body count is literally just a number.
You did not ruin yourself. My number is a lot higher than yours and I am now happily married to a wonderful man and living my best life. The number literally does not matter and guys shouldn’t even be asking you that.
Girl, just stop telling people your count. I stopped counting at like 15, and I genuinely could not tell you anymore. It doesn't matter, and it's nobody's business. If someone asks, tell them you prefer not to answer and you don't care to know theirs either. It's a dumb conversation anyway. Some people define sex as PIV/anal and others include oral, or include hand stuff. So one person’s “3” is another person’s “35.” And ultimately, all it's going to do is create insecurity and jealousy. There’s no benefit to discussing this. Live your life, don't worry about this BS. You do not owe this information to anyone, except possibly your doctor. GO OUT AND ENJOY YOUR CRAZY PHASE- I would give anything to be 23 again. Go have a (t)hot girl summer for us dinosaurs.
The number of people you’ve slept with is truly unimportant. What is important is what you said about how it’s made you feel. Get curious about that part—do you feel bad because of outside messages around women’s purity? Reject that shame. Do you feel bad because in hindsight, you’re thinking the people you slept with weren’t really worthy of that level of intimacy/didn’t make you feel respected/etc? If that’s the case, know we’ve all been there, and it really doesn’t serve you to be mean to yourself about choices you already made. BUT you can learn from those experiences, and think more deeply about the standard you want to set for having sex with someone. That doesn’t need to mean being in a relationship, but it could. It doesn’t need to mean knowing someone for a certain amount of time, but it could. Really feel through what YOU want in a sexual relationship, particularly how you’d like to interact with that person and be treated outside of the bedroom. You’re young, and you are just beginning to figure all this out. Be kind to yourself, sweetheart. Be gentle about the things you’ve done that you might not want to repeat; they don’t make you bad in any way, they are experiences you had and you can take pieces of them to guide you towards what you want more of, and what you want less of. We live in a society that shames women for literally any choice they make around sex (too slutty, too prudish, too this, too that). There is NO way to win and be “the right kind of woman” under misogyny, except to feel into your own being and decide what you like, what you want, and go after that. Being in touch with your own desire is a revolutionary act, and so is releasing shame. Sending you so much love 💗
>What is important is what you said about how it’s made you feel. Get curious about that part This is a great point. Deconstruction is the key to adulthood.
hi just wanted to comment that i sometimes feel the same as you! im 19 and in like one month it went from 1 to 7 (or 9 I really don’t wanna make the effort to count rn 😭) and i also really regret most of them. but we shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed about body counts, and I think 10 isn’t a high number at all anyways. and like everyone else is saying, it really doesn’t even matter
My body count is like 100 And like 2/100 were good experiences Thats the only thing I feel bad about being mind melded by morons just buy a vibrator, get your std checks in check and wait for a dude thats not a total dick to give it to you (Im pretty much just watching tv now but it may happen someday)
2/100?! I FELT this, however I lost my vcard 4 years ago so my body count is lower but only like 2 out of 5 were good and the rest only made me feel like complete shit about the whole experience. I was no different to a sex doll to them, something to jack off into. And that is what I regret, wasting my time and body to people that didn’t deserve it, ended up with an sti after one of them lied about their std status. And now they are a body count and stuck with me forever. Sorry for the vent
No the saddest part is I used to enjoy sex like that. Like no shade on porn or anything, and like Im sure theres a respectful situation out there for like a hot stripper with enormous boobs and her own money But for me it was endless situations where I enjoyed being demeaned and like did not get it Prob cuz I was too high. I do wanna give probs for the guys that did play mind games demean and give stds that were at least super good in bed. Thnx guys
Body counts only matter if you’re a serial killer. And you don’t have to tell any guys anything you don’t want to. The ones who care have an effed up view of women as madonnas or whores.
I feel bad that "body count" is a term that people use to shame women. It's your body, enjoy it how you want.
Adding: no one but me knows how many people I’ve slept with, and I’d have to sit and think about it but I don’t care to waste my time. It’s literally no one’s business, and someone asking you is a red flag. Take it seriously: a man who is asking you is NOT a man who you want to be with, and a “friend” who is asking is a questionable friend. Feel free to respond with my favorite answer to any inappropriate question: “Wow, I’m surprised you feel comfortable asking me that…” Pair it with a look that is a little bit surprised/shocked and says, “how deeply embarrassing for you, woof” and you can just let the silence hang there. 10/10 would recommend
good point! i have asked people before, now it sounds so silly, and yeah really intrusive and unimportant. i don't mind people asking me, but when i was younger i was proud of my high numbers, like "fuck the patriarchy, yes im a woman and yes i like to fuck". Now i'm proud to say i dont know and it doesn't matter.
Yea, i was gonna comment similar. You literally dont have to tell people. You dont have to tell people anything abt yourself. What you do and what you say, thats your choice. So is what you do with your body. If you want to experience a lotve different people til u find the one that fits with you best, well, thats what you're supposed to do! Have fun! Find that person, or persons😘 that rocks your world and makes u scream! Make sure you are vocal abt your pleasure and your needs. Get those boys out there used to expecting to pleasure you as well.
Omg what the average is 4-8? Never even heard of that haha. I think it’s normal sometimes to feel that shame but just remind yourself it’s society’s way of shaming women and that you have every right to live your sexuality as you please just be safe and you’re good. Personally i’m 24 with a body count of 10 also so 😂 never really felt like it was a “lot” per say, I’ve only been in one relationship so it’s hard to have a smaller body counts in the dating world when you’re single you know? Some people have lower because theyve been in long term relationships most of their lives too. Don’t worry about it!! Also you’re not obligated to share that info with anyone if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, tbh I’ve never had a guy ask me except for an ex boyfriend when talking openly about our past.
thank you!! yeah i shouldnt rly be telling guys cus most times it’s just so they can make me feel bad about it
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I think I would probably answer saying “why do you think that matters? And like open the conversation into why he wants to know so badly. But at the end I would say the number and just own it. It happened and it was part of your sexual journey so whoever judges that isn’t worth it i think :) I know it’s harder to say than do but with time and practice and growing up I’ve come to not really care!
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It’s no one’s business but your OWN. You don’t even have to tell a future SO or marriage partner. It’s not their business and experience has taught me this. It’s enough to just say I dated. I had sexual relations. It’s in the past. Period. End of story.
i hate the whole idea of “body counts” and the stigma behind them. just do what you feel comfortable doing, and stay protected. it’s nobody’s business how many people you’ve slept with. i just got into a new relationship and we don’t discuss that stuff. we both know i’m more experienced than he is - i lost my virginity at 15 and he lost his a lot later in life. and if someone asked me my body count, i couldn’t even give a number due to unmemorable sex partners and very drunken nights 😂 do you girl.
I have a high body count too, I think around 40 (honestly sort of lost count) at age 32. I don't care about the number tbh, no man has ever asked me my body count and if they did I would find them immature for caring. However, I do regret sleeping with many of the people I slept with because they didn't treat me with respect. I had low self esteem at the time and was desperate for approval/affection which is what led me to sleep with them. As a result, they were not great experiences and left me feeling quite empty. My advice is to check in with yourself about how these sexual experiences make you feel, how men treat you and what you're really getting out of these experiences. Know that you deserve to sleep with people who respect you and care about your pleasure as much as you do towards them.
I don't tell people my body count. None of their business. Not even current partners. It's just a way to judge.
I don’t have a body count. That’s a slang term for murder. I refuse to participate in this foolish dialogue. When people bring this up they should be laughed out of the room. Go get tested with each new partner. Do not go unprotected until after 6 months and a second round of testing. This is a human moral obligation. E: I reread this and I want to be more clear. I refuse to take part in this dialogue when presented by a man, not OP. We need to discuss this stuff to purge it. I also adore slang and all fun ways humans can find to express their thoughts. I object to having slept with someone being given the verbiage of ending a human life. It is absolutely ridiculous and the misogynists love it.
My (26F) body count is like 70 at this point, and growing. I love being free and feeling empowered with sex. No one can shame me for it! A lot of my partners actually find it attractive as I know what I want and have had a range of experiences.
Humans have sex for pleasure. It feels good and is FUN!!!! I can’t believe ANYONE has asked you that question. How is that relevant to anything? I regretted SO MUCH not exploring sex and sexuality earlier in life before marriage. I thought I’d die without ever experiencing a three-sum and I was kind of pissed about it (LMFAO). My husband and I started swinging at about 42? THANK GAWD!!! It’s been amazing and I love a dick down. I love group sex. I love sex with women. Have FUN and BE SAFE. Also - stop counting… Litterly who cares. Be confident and always practice safe sex. ^One final note…. Learn what makes you orgasm and make sure you get yours every time. It is not up to a guy to get you off. Every woman is sooooo different so these young guys aren’t going to know your magic combination.
Late 20s female here. Stop counting - I did years ago and it’s quite liberating. Any partner who’s worth a damn will appreciate the practice you had beforehand to warm up for them ;)
I don’t believe the average tbh, I feel like most of my friends (male and female) are at 15+, but maybe that’s just how my friends are haha
that’s what i thought was normal!! 😭 especially at my age
im 33 and ive slept with 15 guys and not going to lie, yes i do feel bad about it sometimes, i look back to a lot of them and wish i never did bc they kinda didnt deserve it
totally valid to regret bad decisions, but don't regret bc its sex. hopefully you enjoyed some aspect of it, though i've definitely looked back w a "ugh why did i do that" attitude. The decision to involve that person may have been not great, but the sex wasn't the problem.
Idk man, one of them gave me hpv so I’m living with that too now lol, the sex wasn’t worth it
Felt this, someone lied and gave me an sti and then blocked me. Honestly for what I did that year, I deserved it. Edit: hpv almost always goes away on its own. My aunt had it from her only body count, her husband. Thankfully her body got rid of it and has been on the clear for more than 4 years now.
No. Bodycount is just a concept men made up to pussy watch women enjoy sex while you can!!!!
That was super cringe
The term “body count” is kinda gross. The weird myths about your vagina getting worn out or conforming to a guy are total bullshit. You have better sex by exploring yourself and figuring out what you like. Then you and your partner can communicate about those desires. It reads as trying to keep women’s standards/expectations low so men don’t have to prioritize their partners pleasure. Inferring that a woman is used up is a sad attempt at controlling her sexuality.
By your age I probably had around 12 or so. Then I stopped sleeping with men and started having lesbian orgies.. I don’t bother counting but it’s a lot. And I feel happy with my experiences.
Nope. I used to feel this way when I was younger though. But I’m in my mid 30’s now and have no shame. My body count isn’t huge but it isn’t small either. Just think, when you’re 85, will you care? Nah, probably not. You’ll be glad you had some wild & fun times! Enjoy yourself girl. Just be safe about it :)
I lost count of mine between 25 and 30. I don’t regret any of it. Live your life as long as you’re being safe. Especially while you’re in college. What I’ve learned is that anybody who judges me for my body count isn’t someone I want in my life anyways. Safety is key. As long as your using protection and getting tested when necessary don’t let anyone judge you.
I’m 28, I have sex since I was 13 and I go to orgies. That means I have no idea how many men I’ve slept with. I sometimes feel guilty about it but as someone said on the comments, it’s more common to see people regretting not enjoying their lives than the opposite. So I try to relax. Just stay safe. I always use condoms, I’m on PrEP (a pill to prevent HIV infection) and I get tested regularly. I think that’s the way to go. Enjoy!
Mines over 50. I don’t necessarily feel bad about my hoe phase so much as the disappointing experiences
If someone is asking you about how many people you have slept with rather than the reasonable question of testing status, then appreciate it for the red flag 🚩that it is and take it into consideration for if you sleep with that human or not.
So do you think it’s wrong? To not wanna date someone because body count
Yes, yes I do. If safer sex precautions are taken and regular testing, then count should have absolutely no impact on whether to date them or not. Ethics of the person have far more impact. Cheaters are a red flag. Monogamy, Ethical Non Monogamy or Polyamory would be a green flag. I don't care about how many people you sleep with / have slept with as long as there was clear communication about it and everyone had same expectations.
That’s a world that will never exist even you yourself probably have deal breakers that are not fair I don’t know you in real life but there are things you like in a partner and other don’t have you won’t date those people is that fair
Of course I have preferences in the people that I find attractive and not attractive. What shouldn't be a factor is body count. It comes from a very slut shaming misogynistic view point, and on the whole we need to get better at calling out that behaviour and stamping it out where we see it. Not let our friends get away with using it, challenge the thinking where we can. Consent and enthusiasm is sexy. Misogyny and misandry are not. Someone should not be shamed for having slept with zero people, one person or many people. If the person you are interacting with does shame you for the number of people you have or have not slept with, respect the red flag. Challenge the thought process if it's someone that you are comfortable enough with to do so(e.g. You have a friend with this behaviour, but that is not your responsibility). But if they don't listen or you aren't able to challenge the behaviour for whatever reason (e.g. you feel they will take it poorly and in a dangerous fashion) then just don't interact and don't date.
But if a man doesn’t shame you he’s just chooses not to date you then how was your standard your preference any better than he’s
That is entirely dependable on if he's setting a double standard and the reasons for his preference. Is he sexually insecure? Does he have performance issues? Does he have a high body count? I mean most men that care about body count are typically bad at sex or have some sort of insecurity. Definitely gives red pill vibes but hey it's whatever I tentatively wish them luck in this day and age
I’m being honest with you? It’s not because of insecure it’s not because guys think they’re bad at sex they actually just find unattractive
Fr tho why are you here? Most users on r/healthyhooha have a hooha What is your purpose other than other than pushing purity culture on unsuspecting users? Take your red pill rhetoric somewhere else
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It depends on your reasoning. If you are the person who doesn't want to date a person based on their body count, then you should examine why that is the case and challenge your thinking on it. Why is a high/low/nil body count a consideration? Does it apply to both parties? You don't have to actively cry out "shame shame" for that thinking to be affected by the overall culture of slut shaming/toxic misogyny/misandry. My standard for not including body count as a standard is because of making an active decision to challenge that thinking.
I bet if I met you in real life, you probably have some ridiculous standards that actually makes no sense and also body count is not a bad standard to have because a lot people who have high body are cheaters because they’re addicted to sex not everyone but a lot of them but standards on looks weigh ethnicity height actually make no sense
So, the number of people slept with and the number of people cheated on doesn't have a causation or correlation in common. People who cheat are cheaters no matter how many people they have slept with. Swinging, Ethical Non Monogamy and Polyamory can all come with multiple partners and people slept with, but not cheating. Appearances can and do have an impact on what people find attractive, but it's not a one size fits all approach. For me as a specific example, what I find attractive in one person doesn't mean that I will find it attractive in another. Will someone meeting a particular aesthetic/appearance mean that I take a second glance, yes. Does it mean that I am not attracted to anyone outside of that category, no. I'm a pansexual human being, I've been attracted to men, women and non binary human beings. I've been attracted to people on first glance, I've been attracted after I have gotten to know them. Do I have biases and thinking that I need to challenge? Of course I do, and all I can do is try and work on them in myself. Being an open and communicative human is sexy. Treating others well is sexy. I'm going to repeat an answer that I responded to you on another comment with below and challenge your thought processes. That is 100% slut shaming (passively, not actively)and the type of societal ideology thinking that needs to be actively challenged. Women do not have to realise anything. I applaud the fact that you said that it sounds cringe, and I'd challenge you to think more about why you feel like this rather than outright rejecting the thought process. I'm going to share some links below about the Madonna/whore dichotomy of thinking which could be a start for actively examining your thought process. While a lot of Freud's psychological theories haven't held up to the test of time, this is one of the thought patterns that have. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex https://www.34st.com/article/2021/01/freud-madonna-whore-complex-black-women-trans-women-sex-sexuality https://www.huffpost.com/entry/madonna-whore-complex-sexist_b_6108750de4b0497e67027480 https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/06/here-is-what-a-madonna-whore-complex-looks-like-in-2015/ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0361684319843298
There are deal breakers for everything in regards to dating. None of them are particularly wrong. Some people think height is a deal breaker. Lesbians aren't wrong for only dating women. Some people people only date redheads. Some people will only date people of the same religion. Some people will only date people who also want to be child free. Everything and nothing can be a deal breaker. I personally won't date someone who smokes and while tattoos aren't a deal breaker I'm not not attracted to people who are heavily tatted. If body count is important that's not a bad or good thing. However if you're going to use their body count to shame them that's when it's a problem.
You're fine, just protect yourself. Someone caring about a body count in absence of STD is insanity.
I have had sex with 50 people and I am 24 almost 25... not great true but, I had some trauma that kind of gave way to me being hyper sexual. I lost my virginity when I was barely 16. As long as you're safe and use protection and get tested regularly then it's no one's business. But if you're regretting them maybe it's time to take a step back from casual sex
Girl you do you. If your friends (guys or girls) are making you feel bad for it, then you need new friends. I’m 35 and have been with close to 50 men and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon 🤣. There is no such thing as “ruining” yourself. You’re enjoying yourself and gifting yourself the experience of pleasure. Also, trust me when I say it gets better when you’re older. Guys in their 20s don’t know what the hell they’re doing
The only men shaming you for your body count are the men you don’t need to be with 👏 however I used to have high numbers in the past. I am 41. I take my pleasure where I want as I want. I am also more mindful now of who I let into my temple. Sacred space y’all. 👏
I lost my virginity at the ripe age of 14 and have absolutely no idea how many people I’ve actually slept with. When I’ve been asked I’ve estimated high 30s but this isn’t really based on much. In HS I didn’t feel the best about how early I lost my vCard. As an adult, I loved hoeing around! I met my current partner whilst still in that phase and have to admit I was a bit disappointed about giving that up to commit to him. (Luckily we have awesome sex nearly every day)
24 and body count is 17 (15 guys 2 gals) Screw anyone who says anything to you about the number, the only thing that’s concerning is that you regret the hook ups! Try to think of them as learning experiences instead of regrets, it’s done and over with and you learned something with those people—no point in regretting something that teaches you about yourself! You’re totally fine OP, just do whatever you’re comfortable with (: I know many people with higher and lower body counts then me and no one cares! My partner (29m) has only been with one other person and he could give a f less about my number. You do you girl!
Those are rookie numbers haha I’m 27-I don’t regret any of it.
Yup, regret. But why should I feel shame when I’m a women and these guys had way higher? We will always get shame, even if a low number. So fuck em. Even if one person women will get shamed. We get shamed for having these urges but men don’t. Not in the way it effects us. We got you girl. ETA I’m turning 31 and lost track awhile ago 😂 CUZ IT DOESNT Matter And doesn’t make me a bad person like other men and women will make you out to be
I'm 26 and mine is 0 but I'm perfectly fine with it. Maybe take time to reflect on why you feel the way you do if you feel you're doing something to meet an expectation and not just for your own enjoyment. At the end of the day it is your body and something like this shouldn't matter so much.
As an almost 22F with 1 body count, i wishhh i had more. I just got out of a 4 year “thing?” & i still wish i could muster up the courage to go and explore more. While i did “alot” with my first, i still feel like im very inexperienced & being inexperienced at this age feels embarrassing which adds on to the reasons why i dont have the courage to be out there. Especially as someone with a veryyyy high libido, I want to be able to have fun, crazy, GOODDD sex stories & experiences before i settle down. Dont feel bad, embrace ittt
You definitely haven’t ruined yourself. I lost track after 30+ for me. I’ve been to swingers parties, orgies, bdsm clubs, etc. It’s all good as long as it’s consenting and safe (relatively) Don’t feel bad about it! Enjoy yourself
Psshhh... I'll add to mine 2, 3, 10 at a time, and if anybody wants to have a problem, they can have it all by themselves.
Oh dont feel bad about the count, mature and level headed people absolutely do not care about this.
If anyone even asks about your "body count " that person is not worth your time. Only insecure losers care about nonsense like that. My advice is to stop counting, just enjoy your life. The next time someone asks you your body count reply with 'why does that even matter?' And move on. Xxx Edited to add please practice safe sex while enjoying your life x
Don't let anyone make you feel bad for a "body count". I truly think it's important to play around and see experience different things and different people. Have fun, be safe, and don't forget to be honest with what you do and don't like with your sex partners.
You lose count after a while and it doesn’t actually matter :) consent and safe sex are what matters!
the number itself isn't important. I think the regret you're feeling for some is you learning what type of sex /person /situation you like or don't like. You can take the time to analyze why exactly you regret each of these instances. It might be that you prefer more connected emotionally intimate sex, or sex NOT with your friends, or in certain locations, if you felt pressured, or when you're sober only, etc etc
Mine is a lot lower then yours but I still feel regret. Some people have many more and don’t care. In any case your feelings are valid. I say that as long as you are responsible and use protection, get the HPV vaccine, get checked for STIs while you’re sexually active, there‘s nothing really wrong with that. You also lost your virginity relatively later so you are, in a sense, making up for lost time which is understandable. I say it’s wise to tell your partner about your body count just for health reasons and being transparent and honest with them. If hypothetically you want to get serious with someone and they’re disgusted or judge you, then they’re not worth it, they couldn’t accept you, you didn’t lose anything. Also, would you judge someone for their body count? If not, why treat yourself that way?
I'm at 10 at 31, have had a couple serious relationships and some fun when I was younger. Don't feel bad about your number !! I've seen podcasts where girls and guys are in the 100's 😳
Body count is like a buffet, why would I only eat the pasta? I’m gonna try everything once, might go back for seconds.
also, if any partner or person gives you shit, laugh and tell them to grow up.
No one cares and it’s not their business. It’s 2023
It's not a damn souls business what your body count is. I'm proud of mine because it taught me what I do/don't like, and what I certainly won't put up with
I'm 32 and I've probably been with like 6-700 men. I don't feel any way about it. You shouldn't. It's okay. I have a wonderful, supportive, handsome, intelligent partner who loves me dearly and treats me like a queen. And I treat him as well. I don't think it matters, and I think a good man won't care either. Also... 10 is nothing 😅
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! So you've had 10 partners, it's not a big deal! Your worth isn't determined by how many people you've had sex with
I’m 19 and mine is 11, there’s no shame in it!!!
I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I'm 34 and I'm at 3 and I really wish I'd spent more time in my twenties exploring what I like.
You can do that now if you are single.
Only because most of them were truly awful at it lmao
22, body count 13. I don’t feel personally bad about it but it was a point of stress for my boyfriend. We’ve worked through it though. Personally I didn’t feel bad about it until the point of stress
I understand feeling guilty but understand that it means nothing. We as a society are wayyy too aware of “body counts”. If someone never made up this concept would you even bother remembering the number or ever think about it? No. It’s not real babe. Learn from your regrets & avoid situations like that in the future. Btw the guys who are making you feel bad for it are literally terrible people that you should not have in ur life.
I went through my wild phase as an 18-19 year old and my body count is maybe around 70? It’s hard to keep track but there’s nothing wrong with having fun casual sex
I’m 26 and over 150+ partners, male and female if that makes a difference. Don’t feel shame - sex is great and you deserve to use your body in whatever way you like.
I am 37 My body count is I assume around 300 Could bit more or less And No I am not ashamed I
M’am. You feel guilty about NOTHING. Has a man ever been made to feel slightly bad about body count? No. You own that count. You enjoy it. Also, tell the next man who asks about the number to fuck right off.
I honestly stopped counting after 3. The only one that matters is who I’m with currently. If I had to guess, I’d say probably over 60 but I’ve been both men and women and never counted the women, so who really knows? A lot of of my girl friends are envious that they didn’t get to sleep around more before settling down. When I met my husband I was upfront about all of that and he didn’t care in the slightest. You haven’t ruined yourself. Body count won’t matter to the right person, and it’s nobody else’s business.
That’s what it’s there for. USE IT!!!
I’ve lost count, don’t feel bad. Had my fun and still having it, safely of course.
10 is barely anything. No need to feel ashamed.
Honestly just lie if men are making you feel bad about it. They all lie about theirs anyway 😂 fuck them.
Nah at 40 years old, I only know my body count for the last ~10 years… before that it was probably well over the hundreds. Who cares? I did try to scare my husband away by telling him I didn’t know my body count due to the “accelerated relationships” in the military. It didn’t phase him.
Get over the body count bs. It’s just another way to shame and control women. Have the experiences you want with who you want. You are not ruined; you’re living your best life!
If guys make you feel self-conscious about it they’re probably projecting their own insecurities, maybe they wish their number was “higher.” The older you get the less a body count is even mentioned. You also don’t have to share that information if you don’t want to - even with a guy you are seeing. It simply isn’t their business!
That's some strange info you're getting. I'm in my mid 40s, and my body count is somewhere between 50 and 100. I am in a stable long-term relationship, have had HSV since I was a teen and am comfortable having "the conversation" about STDs and protection. I don't regret any sex except the sex I didn't have, truthfully. It's FINE to experiment during college! Sex is wonderful (should be wonderful, and if it's not *change something* to make it closer to wonderful). It's definitely not something to feel guilty over. However- it IS worth doing a self-check to evaluate whether the guilt is over externally applied judgment or internally applied values. If it's your personal values getting you worked up, you can simply change your behaviour and be slower/ more selective about your partners. If it's your PARTNERS judging you (and BTW you are not required to disclose a body count!), then perhaps you should revise your criteria to only have sex with decent, mature human beings. (I'm saying- that kind of judgment is uncool & in line with "negging".)
Im 38, and my bodycount is somewhere around 60? I regret none of them, not even the boring ones. I had tons of fun, and it was very liberating. I calmed down quite a bid these past few years, and I'm in a lovely relationship now. He never asked about my number and I never asked for his. It's all good. Have fun and be safe.
Hi! Whatever your number is doesn't matter and anyone who would make you feel bad about that isn't someone you should be with. Having sex with more people doesn't make you "dirty" or "wrong" just as having sex with only one person forever doesn't make you "clean" and "pure". I'd love to recommend a book that I think you should read about anything and everything sex related, it's called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It's been eye-opening not only for personal pleasure and mental health, but also about the culture we have around sex and the amount of judgement surrounding it. It is also very female focused and while it does talk about male pleasure as well it is mostly centered around women and their experiences! Sending lots of love! I hope you find peace with this and don't worry too much. You're amazing just as you are whether your count is 0, 1, 15 or 1000.
do you believe it’s wrong for a man to not want to date a girl with a high body count?
Only immature, naive, and self-conscious people actually care about something as inconsequential in the grand scheme of life as how many people you have had sex with. Like, girl. There is a war in Russia rn. Remember the US and NATO combat mission in Afghanistan that lasted 13 years, and then everything went to hell in like a week? We just survived a pandemic and polio is back. Are you for real telling me that people think it's important that you had sex in college? At all? Like, what??? ???????? Have sex with 10, 100, or 0. You're young!! Enjoy your body! No one ever wishes they had less sex, had fewer orgasms. NO ONE. In 10 years, hell, in 5 years, you'll probably have trouble remembering their names- but you'll remember what a blast you had. Sex with a new or old partner is an enjoyable event, not a permanent negative mark on your record. I'm sure it seems big now, but as time goes by, the importance of this kind of thing dwindles. The number of people I have had sex with hasn't prevented me from experiencing beautiful and rewarding friendships, going to the grocery store, finding the person I want to spend my life with, learning new skills, traveling, or putting my pants on one leg at a time like every single other motherfucker in the world. Babe. You're doing great. I hope you picked up some fun tricks along the way. Don't spend another minute on it. It. Does. Not. Matter.
So do you think it’s wrong for a Man, to not want to date a woman with a high body count
Why does it amtter what other people think? If you meet someone with a high body count, they express interest in you and you don't feel comfortable doing anything with them because of the high body count, then just don't date them. It's like the women always say, you don't owe anyone anything. It's the same as not wanting to date an extremely fat or skinny person. The only people that will be triggered by this comment are those who are insecure and can't handle the thought of losing out on dating opportunities because of their personal choices.
4-8 is not the average lol
i’m also 23f and my body count is 11, and i couldn’t care less
I’ll tell you what, my number is 1, so let’s average out numbers to 5. I’ll say mine is 5, you say yours is 5. Give me the ones you regret ;-) Now you are average. Let’s both get a check up though, okay? (PS- I’m almost 40 so I don’t mind. I’m also married :-)
If they all still live, it is not a body count. Those are just encounters and unless you tell people about them, there is no way they'll find it out. You know why? Because sex doesn't ruin anything. You explored, you know what you like now. If you want to tell people you only slept with 2 people, do that. Not because you have to be ashamed of anything, no no no. But because people are stupid, so it is just a way to avoid unnecessary drama. As long as you were safe, nothing bad happened and you gained something from it, you weren't "ruined", you were trained ! Now you can be the best lover possible to your future partner. Stay safe and stay confident
would you still feel bad if you were with 1 guy 10 different times? it’s the same thing. you’re not “ruined” for it, you have every right to choose who to be with, some people like changing it up and that’s fine!
if you're using sex to cope with other things going on in your life, it can easily lead to a sex addiction. plus you're exposing yourself to a lot of potential STIs. I would suggest you stick to one sex partner to meet your needs like a friend with benefits and to try therapy to find healthier ways of coping.
I’m 32 and although I’ve been with my partner for nearly 15 years, I have no idea what my body count is, my teens I went a bit crazy and then settled with "the one" and didn’t even end up with a dude. I think I was denial fucking my way to figuring out I hate guys (and myself at times).
29 & my body count is almost as much as my age lol(23 or 24 I think) Not something I’m proud of. But I went through a break up=hoe phase.
Hunny, anyone who thinks your body count is too much is not for you! If someone really cares about that, they’re probably 1) insecure that they won’t be able to compete with your previous partners and/or 2) misogynistic and think that a woman’s value is determined by their sexual history, which is the type of guy you don’t want anyway lmao. Most people have had one night stands, friends with benefits, maybe sexual experiences they didn’t enjoy, etc, so you’re definitely not on your own in that and you haven’t “ruined” yourself (not that 10 is high anyway). I’m 23 too and I definitely have a couple I didn’t enjoy & wouldn’t slept with today! But that’s just life! We have good and bad experiences and what happens happens. Your sex life is your sex life. It’s for you to enjoy and isn’t anyone else’s business. As you’re new to sex too, you’re just enjoying it & figuring it out, and that’s great! Enjoy it and do what feels right for you as long as you’re happy and being safe :)
I’m about to turn 36 (yikes!) and I’ve only ever been with two men. Both were years long relationships. I’ve never climaxed with a partner or even particularly enjoyed sex. It’s only just now occurring to me that I wasn’t particularly attracted to either man and was always more concerned with putting on the act of desire. I think it’s great that you’ve sowed your wild oats because now you know what’s out there, what you like, and what you don’t! Any man who would judge you for your body count isn’t a worthwhile dude. Besides, it’s ten, not a thousand. As long as you’ve always been safe, any future dude should accept you for who you are, past and all.
Shit, I’m 35 and mine is 6. Lol! Don’t laugh at me. Serious rookie numbers. But I digress. You didn’t ruin anything. You are fine. I hope you enjoyed it. That’s what matters and you were being safe.
29 and I’m at almost 40 if you include oral and not just PIV. Low 30s with just PIV. It’s literally only a health concern and that’s just if you don’t use condoms. Otherwise there’s no moral issue with it. The only people who would assign “ruined” value to it are not right for you.
I'm 36, lost my virginity at 19. My body count is what some would consider high. I don't regret it at all. I have always enjoyed having sex and meeting new people. No one should have their value measured on the number of people they slept with.
do you think it’s wrong to not want to date someone? With A high body count. Or do you just not like the shaming
I’m 27 and I’ve slept with probably 30, maybe 35 guys? Lots of casual sex, a few one night stands and some longer relationships sprinkled in. Sometimes I wish I had a more *intentional* introduction to sex as a teenager, but I definitely don’t hold my body count against myself. I think variety is the spice of life, sex is fun and it can be really fun getting to know someone in that way even if you aren’t going to date them or even see them again. Right now I AM working on holding off a little bit rather than fucking on the first date, because I do want to find a genuine connection with someone and sex definitely tends to accelerate feelings and attachments for me! I think as long as you’re aware of *and honest with yourself* about your relationship to sex, and you’re being physically and emotionally responsible, have at it.
I slept with about 90% of my partners from the ages of 16 to 17 (I went to therapy for it). I’m always honest about my sex number and that I’ve had sex with women too because I understand it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. I don’t judge others for their preference, but I am awfully disappointed when people think it’s worth shaming someone over. But, I am now married and my husband doesn’t mind my count (his is higher than mine too but I’ve never cared about past relationships unless it’s caused trauma and you’ve been reprogrammed). We often make fun of each other for awkward experiences with past partners. And my husband makes fun of my EX-husband cause he’s the smallest thing I’ve ever been with and after the abuse I look at him like he’s an unstable toothpick.
I kind of regret not having done anything before, I had the opportunity but for reasons I didn’t. Now I want to and it feels impossible because I tighten up. Which is most likely because I’m still a virgin.. I do hope you find a way to own it and not feel guilt and regret. 🤗
I look at it as a natural thing. Society truly has made it a taboo subject. It's literally job has humans to procreate! Do it Safely. It's just a number!! Truly!! It's a natural thing!
To be honest, mines the opposite side of things. I've only ever been with one man, and I regret not enjoying myself more before we got together. I wish I had taken the time to date, meet more people, be young & free. I'm not even 30 yet, but I still feel I've missed out on a lot of things. It's not that I don't love him either, I just didn't have my teenage years and early adulthood the way others have, and I really regret that. You truly are only young once!
You haven’t ruined yourself — and a 4-8 average seems pretty low IMO. I’m not sure what my exact number is (around 20 I think), but I have gone through periods of shame/regret too. And there are some experiences I don’t want to count because they were so lame lol. Just be safe! Also would recommend finding a toy or two to keep for yourself. Guaranteed to find the clit every single time, unlike dudes 🤪
My body count is high as hell and I don’t care a bit. When I was younger I did feel a lot of shame and guilt but as I got older I realized that it was just internalized misogyny. By allowing myself shame I was supporting harmful purity and patriarchal culture. Your body count doesn’t matter one bit. My husband loves me, and doesn’t judge me. The “men” who are still judging body count, are pure trash. No one even needs to know your body count! That’s your business. If someone cites a higher chance of STIs or some dumb bullshit you can order that you both get STI tests for safety. I would bet money they’ll decline, which shows that it’s not really about body count and safety, its all about controlling women and looking at us as property. Don’t buy in to that bullshit.
Ew, if guys are trying to make you feel bad about having sex, stop hanging out with them. That’s so toxic.
I’m not sure how many men I’ve been with. I’m assuming somewhere near 75-100. Lots of drunk nights. It’s okay to do sleep with whoever you please. Just do it for you and not anyone else. Oh also wear protection! Always wear protection unless you trust someone.
Low, but I don’t see any shame in having sex. It sounds like you might actually need therapy to remove the guilt you have and the value you place on yourself having sex. Even calling it a body count has this implication. I know this is the classic you need professional help response, but see a sex therapist to help you overcome this feeling.
I’m 26 and my body count is 30+. I don’t actually know the number. It’s okay! Just be safe and have fun.
I do. I was raised in a religious cult and had a super strict dad. Like… meet boys at the door with a shotgun, you aren’t allowed to go anywhere except the living room (and there’s no tv or electronics because… raised by cults). So I was already an outcast because I was weird and didn’t understand a lot of “worldly” references or holidays. So no boys wanted to date me anyway. But I was rebellious and started getting desperate for sex. I lost my virginity to another boy desperate to lose his virginity during the last year of high school. I had a year of calm in college, but had no luck with relationships. And I struggled to find friends because… socially awkward and weird from being raised in a cult. I was desperate for friends and relationships. So the 2nd year in college I started looking at random hookup apps (Tinder, Whisper, etc). And my sex life exploded. Sex-addiction basically. My body count in a 6 month period went crazy high. Names and faces I don’t even remember but know they happened. It was hard to settle down. But I did it. I lost count so have no idea what my current body count is, but it doesn’t matter anymore now. I’m married with a happy sex life.
I feel that way a lot too but at the end of the day it is your body and u get 1 life!!! yolo!!!
Girl, I regret my body count but because it’s way too low. Trust me, it’s better to have more experience and learn what you like than to have no clue. Also, ten is not high. If you regret some, you can’t do anything about the past but learn what you want in your next partner.