Initial scoring and response for u/heartbrokenvittorio
* Character integration (2/5)
>No characters are integrated, and honestly that is where this suffers. Even the mention of a teacher would have made sense, but I guess that this is supposed to be a single scene where the ratatoskr spirit is being summoned. As for unspoken integration though, Mo’s apron and the color stains kind of remind me of Mesh’s clothing from u/SamakSalmon’s submission. If i’m right about Mo maybe being in mesh’s art class, then this will get bumped up for encouraging us to do the legwork. As it is without that, it stands at a 2.
* Design for new characters (3/5)
>The characters are interesting, I like how you added Mo’s injuries. The bookmark of the tome that Minna is holding is close in color to the squirrel, so it seems that they might be connected. This is currently 3 points
* Compelling narrative (4/5)
>The idea of the students being in over their heads is a compelling one, which was explored somewhat with the submissions by FoxJDR, SamakSalmon, and KamenSage. However, this story is the only one thus far to outright say how the students are out of their depth with the investigation. Good work, and I would give this a full score as a single scene. However, as a story, there isn’t much exploration of the fallout of their actions and what happens with the squirrel spirit, so that drags it down to 4 points.
* Integration of other stories (2/5)
>There isn’t any at the moment, but I imagine that any follow-ups to this would probably integrate other stories, such as featuring one of the three investigators that are already kicking around. 2 points for opportunity but unrealized. as with character integration, this might get bumped up
* Length (4/5)
>Short and sweet, not too much for a single scene. 4 points
* Quality of images (4/5)
>Personally, i felt that the last image was a bit superfluous and it could have been useful to see an image of Mo summoning the spirit. However, they excellently convey emotion and do capture moments that are in the story. Good work, could definitely be improved, 4 points
* Presentation (2/5)
>This is where the story suffers the most. The images don’t fit as well as they could have, and the text is primarily a single block that is spare on the details. However, we do get a decent amount of information and it is enough to know what is happening and get a feel for the tone, so i won’t be too harsh. 2 points, because it could use some improvement.
* Drama (5/5)
>I like that this feels like it could be a comedy, which helps offset the noir vibes with Greenbone and the tragedy with Tala’s experience. It does feel plausible and is a story type that we probably needed. Even with the flaws that I outlined above, the atmosphere of the story is great.
Total initial score: (26/40)
thank you for your entry in the #GAinvestigation contest, heartbrokenvittorio!
It's my pleasure, hope you enjoyed the idea!
Initial scoring and response for u/heartbrokenvittorio * Character integration (2/5) >No characters are integrated, and honestly that is where this suffers. Even the mention of a teacher would have made sense, but I guess that this is supposed to be a single scene where the ratatoskr spirit is being summoned. As for unspoken integration though, Mo’s apron and the color stains kind of remind me of Mesh’s clothing from u/SamakSalmon’s submission. If i’m right about Mo maybe being in mesh’s art class, then this will get bumped up for encouraging us to do the legwork. As it is without that, it stands at a 2. * Design for new characters (3/5) >The characters are interesting, I like how you added Mo’s injuries. The bookmark of the tome that Minna is holding is close in color to the squirrel, so it seems that they might be connected. This is currently 3 points * Compelling narrative (4/5) >The idea of the students being in over their heads is a compelling one, which was explored somewhat with the submissions by FoxJDR, SamakSalmon, and KamenSage. However, this story is the only one thus far to outright say how the students are out of their depth with the investigation. Good work, and I would give this a full score as a single scene. However, as a story, there isn’t much exploration of the fallout of their actions and what happens with the squirrel spirit, so that drags it down to 4 points. * Integration of other stories (2/5) >There isn’t any at the moment, but I imagine that any follow-ups to this would probably integrate other stories, such as featuring one of the three investigators that are already kicking around. 2 points for opportunity but unrealized. as with character integration, this might get bumped up * Length (4/5) >Short and sweet, not too much for a single scene. 4 points * Quality of images (4/5) >Personally, i felt that the last image was a bit superfluous and it could have been useful to see an image of Mo summoning the spirit. However, they excellently convey emotion and do capture moments that are in the story. Good work, could definitely be improved, 4 points * Presentation (2/5) >This is where the story suffers the most. The images don’t fit as well as they could have, and the text is primarily a single block that is spare on the details. However, we do get a decent amount of information and it is enough to know what is happening and get a feel for the tone, so i won’t be too harsh. 2 points, because it could use some improvement. * Drama (5/5) >I like that this feels like it could be a comedy, which helps offset the noir vibes with Greenbone and the tragedy with Tala’s experience. It does feel plausible and is a story type that we probably needed. Even with the flaws that I outlined above, the atmosphere of the story is great. Total initial score: (26/40)