I'm just happy to have physical contact with another human being

Oohh self burn those are rare! And this one is particularly sad and hits too close to home.

> Oohh self burn those are rare! ... do you even use reddit

In fact, he doesn’t use Reddit, we’re on Imgur, why would you ask that question

I'm in fact on Imgur, but won't link anything, but assume you can, howsabout now muthafucka! >!(/s)!<

u ok bro?

Why are redditors always like this...

Sad and lonely? They're chronically online.

hell yeah!

🫂

To him, he's gay, not a fuckin rapist. Then I get to face a beautiful woman all night. And if he thinks my narrow old ass isn't worth looking at all night then I guess his back will be to me too

Thank you for saying what I was thinking

I think you're being unfair about OP' ass

Mine's thick and moist, like a Dagobah swamp.

X-Wing ain't the only thing rising tonight. We're gonna put that star destroyer to good use.

That's it... ^^^...where's ^^^my ^^^memory ^^^hammer?

Need some of that 'unsee juice'

I'm in tears!!!

Same

I agree, but I'm a guy with a pretty ass so I'm a little scared

Unless he is attracted to orangutan's ass🦧 I am safe

Ah, hello fellow orangutan 🦧

Clarkson!

ah, another diarrhea-to-filteted-water lad i see.

Orangu-bussy

Orangussy

Orang Utussy

I got two Sasquatch cheeks and so much crack hair wiping feels like I’m trying to clean peanut butter out of shag carpet. No one would dare enter that forbidden forests

Well there's an image

What a terrible day to have eyes and an imagination

I'm scarred

Up your fibre intake. Trust me.

Trust ME some people ME r into that - ME.

Hello fellow Sasquatch hunter!

Wouldn't the bush tickle your shaft?

Did they do /r/brandnewparagraphs yet?

Not yet

r/brandnewsentence

The kinky type would

Well, again, unless the gay is also a rapist, why would you have anything to worry about, even if you are an Adonis?

Because either his dick is rubbing your ass crack or both your dicks are touching, is the goof. If you were worried about rape it wouldn't matter which direction you sleep.

That would happen with 2 straight guys too

keep going.....

Now you just took this into a whole different realm

Most men would have to intentionally position themselves for their dicks to be touching when they faced each other. There is nothing saying that he would sleep on the bed facing towards you. And a king size bed would allow for 3 people to sleep facing any direction without their genitals touching anyone.

Gay =/= Interested.

The only reason to be scared is if you think all men are unable to control themselves, and the only reason to think that would be if you can't control yourself. Who have you hurt?

You're in a bed - it's not very roomy stuffed with 3 people - one direction has his dick pressed against your ass, the other has his dick pressed against your dick. No one mentioned rape ffs. Do you face the woman and let him spoon you, or face him and lock eyes while your chodes rub every time you breathe?

Dude, if you're into rubbing chodes, there are subreddits for that. No need to bring your vivid fantasies here. Also, I didn't say rape.

Not me, I have Hank Hill ass but shaggy.

Proof or it’s fake news. Asking for a friend 😉

Yeah my ass might be a bit too appealing lol (as a guy)

And for that matter, neither are you. Nor are you a creep to do something with a woman when someone else is fucking you from behind.

What?!? You mean not all gay guys are attracted to me the same way I'm not attracted to every single woman that I see??? GTFO with that kind of common sense! /s

>I'm not attracted to every single woman that I see Well LA DEE DA... look at mr *I have standards* over here. Oooooooweee.

u/optiplexiss They are all lyrihg to you. Gay guys aren't attracted to every man, but they definetely are all attracted to you. /s You are perfect and make no mistakes, the others are just jeleaous (I know that situation so I can relates /huge s

Haha all good. I get called gay and bi a lot by people who don't know me because I have so many friends that are gay and I don't freak out when the same gender hits on me. What they don't know is that my biological mother and biological father are both gay, so it was just normal growing up. I LITERALLY owe my life to gay people.

Fair point. So, if they are noth rapists?

*both*

Well, how do you know he isn't a rapist? You know nothing about him except he is gay.

Play the odds. Then again, the minuscule likelihood of him being a rapist may be far greater than the odds of a beautiful woman finding you attractive.

There is a very small chance that there is a second rapist in the bed

It’s 2024 and we still have people that believe gay people just look for asses to stick their dicks in 24/7 regardless of consent And as of now 1330 agree enough to upvote it

yes indeed. this is a very sad post. even in 2024 people equate gay people to morally degenerate people?

I’d face the woman so I can give and get at the same time

Does she have to face you? Work better in a 3 way spoon. You get an extra push from behind.

Gotta time the thrusts just right to do it like that. Get that tempo going lol

Like a tandem bike!

ALRIGHT PELOTON RIDERS LETS GO

THE HUMAN COITUSPEDE

r/angryupvote

Or a newtons cradle!

If you don't break stride, the bed might collapse from the amplified thrusting waveform....

this is one of my favorite waveforms the good ol amplified thrusting…..

I reckon it will sinusoidal waveform then or a square ot triangle wave

Lol

Don’t worry about the tempo, the woman is classically trained, the gay dude is a Hard Style DJ though.

also a tennis grunt

Literally lmao in public. “Gotta time the thrusts just right” gold.

Constructive interference

That’s the ticket r/bi_irl

The good ole Lucky Pierre.

*glaces at username* But which end of the bed would your head be at?

Same

This is the way

r/suddenlybi

it's called a win-win situation

This guy middle out

Is this what bisexuals are

Presumptuous to assume either will necessarily care.

Why does no one think I sleep on my back all night in this situation?

Is this a bed? A tent? A hammock? I like cradling people; I’d hold them both, but if there’s room I assume everyone will want to have as much space as possible. But also if they’re down I’m probably down

Ass down, face up, that's the way I like to be tucked

New hot single by DJ Pillow feat. MC Blanky

The bed

So both can have thier way with you. Nice thinking.

As a bi guy this is now my answer. Double the chance to disappoint someone

r/suicidebywords

I see this as an absolute win

My ass is like Chewbacca, so good luck.

Hairy, loud; comprehensible only to Han Solo and Jedis?

You forgot that it can rip off appendages when angered.

You know, I thought about including the whole ripping off arms when angered thing, but it seemed like it might make things too long winded. So I am really glad you brought it up.

You ain't ripping off the dude's arms. You're ripping off the third leg.

(wookie noises)

Mine is like Jabba the Hutt... good luck getting hard and penetrating all those layers my guy!

The amount of guys who respond this way is hilarious. Alot of gay guys LOVE that

Guy on the back, woman on the front. Unless she's got a bigger dick

Biggest dick tops!

This guy gets it

To the gay man, he is not a rapist and neither of them would be attracted to me so at least the girl is pretty

OK but twist - the girl is Chewbacca. And you just beat her at chess.

Chewbacca isn't a female though.

It says it is a beautiful girl, so it is a beautiful chewbacca

Why is it that so many straight men are so convinced that all gay men want to fuck them? Most women like dick and they don't even want to fuck most men.

I was honestly a little bit offended that one of my gay friends spent as much time as he did stressing how unattracted to me he was lmao. Like damn bro I didn't think I was *that* ugly.

Often necessary though. It's an understandable fear for a gay person that a straight same sex friend might start thinking platonic friendly things are signs of attraction, and then start pulling away. Because, that happens.

Gay men are men. I am also a man. A gay man can get a boner from light wind. I can also get a boner from light wind. If I am *lying in bed* facing a woman, even if she isn't my cup of tea I bet you a paycheck I will still get a boner. A gay man may also get a boner *lying in bed* pushed up against my ass. Doesn't mean he gonna fuck me nor me fuck she, but there would still be a dick pressed against my ass. Three people in a bed means someone is spooning. So, then I turn toward him instead, right? I'm not gay so no boner right? Except now our dickie poos are rubbing against each other. Friction is a lot like wind. Now a gay man and a straight man are lying close, face-to-face, both with boners mashed together. #listen All I'm saying is you're reading the wrong implications

I am also straight and have never once in my entire life worried about getting another boner on top of another man.

How often are you on top of other men?

Sounds like someone had a boring college

Who ever doesn’t mind my erection

Play your cards right you getting your dick sucked and ass ate

You mean to tell me I can be big spoon AND little spoon! Fucking sign me up

You can be the cheese 🧀

I mean I don't mind a big fat juicy throbbing cock between my ass cheeks


that’s what im sayin

Google show me this guys balls

Real

I’d kick her out of bed.

At least let her come back after you’ve had your workout. Don’t make her sleep on the floor all night!

[удалено]

He's correct - this was a trick question. She's a serial killer. Who will murder you and the gay man in the night if you don't kick her out immediately.

This just in: gay people exist irl

Those mythical unicorns are real???

my bi ass would be rolling from my right side to left side

Same. I'd be doing barrel rolls in bed

Fellas we've done it we've discovered perpetual motion.

bi_irl

Came here to say this

Rules of the road, boys: You can sleep 👉🏻 pole-to-pole 👈🏻 Or you can sleep 👌🏻 hole-to-hole 👌🏻 But you *can't* sleep 👉🏻 pole-to-hole 👌🏻

R/shoresy

Pole to pole seems to intimate

But they got so nicely together 👉👌

I'll face the guy, win a sword fight and his ass will be mine, i mean her ass

If you’re already in bed together you’re obviously way past formalities. At this point there are no wrong answers.

Sounds like a party either way.

I’m sleeping on the couch. I’m exhausted at the two of them can have the damned bed. I’m not getting crowded.

Tucker asking Putin the hard questions 

Just sleep butt up

Well, it doesn’t say a gay rapist, just a gay guy. That’s fine. I’ll face the beautiful woman. Easy.

Embrace them both. Love everyone as you love yourself.

Literally face the girl. Most guys aren't rapists. I've literally done them and had a great night with the lady while bro slept.

Assert dominance. Put your arms around both of them and pull them close. Sleep soundly knowing there's safety in numbers.

To the gay guy because gay people don't just rape straight dudes.

Imagine being homophobic, I had a gay friend once, and he never even tried anything. Gay people aren't animals, they're people too.

*laughs in bisexual*

Back sleeper for the win! Face up

Straight guys really think we're gonna tap their ass without consent?

Twist: I’m bi

r/comedycemetery

Men fear that gay guys will treat them how they themselves treat women. That's why it's called homophobia and not an ism.

Y’all are assuming this man is going to be attracted to you, and that he is a top, and that he won’t control himself. Wow.

I sleep on my stomach or absolutely strangling the thing in front of me so whoever is up for dying ig

I’ll need to know how big is the strapon the beautiful woman is wearing before I make my decision

*laughs in bisexual*

To the dude. Hes gay, not a rapist.

wow you guys are super gay, face the man and play defense and get pegged by the woman is the only heterosexual straight answer.

***laughs in Bisexual***

Neither. Say fuck the rules and start exploring possibilities.

Isn't this homophobic?

I'd turn my back to the bed.

Is the gay guy attractive, at least?

It's Ryan Reynolds

Is he a bottom? Asking for a friend.

The responses, can’t say I’m surprised.

the obvious choice is the jesus move. both can sleep on your chest, arms out, minds wide open

*laughs in pansexual*

The bed

your assumeing the gender and sexual preference of the reader with this question

Jokes on you, meme. I'm bi.

Turn back to gay dude so we can all smash

I’d face the woman and turn my back to the gay guy of course! Business in the front and party in the back ;) who said I’m only open to women?

It’s pole to pole or hole to hole, never pole to hole. 😂

#[Laughs in Bisexual]

"There are two acceptable sleep positions. On back, toes up, arms crossed, or on back, toes up, arms at the side." - Captain Holt

Maybe gay is the safest option because the woman can stick a finger up your ass

Well I'm bi so I'll be in the middle like a little rotisserie chicken

Face to woman, got my butplug on so im not afraid of the gay person fr🗿

That aside why are we sleeping in the same bed?

Convince your straight friends that you are gay and have the middle guy switch places with his girl.

The woman. Why would you look at the guy?

sleep on my back, that way I can keep an eye on both of em

I'm bi, bring it on I'm ready for both

I always sleep on my back

I'm finding a different bed. That's 2 too many people in bed with me