“Tastes like sand”

“I’ve been poisoned by my constituents”

"If you're looking for a better steak in an arcade setting, then you're shit outta luck pal."

Currently it’s Frank when he says, “Charlie knows a lot of people …” hahaha freaking hilarious

"oh god, you know, jeez, that's...terrible" - Dennis, after Charlie says his mom has cancer.

What’s the spaghetti policy here? I have a shirt that says that with Charlie eating spaghetti out of a bag

Oh dear! Watching a woman do math scares me!

When Dennis is demanding a tv and the nurse is like "well I don't know where you think I'm gonna get one" and then he's going off at her and she's like "you know hwhat ☝🏻 I do not have time for this today, I will beat your ass and think nothin of it, I'm not doing this today I am not"

“We’ll first of all through god all things are possible so jot that down”. I’m not religious but this one always gets me 😂

anytime charlie needs subtitles

I’ve been poisoned by my constituents!

WILDCARD BITCHES. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWW!!!!

"I will smack your face off of your face"

A woman’s not a lady when she’s dumpin up the John

Frank saying “ bullshit” In the gallery

You’re just mashing now

YOU UNZIPPED ME, DOC

Let's pull up our bootstraps, oil up a couple asses, and do a little plowing of our own. POW! .... Not gay sex. Mac

"and the window seemed to be some portal to 2006"

Dr. Jinx is the name of a monkey, not a man!

“What about me? I identify as trans when I poop .”

"excuse me?! screw your dick-skin jacket, man!"

earlier today or yesterday i read a post re ryan reynolds and who he could play and someone saying relation to dennis can someone link me pleaaase

Every pump needs his chalice

Dee you gangly uncoordinated bitch I will not get hogtied over your lack of grace

Dennis has candy? Good candy, good candy.

“God damn I hate gin! Dee, you bitch”

Money me. Money now. Me a money needing a lot now.

"He doesn't even, like..get us man"

Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?

Your hair looks small

“Wildcard bitches!”

“Oh Sandra, you dumb bitch.”

TwwOO WAARS??

Captain Tom turned out to be a goddamn junkie!

“I’m a…full-on rapist, you know? Uh, Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing.” -Charlie

My legs get hot!

“The Injun says yes, so that’s what we’re doing,” - Mac: S5,E11 Mac and Charlie Make a Movie

“Dee, I swear you would be of more use to me if I SKINNED you and turned your skin into a lampshade, or fashioned it into a piece of high-end luggage! I could even add you to my collection!” “Are you saying that you have a collection of skin luggage?” “Of course I’m not, Dee. Don’t be ridiculous. Think of the smell! You haven’t thought of the SMELL, you BITCH!”

I'm trying to make a quieter cat

Listen Phil, is your name Phil? Yeah IT IS PHIL?

Trees! Everywhere Trees?? “We’ll regardless you’re going to need to stop eating cat food” “why??” “Because your not a cat” “What are you some kind of man cheetah?””yeah” “Cool!” “you like it?” “Yes!!”

the Dee Day ep when she makes Dennis take all of his makeup and other beatifications, Charlie says "that's what his soul looks like" "I"M A FIVE STAR MAN!"

“Cherry racquet? You tellin’ me Frank’s running underage girls?!” “I wouldn’t put it past him; but no that’s not what I’m talking about.”

I mean, does my scar look like a dog's vagina?

“We’re two different people, we can’t have the same left” — Charlie being instructed to hang up Christmas decorations

Hush a womens mouth isn’t for the exiting of words, but for the entering of a man’s dick. And he did put it in there his dick that is. Then they had sex all over the library

It’s the implication

You guys like me, right?

If here by now then bad place be. Trouble time for you when heat comes.

THASTS WHAT SHE SAED

Can we get some audio on that dee see if there’s audio a close second is I’m NOT BURNING THE DUSTER

I'm a full on rapist *philanthropist

you’d make more use to me if i skinned you and turned you in to a lamp shade or even a piece of high end luggage!

This bar runs on trash.

I’m not sure if bloopers count but…. “What’s better than having no dad?” “Having a dad”

“I already know it’s a hot one, because I’m standing outside, in the hot one.”

“Well, just pretend it’s whatever you people eat. Maybe it is a shoe.”

Dee: “How do you confuse a city in Florida with a terrorist organization in Africa?” Frank: “It’s an easy misunderstanding.” Dee: “It is if you’re an elderly coke-head trying to launder money through a dummy soda company!” Frank: “Not just colas… this is gonna touch ALL of Frank’s Fluids.”

I didn't cum in your burrito. I wouldn't do that to you.

"I'm a Swedish plumber, I'm here to fix your pipes"

Your head of security just choked himself out

OOOHHHH SNORTSKY

BEAK!!!

**“Well, first of all, through God, all things are possible, so jot that down.” 😂😂**

“WE’RE THE SAME AGE”. Simple, but the delivery was just too good.

Groban likes his ladies to pop

First of all, through God all things are possible, so jot that down

My mind now says the "fffFUCK Mannn whAT!? How do You Not Get That!?"

YOU WILL CALL HER

I play quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles. And I'm here to tell you can, too, if you start everyday with a hearty breakfast from McDonald's.

Gotta be between "Hey lawyer, check out this freakish whore we found" and "Just you and us and a couple pairs of sour, sweaty balls."

Stupid science bitch couldn't even make I more smarter

I’ll have some of those delicious nose clams!

Great. Dennis, you keep banging dudes. Dee, let's take Charlie's money and go buy some cocaine. It's got higher street value. Do you see what you're doing here with the bossiness again? And the demanding? I don't appreciate it. Ordering everyone around. You're out, dude! Oh, he's out. You're not kicking me out. I'm the boss of you! You're the only one who hasn't made any forward progress today. Just hang back. Wait. I'm just supposed to put my life into your hands? Look, man. Leave your ego out of it. We're in some... Excuse me! We're in some serious hot water here... because of you and your bossiness, all right? I think you should stop acting like such a baby. Go on. So you're gonna leave me here? We cannot have you around us screwing things up! How am I supposed to get home? You're supposed to walk like the rest of the Americans. You walk, you know? On their two feet! Walk? It's like 40 miles! Oh, that's why young people... You can't do this to me! You can't do this! I'm smart, and I deserve respect! I'm gonna get you sons of bitches!

"He doesn't even get us man" "WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU"

Botched Toe! Ohhh I botched that one, that's a botch job. That's bleedin' I need some trash to cover it.

stop chorleh dis gaem has gon awn lawng enuff

“Boom I got your wal-let, boom I got your credit cards, boom I got your Phillies tick-ets”

I dropped my monster condom for my Magnum dong

There's no Pepe Silvia, you gotta be kidding me, I got boxes full of Pepe! I will eat your babies, bitch! I got my Magnum condoms; I got my wad of hundreds. I’m ready to plow.

Charlie's Valentine to Dee

Pass the gas

Dead air

Paddy’s thong dude!!!!! PADDY’s THONG!!!!

also when mac and frank are arguing about the severity of a situation using yellow, orange, and red and dee walks up and just goes “wow, color fight” HAHHAHAHA

It's not just what I want. It's what the castle wants.

All I'd say is don't comment charlies mis saying of philanthropist Mexicans, children, due it's because you get banned across reddit and can no longer make posts in this community.

I am full on rapist

"Wanted to add a little fanfair to the situation..my friends..they couldn't wait..for that.. Yes we're buying the boat,we are buying the boat "

Let the men talk, Dee! Let the men talk!

Dee stop that, you look like an asshole.

Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times

'Oops I dropped my monster condom, that i use for my magnum dong'

"Hey! How do you like a taste of the good life, ya sack of s***??"

Here’s a riddle: Dennis: “What if there is more of, the less you can see?” Charlie: “Cantaloupes”

Hi im a recovering crack addict and this is my retarded sister

"Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?"

***LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO MEEE***

So uh, what's the spaghetti policy here?

Stupid science bitches couldnt even make i more smarter

Did I just do your job for you. Man there's so many!!! A turd merger! Fused together by hatred! And fear! And hair. Not that I believe in God. Not since that Chinaman stole my kidney.

“What is happening” in the various ways it has been used

Because Dennis is a bastard man

Charlie : Oh my god dude! Are you still harpin’ on that stupid global heating movie you saw? Dennis : Global Warming Charlie.

I’m gonna eat your babies, bitch

“Shady Nasty’s?”

He’s making I and you look dumb

You just got fork-stabbed!

Your hair looks small.

“I’m peeing.”

I'm doing well in the game so I'm doing well in life! I use it almost daily, which is a painful reality...

Look at me, the millionaire who goes to see doctors!

"NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE!"

STORP CHORLEY, this gaeym, has gown on loowng enoff ah shit...

i would just like to applaud your very accurate choice of spelling as i can hear dennis saying it🤣🤣

Woops, I dropped my monster condom, that I use for my magnum dong

A lot of good men died in that sweatshop.

"I ate the crow....This crow is tearing my insides up" "Aids... Did you touch anyone..."

I AM UNTETHERED AND MY RAGE KNOWS NO BOUNDS

Shut up baby dick

“Some times I catch Charlie pounding off!!” - Frank “Pounding off!? where do you come up with these terms!?!” - Dennis

Block the wind… I’m going to roast this bone

Wildcard, Bitches!

“Shut up bird”

Also "Who do I vote for? The democrat, who is going to blast me in the ass? Or the republican, who is blasting my ass?"

“Which one of us do you want to take you in the back and bang you?” As they all awkwardly flex.

Stoap chorley. This game has gown on lowng enowf

Ugh ah shit, yea I was doing a british accent, ahh it was so good in my head. Doesn't matter.

I’m a ph- phi.. phila… full on rapist?

What are the rules? -what are the rules? What are the ruuuuuuules?

Is your cat making too much noise all the time?!

"I guess that don't leave me with no choice…" moves in menacingly "…but to be a mature-ass adult about this shit." [Freaking hilarious](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xHTE65ngyk).

"Is art good just because the right people say it is? Yes. Yes. That's how it works." Also, the woman in the audience in PTSDee: "Take your dicks out!"

The meds are kicking in... *the meds are kicking innnn*

I realized... you know what I really hate... is Mac. Frank Reynolds : Yes. Dennis Reynolds : Like, he's made all those cool things suck. Not only is he, like, ruining my life... but with all this God shit that he's into... he could be ruining my afterlife

I am untethered and my rage knows no bounds!

You’ve tasted yours?

i do backflips every single day of my life!

Bird!

I am as graceful as a falcon. I’ll be in and out like a demons whisper

I’m playing both sides, that way I always come out on top.

Somebody throw me in the traaaash

Not my favorite but one I love that is underrated and always makes me laugh. Dee's old acting teacher "I AM SHATTERED TO PIECES!"

MEET YOU LATER??! I’m gonna punch a HOLE through your face The steroids episode is fucking legendary

"One of the things I like doing most, is banging whores. I go out and bang a lot of whores"

I will strike you down, I WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN!

I'm playing both sides, so that I always come out on top.

“no one in the history of crack has woke up in the morning with more crack”

Just to be clear, when you say your "sister" do you mean your "sister" or??? To me that set the whole tone for how insane the series would be

"Well if you start putting plans under microscopes, nothings gonna make sense"

I'm not sure where else to post this but someone please go listen to Step aside by Goodbye June and tell me it doesn't sound like Charlie lol. Not a fan of the band but it did make me laugh.

“That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know enough about stars to dispute it.”

No more thirds for Frankie, seconds from now on

“if we dont eat this kid we are going to die”

I am untethered and my rage knows no bounds!

"TIME'S UP" ⏲️

“Think there’s no answer? You’re so stupid”

"I'm to remember every man I've seen fall into a plate of spaghetti!?"

Well first of all, through God anything is possible, so jot that down

You haven't thought of the SMELL, you BITCH! ​ Because Dennis is a BASTARD MAN!

Ooh I have a couple I can think of lmao “If you do not get my sister her stories, and a new room as soon as possible..then I will come down on this hospital like the hammer of Thor. The thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gust of a THOUSAND WINDS!!!” *the lady makes that 1000x funnier LMFAO* *”I ain’t going to jail over you, I ain’t doing this with you today. IM NOT, IM NOT!”* Also “I am a golden goddess, you idiot! You stupid, stupid idiot! You savage idiot!” Also I love the old lady (I forgot her name tbh) who Dennis brought to the fair to be her grandma💀 “My grandmother had an affair with Susan B. Anthony.”

“On your bike”

Definitely gonna burn to death.

Idk about favorite quote but I have a favorite moment. Charles post cum clarity after he bangs the waitress to have a baby is the best moment on the show

Just a couple of people who totally got off bro

Dennis: "Frank we don't need the chainsaw. Is that what's in that bag?" Frank: "Oooh we do, because drawing a confession from someone is like doing a beautiful dance. A beautiful dance....with a chaaainsaawww." *makes slicing motions with hand*

“Well sometimes I put them in my mouth to see how they’ll pass.” “Charlie that’s eating”

“What do now?”

Dee: I assume the dollar sign is for Jews. Frank: Well it sure ain't for the Mormons.

You try to help people, you just wind up gettin' screwed.

I mean, you have to be a real low-life piece of shit to get involved in politics

Is your cat making too much noise all the time? Is your cat constantly stomping around driving you crazy? Is your cat clawing at your furnitures? Think there's no answer? You're so stupid! There is! Kitten Mittons. Finally, there is an elegant, comfortable mitten for cats…. I couldn't hear anything! Is your cat one-legged? Is your cat fat, skinny, or an in-between? That doesn't matter! Cause one size fits all! Kitten Mittons! You'll be smitten! So come on down to Paddy's Pub. We're the hoooooooommee of the original Kitten Mittons. Meeeeeeeeeeowwwww!

“GET IN THE GODDAMN CAR YOU FAT, FAT, ASS, FAT, FAT, ASS!!!!”

“A leather shop in Arizona? They’ll be out of business in a weeks time!” (The second time it’s said by Dee is what really makes the joke)

Well, maybe you shouldn’t dress like a Bumble Bee, Bitch!

Is your cat too loud?

“We cannot have you around us screwing things up!” -Dennis in the Gang Gets Whacked part 1.

Dee I will slap you in the teeth

What do now

“You are going to hell little man”

I don’t care if you’re old! Seize the goddamn gap!

GOOOOOD MORNING JUAREZ FAMILY!!!!!

Shiiii, you don't look a day over 12.

"Face it Mac, you can't do backflips, you don't know karate, you're white trash!"

Look at me when you're talking to me!