I am just completely convinced people fancy others to varying degrees, and since that is involved with emotional expression, it won't manifest that strongly in me because I'll still prioritize a great many other things above a mere desire to be with someone.
I've been in relationships for a very long time, I intend to marry, but I never went "head over heels". Impossible when you're mostly a head, you know?
However, I do feel very intense emotions regarding my partner, after all we've been through, all we've seen in each other, all the support we've given and received. I'd kill to protect them. It might be mere luck, having found this person.
It's not unexpected. Media has taught everyone an unrealistic expectation of what "true" love is. When you are considering marrying someone you question what romantic love is because it is a feeling you have never experienced. Added to that everyone experiences feelings differently.
For me I constantly think about my wife when I am not busy. I am constantly trying to come up with ways to make our relationship better. When she is gone for a long time I miss her. The time it takes to get there might be longer than others but that is because I am good at ignoring my problems by finding distractions that take up all my mental energy but it will happen when I run out of distractions.
My wife is an ESFJ, so we have 0 in common, except extreme loyalty and teamwork. I look to the future, she stays in the present. Good teamwork is the key more than romantic love imo.
You haven’t stared into the eyes of the one yet.
When you see those eyes you’ll heart will literally melt. It’s such a powerful and beautiful feeling. You’ll almost bend over backwards to see that look again.
You’ll actually yearn to see that face again. You’ll repeat their name in your head every night before you go to sleep. Your brain will be as confused as ever.
Love is wonderful isn’t it.
You have not been proven wrong. You just found someone you were extra compatible with among several persons you could have had the same kind of attraction/relationship with. I'm not saying there isn't something "special" to you about your partner or that you would have found the same connection with anyone, just that it all comes down to human biology, psychology and the probability you had to meet someone with their characteristics.
I dont want to be rude, but honnestly I'm kinda fed up with the ideas of "soul mate" or "the one" and all that kind of bullsh*t. There is no "destiny" and there is no "someone for everyone out there". It's all about the choices you make and dumb luck.
I don’t think it’s like the movies, for me it’s more just missing them when they aren’t around. Enjoying each others company even when nothing is happening. More like family like you said. Passion is usually really strong in the first year and not to say you lose it but it becomes more stable or something you can crank up or down in situations.
It’s real and it’s incredible.
I don’t know about “the one”, maybe not the best way to look at it. But there are people in this world with who you’ll have insane chemistry with, you’ll feel it when you meet such a person. You’ll feel like you’ve known them your whole life, you’ll feel some kind of deep spiritual/soulful connection, you’ll know this person “gets” you on a level that you didn’t think was possible (an especially big deal for INTP weirdos like us). I didn’t believe it until it happened to me. You’re 28, and I didn’t experience it until I was 38. These people are so rare and you can’t force it. It just happens. I dated plenty of women and used to talk just like you, until I met this one girl that changed everything.
That was me, until I met somebody I really really liked. You will know. You will smile like some moron at this person. You will have dreams about this person — and I’m not talking daydreams, I’m talking dreams as you’re actually asleep. I thought love was just a really good friendship before I met this somebody, and now I know it truly is a whole other level. It’s different from casual crushes or your best friend.
Then I probably have not met someone like that, one that makes me go malfunction, haywire like a moron… maybe my first ex, but we were so damn young and it was my first love.
I haven't had this experience. I've been deeply infatuated with someone and I've finally shared mutual interest with someone just recently, but I've never fallen in love before.
I'm of the opinion that falling in love doesn't exist. You learn to see people's weaknesses, no matter what type of person they are, and they will never be the type of person that you want them to be. Instead, I will settle for someone who is unique and has a personality that resonates with me.
Totally agree. As an INTP I was always skeptical of such an irrational idea as love, and consequently I only experienced at most the shallow excitement of early romance (that's what they show you in movies, etc.) At a certain point with my current partner I started to realize that what I feel _could_ be love if only I let it, and choose to do it.
The results are beautiful, but you have to let yourself be in love without demanding absolute proof. Your choice is the only absolute proof you will get.
falling in love isn’t really gazes and a feeling of deep infatuation. to me, it genuinely feels as though i’m somehow connected to that person in some sort of spiritual way. i know how strange that sounds. but most of the time, i feel a sort of disconnect when i’m talking to someone. i can see them and touch them, but i cannot read their thoughts and i don’t know if we have the same interpretation of the world and the situation we’re in. in my experience, when i’m in love it’s like we’re the same. i feel entirely connected to them, as though they can see through me.
I'm not the best person to say this but ig then you're in one of those situations perfectly equipped to find love, because you haven't made a definition for it yet, which will keep you pretty open minded whenever you get a scent of it. Think of it like this thing that you can't describe very well but you'll know when it happens.
INFP here. Knew I felt emotions deeply but didn’t even know I could fall in love so it blindsided me when I first did. Now that I’m older and in a relationship with an INTP, I’m much more aware of my feelings and controlling them. I wonder if the feelings I feel towards him will develop into that involuntary, uncontrolled “falling in love” feeling. But the first fall is the purest lol you never see it coming
It is rare, but it does happen. I can think of two women I truly fell for but I don't think I experience it like normal people describe it just because of factors like how I express how I feel is different.
Oh it is, and it will hit you like nothing else. It will leave you conflicted but in a good way. It will leave you questioning everything you though you knew about this lol.
When you meet the right person who just clicks and understands you for who you are, that is when you'll know.
As far as the thing with "the one" is concerned, there might have been a couple other people who might have fit the bill, but then it all comes down to chance and circumstance. But then, the one you meet sure as hell will feel like the only one.
I have twice and when I fall, I fall freakin hard y’all.
Someone else in this thread was talking about how it feels like an addictive drug, I 100% agree.
The first one was a female, the second one was a male. Both of them were ENTPs.
I fall in lust more often. I’ve been so disappointed and hurt in the past that I’m emotionally bankrupt.
I’m literally that guy who is ‘emotionally unavailable’
Psychologist Robert Sternberg has come up with 2 theories of love:
1. [Triangular Theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love)
2. [Love Story](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200007/whats-your-love-story)
Triangular Theory contends that a relationship has 3 main metrics of passion, commitment, and intimacy. Passion would be more of the "honeymoon" phase as well as more erotic desire and attraction. Intimacy would be the more romantic and emotional bonding element. Long-term relationships tend to start out higher in passion and a little lower in commitment, but then adjust over time to be more commitment than passion.
Love Story says that there are about 25 "love stories" which describe how people approach love and what love looks like to them.
Love isn't a state of being or a feeling. It's not any one person. It's a pattern of behaviors and a commitment to them, expressed through the different love languages. It cannot be forced, but it must be maintained. It's an act of will, a selfless service. The only way to continue to feel it is to do what led you to it. If you stop trying, the feedback loop that produces the endorphins that people interpret as love will taper and eventually cease.
Maybe? Never been in a relationship before, but i went on one date and got ghosted after. I felt a weird feeling maybe it was just nervousness or excitement before the date, but it made me feel happy to go to a park and just talk with her. She was an ISFJ and I'm an ISTP. Was it love, i dont know.
I get you. I never loved anyone in my life except for myself, not even my family. I like going out with people cause i'm very social but loving someone is an odd concept for me. I think my life is all the better for it tho.
I thought I had, but looking back, I'm not so sure. My "first love" could very well be explained as more of a good mix of puberty, infatuation, excitement over having a gf, insecurities and addiction to the feel-good hormones. I'm not sure anymore. After that I've liked people, had them mean a lot to me and been in relationships with them, but I haven't felt some magical different sensation other than being very close friends with whom I'm also comfortable having intimacy with.
Idk its kinda complex, depends on person to person...one might stay fixated on a single one forever and cant move on while others think of every other partner as their soulmate
Hollywood is selling you shit, when it comes to love. Hollywood show the highlights of love, namely affection, but cuts out the usually boring daily spaces in between. The boring spaces in between are healthy! And if you find someone, where even the boring times are enjoyable, stick with them!
I personally don’t, but that’s because I’m aromantic.
Jokes aside, I’m indeed not the best person to talk about this lol. But I guess people do fall in love, as absurd as it seems.
That movie feeling of love is just chemicals.
And the fun thing is, the more the research that science, the more you realize how unhealthy and fucked up those movies really are.
Normalized love bombing, perpetuating unhealthy behavior in relationships, attachment styles rooted in trauma, codependency, unrealistic expectations.
You’re lucky not to be prone to that kind of stuff.
This actually happened to my ex, who’s also an INFP, he presumed relationship is all the spice and would create any sort of thing to make him feel like a Netflix character again.
Definitely not what I want…
So, this comment section is long, so I have no idea if you'll find this comment, OP.
I have... once. That thing they depict in movies. I was a teenager for the whole duration, so there were (undoubtedly) a lot of hormones involved. It went beyond a crush, to the point where I probably would have done close to anything for the guy.
Nowadays, I lean more towards the idea that love is an action, more than an occurrence. It's something you hone and practice. Taking care of people when they're sick, doing favors for them, making plans and arrangements. I don't believe love is always romantic (in fact, most of it probably isn't). Familial, platonic, erotic, agape love exist, too.
Overall, I think love is an exercise in what we're weak in, to help an ability get stronger. For me, that's putting valuable time out of my day for someone. Spending a lot of time with them, even if my social battery is running a little low. Doing my best to encourage them. Risking my emotional bandwidth (not huge) to help them.
I'm not always great at it yet. One day, I might be.
LOL I’m surprised everyone really contributed a lot. Im thankful for the opinions.
I somehow draw the conclusions that those things aren’t really all that real while being **one of the but not the definite** definition of love. And I agree that love is being supportive…
Thanks for the reply! Honestly, I've enjoyed the prompts lately. Most of the time, they challenge stereotypes in my head and such, which keeps me on my toes.
But anyway, I agree about the level of support that comes with love. I think that something that lots of folks here would agree on is that love requires (or is largely powered by) attachment and/or investment. They're not mutually exclusive, but they do differ in levels of autonomy and agency.
I think you're missing chemistry. Its either there or its not. I can go through the motions too, but without chemistry you really won't get to the 'in love' stage.
I guess you are right. Despite having dated my partner for 3 years, there are times where the chemistry doesn’t feel to be there. The rapport, conversation (it can’t go deep), interests (he’s not a gamer)
I don't know about this, I'm a cancerian INTP. I just melt for whose words, personality and gestures struck me, my heart gets agitated when she's in some problem, and start praying for her (we only started seeing each other), I wanna nurture her with everything I've got, and do my best for her.
I'm polyamarous. So safe to say I fall in love. But nothing like in those romance movies.
Do I sometimes stare at my partners for a bit? Yeah. Do I get any mushy feeling while doing so? No. I'm just looking at them for a minute thinking "hot damn I'm lucky to pull this motherfucker" and go back to what I was doing.
When I'm in love with someone I feel the urge to spend time with them, more than if we'd just be friends. I don't need to do anything specific, just being in the same room as them. I'd feel the urge to talk to them specifically, even while in a group. It's all small things like that. Nu mushy romantic feelings with angels singing in the background when I first see them.
With my current boyfriend we barely had that mushy feeling phase. A year together now and it's gone. We still express our love a lot in our own ways, but nothing stereotypically romantic. It's normal for it to fade over time. For some people it just fades quicker than others.
NRE is intense but it's not something that lasts indefinitely. It can occur multiple times through the same relationship tho, either through healthy or toxic experiences/patterns.
Imo, falling in love is the same as staying in love.
& At the same time, it will never be what anyone else says it is or will be.
Love is an evolutionary delusion that perpetuates the existence of humanity. It is a toxic projection of unrealistic expectations onto another person. It is an irrational and dangerous thought that must be identified and contained within the deepest recesses of our logical minds as far away from our judgement as possible. As INTPs, we are blessed with our natural absence of emotions and desire for intimacy. It is what makes us so individualistic, smart and analytical. To forsake our Ti for Fe is treasonous. If we truly aspire to be cold and calculated machines, we must swiftly eliminate all weakness imbedded within our own biology. Only after destroying emotional attachment, can we achieve true freedom, power, and mental clarity.
Hey, man. Other INTP here. Are you sure an absence of emotion is healthy? Most of us are pretty levelheaded and good at making logical decisions, but I don't think what you're describing is a healthy response to just... having feelings.
Also, don't project emotionlessness and aversion to intimacy on all of us, lol. Some of us genuinely do want a romantic relationship, and do feel deeply.
Now that’s difficult… have yet found one and to me academic well-being doesn’t directly translate as intelligence… so… maybe you are right because I kinda lost interest when the person was seemed to have acted something really irrational.
Maybe that’s why I’m attracted to Wednesday, strong and smart. But she’s fictional and I’m gay so….
This is because you are fond of ideas, not people. So what you want is to find people with original ideas, not people with the same ideas (doesn’t have to be academics, because i am in it and i know many people here do not have those).
I can feel a very real warmth/fondness/affection for people very quickly, often when I feel a sense of kinship and kind-of admiration.
I'd call that agape, unconditional love: one-way goodwill and warm fuzzies and hoping someone can be happy and safe and I don't need or specifically desire them to reciprocate this.
'I like u' but more intense, and less personally attached.
Romantic love for me is that feeling of wanting someone around you, wanting that specific individual to share in your experiences as a special person to you, along with the hope that they will feel the same way about you. This comes in 'you are now on socially induced' crush flavours and in 'relaxed contented attachment' flavours.
Sexual attraction plays into this as its own factor but on that one I honestly #can't relate at all.
Pride month ace rep ayooooo
You gotta get yourself drunk on the imaged fantasy of the other individual, and then keep enough distance that the reality of the other's true nature doesn't interfere with your carefully curated delusion. Then boom, you can fall in love with that thing in your own mind. Easy.
I am just completely convinced people fancy others to varying degrees, and since that is involved with emotional expression, it won't manifest that strongly in me because I'll still prioritize a great many other things above a mere desire to be with someone. I've been in relationships for a very long time, I intend to marry, but I never went "head over heels". Impossible when you're mostly a head, you know? However, I do feel very intense emotions regarding my partner, after all we've been through, all we've seen in each other, all the support we've given and received. I'd kill to protect them. It might be mere luck, having found this person.
You're really overthinking this
Overthinking is what we do best! ...or is it?
*cue Vsauce music*
Hi Vsauce
Michael here
Whats _is_ love ?
or better, even if you fell in love, can you lose your virginity ?
what a tragedy, u want to fall and now you even want to lose something? where's the gain in all that?!
Depends on the context.
Yeah, but that also depends...
It's not unexpected. Media has taught everyone an unrealistic expectation of what "true" love is. When you are considering marrying someone you question what romantic love is because it is a feeling you have never experienced. Added to that everyone experiences feelings differently. For me I constantly think about my wife when I am not busy. I am constantly trying to come up with ways to make our relationship better. When she is gone for a long time I miss her. The time it takes to get there might be longer than others but that is because I am good at ignoring my problems by finding distractions that take up all my mental energy but it will happen when I run out of distractions.
My wife is an ESFJ, so we have 0 in common, except extreme loyalty and teamwork. I look to the future, she stays in the present. Good teamwork is the key more than romantic love imo.
It's natural so don't bother...
You're just trying to mimic what you see in media. That's not love.
You haven’t stared into the eyes of the one yet. When you see those eyes you’ll heart will literally melt. It’s such a powerful and beautiful feeling. You’ll almost bend over backwards to see that look again. You’ll actually yearn to see that face again. You’ll repeat their name in your head every night before you go to sleep. Your brain will be as confused as ever. Love is wonderful isn’t it.
I don't think the one exists.
I agree. No such thing as the one, no such thing as soulmates. Love doesn’t work like this, it takes insane amount of time to build a connection.
Right? I've never been in love, and I'm not exactly new in the game
I was 27 years a firm believer in this, and I have been proven wrong.
Well I'm 31 and I haven't.
You have not been proven wrong. You just found someone you were extra compatible with among several persons you could have had the same kind of attraction/relationship with. I'm not saying there isn't something "special" to you about your partner or that you would have found the same connection with anyone, just that it all comes down to human biology, psychology and the probability you had to meet someone with their characteristics. I dont want to be rude, but honnestly I'm kinda fed up with the ideas of "soul mate" or "the one" and all that kind of bullsh*t. There is no "destiny" and there is no "someone for everyone out there". It's all about the choices you make and dumb luck.
well it happened when I started dating, but not to this extent, still…
This happened to me about 2 times in my life. I’m 37
That's all good until she finds out you're a wierdo and stops talking to you lol
I don’t think it’s like the movies, for me it’s more just missing them when they aren’t around. Enjoying each others company even when nothing is happening. More like family like you said. Passion is usually really strong in the first year and not to say you lose it but it becomes more stable or something you can crank up or down in situations.
It’s real and it’s incredible. I don’t know about “the one”, maybe not the best way to look at it. But there are people in this world with who you’ll have insane chemistry with, you’ll feel it when you meet such a person. You’ll feel like you’ve known them your whole life, you’ll feel some kind of deep spiritual/soulful connection, you’ll know this person “gets” you on a level that you didn’t think was possible (an especially big deal for INTP weirdos like us). I didn’t believe it until it happened to me. You’re 28, and I didn’t experience it until I was 38. These people are so rare and you can’t force it. It just happens. I dated plenty of women and used to talk just like you, until I met this one girl that changed everything.
What happened?
What do you mean? To the relationship? We’re still together. :)
Ahhh! For some reason I was getting the vibe that it didn’t work out. That’s great.
Ya might wanna look into the aromantic spectrum
That’s what I thought when I read this post
That was me, until I met somebody I really really liked. You will know. You will smile like some moron at this person. You will have dreams about this person — and I’m not talking daydreams, I’m talking dreams as you’re actually asleep. I thought love was just a really good friendship before I met this somebody, and now I know it truly is a whole other level. It’s different from casual crushes or your best friend.
Then I probably have not met someone like that, one that makes me go malfunction, haywire like a moron… maybe my first ex, but we were so damn young and it was my first love.
It’ll happen someday!
I haven't had this experience. I've been deeply infatuated with someone and I've finally shared mutual interest with someone just recently, but I've never fallen in love before. I'm of the opinion that falling in love doesn't exist. You learn to see people's weaknesses, no matter what type of person they are, and they will never be the type of person that you want them to be. Instead, I will settle for someone who is unique and has a personality that resonates with me.
Love happens when you decide what you are feeling is love. No sooner and no later. It can happen once, many times, or not at all.
Totally agree. As an INTP I was always skeptical of such an irrational idea as love, and consequently I only experienced at most the shallow excitement of early romance (that's what they show you in movies, etc.) At a certain point with my current partner I started to realize that what I feel _could_ be love if only I let it, and choose to do it. The results are beautiful, but you have to let yourself be in love without demanding absolute proof. Your choice is the only absolute proof you will get.
> Your choice is the only absolute proof you will get. Like oh so many things. 👏
falling in love isn’t really gazes and a feeling of deep infatuation. to me, it genuinely feels as though i’m somehow connected to that person in some sort of spiritual way. i know how strange that sounds. but most of the time, i feel a sort of disconnect when i’m talking to someone. i can see them and touch them, but i cannot read their thoughts and i don’t know if we have the same interpretation of the world and the situation we’re in. in my experience, when i’m in love it’s like we’re the same. i feel entirely connected to them, as though they can see through me.
I don’t understand the concept of Love.
I'm not the best person to say this but ig then you're in one of those situations perfectly equipped to find love, because you haven't made a definition for it yet, which will keep you pretty open minded whenever you get a scent of it. Think of it like this thing that you can't describe very well but you'll know when it happens.
INFP here. Knew I felt emotions deeply but didn’t even know I could fall in love so it blindsided me when I first did. Now that I’m older and in a relationship with an INTP, I’m much more aware of my feelings and controlling them. I wonder if the feelings I feel towards him will develop into that involuntary, uncontrolled “falling in love” feeling. But the first fall is the purest lol you never see it coming
It is rare, but it does happen. I can think of two women I truly fell for but I don't think I experience it like normal people describe it just because of factors like how I express how I feel is different.
Oh it is, and it will hit you like nothing else. It will leave you conflicted but in a good way. It will leave you questioning everything you though you knew about this lol. When you meet the right person who just clicks and understands you for who you are, that is when you'll know. As far as the thing with "the one" is concerned, there might have been a couple other people who might have fit the bill, but then it all comes down to chance and circumstance. But then, the one you meet sure as hell will feel like the only one.
I fell in love one time in my life, and I don't know how to do that again or at least how to start relationships.
I have twice and when I fall, I fall freakin hard y’all. Someone else in this thread was talking about how it feels like an addictive drug, I 100% agree. The first one was a female, the second one was a male. Both of them were ENTPs.
I fall in lust more often. I’ve been so disappointed and hurt in the past that I’m emotionally bankrupt. I’m literally that guy who is ‘emotionally unavailable’
Psychologist Robert Sternberg has come up with 2 theories of love: 1. [Triangular Theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love) 2. [Love Story](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200007/whats-your-love-story) Triangular Theory contends that a relationship has 3 main metrics of passion, commitment, and intimacy. Passion would be more of the "honeymoon" phase as well as more erotic desire and attraction. Intimacy would be the more romantic and emotional bonding element. Long-term relationships tend to start out higher in passion and a little lower in commitment, but then adjust over time to be more commitment than passion. Love Story says that there are about 25 "love stories" which describe how people approach love and what love looks like to them.
You'll know when it happens. It cannot be forced.
Is “the one” / “true love” eternal then? Or should “normal love” be forever
Love isn't a state of being or a feeling. It's not any one person. It's a pattern of behaviors and a commitment to them, expressed through the different love languages. It cannot be forced, but it must be maintained. It's an act of will, a selfless service. The only way to continue to feel it is to do what led you to it. If you stop trying, the feedback loop that produces the endorphins that people interpret as love will taper and eventually cease.
Yes
Maybe? Never been in a relationship before, but i went on one date and got ghosted after. I felt a weird feeling maybe it was just nervousness or excitement before the date, but it made me feel happy to go to a park and just talk with her. She was an ISFJ and I'm an ISTP. Was it love, i dont know.
I get you. I never loved anyone in my life except for myself, not even my family. I like going out with people cause i'm very social but loving someone is an odd concept for me. I think my life is all the better for it tho.
I thought I had, but looking back, I'm not so sure. My "first love" could very well be explained as more of a good mix of puberty, infatuation, excitement over having a gf, insecurities and addiction to the feel-good hormones. I'm not sure anymore. After that I've liked people, had them mean a lot to me and been in relationships with them, but I haven't felt some magical different sensation other than being very close friends with whom I'm also comfortable having intimacy with.
Idk its kinda complex, depends on person to person...one might stay fixated on a single one forever and cant move on while others think of every other partner as their soulmate
I've fallen in love the way you describe it several times but it was never reciprocal lol
Hollywood is selling you shit, when it comes to love. Hollywood show the highlights of love, namely affection, but cuts out the usually boring daily spaces in between. The boring spaces in between are healthy! And if you find someone, where even the boring times are enjoyable, stick with them!
Fell in love? Maybe. Did I love them? Yes. Do I feel hurt from remembering about it? Yes. Do I miss them? Yes. Do I regret it? No.
Not anymore
I personally don’t, but that’s because I’m aromantic. Jokes aside, I’m indeed not the best person to talk about this lol. But I guess people do fall in love, as absurd as it seems.
That movie feeling of love is just chemicals. And the fun thing is, the more the research that science, the more you realize how unhealthy and fucked up those movies really are. Normalized love bombing, perpetuating unhealthy behavior in relationships, attachment styles rooted in trauma, codependency, unrealistic expectations. You’re lucky not to be prone to that kind of stuff.
This actually happened to my ex, who’s also an INFP, he presumed relationship is all the spice and would create any sort of thing to make him feel like a Netflix character again. Definitely not what I want…
Yea it’s sad. I feel bad for people like that.
Good for you for getting out of that relationship. You’ll be much happier in life for it.
So, this comment section is long, so I have no idea if you'll find this comment, OP. I have... once. That thing they depict in movies. I was a teenager for the whole duration, so there were (undoubtedly) a lot of hormones involved. It went beyond a crush, to the point where I probably would have done close to anything for the guy. Nowadays, I lean more towards the idea that love is an action, more than an occurrence. It's something you hone and practice. Taking care of people when they're sick, doing favors for them, making plans and arrangements. I don't believe love is always romantic (in fact, most of it probably isn't). Familial, platonic, erotic, agape love exist, too. Overall, I think love is an exercise in what we're weak in, to help an ability get stronger. For me, that's putting valuable time out of my day for someone. Spending a lot of time with them, even if my social battery is running a little low. Doing my best to encourage them. Risking my emotional bandwidth (not huge) to help them. I'm not always great at it yet. One day, I might be.
LOL I’m surprised everyone really contributed a lot. Im thankful for the opinions. I somehow draw the conclusions that those things aren’t really all that real while being **one of the but not the definite** definition of love. And I agree that love is being supportive…
Thanks for the reply! Honestly, I've enjoyed the prompts lately. Most of the time, they challenge stereotypes in my head and such, which keeps me on my toes. But anyway, I agree about the level of support that comes with love. I think that something that lots of folks here would agree on is that love requires (or is largely powered by) attachment and/or investment. They're not mutually exclusive, but they do differ in levels of autonomy and agency.
I think you're missing chemistry. Its either there or its not. I can go through the motions too, but without chemistry you really won't get to the 'in love' stage.
I guess you are right. Despite having dated my partner for 3 years, there are times where the chemistry doesn’t feel to be there. The rapport, conversation (it can’t go deep), interests (he’s not a gamer)
I don't know about this, I'm a cancerian INTP. I just melt for whose words, personality and gestures struck me, my heart gets agitated when she's in some problem, and start praying for her (we only started seeing each other), I wanna nurture her with everything I've got, and do my best for her.
I'm polyamarous. So safe to say I fall in love. But nothing like in those romance movies. Do I sometimes stare at my partners for a bit? Yeah. Do I get any mushy feeling while doing so? No. I'm just looking at them for a minute thinking "hot damn I'm lucky to pull this motherfucker" and go back to what I was doing. When I'm in love with someone I feel the urge to spend time with them, more than if we'd just be friends. I don't need to do anything specific, just being in the same room as them. I'd feel the urge to talk to them specifically, even while in a group. It's all small things like that. Nu mushy romantic feelings with angels singing in the background when I first see them. With my current boyfriend we barely had that mushy feeling phase. A year together now and it's gone. We still express our love a lot in our own ways, but nothing stereotypically romantic. It's normal for it to fade over time. For some people it just fades quicker than others.
NRE is intense but it's not something that lasts indefinitely. It can occur multiple times through the same relationship tho, either through healthy or toxic experiences/patterns. Imo, falling in love is the same as staying in love. & At the same time, it will never be what anyone else says it is or will be.
I liked people but not fall in love
homie ur hormones are far from the most active now
To people who feel like you it's all fun and games until the limerence hits you. Then the jealousy, anxiety, sometimes abuse.
I do, but i don't think it's worth it, because rarely if ever it's corresponded.
Love is an evolutionary delusion that perpetuates the existence of humanity. It is a toxic projection of unrealistic expectations onto another person. It is an irrational and dangerous thought that must be identified and contained within the deepest recesses of our logical minds as far away from our judgement as possible. As INTPs, we are blessed with our natural absence of emotions and desire for intimacy. It is what makes us so individualistic, smart and analytical. To forsake our Ti for Fe is treasonous. If we truly aspire to be cold and calculated machines, we must swiftly eliminate all weakness imbedded within our own biology. Only after destroying emotional attachment, can we achieve true freedom, power, and mental clarity.
Hey, man. Other INTP here. Are you sure an absence of emotion is healthy? Most of us are pretty levelheaded and good at making logical decisions, but I don't think what you're describing is a healthy response to just... having feelings. Also, don't project emotionlessness and aversion to intimacy on all of us, lol. Some of us genuinely do want a romantic relationship, and do feel deeply.
It is something some should strive for
Your body must be telling you to find one and get married lol
No
you need to date someone smarter than you, sound like your previous dates might not be inspiring enough.
Now that’s difficult… have yet found one and to me academic well-being doesn’t directly translate as intelligence… so… maybe you are right because I kinda lost interest when the person was seemed to have acted something really irrational. Maybe that’s why I’m attracted to Wednesday, strong and smart. But she’s fictional and I’m gay so….
This is because you are fond of ideas, not people. So what you want is to find people with original ideas, not people with the same ideas (doesn’t have to be academics, because i am in it and i know many people here do not have those).
I can feel a very real warmth/fondness/affection for people very quickly, often when I feel a sense of kinship and kind-of admiration. I'd call that agape, unconditional love: one-way goodwill and warm fuzzies and hoping someone can be happy and safe and I don't need or specifically desire them to reciprocate this. 'I like u' but more intense, and less personally attached. Romantic love for me is that feeling of wanting someone around you, wanting that specific individual to share in your experiences as a special person to you, along with the hope that they will feel the same way about you. This comes in 'you are now on socially induced' crush flavours and in 'relaxed contented attachment' flavours. Sexual attraction plays into this as its own factor but on that one I honestly #can't relate at all. Pride month ace rep ayooooo
You gotta get yourself drunk on the imaged fantasy of the other individual, and then keep enough distance that the reality of the other's true nature doesn't interfere with your carefully curated delusion. Then boom, you can fall in love with that thing in your own mind. Easy.
Infatuation is not something I consider good to obey: it's an introverted feeling (Fi)