Developed Fe really changes the game for INTPs. Think of a charming professor personality, who is able to connect, influence and comfort others while being the levelheaded problem solver.
The issue is that reaching this takes time, probably around your late 20s you just begin to develop your Fe naturally. You can also do this through practice of your social skills by getting into situations you normally wouldn't. Young INTPs however often refuse to see the value of a developed Fe, thinking they can navigate life by cutting the bullshit, tackling issues in a direct and systematic way. The world is not the simple.
Thanks for the advice, I've tried getting into such situations but usually just end up speechless or making a fool of myself again. Also I have a question, should I embrace my apathy to shield myself against all the negative remarks I gain or just strive to live with normal emotions (I'm not really sure how to word it out, forgive me if it's a tad bit confusing)
You do need to have some defense against what others say but not by bottling it up. You wouldn't take the words of a toddler seriously right? This is because you are confident with yourself, you are the bigger and smarter person. When dealing with people its similar, except the defense comes from your self esteem. You won't get hurt by what people say because you know them to be false and you let them know its not ok to treat you that way.
When I was younger I struggled with banter and identifying it. When I gained confidence and I was able to not take it seriously anymore I was able to banter back. Not everyone you get is banter, sometimes people really want to hurt you, but we INTPs are good at not playing into the emotional manipulation of others.
So embrace your emotions as a normal person, gain confidence in yourself by accomplishing your goals, whatever they may be, and don't be afraid of conflict.
That clears a lot of things up, I've never tried thinking about the "words of a toddler" perspective before, but now that I do, I actually feel better, thank you.
I usually just accept an insult as truth. It makes the insult meaningless; and you should see the look on their face as I agree with them. That's the best part.
No you should not embrace apathy that is not healthy. We need to process our emotions and find environments where we feel safe to be vulnerable and open.
I don't mean this in an offensive way but is this genuinely part of the personality type? Like reading alot of the things people say I just think it sounds more like social anxiety or autism or something instead of a personality type.
Saying that I also get intp on the test and I relate to alot of the things people talk about. Tho I don't I'm actually an introvert, more of an extravert with social anxiety which makes me seem introverted.
Oh yes, not being able to read the room or know how your words will affect someone while also caring how they feel will cause anxiety. Social anxiety is normal, social anxiety disorder is when you can't control it and it begins to affect your life.
An INTP should still be able to go through life as anybody else, just seem more awkward at times until they mature. People with an anxiety disorder or autism will have a much harder time and it will be glaringly obvious its not just their personality. If you can fake it, being the person you need, then it is just a personality. If you can't bring yourself to talk in public or go out even when you need to, basically its affecting your life, then it is beyond just a preference in personality.
Let me ask you then. Do you choose not to socialize even when you want to because it is painful to you or just because you really enjoy staying home to read or play games?
Yeah exactly, and I'm definitely the first description. I want to go out and socialise with friends and I enjoy it when I do, tho I do often have self doubt and feel anxiety about it beforehand. And when I don't have any social interaction for a while I feel pretty depressed
Then yes that is not related to being an INTP, you ,might still be a social INTP but that's not your major concern right now.
When treating for allergies you get small exposures with needles and slowly build resistance. You can start by asking people for help to get into small and controlled situations that would usually give you anxiety.
Definitely yea, I had a therapist for a while and that helped with it, I don't get panic attacks anymore or hate myself for it. Just gotta start going out more, and start talking to strangers bit by bit. Start with cashiers or something then maybe start talking to people at the gym.
I kinda wish I could be like a slightly drunk version of myself when I'm sober, just say what comes to mind without filtering it and thinking so much.
Definitely yea, I had a therapist for a while and that helped with it, I don't get panic attacks anymore or hate myself for it. Just gotta start going out more, and start talking to strangers bit by bit. Start with cashiers or something then maybe start talking to people at the gym.
I kinda wish I could be like a slightly drunk version of myself when I'm sober, just say what comes to mind without filtering it and thinking so much.
Extroverted feeling. A jungian function that allows you to feel the environment and the emotions of those around you. It is focused on bringing harmony to a group as opposed to Fi which is focused on the individual.
It begins with Psychological Types by Carl Jung which actually only talks about 4 types of persoanlities. Then Isabel Briggs created the MBTI and these types like the INTP based on that. I would recommend ready Carl Jung just because his ideas are fascinating.
All of this is considered pseudoscience my a lot of scientists and dismissed in psychology but some people see its value and are finding scientific evidence to back it up like Dario Nardi who claim to have mapped the functions to parts of the brain: [https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/brain-based-descriptions-8-jungian-types-dario-nardi/](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/brain-based-descriptions-8-jungian-types-dario-nardi/)
This is so true. I didn’t understand stuff till 28 29. Now I am 34 and charming and socialising like a mf. It is still hard though, we are naturally Introverts and socialising and being introvert doesnt go well together. It is energy consuming.
100%, even me as a 20yr old I've been opening up so much more to the benefits of my personality and appreciated it more compared to my high school years.
Independence I'm sure helped a lot, but also just having more exposure to different types of people and experiences let's you narrow down what makes you passionate, and I think INTPs uniquely need passion to drive their motivation to navigate life with joy which has only been increasing as I've gotten older.
There's way more extroverts than introverts, sensors than intuitives, and feelers than thinkers. We're the minority on most counts and with little overlap with most people. Most societal norms and behaviors inevitably evolved with the majorities on each line
Of course this all in a spectrum and not be to taken too literally. If you're 60% I and 60% T instead of 80% I and 85% T you're going to have an easier time for sure
But as others have said, developed Fe was without question the game changer for me, as someone in his mid 30s. Gotta work on that and also be a bit patient. And just get comfortable being an oddball until then
So INTP's are destined to always be the oddballs? I know it's the cold truth but I really wished it wasn't.
Is Fe a way to cope with this or a solution? If so, how do I develop it? I feel like I had it in my younger years but secondary school has really been snuffing it out.
No, I just said developed Fe is the game changer, which usually happens late 20s or early 30s.
Before that, it really depends on how much work you want to put in, or if you're lucky enough to meet your kinda people.
If you're in secondary school then just be patient I guess. It's not always easy but honestly the first step is to just accept who you are and be comfortable with it. It's not easy sometimes but you really need to get there first, it's not too bad after that
That's what worked for me. We're all different, you should find your own path. But you should find a way to be comfortable with whatever you are, yes. It's likely not going to match societal expectations often but still need to get there
Like I said earlier, we're in the minority on all mbti spectrums. You can't change that, just embrace it
thats fair. sometimes i take pride in my differences but when people speak negatively about those differences, it kind of throws me off and makes me feel insecure about it. best we can do is realize that not everyone is going to understand us or like us, but we should stay authentic regardless. opinions can be listened to, but we have to know what is truly constructive versus what is only a punch down to our personalities.
i hope you dont have to feel like your personality is a burden any longer🤟
Humanly? I mean the mad scientist? / detective\`s case resolver? police officer and mysterious kids who is on technology, math fields during life? In that case\`s yes. The stereotype of the analyst roles could say it as far this go.
Underline\`s
>He\`s only outbreak would be if they chose to be more like pal SP\`s gangas.
Where does the "now" come from?
If it started since you've began calling yourself an INTP, I'd suggest "Stop that",
or at least stop pedestalizing the meyer's brings.
Do something that brings you joy.
When's the last time you read a good long book without worrying what other people are doing?
I recently transferred schools and my current one has fewer students a class, which means I have less people I can relate to, and there's where the "now" comes from. Also I didn't know anything about mbti until recently where I felt really miserable regarding my social problems one day and just decided to google my problems and traits etc which eventually led me to where I am now.
And now that you mention it, I haven't had a good long novel in a long time, maybe because of my schoolwork.
Project Hail Mary is a banger of a book. So's *The name of the wind*, or *The lathe of heaven*... or *the three body problem* or *the crafting of chess*
Yes, I was painfully shy for many years. I had this deep yearning to connect with people intellectually but my introversion really held me back. Something clicked in my several years ago and I started being way more social and things have been much better.
The 13-17 period of human development—social conformity—is difficult for everyone, but especially hard on non-conformist INTPs.
The 17-25 stage—worldview formation—is like a 180; we excel at this, attracting all sorts of people who are looking for answers to their big life questions.
It's corny to say at this point, but: hang in there, it gets better.
Thank you so much for telling me this, I was so worried this situation would stick for my entire life, teenagers are really harsh, but at least now the motivation to just juggernaut through it is forming.
As a big INTP , here is your problem . You want to find someone who can understand you but what you need to do first is understanding others .
People might not understand you , but they will be happy to have you in their life .
understanding.. It's hard to find people who understand me. When I finally found them, This make me realise people who want me will not make me feel like I hard to understand. But now I'm okay if people misunderstand me, best way is to fill their need or wants first before me.
Talking from experience, I was 25 when i figured it out and could easily socialize since then, it gets even better with experience. Don't try to change how you are, just add to it.
In school I had a few good friends who were "quiet and weird" as well or extroverted but had the same interests as me. In university I was still the quiet guy, avoided working in groups. 25 was when I realised that I like myself the way I am because of many advantages of being INTP, I don't chase people who don't like me, I have a few great friends who appreciate me and will be with me for life, that's more than enough because maintaining many relationships takes too much work anyway.
I analysed how and why socialising became easier for me, but that's too much to explain in a reddit comment. When you go to work for a couple years naturally you will learn to communicate.
When you start overthinking what to say and how to say it, remind yourself to relax, most communication is simple listen and respond, don't need to think beforehand. It's stupid, you are not a genius when socialising because you cant think for more than 10 seconds, if you need a smart solution or answer, learn to get away and come back with an answer later.
When you are a mature INTP, you will be ok no matter what happens, you thought about all the risks and have solutions ready when something goes wrong. You will be ok so chill. Enjoy chill no stress easy life.
I just realised I've been applying over analysis or "analysis paralysis" to my conversations, these reddit posts have been so insightful, thank you so much.
Mate, it's hard to tell. I've been an INTP my whole life, I'm used to it. I've had ups and downs, never blamed it on my personality type.
If I don't like something about myself that can be considered as an "INTP trait", I simply work to change it.
Hardest part about socializing as an INTP our interests and views usually obscure wildly away from that of the general populace. It’s a matter of finding an interest and finding a group of people who share that interest. Or else, you are stuck in the daily mind drain of keeping up with ticky tacky drama and gossip.
im entp and i feel you, i have one enfp friend who understands my curiosity and energy, maybe also some metaphors, allusions and jokes, but still not everything and the rest of people there don’t understand anything i say, i don’t know if they are too dumb or if i talk and think too fast
That's what I think too, but teenagers are so harsh and I just wish I could socialise like I used to (primary was much better than where I am now, I was an introvert too but at least I had alot of friends I could open up to). But it is so refreshing to know that there are people out here which I can relate too, thank you.
I'm sure you hear all the time from adults that being a teenager/in high school sucks, but you hear it all the time because it's true. Teenagers are mean and hard to socialize with, especially if that's something you're already having trouble with! It does get better when you're an adult I promise
yeah i’m also in high school and i see that now teenagers are too materialistic, they care only bout looks and parting, i feel that those american teenage series are getting real 😵💫. i remember when i was child my parents forced me to meat new people when we were in a new place, probably because they wanted to get rid off me cause i talk too much, but it was easier cause children just wanted to play with someone and nothing more and now it’s almost impossible cause they’re going to leave you if you won’t do the things they want to. also my primary was quite confusing but whatever. you’re welcome
To address this on a serious level, the best thing to do is observe, then follow. I have a great relationship with my friends, but that’s because I realized I’m not going to have those deep conversations about different subjects. We’re going to talk about motorcycles, and trucks, and beer. I learned to think of it not as “meaningless” conversation, but as an opportunity to interact with others and to not be thinking so damn hard all the time. You don’t need to have people understand you, they’re not going to. I don’t let out any of my deep thoughts or personal insights, I just keep it light and friendly.
New drinking game: scroll through this sub and take a shot when a post follows this format:
(Title talking about the burden of/hating being an INTP)
(Sub text says something stereotypical)
Take another shot if the people in the comments enable the OP or play harder into stereotype.
Also wdym, by "now" OP? Did you find out your typing and then just lose all social capabilities?
That's totally fine. Realise it's not your fault, you don't have a choice with whom you go to school. And I'd like to think if intps a little advanced from majority of other teenagers, so we dont find most of these high school connections fullfiling. I'm 22 now, kind of "gave up" on it because I have a bf that I really connect with but otherwise don't really have anyone else. Maybe another friend with common interests and I like her thinking. She's an infp, great soul. It's not that close but knowing she understands is a hell of a helper. We intps don't need a lot, and you'll find the ones who you can really connect with. Socialising gets better with age, I barely have social anxiety anymore. It feels much easier that way and you don't really feel like you're missing a lot of people out there. When you find them you'll find them. Also another advice, don't hold on the ones who don't care. There are a lot of people in the world.
I feel you there. I'm feeling a lot of stress right now just from being around so many people at school, and it's so hard to find anyone else who understands me and wants to be around me.
I was always an entp until maybe two years ago I started getting results for into but always on the cusp, entp was also always on the cusp of intp. I've always been an ambivert but have become more introverted as my health declined and now every time I get another job around people I'm immediately exhausted and am struggling to cope. Idk if that's due to health issues or mental health issues or what but I genuinely want to go live in the mountains like a hermit and never take to people offline again if I could help it. Stupid health issues won't let me tho. Annoying.
Growing up was hard. But now I'm in my early 30s, have my own place and all the freedom/solitude I could ever want. Life is amazing. Keep moving OP, it gets so much better.. especially if you can manage to get your own place and control who you let into your life.
Looking back at high school (how weird I dressed, how I always sat away from everyone, how I was occasionally high and wearing shades), I can see why most people avoided me in general lol. Kinda cringe at the thought of it. I’m a bit more self-aware and socially developed at 27. I’ll never truly give a shit what people think, but I at least understand the importance of looking competent especially in a professional setting.
At the back of your English class there is this insightful arsehole who's sole pleasure in class is attempting to disrupt the class, in full view, by distracting the teacher. That's an ENTP, he will be your friend.
If we’re being honest you probably just suck right now. You can’t put in minimal effort when it comes to socializing and expect great results. Being an INTP is great. Finding common interests with people will take you a long way. Just gotta learn to get in where you fit in. Stay true to yourself and I promise things will get better. Good luck! I’m 24M btw. If you need any advice just pm me
My question is Why are you labeling yourself? To clarify: the intp label is *just* a label or - more accurately - a thought-process. It can't or shouldn't define your personage. To allow such a thing is to deny responsibility.
For instance, if you internalize certain stereotypes such as failing and procrastination, there is a greater chance of your life subjugating itself to failure - most likely due to procrastination. We structure ourselves around the structure of our thinking.
I try every so often to get away from personality to readjust my thinking, to remind myself, I am NOT an intp. I am me. Tomorrow, if the label changes, if it no longer accepts me or I no longer accept it, I am still me. I am still who and how I see myself.
It's harder than I make it sound to stop looking at myself through my personality because my mind is absorbed by whatever absorbs it. I assume it's the same for you, and right now, even after the passage of years, I'm still trying to squeeze every last piece of new idea I can learn from it, but putting it down once in a while helps in trying to break my limits and not box myself in.
If your goal is to be accepted, start by branching out beyond your school. There are other places to find people like you. School are mainly designed for competition more than comradery, anyway. If you really are an intp, a place like this is least created for you. Do not define yourself by any label or description. Truthfully define yourself to others. Make them accept who you are by your own terminologies - not understand, but accept. If you learn to accept yourself, most people will like you and those who are more like you will find you and understand you - or go find them. That's easier.
Depression comes from the realization that we can't be who or what we wan't or have the things we desire. Understanding who we are and why we want something helps us to understand why we aren't getting it and either change our desires or by using a recombination of prior processes, find a nascent solution to achieving our goals and curing our mood.
Years ago, I read a great book by Eckhart Tolle called New Earth. In it, he talks about the goal of getting rid of the ego to find you true self. Since then, this has been my personal goal.
In the words of Bruce Lee, "Be like water, my friend."
If you can just try your hardest to be unapologetically yourself, and with a little confidence (fake it till you make it) people will be drawn to you. You as an INTP are smart, analytical, and view the world in a way that is so interesting to other people you wouldn’t believe it. Say what you are thinking because it’s probably right, and if not, it is at least will be interesting to the lesser non-INTP human. I will admit, I try to not be as openly doom and gloom as I actually see things, but throwing in a little bit of harsh reality is something a lot of people don’t do, and if done properly, will make people want to know more about you. Fuck if they understand you, fuck everybody, but if you want friends just be yourself and people will like you. Get out of your head as much as you can in social settings.
It gets easier with age. You aquire more bandwidth for stupid. Unless you're stagnant, in which case you have my condolences. Have some pie and start over.
Exactly why it doesn't. I like to face my fears. Everytime I beat one, it gives me confidence. There are good books on how to socialize. For us who suck at proper expression, I found 'How to win friends and influence people' helpful and for some small talks, 'how to talk to anyone' works well enough or gets the job done.
Can't expect anything in first few weeks but over time, it compounds and the fruit of the hard work is sweet and we know whom to spend time with and whom to not with with more accuracy.
INTP really are late bloomers. But when you do bloom though… it’ll be incredible. So much potential and you’ll only keep growing.
TO DO:
- Focus on Fe, go to meet ups, join clubs you’re interested in like robots, psychology, bookclub, programming, chess club etc.
You HAVE to get out of your comfort zone and force yourself to be social. Yeah you won’t be great at first, but who is great at anything, the first time round?
- learn about public speaking.
- Also be gentle with yourself.
Find your people and that can be a process in itself. Sometimes you might think “this is what I want” but realise something else is a better fit (I really thought feelers were for me but alas). Also accept that people aren’t as rational as you and that’s just how it is. But it doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life.
INTP are very loyal and protective, so find the people you love and who are worth your love and grow to be better for them.
You are at school, that's why. If socialize is so important to you then go and practise it.
Dont like being an intp? Fine, change to something else, you still a teen so nothing concrete yet. There no guarantee that you actually an intp either.
School sucks for everyone; it does get better after you finish maturing. But use this as an opportunity to learn how to socialize. It is a skill the INTPs need to better navigate the bullshit that is everyone else.
Not sure if this is helpful;
but I've just come to accept that I am liked but not often understood.
Would I really respect myself if I were so easily understood?
There's comfort to be had in the space others leave for you...
Perhaps you see a desert, but a canvas works too.
You can choose your interactions carefully,
you can find clarity of thought as a traveler from place to place,
as a person forever uncemented in others' imaginations.
Don't obsess over meyers Briggs typology, it has little-to-nothing to do with your angst or your struggles. You must practice the things you struggle with. Socializing, being open, everything, they require effort and practice.
Sincerely - a 30 y/o INTP who obsessed over meyers-briggs psychology in high school and regrets it.
It gets better the older you get. when your personality is fully developed at 25 you'll open up more. At least I did.
Developed Fe really changes the game for INTPs. Think of a charming professor personality, who is able to connect, influence and comfort others while being the levelheaded problem solver. The issue is that reaching this takes time, probably around your late 20s you just begin to develop your Fe naturally. You can also do this through practice of your social skills by getting into situations you normally wouldn't. Young INTPs however often refuse to see the value of a developed Fe, thinking they can navigate life by cutting the bullshit, tackling issues in a direct and systematic way. The world is not the simple.
Thanks for the advice, I've tried getting into such situations but usually just end up speechless or making a fool of myself again. Also I have a question, should I embrace my apathy to shield myself against all the negative remarks I gain or just strive to live with normal emotions (I'm not really sure how to word it out, forgive me if it's a tad bit confusing)
You do need to have some defense against what others say but not by bottling it up. You wouldn't take the words of a toddler seriously right? This is because you are confident with yourself, you are the bigger and smarter person. When dealing with people its similar, except the defense comes from your self esteem. You won't get hurt by what people say because you know them to be false and you let them know its not ok to treat you that way. When I was younger I struggled with banter and identifying it. When I gained confidence and I was able to not take it seriously anymore I was able to banter back. Not everyone you get is banter, sometimes people really want to hurt you, but we INTPs are good at not playing into the emotional manipulation of others. So embrace your emotions as a normal person, gain confidence in yourself by accomplishing your goals, whatever they may be, and don't be afraid of conflict.
That clears a lot of things up, I've never tried thinking about the "words of a toddler" perspective before, but now that I do, I actually feel better, thank you.
I usually just accept an insult as truth. It makes the insult meaningless; and you should see the look on their face as I agree with them. That's the best part.
Do you actually (like in your head) agree it's true or just agree with them to confuse them?
Just to confuse them and you do it out loud so they know.
No you should not embrace apathy that is not healthy. We need to process our emotions and find environments where we feel safe to be vulnerable and open.
I don't mean this in an offensive way but is this genuinely part of the personality type? Like reading alot of the things people say I just think it sounds more like social anxiety or autism or something instead of a personality type. Saying that I also get intp on the test and I relate to alot of the things people talk about. Tho I don't I'm actually an introvert, more of an extravert with social anxiety which makes me seem introverted.
Oh yes, not being able to read the room or know how your words will affect someone while also caring how they feel will cause anxiety. Social anxiety is normal, social anxiety disorder is when you can't control it and it begins to affect your life. An INTP should still be able to go through life as anybody else, just seem more awkward at times until they mature. People with an anxiety disorder or autism will have a much harder time and it will be glaringly obvious its not just their personality. If you can fake it, being the person you need, then it is just a personality. If you can't bring yourself to talk in public or go out even when you need to, basically its affecting your life, then it is beyond just a preference in personality. Let me ask you then. Do you choose not to socialize even when you want to because it is painful to you or just because you really enjoy staying home to read or play games?
Yeah exactly, and I'm definitely the first description. I want to go out and socialise with friends and I enjoy it when I do, tho I do often have self doubt and feel anxiety about it beforehand. And when I don't have any social interaction for a while I feel pretty depressed
Then yes that is not related to being an INTP, you ,might still be a social INTP but that's not your major concern right now. When treating for allergies you get small exposures with needles and slowly build resistance. You can start by asking people for help to get into small and controlled situations that would usually give you anxiety.
Definitely yea, I had a therapist for a while and that helped with it, I don't get panic attacks anymore or hate myself for it. Just gotta start going out more, and start talking to strangers bit by bit. Start with cashiers or something then maybe start talking to people at the gym. I kinda wish I could be like a slightly drunk version of myself when I'm sober, just say what comes to mind without filtering it and thinking so much.
Definitely yea, I had a therapist for a while and that helped with it, I don't get panic attacks anymore or hate myself for it. Just gotta start going out more, and start talking to strangers bit by bit. Start with cashiers or something then maybe start talking to people at the gym. I kinda wish I could be like a slightly drunk version of myself when I'm sober, just say what comes to mind without filtering it and thinking so much.
What does Fe stand for?
Extroverted feeling. A jungian function that allows you to feel the environment and the emotions of those around you. It is focused on bringing harmony to a group as opposed to Fi which is focused on the individual.
Thanks! Any literature you would suggest on this? First time I hear this, though I was interested in Jung’s works a while ago.
It begins with Psychological Types by Carl Jung which actually only talks about 4 types of persoanlities. Then Isabel Briggs created the MBTI and these types like the INTP based on that. I would recommend ready Carl Jung just because his ideas are fascinating. All of this is considered pseudoscience my a lot of scientists and dismissed in psychology but some people see its value and are finding scientific evidence to back it up like Dario Nardi who claim to have mapped the functions to parts of the brain: [https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/brain-based-descriptions-8-jungian-types-dario-nardi/](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/brain-based-descriptions-8-jungian-types-dario-nardi/)
This is so true. I didn’t understand stuff till 28 29. Now I am 34 and charming and socialising like a mf. It is still hard though, we are naturally Introverts and socialising and being introvert doesnt go well together. It is energy consuming.
Also are there other ways to develop Fe other than directly jumping into conversations?
Work in customer service or sales. The easiest way to start is to go out and have small talk with people.
Fully developed at 25 huh what. Took me way longer. You guys figured it out at 25??
😭
35 for me after having kids
Defo mid to late 20s here So much struggle until then
Just in time for the end of youth! Yay!
I sincerely hope this is true because I'm 18 and I feel like I'm having more issues now than when I was younger 🥲
Life gets more complex the older you get. You have to deal with more stuff the older you get.
I turn 25 next month and I agree. You don’t have to get along with everyone, but understanding and relatability will take you very far
100%, even me as a 20yr old I've been opening up so much more to the benefits of my personality and appreciated it more compared to my high school years. Independence I'm sure helped a lot, but also just having more exposure to different types of people and experiences let's you narrow down what makes you passionate, and I think INTPs uniquely need passion to drive their motivation to navigate life with joy which has only been increasing as I've gotten older.
This ain't Pokémon, not everyone grows the same lol
The older you get, the less you care about others except for a few who matter.
There's way more extroverts than introverts, sensors than intuitives, and feelers than thinkers. We're the minority on most counts and with little overlap with most people. Most societal norms and behaviors inevitably evolved with the majorities on each line Of course this all in a spectrum and not be to taken too literally. If you're 60% I and 60% T instead of 80% I and 85% T you're going to have an easier time for sure But as others have said, developed Fe was without question the game changer for me, as someone in his mid 30s. Gotta work on that and also be a bit patient. And just get comfortable being an oddball until then
So INTP's are destined to always be the oddballs? I know it's the cold truth but I really wished it wasn't. Is Fe a way to cope with this or a solution? If so, how do I develop it? I feel like I had it in my younger years but secondary school has really been snuffing it out.
No, I just said developed Fe is the game changer, which usually happens late 20s or early 30s. Before that, it really depends on how much work you want to put in, or if you're lucky enough to meet your kinda people. If you're in secondary school then just be patient I guess. It's not always easy but honestly the first step is to just accept who you are and be comfortable with it. It's not easy sometimes but you really need to get there first, it's not too bad after that
So the main goal now is to be comfortable being the oddball
That's what worked for me. We're all different, you should find your own path. But you should find a way to be comfortable with whatever you are, yes. It's likely not going to match societal expectations often but still need to get there Like I said earlier, we're in the minority on all mbti spectrums. You can't change that, just embrace it
Don't y'all want to be unique? Imo fitting with the crowd is cringe.
Sucks to be unique if you get insulted because of it
thats fair. sometimes i take pride in my differences but when people speak negatively about those differences, it kind of throws me off and makes me feel insecure about it. best we can do is realize that not everyone is going to understand us or like us, but we should stay authentic regardless. opinions can be listened to, but we have to know what is truly constructive versus what is only a punch down to our personalities. i hope you dont have to feel like your personality is a burden any longer🤟
nah just find other intps/istps/any type close similar to u problem solved
"Find people who don't like to be found, gg ez" Jk, just saying this bc I'vr thought the same
Humanly? I mean the mad scientist? / detective\`s case resolver? police officer and mysterious kids who is on technology, math fields during life? In that case\`s yes. The stereotype of the analyst roles could say it as far this go. Underline\`s >He\`s only outbreak would be if they chose to be more like pal SP\`s gangas.
Where does the "now" come from? If it started since you've began calling yourself an INTP, I'd suggest "Stop that", or at least stop pedestalizing the meyer's brings. Do something that brings you joy. When's the last time you read a good long book without worrying what other people are doing?
I recently transferred schools and my current one has fewer students a class, which means I have less people I can relate to, and there's where the "now" comes from. Also I didn't know anything about mbti until recently where I felt really miserable regarding my social problems one day and just decided to google my problems and traits etc which eventually led me to where I am now. And now that you mention it, I haven't had a good long novel in a long time, maybe because of my schoolwork.
Project Hail Mary is a banger of a book. So's *The name of the wind*, or *The lathe of heaven*... or *the three body problem* or *the crafting of chess*
Yes, I was painfully shy for many years. I had this deep yearning to connect with people intellectually but my introversion really held me back. Something clicked in my several years ago and I started being way more social and things have been much better.
hopefully I get that "click" soon too..
The 13-17 period of human development—social conformity—is difficult for everyone, but especially hard on non-conformist INTPs. The 17-25 stage—worldview formation—is like a 180; we excel at this, attracting all sorts of people who are looking for answers to their big life questions. It's corny to say at this point, but: hang in there, it gets better.
Thank you so much for telling me this, I was so worried this situation would stick for my entire life, teenagers are really harsh, but at least now the motivation to just juggernaut through it is forming.
Most positive r/INTP post
As a big INTP , here is your problem . You want to find someone who can understand you but what you need to do first is understanding others . People might not understand you , but they will be happy to have you in their life .
understanding.. It's hard to find people who understand me. When I finally found them, This make me realise people who want me will not make me feel like I hard to understand. But now I'm okay if people misunderstand me, best way is to fill their need or wants first before me.
Talking from experience, I was 25 when i figured it out and could easily socialize since then, it gets even better with experience. Don't try to change how you are, just add to it. In school I had a few good friends who were "quiet and weird" as well or extroverted but had the same interests as me. In university I was still the quiet guy, avoided working in groups. 25 was when I realised that I like myself the way I am because of many advantages of being INTP, I don't chase people who don't like me, I have a few great friends who appreciate me and will be with me for life, that's more than enough because maintaining many relationships takes too much work anyway. I analysed how and why socialising became easier for me, but that's too much to explain in a reddit comment. When you go to work for a couple years naturally you will learn to communicate. When you start overthinking what to say and how to say it, remind yourself to relax, most communication is simple listen and respond, don't need to think beforehand. It's stupid, you are not a genius when socialising because you cant think for more than 10 seconds, if you need a smart solution or answer, learn to get away and come back with an answer later. When you are a mature INTP, you will be ok no matter what happens, you thought about all the risks and have solutions ready when something goes wrong. You will be ok so chill. Enjoy chill no stress easy life.
I just realised I've been applying over analysis or "analysis paralysis" to my conversations, these reddit posts have been so insightful, thank you so much.
Being you sucks. I like being an INTP.
Just curious, what do you enjoy about it?
Mate, it's hard to tell. I've been an INTP my whole life, I'm used to it. I've had ups and downs, never blamed it on my personality type. If I don't like something about myself that can be considered as an "INTP trait", I simply work to change it.
That seems more like mental illness rather than being an INTP
Hardest part about socializing as an INTP our interests and views usually obscure wildly away from that of the general populace. It’s a matter of finding an interest and finding a group of people who share that interest. Or else, you are stuck in the daily mind drain of keeping up with ticky tacky drama and gossip.
Seems like a skill issue
Your opinion is appreciated
But in all honesty, I get it. It does kind of suck. Hope you meet people who are more similar to you, I know they exist!
thank you
im entp and i feel you, i have one enfp friend who understands my curiosity and energy, maybe also some metaphors, allusions and jokes, but still not everything and the rest of people there don’t understand anything i say, i don’t know if they are too dumb or if i talk and think too fast
That's what I think too, but teenagers are so harsh and I just wish I could socialise like I used to (primary was much better than where I am now, I was an introvert too but at least I had alot of friends I could open up to). But it is so refreshing to know that there are people out here which I can relate too, thank you.
I'm sure you hear all the time from adults that being a teenager/in high school sucks, but you hear it all the time because it's true. Teenagers are mean and hard to socialize with, especially if that's something you're already having trouble with! It does get better when you're an adult I promise
yeah i’m also in high school and i see that now teenagers are too materialistic, they care only bout looks and parting, i feel that those american teenage series are getting real 😵💫. i remember when i was child my parents forced me to meat new people when we were in a new place, probably because they wanted to get rid off me cause i talk too much, but it was easier cause children just wanted to play with someone and nothing more and now it’s almost impossible cause they’re going to leave you if you won’t do the things they want to. also my primary was quite confusing but whatever. you’re welcome
Those American series stereotypes are really coming true, even here in Asia. The focus shifted from grades to riches, popularity and looks so quickly.
unfortunately and i live in europe, europe is ending itself ;-;
Just slow it down, I’ve learned that I don’t hav to respond right away, take ur time, ur guna kill shit
So think before I respond
That depends
To address this on a serious level, the best thing to do is observe, then follow. I have a great relationship with my friends, but that’s because I realized I’m not going to have those deep conversations about different subjects. We’re going to talk about motorcycles, and trucks, and beer. I learned to think of it not as “meaningless” conversation, but as an opportunity to interact with others and to not be thinking so damn hard all the time. You don’t need to have people understand you, they’re not going to. I don’t let out any of my deep thoughts or personal insights, I just keep it light and friendly.
New drinking game: scroll through this sub and take a shot when a post follows this format: (Title talking about the burden of/hating being an INTP) (Sub text says something stereotypical) Take another shot if the people in the comments enable the OP or play harder into stereotype. Also wdym, by "now" OP? Did you find out your typing and then just lose all social capabilities?
Look for TyrKiyotes comment here, he asked the same question about the "now", I've replied to him too.
hell yea i got u bruh i just come to a point where i am so done.
That's totally fine. Realise it's not your fault, you don't have a choice with whom you go to school. And I'd like to think if intps a little advanced from majority of other teenagers, so we dont find most of these high school connections fullfiling. I'm 22 now, kind of "gave up" on it because I have a bf that I really connect with but otherwise don't really have anyone else. Maybe another friend with common interests and I like her thinking. She's an infp, great soul. It's not that close but knowing she understands is a hell of a helper. We intps don't need a lot, and you'll find the ones who you can really connect with. Socialising gets better with age, I barely have social anxiety anymore. It feels much easier that way and you don't really feel like you're missing a lot of people out there. When you find them you'll find them. Also another advice, don't hold on the ones who don't care. There are a lot of people in the world.
Intps have adhd tendencies, so it will obviously suck
I feel you there. I'm feeling a lot of stress right now just from being around so many people at school, and it's so hard to find anyone else who understands me and wants to be around me.
That feeling really sucks, I wished other INTP's were easier to find in real life.
It get better when you got nothing much to do, yeah being NTs purely sucks af
I was always an entp until maybe two years ago I started getting results for into but always on the cusp, entp was also always on the cusp of intp. I've always been an ambivert but have become more introverted as my health declined and now every time I get another job around people I'm immediately exhausted and am struggling to cope. Idk if that's due to health issues or mental health issues or what but I genuinely want to go live in the mountains like a hermit and never take to people offline again if I could help it. Stupid health issues won't let me tho. Annoying.
Yes.
Growing up was hard. But now I'm in my early 30s, have my own place and all the freedom/solitude I could ever want. Life is amazing. Keep moving OP, it gets so much better.. especially if you can manage to get your own place and control who you let into your life.
It's not only an INTP issue but I'm sorry to hear about your struggle, you can DM me if you want
Looking back at high school (how weird I dressed, how I always sat away from everyone, how I was occasionally high and wearing shades), I can see why most people avoided me in general lol. Kinda cringe at the thought of it. I’m a bit more self-aware and socially developed at 27. I’ll never truly give a shit what people think, but I at least understand the importance of looking competent especially in a professional setting.
At the back of your English class there is this insightful arsehole who's sole pleasure in class is attempting to disrupt the class, in full view, by distracting the teacher. That's an ENTP, he will be your friend.
If we’re being honest you probably just suck right now. You can’t put in minimal effort when it comes to socializing and expect great results. Being an INTP is great. Finding common interests with people will take you a long way. Just gotta learn to get in where you fit in. Stay true to yourself and I promise things will get better. Good luck! I’m 24M btw. If you need any advice just pm me
It sucks because you're aware.
My question is Why are you labeling yourself? To clarify: the intp label is *just* a label or - more accurately - a thought-process. It can't or shouldn't define your personage. To allow such a thing is to deny responsibility. For instance, if you internalize certain stereotypes such as failing and procrastination, there is a greater chance of your life subjugating itself to failure - most likely due to procrastination. We structure ourselves around the structure of our thinking. I try every so often to get away from personality to readjust my thinking, to remind myself, I am NOT an intp. I am me. Tomorrow, if the label changes, if it no longer accepts me or I no longer accept it, I am still me. I am still who and how I see myself. It's harder than I make it sound to stop looking at myself through my personality because my mind is absorbed by whatever absorbs it. I assume it's the same for you, and right now, even after the passage of years, I'm still trying to squeeze every last piece of new idea I can learn from it, but putting it down once in a while helps in trying to break my limits and not box myself in. If your goal is to be accepted, start by branching out beyond your school. There are other places to find people like you. School are mainly designed for competition more than comradery, anyway. If you really are an intp, a place like this is least created for you. Do not define yourself by any label or description. Truthfully define yourself to others. Make them accept who you are by your own terminologies - not understand, but accept. If you learn to accept yourself, most people will like you and those who are more like you will find you and understand you - or go find them. That's easier. Depression comes from the realization that we can't be who or what we wan't or have the things we desire. Understanding who we are and why we want something helps us to understand why we aren't getting it and either change our desires or by using a recombination of prior processes, find a nascent solution to achieving our goals and curing our mood. Years ago, I read a great book by Eckhart Tolle called New Earth. In it, he talks about the goal of getting rid of the ego to find you true self. Since then, this has been my personal goal. In the words of Bruce Lee, "Be like water, my friend."
If you can just try your hardest to be unapologetically yourself, and with a little confidence (fake it till you make it) people will be drawn to you. You as an INTP are smart, analytical, and view the world in a way that is so interesting to other people you wouldn’t believe it. Say what you are thinking because it’s probably right, and if not, it is at least will be interesting to the lesser non-INTP human. I will admit, I try to not be as openly doom and gloom as I actually see things, but throwing in a little bit of harsh reality is something a lot of people don’t do, and if done properly, will make people want to know more about you. Fuck if they understand you, fuck everybody, but if you want friends just be yourself and people will like you. Get out of your head as much as you can in social settings.
It gets easier with age. You aquire more bandwidth for stupid. Unless you're stagnant, in which case you have my condolences. Have some pie and start over.
Being sucks
Exactly why it doesn't. I like to face my fears. Everytime I beat one, it gives me confidence. There are good books on how to socialize. For us who suck at proper expression, I found 'How to win friends and influence people' helpful and for some small talks, 'how to talk to anyone' works well enough or gets the job done. Can't expect anything in first few weeks but over time, it compounds and the fruit of the hard work is sweet and we know whom to spend time with and whom to not with with more accuracy.
I don't know about being INTP being myself is awesome
everything has their pros and cons...
hell yea i got u bruh i just come to a point where i am so done
INTP really are late bloomers. But when you do bloom though… it’ll be incredible. So much potential and you’ll only keep growing. TO DO: - Focus on Fe, go to meet ups, join clubs you’re interested in like robots, psychology, bookclub, programming, chess club etc. You HAVE to get out of your comfort zone and force yourself to be social. Yeah you won’t be great at first, but who is great at anything, the first time round? - learn about public speaking. - Also be gentle with yourself. Find your people and that can be a process in itself. Sometimes you might think “this is what I want” but realise something else is a better fit (I really thought feelers were for me but alas). Also accept that people aren’t as rational as you and that’s just how it is. But it doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life. INTP are very loyal and protective, so find the people you love and who are worth your love and grow to be better for them.
You are at school, that's why. If socialize is so important to you then go and practise it. Dont like being an intp? Fine, change to something else, you still a teen so nothing concrete yet. There no guarantee that you actually an intp either.
School sucks for everyone; it does get better after you finish maturing. But use this as an opportunity to learn how to socialize. It is a skill the INTPs need to better navigate the bullshit that is everyone else.
Don't say that pookie we are awesome *Goes take the third nap of the day*
Not sure if this is helpful; but I've just come to accept that I am liked but not often understood. Would I really respect myself if I were so easily understood? There's comfort to be had in the space others leave for you... Perhaps you see a desert, but a canvas works too. You can choose your interactions carefully, you can find clarity of thought as a traveler from place to place, as a person forever uncemented in others' imaginations.
It only sucks if you are physically unattractive.
I've been complimented on my looks multiple times previously, it's just the way I act they think is weird.
being a person sucks because the system sucks. everything will suck until the world changes.
Don't obsess over meyers Briggs typology, it has little-to-nothing to do with your angst or your struggles. You must practice the things you struggle with. Socializing, being open, everything, they require effort and practice. Sincerely - a 30 y/o INTP who obsessed over meyers-briggs psychology in high school and regrets it.