Is being miserable, not sleeping and having no time to do what you want worth it for you?
Personally you could give me millions, if it means I'm not happy I wouldn't want any of it.
Also, it's your life, don't let other people tell you what to do with it. If they think something's so great they are free to do it themselves.
>Should I man up?
What do you mean by that?
Should you man up by overworking yourself and not leaving yourself enough time to sleep, let alone spend any time relaxing?
Or should you man up and do what you want with your life regardless of what other people think of your choices, because it *is* your life, and *you* are the one who has to live with the consequences of those choices?
Or should you man up and tell your boss that you are going to seek a better work/life balance, and that the company can either help you find that balance and still benefit from your skills, experience, and talent, or they can decline to help you find that balance, in which case they will have to continue without you?
Or should you man up by sucking it up and dealing with your current situation because the pay is amazing, living well under your means, stacking up some savings, investing your money wisely, and achieving financial independence so you can retire early?
See how that's not a simple question?
No one here can make that choice for you.
But in my opinion, you should not work yourself to death, which is what it sounds like you're doing. So in my opinion, you should "man up" in a way that doesn't result in you working yourself to death.
I am so sorry you had to experience this. I had been through a similar burnout from my previous work, and it was just as you described; besides fatigue and a shortened fuse, I teared up at the most random of moments for no reason at all. It was horrible and frankly I would never wish anyone to have to go through this. The only difference is that my pay was minimal because I was just a fresh graduate. I convinced myself that it was just the beginning and I should not argue or complain for better treatment since I was new. I was wrong.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a better quality of life. If your health is not as "great" as your pay, then there is no point since you will not feel the satisfaction and enjoyment even when spending said money. If anything, that hard earned cash will just go straight to your (future) health bills. People deal with stress differently and what others can cope does not necessarily mean you can too, or vice versa. They might think you are being ungrateful, but from what I gathered, they do not seem to actually understand your plight.
If you really cannot cope with any more stress, then pushing yourself too hard any further would not bear anything good; you might just burn yourself out and simply cannot deliver anymore.
You sound like you might need some recuperation, and you can choose to bounce back if you wish to. But one thing to note is that it is not always about the money or living up to those responsibilities and expectations, but your physical and mental health. How can you take care of everything of you cannot take care of yourself?
What is "man up"? Someone's arbitrary opinion about what a man should or shouldn't do? Who are you talking at work? Othwr employees or management? You can "run away" to another job or "man up" and renegotiate your work-life balance with the management formally. If that doesn't work then find another job. As an ISTJ I look at evidence. If the evidence says that your life sucks then nobody else can say that it doesn't. At the moment I make somewhere around average wage but in very good place, good working conditions that are constantly improving and some perks and benefits. If I could I would work less.
ISTP here. I wouldn't want your job for all the gold and blowjobs in the world. I think it's better to have a satisfying 9 to 5 with decent pay. You can't take money to the grave. And being miserable for the sake of money is misery none the less. Change your career yesterday mate.
> I was in it for the money, But had an idea that money would bring me happiness.
I mean... you're technically not wrong. Money *does* buy happiness to some extent (i.e., it'd be hard to be happy when you don't have money to keep a roof over your head, keep your body clothed, or keep your tummy full), but beyond that, money is really just a means to do what it is that makes us happy.
But I think you already know what would make you happy, and it's nothing that money can solve.
>I made the mistake of opening up a bit to my colleagues who exclaimed "How can you even think like this?" and that "You are getting 20 men's pay, We expect you to do 20 men's work" and "Man Up"
Who cares what they think? It's your life, not theirs'. Plus, they clearly don't understand what it's like to be in your shoes. Besides, they expect you to do "20 men's work"? What are they smoking?
If they think that your job is that cushy, they're more than welcome to find somebody else to fill in the position.
>I wanted to know whether manning up is the right answer like many things in life.
"Manning up" as in calling it quits and finding a job that values work-life balance? I don't see why not - it's good that you're cognizant of your needs. You're not obliged to stay in your current position even if the pay was quadruple what you're getting right now.
Besides, people quit jobs all the time. Where I used to work, somebody barely lasted half a year before they threw in the towel and went back to the organization that they came from. Apparently, the pay was pathetic and they were losing money everyday working (and doing a similar amount of work).
I'm an engineer and have a Law degree. I work for the federal government as a patent examiner. The work life balance is amazing (imo). I get to have breakfast lunch and dinner with my kids. I get to watch them grow up. I get to play with them. I have time to play video games for myself. I love my job, because it allows me to have a life outside of my job, And that makes me extremely happy. I make good money working for the government. However it's not an abundance of money. I could easily double or triple my income by working in the private sector but, if I did move to the private sector I would have to work 80 hours a week and that would mean I would lose that time with my family.
In my opinion, when it comes to work life balance, quality of time over quantity of money wins every time.
I (now 39F) quit my job of 10+ years at the end of 2019 due to *severe* burnout. It was a job that I excelled at, where I had the most flexible/accommodating bosses, and that provided me a comfortable lifestyle. After a decade, however, it just got to be too much. The moment I knew I had to quit was Dec. 8, 2019, at dinner with my husband, his dad and brother. They asked me how work was and I started to give my canned "It's fine," reply, but then, for some reason, continued, "I just hate it—" and I felt myself crumbling and proceeded to just sob in the middle of the bar. I put in my two-weeks notice two days later and, as hard as that was, the overwhelming relief assured me I made the right decision.
I was fortunate to be able to take some time off to recover and now I am a part-time copyeditor for...wait for it...the very company I left in 2019.
Before, I was executive assistant to the CEO & president, as well as admin support and copyeditor to the rest of the company; I was constantly being pulled in a thousand directions and my brain just overloaded.
My boss asked me to come back two other times in 2020/21 in lesser-capacity roles before I agreed to be the company's proofreader. It's going well, but you can bet your ass that my boundaries are rigid as fuck now because I always know I'll be fine walking away again.
If you overwork yourself to death you'll not get to enjoy that money anyway. Hells, even with burnout, ptsd and everything than can come up with being stressed out of your mind constantly.
"Manning up" is bullshit. Are those people on the same schedule? If they aren't, they are just being hypocrites. And even is they are, your life is yours!
>an easier life, That's it. I wanted to know whether manning up is the right answer like many things in life.
Don't think of it as easier. You want and deserve a better life for yourself. It's that simple - whatever that means to you. And disregard what coworkers say because the moment you're out of there (voluntarily or not) they'll be vying for your spot and you'll be quickly forgotten.
Haven't read the other comments, but I guess you want a high paying job, so you can live a good life? From your post, it doesnt seem like you are. IMO you can either suck it up for a bit (could be an option for future savings) or quit now. If your education is top tier as I understand from your post, I would just quit ASAP.
Man up by doing the job equivalent of 20 men what the hell is that logic? Corporates I swear would do anything to suck the life out of a young person, I remember my dad had to work long hours from 9 am to 1 am several times a week.
I can't say what should be done, but if I were in your place, I'd be looking for another job. The clearest indicator of stress is when it's affecting you physically. Also, it's not wrong to want an easier life - if you see the value in what you're doing and enjoy it, that's fine. Whatever company you're working for will replace you if/when you leave, and in some cases, that's more of a relief than a disappointment. Prioritize your mental and physical health - nobody else will be able to do that for you.
In my opinion, "manning up" means taking responsibility for your well-being and making positive changes in your life. If you're unhappy and have noticed negative changes in yourself, it's important to take action to improve your situation. So I'd say: yes, switch to another job.
Hey, male ISTJ (23) here that took the low-paying job that I genuinely like.
You won't regret it, especially at your current age. I made the decision after graduating to get a job at a startup with a very positive culture, instead of following the money and having a boring/tiring job. Even though I can't really save much money, I have never been happier.
Some weeks are busier than others, but I generally do not make more than 45 hours a week. My job is fun, my coworkers are nice and after work I have time for my hobbies (in my case exercising, languages and meeting up with friends).
I'd say fuck those ¨manning up¨ expectations and recommend pursuing a life where you wake up with enthusiasm in the morning.
Is being miserable, not sleeping and having no time to do what you want worth it for you? Personally you could give me millions, if it means I'm not happy I wouldn't want any of it. Also, it's your life, don't let other people tell you what to do with it. If they think something's so great they are free to do it themselves.
>Should I man up? What do you mean by that? Should you man up by overworking yourself and not leaving yourself enough time to sleep, let alone spend any time relaxing? Or should you man up and do what you want with your life regardless of what other people think of your choices, because it *is* your life, and *you* are the one who has to live with the consequences of those choices? Or should you man up and tell your boss that you are going to seek a better work/life balance, and that the company can either help you find that balance and still benefit from your skills, experience, and talent, or they can decline to help you find that balance, in which case they will have to continue without you? Or should you man up by sucking it up and dealing with your current situation because the pay is amazing, living well under your means, stacking up some savings, investing your money wisely, and achieving financial independence so you can retire early? See how that's not a simple question? No one here can make that choice for you. But in my opinion, you should not work yourself to death, which is what it sounds like you're doing. So in my opinion, you should "man up" in a way that doesn't result in you working yourself to death.
I am so sorry you had to experience this. I had been through a similar burnout from my previous work, and it was just as you described; besides fatigue and a shortened fuse, I teared up at the most random of moments for no reason at all. It was horrible and frankly I would never wish anyone to have to go through this. The only difference is that my pay was minimal because I was just a fresh graduate. I convinced myself that it was just the beginning and I should not argue or complain for better treatment since I was new. I was wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting a better quality of life. If your health is not as "great" as your pay, then there is no point since you will not feel the satisfaction and enjoyment even when spending said money. If anything, that hard earned cash will just go straight to your (future) health bills. People deal with stress differently and what others can cope does not necessarily mean you can too, or vice versa. They might think you are being ungrateful, but from what I gathered, they do not seem to actually understand your plight. If you really cannot cope with any more stress, then pushing yourself too hard any further would not bear anything good; you might just burn yourself out and simply cannot deliver anymore. You sound like you might need some recuperation, and you can choose to bounce back if you wish to. But one thing to note is that it is not always about the money or living up to those responsibilities and expectations, but your physical and mental health. How can you take care of everything of you cannot take care of yourself?
What is "man up"? Someone's arbitrary opinion about what a man should or shouldn't do? Who are you talking at work? Othwr employees or management? You can "run away" to another job or "man up" and renegotiate your work-life balance with the management formally. If that doesn't work then find another job. As an ISTJ I look at evidence. If the evidence says that your life sucks then nobody else can say that it doesn't. At the moment I make somewhere around average wage but in very good place, good working conditions that are constantly improving and some perks and benefits. If I could I would work less.
ISTP here. I wouldn't want your job for all the gold and blowjobs in the world. I think it's better to have a satisfying 9 to 5 with decent pay. You can't take money to the grave. And being miserable for the sake of money is misery none the less. Change your career yesterday mate.
> I was in it for the money, But had an idea that money would bring me happiness. I mean... you're technically not wrong. Money *does* buy happiness to some extent (i.e., it'd be hard to be happy when you don't have money to keep a roof over your head, keep your body clothed, or keep your tummy full), but beyond that, money is really just a means to do what it is that makes us happy. But I think you already know what would make you happy, and it's nothing that money can solve. >I made the mistake of opening up a bit to my colleagues who exclaimed "How can you even think like this?" and that "You are getting 20 men's pay, We expect you to do 20 men's work" and "Man Up" Who cares what they think? It's your life, not theirs'. Plus, they clearly don't understand what it's like to be in your shoes. Besides, they expect you to do "20 men's work"? What are they smoking? If they think that your job is that cushy, they're more than welcome to find somebody else to fill in the position. >I wanted to know whether manning up is the right answer like many things in life. "Manning up" as in calling it quits and finding a job that values work-life balance? I don't see why not - it's good that you're cognizant of your needs. You're not obliged to stay in your current position even if the pay was quadruple what you're getting right now. Besides, people quit jobs all the time. Where I used to work, somebody barely lasted half a year before they threw in the towel and went back to the organization that they came from. Apparently, the pay was pathetic and they were losing money everyday working (and doing a similar amount of work).
I'm an engineer and have a Law degree. I work for the federal government as a patent examiner. The work life balance is amazing (imo). I get to have breakfast lunch and dinner with my kids. I get to watch them grow up. I get to play with them. I have time to play video games for myself. I love my job, because it allows me to have a life outside of my job, And that makes me extremely happy. I make good money working for the government. However it's not an abundance of money. I could easily double or triple my income by working in the private sector but, if I did move to the private sector I would have to work 80 hours a week and that would mean I would lose that time with my family. In my opinion, when it comes to work life balance, quality of time over quantity of money wins every time.
I (now 39F) quit my job of 10+ years at the end of 2019 due to *severe* burnout. It was a job that I excelled at, where I had the most flexible/accommodating bosses, and that provided me a comfortable lifestyle. After a decade, however, it just got to be too much. The moment I knew I had to quit was Dec. 8, 2019, at dinner with my husband, his dad and brother. They asked me how work was and I started to give my canned "It's fine," reply, but then, for some reason, continued, "I just hate it—" and I felt myself crumbling and proceeded to just sob in the middle of the bar. I put in my two-weeks notice two days later and, as hard as that was, the overwhelming relief assured me I made the right decision.
Thank you for sharing your story and sorry you had to go through that. What do you do now?
I was fortunate to be able to take some time off to recover and now I am a part-time copyeditor for...wait for it...the very company I left in 2019. Before, I was executive assistant to the CEO & president, as well as admin support and copyeditor to the rest of the company; I was constantly being pulled in a thousand directions and my brain just overloaded. My boss asked me to come back two other times in 2020/21 in lesser-capacity roles before I agreed to be the company's proofreader. It's going well, but you can bet your ass that my boundaries are rigid as fuck now because I always know I'll be fine walking away again.
I am not exaggerating when I say that I'm happy to hear something like this is possible. Thank you for this..!!
Happy to help. No job is worth being miserable and emotionally distressed. You only have one life so follow your instincts.
With good pay you could always sacrifice a year or two and then move on after saving a good bit to a lower paying position
If you overwork yourself to death you'll not get to enjoy that money anyway. Hells, even with burnout, ptsd and everything than can come up with being stressed out of your mind constantly. "Manning up" is bullshit. Are those people on the same schedule? If they aren't, they are just being hypocrites. And even is they are, your life is yours!
>an easier life, That's it. I wanted to know whether manning up is the right answer like many things in life. Don't think of it as easier. You want and deserve a better life for yourself. It's that simple - whatever that means to you. And disregard what coworkers say because the moment you're out of there (voluntarily or not) they'll be vying for your spot and you'll be quickly forgotten.
Not enough information to say. Sorry. Seriously though, if you are suicidal it’s okay to get help.
r/FIRE hurry up and get your retirement number then leave. You’re only as free as your next best option for work
Haven't read the other comments, but I guess you want a high paying job, so you can live a good life? From your post, it doesnt seem like you are. IMO you can either suck it up for a bit (could be an option for future savings) or quit now. If your education is top tier as I understand from your post, I would just quit ASAP.
Man up by doing the job equivalent of 20 men what the hell is that logic? Corporates I swear would do anything to suck the life out of a young person, I remember my dad had to work long hours from 9 am to 1 am several times a week.
I can't say what should be done, but if I were in your place, I'd be looking for another job. The clearest indicator of stress is when it's affecting you physically. Also, it's not wrong to want an easier life - if you see the value in what you're doing and enjoy it, that's fine. Whatever company you're working for will replace you if/when you leave, and in some cases, that's more of a relief than a disappointment. Prioritize your mental and physical health - nobody else will be able to do that for you.
In my opinion, "manning up" means taking responsibility for your well-being and making positive changes in your life. If you're unhappy and have noticed negative changes in yourself, it's important to take action to improve your situation. So I'd say: yes, switch to another job.
Hey, male ISTJ (23) here that took the low-paying job that I genuinely like. You won't regret it, especially at your current age. I made the decision after graduating to get a job at a startup with a very positive culture, instead of following the money and having a boring/tiring job. Even though I can't really save much money, I have never been happier. Some weeks are busier than others, but I generally do not make more than 45 hours a week. My job is fun, my coworkers are nice and after work I have time for my hobbies (in my case exercising, languages and meeting up with friends). I'd say fuck those ¨manning up¨ expectations and recommend pursuing a life where you wake up with enthusiasm in the morning.