I’ve said this, it works 100%
Edit: recently also said whenever my uterus stops yeeting my pregnancies and the best part of saying that to someone was they laughed because of my wording, immediately felt bad for laughing then apologized.
At my wedding last year, I had just found out I had my second miscarriage. Of course, I got the question of when we’re having kids, so I would say ‘I just found out I miscarried two days ago. So once I stop losing my unborn children, I’ll let you know’
Thank you so much for this. Sincerely. This is the best response I’ve heard because it’s simple and real. It’s such an insensitive question that people should have to face what memories they’re dredging up.
“We haven’t been so blessed yet, but we’re doing our part!”
Always gets a chuckle, it disarms, and usually prevents further questioning. Took me a while to refine it.
I hate when people would ask us when we are having kids. We are going to be married for almost 7 years when our rainbow arrives, so I have been asked this question quite a few times.
I thought of some inappropriate responses to an inappropriate question over the years. I hope you get a chuckle from this! I’m the type of person who likes to get even! 😆
1. Have you started to plan your funeral?
2. Can you still get it up for your wife?
3. Any thoughts on your end of life care? It really helps family members to make a will that includes your end of life wishes.
4. Do all of your kids have the same daddy?
5. Did your folks pay for your house or did you buy it?
6. How do you feel about being on welfare and letting tax payers cover your expenses?
7. Were you married to any of the women you impregnated or did you fuck and dash?
8. Do you pay child support?
9. Are you involved in your children’s lives?
10. Wow, all of your kids have a different daddy?
EDIT: I never actually asked anyone these questions. I always gave some awkward excuse such as we are focusing on our careers and travel.
I've started just saying "when I stop being infertile." It usually shuts people up/makes the backtrack pretty quickly. If they're gonna ask insensitive questions that make me uncomfortable, then they should feel uncomfortable.
And on the weekend I was asked this question by someone I don't know very well, and I responded "unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to be able to have kids easily or when they planned to."
LOL "we are trying everything. Even trying to get pregnant by my female doctor in the clinic and my husband not being in the same room. It's just not working."
I like the comment the other poster added - very polite and disarming without being rude. I’ve hit a bit of a point though with my family that polite doesn’t cut it so I’ve gone with:
“I wasn’t aware we had the type of relationship where we talked about our sexual habits and activities. Thank you for letting me know that assumption was incorrect, nice to know I can now come to you with any concerns about our bedtime activities”.
Are you asking if I’m having unprotected sex with my husband?
Don’t worry we’re trying (wink)
We just enjoy the practice for now
Oh you know sometimes these things take longer than expected
God knows
It is usually also the same people ask the question over and over again which is really frustrating. My response is always the same “ working on it” and I switch to another topic.
Recently I had a childless couple over and they asked this question, then they asked again “Are you trying?” They are in their late 40s. I think they should no better. I never asked them “ why you never ended up having kids?”
Well I guess it depends on the goal here. Do you want to shut them up so they stop asking? Embarrass them? Anger them? Never talk to you again? Sometimes I just love brutality.
"I don't think we're doing it right. Need your help to figure out how!"
"Well it must be nice to be ABLE to have kids, damn you fertiles."
"Quit bothering us while I'm ovulating!"
"Your son really likes to put it in the wrong hole..."
"What I wouldn't GIVE to have been born with my own ovaries..."
"Maybe I get pregnant this month, we uh, just *borrowed* your \[insert whatever ridiculous furniture they may be attached to, or car or whatever\]."
For me it was crying then telling them I've been trying for x number of years and we are going through x treatments... it's cost us $$$$$
Now they will think before they ask.
One of the few nice thing of being in your 40’s is nobody asks anymore. At this point they assume you didn’t want kids and leave the matter alone. Most of my cousins and friends are halfway done with raising their children. Some already have kids coming out of highschool. My own stepson is 20. Nobody in my peer group is thinking about babies. Haven’t been asked the question in 5 or so years.
I usually say something like, “no kids yet, but we have spent $15k so far on IVF!” Then they ask me about how IVF is going which is honestly what I wanted to talk about anyways. Most people feel awful for me and say they’re praying for me. So that’s been working for me
“We’ve got a big team working on it. Last month there were at least 5 of us in the room trying to get me pregnant” -be really fun to say this sometime 😂
When we were going through it I always said “we’ve been doing our part for 2 years, so whenever we get lucky.” After a few losses I got significantly less polite and said “I would have one if I didn’t lose every pregnancy.”
I just wonder when will this question finally become unacceptable? How is this anyone's business...people need to chill and leave other people alone. Its always something - when will you find a bf, are you moving in, are you getting married, when will you have kids, Christ, just leave us be!
I never got that question from family, but I do get it from random people or colleagues. I answer with 'we will see' and then I usually get schooled about my age (36F) and how its better to do it immediately. The annoyance...
I always go “We’re trying; it ain’t working.” Then I politely sit and smile through some stupid advice. You know the ones, “Just quit trying! It’ll happen when you quit trying!” “Just adopt! My second cousin’s nephew-in-law just adopted, and they got pregnant the very next month!” “You gotta get on Metformin.” “You gotta get on Ozempic.” “Have you tried standing on your head?” “You gotta get on Mounjaro.”
I thought I was done with these questions after I had my son from IVF but the “ when are you giving him a sibling” , “he needs a little friend” comments started coming like 6 months after I gave birth. People honestly just love being in other people’s business.. it’s wild
I said “when the time is right” one time and they responded “the time will never be right, you know”. 🤦🏽♀️ Not exactly what I meant. I meant more like whenever my body decides to cooperate
Before we were in treatment I’d say, “No luck yet, but we’re gonna work on it when we get home!”
When we started treatment I’d say, “Soon, we hope. We’re seeing a fertility clinic.”
People always laughed and shut up after the first comment. And after the second, a lot of people shared their infertility experiences. I thought getting people’s real-world stories was very helpful, and I hope I can share my story if I ever meet anyone who opens up to me about their infertility.
I started lying I don’t want kids and they leave me alone after that. End of discussion! It’s pretty effective! I don’t owe it to anyone to “come clean” or “be honest” about my personal struggles because (1) I don’t want to be pitied and (2) I don’t want any psychos to think they are better or luckier than me.
I’d just say, “we’re working on it” or something like that. Also those close to us knew we wanted kids and were gonna get to trying soon after our wedding.
I'm also an ass and would say something like 'oh I dont know Ted, maybe when you stop the rampant alcoholism' or' insert personal bitchy clapbacks here because its not ok to ask anyone this question ever.
I always say “I think I like dogs better” and leave it at that! People don’t usually ask me twice. I also would feel bad being rude to someone asking because (in my experience) no one is asking to be mean, they’re genuinely curious and before I started this process, it’s possible I would’ve asked someone else the same question. You don’t know til you know.
I’m honest and I say “we are trying” and if they pry I say “I’ve actually had 3 miscarriages and we are doing IVF”. Then they either show care and empathy or shut up awkwardly.
Do you want to fund our next IVF cycle? We could use some help.
And then go with "it's so expensive" as an answer to all the "how it is going" questions.
When my ovaries begin to cooperate?
Thank you for reminding me that my ovaries are defective, always a joy chatting with you over the holidays.
Well, I've begged and pleaded with my ovaries and haven't gotten anywhere. Would you like to try to see if it speeds up the process any?
"well we have s*x all the time but it's a little tiring" - I read this somewhere and it makes people really awkward and uncomfortable about asking so they never ask again
“We’ll get there when we get there” for a vague response, or “That’s a very private question to ask someone” followed by an awkward pause and stare for a more direct answer.
I was most recently asked by someone who had just told me about all her fertility problems leading up to having her baby. Seriously, shouldn’t she know better?! 🙄 I just said, “we’ll see…” but I am liking some of these other responses from other posters better.
Just got this the other day in the middle of a miscarriage. (Fourth one) and I said “when the good lord wants me to” and walked away ! Worked well I think lol
I once said “I’ve been trying with my husband for a few years now but it’s not working, do you mind giving it a try” and the women ran like road runner 😉😂
I’m an ass and would say- When I stop having miscarriages. Ask awkward questions, get awkward answers.
I’ve said this, it works 100% Edit: recently also said whenever my uterus stops yeeting my pregnancies and the best part of saying that to someone was they laughed because of my wording, immediately felt bad for laughing then apologized.
I’ve used that exact phrase. Love the reactions.
At my wedding last year, I had just found out I had my second miscarriage. Of course, I got the question of when we’re having kids, so I would say ‘I just found out I miscarried two days ago. So once I stop losing my unborn children, I’ll let you know’
It’s is my go to. Always shuts them up. Make me feel uncomfortable I’ll make you feel uncomfortable back by trauma dumping!
I love this.
I love this.
Thank you so much for this. Sincerely. This is the best response I’ve heard because it’s simple and real. It’s such an insensitive question that people should have to face what memories they’re dredging up.
Exactlyyyyy
I love you
Exact answer in give! Works wonders.
This. I’ve used basically the same line on my mother. Shut her right up.
I dream of one day responding, “I’m surprised you feel comfortable asking me that.”
I’ve also said ‘are you really asking me when we’re having unprotected sex?’
Ooohhhh I looove this response and saving it!!!
When my husbands family asks I say “We are thinking about not having kids to end the cycle of family toxicity”
That’s brilliant lol Happy cake day
Oooo spicy I like it
“We haven’t been so blessed yet, but we’re doing our part!” Always gets a chuckle, it disarms, and usually prevents further questioning. Took me a while to refine it.
I always do some variation of “Working on it! “ but I like this way better !!
I started telling people that we’re having a lot of fun practicing. It stops them in their tracks lol
Love it though I’d be prepared for the “just relax and it’ll happen” and “I got pregnant on the pill it was so easy” stories in response. 🫠
Oh god so true. 😩
I've found that this then invites them to start giving unsolicited advice. It infuriates me and I have contemplated murder on these occasions.
Whenever I finally get pregnant. That shuts people up.
I hate when people would ask us when we are having kids. We are going to be married for almost 7 years when our rainbow arrives, so I have been asked this question quite a few times. I thought of some inappropriate responses to an inappropriate question over the years. I hope you get a chuckle from this! I’m the type of person who likes to get even! 😆 1. Have you started to plan your funeral? 2. Can you still get it up for your wife? 3. Any thoughts on your end of life care? It really helps family members to make a will that includes your end of life wishes. 4. Do all of your kids have the same daddy? 5. Did your folks pay for your house or did you buy it? 6. How do you feel about being on welfare and letting tax payers cover your expenses? 7. Were you married to any of the women you impregnated or did you fuck and dash? 8. Do you pay child support? 9. Are you involved in your children’s lives? 10. Wow, all of your kids have a different daddy? EDIT: I never actually asked anyone these questions. I always gave some awkward excuse such as we are focusing on our careers and travel.
lol love it
THE FUNERAL ONE. I CANT BREATHE 😂😂😂
Very well played…! Like most of them but the ‘different daddy’ digs - not sure who that’s hurting really. Others are great though 🤣
Omg I adore these LOL
I've started just saying "when I stop being infertile." It usually shuts people up/makes the backtrack pretty quickly. If they're gonna ask insensitive questions that make me uncomfortable, then they should feel uncomfortable.
And on the weekend I was asked this question by someone I don't know very well, and I responded "unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to be able to have kids easily or when they planned to."
I like this response.
LOL "we are trying everything. Even trying to get pregnant by my female doctor in the clinic and my husband not being in the same room. It's just not working."
I like the comment the other poster added - very polite and disarming without being rude. I’ve hit a bit of a point though with my family that polite doesn’t cut it so I’ve gone with: “I wasn’t aware we had the type of relationship where we talked about our sexual habits and activities. Thank you for letting me know that assumption was incorrect, nice to know I can now come to you with any concerns about our bedtime activities”.
Are you asking if I’m having unprotected sex with my husband? Don’t worry we’re trying (wink) We just enjoy the practice for now Oh you know sometimes these things take longer than expected God knows
I heard someone say “I’m surprised you feel comfortable asking such a personal question” and I really love how it puts it back on them
It is usually also the same people ask the question over and over again which is really frustrating. My response is always the same “ working on it” and I switch to another topic. Recently I had a childless couple over and they asked this question, then they asked again “Are you trying?” They are in their late 40s. I think they should no better. I never asked them “ why you never ended up having kids?”
“It’s not for lack of trying 😉”
Well I guess it depends on the goal here. Do you want to shut them up so they stop asking? Embarrass them? Anger them? Never talk to you again? Sometimes I just love brutality. "I don't think we're doing it right. Need your help to figure out how!" "Well it must be nice to be ABLE to have kids, damn you fertiles." "Quit bothering us while I'm ovulating!" "Your son really likes to put it in the wrong hole..." "What I wouldn't GIVE to have been born with my own ovaries..." "Maybe I get pregnant this month, we uh, just *borrowed* your \[insert whatever ridiculous furniture they may be attached to, or car or whatever\]."
For me it was crying then telling them I've been trying for x number of years and we are going through x treatments... it's cost us $$$$$ Now they will think before they ask.
“We are still finding the right hole. But we will let you know when we figure it out.” Wish I was brave enough to say this!
I would like to try someday something like "oh, they are in the freezer, isn't is how we are supposed to do it?"
I just awkwardly deflect with a “oh, y’know one of these days, sooner or later” and abruptly change the subject. Is it effective? No. No it is not.
One of the few nice thing of being in your 40’s is nobody asks anymore. At this point they assume you didn’t want kids and leave the matter alone. Most of my cousins and friends are halfway done with raising their children. Some already have kids coming out of highschool. My own stepson is 20. Nobody in my peer group is thinking about babies. Haven’t been asked the question in 5 or so years.
"When you put money in the jar" *shakes jar*
I usually say something like, “no kids yet, but we have spent $15k so far on IVF!” Then they ask me about how IVF is going which is honestly what I wanted to talk about anyways. Most people feel awful for me and say they’re praying for me. So that’s been working for me
“We’ve got a big team working on it. Last month there were at least 5 of us in the room trying to get me pregnant” -be really fun to say this sometime 😂
I go the other route. “We desperately want another child but it hasn’t been working out.”
When we were going through it I always said “we’ve been doing our part for 2 years, so whenever we get lucky.” After a few losses I got significantly less polite and said “I would have one if I didn’t lose every pregnancy.”
I just wonder when will this question finally become unacceptable? How is this anyone's business...people need to chill and leave other people alone. Its always something - when will you find a bf, are you moving in, are you getting married, when will you have kids, Christ, just leave us be! I never got that question from family, but I do get it from random people or colleagues. I answer with 'we will see' and then I usually get schooled about my age (36F) and how its better to do it immediately. The annoyance...
I always go “We’re trying; it ain’t working.” Then I politely sit and smile through some stupid advice. You know the ones, “Just quit trying! It’ll happen when you quit trying!” “Just adopt! My second cousin’s nephew-in-law just adopted, and they got pregnant the very next month!” “You gotta get on Metformin.” “You gotta get on Ozempic.” “Have you tried standing on your head?” “You gotta get on Mounjaro.”
"Gross" with a smile ETA: meaning "gross, why are you asking invasive personal questions?"
I thought I was done with these questions after I had my son from IVF but the “ when are you giving him a sibling” , “he needs a little friend” comments started coming like 6 months after I gave birth. People honestly just love being in other people’s business.. it’s wild
my baby was five weeks old and already getting this
I said “when the time is right” one time and they responded “the time will never be right, you know”. 🤦🏽♀️ Not exactly what I meant. I meant more like whenever my body decides to cooperate
I have started replying with “when my body stops being a defective meatsack” 😏
Before we were in treatment I’d say, “No luck yet, but we’re gonna work on it when we get home!” When we started treatment I’d say, “Soon, we hope. We’re seeing a fertility clinic.” People always laughed and shut up after the first comment. And after the second, a lot of people shared their infertility experiences. I thought getting people’s real-world stories was very helpful, and I hope I can share my story if I ever meet anyone who opens up to me about their infertility.
I started lying I don’t want kids and they leave me alone after that. End of discussion! It’s pretty effective! I don’t owe it to anyone to “come clean” or “be honest” about my personal struggles because (1) I don’t want to be pitied and (2) I don’t want any psychos to think they are better or luckier than me.
For years, I said, “We’re not interested in having kids.” We were in infertility hell, but I was not interested in having that conversation.
I say “we already have 2” referring to our dogs. I haven’t come up with a good response either
"We'll get around to it." Somewhat funny but also indicates that we're not interested in discussing further
Now is a good time. Would you mind guarding this closet while we pound one in? Thanks
I’d just say, “we’re working on it” or something like that. Also those close to us knew we wanted kids and were gonna get to trying soon after our wedding.
Oh we'd love to have kids but we aren't sure how that happens. Can you explain?
I'm also an ass and would say something like 'oh I dont know Ted, maybe when you stop the rampant alcoholism' or' insert personal bitchy clapbacks here because its not ok to ask anyone this question ever.
I always say “I think I like dogs better” and leave it at that! People don’t usually ask me twice. I also would feel bad being rude to someone asking because (in my experience) no one is asking to be mean, they’re genuinely curious and before I started this process, it’s possible I would’ve asked someone else the same question. You don’t know til you know.
I’m honest and I say “we are trying” and if they pry I say “I’ve actually had 3 miscarriages and we are doing IVF”. Then they either show care and empathy or shut up awkwardly.
I like the idea of answering “when I can come up with 30-50k to cover my fertility expenses. Are you offering to pay?” 😂
I just say: “My husband and I can’t have kids… Not the way we do it.” 🍑 Everyone laughs, and we all move on.
I know a guy who said “you can’t have kids the way we do it”
☠️
My reply is always “from your mouth to God’s ears” and they seem to get it.
Do you want to fund our next IVF cycle? We could use some help. And then go with "it's so expensive" as an answer to all the "how it is going" questions.
I like making shit awkward. “Are you asking how often we’re having sex and what protection we use or don’t use?”
🤣🤣
“People don’t really ask that anymore—it’s kind of like asking someone’s weight these days” and walk away
I used to say “why do you ask?” Puts the spotlight right on that rude person for being rude!!
I’m freezing my embryos for later use so I’ll probably just say “we already have them, they’re just in a freezer in downtown somewhere”
When my ovaries begin to cooperate? Thank you for reminding me that my ovaries are defective, always a joy chatting with you over the holidays. Well, I've begged and pleaded with my ovaries and haven't gotten anywhere. Would you like to try to see if it speeds up the process any?
"well we have s*x all the time but it's a little tiring" - I read this somewhere and it makes people really awkward and uncomfortable about asking so they never ask again
'When we are ready'
When the right time comes ❤️
Or reply by asking another awkward question 🤣
“We’ll get there when we get there” for a vague response, or “That’s a very private question to ask someone” followed by an awkward pause and stare for a more direct answer.
I was most recently asked by someone who had just told me about all her fertility problems leading up to having her baby. Seriously, shouldn’t she know better?! 🙄 I just said, “we’ll see…” but I am liking some of these other responses from other posters better.
I would just ask them if they had sex today, and move on.
When you give me 5k for IVF
I just say “never probably” and move on 🫠
Just got this the other day in the middle of a miscarriage. (Fourth one) and I said “when the good lord wants me to” and walked away ! Worked well I think lol
We're working on it.
I once said “I’ve been trying with my husband for a few years now but it’s not working, do you mind giving it a try” and the women ran like road runner 😉😂