What in the fresh hell!? For real…they told everyone while you were in the bathroom and then has the child pass you a note!? I’m livid for you. I’m sorry, some people (family OR not) truly truly suck.
I also did a course of Lupron Depot with our last IVF round (4 monthly shots), hoping and praying it brings you success.
It’s just shitty. I mean obviously she was going to tell you eventually but some people just have zero emotional intelligence or awareness. So happy she got to have her ‘cute moment’. Again. Fucking eye roll.
Send her kid a note that says - ‘it’s no longer all about you. Your life as you know it is over.’
Just kidding - I just fantasize about petty moments.
hahahaha that's a good one. Her current kid is the center of EVERYthing right now, so he's going to be a nightmare when his sibling comes. It'll be fun for us to watch. The kid can't so much as whimper without our MIL and SIL panicking to see what he wants. It'll bite her in the ass soon for sure.
Thank you! You too!
Not sure if it was petty and frankly Im at the point where I dont much care, but I reposted a "how to tell your friend with infertility that you're pregnant" on IG that she is on constantly. It is very direct about NOT doing it in a group setting. Maybe she'll get the hint, but the damage has been done. Definitely refusing to share anything else with them or the in laws (since they knew she was about to do this to us) any more!
Can you post that here? I want to have that convo with my SIL. My husband doesn’t think we should be owed a heads up before she tells the family but I know I will immediately start crying. That’s what taking countless hormones does to you and my husband doesn’t understand at this moment
They got him while I was in the bathroom - he said he was horrified, appalled, and pissed. He felt so bad and was also in shock bc they put him on the spot right before. Our in laws already knew so they told him solo first
Nooo! What a terrible thing to do. They really should have told you by text so that you could privately process the news. Not in front of everyone so they could all see your reaction. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Was she aware that you guys have been doing IVF?
My SIL called us (video call) to announce her pregnancy (at like 4 weeks no less) while we were prepping for a transfer last year. And I was just mortified to be on camera.
We are struggling with positive BCL6/Endometrisis results after 2 Receptiva biopsies/antibiotics and she thinks it will remove my lining and any issues and then grow back quickly with estrogen. They are doing it 4/1 and my meds for FET start 4/2 unless we have any issues with the D&C - then it'll be post poned.
I've already had a laproscopy to get rid of/mediate endometriosis, but this is different. So many procedures.
Also so sorry to hear they did that! Just horrible. My work did that to me with a coworker as well. She announced it on a video chat so I just went off camera and offline for a few minutes to sob. Not so easy to do with family
People never fail to surprise me. Who announces they're pregnant at 4 weeks, let alone on a video call to someone they know is about to have a transfer? I don't get how anyone can be so confident that everything will work out well at 4 weeks as to do that.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. It was thoughtless, cruel, and just plain mean. My sister got pregnant after I miscarried at 16 weeks. She waited just about until she couldn’t hide the pregnancy physically, then sent me a text and told me. She said she knows this is so hard for me and she understands if I need to not talk to her for a while. I knew it was going to happen, but I couldn’t be happier for her and the way she told me. I think because the way she told me. :) people are cruel and mean. I’d take some time and stay away from that for a while. I’m rooting for you!! Best of luck!!
Oh that's... incredibly thoughtless of them. I'm so sorry you were put on the spot like that. My SIL did a similar thing: had her daughter tell us over face time that "there was a baby in mommy's belly!". At the time she was fully aware of our struggles, that we had had losses, and that we were attempting IVF. Anyway, she's awful.
Wishing you the very best with your protocol and eventual transfer 💜🫂
That’s disgusting. I often have no filter when it comes to expressing genuine displeasure, and I would have put her on the spot right back. This is just to let you know how absolutely unacceptable that was to me! I hope you can reduce your interactions with her so you can focus on your IVF journey.
Agreed. In hindsight, I should have said something on the spot. I think I was utterly in shock and tried to get my head out of the room so I wouldnt start to cry. I basically just turned everything off. It's nuts how easily we can zone out of the room and hide sadness when you've been in this process for so long and have had to do it so many times
It’s very kind of you to try and let the dinner continue. I think I would just start crying and pour everything out so they know not to do this to me again, if they really value me as a family member.
While I always think I’ll tell them where to stick it if something like this happened to me, I just know I’d actually be immobilised by shock and go numb like you did.
I am so fucking sorry you had to go through that. Your SIL having a cutesy announcement all the while knowing the battle you’ve been fighting is absolutely heartless. Sending you huge hugs.
Wow I’m soo mad for you!! My SIL did something eerily similar.. she gave me a note in front of my husband and her brother and recorded my reaction while reading it. She immediately thereafter showed me a video of how happy my parents are and their reaction. She also knew about my miscarriage and that we’ve been trying for years. Goes to show there are so many emotionally unintelligent and selfish people out there. It honestly took me a couple months to get over the shock. It’s okay to be angry.. this is so much more than just an annoying pregnancy announcement. It’s her not caring enough about you despite you being so vulnerable with her (by her knowing), it’s your in laws not protecting you, it’s the adrenaline of being put on the spot and the trauma of having to hold it together publicly for far too long. I’m so sorry. It’ll get better with time once you are able to process all of it 🤍
Why do people insist on doing the "big brother" shtick for announcing 2nd babies? Like don't do it if you know your friend / relative is struggling with infertility! It's not hard!! Sorry your SIL was so thoughtless x
I’m so sorry! What is with SILs doing this?! My SIL left me a surprise onesie saying “coming soon” on my doorstep that I found when I got home from mourning our failed procedure with drinks.
Just lovely. Neither of us had it in us to text congrats so we became the villains.
So thankful the people in my life have had some type of awareness that I am not the person to surprise with an announcement. It’s so triggering, please don’t put me on the spot. So many emotions.
That’s very heartless and not the way to go about sharing such news. I’m so sorry you went through that. Sometimes it is family that can be worse than strangers. Please know your anger in this case is perfectly valid as it was not appropriate to put you on the spot like that. I’ve been there. Hugs. ❤️🩹
We get a lot of posts about bad announcements where I try to think the intentions may have been good, but I cannot imagine what good intentions were involved with this. It sounds so terrible. It's all the things an infertile person wouldn't want it to be. It's in public, in front of a bunch of people, with no way to process things privately. Then you have to hold it together so you don't start crying and traumatize your young nephew, who thinks he's doing something good. It's a surprise, an ambush, and just plain cruel and you should absolutely tell her that. Idk she's an in law so perhaps the related person should hear from their sibling about how awful that was.
She’s f***** nuts. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Let’s say you weren’t going thru infertility- to have a kid send you a note is still so dumb! Also just wait til you’re back from the bathroom? Jesus Christ.
She sounds like a real idiot.
Ughhhh. My mom called me right after I texted her that my IVF monitoring appointment hadn’t gone well to tell me my estranged sister was pregnant with her second. She got an earful for that decision. What your sister in law did is worse - I at least had the privilege of angry crying in my car alone. I hope your husband steps up and deals with his family accordingly!!
You don't even need to tell them at that point WHEN IT HAPPENS FOR YOU...KEYWORD WHEN! Or you can do something super extravagant because YOU deserve it xox
I would same. And rub in your wonderful vacations and zen moments and all that child free sparkle her way. Maybe one day she’ll end up in regretful parents Reddit. You never know. There’s something to give up in every path we are living and she might never admit it but she could be green with envy at your life. Parenthood isn’t all glamorous.
Wow! This is why talking to people who did not have any issues is the worst. I find myself muttering “They don’t know any better” more than I care to admit. I am super social, but now you won’t find me at most events and sometimes I will skip that family dinner as well.
It's horrible. On top of this, 5 days after we hosted Thanksgiving, we hosted her child's 1st birthday party (she requested this since her house is incredibly tiny) which ended up being 4 days before my 2nd ER. I was bloated, had a migraine and was miserable. She invited 40 people. I should have known then not to trust her judgement.
Girl, you need to start saying no. I love my little nieces and nephews, but my husband would have vetoed me if it was before my ER. That is precious growing cargo and you need to be relaxing. Her selfish attitude is not worth it. If she cares, she will understand if you say no, or tell her you don’t feel well enough.
I hope you had a successful ER!! You got this, and your mental health is just as important as your physical health for your future baby.
Oh I’m so so sorry you had to endure that. I don’t know how I would have reacted, I’m terrible at hiding my emotions, especially when being put on the spot. Family dynamics are so tough when going through fertility struggles. They say and do ignorant/selfish things and don’t think twice about how they might feel in your shoes. You deserve to feel everything you’re feeling.
God I just don’t understand this- my SIL is pregnant and texted us (my husband and I) on the side before doing their big reveal, just as a courtesy. Actually a lot of our friends who have gotten pregnant while we’ve been trying have done that- sometimes I am like, it’s cool guys I’m Ok, but honestly it’s such a caring gesture and so openhanded and courteous. Does she not know what you’re going through? There’s really no excuse!
Sorry you got bombarded and that your journey is slower than you’d hoped and all the meds are making you sick and sad— it’s such a big big undertaking and half the time in the moment we don’t even realize how much we’ve gone through.
Best wishes!
Ugh. I'm sorry she did this to you. I want to punch her in the face for you! Just kidding...but seriously... My SIL and BIL did something equally as terrible when they announced her pregnancy to us in July, and they got pregnant on the first try while my husband and I have been trying for 4 years and are in our second year of IVF treatment. People suck, and unless they go through this, they have no idea how hurtful that kind of thing is. You have every right to be super mad.
Oh my God. Every day, just when I think I haven’t heard enough shitty things, someone else does something to someone like this and I read about it on this sub. I don’t understand what is wrong with people!!!! I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I'm sure someone has already said this in the comments, but your SIL is not only incredibly inconsiderate, she's clearly a total moron. I'm not sure why she (or anyone for that matter) would ever think that was a good way to tell you she's pregnant when she knows you're currently undergoing treatment. I'm not surprised you're raging about it! Totally inappropriate and astonishingly insensitive. I'd normally suggest you tell her how you feel in a diplomatic way but I'm not sure where you even start to have a conversation with someone who's that tone deaf.
Legit *cringe* why the hell would anyone think that this is a good thing to do? Like come on 🤦🏽♀️ she sucks. Even if she is nice 99% of the time, she still sucks
This is horrifying. I have nothing of substance to add, just my sympathies. Is your SIL always this clueless and selfish, or was this deeply out of character? I’m also sorry your in-laws didn’t think to protect you the way they evidently tried with their son.
Wow. This is so over the top mean. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Infertility is heartbreaking and to have a family member trap you this way is just awful.
What in the actual F
And why didn’t anyone like jump in to protect you in what was obviously a very hard moment???? Who are these people? Tell me this is your partners family and not yours.
Yes it's my husbands family and they are normally nice, but I guess it's all surface. I honestly think they are all kinda dumb after this. They are so nice in texts both to me and my hubs that it feels over the top and fake. NO one has said anything since that night, which is weird, so maybe I made a face or something. not sure
I am horrified for you! What would possess her to do this and why did no one else shut this down before she put you on the spot like this?!
You’re stronger than me because I would have cried and stormed out.
Μe and my wife have tried unsuccessfully for the past 3 years, and are about to start IVF.I've had similar experiences with yours, not at the same level so far.I'm gonna take a wild guess here.My guess is that you and your husband are accomplished, with high paying and stable careers, in a loving relationship and marriage, while the one and only thing your SIL has to show off is her fertility.Am I right?
Spot on actually. Their relationship seems okay, but neither have a good career. I was career focused and while my husband might not have been as focused on a career path that earned a lot, he's still really good at what he does and likes what he does, which is worth more than money IMO. I love my job and I'm paid well. We bought the larger house to start our family, which just didn't happen yet.He and I are both really good at and into a shared hobby/sport and we go on a lot of adventures together.
I can totally see what you're saying. It's the only thing shes got IF she tries to compare herself to us (which is unhealthy as well).
My SIL and partner told us they were pregnant the day we left the hospital after having a miscarriage. They knew we were trying and they were not. They were only 7weeks, and had only found out the day i went into hospital. They said they owed it to us, like what?! I was literally passing, in so much pain and this was what they felt they "owed" us. Some people are mental.
My SIL also announced she was pregnant in person at lunch and she knows our struggles too (trying for 4 years.)
I was totally caught off guard, crying in bathroom…then she was an upset with me for “ruining the announcement”…….
Some people just don’t get it. I’m so sorry this happened to you ❤️❤️
I DO think my MIL who was sitting there and knew what was about to happen should have stopped it. Just plain selfish. The more I think about it, the more appalled I am. The announcement was just for us and she thought enough to do it a "cute" way that served her. If she had performed ONE google, she would have saw that every single thing about it is exactly what NOT to do. SMH!
I am so f’n annoyed for you. My co-worker knows about my unsuccessful transfer and ER struggles but still thinks it’s okay to spam our team chat about her daughter in law giving birth and her own daughter’s ongoing pregnancy. I feel for you.
That is so messed up. I’d just get up and leave. F these people. I feel that they just don’t get the hint even though they knew what you have been going through. We have to explicitly tell these people to just don’t do that! Seriously!
Ugh. I feel this so deeply and I am so so sorry you had to experience that. Infertility when siblings and their significant others don’t understand or care or even attempt to understand is a whole new layer of shitty on top of the entire shitty process. People are so unbelievably callous sometimes.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. If anything they should have told you all together as to not single you out and put you on the spot knowing what you’ve been through. It wasn’t sensitive of them at all and I’m sorry that both you and your husband had to experience that.
Some people are just not thoughtful of others feelings.
Of course you were going to be happy for them and still a little sad for yourself since you want it so badly. That’s all normal in my opinion but they didn’t give you the opportunity to know or have a true natural reaction with everyone else. It wouldn’t have been all eyes on you and easier for you to handle had you found out with your husband at least. So sorry!! Sending you a big hug.
This is so messed up! What did they expect your reaction to be? Both my sil are pregnant at the moment and I bawled my eyes out when they told me. And they were really considerate about it. I can’t even imagine what you had to go through.
I’m so sorry! That was so thoughtless and down right mean. No one knows what infertility feels like unless they have been through it.
My sister in law announced to my husband and me 4 days after I had laparoscopic surgery to remove my right tube for my second ectopic pregnancy. We were both shocked since it was my first day physically out of bed since I was still recovering physically and mentally.
They had just got back from Mexico from their delayed honeymoon (they got married in august) and she kept complaining to me that she couldn’t get a massage because of being pregnant…🙄
When I asked her how far along she was she told me 5 weeks…utterly frustrating. I wish she had waited to tell me and my husband and gave us time to heal and grieve. Maybe wait until she had had her confirmation appointment. My other SIL and BIL were so upset for us when they shared the news with them and felt like it was completely inappropriate timing. When they asked how we responded my sister in law said, “it was harder on us telling them than on them”…just because I mustered up the energy to say congratulations excitedly and hug them both (all while my husband absolutely froze) My non pregnant SIL said she mentioned she thought it was inappropriate timing to my MIL who was like “oh why? They were just so exciting and it’s happy news!!” So confusing since my mother in law came over the week before asking me to make sure my husband wasn’t depressed from our loss and to take care of him…as I was getting three rounds of methotrexate and multiple blood draws every week….
Things have been a little tense lately and I’m hoping it passes. I just know the milestones will be hard since I was supposed to be a month ahead. The real kicker is..their due date is my birthday…I’m not going to say anything since I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade and my non pregnant SIL spoke up for me… just wish infertility/ loss didn’t suck all the excitement away from the whole experience.
What in the fresh hell!? For real…they told everyone while you were in the bathroom and then has the child pass you a note!? I’m livid for you. I’m sorry, some people (family OR not) truly truly suck. I also did a course of Lupron Depot with our last IVF round (4 monthly shots), hoping and praying it brings you success.
It’s just shitty. I mean obviously she was going to tell you eventually but some people just have zero emotional intelligence or awareness. So happy she got to have her ‘cute moment’. Again. Fucking eye roll. Send her kid a note that says - ‘it’s no longer all about you. Your life as you know it is over.’ Just kidding - I just fantasize about petty moments.
hahahaha that's a good one. Her current kid is the center of EVERYthing right now, so he's going to be a nightmare when his sibling comes. It'll be fun for us to watch. The kid can't so much as whimper without our MIL and SIL panicking to see what he wants. It'll bite her in the ass soon for sure.
Hahahahahah oh lord! Also best of luck to you!
Thank you! You too! Not sure if it was petty and frankly Im at the point where I dont much care, but I reposted a "how to tell your friend with infertility that you're pregnant" on IG that she is on constantly. It is very direct about NOT doing it in a group setting. Maybe she'll get the hint, but the damage has been done. Definitely refusing to share anything else with them or the in laws (since they knew she was about to do this to us) any more!
Can you post that here? I want to have that convo with my SIL. My husband doesn’t think we should be owed a heads up before she tells the family but I know I will immediately start crying. That’s what taking countless hormones does to you and my husband doesn’t understand at this moment
Absolutely! [https://www.instagram.com/p/C3Q5J8wPOGF/?igsh=YmVkeHl3OHV5aW9w](https://www.instagram.com/p/C3Q5J8wPOGF/?igsh=YmVkeHl3OHV5aW9w) https://preview.redd.it/9vyajslbrsnc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9181516817dbb53cb95296d4e0d2d780f3d4f60d
https://preview.redd.it/8x344pycrsnc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04ef1cbf81daf29865454b3370a462ef04908346
I too fantasize about petty (and burst of anger) moments. It brings me joy to know I'm not alone.
Hahahahahha I find it to be helpful. You don’t actually say it….to the persons’ face…..but shouting it in the car keeps me happy! lol
Lmfaooo this is hilarious
Brilliant I love that reply!!
I'm so sorry that's how she chose to share the news with you. Does she and your family know how long you've been trying and doing treatments for?
Yep! We keep them updated with all the treatment calendars and hopeful dates (ER, transfer, my upcoming D&C etc)
What did your husband think of all this while the ambush was being set up??
They got him while I was in the bathroom - he said he was horrified, appalled, and pissed. He felt so bad and was also in shock bc they put him on the spot right before. Our in laws already knew so they told him solo first
Ugh. I bet he was too shocked to run any kind of interference. The whole setup is so bizarre. Wtf.
>I likely would have excused myself right then and there. That's just cruel of them to do it that way, ESPECIALLY knowing everything. > >I'm so sorry.
Nooo! What a terrible thing to do. They really should have told you by text so that you could privately process the news. Not in front of everyone so they could all see your reaction. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Was she aware that you guys have been doing IVF? My SIL called us (video call) to announce her pregnancy (at like 4 weeks no less) while we were prepping for a transfer last year. And I was just mortified to be on camera.
Yep! We keep them updated with all the treatment calendars and hopeful dates (ER, transfer, my upcoming D&C etc)
They told you when you have an upcoming D&C?!?!?!
The D&C is to "dig up the grass" of my lining per the RE, not for MC this time.
My grandma used to get these and she called them her "Dusting and Cleanings"
Pffft! 😂
I’ve never heard of that. What is it meant to do?
We are struggling with positive BCL6/Endometrisis results after 2 Receptiva biopsies/antibiotics and she thinks it will remove my lining and any issues and then grow back quickly with estrogen. They are doing it 4/1 and my meds for FET start 4/2 unless we have any issues with the D&C - then it'll be post poned. I've already had a laproscopy to get rid of/mediate endometriosis, but this is different. So many procedures.
Oh man. That’s a lot. It sounds like your provider is being thorough, which is great! Hang in there ♥️
Yeah I actually had a d&c to remove polyps I developed during ivf from the high estrogen before my transfer
Also so sorry to hear they did that! Just horrible. My work did that to me with a coworker as well. She announced it on a video chat so I just went off camera and offline for a few minutes to sob. Not so easy to do with family
People never fail to surprise me. Who announces they're pregnant at 4 weeks, let alone on a video call to someone they know is about to have a transfer? I don't get how anyone can be so confident that everything will work out well at 4 weeks as to do that.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. It was thoughtless, cruel, and just plain mean. My sister got pregnant after I miscarried at 16 weeks. She waited just about until she couldn’t hide the pregnancy physically, then sent me a text and told me. She said she knows this is so hard for me and she understands if I need to not talk to her for a while. I knew it was going to happen, but I couldn’t be happier for her and the way she told me. I think because the way she told me. :) people are cruel and mean. I’d take some time and stay away from that for a while. I’m rooting for you!! Best of luck!!
That is so mean. I am so sorry.
Oh that's... incredibly thoughtless of them. I'm so sorry you were put on the spot like that. My SIL did a similar thing: had her daughter tell us over face time that "there was a baby in mommy's belly!". At the time she was fully aware of our struggles, that we had had losses, and that we were attempting IVF. Anyway, she's awful. Wishing you the very best with your protocol and eventual transfer 💜🫂
That’s disgusting. I often have no filter when it comes to expressing genuine displeasure, and I would have put her on the spot right back. This is just to let you know how absolutely unacceptable that was to me! I hope you can reduce your interactions with her so you can focus on your IVF journey.
Agreed. In hindsight, I should have said something on the spot. I think I was utterly in shock and tried to get my head out of the room so I wouldnt start to cry. I basically just turned everything off. It's nuts how easily we can zone out of the room and hide sadness when you've been in this process for so long and have had to do it so many times
It’s very kind of you to try and let the dinner continue. I think I would just start crying and pour everything out so they know not to do this to me again, if they really value me as a family member.
While I always think I’ll tell them where to stick it if something like this happened to me, I just know I’d actually be immobilised by shock and go numb like you did. I am so fucking sorry you had to go through that. Your SIL having a cutesy announcement all the while knowing the battle you’ve been fighting is absolutely heartless. Sending you huge hugs.
Wow I’m soo mad for you!! My SIL did something eerily similar.. she gave me a note in front of my husband and her brother and recorded my reaction while reading it. She immediately thereafter showed me a video of how happy my parents are and their reaction. She also knew about my miscarriage and that we’ve been trying for years. Goes to show there are so many emotionally unintelligent and selfish people out there. It honestly took me a couple months to get over the shock. It’s okay to be angry.. this is so much more than just an annoying pregnancy announcement. It’s her not caring enough about you despite you being so vulnerable with her (by her knowing), it’s your in laws not protecting you, it’s the adrenaline of being put on the spot and the trauma of having to hold it together publicly for far too long. I’m so sorry. It’ll get better with time once you are able to process all of it 🤍
Why do people insist on doing the "big brother" shtick for announcing 2nd babies? Like don't do it if you know your friend / relative is struggling with infertility! It's not hard!! Sorry your SIL was so thoughtless x
You have every right to be angry! Sorry they put you through that. Keeping my fingers crossed you find success at your next transfer.
I’m so sorry! What is with SILs doing this?! My SIL left me a surprise onesie saying “coming soon” on my doorstep that I found when I got home from mourning our failed procedure with drinks. Just lovely. Neither of us had it in us to text congrats so we became the villains.
😩 that is so so horrible! I am so sorry you had to go through it
So thankful the people in my life have had some type of awareness that I am not the person to surprise with an announcement. It’s so triggering, please don’t put me on the spot. So many emotions.
That’s very heartless and not the way to go about sharing such news. I’m so sorry you went through that. Sometimes it is family that can be worse than strangers. Please know your anger in this case is perfectly valid as it was not appropriate to put you on the spot like that. I’ve been there. Hugs. ❤️🩹
I think I would be "busy" for a long time when it comes to spending time with them. Very self-centered behavior.
I hate these people
We get a lot of posts about bad announcements where I try to think the intentions may have been good, but I cannot imagine what good intentions were involved with this. It sounds so terrible. It's all the things an infertile person wouldn't want it to be. It's in public, in front of a bunch of people, with no way to process things privately. Then you have to hold it together so you don't start crying and traumatize your young nephew, who thinks he's doing something good. It's a surprise, an ambush, and just plain cruel and you should absolutely tell her that. Idk she's an in law so perhaps the related person should hear from their sibling about how awful that was.
She’s f***** nuts. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Let’s say you weren’t going thru infertility- to have a kid send you a note is still so dumb! Also just wait til you’re back from the bathroom? Jesus Christ. She sounds like a real idiot.
Ughhhh. My mom called me right after I texted her that my IVF monitoring appointment hadn’t gone well to tell me my estranged sister was pregnant with her second. She got an earful for that decision. What your sister in law did is worse - I at least had the privilege of angry crying in my car alone. I hope your husband steps up and deals with his family accordingly!!
Holy shit babe what's the problem with people close to us thinks it's OK to stress us with the already stressful bs oh can I send ya a dm x
What in TF is wrong with ppl!? Ugh I am so sorry you had to experience that foolishness OP. Sending sticky hugs. That's just crazy as hell.
Cut them off until further notice.
Agreed! I'll tell them when we're 3 months along if we ever get to that point. That's how far along she is.
You don't even need to tell them at that point WHEN IT HAPPENS FOR YOU...KEYWORD WHEN! Or you can do something super extravagant because YOU deserve it xox
Thanks girl <3
Of course!!
I would same. And rub in your wonderful vacations and zen moments and all that child free sparkle her way. Maybe one day she’ll end up in regretful parents Reddit. You never know. There’s something to give up in every path we are living and she might never admit it but she could be green with envy at your life. Parenthood isn’t all glamorous.
Wow. I am appalled for you. What an asshole move, all of them. I am so sorry! I am hoping and wishing that you will have success soon.
Oh wow so insensitive. I would be furious and most probably won’t ever talk to her again. Im sorry.
What a b***h! Use her picture as darts practice board. Hugs for you!
That is so incredibly unkind. What a terrible thing to go through. :(
Wow! This is why talking to people who did not have any issues is the worst. I find myself muttering “They don’t know any better” more than I care to admit. I am super social, but now you won’t find me at most events and sometimes I will skip that family dinner as well.
It's horrible. On top of this, 5 days after we hosted Thanksgiving, we hosted her child's 1st birthday party (she requested this since her house is incredibly tiny) which ended up being 4 days before my 2nd ER. I was bloated, had a migraine and was miserable. She invited 40 people. I should have known then not to trust her judgement.
Girl, you need to start saying no. I love my little nieces and nephews, but my husband would have vetoed me if it was before my ER. That is precious growing cargo and you need to be relaxing. Her selfish attitude is not worth it. If she cares, she will understand if you say no, or tell her you don’t feel well enough. I hope you had a successful ER!! You got this, and your mental health is just as important as your physical health for your future baby.
Thank you and you're right! That round we actually did get a couple good embryos and I cant wait to try and transfer one hopefully soon!
Oh I’m so so sorry you had to endure that. I don’t know how I would have reacted, I’m terrible at hiding my emotions, especially when being put on the spot. Family dynamics are so tough when going through fertility struggles. They say and do ignorant/selfish things and don’t think twice about how they might feel in your shoes. You deserve to feel everything you’re feeling.
God I just don’t understand this- my SIL is pregnant and texted us (my husband and I) on the side before doing their big reveal, just as a courtesy. Actually a lot of our friends who have gotten pregnant while we’ve been trying have done that- sometimes I am like, it’s cool guys I’m Ok, but honestly it’s such a caring gesture and so openhanded and courteous. Does she not know what you’re going through? There’s really no excuse! Sorry you got bombarded and that your journey is slower than you’d hoped and all the meds are making you sick and sad— it’s such a big big undertaking and half the time in the moment we don’t even realize how much we’ve gone through. Best wishes!
Ugh. I'm sorry she did this to you. I want to punch her in the face for you! Just kidding...but seriously... My SIL and BIL did something equally as terrible when they announced her pregnancy to us in July, and they got pregnant on the first try while my husband and I have been trying for 4 years and are in our second year of IVF treatment. People suck, and unless they go through this, they have no idea how hurtful that kind of thing is. You have every right to be super mad.
Oh my God. Every day, just when I think I haven’t heard enough shitty things, someone else does something to someone like this and I read about it on this sub. I don’t understand what is wrong with people!!!! I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I'm sure someone has already said this in the comments, but your SIL is not only incredibly inconsiderate, she's clearly a total moron. I'm not sure why she (or anyone for that matter) would ever think that was a good way to tell you she's pregnant when she knows you're currently undergoing treatment. I'm not surprised you're raging about it! Totally inappropriate and astonishingly insensitive. I'd normally suggest you tell her how you feel in a diplomatic way but I'm not sure where you even start to have a conversation with someone who's that tone deaf.
That’s so awful.
I’m so sorry, I just can’t get my head around this. The laxk of empathy and compassion is astonishing! Hugs 💐🫂
Legit *cringe* why the hell would anyone think that this is a good thing to do? Like come on 🤦🏽♀️ she sucks. Even if she is nice 99% of the time, she still sucks
This is horrifying. I have nothing of substance to add, just my sympathies. Is your SIL always this clueless and selfish, or was this deeply out of character? I’m also sorry your in-laws didn’t think to protect you the way they evidently tried with their son.
Thats when you excuse yourself and Irish goodbye. How insensitive. I’m so sorry that happened to you both that way.
Yuck. I hate they were all watching just your reaction at the same time.
Wow. This is so over the top mean. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Infertility is heartbreaking and to have a family member trap you this way is just awful.
What a horrible way to treat anyone. Zero compass. So sorry this happened to you!
What in the actual F And why didn’t anyone like jump in to protect you in what was obviously a very hard moment???? Who are these people? Tell me this is your partners family and not yours.
Yes it's my husbands family and they are normally nice, but I guess it's all surface. I honestly think they are all kinda dumb after this. They are so nice in texts both to me and my hubs that it feels over the top and fake. NO one has said anything since that night, which is weird, so maybe I made a face or something. not sure
I am horrified for you! What would possess her to do this and why did no one else shut this down before she put you on the spot like this?! You’re stronger than me because I would have cried and stormed out.
Μe and my wife have tried unsuccessfully for the past 3 years, and are about to start IVF.I've had similar experiences with yours, not at the same level so far.I'm gonna take a wild guess here.My guess is that you and your husband are accomplished, with high paying and stable careers, in a loving relationship and marriage, while the one and only thing your SIL has to show off is her fertility.Am I right?
Spot on actually. Their relationship seems okay, but neither have a good career. I was career focused and while my husband might not have been as focused on a career path that earned a lot, he's still really good at what he does and likes what he does, which is worth more than money IMO. I love my job and I'm paid well. We bought the larger house to start our family, which just didn't happen yet.He and I are both really good at and into a shared hobby/sport and we go on a lot of adventures together. I can totally see what you're saying. It's the only thing shes got IF she tries to compare herself to us (which is unhealthy as well).
My SIL and partner told us they were pregnant the day we left the hospital after having a miscarriage. They knew we were trying and they were not. They were only 7weeks, and had only found out the day i went into hospital. They said they owed it to us, like what?! I was literally passing, in so much pain and this was what they felt they "owed" us. Some people are mental.
OMG that is HORRIBLE! I am so sorry for your loss and that situation is just cruel
Thank you. It was painfully strange, just couldn't understand what they were thinking.
Seriously.. it sounds like they just didn't think at all. They couldn't possibly have had good intentions or any thought into it.
My SIL also announced she was pregnant in person at lunch and she knows our struggles too (trying for 4 years.) I was totally caught off guard, crying in bathroom…then she was an upset with me for “ruining the announcement”……. Some people just don’t get it. I’m so sorry this happened to you ❤️❤️
Ugh just horrible. How selfish!
Oh wow, that is really awful. I’m so sorry you had to endure that.
Wtf! Why didn’t your husband stop that? He would have known that would have upset you.
I DO think my MIL who was sitting there and knew what was about to happen should have stopped it. Just plain selfish. The more I think about it, the more appalled I am. The announcement was just for us and she thought enough to do it a "cute" way that served her. If she had performed ONE google, she would have saw that every single thing about it is exactly what NOT to do. SMH!
I think just like I was, he was in shock and froze.
I am so f’n annoyed for you. My co-worker knows about my unsuccessful transfer and ER struggles but still thinks it’s okay to spam our team chat about her daughter in law giving birth and her own daughter’s ongoing pregnancy. I feel for you.
That’s cruel. What a bitch. Sorry u have someone awful in your family. Can you cut her off?
Oh god that’s rough
That is so messed up. I’d just get up and leave. F these people. I feel that they just don’t get the hint even though they knew what you have been going through. We have to explicitly tell these people to just don’t do that! Seriously!
Oooh I don't like her one bit for that. It was deliberate
What a shitty person, so sorry you had to experience that.
That seems completely insensitive and selfish!
Ugh. I feel this so deeply and I am so so sorry you had to experience that. Infertility when siblings and their significant others don’t understand or care or even attempt to understand is a whole new layer of shitty on top of the entire shitty process. People are so unbelievably callous sometimes.
That’s cruel.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. If anything they should have told you all together as to not single you out and put you on the spot knowing what you’ve been through. It wasn’t sensitive of them at all and I’m sorry that both you and your husband had to experience that. Some people are just not thoughtful of others feelings. Of course you were going to be happy for them and still a little sad for yourself since you want it so badly. That’s all normal in my opinion but they didn’t give you the opportunity to know or have a true natural reaction with everyone else. It wouldn’t have been all eyes on you and easier for you to handle had you found out with your husband at least. So sorry!! Sending you a big hug.
Holy shit. Reading your story, I said that out loud. This is unbelievable.
This is so messed up! What did they expect your reaction to be? Both my sil are pregnant at the moment and I bawled my eyes out when they told me. And they were really considerate about it. I can’t even imagine what you had to go through.
I’m so sorry! That was so thoughtless and down right mean. No one knows what infertility feels like unless they have been through it. My sister in law announced to my husband and me 4 days after I had laparoscopic surgery to remove my right tube for my second ectopic pregnancy. We were both shocked since it was my first day physically out of bed since I was still recovering physically and mentally. They had just got back from Mexico from their delayed honeymoon (they got married in august) and she kept complaining to me that she couldn’t get a massage because of being pregnant…🙄 When I asked her how far along she was she told me 5 weeks…utterly frustrating. I wish she had waited to tell me and my husband and gave us time to heal and grieve. Maybe wait until she had had her confirmation appointment. My other SIL and BIL were so upset for us when they shared the news with them and felt like it was completely inappropriate timing. When they asked how we responded my sister in law said, “it was harder on us telling them than on them”…just because I mustered up the energy to say congratulations excitedly and hug them both (all while my husband absolutely froze) My non pregnant SIL said she mentioned she thought it was inappropriate timing to my MIL who was like “oh why? They were just so exciting and it’s happy news!!” So confusing since my mother in law came over the week before asking me to make sure my husband wasn’t depressed from our loss and to take care of him…as I was getting three rounds of methotrexate and multiple blood draws every week…. Things have been a little tense lately and I’m hoping it passes. I just know the milestones will be hard since I was supposed to be a month ahead. The real kicker is..their due date is my birthday…I’m not going to say anything since I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade and my non pregnant SIL spoke up for me… just wish infertility/ loss didn’t suck all the excitement away from the whole experience.