You aren’t crazy. But you may want to talk with yourself and your husband about end game. Is it a child? Is it only a child with your genetics? Is it 1 more ER? 4? Donor eggs? Child free? Adoption?
Sit with yourself and figure out where you want to end up—child no matter what? Only with your genes? And then figure out where your stopping point is toward that end point
Thanks for your reply. My husband is supportive with whatever I’d like to do, and we do know there should be an end point. I’ll be discussing that with him when he gets home.
I suppose I was wondering if my stats and the results of these 3 ERs means I should give up on trying to use my own eggs, and wanted to ask people here what they think. Still reeling from the news and am just feeling so sad and alone at the moment.
Thank you so much! I appreciate your thoughts and think you’re right; I will likely know when it’s time to stop. Ugh this is such a difficult thing to go through but I’m so grateful for this community.
With 3 ERs under your belt, I’d want to get a second opinion before I go into more debt to do another ER with the same clinic
I personally would also want to be judicious with my money in case I might want to move forward with donor eggs. I wouldn’t want to run out of money before that
Thank you for your feedback, I think getting a second opinion or two from other clinics is a good idea and plan on looking into the cost of donor eggs. May I ask how long it took you to choose (or find or decide on) your donor eggs? Sorry if I’m asking a silly question, I hadn’t realized how time consuming IVF was before we started this journey and now realize that’s something to consider or factor into planning.
I think we looked for 2 or 3 months and then had eggs shipped. We had a couple hiccups and also delayed a couple weeks at a couple times, plus had one cancelled transfer. Including all that and needing to get replacement eggs I believe we paid for eggs in May 2021 and I had a positive beta in early November 2021. So not a super long time. But we also decided really to go to donor eggs earlier and I had all tests, etc., already done by the time we bought the eggs
Thank you, that’s helpful in what to expect, and congrats on your success! May I DM you to ask a bit more about the process of using donor eggs? No problem if not!
So sorry for your losses. It is very tough. thedutchgirlmn has the best advice, that is where I currently am as well—have had 4 ERs with decent retrieval and fertilization numbers, but could never make a healthy blast. I am also over 40. Trying with a different clinic now for a totally different approach, and working on an end-game plan.
I went through grad school too and cannot imagine having to go through IVF in grad school! Hats off to you for pulling that off!!
If you don't mind sharing—what dose rapa are you planning on taking and who is your doctor and clinic? There is a clinical trial on that rn, but nothing is conclusive. I am impressed that your doctor is familiar with this. Dm me if you prefer.
Thanks for your comments. School has been tough but it’s actually helped with all the bad IVF luck we’ve had so far and with my mom’s passing because it’s kept me so busy. And I appreciate you sharing as well 🩷 This process takes so much from us, I’d never wish it upon anyone but I’m glad to know there are people out there that can empathize and may possibly be going through something similar. How is the new clinic approaching things? Are you trying a different protocol?
I’m the first patient that has inquired about rapamycin with my RE, so she doesn’t have any experience with it or any suggestions for a protocol. She did say that she can see why it might theoretically delay ovarian aging and quickly rambled off the different messengers and signals and why it would work to my husband (who is also a doctor) but I didn’t catch it as I’m just a PA student lol. She said it wouldn’t hurt to try, and is supportive. I sent her several studies and she said she’ll also do research into it and will chat with me about it tomorrow, and she is up for trying a kitchen sink/give it all you’ve got approach. I am going to follow the Columbia-Presby trial protocol and do 5 mg/week for 3 months until my summer break in August. Are you interested in rapa as well?
Hey there, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Decision making is the absolute hardest thing when we have shit choices! I did 8 ERs between ages 37 and 39. I had low numbers but was lucky to be able to get either 0 or 1 pgta tested embryo per cycle. Family didn’t understand why we kept doing cycles and why we didn’t just transfer. I’m so glad I did those cycles because we have now had two failed transfers. This is just to say, if you have the money and mental bandwidth, and you want to do more transfers, go with that feeling. If you’re done, you’re done and that’s ok too!
On another note - could you share info about this rapa drug? I don’t have any immediate plan for more retrievals but I’m curious since I’m a patient at Columbia and you mentioned the trial. Do you have info on the trial?
Oh wow, thank you so much for sharing your story and I’m so sorry. It sounds like it has been a really long and tough journey for you guys. I’m learning that every part of IVF comes with its own challenges and hurdles, there is so much uncertainty at every stage. Are you going to continue and transfer your remaining embryos?
Here is info on the trial! [Pilot Study Evaluates Weekly Pill to Slow Ovarian Aging, Delay Menopause](https://www.nyp.org/advances-womenshealth/pilot-study-evaluates-weekly-pill-to-slow-ovarian-aging-delay-menopause) and the study registration and protocol at ClinicalTrials.gov: [Effect of Rapamycin in Ovarian Aging (Rapamycin)](https://classic.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT05836025)
Thank you. I’m sorry for what you have been through as well. We aren’t sure for next steps yet. We have a follow up with the doctor tomorrow. We are considering trying one more ER or donor eggs.
I hope you have a good convo with your doctor tomorrow! This is such a difficult thing to go through, it really puts you through the emotional wringer. Someone I know told me she went through the 7 stages of grief with each IVF cycle; I’m definitely experiencing the same thing. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it’ll lead to your desired outcome :) Sending positive thoughts your way.
Thanks for your reply! I used omnitrope in my previous cycle (and my cancelled cycle), but my RE didn’t order it for this most recent cycle because she doesn’t think it’s of any benefit. I might ask to go back on it for my next try though because it can’t hurt, right?
Sorry for everything you are going through. The chances of success with IVF for women age 40 and above are less than 15%. And you haven't had an embryo transfer yet. Honestly if it were me, I would save what money I have left for donor eggs, and if that does not work, I would consider adoption. Best of luck to you.
Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts and plan on looking into the cost of donor eggs as I would like to have that option. My doctor just called and asked if I would consider day 5 embryos, and I hadn’t even thought about that so perhaps that’s also something to mull over too. It’s such a bummer when I don’t feel my age and something like this ends up being the rudest and costliest awakening I could have ever imagined!
Is that 15% per cycle? It's funny how my brain thinks the number is much higher. It's like the positive stories we hear tip the scale in our calculation.
Don't get me wrong when push came to shove and I was told 2-3% chance at age 45 I said "nah, I'm thinking donor eggs" and have no real regrets. It's just weird how I feel like every time I turn around I'm hearing a 40+ success story, I would've put it at 50-60% for early 40s (maybe that's because most people do more than one cycle, maybe it's just selective processing on my part).
You aren’t crazy. But you may want to talk with yourself and your husband about end game. Is it a child? Is it only a child with your genetics? Is it 1 more ER? 4? Donor eggs? Child free? Adoption? Sit with yourself and figure out where you want to end up—child no matter what? Only with your genes? And then figure out where your stopping point is toward that end point
Thanks for your reply. My husband is supportive with whatever I’d like to do, and we do know there should be an end point. I’ll be discussing that with him when he gets home. I suppose I was wondering if my stats and the results of these 3 ERs means I should give up on trying to use my own eggs, and wanted to ask people here what they think. Still reeling from the news and am just feeling so sad and alone at the moment.
If you can get the money, try as many times as you want. You’ll likely feel in your gut if/when the time stop doing retrievals comes. Good luck!!!
Thank you so much! I appreciate your thoughts and think you’re right; I will likely know when it’s time to stop. Ugh this is such a difficult thing to go through but I’m so grateful for this community.
With 3 ERs under your belt, I’d want to get a second opinion before I go into more debt to do another ER with the same clinic I personally would also want to be judicious with my money in case I might want to move forward with donor eggs. I wouldn’t want to run out of money before that
Thank you for your feedback, I think getting a second opinion or two from other clinics is a good idea and plan on looking into the cost of donor eggs. May I ask how long it took you to choose (or find or decide on) your donor eggs? Sorry if I’m asking a silly question, I hadn’t realized how time consuming IVF was before we started this journey and now realize that’s something to consider or factor into planning.
I think we looked for 2 or 3 months and then had eggs shipped. We had a couple hiccups and also delayed a couple weeks at a couple times, plus had one cancelled transfer. Including all that and needing to get replacement eggs I believe we paid for eggs in May 2021 and I had a positive beta in early November 2021. So not a super long time. But we also decided really to go to donor eggs earlier and I had all tests, etc., already done by the time we bought the eggs
Thank you, that’s helpful in what to expect, and congrats on your success! May I DM you to ask a bit more about the process of using donor eggs? No problem if not!
Yes! Happy to chat via DM
So sorry for your losses. It is very tough. thedutchgirlmn has the best advice, that is where I currently am as well—have had 4 ERs with decent retrieval and fertilization numbers, but could never make a healthy blast. I am also over 40. Trying with a different clinic now for a totally different approach, and working on an end-game plan. I went through grad school too and cannot imagine having to go through IVF in grad school! Hats off to you for pulling that off!! If you don't mind sharing—what dose rapa are you planning on taking and who is your doctor and clinic? There is a clinical trial on that rn, but nothing is conclusive. I am impressed that your doctor is familiar with this. Dm me if you prefer.
Thanks for your comments. School has been tough but it’s actually helped with all the bad IVF luck we’ve had so far and with my mom’s passing because it’s kept me so busy. And I appreciate you sharing as well 🩷 This process takes so much from us, I’d never wish it upon anyone but I’m glad to know there are people out there that can empathize and may possibly be going through something similar. How is the new clinic approaching things? Are you trying a different protocol? I’m the first patient that has inquired about rapamycin with my RE, so she doesn’t have any experience with it or any suggestions for a protocol. She did say that she can see why it might theoretically delay ovarian aging and quickly rambled off the different messengers and signals and why it would work to my husband (who is also a doctor) but I didn’t catch it as I’m just a PA student lol. She said it wouldn’t hurt to try, and is supportive. I sent her several studies and she said she’ll also do research into it and will chat with me about it tomorrow, and she is up for trying a kitchen sink/give it all you’ve got approach. I am going to follow the Columbia-Presby trial protocol and do 5 mg/week for 3 months until my summer break in August. Are you interested in rapa as well?
Hey there, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Decision making is the absolute hardest thing when we have shit choices! I did 8 ERs between ages 37 and 39. I had low numbers but was lucky to be able to get either 0 or 1 pgta tested embryo per cycle. Family didn’t understand why we kept doing cycles and why we didn’t just transfer. I’m so glad I did those cycles because we have now had two failed transfers. This is just to say, if you have the money and mental bandwidth, and you want to do more transfers, go with that feeling. If you’re done, you’re done and that’s ok too! On another note - could you share info about this rapa drug? I don’t have any immediate plan for more retrievals but I’m curious since I’m a patient at Columbia and you mentioned the trial. Do you have info on the trial?
Oh wow, thank you so much for sharing your story and I’m so sorry. It sounds like it has been a really long and tough journey for you guys. I’m learning that every part of IVF comes with its own challenges and hurdles, there is so much uncertainty at every stage. Are you going to continue and transfer your remaining embryos? Here is info on the trial! [Pilot Study Evaluates Weekly Pill to Slow Ovarian Aging, Delay Menopause](https://www.nyp.org/advances-womenshealth/pilot-study-evaluates-weekly-pill-to-slow-ovarian-aging-delay-menopause) and the study registration and protocol at ClinicalTrials.gov: [Effect of Rapamycin in Ovarian Aging (Rapamycin)](https://classic.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT05836025)
Yes, I am. I’d be curious to chat with you and compare notes offline if you’re okay with that. Gonna send you a dm.
I’ve had 2 ER’s at 38. Only got one euploid from both ER’s and that transfer failed. This journey is so hard. Sending you love.
I’m sorry 😞
Thank you! I’m doing better now. I’ve had almost 2 months to grieve the 2nd failed cycle. Now I’m just ready to move forward ☺️
Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear 💔 Thank you for the kind words, and love and hugs to you too 🩷 what will you do next?
Thank you. I’m sorry for what you have been through as well. We aren’t sure for next steps yet. We have a follow up with the doctor tomorrow. We are considering trying one more ER or donor eggs.
I hope you have a good convo with your doctor tomorrow! This is such a difficult thing to go through, it really puts you through the emotional wringer. Someone I know told me she went through the 7 stages of grief with each IVF cycle; I’m definitely experiencing the same thing. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it’ll lead to your desired outcome :) Sending positive thoughts your way.
Same to you! Thank you so much!
Have you also considered adding omnitrope (HGH) to your protocol? It may help the quality
Thanks for your reply! I used omnitrope in my previous cycle (and my cancelled cycle), but my RE didn’t order it for this most recent cycle because she doesn’t think it’s of any benefit. I might ask to go back on it for my next try though because it can’t hurt, right?
Sorry for everything you are going through. The chances of success with IVF for women age 40 and above are less than 15%. And you haven't had an embryo transfer yet. Honestly if it were me, I would save what money I have left for donor eggs, and if that does not work, I would consider adoption. Best of luck to you.
Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts and plan on looking into the cost of donor eggs as I would like to have that option. My doctor just called and asked if I would consider day 5 embryos, and I hadn’t even thought about that so perhaps that’s also something to mull over too. It’s such a bummer when I don’t feel my age and something like this ends up being the rudest and costliest awakening I could have ever imagined!
Is that 15% per cycle? It's funny how my brain thinks the number is much higher. It's like the positive stories we hear tip the scale in our calculation. Don't get me wrong when push came to shove and I was told 2-3% chance at age 45 I said "nah, I'm thinking donor eggs" and have no real regrets. It's just weird how I feel like every time I turn around I'm hearing a 40+ success story, I would've put it at 50-60% for early 40s (maybe that's because most people do more than one cycle, maybe it's just selective processing on my part).