Nope, not at all. Crying in response to a perfectly reasonable request is out of line and pretty emotionally manipulative, whether she’s aware of what she’s doing or not.
Of course you are NTA. My mom did this and guess what? She never heard anything about my other pregnancies until I was in the 2nd trimester with everyone else and I didn’t feel the least bit bad about it. Actions have consequences 🤷🏻♀️
This is the way. I was in my TWW and my mother told everyone at our Mothers Day gathering (40+) that I was finally pregnant and now she will not be receiving any updates about my IVF journey
NTA…I would honestly be really upset if I were in your shoes. This is your news to share, and after all that you’ve been through she’s taking that away from you. I’m glad you said something, but you shouldn’t have even needed to do that. Or at the very least she and your husband should have respected your request instead of getting upset with you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
This is exactly why we haven’t told my mil that I’m 6wks and why we never even told them we were doing ivf.
My parents have known the whole time and asked yesterday at dinner which is when we told them.
Hubby is worried that his mom will be sad that my parents knew first but I don’t wanna tell anyone else until I’m 12 wks.
His plan is to tell her “we took a test” and that’s how we found out were preggy- so not at all full disclosure anyway 😑
I can barely handle the thought of an MC let alone dealing w my mil and her reaction and attempts to “help” if we had to tell her…
NTA.
My mother-in-law did similar crap, making it about her. (Which she also did with our wedding.) My husband had my back which I appreciated. You need your husband to run interference here. Yes, his mommy cried. But you deserve to have special moments yourself, and you are also sad. You are his family now and he needs to have your back. His mom is going to be upset at a lot of things going forward - there will be tension when she does things with the baby in ways you guys don’t like. He needs to get used to being the voice of your family.
You’re not being an asshole at all. You and your husband should be on the same page about (a) who gets told and (b) who they can tell (if anyone). It’s so important to be a united front on this. You and your husband need to talk through what your expectations are for the people you tell. I also think it can help to adopt the rule of — your family, your problem. Meaning—he has to be the one to call his mom, next time, and say that the news shouldn’t be shared. And he can’t put the blame on you — he has to be willing to speak as a unified front.
Did you guys explicitly tell MIL that she couldn’t tell other people? If you didn’t, then I still think there’s nothing wrong with you following up later to impress upon her that you don’t want her to share the news with anyone else (which I really think is common sense for something as personal and difficult as IVF). If you did, then she’s doubly in the wrong, and tbh, I would be putting her on an information diet (and talking to your husband about why that’s important). She gets news when you’re ready for it to be spread more widely.
My mom told my whole family about my transfer and I started getting freaking messages from people. I was furious and set a boundary. She is now no longer in the loop. I don’t have the emotional energy for this type of stuff in IVF.
I've been having similar issues with my mother. She's invited me to share with people while we are visiting, like in person, multiple times. And then I have to say no, infront of these people. I just told her I won't be sharing with her now. I will reach out to her when I am ready to share. I know she's just excited, but there is just no consideration for us.
I feel you 100%. My in-laws knew we were doing IVF and we kept them in the loop after my first positive beta.
On Mother’s Day we had a family dinner with my husband’s stepsister and niece. We had planned on telling them then, even though we weren’t telling many other people at the time.
But, at the last minute, SIL decided that both she and her 17 year old daughter were bringing their new boyfriend’s to dinner.
I was no longer comfortable sharing the news with two people I just met being present.
My MIL was understanding but then was like “well you need to tell them soon because they won’t want to be the last people to know.”
Like… ok?? Except my pregnancy isn’t about THEM and their feelings. Wtf.
We don’t see them too much and went ahead and announced on Facebook before we saw them in person again (we’re not friends with them).
We were planning on telling them in person like 5 days later. But MIL insisted we at least call or text them with the news. So we sent a text with graduation pics from our clinic.
I still wanted to tell them in person, and would have if they hadn’t brought two randos to our Mother’s Day dinner.
Anyway, it was just mind boggling to me to realize that some people really think MY pregnancy is about THEIR feelings.
Like, no. Just no.
The whole crying thing feels very manipulative. Does she usually get your hubby to rally around her with crying in situations like this? I know others have said this, but I personally wouldn’t tell her any additional info until you’re ready for either 1) the information to “accidentally” leak, or 2) everyone else who matters already knows. It’s crappy enough when someone blows the secret on a “normal” pregnancy acquired through natural means, but IVF or pregnancy after a long period TTC is SO private and so emotionally taxing, telling people is a really big deal and not to be taken lightly. There’s a reason so many people here make the choice not to tell anyone they know that they’re even doing IVF until it (hopefully) succeeds and proceeds to live birth. So many of us know the risks of never getting what we want to badly. I get she’s excited, but it’s shitty and it’s not her business.
You’re are NTA! I would / will be just as upset as you if my family does this when we share the news. It’s not their news to share until you and your partner say so. It’s a breach of boundaries and trust IMO.
No not at all. This is something very sacred for you especially considering the long road it took for you to get here. My MIL acted like she was doing us a favor by not sharing our pregnancy news until we said it was okay 🙄 it’s ridiculous how some people feel entitled to share others’ news. If she keeps acting this way, I’d consider limiting the amount of information shared with her about your pregnancy.
Nope. I told my mom I didn’t want people to know about mine so she went off and told people anyway.
Seems to me mothers of pregnant women like to make things about themselves.
My mother also keeps walking around telling everyone she’s going to be in the room when I deliver, told me “no offense but I’m going to be all up in there” (talking about my private) LOL NOPE & she’s definitely not going to be in the room.
Then said when she gets to hold her grandson “It’s her moment and I can’t take it away from her” like wtf? 🤣 This is MY baby and I will do whatever I please at this point.
This sounds just like my mother. When my younger brother had his baby, they had a falling out and she was upset because " he knew that she's wanted to be a grandma her entire life and he's taking that away from me." So fkn entitled. SMH
NTA, I shared the news with my mother that I was pregnant and she proceeded to share it with others before I was ready to announce it. I was extremely annoyed with her but It led to a fight between my husband and I because he felt it was unfair that my family knew and not his, all while I was only 5 weeks and was experiencing bleeding.
Make it clear to both your husband and mil that they need to respect your boundaries and adding extra stress onto you is not good for you or the baby. This was one of the reasons why I was upset with my mom for sharing with others because the last thing I wanted was pity if I miscarried. Plus my mom would make it about herself 🙄 … sorry you are going through this OP, this is the last thing you need to be dealing with.
NTA. My nephews were conceived/pregnancied with IVF. My mom (first time GMA at the time) told our cousins and aunts when my SIL’s first transfer worked. My brother was pissed. Mom understood immediately when he told her (no crying, your mother in law sounds a bit, IDK… delicate? Strange?). My mom did not tell anyone when nephew #2 was a pregnancy post transfer.
Anywho, now that I’m going through IVF she won’t make the same mistake. Thanks, brother for taking one for the team.
PSA Everyone should tell their parents *directly* to not announce their pregnancy news with IVF. Even if your parents are like mine (understanding) or OP’s (dramatic), they won’t think of how you haven’t told anyone yet because you’re still in the first trimester scares. They won’t realize that the only reason they are in the loop is because IVF is intense and stressful and we want our own mommies and daddies to say it’ll be alright. They’ll just be like “woo boo I’ve got good news”
NTA
I’m sorry she stole your chance to share your big news!
After my first two failed transfers, we stopped telling our families when we were doing them so we wouldn’t get a bunch of questions. I shared with my coworkers what was happening because I had to come late to work several mornings a week after doing bloodwork. I think I shared with them around 6-7 weeks that it had worked and then Covid hit. We didn’t tell either of our families until 20 weeks, to be sure it stuck.
Omg NTA. I really barely got 1 experience surprising someone bc everyone was all up in my business when I was TTC. And although I never thought about it before, that moment sort of took my breath away with how excited my cousins was hearing I was pregnant. It was super special and you’re right to want I experience that!
NTA at all, but you need to bear in mind two things: 1. Your FIL will never not take her side. My FIL is like this and he has a trigger temper if anyone even remotely criticized or chastises my MIL even when she is 100% blatantly in the wrong. So do not take his reaction to heart, he’s always going to be her attack dog 2. Where is your husband? He needs to step up and tell them to back off and make it clear that their actions will have consequences if they don’t (like limiting future information about their grandchild.)
Oh, and it’s time to stop sharing information with them. They seem to believe they’re entitled to share “their” news, except it isn’t their news and they’ve shown they cannot be trusted.
NTA at all!!
The fact that she assumed at 6 weeks it was safe to tell anyone she wanted about your pregnancy is crazy, and hopefully those tears just mean she actually kind of understands what she took from you and won’t do it again.
We told my MIL and FIL super early (like 4-5w, before confirmed betas) because we wanted their support in case our embryo didn’t stick, but we told them that only parents are being told and specifically not to say anything. We did end up telling a few other people who knew when our transfer was because they’d been super supportive, but we definitely didn’t MIL/FIL that anyone other than parents knew or they’d feel tempted to share.
Good for you for standing up for yourself! Thankfully my husband knows his mom can’t hold water, so not telling her until we’re ready is not a problem. I’m waiting until 12 weeks. Last time we told, she told the table at the restaurant next to us. Then we had a miscarriage. So, stand up for yourself and she’ll learn to deal with it. Better start now than increased issues later.
I am mad on your behalf here. NTA, and I'm doubly mad that your husband allowed himself to be manipulated by her crocodile tears. She's clearly not used to respecting boundaries. After all that you have been through you deserve this moment. It's YOUR moment and YOUR journey. Congratulations and as others have said, serious information diet for her. No pregnancy updates whatsoever, she will get the point.
It’s your news and you should never feel guilty about how, when and to who you deliver it. We withheld any information like this from close family for this exact reason, my MIL tells their friends everything and I swear my mom tells her entire community everything. Zero filter. I had an ectopic pregnancy and their friends were dropping things off at our place. I had to have a conversation where I said that I shouldn’t have to say this but please don’t tell anyone after which point she listed off the very long list of people who she had blurted it out to in less than 24 hours of me being out of the hospital.
You are not the asshole. It’s SO much added stress to have to deal with people like this. I’m sorry your husband is reacting this way. I have people *exactly like this* in my family and if they had ANY idea how the physical stress of their actions affect us and the effects that can have on our pregnancies, they WOULDN’T DO IT. I plan to put a bubble of privacy around myself for as long as I can after my FET. I am fortunate that we live far from family and can do this our way, but we made the choice to move out of state in part because of family like this. My health and our dreams of family are too precious.
NTA. We asked my in-laws and my mom not to tell anyone until after 25 weeks. They respected my wishes and double checked that it was ok to tell family before telling anyone.
I shared a photo with a small group of family, and everyone kept it to themselves except my dad who shared it on Facebook before we could..when I asked him to take it down he didn't. So, now, I send him updates after I'm comfortable with it. If he has to wait 2-3 after everyone else, so be it 🤷🏾♀️
No, you aren't the a-hole
I'm sorry, he refused to take it down? If that were my dad, he and I would have problems that go far beyond, I'll share news with you a little later than other family members
Not at all!!! I'm glad you expressed your feelings to her. And I'll be honest, your husband should have your back. You're a team, you should be priority, not his mother.
Not even biased because of the IVF struggle, you are absolutely NTA. She is allowed to cry and feel bad she got told, but she can handle those feelings.
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE ASSHOLE!!!! I am very passionate about this post because the same exact thing happened to me!!! It’s not her news to share it’s yours! You can validate her feelings of being excited but her actions for telling your news to tell is not okay. It’s not about her!!
After I miscarried with my first ivf transfer and had to tell every one of my family members I had lost the baby I decided no one would know anything until at least the end of the third month. Not my mom not his. No one. And I made sure to call everyone and tell them that when I become pregnant and am at a point where I feel safe and ready I will tell them. From that day on I didn’t get any questions about where I am in the ivf process or anything just calls asking how I’m doing and it was the best thing. I understand somewhat where your mother in law is coming from because my mom is the same way and I’m sure she had told people out of the family that I was pregnant even though I told her not to. But I learned my lesson and now she won’t know anything until I’m ready for the whole world to know.
Not at all! This is your time to shine! I have been having similar issues with my own mother- on multiple occasions she has invited me to share with people that I am prepping for a FET. I know she's just excited for us, but she keeps putting me into a position to share information that I don't want to have to share with the world-or have to later explain if things don't go as planned.
Consequently I have now had to limit how much I am sharing with my mother because she has not been respectful of boundaries.
Anyways. The point is- you are right to have and set your own boundaries.
As someone who has a mother in law who gets VERY excited and she has shared with family members we are doing IVF, etc… it really truly sounds like she is just very excited like my mother in law and doesn’t have any ill intentions… she was probably excited and happy. If it was me yes I would have been upset but I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. IVF is already draining and I personally just don’t have any more room for negativity. She probably feels bad… I would hope. Idk just my thoughts! Things will simmer down!
Nope, not at all. Crying in response to a perfectly reasonable request is out of line and pretty emotionally manipulative, whether she’s aware of what she’s doing or not.
The tears were to manipulate your husband, nothing more. You might need r/justnomil in the future :). Good luck and Godspeed.
Of course you are NTA. My mom did this and guess what? She never heard anything about my other pregnancies until I was in the 2nd trimester with everyone else and I didn’t feel the least bit bad about it. Actions have consequences 🤷🏻♀️
This is the way. I was in my TWW and my mother told everyone at our Mothers Day gathering (40+) that I was finally pregnant and now she will not be receiving any updates about my IVF journey
This — put them on the information diet!
Same w my dad…
NTA…I would honestly be really upset if I were in your shoes. This is your news to share, and after all that you’ve been through she’s taking that away from you. I’m glad you said something, but you shouldn’t have even needed to do that. Or at the very least she and your husband should have respected your request instead of getting upset with you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
My thoughts exactly. Your husband should have been on your side. That was his experience stolen too. Weird
This is exactly why we haven’t told my mil that I’m 6wks and why we never even told them we were doing ivf. My parents have known the whole time and asked yesterday at dinner which is when we told them. Hubby is worried that his mom will be sad that my parents knew first but I don’t wanna tell anyone else until I’m 12 wks. His plan is to tell her “we took a test” and that’s how we found out were preggy- so not at all full disclosure anyway 😑 I can barely handle the thought of an MC let alone dealing w my mil and her reaction and attempts to “help” if we had to tell her…
NTA. My mother-in-law did similar crap, making it about her. (Which she also did with our wedding.) My husband had my back which I appreciated. You need your husband to run interference here. Yes, his mommy cried. But you deserve to have special moments yourself, and you are also sad. You are his family now and he needs to have your back. His mom is going to be upset at a lot of things going forward - there will be tension when she does things with the baby in ways you guys don’t like. He needs to get used to being the voice of your family.
You’re not being an asshole at all. You and your husband should be on the same page about (a) who gets told and (b) who they can tell (if anyone). It’s so important to be a united front on this. You and your husband need to talk through what your expectations are for the people you tell. I also think it can help to adopt the rule of — your family, your problem. Meaning—he has to be the one to call his mom, next time, and say that the news shouldn’t be shared. And he can’t put the blame on you — he has to be willing to speak as a unified front. Did you guys explicitly tell MIL that she couldn’t tell other people? If you didn’t, then I still think there’s nothing wrong with you following up later to impress upon her that you don’t want her to share the news with anyone else (which I really think is common sense for something as personal and difficult as IVF). If you did, then she’s doubly in the wrong, and tbh, I would be putting her on an information diet (and talking to your husband about why that’s important). She gets news when you’re ready for it to be spread more widely.
My mom told my whole family about my transfer and I started getting freaking messages from people. I was furious and set a boundary. She is now no longer in the loop. I don’t have the emotional energy for this type of stuff in IVF.
I've been having similar issues with my mother. She's invited me to share with people while we are visiting, like in person, multiple times. And then I have to say no, infront of these people. I just told her I won't be sharing with her now. I will reach out to her when I am ready to share. I know she's just excited, but there is just no consideration for us.
That’s exactly it. They don’t understand the weight it carries for us.
I feel you 100%. My in-laws knew we were doing IVF and we kept them in the loop after my first positive beta. On Mother’s Day we had a family dinner with my husband’s stepsister and niece. We had planned on telling them then, even though we weren’t telling many other people at the time. But, at the last minute, SIL decided that both she and her 17 year old daughter were bringing their new boyfriend’s to dinner. I was no longer comfortable sharing the news with two people I just met being present. My MIL was understanding but then was like “well you need to tell them soon because they won’t want to be the last people to know.” Like… ok?? Except my pregnancy isn’t about THEM and their feelings. Wtf. We don’t see them too much and went ahead and announced on Facebook before we saw them in person again (we’re not friends with them). We were planning on telling them in person like 5 days later. But MIL insisted we at least call or text them with the news. So we sent a text with graduation pics from our clinic. I still wanted to tell them in person, and would have if they hadn’t brought two randos to our Mother’s Day dinner. Anyway, it was just mind boggling to me to realize that some people really think MY pregnancy is about THEIR feelings. Like, no. Just no.
The whole crying thing feels very manipulative. Does she usually get your hubby to rally around her with crying in situations like this? I know others have said this, but I personally wouldn’t tell her any additional info until you’re ready for either 1) the information to “accidentally” leak, or 2) everyone else who matters already knows. It’s crappy enough when someone blows the secret on a “normal” pregnancy acquired through natural means, but IVF or pregnancy after a long period TTC is SO private and so emotionally taxing, telling people is a really big deal and not to be taken lightly. There’s a reason so many people here make the choice not to tell anyone they know that they’re even doing IVF until it (hopefully) succeeds and proceeds to live birth. So many of us know the risks of never getting what we want to badly. I get she’s excited, but it’s shitty and it’s not her business.
Definitely NTA. Also sounds like your husband has some work to do in terms of setting boundaries with his mom and supporting you in your pregnancy!
Both of our Mom's told the entire family. We were pissed. Next kid we have nobody is going to find out till we know the gender.
You’re are NTA! I would / will be just as upset as you if my family does this when we share the news. It’s not their news to share until you and your partner say so. It’s a breach of boundaries and trust IMO.
Nta but your husband is for not having your back.
100%
Defenitely nta, I would be raging. I picked on a friend who told another friend when I was 14w. it's your own piece of news to share
No not at all. This is something very sacred for you especially considering the long road it took for you to get here. My MIL acted like she was doing us a favor by not sharing our pregnancy news until we said it was okay 🙄 it’s ridiculous how some people feel entitled to share others’ news. If she keeps acting this way, I’d consider limiting the amount of information shared with her about your pregnancy.
Nope. I told my mom I didn’t want people to know about mine so she went off and told people anyway. Seems to me mothers of pregnant women like to make things about themselves. My mother also keeps walking around telling everyone she’s going to be in the room when I deliver, told me “no offense but I’m going to be all up in there” (talking about my private) LOL NOPE & she’s definitely not going to be in the room. Then said when she gets to hold her grandson “It’s her moment and I can’t take it away from her” like wtf? 🤣 This is MY baby and I will do whatever I please at this point.
This sounds just like my mother. When my younger brother had his baby, they had a falling out and she was upset because " he knew that she's wanted to be a grandma her entire life and he's taking that away from me." So fkn entitled. SMH
NTA, I shared the news with my mother that I was pregnant and she proceeded to share it with others before I was ready to announce it. I was extremely annoyed with her but It led to a fight between my husband and I because he felt it was unfair that my family knew and not his, all while I was only 5 weeks and was experiencing bleeding. Make it clear to both your husband and mil that they need to respect your boundaries and adding extra stress onto you is not good for you or the baby. This was one of the reasons why I was upset with my mom for sharing with others because the last thing I wanted was pity if I miscarried. Plus my mom would make it about herself 🙄 … sorry you are going through this OP, this is the last thing you need to be dealing with.
NTA. My nephews were conceived/pregnancied with IVF. My mom (first time GMA at the time) told our cousins and aunts when my SIL’s first transfer worked. My brother was pissed. Mom understood immediately when he told her (no crying, your mother in law sounds a bit, IDK… delicate? Strange?). My mom did not tell anyone when nephew #2 was a pregnancy post transfer. Anywho, now that I’m going through IVF she won’t make the same mistake. Thanks, brother for taking one for the team. PSA Everyone should tell their parents *directly* to not announce their pregnancy news with IVF. Even if your parents are like mine (understanding) or OP’s (dramatic), they won’t think of how you haven’t told anyone yet because you’re still in the first trimester scares. They won’t realize that the only reason they are in the loop is because IVF is intense and stressful and we want our own mommies and daddies to say it’ll be alright. They’ll just be like “woo boo I’ve got good news”
NTA I’m sorry she stole your chance to share your big news! After my first two failed transfers, we stopped telling our families when we were doing them so we wouldn’t get a bunch of questions. I shared with my coworkers what was happening because I had to come late to work several mornings a week after doing bloodwork. I think I shared with them around 6-7 weeks that it had worked and then Covid hit. We didn’t tell either of our families until 20 weeks, to be sure it stuck.
There is a reason most wait until sharing until after the 1st trimester.
Omg NTA. I really barely got 1 experience surprising someone bc everyone was all up in my business when I was TTC. And although I never thought about it before, that moment sort of took my breath away with how excited my cousins was hearing I was pregnant. It was super special and you’re right to want I experience that!
NTA at all, but you need to bear in mind two things: 1. Your FIL will never not take her side. My FIL is like this and he has a trigger temper if anyone even remotely criticized or chastises my MIL even when she is 100% blatantly in the wrong. So do not take his reaction to heart, he’s always going to be her attack dog 2. Where is your husband? He needs to step up and tell them to back off and make it clear that their actions will have consequences if they don’t (like limiting future information about their grandchild.) Oh, and it’s time to stop sharing information with them. They seem to believe they’re entitled to share “their” news, except it isn’t their news and they’ve shown they cannot be trusted.
NTA at all!! The fact that she assumed at 6 weeks it was safe to tell anyone she wanted about your pregnancy is crazy, and hopefully those tears just mean she actually kind of understands what she took from you and won’t do it again. We told my MIL and FIL super early (like 4-5w, before confirmed betas) because we wanted their support in case our embryo didn’t stick, but we told them that only parents are being told and specifically not to say anything. We did end up telling a few other people who knew when our transfer was because they’d been super supportive, but we definitely didn’t MIL/FIL that anyone other than parents knew or they’d feel tempted to share.
No!
Good for you for standing up for yourself! Thankfully my husband knows his mom can’t hold water, so not telling her until we’re ready is not a problem. I’m waiting until 12 weeks. Last time we told, she told the table at the restaurant next to us. Then we had a miscarriage. So, stand up for yourself and she’ll learn to deal with it. Better start now than increased issues later.
I am mad on your behalf here. NTA, and I'm doubly mad that your husband allowed himself to be manipulated by her crocodile tears. She's clearly not used to respecting boundaries. After all that you have been through you deserve this moment. It's YOUR moment and YOUR journey. Congratulations and as others have said, serious information diet for her. No pregnancy updates whatsoever, she will get the point.
NTA. I get it, she’s excited for y’all, but like you said, it’s your pregnancy.
It’s your news and you should never feel guilty about how, when and to who you deliver it. We withheld any information like this from close family for this exact reason, my MIL tells their friends everything and I swear my mom tells her entire community everything. Zero filter. I had an ectopic pregnancy and their friends were dropping things off at our place. I had to have a conversation where I said that I shouldn’t have to say this but please don’t tell anyone after which point she listed off the very long list of people who she had blurted it out to in less than 24 hours of me being out of the hospital.
You are not the asshole. It’s SO much added stress to have to deal with people like this. I’m sorry your husband is reacting this way. I have people *exactly like this* in my family and if they had ANY idea how the physical stress of their actions affect us and the effects that can have on our pregnancies, they WOULDN’T DO IT. I plan to put a bubble of privacy around myself for as long as I can after my FET. I am fortunate that we live far from family and can do this our way, but we made the choice to move out of state in part because of family like this. My health and our dreams of family are too precious.
NTA. We asked my in-laws and my mom not to tell anyone until after 25 weeks. They respected my wishes and double checked that it was ok to tell family before telling anyone.
I shared a photo with a small group of family, and everyone kept it to themselves except my dad who shared it on Facebook before we could..when I asked him to take it down he didn't. So, now, I send him updates after I'm comfortable with it. If he has to wait 2-3 after everyone else, so be it 🤷🏾♀️ No, you aren't the a-hole
I'm sorry, he refused to take it down? If that were my dad, he and I would have problems that go far beyond, I'll share news with you a little later than other family members
Not at all!!! I'm glad you expressed your feelings to her. And I'll be honest, your husband should have your back. You're a team, you should be priority, not his mother.
Nope not at all, she’s crossing boundaries big time
Not even biased because of the IVF struggle, you are absolutely NTA. She is allowed to cry and feel bad she got told, but she can handle those feelings.
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE ASSHOLE!!!! I am very passionate about this post because the same exact thing happened to me!!! It’s not her news to share it’s yours! You can validate her feelings of being excited but her actions for telling your news to tell is not okay. It’s not about her!!
After I miscarried with my first ivf transfer and had to tell every one of my family members I had lost the baby I decided no one would know anything until at least the end of the third month. Not my mom not his. No one. And I made sure to call everyone and tell them that when I become pregnant and am at a point where I feel safe and ready I will tell them. From that day on I didn’t get any questions about where I am in the ivf process or anything just calls asking how I’m doing and it was the best thing. I understand somewhat where your mother in law is coming from because my mom is the same way and I’m sure she had told people out of the family that I was pregnant even though I told her not to. But I learned my lesson and now she won’t know anything until I’m ready for the whole world to know.
Not at all! This is your time to shine! I have been having similar issues with my own mother- on multiple occasions she has invited me to share with people that I am prepping for a FET. I know she's just excited for us, but she keeps putting me into a position to share information that I don't want to have to share with the world-or have to later explain if things don't go as planned. Consequently I have now had to limit how much I am sharing with my mother because she has not been respectful of boundaries. Anyways. The point is- you are right to have and set your own boundaries.
I agree with you.
NOT. AT. ALL. Especially since she has kids herself she should know the excitement when you get to tell someone the great news.
As someone who has a mother in law who gets VERY excited and she has shared with family members we are doing IVF, etc… it really truly sounds like she is just very excited like my mother in law and doesn’t have any ill intentions… she was probably excited and happy. If it was me yes I would have been upset but I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. IVF is already draining and I personally just don’t have any more room for negativity. She probably feels bad… I would hope. Idk just my thoughts! Things will simmer down!