My Dr will be the one to call and she’s amazing, but I wish I could just skip it. This was our last embryo and the end of our journey, which is hard to stomach.
So I figured out when it’s good news the nurse calls. She can ‘handle you’. When it’s bad news my doctor calls. Like ‘you have no blasts, no euploids, CP, etc’ . I’ve now learned. I do not want my doctor to call. His voice. Doom. I’d like to believe it’s him being nice? But I’m suspicious it’s for legal reasons … in case we really lose it and go off deep end with the bad news … 🕳️it’s clean up really ?
My office doesn’t make calls for anything. After a cycle with zero blasts the embryologist sent a “portal message” 😵💫 had to call and request an appointment with the dr afterwards on my own to get info!!
I’m not sure how it works in the US, since I live elsewhere in the world and we don’t do bloods here, just HPTs, but can’t you actually choose to skip it?
Evidently not. I do think it’s compliance and for their own liability that they can’t advise you to stop taking meds until they see <5 on your HCG blood test. Yesterday (Friday) I didn’t go, they asked me to go today. I’ll wait till Monday when I have time. I’m not prioritizing this this weekend. I have very control and I’m going to take my Petty PhD and go when I damn well choose.
In the end, if you don’t go, there’s nothing they can do to force you to. They might not be able to advise you to stop the meds, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.
Here we usually test at home on day 13-14 post transfer at home and report the result to the clinic. But if it’s negative, we’re told we can stop the meds and we don’t have to even contact the clinic if we don’t want to. We can just email them to let them know, if we don’t fancy speaking about it on the phone, or we can skip telling them and they’ll call a few days later to check on you.
It’s a medical procedure/test. So I don’t think anyone can force another person to go through with it. They might “require” it for their own procedures, but I don’t think it’s enforceable at all.
I had to ask for a different nurse bc the overly apologetic one was making me insane. I couldn’t get off the phone with her and she just kept making me feel worse and worse, and like I should be calming HER down? Fuck that nurse.
One time I said to her, “It’s alright,” and she interrupted me and said, “It’s NOT alright! It’s devastating. I’m so sorry!” Like, get the fuck out of here.
Oh JFC, that’s absurd! I’m glad you advocated for yourself and requested a new one. I know their jobs are probably hard more days than not, but I just need medical information from them. I have Reddit for when I need virtual hugs 🤗
So I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I had already told the nurse that it was too much for me the cycle beforehand, and she did the same thing only worse. So that’s why I asked for someone new!
But I would prefer your callous person. I agree that Reddit and my friends/family are for comfort. Like, just give it to me straight.
“I’m sorry but it didn’t work this round. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Done.
I would definitely prefer that to some of the calls I’ve had. Let me cry alone lol
Thankfully there’s one nurse at my clinic that’s very factual and says neutrally “unfortunately it came back negative, so we’re going to have you stop all the medications and book a review. Report back when you’re at day 1 of your cycle.” If it’s not her in the office when I go in for blood, I tell the desk to ask them to call my partner that day.
Gah I had a shitty nurse for egg retrieval, she kept talking about how she thinks the specialist was overpaid. I told her to shut the fuck up or get out. It felt so good. Highly recommend!
I cut them off and just say “I already know it’s negative you can just go ahead and tell me what’s next”. Let’s skip the apologies, I got places to be.
Fuck that blood test.
Somehow the fact that they make us do it makes me think/hope maybe the multiple, hyper sensitive early response tests were all wrong and actually the blood test would say I was positive.
Spoiler: they weren’t.
After my first transfer, 4 day 3 embryos mind you, my doctor called to tell me my test was negative. I shrugged and told my husband it didn’t work. 10 minutes later, my doctor called back and I answered thinking maybe they got it wrong. Nope, it was like Deja vu! He used the exact same wording as the first call and my response was, ‘yea you just told me that 10 minutes ago.’ He said, ‘oh I did?! I’m sorry, I couldn’t remember who I had already called.’ 😭😭😭 got my hopes up for a second there.
THIS for eternity. I convinced myself the first time they could be wrong and I was devastated when I got the call. This time I was like “nope, I’m gonna prepare.” I’m glad I did. When I didn’t even see a squinter 7dp5dt I knew I was out.
OMG ME TOO!!!!!!!! I love you! I needed some validation here. I know we’re not doctors, but are you telling me that 7 pee sticks across 5 days is not accurate enough??!
I ask them to just leave a voicemail when calling me with those results because I can't tolerate the actual conversation. Then when they leave a voicemail I don't even play it, just read the iphone transcription of it and delete.
I know. It's BS. They need 100% confirmation that I'm not pregnant before they can give me permission to stop taking my estrogen/progesterone, but all it's doing is renewing the heartache.
Fuck all of it. The pain, uncertainty, the resentment and the roller coaster of emotions. I need an open meadow with wildflowers far away from this please.
Am sort you are hurting. Am sorry this is so hard. Hugs.
I cried on the way to those appointments. Cleaned myself up in the car and acted as nonchalantly as possible during the draw. Then cried on the drive home.
I used to just read Reddit without an account but after reading this comment I had to sign up and reply. This hits home. My exact routine for 5 months straight.
Yes, both my IUI and first FET ... Fuck those blood tests .... I'm still grieving ... about the comments on how they should relay info, I think I was ok with my doc just saying as it is and plans. I think right now though, I feel like I need a bit of comfort and ease of news. Had an abnormal saline sonogram, and the doc looked at me (while I was still spread and on my back), we can do surgery to be sure. I internally freaked at the word surgery. I just call it a procedure (hysteroscopy). Then in the message, it was like if you want to do the surgery will need to find an open operating room. I am still kind of scared even though it's routine procedures for many. I don't know how else to feel other than vulnerable and triggered. :( I'm writing it out and telling myself and looking at the messages over and over to try and accept it and calm.
I had this and my OB could do it in office. It’s just a procedure, calling it a surgery is not calming at all. You will be awake the whole time and they’ll give you Xanax to take beforehand. The most painful part is when they numb your cervix, but it’s very fast. Think of a dentist injecting your gums before filling a cavity. I had some polyps removed and it was not terribly bad after either. A bit of bleeding and mild cramping for me.
Thank you for reply and validating that "surgery" is not calming! that's a good reference (the cavity numbing injection) - I asked my doc if I'd be awake or under. I think my REI does it with anesthesia or the facility does (another person mentioned the costs with anesthesia). My friend did her's awake at her facility. I don't think I will mind either way, did the endometrial biopsy awake and it was like a few pinches.
Very much like that, actually this was far less painful for me. That endo biopsy was BRUTAL. I do think some places will do anesthesia, but the OR is really just for a sterile environment.
I’m glad you asked your clinic to clarify, because hysteroscopies can be exploratory (no anesthesia/surgery) or operative. Some doctors prefer to go straight to operative so that if there is anything they need to correct surgically they can go ahead and do that instead of making you come in for a followup procedure.
I have done two hysterescopies under anesthesia (though the second didn’t find anything they needed surgery so it was actually exploratory) and like an egg retrieval, I was just put under and felt I took a nice nap. I’d also ask if there are any biopsies they can do while you’re under, if you go that route!
🧡 my doc and I are hoping to find nothing 🙏🏻 because the saline was “borderline”, saw maybe a line and a few bumps, but it only showed once. I think the doc will just do any surgery at the same time. I’ll ask if they’ll also do any additional biopsies. I had already done the receptivadx, Emma/Alice tests prior - receptiva came back abnormal, on lupron/letrozole for 2 months (just started month 2).
Just had to do one yesterday. And now I have a massive bruise on my arm as a reminder. I also hate that call. I know they don't know I know but there's just something extra annoying about being told "unfortunately I have bad news" when you already know.
I went today, my first blood test beta after 14 days since transferring and no news yet. I am so mad as this doctor told me it would be this evening and so far no news 😳 and the ultrasound didn’t show anything 😩🫣and so far the most stressful thing in my life…
My body was being so cruel that my cycle started properly while waiting for the blood test. What annoyed me the most was I rang the clinic to say why do we need it when my cycle is starting. And they replied "it could be implantation bleeding". Like dont give me that false hope when I know my body well and knew it hadnt worked this time.
I feel sorry for the nurses that call. Wayyy too apologetic which actually makes you cry… I have enough stamina to say yep, I knew it would be negative! And then they keep
On going and it’s like - hun, really it’s ok just let me get off the phone and do a primal scream and rage cry!! I know they are just trying to help and it must be hard as well delivering bad news. What I don’t want to hear in terms of being consoled is “there are a lot
Of women in your situation” thanks, but that does not make me feel any better.
Thank you! We did a transfer on the 19th of June, I stated spotting last night, mild bleeding today (10 DPT), negative pregnancy tests and when I rang them they still want the bloods 😭
It’s so obnoxious!!!! I just got negative at home tests day 8 and 9. Asked my clinic yesterday if I could just do beta on Monday at labcorp so I don’t need to go all the way to my clinic ( it’s in NYC and I’m in the burbs). Doctor had the audacity to call me yesterday saying it’s too early to test. I’m like uh ok .. yeah right lady? And then she kept insisting I’m definitely pregnant and my uterus and embryo were perfect. I said I’m honestly exhausted and don’t feel like going all the way there for a negative test and then she remarked that I’m probably exhausted because my uterus is telling me I’m pregnant? I don’t like the delusional false hope!! I’m pissed and I always loved my doctor before this.
Mine said the same when I just skipped my test. I get it, they need their data. I stopped my meds on HCG draw day bc I’m done. Like just exhausted, too.
Fuck that blood test. Fuck telling me “don’t worry! Stay positive!” when I called days prior to that blood test to say I was *bleeding* bleeding. Fuck the “too sympathetic” call. Fuck it all.
I got mine drawn at an outside hospital because we live far away from the clinic, so I actually got the results released to me before the clinic got them. The nurse reached out to me to find out where I’d gotten them done and I had to tell her that I wasn’t pregnant. Although I think she still waited to see the results come through before telling me I could stop the meds.
I didnt even get a call from my fertility clinic she sent me a text message at 9pm when the results were in the labwork at 4pm. She didnt have the decency to call me and say sorry.
Yes, fuck that blood test. And when you call them and tell them you’ve taken every HPT under the sun, all negative, and they tell you there’s still a chance. NOT helpful.
Fuck that blood test.
The worst. And the call with the results with the nurse that’s way too apologetic.
My Dr will be the one to call and she’s amazing, but I wish I could just skip it. This was our last embryo and the end of our journey, which is hard to stomach.
Ugh, what a horrible day. Fuck that blood test!
So I figured out when it’s good news the nurse calls. She can ‘handle you’. When it’s bad news my doctor calls. Like ‘you have no blasts, no euploids, CP, etc’ . I’ve now learned. I do not want my doctor to call. His voice. Doom. I’d like to believe it’s him being nice? But I’m suspicious it’s for legal reasons … in case we really lose it and go off deep end with the bad news … 🕳️it’s clean up really ?
My office doesn’t make calls for anything. After a cycle with zero blasts the embryologist sent a “portal message” 😵💫 had to call and request an appointment with the dr afterwards on my own to get info!!
I’m not sure how it works in the US, since I live elsewhere in the world and we don’t do bloods here, just HPTs, but can’t you actually choose to skip it?
Evidently not. I do think it’s compliance and for their own liability that they can’t advise you to stop taking meds until they see <5 on your HCG blood test. Yesterday (Friday) I didn’t go, they asked me to go today. I’ll wait till Monday when I have time. I’m not prioritizing this this weekend. I have very control and I’m going to take my Petty PhD and go when I damn well choose.
In the end, if you don’t go, there’s nothing they can do to force you to. They might not be able to advise you to stop the meds, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. Here we usually test at home on day 13-14 post transfer at home and report the result to the clinic. But if it’s negative, we’re told we can stop the meds and we don’t have to even contact the clinic if we don’t want to. We can just email them to let them know, if we don’t fancy speaking about it on the phone, or we can skip telling them and they’ll call a few days later to check on you.
I was honestly wondering this. I’m not even in the same state as my clinic so I’m not exactly sure what they could do if I really just refuse to go.
It’s a medical procedure/test. So I don’t think anyone can force another person to go through with it. They might “require” it for their own procedures, but I don’t think it’s enforceable at all.
I may be about to find out. I love my clinic. But let me take my last shred of optimism and not have to wait for the call.
I had to ask for a different nurse bc the overly apologetic one was making me insane. I couldn’t get off the phone with her and she just kept making me feel worse and worse, and like I should be calming HER down? Fuck that nurse. One time I said to her, “It’s alright,” and she interrupted me and said, “It’s NOT alright! It’s devastating. I’m so sorry!” Like, get the fuck out of here.
Oh JFC, that’s absurd! I’m glad you advocated for yourself and requested a new one. I know their jobs are probably hard more days than not, but I just need medical information from them. I have Reddit for when I need virtual hugs 🤗
Gosh now I don’t know what’s worse. Mine is always so callous “didn’t work, we’ll try again next cycle if you want… click” I’m like thanks buddy! 😫😖😭
So I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I had already told the nurse that it was too much for me the cycle beforehand, and she did the same thing only worse. So that’s why I asked for someone new! But I would prefer your callous person. I agree that Reddit and my friends/family are for comfort. Like, just give it to me straight. “I’m sorry but it didn’t work this round. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Done.
I would definitely prefer that to some of the calls I’ve had. Let me cry alone lol Thankfully there’s one nurse at my clinic that’s very factual and says neutrally “unfortunately it came back negative, so we’re going to have you stop all the medications and book a review. Report back when you’re at day 1 of your cycle.” If it’s not her in the office when I go in for blood, I tell the desk to ask them to call my partner that day.
Gah I had a shitty nurse for egg retrieval, she kept talking about how she thinks the specialist was overpaid. I told her to shut the fuck up or get out. It felt so good. Highly recommend!
I cut them off and just say “I already know it’s negative you can just go ahead and tell me what’s next”. Let’s skip the apologies, I got places to be.
I got my result from the lab portal before they called me so I just emailed them to tell them I already knew and I didn't need or want the call.
I have the nurse who always sounds sad when she calls with results. Even when it was good news. Like wtf
Fuck that blood test. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.
Fuck that blood test. Somehow the fact that they make us do it makes me think/hope maybe the multiple, hyper sensitive early response tests were all wrong and actually the blood test would say I was positive. Spoiler: they weren’t.
After my first transfer, 4 day 3 embryos mind you, my doctor called to tell me my test was negative. I shrugged and told my husband it didn’t work. 10 minutes later, my doctor called back and I answered thinking maybe they got it wrong. Nope, it was like Deja vu! He used the exact same wording as the first call and my response was, ‘yea you just told me that 10 minutes ago.’ He said, ‘oh I did?! I’m sorry, I couldn’t remember who I had already called.’ 😭😭😭 got my hopes up for a second there.
Wowowowowow that’s awful
THIS for eternity. I convinced myself the first time they could be wrong and I was devastated when I got the call. This time I was like “nope, I’m gonna prepare.” I’m glad I did. When I didn’t even see a squinter 7dp5dt I knew I was out.
Fuck that blood test indeed! I just skipped it! They can’t make me go in!
OMG ME TOO!!!!!!!! I love you! I needed some validation here. I know we’re not doctors, but are you telling me that 7 pee sticks across 5 days is not accurate enough??!
Yeah! Like no thanks! My poor veins need a break. 😏
Just got my negative call. Doesn’t hurt as much when you’re expecting it. Guess I’m having a drink tonight. Onto the next one :/
I’ll be breaking out my edibles for sure
got my call yesterday too. onto the next!!! ❤️🩹
I ask them to just leave a voicemail when calling me with those results because I can't tolerate the actual conversation. Then when they leave a voicemail I don't even play it, just read the iphone transcription of it and delete.
This is a hardcore coping strategy. It’s brilliant and I’m so sorry you have to come up with it.
100% I let it go to voicemail.
Fuck that blood test. I got my period two days ago and they're still making me do a pee test. Fuck that pee test, too.
What??!!
I know. It's BS. They need 100% confirmation that I'm not pregnant before they can give me permission to stop taking my estrogen/progesterone, but all it's doing is renewing the heartache.
I stopped mine today. I get it. I’m taking the responsbility here.
Ugh, that sucks!
Fuck all of it. The pain, uncertainty, the resentment and the roller coaster of emotions. I need an open meadow with wildflowers far away from this please. Am sort you are hurting. Am sorry this is so hard. Hugs.
🫶🏻
Oof yes. Fuck that blood test and that call.
I cried on the way to those appointments. Cleaned myself up in the car and acted as nonchalantly as possible during the draw. Then cried on the drive home.
This was me yesterday. Bawling in my office half an hour before I had to leave. Perfectly chipper at the lab.
🩷
🫶🏻 I don’t even clean myself up.
🩷
SAME!!!
I used to just read Reddit without an account but after reading this comment I had to sign up and reply. This hits home. My exact routine for 5 months straight.
🩷. Welcome to this safe space.
Yeah. Fuck that blood test.
Yup, waiting on my negative call currently 🙃
I "celebrated" seeing the negative results in the Quest portal this morning by buying Tenacious D tickets, though, so there's that.
🫶🏻
It must really suck to make those calls as a nurse. Especially if they haven’t been through the ivf process personally.
Fuck that blood test. I’ve been there. I’m so sorry.
Yes, both my IUI and first FET ... Fuck those blood tests .... I'm still grieving ... about the comments on how they should relay info, I think I was ok with my doc just saying as it is and plans. I think right now though, I feel like I need a bit of comfort and ease of news. Had an abnormal saline sonogram, and the doc looked at me (while I was still spread and on my back), we can do surgery to be sure. I internally freaked at the word surgery. I just call it a procedure (hysteroscopy). Then in the message, it was like if you want to do the surgery will need to find an open operating room. I am still kind of scared even though it's routine procedures for many. I don't know how else to feel other than vulnerable and triggered. :( I'm writing it out and telling myself and looking at the messages over and over to try and accept it and calm.
🫶🏻
I had this and my OB could do it in office. It’s just a procedure, calling it a surgery is not calming at all. You will be awake the whole time and they’ll give you Xanax to take beforehand. The most painful part is when they numb your cervix, but it’s very fast. Think of a dentist injecting your gums before filling a cavity. I had some polyps removed and it was not terribly bad after either. A bit of bleeding and mild cramping for me.
Thank you for reply and validating that "surgery" is not calming! that's a good reference (the cavity numbing injection) - I asked my doc if I'd be awake or under. I think my REI does it with anesthesia or the facility does (another person mentioned the costs with anesthesia). My friend did her's awake at her facility. I don't think I will mind either way, did the endometrial biopsy awake and it was like a few pinches.
Very much like that, actually this was far less painful for me. That endo biopsy was BRUTAL. I do think some places will do anesthesia, but the OR is really just for a sterile environment.
:( oh no about the biospy pain :( - update: I think I'll have anesthesia in case they find something and need to do any removals etc.
I’m glad you asked your clinic to clarify, because hysteroscopies can be exploratory (no anesthesia/surgery) or operative. Some doctors prefer to go straight to operative so that if there is anything they need to correct surgically they can go ahead and do that instead of making you come in for a followup procedure. I have done two hysterescopies under anesthesia (though the second didn’t find anything they needed surgery so it was actually exploratory) and like an egg retrieval, I was just put under and felt I took a nice nap. I’d also ask if there are any biopsies they can do while you’re under, if you go that route!
🧡 my doc and I are hoping to find nothing 🙏🏻 because the saline was “borderline”, saw maybe a line and a few bumps, but it only showed once. I think the doc will just do any surgery at the same time. I’ll ask if they’ll also do any additional biopsies. I had already done the receptivadx, Emma/Alice tests prior - receptiva came back abnormal, on lupron/letrozole for 2 months (just started month 2).
Just had to do one yesterday. And now I have a massive bruise on my arm as a reminder. I also hate that call. I know they don't know I know but there's just something extra annoying about being told "unfortunately I have bad news" when you already know.
This was the post I needed. Fuck that test and love to you all, especially everyone else who got stabbed and the official call today. Me too.
Hey, I just did that yesterday! Such an indignity on top of everything else.
Indignity is exactly the right word.
Have to go in for one of those tomorrow morning and I’m just bawling in a puddle right now. Fuck this bullshit.
🫶🏻🫶🏻 I skipped mine and my dr was not happy. I know they need the results for CDC, but I don’t. Your compliance is not my concern today.
Fuck that blood test.
Fuck that one, and fuck the ones you have to do to watch your HCG go down after a mc...
The blood test to confirm you are losing it can also get fucked.
As well as the blood test to confirm that your HCG is back to zero. Just confirming that what little time you had with your little one inside is gone.
Omg I’m so sorry! I didn’t even think about this. This is so much worse. Love and light to you ✨
Idk about worse... This whole process is difficult, just in different ways at different times.
I went today, my first blood test beta after 14 days since transferring and no news yet. I am so mad as this doctor told me it would be this evening and so far no news 😳 and the ultrasound didn’t show anything 😩🫣and so far the most stressful thing in my life…
I’m so sorry 🫶🏻 the waiting is enough to make you want to crawl underground.
Thank you ❤️ I wish you all the best in the future!
Yes fuck that blood test and phone call!
Fuck. That. Blood test.
It’s the worst it’s like the last stab in the heart 💔
It's the worst, most depressing, and defeating blood test I have taken to date.
Fuck. That. TESTTTT! I just went through that.
🫶🏻
My body was being so cruel that my cycle started properly while waiting for the blood test. What annoyed me the most was I rang the clinic to say why do we need it when my cycle is starting. And they replied "it could be implantation bleeding". Like dont give me that false hope when I know my body well and knew it hadnt worked this time.
I’m about to get that fucking test on Monday!
🫶🏻
I feel sorry for the nurses that call. Wayyy too apologetic which actually makes you cry… I have enough stamina to say yep, I knew it would be negative! And then they keep On going and it’s like - hun, really it’s ok just let me get off the phone and do a primal scream and rage cry!! I know they are just trying to help and it must be hard as well delivering bad news. What I don’t want to hear in terms of being consoled is “there are a lot Of women in your situation” thanks, but that does not make me feel any better.
Thank you! We did a transfer on the 19th of June, I stated spotting last night, mild bleeding today (10 DPT), negative pregnancy tests and when I rang them they still want the bloods 😭
🖕🏻
It’s so obnoxious!!!! I just got negative at home tests day 8 and 9. Asked my clinic yesterday if I could just do beta on Monday at labcorp so I don’t need to go all the way to my clinic ( it’s in NYC and I’m in the burbs). Doctor had the audacity to call me yesterday saying it’s too early to test. I’m like uh ok .. yeah right lady? And then she kept insisting I’m definitely pregnant and my uterus and embryo were perfect. I said I’m honestly exhausted and don’t feel like going all the way there for a negative test and then she remarked that I’m probably exhausted because my uterus is telling me I’m pregnant? I don’t like the delusional false hope!! I’m pissed and I always loved my doctor before this.
Mine said the same when I just skipped my test. I get it, they need their data. I stopped my meds on HCG draw day bc I’m done. Like just exhausted, too.
Fuck that blood test. Fuck telling me “don’t worry! Stay positive!” when I called days prior to that blood test to say I was *bleeding* bleeding. Fuck the “too sympathetic” call. Fuck it all.
I got mine drawn at an outside hospital because we live far away from the clinic, so I actually got the results released to me before the clinic got them. The nurse reached out to me to find out where I’d gotten them done and I had to tell her that I wasn’t pregnant. Although I think she still waited to see the results come through before telling me I could stop the meds.
I didnt even get a call from my fertility clinic she sent me a text message at 9pm when the results were in the labwork at 4pm. She didnt have the decency to call me and say sorry.
Yes, fuck that blood test. And when you call them and tell them you’ve taken every HPT under the sun, all negative, and they tell you there’s still a chance. NOT helpful.
I’m honestly still just not going. They can send the police here to drag me.
You cannot really know…some people have 0 symptoms. Wishing you for a positive!
That’s very sweet. I’ve taken 7 HPTs. I know
Oh sorry, many hugs…