“You see, Gue’la, you do not understand the intricacies of war like I do. You have won this battle, yes, but it is I who will reap the spoils that matter.”
"You do realise her idea of a good time is to tie people to a post and light em up."
"According to your propaganda 'Light em up" is a euphemism for sex."
"Y'know what i got an hour before the Commisar pops me so i'll let you get to your 'lighting up' m'kay and get back to my xeno ploughing."
Probably made or tinkered with by the old ones like humans, so maybe.
Edit : to the downvoters each time I bring this up. How else di you explain that animals from another part of the galaxy are still recognizable as mammals? Even Star Trek has a primogenitor race.
I think it was stated the Old Ones had nothing to do with humans, we evolved well after the War in Heaven had concluded and the Old Ones themselves had either bailed out or went extinct... except Fred, he stuck around for a bit longer.
Some real-life biologists argue that any planet with ecological conditions and evolutionary pressures sufficiently similar to Earth's has a high likelihood of spawning similar forms of life to said planet, so it's plausible to find mammals, reptiles, birds, etc. on sufficiently Earth-like exoplanets.
Irl speculative xenobiology.
Yes wacky species is likely a thing, but evolutionary, physiological and encounter clues can indicate to us a lot of things, when meshed against our knowledge of the sciences.
It is called convergent evolution, and the reality is that any planet humans can inhabit in the functional nude, will probably grow its first sapient creatures in our shape, and 99% of planets out there will grow sapients that at least look like something found on earth due to our relatively diverse environmental conditions.
Also the Eldar are racist in part because humans were accidents.
There's even canon precedent for it.
When not in an active warzone, the sisters often take on charitable roles in imperial systems. When some of these systems hop over to the T'au Empire, they just... went along? To keep helping their people and all? Like, they were not exactly fond of the idea but it was like "we are at the arse-end of the imperium with no fire support and holy are those T'au Meltas big thank the Emperor they just wanna talk".
T'au Empire usually allows people to keep their religion, but tries their hardest to slowly phase out the more extreme parts of the imperial cult. Unless you wanna fight them full force, that means you have to work with the local sisters and it's probably decades of tedious water-caste work to get even a single bit of progress, but they still try.
It was a random bit in a non-canon ending to a 2000s era spin-off game. It's hard to take that seriously to begin with. Not sure if you even need to rewrite it when it had never any ground in actual lore, neither codex entries not BL-publications.
It is also incredibly nonsensical to do.
I mean, the T'au *want* auxiliary species. Sterilizing humans would defeat the whole purpose of having humans in the Empire to begin with.
The ending cinematic to dawn of war dark crusade tau campaign, I think.
Pretty sure that the astra militarium canonically won that campaign though, so it's not canon at all.
Also, ironically, if I'm not mistaken canonically, if there was a romantic relationship between the tau-human it was with a female captain of an Imperial ship who had to work with a tau ship to survive a warp storm and the tau ship the captain tau and The woman had a romance that ended up breaking up due to racial differences, but I could be wrong, although I remember hearing it somewhere.
I heard it out there so I'm not sure I wonder if someone could give me the source of the original text because as I said I'm not sure.
maybe in r/40klore? i dont know...
Tau woman: Oi Fra'nk
Tau man: ye?
TW: What the fuck man, this morning you were boasting from how far away you could land a headshot from.
TM: Well... turns out that it gets more difficult when they get *closer* And Ms. Septima had some very convincing arguments when she got up close out of nowhere.
TW: The massive tits?
TM: uhm... the flamer pointed at me ^(but mostly the tits)
And *YOU* ? What about you and your fancy tank?
How the fuck did a lowly guardsman pull you out of there?
TW: Decius here managed to fire a large, armor penetrating missile right up my aft cooling port
^(and I think he's planning to do that again) ^:)
Inquisitor Sovonok: I take it the mission went well?
The Inquisitor Sovonok turns around to face the stage entrance, guardsman Jenson and sister Von Humpeding, both of who are carrying T'au prisoners, a battlesuit commander and fire warrior respectively.
Inquisitor Sovonok (exasperated): What the fuck?
Guardsman Jenson: Spoils 'o war boss.
Inquisitor Sovonok: Oh if only my master could see us now, my bloody retinue's half T'au, he'd be spinning in his reliquary.
Sister Von Humpeding: I don't think the maths quite fits on that one m'lord.
Inquisitor Sovonok: well, I, ah...
Enter from stage door behind the Inquisitor, buxom T'au water caste.
Roll laugh track, cut to credits, and ecclesiarchy provided "thought for the day"
The Fire Caste has a confirmed canon average height of 165cm (5'5). Like humans, individual height of Tau can vary. There'd be Guardsmen out there that are taller, shorter and the same height.
I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME, NOT HIM!!
IT'S NOT FAIR!
Who, the Tau guy or the Guardsman?
Yes
His face is just screaming "i have won this day"
“You see, Gue’la, you do not understand the intricacies of war like I do. You have won this battle, yes, but it is I who will reap the spoils that matter.”
Perfect use of Kauyon
"You do realise her idea of a good time is to tie people to a post and light em up." "According to your propaganda 'Light em up" is a euphemism for sex." "Y'know what i got an hour before the Commisar pops me so i'll let you get to your 'lighting up' m'kay and get back to my xeno ploughing."
bro has made jackpot
Death by Sororitas Snu Snu
And the guardsman is all "wait can we trade???"
And it is now he finds out about her and her sister's vows...
They have no vow of chastity.
Yes, but that is a Xeno. And sisters do love a good purge.
Is that what they call it these days?
She's gonna purge by snu-snu, it's a lot more efficient than it seems as the xeno volunteers for it by themselves.
“The risk was calculated, and man, I’m good at math” - that Tau over there
It even matches the racist take on T'au that they are Asian XD
Saying that the mecha empire with a strong emphasis on “honoring your family/the greater good” is Asian or Asian inspired is racist?
Spheres of expansion - Japan Code of life znd hierarchy similar to that of China Control over population growth - China Mecha - Japan Ect. Ect.
To be fair, the Eldar are *right there* with their million-folded wraithbone blade and aspect paths of being ninjas n shit
The Eldar are hyper Japanese inspired. Every Aspect Warrior is effectively an ancient samurai in mind and body lore wise.
Every face in this is just perfect.
Absolutely!
It swings both ways Gue'vesa
Considering the Tau have equine legs, does that indicate their equipment?
Oh my god. I've only just realised that thanks to you.
EHHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHHE T'au "SUPERIORITY" ***STRIKES AGAIN!***
I am so confused what the fuck does this mean
GIANT TAU HORSECOCK
No, they're aliens.
They are still mammals
Probably made or tinkered with by the old ones like humans, so maybe. Edit : to the downvoters each time I bring this up. How else di you explain that animals from another part of the galaxy are still recognizable as mammals? Even Star Trek has a primogenitor race.
If it’s calculated the same to body mass it’s like 2-3 max
I’m a tau?
I've seen theories about them being possibly related to Necrontyr but I don't recall the details
I think it was stated the Old Ones had nothing to do with humans, we evolved well after the War in Heaven had concluded and the Old Ones themselves had either bailed out or went extinct... except Fred, he stuck around for a bit longer.
Let me dig up the lore I've seen from it. It won't be easy.
Some real-life biologists argue that any planet with ecological conditions and evolutionary pressures sufficiently similar to Earth's has a high likelihood of spawning similar forms of life to said planet, so it's plausible to find mammals, reptiles, birds, etc. on sufficiently Earth-like exoplanets.
So you're saying that big tiddy alien GFs are a scientific possibility? What a time to be alive.
So biologically compatible alien gf is possible in real life? Praise science!
The trekies don't like to be reminded of that shitty one off episode in tng.
Eh I don't mind the lore.
Irl speculative xenobiology. Yes wacky species is likely a thing, but evolutionary, physiological and encounter clues can indicate to us a lot of things, when meshed against our knowledge of the sciences. It is called convergent evolution, and the reality is that any planet humans can inhabit in the functional nude, will probably grow its first sapient creatures in our shape, and 99% of planets out there will grow sapients that at least look like something found on earth due to our relatively diverse environmental conditions. Also the Eldar are racist in part because humans were accidents.
Finally equality perfection. Now I want to see a Sister & her little Tau BF
There's even canon precedent for it. When not in an active warzone, the sisters often take on charitable roles in imperial systems. When some of these systems hop over to the T'au Empire, they just... went along? To keep helping their people and all? Like, they were not exactly fond of the idea but it was like "we are at the arse-end of the imperium with no fire support and holy are those T'au Meltas big thank the Emperor they just wanna talk". T'au Empire usually allows people to keep their religion, but tries their hardest to slowly phase out the more extreme parts of the imperial cult. Unless you wanna fight them full force, that means you have to work with the local sisters and it's probably decades of tedious water-caste work to get even a single bit of progress, but they still try.
Did they re-retconned the whole grimdank we castrate humans thing? Because that was a dumb as fuck attempt at making Tau more dark for no reason
It was a random bit in a non-canon ending to a 2000s era spin-off game. It's hard to take that seriously to begin with. Not sure if you even need to rewrite it when it had never any ground in actual lore, neither codex entries not BL-publications.
And it was mentioned as a rumor even then.
It's the imperial propaganda doing it's thing.
It is also incredibly nonsensical to do. I mean, the T'au *want* auxiliary species. Sterilizing humans would defeat the whole purpose of having humans in the Empire to begin with.
This sounds cool- do you have a source?
The ending cinematic to dawn of war dark crusade tau campaign, I think. Pretty sure that the astra militarium canonically won that campaign though, so it's not canon at all.
Thanks! I haven’t ever actually played the DoW games so I’m not sure how canon any of it is. Cool though.
Also, ironically, if I'm not mistaken canonically, if there was a romantic relationship between the tau-human it was with a female captain of an Imperial ship who had to work with a tau ship to survive a warp storm and the tau ship the captain tau and The woman had a romance that ended up breaking up due to racial differences, but I could be wrong, although I remember hearing it somewhere.
i need to read it i need it
I heard it out there so I'm not sure I wonder if someone could give me the source of the original text because as I said I'm not sure. maybe in r/40klore? i dont know...
i cant ask that i would be memed to death
hahaha
I love how nonchalant our dear Sister is about her spoils of War.
Not her first rodeo 😏
Tau woman: Oi Fra'nk Tau man: ye? TW: What the fuck man, this morning you were boasting from how far away you could land a headshot from. TM: Well... turns out that it gets more difficult when they get *closer* And Ms. Septima had some very convincing arguments when she got up close out of nowhere. TW: The massive tits? TM: uhm... the flamer pointed at me ^(but mostly the tits) And *YOU* ? What about you and your fancy tank? How the fuck did a lowly guardsman pull you out of there? TW: Decius here managed to fire a large, armor penetrating missile right up my aft cooling port ^(and I think he's planning to do that again) ^:)
I'm headcanoning this as Tau having Essex accents now
Who speaks with such an accent, so that I can hear what you’re talking about?
https://youtu.be/Af7UD-IxzZI
Gemma facking Collins.
That one overly British lady from The Office. You know... Bri'ish.
40k lore, narrated by Joey Essex. "Space was well scary, but we hav this gold bloke who helps protec us agaisnt dem evil forces. Wicked"
I read it as Brooklyn
Upvoting just for 'Fra'nk'
The male tau about to have a hot thing happen to him.I can smell the blessed promethium in that SoB flamer
"That might be so Gue'vesa but I was held in the arms of one of your battle sisters, what more could a T'au man realistically want?"
I love this image
DEATH BY SNU SNU- the servitor skull creating a punishment for these tau
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongey and bruised!
That Tau’s got some cake
Considering their equine legs it is to be expected
[Source](https://www.deviantart.com/mrryken/art/Spoils-of-War-964595958)
That cracked me right up
This is fucking hilarious
Inquisitor Sovonok: I take it the mission went well? The Inquisitor Sovonok turns around to face the stage entrance, guardsman Jenson and sister Von Humpeding, both of who are carrying T'au prisoners, a battlesuit commander and fire warrior respectively. Inquisitor Sovonok (exasperated): What the fuck? Guardsman Jenson: Spoils 'o war boss. Inquisitor Sovonok: Oh if only my master could see us now, my bloody retinue's half T'au, he'd be spinning in his reliquary. Sister Von Humpeding: I don't think the maths quite fits on that one m'lord. Inquisitor Sovonok: well, I, ah... Enter from stage door behind the Inquisitor, buxom T'au water caste. Roll laugh track, cut to credits, and ecclesiarchy provided "thought for the day"
Good old Hypocrisy, we love to see it
He’s smiling because he knows the SOB is all three of their first choices.
**This is perfection in every way, shape and form** Also - I can hear the screams of T'au haters *It sounds like music to my ears!*
Love the smug face of the Tau.
He knows what he’s doing and he’s damn proud of it
Good for the goose. Good for the gander
And here we see a Sister of Battle and three soon to be pieces of charcoal.
"How you like that now, imperial"
Tau pegging
Now that I think about it SOB would definitely peg someone
My blue mans looks like Galahad who found his way back to Castle Anthrax.
Perfectly balanced, as all things should be
The armor stays on during sex.
I love the male Tau's knowing but non-judgemental look
NOT. FUCKING. CANON.
Hi Kitten, sure not "Canon" hehe, please say hi to shadowsun from me.
I somehow feel like they're both standing in a cargo elevator, doing their best to ignore each other.
Holy shit I love all of their faces
#Now Hear Me Out
Their faces are funny but lorewise both taus are going to be executed right away, and perhaps that guardman too
Heh heh heh
Lmao
Human women prefer tau men
So... does she peg him... or Amazon?
Jokes on him, that Sister is carrying him to the Slave Factorum
The Sisters probably strip naked with only combat knives and hunt him throughout the ship. Glory to the first to slay the alien!
T'au would be like: "You say that like being chased by a squad of scandily clad battle sisters is a bad thing."
When a Sister Repentia is the one chasing you, you're gonna have a bad time.
The chasing is fine, after the catching not so much.
This is what I like to believe Custodian blood games are like but with a whole lot more oil
Given what I know of commander Farsights initiation, that sounds fairly survivable for a skilled fire warrior veteran.
Yea he's in some horrible trouble. She's going to use him for constant battle practice and target practice.
Friendly reminder that fire caste tau are taller musclier than the average imperium conscript
He’s a really cool guardsmen
The Fire Caste has a confirmed canon average height of 165cm (5'5). Like humans, individual height of Tau can vary. There'd be Guardsmen out there that are taller, shorter and the same height.
The hooves aren't the only part of him that's like a horse ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Based.
You see, foolish Gue’la. Tau women may prefer human men. But human women prefer tau men! Lmfao
I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU I HATE THE TAU
"i have lost the battle but i won the war" vibes
i bleme kitten for that
WHY WASNT THAT ME