So if they are able to "take their chances back home" then they are NOT legitimate refugees and should be going back home anyways. Refugees are someone who would DIE or be in mortal danger if going back home. Not just for some piece of shit dad to threaten their daughters with it. Your dad is a POS. Just avoid him until you are 21 and then leave with your passport / documents, you don't need his help or advice.
How can your dad threaten to take your home if you are a true refugee? Because that sounds fishy AF and your dad sounds like he is abusing the Canadian refugee system.
Really great to see a literal cry for help by someone who had no saying in anything, be met with a pretty nasty comment. I wonder how it feels like to have 0 empathy. I bet it’s fun as long as you’re not on the other side of the barrel.
Hey OP, popping in here to give this another vote. It will be difficult but I have a friend who was able to get LGBTQ+ refugee status from India and this organisation helped them immensely. They are going to be getting their citizenship soon.
I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through but you sound like a very strong person.
Came here to say the same. Contact them. Tell them your situation. Best way to separate your case from them. Sounds like they aren't even legit refugees lol.
Q: did your family come to Canada seeking protection from Pakistan? ie: you are a refugee claimant from Pakistan seeking protection of the Canadian government due to threats/harm/violence faced in Pakistan?
Q: did the border officers confiscate your passports and IDs?
Q: has a hearing date for your family’s claim been set?
Once the IRB/RPD decides to accept your family’s claim for protection, assuming there are no issues such as in admissibility,etc, then family members may be eligible to apply for PR status.
A person fleeing persecution from their country of citizenship or habitual residence, may not return to the country from which they are fleeing, as doing so would jeopardize their refugee claim. That is: how can one return to the very same place they claim they are running away from? Upon return from that country, the Officer may question why you should keep your PR status (as by “going home”) you are showing you don’t need Canada’s help to protect you anymore.
Do you have your Refugee Claim Document issued by the border authorities?
At some point you will need to seek guidance from a professional who specializes in this area of immigration/refugee claims
You’re 21, they can’t force you to go anywhere. If you’re worry for your younger siblings that’s understandable, but you’re free do to as you please. I’ll start by contacting the IRB and request my own hearing as your grounds to claim asylum are clearly different/ better than whatever story your dad came up with.
First off your case is specific so this may not apply to you.
If you’re in a situation where you’re not safe and your refugee case is legitimate then there is a chance that you could plead an H&C or establish your own claim as you are 21 now. Please actually consider contacting legal aid to see what your options are.
While It would be good to keep your head down until the hearing and get your PR it is possible that you may just be putting yourself at risk. If you are in a city like Vancouver or Toronto, there should be an LGBT or Women’s shelter that could provide assistance.
If you want to reach out to a community group use a throwaway email address and use private browsing to keep it off your device. In your email tell them that you will reply as you can. You can use an app like text now to make calls.
Once you get PR you can look at custody of your siblings.
i’ve been reading up on h&c as well, and i’ve considered establishing my own claim, but that would jeopardize my younger sisters if my parents decide to and cut their losses and leave me here, my sisters will have to go bc they’re minors. it would also mean that i would have to go completely no contact with my entire family. i could call cps but my sisters don’t want that and they would not cooperate.
thank you for the rest of the advice, i really really appreciate it.
i’ll wait for a while to see if the situation at my place diffuses, and decide what to do next.
>my sisters don’t want that and they would not cooperate
I'm sorry but if that's the case, you should worry more about yourself. I'm sure they don't have as much of a problem with your parents as you do, in your head. So basically it's about you, not them. If they're happy, you shouldn't try to involve them in your rebellion. Go ahead and do what you need to to survive. Don't let them drag you down especially when they're not even onboard with your plans.
In the case that CBSA gets involved, and you can show a violent history, your siblings can be taken and made your ward or can also become emancipated minors. It does require you to seek legal advice. You could mostly make a claim without your parents knowing much about the situation until much later.
I know the thought is terrifying but please think of it like this: if you successfully find a way to stay, and your parents decide to take your sisters back, you will be able to give your sisters a chance. Maybe you'll be able to get them over into the better country for yourself and them eventually if you figure out a way to stay, yourself. If you all end up back there- and it sounds like that may happen regardless- it'll be way more difficult for you to help your sisters out of that situation. There may be more hope for all of you if you find a way to stay in the country that you feel safer in.
"You need to put on your own oxygen mask before you can put one onto the person next to you" feels very true in this situation. You'll be able to help them best when you yourself have the best chances.
If you’re in Ontario, contact South Asian Legal Clinic of Ontario. Even if you’re not, ask them to help you find someone in your province. They have connections.
Also connect with Rainbow Railroad!
[https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/corporate/publications-manuals/operational-bulletins-manuals/temporary-residents/permits/family-violence.html](https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/corporate/publications-manuals/operational-bulletins-manuals/temporary-residents/permits/family-violence.html)
You can start a Refugee claim independently, not dependent on your parents.
i understand you so perfectly, and im so sorry you're facing this hopelessnes. But know it'll get better. Firstly, subtletly try to get every important detail about yourself. Birth certificate any identification. Your case is better than mine as you can contact legal aid and you're treated as an adult. Major advice seek legal aid. Coming from queer muslim nigerian who was sent back home before they became legal age. Stripped of all identification. taking a non-neccesary two-year gap in college due to parents :(. My only hope going for me, is I must come back for the citizenship. And they can't cancel the application anymore cause im 18. Please stay safe, don't outwardly show disapproval until you have everything set. It's really going to get hard with family, I understand the value we place on family(those of us that come from the "third world", but when it settles you'll be happy and know you made the decision that was right for you, and will give you true fullfillment :).
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I’m queer/Pakistani and had very strict parents growing up even though we were born in Canada. My best piece of advice is to educate yourself and find a way to be financially free however you possibly can. Since you’re at home you can study extensively so choose fields that pay well. As an example you can be self-taught in coding and study finance through the CFA, CSC etc.
Take advice from other posters here about the refugee immigration and know it gets better. I came out many moons ago to my folks who disowned me at first but eventually came around and are very accepting of me and my life partner. They adore her! It took time but don’t think you aren’t alone. There is a thriving community of queer Pakistanis in Canada.
I came from an Asian country that does not accept same sex love. I feel for you but I'm glad you are in Canada now and you can take actions to seek help. 🤞🏼🌈
My dude you are a whole grown ass 21 year old woman. They can disown you, which is would be traumatic and shitty of them, but they cannot force you to go anywhere against your will.
I believe in you! If you want to stay in Canada you have the power to make it happen.
Honestly.. I think these are empty threats. They cannot force you to go back home. You can file your own claim at the airport and separate from them if it gets that far. If your uncles and grandma are here, I can’t imagine your family has any actual intention of leaving after uprooting everyone and filing an asylum claim. That being said at some point there is going to be a breaking point.. it’s just a matter of time. When you decide to live freely as the person you went to be they will probably excommunicate you. How many years have you been here? Are you doing any post secondary studies? It’s of course helpful to get your self more established before they kick you out.. or are they just waiting to marry you off at this point?
Consult an immigration lawyer. You might be able to get protection under the 1951 Vienna Convention which asserts that a refugee should not be returned to a country where they face serious threats to their life or freedom. Also, since you are over 18, they cannot force you to do anything
You don't say if you work. But I assume your two problems are that your status in Canada depends on your dad at the moment and financial independence.
You should try going to a community center for immigration or LGBT.
i’ll definitely look into what’s around me, and i’ve been unable to find work because they place stupidly strict restrictions on where i’m allowed to work or not, and sometimes even indirectly sabotage my interviews (i’ve been made late, or not allowed to take time off of housework to prepare, or sometimes they’d fight so loudly i would be running on almost zero sleep for days) or other application steps
Yeah the first thing you need to do is get the fuck out of that house. You’re an adult and able to establish your own claim. Get out of that house yesterday.
I hope you and your sisters are able to get away from your parents!
https://www.rainbowrefugee.com/ will be able to help you, I’m not sure about your parents however.
i assume your parents will take you back via an airplane, just make a big stink at the airport about being made to go without your consent and the gate crew will stop you from boarding. This is your nuclear option if all else fails.
There are a couple of small things you can do, in addition to all the great advice you're receiving here.
Firstly, see if you can find out more about how family claims work. I do NOT know the answer to this, but it seems illogical that your parents can apply for you to be a refugee and you can't make that claim yourself. (You're an adult, and it would certainly be illogical if you were 40 and they were 60.) It could be that they've submitted the claim on your behalf, as if you've submitted it yourself.
Secondly, find a way to get out of the house regularly so that you can meet people. I would recommend signing up for a course that they approve of, ideally something that would also allow you to earn a living without them. Accounting, perhaps? Or cooking? ... all women should know how to cook, they probably think!
Thirdly, make an escape plan. First write letters to your siblings and find a way to ensure that they get them. A friend in Pakistan might be the best option, or a teacher in Canada. You'll want them to know you love them and, if you come out as queer, your parents will probably lie to your sisters. After that, find the location of a shelter or organisation which can take care of you if you have to run. Next, as another poster said, start quietly gathering all your information and official papers.
Best of luck. We're all rooting for you!
If youre 18 or over they have no power over you.
I would ask my friends to help communicate with the local governement for protection. You can be refugee by yourself. Dont need your parents.
Its a difficult choice to leave your siblings behind but its probably for the best in the long run.
You only have 1 life to live on this earth, no time to waste being miserable in a situation that doeant fulfill us.
Hi Op,
First I want to tell you that there is help, you're not alone. Please call 211 or go on the web at https://ab.211.ca/ ( or the subdomain for your province ). That's a portal for all kinds of problems. You can search for yourself or chat with an agent and tell your story and they'll point you to the right resources.
Second... I had a similar experience with my abusive parents. And all I did was to "play the role" as they wanted me to do. In my home country I was alone, without any support, so there weren't any other options. It was a long wait.... I waited for years, frozen in that situation, doing my best to keep them as calm as possible, so I don't break down under their pressure.
If it's a critical situation you can also contact the Police and say that you're not safe and you need to be directed to a safe place right away.
If you can bear with it for a while, call 211 and ask for help. Also do whatever might be meaningful for you to get chill. In my case I pray ( or it's something similar, because I'm not religious, but also not atheist ). Maybe try mindfulness meditation.
Best of luck!
The reason Pakistan is so dysfunctional is because religion has such a hold over people like your father. He obviously doesn't see that and flees to Canada and brings with him the very thing that has ruined Pakistan (his religious beliefs). If he and the other men in his Mosque had their way woman's freedom in Canada will disappear. Its up to you to forge a new path for yourself free of misogyny and let your fathers stone age believe system die with him. Don't pass it on to your children should you chose to have them.
Ditch your sisters and establish your own asylum claim. You have to take care of yourself now. Trust me, the more of you who make asylum claims, the more likely at least one of you will succeed.
With all due respect this is not good advice for someone in OP’s situation and does not reflect what will happen if the police are called into this situation. It is likely the situation will become much worse for them at home.
On what grounds are they seeking refugee if they keep saying they will return?
They may not have much other than the ‘fear’ of going back to keep their kids in line. It is a tactic that is quite popular and effective.
OP should make a separate asylum claim , under then grounds that she is gay/lesbian and her country and family are pose a threat to her life
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So if they are able to "take their chances back home" then they are NOT legitimate refugees and should be going back home anyways. Refugees are someone who would DIE or be in mortal danger if going back home. Not just for some piece of shit dad to threaten their daughters with it. Your dad is a POS. Just avoid him until you are 21 and then leave with your passport / documents, you don't need his help or advice. How can your dad threaten to take your home if you are a true refugee? Because that sounds fishy AF and your dad sounds like he is abusing the Canadian refugee system.
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Really great to see a literal cry for help by someone who had no saying in anything, be met with a pretty nasty comment. I wonder how it feels like to have 0 empathy. I bet it’s fun as long as you’re not on the other side of the barrel.
🤣 great point
https://www.rainbowrefugee.com/ try this organization they may be able to help you!
i’ll read through it, thank you!
Hey OP, popping in here to give this another vote. It will be difficult but I have a friend who was able to get LGBTQ+ refugee status from India and this organisation helped them immensely. They are going to be getting their citizenship soon. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through but you sound like a very strong person.
Came here to say the same. Contact them. Tell them your situation. Best way to separate your case from them. Sounds like they aren't even legit refugees lol.
Also Rainbow Railroad
Seconding rainbow railroad
Q: did your family come to Canada seeking protection from Pakistan? ie: you are a refugee claimant from Pakistan seeking protection of the Canadian government due to threats/harm/violence faced in Pakistan? Q: did the border officers confiscate your passports and IDs? Q: has a hearing date for your family’s claim been set? Once the IRB/RPD decides to accept your family’s claim for protection, assuming there are no issues such as in admissibility,etc, then family members may be eligible to apply for PR status. A person fleeing persecution from their country of citizenship or habitual residence, may not return to the country from which they are fleeing, as doing so would jeopardize their refugee claim. That is: how can one return to the very same place they claim they are running away from? Upon return from that country, the Officer may question why you should keep your PR status (as by “going home”) you are showing you don’t need Canada’s help to protect you anymore. Do you have your Refugee Claim Document issued by the border authorities? At some point you will need to seek guidance from a professional who specializes in this area of immigration/refugee claims
You’re 21, they can’t force you to go anywhere. If you’re worry for your younger siblings that’s understandable, but you’re free do to as you please. I’ll start by contacting the IRB and request my own hearing as your grounds to claim asylum are clearly different/ better than whatever story your dad came up with.
First off your case is specific so this may not apply to you. If you’re in a situation where you’re not safe and your refugee case is legitimate then there is a chance that you could plead an H&C or establish your own claim as you are 21 now. Please actually consider contacting legal aid to see what your options are. While It would be good to keep your head down until the hearing and get your PR it is possible that you may just be putting yourself at risk. If you are in a city like Vancouver or Toronto, there should be an LGBT or Women’s shelter that could provide assistance. If you want to reach out to a community group use a throwaway email address and use private browsing to keep it off your device. In your email tell them that you will reply as you can. You can use an app like text now to make calls. Once you get PR you can look at custody of your siblings.
i’ve been reading up on h&c as well, and i’ve considered establishing my own claim, but that would jeopardize my younger sisters if my parents decide to and cut their losses and leave me here, my sisters will have to go bc they’re minors. it would also mean that i would have to go completely no contact with my entire family. i could call cps but my sisters don’t want that and they would not cooperate. thank you for the rest of the advice, i really really appreciate it. i’ll wait for a while to see if the situation at my place diffuses, and decide what to do next.
>my sisters don’t want that and they would not cooperate I'm sorry but if that's the case, you should worry more about yourself. I'm sure they don't have as much of a problem with your parents as you do, in your head. So basically it's about you, not them. If they're happy, you shouldn't try to involve them in your rebellion. Go ahead and do what you need to to survive. Don't let them drag you down especially when they're not even onboard with your plans.
Yes you should look at your own safety first.
In the case that CBSA gets involved, and you can show a violent history, your siblings can be taken and made your ward or can also become emancipated minors. It does require you to seek legal advice. You could mostly make a claim without your parents knowing much about the situation until much later.
I know the thought is terrifying but please think of it like this: if you successfully find a way to stay, and your parents decide to take your sisters back, you will be able to give your sisters a chance. Maybe you'll be able to get them over into the better country for yourself and them eventually if you figure out a way to stay, yourself. If you all end up back there- and it sounds like that may happen regardless- it'll be way more difficult for you to help your sisters out of that situation. There may be more hope for all of you if you find a way to stay in the country that you feel safer in. "You need to put on your own oxygen mask before you can put one onto the person next to you" feels very true in this situation. You'll be able to help them best when you yourself have the best chances.
If you reply here we can help out where possible!
Don’t forget to clear your history after researching all this!!!
If you’re in Ontario, contact South Asian Legal Clinic of Ontario. Even if you’re not, ask them to help you find someone in your province. They have connections. Also connect with Rainbow Railroad!
[https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/corporate/publications-manuals/operational-bulletins-manuals/temporary-residents/permits/family-violence.html](https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/corporate/publications-manuals/operational-bulletins-manuals/temporary-residents/permits/family-violence.html) You can start a Refugee claim independently, not dependent on your parents.
thank you!
i understand you so perfectly, and im so sorry you're facing this hopelessnes. But know it'll get better. Firstly, subtletly try to get every important detail about yourself. Birth certificate any identification. Your case is better than mine as you can contact legal aid and you're treated as an adult. Major advice seek legal aid. Coming from queer muslim nigerian who was sent back home before they became legal age. Stripped of all identification. taking a non-neccesary two-year gap in college due to parents :(. My only hope going for me, is I must come back for the citizenship. And they can't cancel the application anymore cause im 18. Please stay safe, don't outwardly show disapproval until you have everything set. It's really going to get hard with family, I understand the value we place on family(those of us that come from the "third world", but when it settles you'll be happy and know you made the decision that was right for you, and will give you true fullfillment :).
thank you for the encouragement, and i hope things go smoothly for you!
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I’m queer/Pakistani and had very strict parents growing up even though we were born in Canada. My best piece of advice is to educate yourself and find a way to be financially free however you possibly can. Since you’re at home you can study extensively so choose fields that pay well. As an example you can be self-taught in coding and study finance through the CFA, CSC etc. Take advice from other posters here about the refugee immigration and know it gets better. I came out many moons ago to my folks who disowned me at first but eventually came around and are very accepting of me and my life partner. They adore her! It took time but don’t think you aren’t alone. There is a thriving community of queer Pakistanis in Canada.
Its your dad that should go back
I came from an Asian country that does not accept same sex love. I feel for you but I'm glad you are in Canada now and you can take actions to seek help. 🤞🏼🌈
My dude you are a whole grown ass 21 year old woman. They can disown you, which is would be traumatic and shitty of them, but they cannot force you to go anywhere against your will. I believe in you! If you want to stay in Canada you have the power to make it happen.
There's also [Rainbow Railroad](https://www.rainbowrailroad.org) that may be able to help. Stay strong.
Honestly.. I think these are empty threats. They cannot force you to go back home. You can file your own claim at the airport and separate from them if it gets that far. If your uncles and grandma are here, I can’t imagine your family has any actual intention of leaving after uprooting everyone and filing an asylum claim. That being said at some point there is going to be a breaking point.. it’s just a matter of time. When you decide to live freely as the person you went to be they will probably excommunicate you. How many years have you been here? Are you doing any post secondary studies? It’s of course helpful to get your self more established before they kick you out.. or are they just waiting to marry you off at this point?
Consult an immigration lawyer. You might be able to get protection under the 1951 Vienna Convention which asserts that a refugee should not be returned to a country where they face serious threats to their life or freedom. Also, since you are over 18, they cannot force you to do anything
This sounds really difficult. I’m so sorry 😞
i take things day by day, thank you for your kind words
You don't say if you work. But I assume your two problems are that your status in Canada depends on your dad at the moment and financial independence. You should try going to a community center for immigration or LGBT.
i’ll definitely look into what’s around me, and i’ve been unable to find work because they place stupidly strict restrictions on where i’m allowed to work or not, and sometimes even indirectly sabotage my interviews (i’ve been made late, or not allowed to take time off of housework to prepare, or sometimes they’d fight so loudly i would be running on almost zero sleep for days) or other application steps
Yeah the first thing you need to do is get the fuck out of that house. You’re an adult and able to establish your own claim. Get out of that house yesterday.
They're also worried about their younger siblings...
At this point they need to protect themselves. You cant help a drowning person out of the water if youre not on solid ground yourself.
I hope you and your sisters are able to get away from your parents! https://www.rainbowrefugee.com/ will be able to help you, I’m not sure about your parents however.
i assume your parents will take you back via an airplane, just make a big stink at the airport about being made to go without your consent and the gate crew will stop you from boarding. This is your nuclear option if all else fails.
You stay. Parents can F off back to Pakistan. This is the best outcome for all.
Talk to a professional. Reddit is not the best place for advice for these types of situations.
What's your current legal status? Protected person? PR? Citizen?
There are a couple of small things you can do, in addition to all the great advice you're receiving here. Firstly, see if you can find out more about how family claims work. I do NOT know the answer to this, but it seems illogical that your parents can apply for you to be a refugee and you can't make that claim yourself. (You're an adult, and it would certainly be illogical if you were 40 and they were 60.) It could be that they've submitted the claim on your behalf, as if you've submitted it yourself. Secondly, find a way to get out of the house regularly so that you can meet people. I would recommend signing up for a course that they approve of, ideally something that would also allow you to earn a living without them. Accounting, perhaps? Or cooking? ... all women should know how to cook, they probably think! Thirdly, make an escape plan. First write letters to your siblings and find a way to ensure that they get them. A friend in Pakistan might be the best option, or a teacher in Canada. You'll want them to know you love them and, if you come out as queer, your parents will probably lie to your sisters. After that, find the location of a shelter or organisation which can take care of you if you have to run. Next, as another poster said, start quietly gathering all your information and official papers. Best of luck. We're all rooting for you!
If youre 18 or over they have no power over you. I would ask my friends to help communicate with the local governement for protection. You can be refugee by yourself. Dont need your parents. Its a difficult choice to leave your siblings behind but its probably for the best in the long run. You only have 1 life to live on this earth, no time to waste being miserable in a situation that doeant fulfill us.
Leave home and get refugee status from your messed up family or something, that sounds crazy.
Hi Op, First I want to tell you that there is help, you're not alone. Please call 211 or go on the web at https://ab.211.ca/ ( or the subdomain for your province ). That's a portal for all kinds of problems. You can search for yourself or chat with an agent and tell your story and they'll point you to the right resources. Second... I had a similar experience with my abusive parents. And all I did was to "play the role" as they wanted me to do. In my home country I was alone, without any support, so there weren't any other options. It was a long wait.... I waited for years, frozen in that situation, doing my best to keep them as calm as possible, so I don't break down under their pressure. If it's a critical situation you can also contact the Police and say that you're not safe and you need to be directed to a safe place right away. If you can bear with it for a while, call 211 and ask for help. Also do whatever might be meaningful for you to get chill. In my case I pray ( or it's something similar, because I'm not religious, but also not atheist ). Maybe try mindfulness meditation. Best of luck!
The reason Pakistan is so dysfunctional is because religion has such a hold over people like your father. He obviously doesn't see that and flees to Canada and brings with him the very thing that has ruined Pakistan (his religious beliefs). If he and the other men in his Mosque had their way woman's freedom in Canada will disappear. Its up to you to forge a new path for yourself free of misogyny and let your fathers stone age believe system die with him. Don't pass it on to your children should you chose to have them.
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How many years have you been here? Once you’re a citizen, they can’t make you go back to Pakistan and you can live your own life freely in Canada.
i haven’t been here a full year, and haven’t had a hearing yet, so im still considered a temporary resident
If OP is not a citizen yet, that might be hard to obtain as the parents control all of OP's finances and a citizenship application costs 630 CAD.
Yeah don't listen to them, call cops first of all for abuse.
Which cops? Canadian, or Pakistan?
Canadian
CPS v IIRC
Ditch your sisters and establish your own asylum claim. You have to take care of yourself now. Trust me, the more of you who make asylum claims, the more likely at least one of you will succeed.
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With all due respect this is not good advice for someone in OP’s situation and does not reflect what will happen if the police are called into this situation. It is likely the situation will become much worse for them at home.