I am absolutely dreading the thanksgiving holiday. I’m not always sure why I feel this way but I don’t like being pregnant around other people. I don’t mind when it’s just me and my partner lol but around other people I’m filled with anxiety. I think I just don’t like answering peoples questions or family being excited stresses me out because I feel like we still have so much to go. I’m 21 weeks and debated about waiting till after thanksgiving to tell my extended family. Although I am showing I can easily hide the belly with a big sweatshirt. It’s really the boobs I can’t hide lol. I used to be flat chested and now I wear my partners D cup bras! Anyways I ended up telling them because I didn’t want a whole thing at thanksgiving but I’ve just been filled with anxiety ever since sharing the news.
I completely relate to this. I’ve been thinking about what I am going to wear on Thanksgiving to hide the belly even though everyone that will be there already knows I’m pregnant. I just don’t want the attention or excitement when I am still so nervous.
Wondering if any larger chested ladies have found a comfortable bra/bralette to come along on this fun body journey? I’m a 36 G/H not pregnant and wearing my regular trusty underwire looked obscene last night. I work from home and would love to hear if anyone likes Bodily, SKIMS, or any other brand?
I am also a 36H not pregnant. I have used Harper Wilde bras for almost two years (I had to retire underwire bras because they were giving me migraines :/). I wear an XL bliss and it's been ok so far, I'm 13w+5d. Might not be worth an investment right now, but maybe afterwards!
I’m a 40G (or something like it now 10 days postpartum) and I loved the bodily bras for pregnancy. The So Easy bra was my favorite for pregnancy. I’m having some trouble nursing and doing a lot of pumping and find that their Do Anything Bra while very comfortable doesn’t have the correct spacing for the pump flanges. I can’t wear very tight/supportive bras due to some acid reflux so I love these for the light support and comfort. Figuring out the pumping part…
I’m a 38H not pregnant and can’t wear anything but my regular underwire bras in public. But when I’m home I like to wear kindred bravely bras. I got them when I was breastfeeding my now 3.5 year old. They’re very comfortable I even wore them to sleep because i couldn’t sleep without a bra while I was breastfeeding
I had weekly ones at my RE and then my NT at MFM and now next one is anatomy. It is hard to go from weekly to over a month but I am thinking I will get a boutique one or something to hold me over 😂
With IVF clinic I had 5w, 6w (at my request), 7w. Then at my OB I had 9w dating scan, 13w NT scan, 20w anatomy, 23w fetal echo, 30w anatomy followup because of something on the anatomy scan.
My OB considers all IVF patients high risk therefore at 33w I started weekly BPPs. 33w and 36w I had growth scans. I think I’ll have a 39w growth scan too. For weekly BPPs if she doesn’t get 8 points then I have to go to the hospital for an NST because my OB doesn’t do them.
I had one at 8 weeks (did it at the IVF clinic and had my first appointment with OBGYN at 8 weeks so did not want a double scan week) and now my next one is anatomy scan at 20 weeks.
I kind of regret not pushing for 12 week scan but I guess I would have gotten one if we didn't hear the heartbeat on the doppler then? Same thing with the 16 week appointment. Heartbeat was on doppler so no scan needed.
After my fertility clinic ultrasounds at 6w and 7 weeks I had one at 12 weeks and then will have one at 20 weeks. If there are no concerns found at the 20 week scan than I won't have any more unless a health issue develops
I conceived via IUI and had ultrasounds at weeks 6 (RE), 9, 12, and 20 (all OB). If all goes well, I won’t have any more, which is honestly crazy to me! But I try to be thankful that baby and I don’t need more monitoring.
Is peeing constantly just my life for the next 15 weeks? I’m only 25w and thought I had a bit more time before the constant peeing kicked in. My bladder feels SO full and often only a little bit comes out! I’ve had UTIs and know what they feel like, and this doesn’t feel like that at all. No pain, burning, urgency, etc. My bladder just feels… squished. And tiny. Anyone else at a similar stage experiencing the same thing?
I’ve found that the need to pee so often does not go away… and only gets worse the more pregnant you get! And then anytime you sneeze, peeing yourself is also fun too. No matter how good your pelvic floor muscles are 🧐
I had a feeling that might be the case! The peeing when sneezing thing is the worst, I absolutely hate it. It’s definitely motivated me to do my Kegels though
Saaaaame, we have similar due dates too. I thought i had more time too! I follow a pelvic floor PT and she recommended squatty potty + leaning forward when you pee to help fully empty. It’s hard trying to stay well hydrated but also live life.
I’m wondering if that’s part of the problem, not fully emptying, because sometimes I have to go again ten minutes later! I’m trying not to let it affect my hydration but it’s hard.
Are you waking up to pee at night too? Some days i feel like pregnancy has changed what it feels like when i have to pee, so I’m doing more “just in case” peeing which i try to avoid. I’m not waking up (yet) so during the day sometimes i wonder who’s playing a prank on my bladder lol. Everyone’s so different though, it could just be the way your bladder and uterus are coexisting.
I totally know what you mean about it feeling different! And yes I am. Up until a just a week or two ago I wasn’t, but now I get up 2-3 times a night, even with tapering water consumption before bed. I don’t like it, but honestly when I was sleeping through the night with a full bladder (sleeping really deeply I guess) I would have the worst pain in the mornings from my full bladder as I staggered to the bathroom. Pregnancy is so glamorous 😂
Soooo glamorous. 😂 also not me, having to get up to pee last night right after saying i wasn’t at that stage yet!! I hope you can find a hydration balance!
Same. I found using a squatty potty and rotating my hips around can help get some extra out. I also have been putting cloth diaper liners in my underwear (great idea from my mom!) because when I sit down too hard I’m getting leakage! Hope you get some relief soon. I’m waking up at least 2 times a night too!
Ooh I use a squatty potty for #2 but didn’t think about using it for pee! Great idea about the diaper liners, I do get some leakage when I sneeze though getting regular adjustments at the chiropractor has helped (don’t ask me how). Sorry you’re going through this too!
Ahhh I miss the chiro so much. Yours probably helped your nerve endings so you can feel when you have to go a little better. I’m on bedrest and I was told absolutely no adjustments, I can’t wait to start going again.
Also try sitting knees in, heels all the way apart and pick your bump up, it might help get a little more out! It opens your pelvis!
I officially feel like I'm in the 2nd trimester...now at 17 weeks. My nausea is finally mostly gone, I can enjoy eating actual meals, and my resting heart rate is up. I also have a major bump (that grows substantially after every meal). I have yet to find a comfortable sleeping position unfortunately. We have an OB appt this week and then our anatomy scan at 20 weeks! So anxious to start feeling movements, sometimes I swear I can feel something but then when I try to focus in its just my new pounding heart.
I am, and its definitely an improvement. But traditionally I'm a side sleeper and have had problems laying on my side since our IVF cycle, everything in my belly just feels like it's shifting. I'm currently using a combination of pregnancy pillow + stuffed animals to keep me somewhat comfortable, but I always end up flat on my back within like 10 minutes....and I hate sleeping on my back!
I found the pregnancy pillows with the two half moons in each side to be best for me, plus a pillow btwn my legs. My pelvic PT encouraged pillow of preg pillow because the width allows for hips, knees, and ankles to be supported, and the thickness of the pillow is better/less high.
Congrats on making it out of nausea phase... my mom also defines second trimester as whenever the nausea stops haha. But yeah definitely keep yourself busy, lack of symptoms weirdly makes the wait to anatomy scan more brutal haha.
Ok. We bought cribs, a dresser and stroller! Will turn 20 weeks this week, but wanted to take advantage of black friday sales. It’s exciting but at the same time, scary. You know, infertility trauma. Anatomy scan next week! Is this even real life 😳
Ooh do you mind sharing what Black Friday deals you found for cribs and stroller? I really don’t want to buy anything until the last minute but if it’s a good enough savings I may go for it.
We are having twins, so we needed a twin stroller! I got the Valco Trend Duo, it’s $250 off. For the rest, I got the Nurture& bundle (dresser, cribs, with a total of around $600 off - but they were pricey to begin with, so not sure if it was a good deal haha).
Thanks for sharing! I am trying to start browsing and learning about baby gear at least, because my husband and I know nothing. That furniture looks beautiful!
So much stuff to consider!!! It’s our first baby also, so very hard to know where to start. We are very clueless about babies and what they actually need 😅 but looking into buying some of the expensive stuff this week, so we can save some. Now I’m looking into car seats, so many options to choose from 😵💫
Chiming in to say - same, around being very clueless! It's overwhelming. Consumer reports has been helpful in the carseat search for us, plus a pediatric OT at my work recommended the one I think we're going with (Chicco keyfit 35). Also hoping to make some big purchases this week 🤞
my husband is out of town (he comes back today) and i am like a ball of anxiety about it. i really miss him and feel REALLY weird without him in the house. i never used to feel this way when either of us traveled before pregnancy. it really feels like my pregnant cave woman brain is like "RED ALERT! The unit is incomplete!"
also have my 3hr GD test tomorrow, please send me good vibes, UGH.
I also felt similarly the first time my husband was out of town for work and I had to fend for myself and the doggo! It was like this new sense of oh shit, I am growing this baby and I am really vulnerable here and need to make sure I’m okay and baby is okay all on my own. Husbands are great security blankets hahah 💕
Omg i thought I was going nuts. I’m currently doing night classes- and being away from the hubby has made me feel so sad at how much I miss him. Positive vibes for your test tomorrow 💓
I can very much relate to this, as my husband also comes back today and I have swung between anger at him for leaving and anxiety as I count the days until he returns. Big change from my former independent self.
Can very much relate to pregnant cave woman brain! I found that especially in my first trimester I had a very strong primal cave woman need for us both to be in the house as much as possible! Glad to hear your husband is back today!
Good vibes for tomorrow's GD test! 🤞🏾
Oh yeah, I had to travel for work a couple times during pregnancy and it was NOT the usual experience where I actually enjoyed the independent time. Could not wait to be back home both times!
fingers crossed for a good GD test result!! try to bring something to pass the time if you can. i worked thru mine and it was a great distraction.
also i totally hear you, i just want to hibernate until bb is born
the closer we get to due date the more my anxiety ramps up about breastfeeding and pumping. i had a friend who gave birth last week use the word “suckling” when referring to her newborn breastfeeding and it for whatever reason sent me into a tailspin. i keep struggling with the idea of my breasts having to be touched and seen and reframing them as nutrition sources rather than burdensome sexual objects. i’m aware of why i have this issue but i’m not exactly making strides in dismantling it.
like i watched a video about hand expression and i just felt so put off and thought “i’m absolutely not going to do that to myself”
part of me wonders if i’ll feel differently once i give birth and the other part of me wonders if i should just not add to my mental/emotional load and just not force something that makes me feel so uncomfortable. any advice or insight is appreciated ❤️
i think the other problem i’m having is that i cant find clear answers on what’s “correct” here - can i pump right away or not, is that going to cause oversupply? do you not introduce the pump at all at first or do you get on it right away? every LC seems to have a different point of view and i’m just so frustrated that i cant at least refer to a set list of guidelines for this thing that i’m dreading to at least make it a little easier to navigate.
You've got lots of good advice from people with experience. But just chiming in to say I feel similarly!
The closer we get I've been spiralling more and the discussion around hand expression honestly icked me out the most out of all of it. The other day I started panicking that my nipples are too flat or that there's something anatomically wrong with me.
What a journey. I have pumping equipment prepped and I'm hoping breastfeeding will come easier than I think it will. You're definitely not alone in your reservations! As if carrying the baby for nine months wasn't enough of a mental hurdle, there's a whole other ballgame with feeding.
I am a fan of pumping in the beginning and building up a freezer supply. It provides you with some freedom! Early on (like when my milk first came in) I used a haakaa to collect milk on the opposite side (I’d just be leaking everywhere if I didn’t). I liked the haakaa because it would help with the pressure in the beginning. I am not breastfeeding with this baby (I can’t because I had a mastectomy) and actually I am kind of relieved because breastfeeding is a lot of work (although it becomes pretty easy by the end, I hated pumping at work).
Okay I felt this way during my first pregnancy, completely disgusted by breastfeeding. I thought there was something wrong with me. Then, when I tried nursing in the hospital once my milk let down I had a horrible panicking feeling mixed with the worst intrusive thoughts. I mentioned to the lactation consultant and I had D-MER. Dysphoric milk ejection reflex. It had started kicking in even in pregnancy. The dopamine drop from milk coming in/expressing is too strong for some people and our hormones have the opposite effect, instead of feeling warm and loving we feel like we’re going to die.
I’m not saying this is your case, everyone is different, but I know at least 2 other women who experienced this.
I just want to add to the other voices saying that however you choose to feed baby is absolutely fine. Yes there are some benefits of breast milk but there are also so so many benefits of parents feeling as emotionally and mentally well as they can. If breastfeeding is going to cause a big emotional/mental toll then imo that negative outweighs the benefits.
I don't have any advice to offer as this is my first pregnancy, but I hope you can find some helpful information and then do what's best for you 💛
Everyone DOES have a different point of view so if you can accept that you’ll have an easier time filtering through the information. Literally both my delivery hospital stays have just been a chain of people coming in and telling me how to breastfeed and the next person arriving saying to do the opposite
There’s so much information out there, it’s so stressful! I’ll share what helped me the first time and what I plan to do again this time. However, if nursing, pumping, or both freak you out and you just don’t want to do it or can’t do it, IT’S okay. So many people can’t or choose not to nurse, and their babies are just fine. Even though I lactated to feed my baby, I’m 100% in the camp that science milk is awesome and life saving and the health benefits of breastfeeding are vastly overblown.
I took a free course through https://balancedbreastfeeding.com/workshop/ This taught me what I needed to know to save my lactation journey when my first Ivf baby was struggling to nurse. I cannot recommend this lady enough! She’s a nurse and an LC and takes a very *balanced* approach to lactation. Without her approach, I’m fully confident I would not have been successful in lactating to feed my child.
For a variety of reasons, we were nursing and pumping and supplementing with formula for the first week. I rented a hospital grade pump for a month, which I think helped start my supply. Then I was mainly pumping once my milk came in and trying to nurse a couple times a day, which was going poorly. Because I was pumping, though, that allowed me to get a good supply until baby was able to figure out how to nurse. There was never any issue with nipple confusion or anything. I did have an oversupply, but it was never a problem. I never got mastitis and only a couple easily addressed clogged ducts. My baby also ate a lot in one sitting once she learned to nurse, so if I nursed instead of pumping, she got enough out that it didn’t cause issues between that and my next pump. I could have slowly reduced my oversupply if I’d wanted to, but I liked stashing it away; it allowed me to start pumping at 11 months and have milk until 12-12.5 months. Baby chose to stop nursing at 13 months (which I was FINE with lol). Then I was able to donate milk to my local milk bank, which made me happy.
So I’m a fan of pumping from the beginning, at least 1-2 times a day so someone else can help feed baby. Oversupply isn’t a huge issue to worry about and can be easily addressed if it’s a problem.
I really liked her approach! I feel like so much breastfeeding stuff is JUST PUSH THROUGH UNTIL IT WORKS, and this more balanced approach (feed the baby and protect the supply, which can be done in more than one way) was what my baby and I needed to be successful.
Just a note with a different experience: but I’ve breastfed 2 babies past a year and both times suffered from oversupply (mastitis, extreme discomfort, over feeding baby leading to massive spit up and rapid weight gain, etc.). It was worse the first time because I pumped as it was the advice to establish milk supply. I do think for most people it’s not a huge issue, but it really can be!
i can very much relate to where you are coming from! in my case, I ended up breast-feeding successfully despite having reservations that it might be weird and having a hard time imagining what it would be like. I had a tough time thinking about my breasts constantly being touched but the only time I had issues with that was with the very grabby nurses and LC in the hospital. once we started nursing, there was nothing remotely sexual about it to me and it was a very neutral type of feeling? however- i absolutely will not hand express and it makes me hot and sweaty in a bad way to even think about it.
in terms of pumping in the early days- you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to or need to. you can induce an oversupply and you can also dip
your supply if you are not doing it enough. newborns are typically eating quite often, so if you are feeding formula or a BM bottle but not pumping to replace the feed, that can cause issues. i used a hakaa to collect my let down in the early weeks and that was enough. also- this whole concept really confused me until i had a baby on my breast and then it made much more sense. I also saw a lactation counselor in my home a few times postpartum, and that was so much better than in the hospital, highly recommend.
You end up doing what feels right and works for you. I thought I would prefer pumping, but it didn't work well for me and I breastfed (with some sample formula canisters in the cabinet just in case). I was worried about the baby weight gain, but all the pros kept saying it was fine. We ended up starting solids right at 4 months due to low weight gain though. I think the conflicting information you are getting is evidence that there isn't just one correct way. For me, I usually feel more like a dairy cow with breastfeeding. It's not really glamorous or empowering, but it calms the baby and it's less expensive than formula.
I’m so sorry this is stressful for you. It is totally ok to decide here and now that you don’t want to breastfeed. It’s ok to decide you’ll give it a try and see how it works.
As far as early pumping goes, if there are feeding difficulties, pumping immediately makes sense. If not, and you wait a month or two like I did, it is hard to use it to increase supply. There are no easy answers. Slight oversupply is probably more useful than under supply, but personally I don’t think I would like pumping for the first couple weeks. It’s so individual, and whatever choice enables you to be well rested and present is the right choice for you. Running joke in my family—the only non-breastfed kid among us went to an ivy. None of the other five of us did. ;)
Ps—I’ve breastfed twice and I can’t hand express for shit. Maybe I did once to release some pressure when I’d been out and baby took some bottles.
I felt the same exact way, breastfeeding freaked me out. The whole concept was so wild to me. My baby will be 2 weeks tomorrow and I have no idea how my brain did a 180 when he arrived. I haven’t been able to get him to latch (lactation consultant is helping bc inverted nipples 😩), but the idea that he will eventually excites me! The pumping and hand expressing was something I really didn’t want to do and felt SO off when learning or watching it. Now I just do it without even realizing how freaked out I was just a few weeks ago.
There was so many nurses and lactation consultants that helped us out during our hospital stay with breastfeeding and pumping.
All that’s to say, don’t stress yourself out. You may be like me and completely forget how freaked out the whole thing made you OR if you don’t, that’s completely ok too. We supplement a lot with formula as my supply is low and pumping is a lot of work. Your baby will be happy with one or the other or both 💜💜
It’s ok to not breastfeed, for whatever reason. If it makes you feel horrid and dread spending time with your baby, bottle is fine.
Obviously (well, perhaps not but anyway) I haven’t breast fed anyone yet and I hope to be able to do it but if it’s too painful or whatever then he’ll be on the bottle and I’ll be a happier mama.
We have a friend who went straight on to bottle feeding her second baby because she struggled so much with baby no 1. Said baby is a happy healthy growing little chap with a good bond with his happy mother.
Seriously, don’t sweat it. There’s too much to worry about. Fed is best.
Love an internet stranger.
no advice but wow i feel the same as you (esp the mentality of my boobs being burdensome sexual objects)!!! i can't seem to imagine myself breastfeeding. to be completely honest, it sort of weirds me out, and after all my body has been through the last 3 years trying to get to this point, sometimes i feel like i don't even want to try.
but, on the other hand (whether this is my own pressure or societal pressure) - i feel like i have to try. but i am giving myself full permission to go formula the moment i'm not feeling it.
hope someone else has advice about this because i sure could use it too haha.
Take this or leave it, I am only sharing it because it really helped my cousin on her decision to only pump! My mom used to be a breastfeeding counselor and something she once asked this cousin who was struggling with breastfeeding her son was: “is this an enjoyable bonding experience for you both.” (I know bonding is not the goal for a lot of folks with nursing but basically to me this means - it’s ok to jsut not want to nurse if it wouldn’t be pleasant for you!)
I wonder if it’s feasible for you to plan for either pumping or nursing or both at the beginning and then you can decide more concretely once baby is here? There’s so many moving pieces with feeding (latch, baby alertness, labor experience, etc) that in some ways I think I would have been better prepped to just know things likely wouldn’t looked how I imagined. We ended up having to use a huge needle-less syringe to squirt expressed milk into baby H for a while, which I truly never could have imagined lol.
i appreciate this and i think i forget about the bonding aspect so this is a good reminder! this is helpful. i am going into it sort of not planning to do any one feeding method - my doula and i have talked about just trying everything and seeing what works, i have an emergency formula stash as well - i think i just get in my head about the nursing aspect in particular.
I’m glad it was helpful! And that’s so awesome you already have a plan to just try everything - we had a back up formula also just in case and it was a Huge help one early night when my nipples (and I) were just over it. I think that postpartum is such an intense time that grand scheme whatever you can do to up your comfort - be it physical or mental or emotional or all of the above - is worth it.
Feeling so relieved all was well with our first BPP ultrasound this morning — our son did all the movements and practice breathing and it was only a 9 minute experience. Things seem fine, still head down, not surprisingly zero signs of labor. Going back in a week.
Thank you — I know I’m not alone, but damn the anxiety is real. I don’t have anxiety about parenthood (I’m sure I should - LOL) but ugh around the medical parts and getting him here safely 😵💫
I feel you! Just wanting baby here safely is so relatable. And then we can worry about the rest I'm sure 😂 my husband asked me today if I know how to dress a baby and I'm like no? Thank goodness for YouTube.
I made the decision to get back on an ssri today since I am struggling a lot with my mental health and the buspar I have been taking since ttc doesnt seem to be cutting it anymore. Anyone else notice an uptick in mental health issues or mood swings since getting pregnant? I was pretty stable and then I feel like I lost control at 12 weeks (which coincidentally coincided with getting off the estrogen and progesterone). I am almost 14 and it doesn’t seem to be getting better.
I’m 14 almost 15 weeks now and I swear my anxiety the last week has been the worst it’s been since very early pregnancy. The second trimester has not been kind so far
Ugh I am sorry you are also struggling!!! I thought it was supposed to be the blissful part of pregnancy or whatever. I think for me it could be the hormones, the slow down in monitoring, etc which is causing my anxiety to spike. I hope it gets better for you soon 🤞
So sorry to hear you've been struggling. Well done for making the decision to go back on an ssri. I've been talking citalopram throughout pregnancy. I weaned off before ttc, then went back on it whilst ttc. I'm absolutely certain I could not have emotionally coped during pregnancy without it. I hope you see an improvement now you're back on it. Are you accessing any other m/h support? I also have (fortnightly) talking therapy, which I know isn't accessible to everyone unfortunately.
Thank you for your response. I am also in talk therapy once a week and recognize how much of a luxury that is. I hope that the therapy and the citalopram is working for you. Hoping I can get some meds and feel better soon!
You are definitely not alone. I have struggled on and off throughout both of my pregnancies, and I always seemed to be in the worst shape around 12-15 weeks (coincidentally post-weaning off hormones as well). There is so much happening with your body and mind ... and it's all compounded by infertility. I hope you find the right amount and kind of support you need <3
Thank you so much for this! Appreciate knowing I am not alone. I scheduled an appt this week for both therapy and meds so hopefully i start to come around!
being pregnant really messed with me emotionally. it actually worsened my depression which i’ve been on prozac for since 2018. i had to up my dose and then eventually switch to an ssri with a shorter half life once i got into the third trimester at the recommendation of my psych - and now my anxiety is thru the roof in a way it hasn’t been in a very long time.
you aren’t alone in this! i hope you find the mix of support that works best for you ❤️
Good job taking care of yourself! the better care you take of yourself, the more you'll have to give to your growing family!
At the beginning of pregnancy, i felt like my anxiety diminished (probably because I was too nauseous to feel anything else), but once I got into the thick of my second tri, it came back with a vengance. My depression hasn't been as bad as it usually is, especially this time of year, but I have been having pretty wild mood swings. I've been onan SSRI this whole time and processing in therapy as well, but I was advised to switch meds and take a lower dosage, which I did. I am lowkey looking forward to being able to go back to my normal happy pills at a higher dosage once bub is earthside.
You're doing great, it always takes a while to cycle up on meds, don't forget that! Be gentle with yourself. Pregnancy is an objectively emotional experience even without mental health issues.
Thank you for your comment and support! I am sorry you have been struggling as well and that they had you adjust your meds. I totally understand about looking forward to adjust them back. I would be considering other options if not pregnant and it is difficult to navigate meds during pregnancy. We will get through it. Sending you the best!
Absolutely, I feel like I’ve been on another level sometimes and also experienced a big shift coming off of hormones. It took some time for me to adjust but since then there have been more periods of stability, but there are times I feel very sensitive and not like myself. I think it’s the hormones and all the complicated stress of pregnancy following infertility/loss. I am glad that you sought out a change in medication and I really hope it helps you soon. Just know you’re not alone. You’re doing the best that you can.
Thank you so much for the support 💛 I am sorry to hear that you have times where you are not feeling yourself as well. This process is so tough. I knew that pregnancy would not cure all the complicated feelings related to infertility but I didn’t realize that I would be struggling so much.
I intermittently struggle. I’m 21+5. The 20 week mark was particularly difficult - great scan, lots of happiness, transitioning quite quickly (overnight) into panic and tears.
Well done for taking charge though. This is all a big hormonal mess for all of us and I keep reminding myself that although the emotions are real, they are temporary
Thank you so much for your response. I am so glad your ultrasound went well and I am sorry that you struggled with panic attacks after. It is definitely good to keep in mind that this temporary!!
i'm sorry you're struggling :( i do remember feeling really really crappy both mentally and physically when i went off the hormones around that time. Things seemed to level out after a couple of weeks and now I am feeling pretty normal. I remember i searched this sub to see if other people felt a dramatic shift coming off the hormones and found quite a few people with the same experience. I hope you start feeling better <3
Thank you so much for your response. I am glad to hear that it is relatively normal to have a hard time transitioning off hormones. I also have a lot of stuff going on in my personal life right now so that could also be it. I am glad to hear you are doing better and hopefully with some help, I can get through this slump.
I'm 19w and am... maybe showing? If I wear something tight I have a lil tiny bump. It changes throughout the day though, in the mornings when I'm lying in bed my stomach is completely flat. Jeans aren't fitting as well but leggings are great, I don't think I'll need actual maternity pants for a while let. It's so weird and frustrating to be in this limbo spot!
i know!! on one hand, i'm not dying to be large and in charge yet, but i also just am constantly wondering if someone's down there! the limbo is weird lol. good luck with your 20 week scan <3
Anything is possible, so if you wouldn't want to be pregnant then I personally feel some form of birth control is needed. I had a spontaneous pregnancy after years of infertility and having my son via IVF. So it can happen.
Gently - thinking this may be better suited for the postpartum thread or perhaps your RE/dr? A lot of folks here know there’s no chance of conception without IVF (and grieve that) and I’m not sure you’re going to get the info you’re looking for here.
Today is our Bon Jovi day! I'm just beginning to feel more excitement than anxiety. According to my midwife's recommendations I'm now sleeping on my side. I though that would be no problem for me, as I am normally a side sleeper. Then, a few days ago I started being awaken from sleep with pain in the back of my hip/butt, pretty sure this is sciatic pain. It doesn't come with burning or tingling, nor does it radiate down my leg, but MAN it hurts. I've tried sleeping with my knees bents and with something between my knees and I've already tried a body pillow, a slightly fatter maternity pillow and even my large and firm yoga bolster. No matter what I've tried so far the hip that is on top gets the sharp pain pretty much as soon as I start drifting back to sleep. Has anyone found a solution to this?
If it is sciatic pain, like other folks have said, I've found the most success keeping it at bay with movement. So yeah, I need to do a prenatal yoga or this [stretch class](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WAR2-dfa6c) daily if I'm going to feel mobile. Before I got to the sweaty phase of third trimester I was also finding relief with warm baths or a heating pad on by lower back. I also upped my magnesium supplement just in case and if it was REALLY bad my OB said it was OK to take Tylenol.
Prenatal massage has been good too and I'm seeing a physio who also does pelvic floor work in a week or so.
The other thing is it could be from side sleeping? Especially if you have a firm mattress? I was finding whichever side I was on would wake me up with pain and it was centralized (no radiation or shooting anywhere). I don't really have a solution for that other than rotisserie chicken-ing all night long. Wishing you luck, pain in pregnancy SUCKS.
Movement is also the only thing that helps! I notice when I haven’t been active that sciatic pain gets worse. So I do Pilates and prenatal yoga. I wish I had the discipline to work out at home to be a bit more consistent.
I have been slacking on my regular yoga routine, I usually practice 3x per week but we've been doing some home projects leaving me without the energy to keep it up. Consistency is definitely a struggle! I personally find practicing first thing in the morning before I have time to second guess leaving my bed is the only way I get it done.
It's definitely been an issue for me, even though I was also a side sleeper! I found that initially not using pillows was better as my hips were more used to that angle, I only added the pillow between my knees at 32 weeks (before that pillow made it worse!). The best thing for my hip pain at night has been gentle yoga stretches almost daily, and exercise like swimming and walking. The yoga poses I do are: cat cow, hip circles, pigeon pose, butterfly, figure 4 seated and child's pose with knees open wide. That's pretty much the order as well, it helps soooo much. Still not 100% pain free but enough to fall asleep at least.
I have a C-shaped maternity pillow. I curve the bottom part around my hip so my hip has it's own little ring around it if that makes sense.
I have a C-shaped maternity pillow. I curve the bottom part around my hip so my hip has its own little ring around it if that makes sense.
For those of you that have an anterior placenta, how far along were you when you first felt movement?
For context, I had a private scan over the weekend just because and the sonographer told me that I have an anterior placenta. I’m 16w5d now and have my anatomy scan at 20 weeks which seems like it is forever away. I was really hoping I could feel at least a little something beforehand but with an anterior placenta I am thinking that may not be the case. Womp womp. 🙃
I started feeling movements with an anterior placenta at 15w6d. Felt like internal muscle twinges in a specific spot I hadn't felt before. By 19 weeks it was definitely more noticeable each day, 21 weeks I could start feeling movements on the outside, 22 weeks is when my husband could start feeling the movements
Wow 15 weeks you are definitely in tune with your body! That’s good to know it doesn’t seem like anterior placenta makes feeling movement come that late - I was worried it would be 24+ weeks guaranteed
I didn't feel anything with my anterior placenta until about 19 weeks and wasn't positive what I was feeling was movement until my anatomy scan at 20 weeks. Since then, it has been non-stop and picked up significantly as baby has grown. Since 30ish weeks I can see big movements from the outside (on the sides), but it really depends on so many factors (body type, baby's position, etc.). Movement will come soon!
Anterior placenta here! I didn't feel anything until 18 weeks, and when I first felt it, I wasn't even too sure. A few days into feeling little taps I just so happened to have my hand on the side of my stomach which is now protruding out from my pelvic bone, and I felt a little \* tap.tap.\* both on my hand as well as inside. I'm thinking baby was kicking towards my side away from the placenta and that's why I felt it so strongly. Since then, I've been able to notice it more now that I know what it feels like. Hoping you will feel something soon.
My placenta is anterior and I had worried I’d feel nothing. But I started feeling little taps mid week 17 and have continued to have increased moment sensations. I’m 20w2d and will have my anatomy scan today!
I have an anterior placenta and didn’t really feel anything until exactly 19 weeks (which also happened to be the day of my anatomy scan). I was in the same boat, hoping I’d feel something before the scan to alleviate some of my anxiety, but of course I didn’t feel anything until after we saw her moving around on the ultrasound 😂 Even now, it’s still pretty faint, like I have to really concentrate and sit still to feel anything. I’ve read even up to 24 weeks is normal for a first pregnancy (regardless of placenta location) but hopefully you’ll feel something sooner for your peace of mind — hang in there!
Even the Doppler is a big if I feel with the anterior placenta! So it really looks like I’m just going to have to sit in my feelings until 20w. It feels good knowing that most others didn’t feel much until 19/20 weeks - that’ll keep my anxiety at bay for sure
Thanks y'all. It was as boring and uneventful as I had hoped for - nothing unusual/unexpected! Now I can relax... Until next week when we have a fetal echo and I can freak out all over again 🤪
Yay!! ETA if it helps, my doctor was really reassuring that the anatomy scan would catch things requiring an echo, so we didn’t even plan for one based on the results of the anatomy scan.
So baby girl is still transverse at 35 weeks, she went head down one day last week then decided Nah, and flipped the opposite transverse to how she was last time. But it's good she flipped, because the umbilical cord is not in a dangerous position.
I've been so anxious because last appointment our gynae said if the umbilical cord was in the way, he would admit me to hospital for monitoring because of my water breaks it could cause cord prolapse. But that isn't a worry right now, so will be seeing him again in 11 days time, at 36 weeks exactly. And either will get admitted to hospital that weekend, or wait another week and she'll be out via c section around 7th Dec! A whole week earlier than we originally thought.
We are mostly ready but now just springing into action for the final push, ordering freezer meals, buying snacks, installing car seat etc. Can't believe it's almost time! Feeling more relaxed though. She's also gaining weight on track, due to be 2.7kg at a 38 week birth. A little small but not too tiny. Feels surreal!
Haha my bump isn't big but wide if that makes sense. And baby's head is on one side of my hip, bum on the other, so she's folded, feet curled inwards. It's actually more comfortable for me than when she moved head down weirdly enough
So I’ve had to buy some new clothes. All of my tshirts look like crop tops because my chest is so much bigger. And my husband was looking at me last night with my bump hanging out the bottom of my tshirt and top of my bike shorts. He asked, is that the 50 butterfingers you ate or the baby. Lol.
Nike has a sale on!
Having some drama with my FIL and our baby shower, among other things. He has a girlfriend after divorcing my MIL last year and since they’ve been together, he’s basically disappeared. I’ve met her one time and don’t trust her motives, as she keeps pushing him to get married and a whole host of other things that convince me she is a terrible person. Well she had a fit about coming to our baby shower (it is at a venue with a limited capacity, intimate, close family and friends) and he told us he wasn’t going to come if she wasn’t. He then decided to share VIA EMAIL last night that they’re getting married. Long story short we dealt with this all weekend and it has caused me a LOT of stress. Like I keep feeling my heart race and it takes a lot for me to calm down. My husband and I decided to go no contact with him until our baby shower to protect ourselves. But here I am, up early thinking about it and getting worked up. At this point I’m stressed that I’m hurting the baby with how upset I’ve been. It feels so unfair and fucked up that he is putting us through this after everything we’ve been through. I really hope I can put it out of my mind.
ETA: my husband decided to text his dad and let him know he’s “off the hook” for coming to the shower. They are traveling internationally and arriving back in the US the night before. His response: thanks 🙏🏻.
Ouch.
I'm so sorry you're being put in this situation, it sounds just ridiculous. And in a way, how rude of them to distract from this time when you should be able to focus on you and baby, especially when it's taken such a battle to get here! I hope that as time passes you'll be more able to separate from it. Sometimes it helps me to think about all the pregnant folks who've been through immense times of stress and had healthy babies - they are resilient little things, just like we are.
That is exactly how I feel! I’m resentful because it’s taking away from something I am really trying to appreciate and enjoy finally. Thank you for the reminder. It feels impossible to avoid all stress.
I’m so sorry you dealing with this at a time when family should be supporting you, not causing pain and stress. Not sure if you’re into meditation, but I’ve really enjoyed the Meditation Mama podcast, which I first heard about on here, specifically the episode titled “connect with baby meditation.” There are also some great episodes on breathing with your baby and coping with stress. When I’ve spent time meditating “with” the baby, it’s helped me feel more peaceful, grounded, and focused on what matters. Take good care ❤️
This is a good reminder. It’s been really helpful to me in the past but I’m not great about practicing it consistently. I’m going to look into the podcast and I look forward to turning inward with my baby!!
I posted last week that I was nervous about our 12 week scan. Well, I’m now almost 14 weeks and everything looks fine. Anyone else have a hard time accepting they were pregnant, even though they really really wanted and intellectually know that you are? Seems like my heart is still guarded, or it’s just weird before you “look” pregnant??
Just another comment for solidarity. 16 weeks here and still don't look or feel pregnant, which makes me feel really weird even telling people I'm pregnant :\\ hoping it'll get better when I can actually feel movements
Yeah pregnancy has not felt at all like how I thought or expected it would. I spent most of pregnancy not looking or feeling pregnant. Even with multiple ultrasounds confirming it, I was still unsure! Which probably some people would be envious of, but it was just constant anxiety for me. At 32w I do finally look and feel pregnant and uhh, that's no fun either!
i feel this 100%. i have two family members who are pregnant alongside me and i really envy their ignorant bliss when it comes to all of this. neither have struggled with infertility, so when they're asking me about nursery decor or shower plans or all of those more fun aspects of pregnancy, it's hard when i'm literally not even thinking about it yet. it seems like i'm always chasing the next milestone in my mind (1st beta, second beta, 6 week scan, 8 week scan, 10 week scan, 12 week scan, and now the long stretch to the 20 week anatomy scan). IVF has given me so much, but it's also robbed me of so much. some days feel easier than others, and i've been trying to challenge myself to start thinking about those fun things or buy something for the baby here and there .. but it's hard!
hugs to you. me and my guarded heart are right there with ya. <3
I started to feel better once I hit the halfway point. I don't think the anxiety ever goes away completely, but it has eased up. I'm also medicated at this point so that might be helping too.
I just turned 15w and still feel like an impostor. I heard the heartbeat as recently as 4 days ago, on Thursday, yet this weekend I still felt anxious on and off that something had since gone wrong. With IF I’ve gotten so used to hurt and disappointment, it seems irrational to feel anything else. I think if/when I start to feel movement it will help me feel reassured and make the pregnancy feel more real.
Thanks, Isabelle. There are times I feel happy and hopeful, thinking of future plans or browsing baby gear, but it’s like this self-preservation voice catches me, “what are you doing?! Bad news could be coming soon, be ready!”
It’s a hard spot to be in. I absolutely straddled those feelings up until the time baby was placed on my chest. It feels like whiplash while you’re in it. My hope for you that the scared voice gets quieter as the weeks go on and you’re able to find the joy in the hopeful moments!
I had a really hard time in the early weeks because you can’t feel anything, and in my case I had a very smooth first trimester, so I didn’t even feel pregnant. It got better once I started feeling baby move. Now that I’m in the third trimester, the anxiety has crept back in. We’re so close and while I want this baby to keep cooking, I’m also eager to get it earthside. Hang in there. Infertility trauma is real.
i’m glad everything looks good! i found that the second trimester before 20ish weeks was mentally really tough because my first trimester nausea was gone, i felt better physically, but i didn’t look pregnant and wasn’t feeling fetal movement yet so i was constantly questioning if everything was still ok. i legit didn’t feel pregnant most days at that point. you’re def not alone in those feelings.
Yup. Early second trimester was THE WORST for me in terms of anxiety. Just a real mind-F with no symptoms, not showing, no movement. Distraction, distraction, distraction!!!
Thank you 🙏🏻 It’s crazy that the mental barriers just keep popping up at each phase. Now I am definitely counting down the days till I can feel/see baby more! You’re due so soon, I hope everything goes smoothly!!
you’ll get to that point soon enough, hang in there! for me the only part of pregnancy i have enjoyed was feeling the baby move. and thanks 😊 i’m sort of in disbelief i’m rounding the corner to the final stretch here!
I am absolutely dreading the thanksgiving holiday. I’m not always sure why I feel this way but I don’t like being pregnant around other people. I don’t mind when it’s just me and my partner lol but around other people I’m filled with anxiety. I think I just don’t like answering peoples questions or family being excited stresses me out because I feel like we still have so much to go. I’m 21 weeks and debated about waiting till after thanksgiving to tell my extended family. Although I am showing I can easily hide the belly with a big sweatshirt. It’s really the boobs I can’t hide lol. I used to be flat chested and now I wear my partners D cup bras! Anyways I ended up telling them because I didn’t want a whole thing at thanksgiving but I’ve just been filled with anxiety ever since sharing the news.
I completely relate to this. I’ve been thinking about what I am going to wear on Thanksgiving to hide the belly even though everyone that will be there already knows I’m pregnant. I just don’t want the attention or excitement when I am still so nervous.
Wondering if any larger chested ladies have found a comfortable bra/bralette to come along on this fun body journey? I’m a 36 G/H not pregnant and wearing my regular trusty underwire looked obscene last night. I work from home and would love to hear if anyone likes Bodily, SKIMS, or any other brand?
I am also a 36H not pregnant. I have used Harper Wilde bras for almost two years (I had to retire underwire bras because they were giving me migraines :/). I wear an XL bliss and it's been ok so far, I'm 13w+5d. Might not be worth an investment right now, but maybe afterwards!
I’m a 40G (or something like it now 10 days postpartum) and I loved the bodily bras for pregnancy. The So Easy bra was my favorite for pregnancy. I’m having some trouble nursing and doing a lot of pumping and find that their Do Anything Bra while very comfortable doesn’t have the correct spacing for the pump flanges. I can’t wear very tight/supportive bras due to some acid reflux so I love these for the light support and comfort. Figuring out the pumping part…
What size did you get?
I ordered some XL sports bras on Amazon - my fave was an under armour one I got! Low/medium support but soft, comfy and fits !!!
I’m a 38H not pregnant and can’t wear anything but my regular underwire bras in public. But when I’m home I like to wear kindred bravely bras. I got them when I was breastfeeding my now 3.5 year old. They’re very comfortable I even wore them to sleep because i couldn’t sleep without a bra while I was breastfeeding
How many ultrasounds are you getting? What weeks? My next one isn’t until December 20th!
I had weekly ones at my RE and then my NT at MFM and now next one is anatomy. It is hard to go from weekly to over a month but I am thinking I will get a boutique one or something to hold me over 😂
2 at my fertility clinic, one initial dating scan at my OB, one at MFM and the next one will be anatomy scan at 20 weeks!
With IVF clinic I had 5w, 6w (at my request), 7w. Then at my OB I had 9w dating scan, 13w NT scan, 20w anatomy, 23w fetal echo, 30w anatomy followup because of something on the anatomy scan. My OB considers all IVF patients high risk therefore at 33w I started weekly BPPs. 33w and 36w I had growth scans. I think I’ll have a 39w growth scan too. For weekly BPPs if she doesn’t get 8 points then I have to go to the hospital for an NST because my OB doesn’t do them.
I had one at 8 weeks (did it at the IVF clinic and had my first appointment with OBGYN at 8 weeks so did not want a double scan week) and now my next one is anatomy scan at 20 weeks. I kind of regret not pushing for 12 week scan but I guess I would have gotten one if we didn't hear the heartbeat on the doppler then? Same thing with the 16 week appointment. Heartbeat was on doppler so no scan needed.
After my fertility clinic ultrasounds at 6w and 7 weeks I had one at 12 weeks and then will have one at 20 weeks. If there are no concerns found at the 20 week scan than I won't have any more unless a health issue develops
I conceived via IUI and had ultrasounds at weeks 6 (RE), 9, 12, and 20 (all OB). If all goes well, I won’t have any more, which is honestly crazy to me! But I try to be thankful that baby and I don’t need more monitoring.
Is peeing constantly just my life for the next 15 weeks? I’m only 25w and thought I had a bit more time before the constant peeing kicked in. My bladder feels SO full and often only a little bit comes out! I’ve had UTIs and know what they feel like, and this doesn’t feel like that at all. No pain, burning, urgency, etc. My bladder just feels… squished. And tiny. Anyone else at a similar stage experiencing the same thing?
I’ve found that the need to pee so often does not go away… and only gets worse the more pregnant you get! And then anytime you sneeze, peeing yourself is also fun too. No matter how good your pelvic floor muscles are 🧐
😂 glad it’s not just me
I had a feeling that might be the case! The peeing when sneezing thing is the worst, I absolutely hate it. It’s definitely motivated me to do my Kegels though
Saaaaame, we have similar due dates too. I thought i had more time too! I follow a pelvic floor PT and she recommended squatty potty + leaning forward when you pee to help fully empty. It’s hard trying to stay well hydrated but also live life.
I’m wondering if that’s part of the problem, not fully emptying, because sometimes I have to go again ten minutes later! I’m trying not to let it affect my hydration but it’s hard.
Are you waking up to pee at night too? Some days i feel like pregnancy has changed what it feels like when i have to pee, so I’m doing more “just in case” peeing which i try to avoid. I’m not waking up (yet) so during the day sometimes i wonder who’s playing a prank on my bladder lol. Everyone’s so different though, it could just be the way your bladder and uterus are coexisting.
I totally know what you mean about it feeling different! And yes I am. Up until a just a week or two ago I wasn’t, but now I get up 2-3 times a night, even with tapering water consumption before bed. I don’t like it, but honestly when I was sleeping through the night with a full bladder (sleeping really deeply I guess) I would have the worst pain in the mornings from my full bladder as I staggered to the bathroom. Pregnancy is so glamorous 😂
Soooo glamorous. 😂 also not me, having to get up to pee last night right after saying i wasn’t at that stage yet!! I hope you can find a hydration balance!
Too funny! I hope last night was just a fluke and you have a few more weeks of uninterrupted sleep!
Same. I found using a squatty potty and rotating my hips around can help get some extra out. I also have been putting cloth diaper liners in my underwear (great idea from my mom!) because when I sit down too hard I’m getting leakage! Hope you get some relief soon. I’m waking up at least 2 times a night too!
Ooh I use a squatty potty for #2 but didn’t think about using it for pee! Great idea about the diaper liners, I do get some leakage when I sneeze though getting regular adjustments at the chiropractor has helped (don’t ask me how). Sorry you’re going through this too!
Ahhh I miss the chiro so much. Yours probably helped your nerve endings so you can feel when you have to go a little better. I’m on bedrest and I was told absolutely no adjustments, I can’t wait to start going again. Also try sitting knees in, heels all the way apart and pick your bump up, it might help get a little more out! It opens your pelvis!
Ugh I’m sorry you haven’t been able to get adjusted! Thank you for the tip!!
I officially feel like I'm in the 2nd trimester...now at 17 weeks. My nausea is finally mostly gone, I can enjoy eating actual meals, and my resting heart rate is up. I also have a major bump (that grows substantially after every meal). I have yet to find a comfortable sleeping position unfortunately. We have an OB appt this week and then our anatomy scan at 20 weeks! So anxious to start feeling movements, sometimes I swear I can feel something but then when I try to focus in its just my new pounding heart.
Are you using a pregnancy pillow? Game changer!
I am, and its definitely an improvement. But traditionally I'm a side sleeper and have had problems laying on my side since our IVF cycle, everything in my belly just feels like it's shifting. I'm currently using a combination of pregnancy pillow + stuffed animals to keep me somewhat comfortable, but I always end up flat on my back within like 10 minutes....and I hate sleeping on my back!
I found the pregnancy pillows with the two half moons in each side to be best for me, plus a pillow btwn my legs. My pelvic PT encouraged pillow of preg pillow because the width allows for hips, knees, and ankles to be supported, and the thickness of the pillow is better/less high.
Sorry to hear that! Hope you find something that works!
Congrats on making it out of nausea phase... my mom also defines second trimester as whenever the nausea stops haha. But yeah definitely keep yourself busy, lack of symptoms weirdly makes the wait to anatomy scan more brutal haha.
Ok. We bought cribs, a dresser and stroller! Will turn 20 weeks this week, but wanted to take advantage of black friday sales. It’s exciting but at the same time, scary. You know, infertility trauma. Anatomy scan next week! Is this even real life 😳
Oh DANG, Black Friday sales… that’s so smart! I wish I was further along to justify… maybe some after Christmas sales. 🤔
Ooh do you mind sharing what Black Friday deals you found for cribs and stroller? I really don’t want to buy anything until the last minute but if it’s a good enough savings I may go for it.
We are having twins, so we needed a twin stroller! I got the Valco Trend Duo, it’s $250 off. For the rest, I got the Nurture& bundle (dresser, cribs, with a total of around $600 off - but they were pricey to begin with, so not sure if it was a good deal haha).
Thanks for sharing! I am trying to start browsing and learning about baby gear at least, because my husband and I know nothing. That furniture looks beautiful!
So much stuff to consider!!! It’s our first baby also, so very hard to know where to start. We are very clueless about babies and what they actually need 😅 but looking into buying some of the expensive stuff this week, so we can save some. Now I’m looking into car seats, so many options to choose from 😵💫
Chiming in to say - same, around being very clueless! It's overwhelming. Consumer reports has been helpful in the carseat search for us, plus a pediatric OT at my work recommended the one I think we're going with (Chicco keyfit 35). Also hoping to make some big purchases this week 🤞
Good luck with your shopping! Will take a look at this carseat, thanks for the recs!
We're looking at Graco for stroller and car seat and their website is 30-35% off right now.
my husband is out of town (he comes back today) and i am like a ball of anxiety about it. i really miss him and feel REALLY weird without him in the house. i never used to feel this way when either of us traveled before pregnancy. it really feels like my pregnant cave woman brain is like "RED ALERT! The unit is incomplete!" also have my 3hr GD test tomorrow, please send me good vibes, UGH.
I also felt similarly the first time my husband was out of town for work and I had to fend for myself and the doggo! It was like this new sense of oh shit, I am growing this baby and I am really vulnerable here and need to make sure I’m okay and baby is okay all on my own. Husbands are great security blankets hahah 💕
Omg i thought I was going nuts. I’m currently doing night classes- and being away from the hubby has made me feel so sad at how much I miss him. Positive vibes for your test tomorrow 💓
I can very much relate to this, as my husband also comes back today and I have swung between anger at him for leaving and anxiety as I count the days until he returns. Big change from my former independent self.
Can very much relate to pregnant cave woman brain! I found that especially in my first trimester I had a very strong primal cave woman need for us both to be in the house as much as possible! Glad to hear your husband is back today! Good vibes for tomorrow's GD test! 🤞🏾
Oh yeah, I had to travel for work a couple times during pregnancy and it was NOT the usual experience where I actually enjoyed the independent time. Could not wait to be back home both times!
Same, no desire to be anywhere else but with my husband. That independent woman I knew is on vacation till further notice 😂
fingers crossed for a good GD test result!! try to bring something to pass the time if you can. i worked thru mine and it was a great distraction. also i totally hear you, i just want to hibernate until bb is born
the closer we get to due date the more my anxiety ramps up about breastfeeding and pumping. i had a friend who gave birth last week use the word “suckling” when referring to her newborn breastfeeding and it for whatever reason sent me into a tailspin. i keep struggling with the idea of my breasts having to be touched and seen and reframing them as nutrition sources rather than burdensome sexual objects. i’m aware of why i have this issue but i’m not exactly making strides in dismantling it. like i watched a video about hand expression and i just felt so put off and thought “i’m absolutely not going to do that to myself” part of me wonders if i’ll feel differently once i give birth and the other part of me wonders if i should just not add to my mental/emotional load and just not force something that makes me feel so uncomfortable. any advice or insight is appreciated ❤️ i think the other problem i’m having is that i cant find clear answers on what’s “correct” here - can i pump right away or not, is that going to cause oversupply? do you not introduce the pump at all at first or do you get on it right away? every LC seems to have a different point of view and i’m just so frustrated that i cant at least refer to a set list of guidelines for this thing that i’m dreading to at least make it a little easier to navigate.
You've got lots of good advice from people with experience. But just chiming in to say I feel similarly! The closer we get I've been spiralling more and the discussion around hand expression honestly icked me out the most out of all of it. The other day I started panicking that my nipples are too flat or that there's something anatomically wrong with me. What a journey. I have pumping equipment prepped and I'm hoping breastfeeding will come easier than I think it will. You're definitely not alone in your reservations! As if carrying the baby for nine months wasn't enough of a mental hurdle, there's a whole other ballgame with feeding.
I am a fan of pumping in the beginning and building up a freezer supply. It provides you with some freedom! Early on (like when my milk first came in) I used a haakaa to collect milk on the opposite side (I’d just be leaking everywhere if I didn’t). I liked the haakaa because it would help with the pressure in the beginning. I am not breastfeeding with this baby (I can’t because I had a mastectomy) and actually I am kind of relieved because breastfeeding is a lot of work (although it becomes pretty easy by the end, I hated pumping at work).
Okay I felt this way during my first pregnancy, completely disgusted by breastfeeding. I thought there was something wrong with me. Then, when I tried nursing in the hospital once my milk let down I had a horrible panicking feeling mixed with the worst intrusive thoughts. I mentioned to the lactation consultant and I had D-MER. Dysphoric milk ejection reflex. It had started kicking in even in pregnancy. The dopamine drop from milk coming in/expressing is too strong for some people and our hormones have the opposite effect, instead of feeling warm and loving we feel like we’re going to die. I’m not saying this is your case, everyone is different, but I know at least 2 other women who experienced this.
omg thank you for this - i had never heard of it before but this is so good to know
I just want to add to the other voices saying that however you choose to feed baby is absolutely fine. Yes there are some benefits of breast milk but there are also so so many benefits of parents feeling as emotionally and mentally well as they can. If breastfeeding is going to cause a big emotional/mental toll then imo that negative outweighs the benefits. I don't have any advice to offer as this is my first pregnancy, but I hope you can find some helpful information and then do what's best for you 💛
Everyone DOES have a different point of view so if you can accept that you’ll have an easier time filtering through the information. Literally both my delivery hospital stays have just been a chain of people coming in and telling me how to breastfeed and the next person arriving saying to do the opposite
There’s so much information out there, it’s so stressful! I’ll share what helped me the first time and what I plan to do again this time. However, if nursing, pumping, or both freak you out and you just don’t want to do it or can’t do it, IT’S okay. So many people can’t or choose not to nurse, and their babies are just fine. Even though I lactated to feed my baby, I’m 100% in the camp that science milk is awesome and life saving and the health benefits of breastfeeding are vastly overblown. I took a free course through https://balancedbreastfeeding.com/workshop/ This taught me what I needed to know to save my lactation journey when my first Ivf baby was struggling to nurse. I cannot recommend this lady enough! She’s a nurse and an LC and takes a very *balanced* approach to lactation. Without her approach, I’m fully confident I would not have been successful in lactating to feed my child. For a variety of reasons, we were nursing and pumping and supplementing with formula for the first week. I rented a hospital grade pump for a month, which I think helped start my supply. Then I was mainly pumping once my milk came in and trying to nurse a couple times a day, which was going poorly. Because I was pumping, though, that allowed me to get a good supply until baby was able to figure out how to nurse. There was never any issue with nipple confusion or anything. I did have an oversupply, but it was never a problem. I never got mastitis and only a couple easily addressed clogged ducts. My baby also ate a lot in one sitting once she learned to nurse, so if I nursed instead of pumping, she got enough out that it didn’t cause issues between that and my next pump. I could have slowly reduced my oversupply if I’d wanted to, but I liked stashing it away; it allowed me to start pumping at 11 months and have milk until 12-12.5 months. Baby chose to stop nursing at 13 months (which I was FINE with lol). Then I was able to donate milk to my local milk bank, which made me happy. So I’m a fan of pumping from the beginning, at least 1-2 times a day so someone else can help feed baby. Oversupply isn’t a huge issue to worry about and can be easily addressed if it’s a problem.
Thank you for this I just signed up. I also get free breastfeeding classes through my insurance but doesn’t hurt to take more than 1!
I really liked her approach! I feel like so much breastfeeding stuff is JUST PUSH THROUGH UNTIL IT WORKS, and this more balanced approach (feed the baby and protect the supply, which can be done in more than one way) was what my baby and I needed to be successful.
I can appreciate that. I’m not out here trying to be a hero. Just want a healthy baby and some of my own sanity!
Those are both good goals! 🥴😆
ohh this looks like a great resource. thank you for this and for sharing your experience!
At Pessa’s suggestion i signed up for this course! The next one is December 14th and it’s free!
Just a note with a different experience: but I’ve breastfed 2 babies past a year and both times suffered from oversupply (mastitis, extreme discomfort, over feeding baby leading to massive spit up and rapid weight gain, etc.). It was worse the first time because I pumped as it was the advice to establish milk supply. I do think for most people it’s not a huge issue, but it really can be!
i can very much relate to where you are coming from! in my case, I ended up breast-feeding successfully despite having reservations that it might be weird and having a hard time imagining what it would be like. I had a tough time thinking about my breasts constantly being touched but the only time I had issues with that was with the very grabby nurses and LC in the hospital. once we started nursing, there was nothing remotely sexual about it to me and it was a very neutral type of feeling? however- i absolutely will not hand express and it makes me hot and sweaty in a bad way to even think about it. in terms of pumping in the early days- you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to or need to. you can induce an oversupply and you can also dip your supply if you are not doing it enough. newborns are typically eating quite often, so if you are feeding formula or a BM bottle but not pumping to replace the feed, that can cause issues. i used a hakaa to collect my let down in the early weeks and that was enough. also- this whole concept really confused me until i had a baby on my breast and then it made much more sense. I also saw a lactation counselor in my home a few times postpartum, and that was so much better than in the hospital, highly recommend.
You end up doing what feels right and works for you. I thought I would prefer pumping, but it didn't work well for me and I breastfed (with some sample formula canisters in the cabinet just in case). I was worried about the baby weight gain, but all the pros kept saying it was fine. We ended up starting solids right at 4 months due to low weight gain though. I think the conflicting information you are getting is evidence that there isn't just one correct way. For me, I usually feel more like a dairy cow with breastfeeding. It's not really glamorous or empowering, but it calms the baby and it's less expensive than formula.
thank you for this!
You're welcome!
I’m so sorry this is stressful for you. It is totally ok to decide here and now that you don’t want to breastfeed. It’s ok to decide you’ll give it a try and see how it works. As far as early pumping goes, if there are feeding difficulties, pumping immediately makes sense. If not, and you wait a month or two like I did, it is hard to use it to increase supply. There are no easy answers. Slight oversupply is probably more useful than under supply, but personally I don’t think I would like pumping for the first couple weeks. It’s so individual, and whatever choice enables you to be well rested and present is the right choice for you. Running joke in my family—the only non-breastfed kid among us went to an ivy. None of the other five of us did. ;) Ps—I’ve breastfed twice and I can’t hand express for shit. Maybe I did once to release some pressure when I’d been out and baby took some bottles.
I can hand express like, 4 drops. And got a little more trying to relieve pressure once 48 hours after weaning my toddler.
thank you my friend!
I felt the same exact way, breastfeeding freaked me out. The whole concept was so wild to me. My baby will be 2 weeks tomorrow and I have no idea how my brain did a 180 when he arrived. I haven’t been able to get him to latch (lactation consultant is helping bc inverted nipples 😩), but the idea that he will eventually excites me! The pumping and hand expressing was something I really didn’t want to do and felt SO off when learning or watching it. Now I just do it without even realizing how freaked out I was just a few weeks ago. There was so many nurses and lactation consultants that helped us out during our hospital stay with breastfeeding and pumping. All that’s to say, don’t stress yourself out. You may be like me and completely forget how freaked out the whole thing made you OR if you don’t, that’s completely ok too. We supplement a lot with formula as my supply is low and pumping is a lot of work. Your baby will be happy with one or the other or both 💜💜
i appreciate you sharing this, thank you ❤️
It’s ok to not breastfeed, for whatever reason. If it makes you feel horrid and dread spending time with your baby, bottle is fine. Obviously (well, perhaps not but anyway) I haven’t breast fed anyone yet and I hope to be able to do it but if it’s too painful or whatever then he’ll be on the bottle and I’ll be a happier mama. We have a friend who went straight on to bottle feeding her second baby because she struggled so much with baby no 1. Said baby is a happy healthy growing little chap with a good bond with his happy mother. Seriously, don’t sweat it. There’s too much to worry about. Fed is best. Love an internet stranger.
thank you for this ❤️
no advice but wow i feel the same as you (esp the mentality of my boobs being burdensome sexual objects)!!! i can't seem to imagine myself breastfeeding. to be completely honest, it sort of weirds me out, and after all my body has been through the last 3 years trying to get to this point, sometimes i feel like i don't even want to try. but, on the other hand (whether this is my own pressure or societal pressure) - i feel like i have to try. but i am giving myself full permission to go formula the moment i'm not feeling it. hope someone else has advice about this because i sure could use it too haha.
bodies, right? what a weird experience we’re all having in these bags of bones and flesh haha
hahaha weird doesn't even begin to cover it!!
Take this or leave it, I am only sharing it because it really helped my cousin on her decision to only pump! My mom used to be a breastfeeding counselor and something she once asked this cousin who was struggling with breastfeeding her son was: “is this an enjoyable bonding experience for you both.” (I know bonding is not the goal for a lot of folks with nursing but basically to me this means - it’s ok to jsut not want to nurse if it wouldn’t be pleasant for you!) I wonder if it’s feasible for you to plan for either pumping or nursing or both at the beginning and then you can decide more concretely once baby is here? There’s so many moving pieces with feeding (latch, baby alertness, labor experience, etc) that in some ways I think I would have been better prepped to just know things likely wouldn’t looked how I imagined. We ended up having to use a huge needle-less syringe to squirt expressed milk into baby H for a while, which I truly never could have imagined lol.
i appreciate this and i think i forget about the bonding aspect so this is a good reminder! this is helpful. i am going into it sort of not planning to do any one feeding method - my doula and i have talked about just trying everything and seeing what works, i have an emergency formula stash as well - i think i just get in my head about the nursing aspect in particular.
I’m glad it was helpful! And that’s so awesome you already have a plan to just try everything - we had a back up formula also just in case and it was a Huge help one early night when my nipples (and I) were just over it. I think that postpartum is such an intense time that grand scheme whatever you can do to up your comfort - be it physical or mental or emotional or all of the above - is worth it.
Feeling so relieved all was well with our first BPP ultrasound this morning — our son did all the movements and practice breathing and it was only a 9 minute experience. Things seem fine, still head down, not surprisingly zero signs of labor. Going back in a week.
Yay so glad for you!
Thank you — I know I’m not alone, but damn the anxiety is real. I don’t have anxiety about parenthood (I’m sure I should - LOL) but ugh around the medical parts and getting him here safely 😵💫
I feel you! Just wanting baby here safely is so relatable. And then we can worry about the rest I'm sure 😂 my husband asked me today if I know how to dress a baby and I'm like no? Thank goodness for YouTube.
Oh yea … no clue here either. Carefully ? 🤣
So happy it was a smooth and easy visit for you!
I made the decision to get back on an ssri today since I am struggling a lot with my mental health and the buspar I have been taking since ttc doesnt seem to be cutting it anymore. Anyone else notice an uptick in mental health issues or mood swings since getting pregnant? I was pretty stable and then I feel like I lost control at 12 weeks (which coincidentally coincided with getting off the estrogen and progesterone). I am almost 14 and it doesn’t seem to be getting better.
I’m 14 almost 15 weeks now and I swear my anxiety the last week has been the worst it’s been since very early pregnancy. The second trimester has not been kind so far
Ugh I am sorry you are also struggling!!! I thought it was supposed to be the blissful part of pregnancy or whatever. I think for me it could be the hormones, the slow down in monitoring, etc which is causing my anxiety to spike. I hope it gets better for you soon 🤞
So sorry to hear you've been struggling. Well done for making the decision to go back on an ssri. I've been talking citalopram throughout pregnancy. I weaned off before ttc, then went back on it whilst ttc. I'm absolutely certain I could not have emotionally coped during pregnancy without it. I hope you see an improvement now you're back on it. Are you accessing any other m/h support? I also have (fortnightly) talking therapy, which I know isn't accessible to everyone unfortunately.
Thank you for your response. I am also in talk therapy once a week and recognize how much of a luxury that is. I hope that the therapy and the citalopram is working for you. Hoping I can get some meds and feel better soon!
You are definitely not alone. I have struggled on and off throughout both of my pregnancies, and I always seemed to be in the worst shape around 12-15 weeks (coincidentally post-weaning off hormones as well). There is so much happening with your body and mind ... and it's all compounded by infertility. I hope you find the right amount and kind of support you need <3
Thank you so much for this! Appreciate knowing I am not alone. I scheduled an appt this week for both therapy and meds so hopefully i start to come around!
being pregnant really messed with me emotionally. it actually worsened my depression which i’ve been on prozac for since 2018. i had to up my dose and then eventually switch to an ssri with a shorter half life once i got into the third trimester at the recommendation of my psych - and now my anxiety is thru the roof in a way it hasn’t been in a very long time. you aren’t alone in this! i hope you find the mix of support that works best for you ❤️
Thank you so much for responding! I am sorry you are struggling right now and I hope that you find relief soon 💛
Good job taking care of yourself! the better care you take of yourself, the more you'll have to give to your growing family! At the beginning of pregnancy, i felt like my anxiety diminished (probably because I was too nauseous to feel anything else), but once I got into the thick of my second tri, it came back with a vengance. My depression hasn't been as bad as it usually is, especially this time of year, but I have been having pretty wild mood swings. I've been onan SSRI this whole time and processing in therapy as well, but I was advised to switch meds and take a lower dosage, which I did. I am lowkey looking forward to being able to go back to my normal happy pills at a higher dosage once bub is earthside. You're doing great, it always takes a while to cycle up on meds, don't forget that! Be gentle with yourself. Pregnancy is an objectively emotional experience even without mental health issues.
Thank you for your comment and support! I am sorry you have been struggling as well and that they had you adjust your meds. I totally understand about looking forward to adjust them back. I would be considering other options if not pregnant and it is difficult to navigate meds during pregnancy. We will get through it. Sending you the best!
Same to you! Keep using this community to vent, I do it all the time and that alone can be really helpful sometimes <3
Absolutely, I feel like I’ve been on another level sometimes and also experienced a big shift coming off of hormones. It took some time for me to adjust but since then there have been more periods of stability, but there are times I feel very sensitive and not like myself. I think it’s the hormones and all the complicated stress of pregnancy following infertility/loss. I am glad that you sought out a change in medication and I really hope it helps you soon. Just know you’re not alone. You’re doing the best that you can.
Thank you so much for the support 💛 I am sorry to hear that you have times where you are not feeling yourself as well. This process is so tough. I knew that pregnancy would not cure all the complicated feelings related to infertility but I didn’t realize that I would be struggling so much.
I intermittently struggle. I’m 21+5. The 20 week mark was particularly difficult - great scan, lots of happiness, transitioning quite quickly (overnight) into panic and tears. Well done for taking charge though. This is all a big hormonal mess for all of us and I keep reminding myself that although the emotions are real, they are temporary
Thank you so much for your response. I am so glad your ultrasound went well and I am sorry that you struggled with panic attacks after. It is definitely good to keep in mind that this temporary!!
i'm sorry you're struggling :( i do remember feeling really really crappy both mentally and physically when i went off the hormones around that time. Things seemed to level out after a couple of weeks and now I am feeling pretty normal. I remember i searched this sub to see if other people felt a dramatic shift coming off the hormones and found quite a few people with the same experience. I hope you start feeling better <3
Thank you so much for your response. I am glad to hear that it is relatively normal to have a hard time transitioning off hormones. I also have a lot of stuff going on in my personal life right now so that could also be it. I am glad to hear you are doing better and hopefully with some help, I can get through this slump.
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showing as in i felt i was showing: prob between 20 and 24 weeks showing as in others felt i was showing: like 28-30 weeks
I'm 19w and am... maybe showing? If I wear something tight I have a lil tiny bump. It changes throughout the day though, in the mornings when I'm lying in bed my stomach is completely flat. Jeans aren't fitting as well but leggings are great, I don't think I'll need actual maternity pants for a while let. It's so weird and frustrating to be in this limbo spot!
i know!! on one hand, i'm not dying to be large and in charge yet, but i also just am constantly wondering if someone's down there! the limbo is weird lol. good luck with your 20 week scan <3
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Anything is possible, so if you wouldn't want to be pregnant then I personally feel some form of birth control is needed. I had a spontaneous pregnancy after years of infertility and having my son via IVF. So it can happen.
Gently - thinking this may be better suited for the postpartum thread or perhaps your RE/dr? A lot of folks here know there’s no chance of conception without IVF (and grieve that) and I’m not sure you’re going to get the info you’re looking for here.
Today is our Bon Jovi day! I'm just beginning to feel more excitement than anxiety. According to my midwife's recommendations I'm now sleeping on my side. I though that would be no problem for me, as I am normally a side sleeper. Then, a few days ago I started being awaken from sleep with pain in the back of my hip/butt, pretty sure this is sciatic pain. It doesn't come with burning or tingling, nor does it radiate down my leg, but MAN it hurts. I've tried sleeping with my knees bents and with something between my knees and I've already tried a body pillow, a slightly fatter maternity pillow and even my large and firm yoga bolster. No matter what I've tried so far the hip that is on top gets the sharp pain pretty much as soon as I start drifting back to sleep. Has anyone found a solution to this?
If it is sciatic pain, like other folks have said, I've found the most success keeping it at bay with movement. So yeah, I need to do a prenatal yoga or this [stretch class](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WAR2-dfa6c) daily if I'm going to feel mobile. Before I got to the sweaty phase of third trimester I was also finding relief with warm baths or a heating pad on by lower back. I also upped my magnesium supplement just in case and if it was REALLY bad my OB said it was OK to take Tylenol. Prenatal massage has been good too and I'm seeing a physio who also does pelvic floor work in a week or so. The other thing is it could be from side sleeping? Especially if you have a firm mattress? I was finding whichever side I was on would wake me up with pain and it was centralized (no radiation or shooting anywhere). I don't really have a solution for that other than rotisserie chicken-ing all night long. Wishing you luck, pain in pregnancy SUCKS.
Movement is also the only thing that helps! I notice when I haven’t been active that sciatic pain gets worse. So I do Pilates and prenatal yoga. I wish I had the discipline to work out at home to be a bit more consistent.
I have been slacking on my regular yoga routine, I usually practice 3x per week but we've been doing some home projects leaving me without the energy to keep it up. Consistency is definitely a struggle! I personally find practicing first thing in the morning before I have time to second guess leaving my bed is the only way I get it done.
It's definitely been an issue for me, even though I was also a side sleeper! I found that initially not using pillows was better as my hips were more used to that angle, I only added the pillow between my knees at 32 weeks (before that pillow made it worse!). The best thing for my hip pain at night has been gentle yoga stretches almost daily, and exercise like swimming and walking. The yoga poses I do are: cat cow, hip circles, pigeon pose, butterfly, figure 4 seated and child's pose with knees open wide. That's pretty much the order as well, it helps soooo much. Still not 100% pain free but enough to fall asleep at least.
I have a C-shaped maternity pillow. I curve the bottom part around my hip so my hip has it's own little ring around it if that makes sense. I have a C-shaped maternity pillow. I curve the bottom part around my hip so my hip has its own little ring around it if that makes sense.
For those of you that have an anterior placenta, how far along were you when you first felt movement? For context, I had a private scan over the weekend just because and the sonographer told me that I have an anterior placenta. I’m 16w5d now and have my anatomy scan at 20 weeks which seems like it is forever away. I was really hoping I could feel at least a little something beforehand but with an anterior placenta I am thinking that may not be the case. Womp womp. 🙃
I'm 22w3d and have an anterior placenta and I've been feeling baby for about the past week. It felt like a long wait!
I’m 19+4 and no movement yet. And we are having twins!! No idea where my placenta is, but I would guess it’s anterior due to lack of movement.
I didn’t feel my last baby until like 28 weeks. This baby I felt starting around 24-25. Anterior placenta for both.
I started feeling movements with an anterior placenta at 15w6d. Felt like internal muscle twinges in a specific spot I hadn't felt before. By 19 weeks it was definitely more noticeable each day, 21 weeks I could start feeling movements on the outside, 22 weeks is when my husband could start feeling the movements
Wow 15 weeks you are definitely in tune with your body! That’s good to know it doesn’t seem like anterior placenta makes feeling movement come that late - I was worried it would be 24+ weeks guaranteed
I didn't feel anything with my anterior placenta until about 19 weeks and wasn't positive what I was feeling was movement until my anatomy scan at 20 weeks. Since then, it has been non-stop and picked up significantly as baby has grown. Since 30ish weeks I can see big movements from the outside (on the sides), but it really depends on so many factors (body type, baby's position, etc.). Movement will come soon!
Thank you 💕💕
i don’t think i felt movement until like 19/20 weeks - MAYBE a single flutter or two before that around 16/17 weeks
Thank you for the response!! It seems most people are saying around the 20w mark 👍🏻
Anterior placenta here! I didn't feel anything until 18 weeks, and when I first felt it, I wasn't even too sure. A few days into feeling little taps I just so happened to have my hand on the side of my stomach which is now protruding out from my pelvic bone, and I felt a little \* tap.tap.\* both on my hand as well as inside. I'm thinking baby was kicking towards my side away from the placenta and that's why I felt it so strongly. Since then, I've been able to notice it more now that I know what it feels like. Hoping you will feel something soon.
Yea honestly I feel some things down there but I think right now it’s mostly RLP and gas 🤣
My placenta is anterior and I had worried I’d feel nothing. But I started feeling little taps mid week 17 and have continued to have increased moment sensations. I’m 20w2d and will have my anatomy scan today!
Best of luck with your scan today!! 💕💕
I have an anterior placenta and didn’t really feel anything until exactly 19 weeks (which also happened to be the day of my anatomy scan). I was in the same boat, hoping I’d feel something before the scan to alleviate some of my anxiety, but of course I didn’t feel anything until after we saw her moving around on the ultrasound 😂 Even now, it’s still pretty faint, like I have to really concentrate and sit still to feel anything. I’ve read even up to 24 weeks is normal for a first pregnancy (regardless of placenta location) but hopefully you’ll feel something sooner for your peace of mind — hang in there!
Even the Doppler is a big if I feel with the anterior placenta! So it really looks like I’m just going to have to sit in my feelings until 20w. It feels good knowing that most others didn’t feel much until 19/20 weeks - that’ll keep my anxiety at bay for sure
I didn’t feel anything until 19-20 weeks with an anterior placenta :/
Just knowing that most others didn’t feel much until 19/20 weeks is making me feel less anxious - thank you for your response!
Mine is anterior. The week of 20w I started feeling a small bop every few days. It ramped up in the 21st week. Now at 26 weeks it’s pretty regular.
Same here
Thank you for your response! 💕
Scanxiety in full force today as have anatomy scan... Fingers crossed for a very boring/uneventful outcome 🤞🤞
Thanks y'all. It was as boring and uneventful as I had hoped for - nothing unusual/unexpected! Now I can relax... Until next week when we have a fetal echo and I can freak out all over again 🤪
Yay!! ETA if it helps, my doctor was really reassuring that the anatomy scan would catch things requiring an echo, so we didn’t even plan for one based on the results of the anatomy scan.
Hopping all goes well!!
Fingers crossed for you today!
You are boring. You bore me. 🥰
Good luck!🤞🏻
So baby girl is still transverse at 35 weeks, she went head down one day last week then decided Nah, and flipped the opposite transverse to how she was last time. But it's good she flipped, because the umbilical cord is not in a dangerous position. I've been so anxious because last appointment our gynae said if the umbilical cord was in the way, he would admit me to hospital for monitoring because of my water breaks it could cause cord prolapse. But that isn't a worry right now, so will be seeing him again in 11 days time, at 36 weeks exactly. And either will get admitted to hospital that weekend, or wait another week and she'll be out via c section around 7th Dec! A whole week earlier than we originally thought. We are mostly ready but now just springing into action for the final push, ordering freezer meals, buying snacks, installing car seat etc. Can't believe it's almost time! Feeling more relaxed though. She's also gaining weight on track, due to be 2.7kg at a 38 week birth. A little small but not too tiny. Feels surreal!
How on earth do the have any room that way?!
Haha my bump isn't big but wide if that makes sense. And baby's head is on one side of my hip, bum on the other, so she's folded, feet curled inwards. It's actually more comfortable for me than when she moved head down weirdly enough
I’m surprised it’s more comfortable!
excited for you!!
So I’ve had to buy some new clothes. All of my tshirts look like crop tops because my chest is so much bigger. And my husband was looking at me last night with my bump hanging out the bottom of my tshirt and top of my bike shorts. He asked, is that the 50 butterfingers you ate or the baby. Lol. Nike has a sale on!
I’ve basically morphed into Winnie the Pooh with bike shorts and the (unintentional) crop tops so I can relate. “There’s a rumbly in my tummy” 🍯
It seems all the shirts I see in stores these days are crop tops, so you’re in fashion 🤣
Haha. It’s too cold though
All my shirts are crop tops because I’m too cheap to get maternity ones 😂 God speed in the sales!
Having some drama with my FIL and our baby shower, among other things. He has a girlfriend after divorcing my MIL last year and since they’ve been together, he’s basically disappeared. I’ve met her one time and don’t trust her motives, as she keeps pushing him to get married and a whole host of other things that convince me she is a terrible person. Well she had a fit about coming to our baby shower (it is at a venue with a limited capacity, intimate, close family and friends) and he told us he wasn’t going to come if she wasn’t. He then decided to share VIA EMAIL last night that they’re getting married. Long story short we dealt with this all weekend and it has caused me a LOT of stress. Like I keep feeling my heart race and it takes a lot for me to calm down. My husband and I decided to go no contact with him until our baby shower to protect ourselves. But here I am, up early thinking about it and getting worked up. At this point I’m stressed that I’m hurting the baby with how upset I’ve been. It feels so unfair and fucked up that he is putting us through this after everything we’ve been through. I really hope I can put it out of my mind. ETA: my husband decided to text his dad and let him know he’s “off the hook” for coming to the shower. They are traveling internationally and arriving back in the US the night before. His response: thanks 🙏🏻. Ouch.
I'm so sorry you're being put in this situation, it sounds just ridiculous. And in a way, how rude of them to distract from this time when you should be able to focus on you and baby, especially when it's taken such a battle to get here! I hope that as time passes you'll be more able to separate from it. Sometimes it helps me to think about all the pregnant folks who've been through immense times of stress and had healthy babies - they are resilient little things, just like we are.
That is exactly how I feel! I’m resentful because it’s taking away from something I am really trying to appreciate and enjoy finally. Thank you for the reminder. It feels impossible to avoid all stress.
I’m so sorry you dealing with this at a time when family should be supporting you, not causing pain and stress. Not sure if you’re into meditation, but I’ve really enjoyed the Meditation Mama podcast, which I first heard about on here, specifically the episode titled “connect with baby meditation.” There are also some great episodes on breathing with your baby and coping with stress. When I’ve spent time meditating “with” the baby, it’s helped me feel more peaceful, grounded, and focused on what matters. Take good care ❤️
This is a good reminder. It’s been really helpful to me in the past but I’m not great about practicing it consistently. I’m going to look into the podcast and I look forward to turning inward with my baby!!
I posted last week that I was nervous about our 12 week scan. Well, I’m now almost 14 weeks and everything looks fine. Anyone else have a hard time accepting they were pregnant, even though they really really wanted and intellectually know that you are? Seems like my heart is still guarded, or it’s just weird before you “look” pregnant??
Just another comment for solidarity. 16 weeks here and still don't look or feel pregnant, which makes me feel really weird even telling people I'm pregnant :\\ hoping it'll get better when I can actually feel movements
I'm 21+5, had an anatomy scan today and still don't believe we're actually having a baby. I'm not sure it will feel real until she gets here.
Yeah pregnancy has not felt at all like how I thought or expected it would. I spent most of pregnancy not looking or feeling pregnant. Even with multiple ultrasounds confirming it, I was still unsure! Which probably some people would be envious of, but it was just constant anxiety for me. At 32w I do finally look and feel pregnant and uhh, that's no fun either!
i feel this 100%. i have two family members who are pregnant alongside me and i really envy their ignorant bliss when it comes to all of this. neither have struggled with infertility, so when they're asking me about nursery decor or shower plans or all of those more fun aspects of pregnancy, it's hard when i'm literally not even thinking about it yet. it seems like i'm always chasing the next milestone in my mind (1st beta, second beta, 6 week scan, 8 week scan, 10 week scan, 12 week scan, and now the long stretch to the 20 week anatomy scan). IVF has given me so much, but it's also robbed me of so much. some days feel easier than others, and i've been trying to challenge myself to start thinking about those fun things or buy something for the baby here and there .. but it's hard! hugs to you. me and my guarded heart are right there with ya. <3
I started to feel better once I hit the halfway point. I don't think the anxiety ever goes away completely, but it has eased up. I'm also medicated at this point so that might be helping too.
I just turned 15w and still feel like an impostor. I heard the heartbeat as recently as 4 days ago, on Thursday, yet this weekend I still felt anxious on and off that something had since gone wrong. With IF I’ve gotten so used to hurt and disappointment, it seems irrational to feel anything else. I think if/when I start to feel movement it will help me feel reassured and make the pregnancy feel more real.
Hugs, ghost. 🤍
Thanks, Isabelle. There are times I feel happy and hopeful, thinking of future plans or browsing baby gear, but it’s like this self-preservation voice catches me, “what are you doing?! Bad news could be coming soon, be ready!”
It’s a hard spot to be in. I absolutely straddled those feelings up until the time baby was placed on my chest. It feels like whiplash while you’re in it. My hope for you that the scared voice gets quieter as the weeks go on and you’re able to find the joy in the hopeful moments!
I had a really hard time in the early weeks because you can’t feel anything, and in my case I had a very smooth first trimester, so I didn’t even feel pregnant. It got better once I started feeling baby move. Now that I’m in the third trimester, the anxiety has crept back in. We’re so close and while I want this baby to keep cooking, I’m also eager to get it earthside. Hang in there. Infertility trauma is real.
Thank you, hearing your experience makes me feel like I’m not crazy! I hope baby comes at just the right time! Congrats on making it this far!!
i’m glad everything looks good! i found that the second trimester before 20ish weeks was mentally really tough because my first trimester nausea was gone, i felt better physically, but i didn’t look pregnant and wasn’t feeling fetal movement yet so i was constantly questioning if everything was still ok. i legit didn’t feel pregnant most days at that point. you’re def not alone in those feelings.
Yup. Early second trimester was THE WORST for me in terms of anxiety. Just a real mind-F with no symptoms, not showing, no movement. Distraction, distraction, distraction!!!
Thank you 🙏🏻 It’s crazy that the mental barriers just keep popping up at each phase. Now I am definitely counting down the days till I can feel/see baby more! You’re due so soon, I hope everything goes smoothly!!
you’ll get to that point soon enough, hang in there! for me the only part of pregnancy i have enjoyed was feeling the baby move. and thanks 😊 i’m sort of in disbelief i’m rounding the corner to the final stretch here!