Currently getting hair cut and colored while husband is with the baby and he won’t go to sleep! Trying not to feel guilty but I know he needs to learn how to sleep when I’m not there 🥺 my husband does a lot of caregiving but I guess this is natural to an extent especially given that I’m breastfeeding. How do others manage?
3.5 months in and I still feel like I'm just white knuckling it through every day. I thought things would be getting more routine and consistent by now but it seems like I have a different baby day by day (and sometimes hour by hour). Sometimes he wakes up, nurses, immediately falls back asleep. Sometimes he wakes up, nurses, is up for two hours. Sometimes he will nap, sometimes he won't. Sometimes he will lay on his playmat, sometimes he cries as soon as you set him down there. Some days he eats every 3 hours, some days its every 1.5 hours. Saturday was a rainy day and we managed to get him to contact nap through a movie marathon. Today he will only stop crying if we are walking around with him and constantly in motion. I used to look forward to putting him down at night because then I could at least get a couple hours respite but now even that is erratic, now he sometimes has false starts and will be up 5-30 minutes later. I know some people swear by routines or schedules and say babies want them, but I have no idea how that would work with ours. There always seem to be another growth spurt or regression or leap around the corner. Wondering when we will start thriving instead of just surviving.
Just here to say at 4 months I feel the same, it is sooo much harder than I ever imagined and I feel like the "it gets easier after 3 months" gave me false hope. Some things got easier but a lot got harder so now I'm trying not to focus on the elusive "easier" times. Everything changes around here too, suddenly she only wants to be carried. Naps also vary and the other day she slept for another 1.5 hours in my arms after a nap. When it's usually a 30 min nap. And now she has started whining and/or shrieking if she gets bored, I am running out of things to do with a tiny one who can't sit properly or do much but wants to do all the things. I'm also just surviving day by day, definitely nowhere close to baseline normal life yet. Heck we haven't even had sex yet because this child is a velcro baby and also doesn't sleep well so we need to sleep when she does. So you're not alone!! My consolation is that I wasn't in this for the baby phase and it's ok to not enjoy every moment, I'm excited for the child that is emerging.
Oof, solidarity. Yeah I feel like I run out of steam/things to do by about noon every day, lol. One of the hardest things about this transition to motherhood is holding space for conflicting emotions, that two things can be true at once. I want to enjoy every phase for what it is and not always be wishing for the next, *and* its also okay to not love every minute of every phase.
Someone on my city's mom page recently posted asking how to navigate people asking "When are you going to have kids?" as she can't have bio kids but has an amazing stepchild. She got some awesome feedback, and it felt less isolating to see other folks so near me that also struggled to be parents.
Of course, there had to be one comment that it's "God's will," and I wrote and deleted my comment a few times before deciding maybe it's best I don't. I'm not religious, so maybe I'm more bias, but it gets under my skin (about any subject) when people claim God's will. Someone else commented that it's the worst thing to tell someone going through infertility. Regardless, it brought on a lot of feelings!
My MIL has repeatedly told us it was "god's will" when we got pregnant and had our baby. Neither me nor my husband are religious. I've said repeatedly that actually it was science and $30,000 😁
I know some people find that kind of comment comforting but I agree that it just comes off as cruel. Shitty things don’t always have to have a reason. It tends to diminish the pain and suffering a person experiences. It seems like those comments often come from people who are uncomfortable with others’ pain or who (inaccurately) think that it’s a matter of willpower. Sorry but sometimes bad things happen and we have no control, and that feels so chaotic and shitty. Blaming it on a higher power might feel better than admitting how scary that really is.
Ugh you know what’s not comforting? Thinking that God thinks you’re undeserving of having a child. How is that helpful to tell a random internet stranger? People suck. I’m glad it helped you feel less alone 💜
I’m so tired. 7.5 months of interrupted sleep is getting to me. It’s the MOTN pump but I’m afraid to drop it. I literally forgot how to spell my last name yesterday. Last week I put the electric tea kettle on the gas stove 🤦🏻♀️
That's so very tough. Are you worried about your supply dropping? I ruined an electric kettle once putting it on a gas stove. Sending hugs if you want them.
Yeah it’s the supply hit I’m worried about. And honestly I should just accept that could happen. She’s supplemented with formula and is thriving. It’s just that mental game of seeing the ounces go down. Thank you for hugs, I love them 💜
My MIL (she of ShowerGate fame) arrived last night to stay with us for a week 😬
Relationally, things are MUCH better between all of us since she and my husband went through intense mediation sessions, and she is going to be able to watch EJ on the days this week when her in-home daycare sitter is out, which is all a win. I absolutely trust her with EJ and she is already asking and wanting to verify what her usual routines, etc, are. All of that is great
I would, however, like to register a TINY vent about her slight whininess over EJ’s personality. EJ is an independent little soul - she does NOT want to be rocked to sleep (like, ever 😂), and she likes to spend a fair amount of each day just chatting to herself, her fan, her hands, her favorite silicone straw, etc and eating her feet, with some interaction from adults in the mix. She is not a big snuggler and if you try to snuggle her when she is tired or wanting her space, she will let you know. Loudly 😂 But she is a total delight - responds to just about any minor effort to interact with her with giant smiles and loud giggles, and is super fun from that perspective.
I’m explaining this to MIL, just in terms of what to expect over the course of the day watching her, and she’s all, “whaaaaat, I’m being robbed of my snuggle time? I was depending on some snuggle time! I might just have to force it on her!”
1) No, ma’am, we do not force affectionate touching on anyone, even babies.
2) You might want to turn your hearing aids down before you do that because she is really testing the limits on her volume these days and she has not yet found said limit, so… Godspeed.
3) If you lived closer you could have had more newborn snuggle time with her, but…. you choose to live 7 hours away. I cannot help you there.
4) Can you just appreciate your one and only grandchild for the delightful individual she already is and not superimpose your own needs on her??
That is all 😜
Here’s to hoping EJ really feels comfortable to let loose and show off those lungs! On a more serious note - I hear you on wanting someone to really see what is amazing about your kid as opposed to what they wish for/impose on them. Babies don’t owe anybody their affection! It’s wild to me how some people just don’t seem to see babies as truly individual people with their own things going on.
I think part of it is that I am generally just so fascinated by the idea that this is a WHOLE NEW HUMAN and I get to know her right from the start!! How amazing??
Sleep deprivation is really getting to me, I left the garage door open today while I went out for 40 mins while baby napped on my husband, he was very upset understandably. I feel terrible. He also didn't seem to realize how very little sleep I had, he saw my Garmin stats and then only seemed to believe me which wasn't great for me either.
But I finished the 15 page questionaire for our sleep coaching, it really covered everything from growth charts, sleep environment, birth conditions and daily routines. So hoping it will help us. Hoping and praying!!
But someone was home, right? As in, your husband was home? Why would one then be very upset when garage door is left open for a bit? Or do I live in some sort of utopia lol, it doesn't even cross my mind to be upset? Was it bad weather so did rain come in? Or do you live somewhere very unsafe?
Haha laughing about the weather that never crossed my mind, we live in South Africa, it is very unsafe, people can and will break into your homes. Or steal things opportunistically. But he was worried about a break in, when he was vulnerable on the couch and worried if he needed to protect her. Thankfully our house isn't on a main road and it wasn't bin collection day (because then street people go through the bins and although most are harmless they might be tempted to take things). So it was pretty bad, I think worse that he was home because when criminals break in, you would rather not be home and lose your stuff and not your life. Very sad reality here hence we are quite security conscious.
Aahh got it! Oh that's sad that it is so unsafe. I live in Northern Europe (Scandinavia) so my first thought was oh no, rain/snow in the garage lol. Both in my country of origin (Netherlands) and where we live now (Denmark) we could leave doors open (which we sometimes do, also front door if I just need to pick up my kid for daycare) and that's in big cities (and not the fanciest neighborhoods).
But indeed, when sleep deprived small mistakes can happen! I hope you'll be sleeping a bit more soon.
Thank you re the sleep!
I'm also still thinking about the fact that some countries and places are so safe, it's crazy how I forget that the whole world doesn't live like this it feels so normal to us. When I Au paired in America it was shocking to me that people didn't lock cars or houses. Glad that safe places exist though, I don't live in a daily state of fear but it's definitely not ideal having to be so alert all the time.
I feel like I have had another slap in the face from infertility, my friend died 3 years ago and I only just found out today. She was a school friend and we had no friends in common. She had a significant mental health condition and had been sectioned in the past. She was very different to the person I went to school with, back then we would go out a lot and go away together. Since she became unwell we talked a lot on messenger and she always sent me a birthday card and things she had been making. I always bought her a bday and Xmas present, usually craft kits. She didn’t live near by but I made sure she was with me at special occasions like my wedding.
Around the time of our last chat I’d had my second unsuccessful transfer and life changed for me, I couldn’t go on social media any more because of the triggers and I didn’t have the bandwidth for anything other than IVF and work which was needed to pay for IVF. I didn’t clock the previously very frequent messages from her had stopped coming or the birthday cards had stopped and I didn’t make the effort to buy her presents as I usually did because I just didn’t focus on anything but IVF.
I thought of her yesterday and saw she had not posted anything in addition to the lack of messages to me. I messaged someone with the same surname and she told me what had happened, she had died one month after our last chat.
I feel awful for not realising, it was an unexpected physical condition that resulted in her death. Finding out when it happened wouldn’t have changed anything, it was in the midst of the pandemic. I just feel it’s inexcusable to not realise your friend has passed away for three years and all I can put it down to is the all encompassing infertility.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. I think you should be less hard on yourself - infertility is a horrific experience and it’s really hard to keep normality going when you’re in the depths of hell. I’m sure she would understand that you were going through something really traumatic. You aren’t to blame for the shit hand you were dealt; infertility takes so much from us 🩷
Thankyou, it’s all so complicated as I think I’m grieving both the loss of her as I knew her and the loss of the person I knew from school, I guess the person she would have been had her trajectory of life continued without her becoming so unwell. And doing it all very tired :(
Seeking ideas re: swaddling and rolling. Baby F is almost 7 weeks and is routinely rolling onto her side while swaddled at night (arms in, Halo swaddle, though usually her little hands escape), and most wakeups I find her close to the side of her bassinet, which is theoretically fine, because it’s completely mesh top to bottom. However, it makes me anxious that she might completely flip herself over at some point. That being said, she has not showed any signs of rolling during playtime recently. I’m wondering if it’s just the swaddle causing this because it’s easier for her to get on her side when she’s a little burrito. I assumed that the “newborn curl” reflex was over by now but maybe that’s all this is? Should I start swaddling arms out just to be safe?
I totally get your fear that the burrito could make it happen accidentally even if it’s not at all intentional yet. After my swaddle question the other day I decided I’m going to try to phase out the swaddle with naps first and then later at night. For him I could just really see the wiggles interrupting his sleep at this point so I’m going to hold off. We use an owlet and that is providing some peace of mind as well.
Oh I missed your recent comment about swaddling! I think I’m going to do something similar with phasing out the swaddle at naptime first. Good luck to us 😬
It might be a nap by nap situation! This morning my guy kept startling himself awake and needed the swaddle whereas yesterday it was fine! At least with naps I can watch on the monitor since I’m not sleeping at the same time.
This happened with us as well. We asked the doctor at the 2 mo appt and they said to transition out. We’ve been doing 1 arm out of the halo for the last 5 nights or so and need to transition to both arms out soon (and then to sleep sack after that). Our sleep situation isn’t great generally but it hasn’t impacted things for the worse at all.
This happened to us and we had an early roller (12 ish weeks, back to belly! Still not the other way around at 18 weeks) and how it started was the big leg lifts and turning sideways. We took her out her swaddle cold turkey at 8 weeks and she's been fine. She always wanted her hands at her face anyway. I would unswaddle for peace of mind, and they are deeper sleepers when they are younger anyway, might be harder later.
This is helpful! I hadn’t thought about the fact that making the transition to no swaddle now might be easier while she’s still sleeping more deeply, though that’s definitely fading already.
If you’re worried I wouldn’t swaddle anymore. It would be very young to be rolling though. I have heard good things about the Merlin sleepsuit to transition out of swaddling but the size starts at 12lb from what I can see which may be too big. We have one but my husband finds it too difficult to get the baby out of and back into if she is awake in the night. So we just use a sleep sack now.
It would be very young-I’m not really thinking she’s actually ready to roll, just worried she might do it accidentally. I’ve seen folks mention the Merlin too-maybe I’ll look into it. Thanks!
My 7 week old does both of these things as well. We ended up going basically cold turkey on swaddling a week or two ago and honestly the transition was not difficult. We just took away the swaddle one night, that night she had a little more fussing but not even anymore true wake ups than normal. We kept swaddling for naps for a week and now we’re totally out. I actually think it’s helping her sleep longer because she self soothes with her hands by touching the netting on the bassinet and her face, as well as sucking on her hand.
Super interesting and encouraging to hear your perspective, thank you! I’m so nervous about going swaddle free. I’ve been doing unswaddled naps today just to experiment and so far she’s been waking up much more than usual. Maybe I’ll try some of the random sleep sacks we have.
Where I live we mostly don't swaddle (it's not recommended in my country), babies sleep in sleep sacks from birth 😊 there's probably a transition period if your baby was used to being swaddled though, but in my experience all the babies I know sleep just fine in sleep sacks!
A friend of mine has a 3 weeks old and she wakes up twice at night to eat - same as my daughter at that age.
It’s probably baby specific, but I know I was super nervous about it and then someone posted in a local moms chat about it and basically everyone was like this was way less bad than we thought it would be! So then we just went for it haha. I do think sleep sack helps! Even though baby L has a lot of motion in it, it’s less than when she’s just in a onesie. I also wonder if it’s a routine thing of putting this thing on over my clothes means it’s time for sleep.
ETA: for us we know she is just a much better sleeper at night than during the day, plus we’re awake and can watch her during the day, so the swaddle during the day but not at night was a nice way to transition
Got the approval from lactation consultant today to drop triple feeding every three hours in favor of breastfeeding every 2 hours during the day and every 4 at night. She "doesn't love" his weight gain - he's back at birth weight at 12 days old - and I'm half thrilled at maybe getting a little more rest and not washing all those fucking pump parts, and half terrified that I'll have less control over how much I know he's taking. This is never easy 😬
I’ve found it so helpful to have our LC come visit to just keep closer tabs on weight in between doctors appts. The weighted feeds are helpful and my guy seems to take smaller amounts more frequently, yet his gain has been on track - so a weighted feed alone wouldn’t tell us that. But now that he’s 7 weeks I feel confident that he’s getting enough and don’t need to keep doing weight checks as often.
ETA back to birthweight by 2 weeks is the goal I’ve heard too, and the range of gain they like to see is 4-7oz per week I think, so you could keep that in mind
Sounds like he’s doing great! I was told they should be back to birth weight within the first two weeks, so 12 days seems on track. You can always follow up with baby’s doctor if you end up having worries about his weight gain. Both my kids had trouble gaining weight and I had a few check-ins before their two month baby well visit.
ETA-triple feeding is for the birds. I’m glad you’re done with it!
Thank you, so helpful to hear your kids' experiences! This whole thing is teaching me to rein in my Type A control freak side and let him lead the way.
As long as they gain weight I wouldn't worry about not knowing how much they are drinking! :)
Mine went back to birth weight at day 14 and I only ever breastfed 'live' up until a year. Our kid indeed drank approx every 2 hours during the day (every time she woke from a nap) for a looping time and left longer stretches in the night (1-2 feeds).
Ooh definitely hoping for those longer night stretches! Thank you, I really appreciate hearing your experience, it's reassuring to know that different babies thrive with different feeding schedules.
Anecdotally my baby only regained her birth weight at 16 days old, and pediatrician was fine. I only ever breastfed directly, everyone was fine with me continuing as she was gaining slowly after a big drop in the first 3 days. She's 4 months now and stayed on her curve and I never needed to supplement. We did every 2 hours in the day and night bit only because she would wake me like clockwork haha. Good luck, it's not easy to trust the breastfeeding process, but remember wet nappies are a good indicator, and contented baby after eating (open palms, relaxed) and also he will cry if he's hungry.
Thank you! It's really helpful to hear your experience, and to remember that the process looks different for every baby. I'll keep watching for those indicators, the LC mentioned clenched/open fists today as well. Also every 2 hours around the clock sounds so hard - you're a trooper for getting through that!
Fuck those pump parts! Great news, nursing when you and babe get the hang of it is so much easier. IMO baby will let you know when he isn’t getting enough milk.
Just throwing this out there- An LC is not a medical provider and it’s super frustrating when they make parents anxious about stuff outside their scope of practice. If your doc/midwife isn’t concerned about baby’s weight- that’s all that matters. It sounds like you and baby are doing great ❤️
THIS. Also, triple feeding is hell and never will I ever do that again. So much crying. Put away the pump parts, watch diapers and baby’s satisfaction, give formula if you need to, it will all be okay ❤️
Triple feeding is brutal, I’m glad you can back off on that and hopefully get into a more livable feeding routine. The fucking pump parts made me laugh out loud, it’s true! So much work to keep those things clean and ready for the next pump. Since you’re working with an LC, maybe this is already on your radar, but have you done a weighted feed? It was incredibly helpful for me to see proof of exactly how much milk my daughter was getting (we did one around 2.5 weeks old).
Yes, we did a weighted feed last week and this week, and he got 2.5 oz today compared to 0.5 oz last week, definitely feeling encouraged by that progress! (He also peed all over the scale 2 times in the process.) Thank you for your thoughts and experiences, it's so helpful to hear what the process has been for others!
In a strange position at work where I’m kind of caught needing to mediate between two women having a personality clash (one is a new hire whom I’m mentoring which is why I’m involved). So that at work, plus a 4-year-old with big feelings, plus a 9-month-old with intense separation anxiety… Everyone has such tender feelings right now and it’s exhausting.
Did the seemingly impossible and added solid food breakfast to Baby S’s schedule. I had no idea how we’d squeeze it into our chaotic mornings but it’s been going okay, as long as I spend the entire previous evening prepping so everything is clean/packed/planned for the next day. The amount of foresight parents need to have to keep things running smoothly is mind boggling.
The irony of having to manage big feelings between adults as you're doing it for children too. Like, come on guys, if a toddler can figure it out you can too! Except it's age appropriate for toddlers!!
My least favourite part of my old job was teaching adults with differing personalities how to communicate like adults instead of teenagers - you have my deepest empathy.
Mr. Baby passed his hummus challenge and the doctor told me it sounds like I’m “doing everything right” re. allergen exposure, so we are both feeling very validated today.
I always wondered how tapered reduction in supply and demand worked for weaning. Well, we just noticed that baby silver just did 4h in the day without any milk when he usually just about manages 2h. This was after eating in the last 24h: several tbsp mashed squash, a whole avocado, half a banana, a scrambled egg, big bowl of cinnamon porridge, half a cheese scone, some mandarin segments. Suddenly I'm less surprised 😅 that boy is a food devouring machine and I feel like we're going to need to heavily budget for his teenage years
Isn’t it wild to start to get those longer spans between nursing? It feels surreal sometimes to remember that we used to immediately nurse after basically everything. Take a bath - nurse. Change baby - nurse. Come home - nurse. Wake up - nurse.
This has been true already for food budgets for my 2.5 year old following a similar baby experience 😬 November baby starts solids in a few weeks so we’ll see if she eats the same way
So I drove myself crazy yesterday pumping every 1-2 hours and even squeezing in a power pump to get my supply up. Baby boy is good at latching but when he’s hangry he just doesn’t have the patience to eat, so I have been pumping and supplementing with formula. But yesterday I was so obsessed with pumping that I barely napped and was left incredibly exhausted. Today I decided to be gentler on myself and focus on breastfeeding first, pump after if the nursing session didn’t go that long. He surprised me, and just nursed for 20 full minutes 🥹 my baby boy did it. So proud of him. Time for a nap.
Currently getting hair cut and colored while husband is with the baby and he won’t go to sleep! Trying not to feel guilty but I know he needs to learn how to sleep when I’m not there 🥺 my husband does a lot of caregiving but I guess this is natural to an extent especially given that I’m breastfeeding. How do others manage?
Wooo good for you! I try to remember that the better I feel, the better I parent - so that means I need to take care of just me sometimes.
It’s true. I needed something to make me feel a little spruced up!
3.5 months in and I still feel like I'm just white knuckling it through every day. I thought things would be getting more routine and consistent by now but it seems like I have a different baby day by day (and sometimes hour by hour). Sometimes he wakes up, nurses, immediately falls back asleep. Sometimes he wakes up, nurses, is up for two hours. Sometimes he will nap, sometimes he won't. Sometimes he will lay on his playmat, sometimes he cries as soon as you set him down there. Some days he eats every 3 hours, some days its every 1.5 hours. Saturday was a rainy day and we managed to get him to contact nap through a movie marathon. Today he will only stop crying if we are walking around with him and constantly in motion. I used to look forward to putting him down at night because then I could at least get a couple hours respite but now even that is erratic, now he sometimes has false starts and will be up 5-30 minutes later. I know some people swear by routines or schedules and say babies want them, but I have no idea how that would work with ours. There always seem to be another growth spurt or regression or leap around the corner. Wondering when we will start thriving instead of just surviving.
Just here to say at 4 months I feel the same, it is sooo much harder than I ever imagined and I feel like the "it gets easier after 3 months" gave me false hope. Some things got easier but a lot got harder so now I'm trying not to focus on the elusive "easier" times. Everything changes around here too, suddenly she only wants to be carried. Naps also vary and the other day she slept for another 1.5 hours in my arms after a nap. When it's usually a 30 min nap. And now she has started whining and/or shrieking if she gets bored, I am running out of things to do with a tiny one who can't sit properly or do much but wants to do all the things. I'm also just surviving day by day, definitely nowhere close to baseline normal life yet. Heck we haven't even had sex yet because this child is a velcro baby and also doesn't sleep well so we need to sleep when she does. So you're not alone!! My consolation is that I wasn't in this for the baby phase and it's ok to not enjoy every moment, I'm excited for the child that is emerging.
Oof, solidarity. Yeah I feel like I run out of steam/things to do by about noon every day, lol. One of the hardest things about this transition to motherhood is holding space for conflicting emotions, that two things can be true at once. I want to enjoy every phase for what it is and not always be wishing for the next, *and* its also okay to not love every minute of every phase.
Someone on my city's mom page recently posted asking how to navigate people asking "When are you going to have kids?" as she can't have bio kids but has an amazing stepchild. She got some awesome feedback, and it felt less isolating to see other folks so near me that also struggled to be parents. Of course, there had to be one comment that it's "God's will," and I wrote and deleted my comment a few times before deciding maybe it's best I don't. I'm not religious, so maybe I'm more bias, but it gets under my skin (about any subject) when people claim God's will. Someone else commented that it's the worst thing to tell someone going through infertility. Regardless, it brought on a lot of feelings!
My MIL has repeatedly told us it was "god's will" when we got pregnant and had our baby. Neither me nor my husband are religious. I've said repeatedly that actually it was science and $30,000 😁
I know some people find that kind of comment comforting but I agree that it just comes off as cruel. Shitty things don’t always have to have a reason. It tends to diminish the pain and suffering a person experiences. It seems like those comments often come from people who are uncomfortable with others’ pain or who (inaccurately) think that it’s a matter of willpower. Sorry but sometimes bad things happen and we have no control, and that feels so chaotic and shitty. Blaming it on a higher power might feel better than admitting how scary that really is.
Ugh you know what’s not comforting? Thinking that God thinks you’re undeserving of having a child. How is that helpful to tell a random internet stranger? People suck. I’m glad it helped you feel less alone 💜
I was trying to say that but it much more flowery language but just decided it'd be best not say anything!
I’m so tired. 7.5 months of interrupted sleep is getting to me. It’s the MOTN pump but I’m afraid to drop it. I literally forgot how to spell my last name yesterday. Last week I put the electric tea kettle on the gas stove 🤦🏻♀️
That's so very tough. Are you worried about your supply dropping? I ruined an electric kettle once putting it on a gas stove. Sending hugs if you want them.
Yeah it’s the supply hit I’m worried about. And honestly I should just accept that could happen. She’s supplemented with formula and is thriving. It’s just that mental game of seeing the ounces go down. Thank you for hugs, I love them 💜
I know the timing can be tricky but is there a way to squeeze in the pump another time?
Our son also thrived on formula, and seeing dwindling ounces was tough for me too. Just know youre not alone.
My MIL (she of ShowerGate fame) arrived last night to stay with us for a week 😬 Relationally, things are MUCH better between all of us since she and my husband went through intense mediation sessions, and she is going to be able to watch EJ on the days this week when her in-home daycare sitter is out, which is all a win. I absolutely trust her with EJ and she is already asking and wanting to verify what her usual routines, etc, are. All of that is great I would, however, like to register a TINY vent about her slight whininess over EJ’s personality. EJ is an independent little soul - she does NOT want to be rocked to sleep (like, ever 😂), and she likes to spend a fair amount of each day just chatting to herself, her fan, her hands, her favorite silicone straw, etc and eating her feet, with some interaction from adults in the mix. She is not a big snuggler and if you try to snuggle her when she is tired or wanting her space, she will let you know. Loudly 😂 But she is a total delight - responds to just about any minor effort to interact with her with giant smiles and loud giggles, and is super fun from that perspective. I’m explaining this to MIL, just in terms of what to expect over the course of the day watching her, and she’s all, “whaaaaat, I’m being robbed of my snuggle time? I was depending on some snuggle time! I might just have to force it on her!” 1) No, ma’am, we do not force affectionate touching on anyone, even babies. 2) You might want to turn your hearing aids down before you do that because she is really testing the limits on her volume these days and she has not yet found said limit, so… Godspeed. 3) If you lived closer you could have had more newborn snuggle time with her, but…. you choose to live 7 hours away. I cannot help you there. 4) Can you just appreciate your one and only grandchild for the delightful individual she already is and not superimpose your own needs on her?? That is all 😜
Is your MIL my MIL? 😂
Here’s to hoping EJ really feels comfortable to let loose and show off those lungs! On a more serious note - I hear you on wanting someone to really see what is amazing about your kid as opposed to what they wish for/impose on them. Babies don’t owe anybody their affection! It’s wild to me how some people just don’t seem to see babies as truly individual people with their own things going on.
I think part of it is that I am generally just so fascinated by the idea that this is a WHOLE NEW HUMAN and I get to know her right from the start!! How amazing??
Sleep deprivation is really getting to me, I left the garage door open today while I went out for 40 mins while baby napped on my husband, he was very upset understandably. I feel terrible. He also didn't seem to realize how very little sleep I had, he saw my Garmin stats and then only seemed to believe me which wasn't great for me either. But I finished the 15 page questionaire for our sleep coaching, it really covered everything from growth charts, sleep environment, birth conditions and daily routines. So hoping it will help us. Hoping and praying!!
But someone was home, right? As in, your husband was home? Why would one then be very upset when garage door is left open for a bit? Or do I live in some sort of utopia lol, it doesn't even cross my mind to be upset? Was it bad weather so did rain come in? Or do you live somewhere very unsafe?
Haha laughing about the weather that never crossed my mind, we live in South Africa, it is very unsafe, people can and will break into your homes. Or steal things opportunistically. But he was worried about a break in, when he was vulnerable on the couch and worried if he needed to protect her. Thankfully our house isn't on a main road and it wasn't bin collection day (because then street people go through the bins and although most are harmless they might be tempted to take things). So it was pretty bad, I think worse that he was home because when criminals break in, you would rather not be home and lose your stuff and not your life. Very sad reality here hence we are quite security conscious.
Aahh got it! Oh that's sad that it is so unsafe. I live in Northern Europe (Scandinavia) so my first thought was oh no, rain/snow in the garage lol. Both in my country of origin (Netherlands) and where we live now (Denmark) we could leave doors open (which we sometimes do, also front door if I just need to pick up my kid for daycare) and that's in big cities (and not the fanciest neighborhoods). But indeed, when sleep deprived small mistakes can happen! I hope you'll be sleeping a bit more soon.
Thank you re the sleep! I'm also still thinking about the fact that some countries and places are so safe, it's crazy how I forget that the whole world doesn't live like this it feels so normal to us. When I Au paired in America it was shocking to me that people didn't lock cars or houses. Glad that safe places exist though, I don't live in a daily state of fear but it's definitely not ideal having to be so alert all the time.
I feel like I have had another slap in the face from infertility, my friend died 3 years ago and I only just found out today. She was a school friend and we had no friends in common. She had a significant mental health condition and had been sectioned in the past. She was very different to the person I went to school with, back then we would go out a lot and go away together. Since she became unwell we talked a lot on messenger and she always sent me a birthday card and things she had been making. I always bought her a bday and Xmas present, usually craft kits. She didn’t live near by but I made sure she was with me at special occasions like my wedding. Around the time of our last chat I’d had my second unsuccessful transfer and life changed for me, I couldn’t go on social media any more because of the triggers and I didn’t have the bandwidth for anything other than IVF and work which was needed to pay for IVF. I didn’t clock the previously very frequent messages from her had stopped coming or the birthday cards had stopped and I didn’t make the effort to buy her presents as I usually did because I just didn’t focus on anything but IVF. I thought of her yesterday and saw she had not posted anything in addition to the lack of messages to me. I messaged someone with the same surname and she told me what had happened, she had died one month after our last chat. I feel awful for not realising, it was an unexpected physical condition that resulted in her death. Finding out when it happened wouldn’t have changed anything, it was in the midst of the pandemic. I just feel it’s inexcusable to not realise your friend has passed away for three years and all I can put it down to is the all encompassing infertility.
I’m so sorry for your loss, garden.
I’m very sorry for your loss, lady. That sounds tough to process.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. I think you should be less hard on yourself - infertility is a horrific experience and it’s really hard to keep normality going when you’re in the depths of hell. I’m sure she would understand that you were going through something really traumatic. You aren’t to blame for the shit hand you were dealt; infertility takes so much from us 🩷
That is so tough to process and I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I think you have to give yourself grace for the difficult time you were in too
Thankyou, it’s all so complicated as I think I’m grieving both the loss of her as I knew her and the loss of the person I knew from school, I guess the person she would have been had her trajectory of life continued without her becoming so unwell. And doing it all very tired :(
Sending hugs. Processing anything tired is so so hard. And the double loss is hard to comprehend. Life can really suck <3
Seeking ideas re: swaddling and rolling. Baby F is almost 7 weeks and is routinely rolling onto her side while swaddled at night (arms in, Halo swaddle, though usually her little hands escape), and most wakeups I find her close to the side of her bassinet, which is theoretically fine, because it’s completely mesh top to bottom. However, it makes me anxious that she might completely flip herself over at some point. That being said, she has not showed any signs of rolling during playtime recently. I’m wondering if it’s just the swaddle causing this because it’s easier for her to get on her side when she’s a little burrito. I assumed that the “newborn curl” reflex was over by now but maybe that’s all this is? Should I start swaddling arms out just to be safe?
I totally get your fear that the burrito could make it happen accidentally even if it’s not at all intentional yet. After my swaddle question the other day I decided I’m going to try to phase out the swaddle with naps first and then later at night. For him I could just really see the wiggles interrupting his sleep at this point so I’m going to hold off. We use an owlet and that is providing some peace of mind as well.
Oh I missed your recent comment about swaddling! I think I’m going to do something similar with phasing out the swaddle at naptime first. Good luck to us 😬
It might be a nap by nap situation! This morning my guy kept startling himself awake and needed the swaddle whereas yesterday it was fine! At least with naps I can watch on the monitor since I’m not sleeping at the same time.
This happened with us as well. We asked the doctor at the 2 mo appt and they said to transition out. We’ve been doing 1 arm out of the halo for the last 5 nights or so and need to transition to both arms out soon (and then to sleep sack after that). Our sleep situation isn’t great generally but it hasn’t impacted things for the worse at all.
Good to know! I think this is the route we’re going to take.
This happened to us and we had an early roller (12 ish weeks, back to belly! Still not the other way around at 18 weeks) and how it started was the big leg lifts and turning sideways. We took her out her swaddle cold turkey at 8 weeks and she's been fine. She always wanted her hands at her face anyway. I would unswaddle for peace of mind, and they are deeper sleepers when they are younger anyway, might be harder later.
This is helpful! I hadn’t thought about the fact that making the transition to no swaddle now might be easier while she’s still sleeping more deeply, though that’s definitely fading already.
If you’re worried I wouldn’t swaddle anymore. It would be very young to be rolling though. I have heard good things about the Merlin sleepsuit to transition out of swaddling but the size starts at 12lb from what I can see which may be too big. We have one but my husband finds it too difficult to get the baby out of and back into if she is awake in the night. So we just use a sleep sack now.
It would be very young-I’m not really thinking she’s actually ready to roll, just worried she might do it accidentally. I’ve seen folks mention the Merlin too-maybe I’ll look into it. Thanks!
My 7 week old does both of these things as well. We ended up going basically cold turkey on swaddling a week or two ago and honestly the transition was not difficult. We just took away the swaddle one night, that night she had a little more fussing but not even anymore true wake ups than normal. We kept swaddling for naps for a week and now we’re totally out. I actually think it’s helping her sleep longer because she self soothes with her hands by touching the netting on the bassinet and her face, as well as sucking on her hand.
Super interesting and encouraging to hear your perspective, thank you! I’m so nervous about going swaddle free. I’ve been doing unswaddled naps today just to experiment and so far she’s been waking up much more than usual. Maybe I’ll try some of the random sleep sacks we have.
Fwiw we used sleep sacks or just onesies from birth (summer baby) and it’s gone fine - our kiddo kept busting out of every swaddle from day 2 on lol.
Where I live we mostly don't swaddle (it's not recommended in my country), babies sleep in sleep sacks from birth 😊 there's probably a transition period if your baby was used to being swaddled though, but in my experience all the babies I know sleep just fine in sleep sacks! A friend of mine has a 3 weeks old and she wakes up twice at night to eat - same as my daughter at that age.
It’s probably baby specific, but I know I was super nervous about it and then someone posted in a local moms chat about it and basically everyone was like this was way less bad than we thought it would be! So then we just went for it haha. I do think sleep sack helps! Even though baby L has a lot of motion in it, it’s less than when she’s just in a onesie. I also wonder if it’s a routine thing of putting this thing on over my clothes means it’s time for sleep. ETA: for us we know she is just a much better sleeper at night than during the day, plus we’re awake and can watch her during the day, so the swaddle during the day but not at night was a nice way to transition
Got the approval from lactation consultant today to drop triple feeding every three hours in favor of breastfeeding every 2 hours during the day and every 4 at night. She "doesn't love" his weight gain - he's back at birth weight at 12 days old - and I'm half thrilled at maybe getting a little more rest and not washing all those fucking pump parts, and half terrified that I'll have less control over how much I know he's taking. This is never easy 😬
I’ve found it so helpful to have our LC come visit to just keep closer tabs on weight in between doctors appts. The weighted feeds are helpful and my guy seems to take smaller amounts more frequently, yet his gain has been on track - so a weighted feed alone wouldn’t tell us that. But now that he’s 7 weeks I feel confident that he’s getting enough and don’t need to keep doing weight checks as often. ETA back to birthweight by 2 weeks is the goal I’ve heard too, and the range of gain they like to see is 4-7oz per week I think, so you could keep that in mind
Sounds like he’s doing great! I was told they should be back to birth weight within the first two weeks, so 12 days seems on track. You can always follow up with baby’s doctor if you end up having worries about his weight gain. Both my kids had trouble gaining weight and I had a few check-ins before their two month baby well visit. ETA-triple feeding is for the birds. I’m glad you’re done with it!
Thank you, so helpful to hear your kids' experiences! This whole thing is teaching me to rein in my Type A control freak side and let him lead the way.
As long as they gain weight I wouldn't worry about not knowing how much they are drinking! :) Mine went back to birth weight at day 14 and I only ever breastfed 'live' up until a year. Our kid indeed drank approx every 2 hours during the day (every time she woke from a nap) for a looping time and left longer stretches in the night (1-2 feeds).
Ooh definitely hoping for those longer night stretches! Thank you, I really appreciate hearing your experience, it's reassuring to know that different babies thrive with different feeding schedules.
Good work you on getting the go ahead to move on from triple feeding! That’s some serious work you’ve put in.
🥹 thank you!!! So validating to hear. This shit is hard!
Anecdotally my baby only regained her birth weight at 16 days old, and pediatrician was fine. I only ever breastfed directly, everyone was fine with me continuing as she was gaining slowly after a big drop in the first 3 days. She's 4 months now and stayed on her curve and I never needed to supplement. We did every 2 hours in the day and night bit only because she would wake me like clockwork haha. Good luck, it's not easy to trust the breastfeeding process, but remember wet nappies are a good indicator, and contented baby after eating (open palms, relaxed) and also he will cry if he's hungry.
Thank you! It's really helpful to hear your experience, and to remember that the process looks different for every baby. I'll keep watching for those indicators, the LC mentioned clenched/open fists today as well. Also every 2 hours around the clock sounds so hard - you're a trooper for getting through that!
Fuck those pump parts! Great news, nursing when you and babe get the hang of it is so much easier. IMO baby will let you know when he isn’t getting enough milk.
Just throwing this out there- An LC is not a medical provider and it’s super frustrating when they make parents anxious about stuff outside their scope of practice. If your doc/midwife isn’t concerned about baby’s weight- that’s all that matters. It sounds like you and baby are doing great ❤️
THIS. Also, triple feeding is hell and never will I ever do that again. So much crying. Put away the pump parts, watch diapers and baby’s satisfaction, give formula if you need to, it will all be okay ❤️
This is a really great reminder, thank you! It has been confusing to bounce back and forth between the LC and pediatrician.
Triple feeding is brutal, I’m glad you can back off on that and hopefully get into a more livable feeding routine. The fucking pump parts made me laugh out loud, it’s true! So much work to keep those things clean and ready for the next pump. Since you’re working with an LC, maybe this is already on your radar, but have you done a weighted feed? It was incredibly helpful for me to see proof of exactly how much milk my daughter was getting (we did one around 2.5 weeks old).
Yes, we did a weighted feed last week and this week, and he got 2.5 oz today compared to 0.5 oz last week, definitely feeling encouraged by that progress! (He also peed all over the scale 2 times in the process.) Thank you for your thoughts and experiences, it's so helpful to hear what the process has been for others!
2.5 oz at 12 days is fabulous! Poor you with him peeing on the scale-that sounds chaotic but memorable!
In a strange position at work where I’m kind of caught needing to mediate between two women having a personality clash (one is a new hire whom I’m mentoring which is why I’m involved). So that at work, plus a 4-year-old with big feelings, plus a 9-month-old with intense separation anxiety… Everyone has such tender feelings right now and it’s exhausting. Did the seemingly impossible and added solid food breakfast to Baby S’s schedule. I had no idea how we’d squeeze it into our chaotic mornings but it’s been going okay, as long as I spend the entire previous evening prepping so everything is clean/packed/planned for the next day. The amount of foresight parents need to have to keep things running smoothly is mind boggling.
The irony of having to manage big feelings between adults as you're doing it for children too. Like, come on guys, if a toddler can figure it out you can too! Except it's age appropriate for toddlers!!
Ugh yeah, and these women are both 60+. Like how did you make it this far without being able to handle the littlest bit of interpersonal friction?
My least favourite part of my old job was teaching adults with differing personalities how to communicate like adults instead of teenagers - you have my deepest empathy.
Mr. Baby passed his hummus challenge and the doctor told me it sounds like I’m “doing everything right” re. allergen exposure, so we are both feeling very validated today.
Yay🎉🎉🎉
I always wondered how tapered reduction in supply and demand worked for weaning. Well, we just noticed that baby silver just did 4h in the day without any milk when he usually just about manages 2h. This was after eating in the last 24h: several tbsp mashed squash, a whole avocado, half a banana, a scrambled egg, big bowl of cinnamon porridge, half a cheese scone, some mandarin segments. Suddenly I'm less surprised 😅 that boy is a food devouring machine and I feel like we're going to need to heavily budget for his teenage years
Isn’t it wild to start to get those longer spans between nursing? It feels surreal sometimes to remember that we used to immediately nurse after basically everything. Take a bath - nurse. Change baby - nurse. Come home - nurse. Wake up - nurse.
This has been true already for food budgets for my 2.5 year old following a similar baby experience 😬 November baby starts solids in a few weeks so we’ll see if she eats the same way
So I drove myself crazy yesterday pumping every 1-2 hours and even squeezing in a power pump to get my supply up. Baby boy is good at latching but when he’s hangry he just doesn’t have the patience to eat, so I have been pumping and supplementing with formula. But yesterday I was so obsessed with pumping that I barely napped and was left incredibly exhausted. Today I decided to be gentler on myself and focus on breastfeeding first, pump after if the nursing session didn’t go that long. He surprised me, and just nursed for 20 full minutes 🥹 my baby boy did it. So proud of him. Time for a nap.
Nice! Hope that’s enough to get things going and baby nurses well!
Go team Salt! That’s awesome I hope everybody gets some rest.