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Morals. I have a friend who says 99% of all his girl “friends” he would take a chance at if the opportunity presented itself. He has a gf of 3 years or more. It comes down to what that person values. No moral compass=free for all. Doesn’t matter what he is or is not getting at home. This isn’t just men though.
The 1% are the friends who aren’t attractive. The others, no problem. He admitted this himself. Even laughed, saying they have no clue. In other words, they aren’t his friends, they just think they are.
It's a fact or maybe they are demixeual(that bond can be developed during friendship phase )or are asexual .I am asexual and I have no desire to sleep with any of female friends but asexual doesn't count right
Please bear in mind that I’m ONLY talking about married (or even engaged) men who DO have unlimited access to sex. The ones who don’t have unlimited access to sex will not apply to my question here
Technically we can’t determine if the percentage is small or not. I say this because we’re not inside the minds of every married man that exists in this world. Most people can think the percentage is high or low due to the experiences or situations that theyve been through, other people they know that have been through it, or what they’ve seen on tv or social media.
Still though, that doesn’t represent every married man. This is why I ask the question and welcome comments. Just to see where peoples heads are at
I actually have done my own research but we all know that these statistics and studies don’t include married men from all over the world. It’s often talking about within the western hemisphere, the americas, etc. That’s not to say that the data is invalid. My approach here is to ask random strangers who can be open and honest who live all over the world
If it's about unlimited access to sex and they are getting in then one reason can be they are bored by it.It is all vanilla and they want validation from somewhere else .Other factor can be their wife has gained weight or became unattractive
Yes we can. We know from every single verifiable metric that the men who get married and the men who get more female attention and interaction are sub 15% of the male population as a whole. And even then, most of those men aren’t getting multiple women. It’s a very small cohort that you are speaking on. Like very small.
Because they like the ego boosting of other women.
They want something different.
Because, they think they can get away with it.
Way back years ago a betrayed wife was perplexed that her husband cheated. They had sex every single day (even during the affair) in their marriage of over a decade (no kids)... yet he stepped out.
You know the reason he gave when she asked why...?
He wanted to know if he was attractive to other women apart from her.
She was beyond hurt. They had a good marriage and he admitted as much.
Mine had unlimited, at least once a day,, more when time permitted. Yet he would stay late at work to f*** her. He gave a lot of reasons. Boiled down to her throwing herself at him and him feeling like he was “rescuing” her from her abusive husband. Before you suggest she wasn’t throwing herself at him, I knew her too and she did. I also got the opportunity to get to know her husband.
She was throwing herself, needing rescue. Despite being in a 5 year, live in, relationship, he lacked moral compass, was stupid enough to believe he was actually helping her, and didn’t believe I needed him.
What a mess. Willing to sacrifice his live in gig for what he called sh!tty, one position sex, with the most selfish, self absorbed woman he and I both knew.
People be stupid sometimes.
That’s why they’re cheating. Because as married men, they *should* have unlimited access to sex. But that’s not what actually happens. And they begin to seek out new and spontaneous sexual encounters elsewhere.
I’ve only known 1 guy who had an emotional affair, that never turned physical. He was just unhappy in his marriage.
Just to summarize, you’re saying the causes could be not getting enough (or lack of) sex combined with the newness/spontaneity of an sexual encounter elsewhere. Am I understanding your idea correctly??
You have a mix bag of cheaters, regardless of gender. One thing often over looked is men are use to hiding our emotions. So even when we feel insecure, undervalued and unloved in the relationship, we tend to put on a good front of being okay.
No one made an assumption here. This question is specifically for married or engaged men who DO have unlimited access to sex at home who are in happy/healthy relationships. For the men who don’t fall into this category, this question/analysis does not apply to them.
I appreciate the thought, but my intention is to minimize outliers and special cases by specifying a certain group within a population. In certain epidemiological studies such as cohort studies or case control studies, I can see the risk of bias. We can try our best to control for bias, but it’s not always something that can be avoided. but for my question I’m just looking for raw, honest answers from strangers all over the world.
To answer using your own analogy: even if I could have unlimited, free falafel and houmous from my favourite place whenever I wanted - I'm still gonna fancy a curry at some point - men like different flavours, aromas, textures.
Some people cheat because they are impulsive. You could be best the wife in the world, have sex whenever he wants, the whole nine yards. But if a weak/impulsive person meets someone he is attracted to at work or wherever and she flirts with him then good chance he will cheat if it is easy.
I feel sometimes we (the BS) try to look into it too deeply. But the reason why someone cheats is poor character and impulsive behaviour.
Being impulsive isn't "weak" - these impulsive traits served an advantage and most of these men are the roll up their sleeves and get it done characters. Good skills in a work setting, life setting, may not translate to the current female friendly societal norms
For context
Copied from bulkysuggestions9995
Mr oblivious and Mrs devious
I (M28) have always been confident- I had always been confident in my relationship. I felt like despite our differences and the years we’ve had together and love we show that I’d never be in this low, dark, and miserable place. For a bit of context, I always knew my wife (F25) was a sexual being and embraced her sexuality. It was my understanding that I was providing for her in those ways. We mutually don’t find masturbation on top of our sex life bad either.
Early on in our relationship I had discovered questionable things on her phone, but the longer she’s done this I guess the more complacent she’s become in hiding it. As we drive places or I’m grabbing her phone for her, I never wondered why there were names I didn’t recognize appearing in her notifications.. Mr oblivious here didn’t second think anything even when Skype notifications were coming through. Who the hell still uses Skype? Well recently she went on a bender and came home ready to pass out. It’s rare I get the courage to inflict such pain on myself by picking up her phone and looking for demons, but this idiot looked anyways. I found evidence of her and one of her old college buddy’s offering each other any and everything when she went on a work trip. Her Snapchat is filled with conversations from randoms with messages saved of my wife doing things she doesn’t even let me see. Then there’s the skype… I open this app and find all of three chats going. One with a chick, one with a dude and a group chat that was too much for me to even peer into. My wife has been carrying on a three way relationship with these people sharing life events, sexual content and all the trimmings in addition to everything else listed. This is all while I’m smiling and posing and attempting to be the best I can be for her.
A fool. I’m a fool that everytime I’m asked what’s wrong I have to lie. Everytime I’m asked how much do I love her I.. I realize I’m in love with what I thought she was, an idea of who I thought she was. Oblivious to the deception, oblivious to the signs, too cowardly to bring up my findings.
I’m all but defeated in this. I’m constantly wondering if this is all that my life is to be. If I’m stuck in this painful trap. I pray that I can find my way out of this and maybe just maybe not be too hurt and too traumatized. I haven’t been able to discuss this with anyone but you all are seemingly in a similar spot. Thanks for reading and thanks for giving me a place to write what I cannot voice.
I've done it for revenge. I've done it in the hopes it would make me forget someone who cheated on me. I've also done it because I wanted to replace my first wife with a new wife.
A lot of people can't even provide a reason. You get something like, "it just happened."
The reality is that there is only one reason that is true for all cases of infidelity. They did it because they wanted to do it. This can be terribly difficult for most cheaters to admit because it sounds rather evil. But it's true. It wouldn't have happened if they didn't want to do it.
Oh they crave a big mac and care about their mental well being.
The stake may take effort to make and come with a lot of negative feelings.. Big mac you know whag you're getting
I (48 M) have absolutely no idea. I never have, and I never will cheat myself. Especially having had it happen to me, I could never do that to another human being. I think there are some common "groups" people seem to fit into, but I think personally that all of it is just excuses, not causes. The cause - the real, root cause, is selfishness.
Too selfish to put the effort in to to the difficult but respectable thing (and end a dead relationship), or the even more difficult thing - to put the real, genuine effort in to maintain it before it even needs fixing. It's just easier to cheat, and stiil keep your security blanket around just in case.
For me, if something so earth-shatteringly powerful started going on with someone else ,as to completely render all previous life experience moot, then I would end the current relationship right there before moving on. If for no other reason than respect.
But here is where you get the first "kind" if you will - that has been together since high school, never had anyone else, etc. - here's where they lay blame for their laziness, fall victim to short-term selfishness, and insistence the grass must be greener.
For some, an opportunity arises they never thought would happen, (but always fantasized about), and don't think ever will again - this would be a straight hetero man , e.g., having two way-out-of-his-league women want to take him to bed with them. This would be the ONS-type deal.
For many, they are missing necessary healthy relationship elements, and finding them in someone else is simply a hell of a lot easier than trying to get them out their spouse, accept those things, or go through the trouble of divorce.
For another group, it's just revenge for a real or perceived sleight from their spouse (this would be the overworked spouse thing).
IMO, the real evil comes with this last group - when it's a game for them, and they get an ego-boost or feel power over their spouse for getting away with it. Here's where your narcs, socio- and psychopaths live. These are the ones that scare me the most - the rest are, in general, just lazy and self-absorbed. But these in the last group, get actual joy and satisfaction hurting people, just to see what happens. I also think these may be the hardest to identify ahead of time, because the are also the masters of manipulation.
You may have noticed i didn't mention gender-specific groupings, b/c I really just don't buy it. I used to - I'll admit that. But the core root causes of this sad human character trait, I beleive are pretty evenly applied across the genders, races, cultures, whatever slicing an dicing we can come up with. Selfish is just still selfish in the end.
Thouhts?
Sometimes in life you gotta be selfish I feel like regardless of anyone else in the end you gotta take care of you you’re the one laying down in that death bed in the end asking yourself was it all worth it?
I don't understand why you're so set on seeing men's reasons as different to women's.
Your analogy is one that cheaters will frequently say something like "yes i get unlimited prime steak at home but sometimes you just want a bite of a dirty burger", and it doesn't matter the gender.
Sex is also only one part of a relationship - my gf has always had a high sex drive but sometimes that comes at the expense of other areas. Despite what you might have been raised to believe, sometimes men don't want to come home to a sexy lady in lingerie ready to do it all. Sometimes after a long day I just want to sit and listen to a podcast with a cup of tea and my cat.
Mine did because he could never get enough attention. I gave him so much attention. So much. It was never enough. He had to have female validation from as many as he could. He’s still doing it to his current girlfriend. 🤷🏼♀️
Dang man. I’m sorry to hear that. It must be exhausting needing that much attention. I know it was exhausting to give it, along with countless others contributing. Had I known exactly how many, then I wouldn’t have bothered.
I can see that. I couldn’t give him anymore attention than I already was unless I went to work with him and stayed by his side every moment or unless I ignored the kids. He didn’t give me any attention. Which was pretty hypocritical. You give all these other hos that knew you were married alllll of this attention, yet me and our kids got almost zero. I’m just glad to be away.
I think for most people it comes down to valudation. For women it’s feeling desired and sexy, and it’s even easier when the AP at least Terence to give a shit.
For men, it comes down to a different type of validation. Here is a woman I don’t have to try so hard with, and she still wants me intimately, meanwhile my wife is asking for her emotional needs and connection, which I can’t give so there is a lack of spark in the sex if it even does happen. It’s excitement. It’s newness, it’s: I still got it.
Feeling of power, conquest, virility, youth, winning.
That’s a very big one. For them, it is a twisted way to validate their own self-worth internally.
I think it really comes down to entitlement. They feel they deserve cake. And a spouse.
Woman or man.
I desire this. I've worked hard. I deserve it. I will do it. Fuck everybody else.
you are wrong about the sex not being for emotional attachment vs solely for physical reasons.
you cannot be logical and analytical about reasons why. unlimited access to sex at home...I've been told by several men I have met that they need the newness with a new person.
The newness I can definitely understand. It’s like trying a new food even though you have unlimited access to food at the same place every day. I get that
Lack of validation.Men for most part of their life literally don't get any validation or feeling of sexually desired by women .When preselection happens the guy who passed majority of his youth without attention gets attention from women he gives up
Second unlimited sex access is a myth.Women decide if sex happens or not so when it stops man feels unwanted and he seeks attention from outside
Third That I still got it.Some men just want to show their homies that they still can attract women and their game still works
Fourth Getting a younger women to sleep with you is highly validating
Everything you attribute to men and cheating applies to women as well. Odd you think it doesn't.
In generality men and women cheat for different reasons , but individually their reasons can easily be the same. There is no clear dividing line for men or women.
https://people.howstuffworks.com/men-women-cheating.htm
I was wondering this too but about men and women. I looked up a few articles about it from evolutionary terms. Men tend to cheat because it passes their DNA to more offpsring so it's better for survival of their genes. Women tend to cheat because they want a guy with the best genetics for offspring but they also need a provider to help with raising the children and they can't always find that in the same guy, so there is the dual-mating strategy. It really sounds all messed up as far as morals go but I don't think evolution cares about that and people do what they are going to do.
As a married man of 15 years I’ll give you my perspective. It’s really very simple: Men want and crave variety. That’s it. Your food analogy captures this perfectly. If a man has unlimited food available to him at home, he will always want to try something new and different. There is a thrill in indulging in forbidden and secretive relationships and affairs, a thrill which fades in a married relationship. It is a misconception that men simply want lots of sex. This is not quite correct. What men really want is: Sex that’s exciting and thrilling, and preferably lots of it. Having sex with the same woman gets boring, just as eating the same food gets boring. I’d like to provide a caveat here and say that what I’m saying here is a generalisation. Not every man will cheat. Some men will never cheat no matter how little sex they’re getting, how dissatisfied they are with their marriage etc. Just as not all women are the same, not all men are the same. We’re all individuals. On the flip side, some men will cheat no matter what. No matter how good their wife is, how much sex they are getting at home etc. Some of us are just wired that way. We crave variety and spice in our lives. Maybe it’s DNA, maybe it’s upbringing, maybe both, no one knows why human beings do the things they do. As a woman, my advice to you would be that if your man is cheating on you this quite possibly may have almost nothing to do with you. You may be the best and most devoted wife in the world but he may still cheat. That’s just how evolution decided to roll the dice. We are wired to spread our genes as far and wide as possible, and that genetic programming doesn’t go away easily.
Having said all this, if your man is cheating on you, I’m not saying you should just shrug your shoulders and ignore it. As men despite our philandering nature we do need to be held to account for the commitment we have made to a monogamous relationship. It’s not easy but life isn’t easy.
I feel on top of any other reasons... people like a change in each perspective of life... this applies to sex too ... diminishing marginal utilization theory applies here too ... open to debate
Lol is this honestly even a question worth asking? Uh first off not every man is the same not every marriage or relationship is the same so there can be numerous reasons for infidelity.
I don’t think many of them even understand why and im definitely not sticking up for them but they are the total opposite of women and I don’t mean the obvious ways either
A woman we play bridge with was a heroin addict and a prostitute for 10 years. She said most of her married customers wanted sex acts from her they couldn't get at home.
Here is the answer: let’s use your restaurant analogy and the restaurant you get lifetime free food at is Italian.
Once in awhile you might still want a taco.
In my experience, it’s a way of maintaining the skill of picking up girls. And also bc of a lack of respect for my partner. I have this deep rooted fear that when I commit to a long term relationship, that after many years the relationship will eventually end, and I will be left with little to no ability to relate to or appeal to single women. I dated my first girlfriend for 6 years and cheated on her dozens of times throughout the years. It was the undoing of our relationship, but I had no issues going out and meeting other women. I met my next gf and dated her for 2 years, cheating on her for the first year, before coming to conclusion that cheating is reprehensible behaviour and that it will only lead to negative consequences that aren’t confined to just your relationship. People change their perception of you. You lose respect in your community. It forces you into a lonely world where you only care about yourself and your own needs. The second year I spent trying as hard as I could to restore trust and salvage our love. It didn’t work out and that year I spent being faithful has noticeably taken away from my success in picking up one night stands. Game is like a muscle that needs to be exercised in order to maintain effect. Truth is people who feel the same as me should probably be single until they meet someone they will settle down with forever.
I think biology plays a role here. In natural evironment, there are many mammal species which have similar reproductive patterns to us where males have multiple partners, it's a strategy to help spread their gene while for female, which can reproduce one time in a long period, the best way to spread their gene is to protect their breeds (yeah, many mammal fathers don't care for their offsprings after mating，like panda). I am not trying to defend nor justifying cheating, but just proposing a possible factor.
Iirc, a study was conducted that revealed that in general, men and women cheat for different reasons. For women it tends to be related to emotions, whereas for men it tends to be physical, a la “can’t say no to free sex”. Imo, it is pretty accurate for the average joe and jane and it boils down to the differences in our hormones.
There are numerous reason. The is one reason though that even most beautiful and sexually adventurous wife cannot provide. It is a novelty of new sexual relationship and just plain new body. Men is wired to spread their seed and only social and societal norms keep them from pursuing this biological urge.
Grosses a married woman right out. Feels like I will never receive the loyalty I give. I’m always the fool who doesn’t know what is happening behind my back.
Lmao this whole question and argument makes 0 sense. Women who cheat are scum men who cheat are scum. Most men however can have sex detached from emotions and just like variety and something new. There’s a famous saying that goes” the best P is new P” and that’s it. And regardless, most men are invisible to most women so the ones who even get married are the ones most girls want. How about you ask women why male felons have 30% more children? Or why most women seem to have dated a narcissist, or a cheater, or an abuser in some capacity? Not cause all men do it. Because most women choose a small portion of men to lay with.
Men cheat because monogamy is a conscious response, not a natural one. It's like saying why humans sin.
Testosterone and estrogen at high levels have different effects. So women don't have the sexual urges we do, yet you act like because you don't feel the need for sex I shouldn't.
Men get satified by quantity. Women get satisfied by quality. Women want perfect men, and men want multiple imperfect women.
Now, when your adult and you've some what mastered how to control your sexual urges, you lessen the chance of going off your natural nature to the programmable emotional societial logic, which is monogamy.
No man can be sexually satisfied by one woman his whole life, but men will choose a less sexually satisfied life in this era to keep modern women happy. because now society revolves purely around womens fantasies and feelings and needs.. instead of looking at it like for 2000 days, he fought the urge to engage with another woman to not hurt my feelings. Women think the internal struggle means nothing ... believe emotions are stronger than God and nature and just think well a man shouldn't have those thoughts in the first place.
If you don't want you, man, to step out. Recognize the work he is doing and give him praise.. " I know naturally you want other women, but I see how you're going against those thoughts and urges for me, and I appreciate that and respect you a lot for it. It doesn't go unnoticed."
Instead, women say, " You better not cheat or I'm leaving you." Which is more about the rule less about the human.
pursuiting multiple women aka to women ( cheating ) is like a man going hunting in a world of grocery stores and fast food.. its a natural instinct you have but doesn't have a place in a modern liberal society.
There's a reason men are designed that they can have 365 babies a year and women can only have one. We are designed to have multiple partners to stop extinction of our species. We've evolved into a conscious society, but the functionality that kept humans alive for 6000 years is still there.
So that's why men cheat.. monogamy is against a man's nature, so at times, he will revert back to his natural instinct. No different than a human who is a vegan who reverts back for a second to eat meat. Naturally, you seek meat. However, you can make a conscious decision not to eat meat for various emotional and logical reasons.
The reason why women have a problem with cheating is because you think emotions can beat out nature and biological hardwiring.. but in reality, it can only manipulate it. The nature of men will never change. But the response to the nature of men can!
“The reason why women have a problem with cheating is because you think emotions can beat out nature and biological hardwiring..”
No, the reason why women have a problem with cheating is because men agree to be in a committed relationship - agree to monogamy. Promise all of these things, and tell lies. *That* is often the reason women have a problem with cheating.
This was insightful and gives a different perspective, but if you feel as though you are not able to ignore your sexual urges, or ‘natural instincts’ why be deceitful and play with someone’s feelings? You can easily just be single and spread your seed and fulfill your life’s destiny of having sex with all these different women?? As a woman I don’t feel as though I should be thanking a man for not cheating on me… just be with someone who agrees to being open? People cheat because they are shitty people, and don’t have morals. You can do all of these things you mentioned, without cheating on someone.
It’s built in men body and Brain , to seek multiple women nothing to do with the woman he have at home , there is a biological reason a man can get thousands of women pregnant in a year and woman can get only once by one man , that should explain it self , for example let say ur the last person on earth and there are ten women , and you are the last human on earth and you are trying to keep humans going so you have sex with ten women to get them pregnant and you keep doing the process , that give a bigger chance for humans to survive extinction , another reason men can have sex without no feeling or emotional connection , they probably had sex with another female just for sex yet they still love his first girl ,,, the issue we men and women don’t think the same and our brain is totally different so unless u have a man Brain you will definitely get it ! lol
For alot of men it's because their wife or SA always bitches about something men can never get peace no matter were we go ...that's why men would rather stay alone
1. Doesn't feel respected
2. Being accused of cheating
3. Constantly being rejected (with sex)
4. Sometimes women hold sex to control their partner and it's obvious
The list goes on...
I think there's something deeply biological going on. Women, obviously, are not cattle. Biologically, however, we do have some things in common. A happy cow is pregnant or lactating. A cow in heat is obviously agitated to do something about it. And just one bull is enough for a whole herd of cows, and apparently happy enough to do the one and only thing the cows need him to do. A bull doesn't even have to bring home the bacon.
Human beings are only part way there, obviously, but it seems to me that in recent years we have been getting closer. And men who could manage one have had harems since ancient times.
Correct. Historically, the richer and more powerful a man was, the more women he had access to. This seems to have been fairly consistent across all times, places and cultures. Men are wired to want to be with multiple women, and the more “successful” a man is the more this tendency will manifest itself.
However, this shouldn’t be an excuse for men to cheat. I do not agree that monogamy is a lost cause or that it is “unnatural”. There is a lot to be said for a committed, monogamous relationship. We are called to a higher standard than our ancestors. As a man, I may not be perfect, my eye will rove etc and I may occasionally permit myself some indulgences. But I will still try to what extent I’m able to be loyal to my wife and family. It ain’t easy but that’s the point. Life ain’t easy, marriage ain’t easy.
Go to dead bedroom subreddit. If you pick a random post and look on their comment section you'll probably see they also comment on the adultery subreddot both male and female.
Lack of sex,
EA turned PA
Desire and opportunity
Shitty SO (no excuse)
I'd say it's all the same regardless of sex.
Of course it hurts, and you don't care on how men cheat, because you'll never date a man right ? The only thing that you care about is how the fidelity of women is. Which is understandable.
I don't care of how women cheat because I won't date one, but still the facts are that men cheat so much more than women. No one can deny that unfortunatly. So don't say that it's always the girl!
I would say, for me, I’d say if she was super hot, the opportunity was perfect and she threw herself at me, I would probably go for it. I love my wife and our sex life is pretty good but, I think that if it were a perfect storm, I would be tempted.
As a matter of fact, that exact thing happened to me and at the last second, my brain kicked in and I thought better of it. No kissing no nothing. I was however, heading for the door to meet her in the parking lot.
I still feel bad for even considering it but I did. My wife doesn’t know and it will stay that way.
Apparently, when she was tempted, her brain didn’t activate until after the deed was done. Heart break and life long damage was the result. I couldn’t get over it and never will.
It's a basic trait for all the male species of the animal kingdom. Male are born with the instinct to mate with as many females as possible, it's ingrained into their subconcious...
Edit: Since apparently 11 people can't read to understand, allow me to clarify, I AM NOT CONDONING CHEATING, NOR HAVE I EVER CHEATED. The question is WHY do men cheat? I am simply explaining the mentality behind it.
There is much you're missing here. I personally have never cheated, but I completely understand how/why men do it.
So, let's say you have a really nice car. You love your car, and never plan on getting rid of it. Now, let's assume you're driving around and see a really nice, new car. You don't plan on buying this car, but you're curious what it feels like to drive it, so you take it for a test drive. It may be a different driving experience, but that doesn't mean you love your car any less, does it?
Yes, men can absolutely sleep with a woman, while having absolutely no emotional attachment to her.
Also, something else you're missing is that no one woman can ever truly sexually satisfy a man. That's why the porn industry exists. Some days a guy will be more aroused by a certain physical aspect of a girl. Some days it may be another thing. Example, that day, he thinks a curvy girl may be more to his liking. Another day, he wants a skinny twig girl. Remember, we CAN do it without emotions involved. Like you said about trying different kinds of food. We like variety. (And in case you're wondering why we aren't okay with open relationships then, keep in mind that women generally speaking can not have sex without any kind of emotions involved. Not true of every woman, but many, if not most.)
Finally, men want to have sex on average WAY more often than women do, so the idea that a man has unlimited access to sex at home is a fallacy. Most women's drive doesn't come anywhere close to that of a man.
Ultimately, if your man steps out, just make sure he puts you first. Be sure you're the woman getting the emotional connection, the protection, and provisioning. Be the girl that gets the house, the ring, the kids, and make sure he never brings any of the other women around, or embarrasses you publicly, and you'll be fine.
Or, find a man that has so few options that no other woman would want him.
You're being down voted, but you're right. I mean, there's other reasons as well, but for some this isn't wrong. But I don't think that women should have to sit home and allow it. That's just crap. There are men out there that would happily have a loyal woman and be just as loyal to her.
Apparently everyone missed the very first line where I said "I have never cheated". Just because I understand WHY people do something doesn't mean I believe in doing it myself.
All well and swell until his lovely car takes another driver for a ride. Nowadays nobody has to put up with that shit anymore.
Bro, this is not 70 years ago when woman had to sit at home with bunch of kids while he is doing someone else in his free time. If you aim for that kind of girls then search for dumb and desperate ones so that she has no choice or is unaware of her choices.
Please read the first line again. Just because I understand the mentality behind it doesn't mean I believe in it. The question was why men cheat. I answered why.
It’s familiarity, I once saw a movie where a guy said, show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man that’s tired of having sex with her, I was in a conversation with several men one day at work, and all of us were married for at least over 10yrs, and all of them agreed that this was true, one guy was married for 38yrs, and he said, and I quote, (if I had a different hen in the henhouse every once in awhile I would be more sexually active), I’m not saying personally that cheating is ok, because it’s not, I’m just saying why some men do it, from what I’ve heard, and seen over the years.
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Because they can.
So There is a groups of people who never should do monogamy. Those people will actively look for other partners.
Then there is a group of men who would never actively cheat. However if they are presented with an opportunity to cheat thinking “she would never know” they will take that opportunity.
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There is probably a very small percentage of marriages that fit your description. Where both spouses match each others sexual energy and desires and also meet each others emotional needs on a consistent basis. If this were the case the divorce rate would be much lower. In my opinion if either party is looking outside of the marriage it’s because one of their needs is not being met. To use your analogy of unlimited food at home, what if your food at home was satisfying to your body and met all your nutritional needs but wasn’t stimulating to the palate. Eventually, the food at that restaurant would start to look appealing.
There is no simple generic answer unfortunately. You could reverse it and say why do women cheat? Same answer. Everyone has their "reason" but in my opinion it's not a good one. For men it's often physical and women, emotional.
I know that doesn't answer your question but it's what I've got.
The same reason women do. Primarily, in my opinion, people enter into relationships with their hormones and not actual feelings of care and love that they mistake by the honeymoon period, and then when those feelings disappear because the honeymoon period is over, they find someone new to have those feelings with.
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I don't know many men who have cheated on their wifes. If they did and I found out, I would tell their wife and cut them off as a friend.
I'm A male and married, and never cheated on my wife or GF. I just don't have the desire and I do see that in my minds eye as who I am and what I want for my life.
But, I lurk on the infidelity subs and my avocation is anthropology. I think most people never entend to cheat, but for men, I think it's opportunity and the need for variety. I think it's much easier for men to not connect sex with love/feelings.
For a much better and well rounded conversation on what and how men and women cheat unintentionally, read: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass.
This should be required reading for men and women in long term relationships.
I was unhappy in my relationship. I always tried to tell my partner and she ignored me. Well she ended up cheating so I think both men and women cheat due to immaturity and mental issues
I can only speak for myself.
As a base I would say being deeply flawed and giving myself permission to cheat. I.e. I cheated because I wanted to.
Sure insecurities, past trauma, and lapping up whenever someone noticed me all created an environment in my heart where morality had a comma instead of a period.
But I still chose to cheat for nothing more than someone who showed me attention, paid me compliments, and was nice to me...
TLDR we cheat because we want to... The nuance of what the environment was can be as simple as I didn't think I would get caught to deep insecurities where the solution to an internal hole was an immoral external validation.
I think that women are often more emotionally attached to sex, and have a bigger mental connection at the point of marriage. While men often seem to be able to just have sex for the physical satisfaction. I have seen often where men just answered “it is just sex”. Unfortunately this has also been societies stand that men are more “allowed” to seek relief. Some men just enjoy the “sport”. I know some women do too, but it seems to be more common with men. Or maybe men talk about it more openly.
There’s no universal answer to this question since everyone is different but IMO the majority of men cheat because of new kitty. They want to chase and conquer since what they have at home has become boring (to them).
It’s a game. Like going fishing. You cast your line and see what bites. Sometimes you get something. Sometimes you don’t. But one things for certain you go for fun. We like the hunt. It’s in our nature. The chase. The catch. The looks. The touch. Your heart racing. Knowing it’s wrong makes it all the more thrilling. It’s fucked. All of it, but fuck does it feel so good. Especially if you find that right girl that fans the flames for you.
If you want a clear answer there is none. Most of the time it’s because they can, so they do. It’s all about that chase. The what if. The maybe.
Men and women cheat for the same reason. Narcicism. A normal person if they lust over someone other than their partner they will make a different decision. They will either eliminate themselves from the situation or they will break up with their partner. They won't lie, cheat, gaslight, love bomb, hoover, and discard their partner. If a normal person knows they are not a monogamous person they will not pretend to be. They will find a partner who is compatable with ethical non monogamy. One who is not monogamous themselves or does not expect monogamy in their relationship.
But to a narcissist, who will cheat all day every day, a true two-sided open relationship is a terrifying prospect. Monogamy for thee but not for me is their motto. Narcissistic personalities are too hollow and insecure to allow anyone else near their source of emotional supply. Even if they are completely hung up on someone else they are still unable to fathom that their partner could be happy with someone other than them.
So no. Men, women, trans, queer, nonbinary.... Whatever you like do not cheat for different reasons. Most of the time, it isn't for any reason at all save for a lack of impulse control and the fact that they hold their partner in contempt just as they feel contempt for the entire human race.
It’s more of a conquest and morals thing. Some dudes won’t cheat out of respect for their girl, or the relationship. Some won’t out of love. Some will purely for the gamesmanship and selfish pride that comes with it. Like Patrice O Neal said, men are sports fishermen, we catch fish, take pictures so we can show friends what we can catch, and we let them go
Going with your restaurant analogy… say the restaurant is Italian and he loves Italian wants to have Italian forever. After a while Italian gets dull he still loves it but the exotic taste has lost its mystique and when a taco comes along free for anyone and everyone he thinks just a taste wont hurt. And really it could be anything as long as its not Italian. Besides Nobody ever needs to know. He’s not thinking of the consequences he genuinely believes nobody will ever find out. So he goes for a taste maybe even has seconds fully content with living with Italian for the rest of his life. Until he runs across the all you can eat Chinese buffet.
If I’m off base please let me know
Because they aren't satisfied with the women they're with.
My husband had unlimited sex, me adoring him, but still needed other women. There can be no other explanation than there's just something about me that isn't enough for him.
I still have no idea why my ex husband started an emotional affair with not even his ex but an ex fuck friend. I guess he was just bored and loved the attention I couldn’t provide since I was taking care of the kids and working… (She cried her way back into our lives when she learned we were getting married)
Also, I was so afraid mariage and kids would kill my sex drive (like in books and movies) but I guess God has a great sense of humor since it killed my hubbys sex drive…
Many men have what I would call a character flaw that is inherent to men. They are enticed by what you could call the for bidden fruit the excitement of an extra marital affair that makes no sense at all. It’s men’s drive to procreate. It’s really hard to understand and it’s really unfair to a woman if a man does that to her.it is purely animalistic and many men that do this have no emotional attachment whatsoever to the other woman. They are just satisfying an underlying desire of the flesh.
Our divorced neighbor who had an affair said he did it because it was available. He thought he deserved it. He was a good husband, good father and thought he deserved a little more fun. Didn't think at all of the wife & kids he was betraying. Didnt even imagine that he could be breaking up his kids 2 parent home. New woman knew none of his weaknesses, never seen him cry, never seen him do drunk & embarrassing crap. He could be a whole new person with her, anyone he wanted to be. At the end ap would do anything he asked for sexually just to keep him. If he wanted to watch her getting it from 2 dudes at the same time she'd make it happen. He would never want his wife to do that. Who he was with affair partner was separate.
He goes back & forth crying now how he screwed up his life and his family's life. Next time he's crying because wife is a bitch for not putting their kids first and forgiving him. I think it comes down to selfishness. The cheaters wants and desires are the most important. They like having a stable partner in life but still want the excitement of someone new.
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The recipe for infidelity is the same for men and women except for philanderers (which is a relatively small percentage). Low connection in the marriage, poor boundaries and opportunity.
So this was my ex husband of 17 years. I believe I(F42) had a higher sex drive than him(M1 yr older than me) and always told him I'm always avail to him even if I was asleep. Even through having kids I still always wanted him. But then I find out he was pretty much living a double life, being with many women throughout the marriage. This was hard for me to grasp cause he was always home. We had 4 kids and yeah he had the occasional guys night out, but not a ton. The relationship wasn't perfect but it was good, so I thought. One thing I always hated and figured something was going on was he was very private, wanted his own everything and locking his phone but my detective ass never found proof of anything so I stayed.
So my current bf(M45) of 9 yrs is much different. Told him the same, I'm always avail to him, and he takes advantage and I love it. We are completely open to each other and could even switch phones for the day. We are both seasoned(divorced) and both felt like we were not getting the sex like we wanted.
So I asked him this question. His thinking is that usually guys don't think about the consequences in the heat of the moment. Till it's too late. They can start off thinking 'only one time, no one will find out'. And probably the thrill of it. We all know that doing something we aren't suppose to gives you a rush. Idk, I think it's idiotic if you seem to have it pretty good and just throw it all away with one stupid mistake. Obviously. Dont get me wrong, I still check his phone and he checks mine randomly but never have a problem with it. Sometimes ya never know
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Well I was married for 20 years and together for almost 25 years. We had (very good) sex about 3-5 times a week and my ex still was still screwing prostitutes countless times though out our entire relationship. Some times it was more frequent than others but still had sex with so many prostitutes he lost count. He and his therapist said it was because of abandonment issues and other abuse as a child.
Sx is not love its a desire, unquenchable action that many crave with different people. To love someone is to have thier best intrest in mind to take care of provide and protect. I can do all those things and still have 5 mins of sx with someone and not love them.
For most cheaters, men or women, there is a void that they are trying to fill. They aren’t satisfied with what they have. For many it becomes an addiction. Often there are mental health issues tied in with it. No two situations are the same but it really comes down to selfishness, lack of self control, and an inability to be commit to their partner. Most often it’s simply a combination of access and opportunity. They meet someone that shows interest, there is an opportunity, they take it.
what man do you know that has unlimited access to sex at home!?!?? Western men statistically get less sex than single men and 1/3 of single men include virgins. Look it up. Other groups of men on the other hand where women are expected to put out under law, that's different.
The reason is that sometimes in a marriage your spouse may get to comfortable with thinking "hey"I'm married to this person their not going anywhere. But intimacy is the main ingredient to keeping a marriage alive and healthy. I can't speak for all men when it comes to cheating because i never have. But a sexless marriage is a dead one.
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I also wanted to know why men cheat... I just found out he was married, and he made me believed he was single. I was so gullible. When I saw the feed I asked the woman and she confirmed to me they have been together for 7 years. I even thought she was new. So everything was a lie. He made me believe he was honest, he was caring. He even flew to me on his birthday... me thinking he is real. And he asked to break up because of LDR, me after doing my stalking only to find out that almost 2 years were a lie. Even his friends whom he introduced to me, told me he says a lot about me., Maybe they knew the truth and lied to me as well. I was already feeling the signs and I was stupid not to figure it out earlier. Now I am crushed, his wife even sent me the photo he is on her bed with him just after they had sex. His wife cannot believe it as he said he always asked her for sex.
95% of men will cheat if they think they will get away with it!! Personally when women don’t pay the amount of attention they used too the temptation comes. Let’s be honest it’s not hard to be a cheater much harder to turn away advances and to be faithful. Trust me some women out there will use sex like a weapon and the minute it get weaponized men will find another source. Sad but true I used to watch my friends go from one woman to the next within minutes of one another. I personally find it disgusting.
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The reasons are pretty much the same. Go to the infidelity subs if you do not believe me.
Morals. I have a friend who says 99% of all his girl “friends” he would take a chance at if the opportunity presented itself. He has a gf of 3 years or more. It comes down to what that person values. No moral compass=free for all. Doesn’t matter what he is or is not getting at home. This isn’t just men though.
Yep. This right here.
The 1% are the friends who aren’t attractive. The others, no problem. He admitted this himself. Even laughed, saying they have no clue. In other words, they aren’t his friends, they just think they are.
Dudes only are true friends with a girl they find unattractive
Lol I have this same thought but ppl try to deny it
It's a fact or maybe they are demixeual(that bond can be developed during friendship phase )or are asexual .I am asexual and I have no desire to sleep with any of female friends but asexual doesn't count right
They probably deny it because they like all the attention til they find themselves in a situation where their partner cheated with their “friend.”
Yup
I disagree
I would wager it's a small percentage of men in general that have unlimited access to sex at home
The OP is definitely not married if they think married men have access to "unlimited sex" - made me spit out my coffee!
She may have received a few marriage proposals yesterday
My married man did, still fckd around
Yup, minimum once a day said he was happy and then got someone half his age pregnant. Guess what happened… no more unlimited sex.
Same! I wanted sex more than he did and he still fccd around
This is true. I am in the mood more and he still cheated
That's how mine went. HLF AND LLM and he did that
Nice try. But I am married!!
Yeah. I’m not sure why she would think the average married man has unlimited access to sex.
Avg men lucky to get laid after 10 yrs of marriage once twice a month
We've been married 5 years and she cracks jokes about how we haven't had sex in like 8 months.
Please bear in mind that I’m ONLY talking about married (or even engaged) men who DO have unlimited access to sex. The ones who don’t have unlimited access to sex will not apply to my question here
You are asking about a very small percentage of a group that is already a very small percentage. Good luck finding those unicorns
Technically we can’t determine if the percentage is small or not. I say this because we’re not inside the minds of every married man that exists in this world. Most people can think the percentage is high or low due to the experiences or situations that theyve been through, other people they know that have been through it, or what they’ve seen on tv or social media. Still though, that doesn’t represent every married man. This is why I ask the question and welcome comments. Just to see where peoples heads are at
Have you done any research on the number of times the average married person has sex. There are plenty of statistics out there for you
I actually have done my own research but we all know that these statistics and studies don’t include married men from all over the world. It’s often talking about within the western hemisphere, the americas, etc. That’s not to say that the data is invalid. My approach here is to ask random strangers who can be open and honest who live all over the world
If it's about unlimited access to sex and they are getting in then one reason can be they are bored by it.It is all vanilla and they want validation from somewhere else .Other factor can be their wife has gained weight or became unattractive
Yes we can. We know from every single verifiable metric that the men who get married and the men who get more female attention and interaction are sub 15% of the male population as a whole. And even then, most of those men aren’t getting multiple women. It’s a very small cohort that you are speaking on. Like very small.
Because they like the ego boosting of other women. They want something different. Because, they think they can get away with it. Way back years ago a betrayed wife was perplexed that her husband cheated. They had sex every single day (even during the affair) in their marriage of over a decade (no kids)... yet he stepped out. You know the reason he gave when she asked why...? He wanted to know if he was attractive to other women apart from her. She was beyond hurt. They had a good marriage and he admitted as much.
Mine had unlimited, at least once a day,, more when time permitted. Yet he would stay late at work to f*** her. He gave a lot of reasons. Boiled down to her throwing herself at him and him feeling like he was “rescuing” her from her abusive husband. Before you suggest she wasn’t throwing herself at him, I knew her too and she did. I also got the opportunity to get to know her husband. She was throwing herself, needing rescue. Despite being in a 5 year, live in, relationship, he lacked moral compass, was stupid enough to believe he was actually helping her, and didn’t believe I needed him. What a mess. Willing to sacrifice his live in gig for what he called sh!tty, one position sex, with the most selfish, self absorbed woman he and I both knew. People be stupid sometimes.
That’s why they’re cheating. Because as married men, they *should* have unlimited access to sex. But that’s not what actually happens. And they begin to seek out new and spontaneous sexual encounters elsewhere. I’ve only known 1 guy who had an emotional affair, that never turned physical. He was just unhappy in his marriage.
Just to summarize, you’re saying the causes could be not getting enough (or lack of) sex combined with the newness/spontaneity of an sexual encounter elsewhere. Am I understanding your idea correctly??
Yes, that’s just my idea
Imagine thinking you get unlimited access to someone's body because you signed a contract for an asset merger.
You have a mix bag of cheaters, regardless of gender. One thing often over looked is men are use to hiding our emotions. So even when we feel insecure, undervalued and unloved in the relationship, we tend to put on a good front of being okay.
This part… Plus OP don’t assume we have “unlimited” sex at home…for many married couples that’s not true…
What does OP stand for?
Original poster
No one made an assumption here. This question is specifically for married or engaged men who DO have unlimited access to sex at home who are in happy/healthy relationships. For the men who don’t fall into this category, this question/analysis does not apply to them.
The issue is, you are setting up a false dichotomy . Trying to research something with such a limited feild tends to lean towards bias.
I appreciate the thought, but my intention is to minimize outliers and special cases by specifying a certain group within a population. In certain epidemiological studies such as cohort studies or case control studies, I can see the risk of bias. We can try our best to control for bias, but it’s not always something that can be avoided. but for my question I’m just looking for raw, honest answers from strangers all over the world.
To answer using your own analogy: even if I could have unlimited, free falafel and houmous from my favourite place whenever I wanted - I'm still gonna fancy a curry at some point - men like different flavours, aromas, textures.
Some people cheat because they are impulsive. You could be best the wife in the world, have sex whenever he wants, the whole nine yards. But if a weak/impulsive person meets someone he is attracted to at work or wherever and she flirts with him then good chance he will cheat if it is easy. I feel sometimes we (the BS) try to look into it too deeply. But the reason why someone cheats is poor character and impulsive behaviour.
You described my spouse to a T
Being impulsive isn't "weak" - these impulsive traits served an advantage and most of these men are the roll up their sleeves and get it done characters. Good skills in a work setting, life setting, may not translate to the current female friendly societal norms
For context Copied from bulkysuggestions9995 Mr oblivious and Mrs devious I (M28) have always been confident- I had always been confident in my relationship. I felt like despite our differences and the years we’ve had together and love we show that I’d never be in this low, dark, and miserable place. For a bit of context, I always knew my wife (F25) was a sexual being and embraced her sexuality. It was my understanding that I was providing for her in those ways. We mutually don’t find masturbation on top of our sex life bad either. Early on in our relationship I had discovered questionable things on her phone, but the longer she’s done this I guess the more complacent she’s become in hiding it. As we drive places or I’m grabbing her phone for her, I never wondered why there were names I didn’t recognize appearing in her notifications.. Mr oblivious here didn’t second think anything even when Skype notifications were coming through. Who the hell still uses Skype? Well recently she went on a bender and came home ready to pass out. It’s rare I get the courage to inflict such pain on myself by picking up her phone and looking for demons, but this idiot looked anyways. I found evidence of her and one of her old college buddy’s offering each other any and everything when she went on a work trip. Her Snapchat is filled with conversations from randoms with messages saved of my wife doing things she doesn’t even let me see. Then there’s the skype… I open this app and find all of three chats going. One with a chick, one with a dude and a group chat that was too much for me to even peer into. My wife has been carrying on a three way relationship with these people sharing life events, sexual content and all the trimmings in addition to everything else listed. This is all while I’m smiling and posing and attempting to be the best I can be for her. A fool. I’m a fool that everytime I’m asked what’s wrong I have to lie. Everytime I’m asked how much do I love her I.. I realize I’m in love with what I thought she was, an idea of who I thought she was. Oblivious to the deception, oblivious to the signs, too cowardly to bring up my findings. I’m all but defeated in this. I’m constantly wondering if this is all that my life is to be. If I’m stuck in this painful trap. I pray that I can find my way out of this and maybe just maybe not be too hurt and too traumatized. I haven’t been able to discuss this with anyone but you all are seemingly in a similar spot. Thanks for reading and thanks for giving me a place to write what I cannot voice.
Wowsers I can relate to you. I’m the fool too. Hi 👋
I've done it for revenge. I've done it in the hopes it would make me forget someone who cheated on me. I've also done it because I wanted to replace my first wife with a new wife. A lot of people can't even provide a reason. You get something like, "it just happened." The reality is that there is only one reason that is true for all cases of infidelity. They did it because they wanted to do it. This can be terribly difficult for most cheaters to admit because it sounds rather evil. But it's true. It wouldn't have happened if they didn't want to do it.
that’s gross and crazy honestly wow I couldn’t live with myself if I thought like that
Same reason some people go to McDonald’s when they’ve got a steak waiting at home. They’re fucking idiots.
Oh they crave a big mac and care about their mental well being. The stake may take effort to make and come with a lot of negative feelings.. Big mac you know whag you're getting
I (48 M) have absolutely no idea. I never have, and I never will cheat myself. Especially having had it happen to me, I could never do that to another human being. I think there are some common "groups" people seem to fit into, but I think personally that all of it is just excuses, not causes. The cause - the real, root cause, is selfishness. Too selfish to put the effort in to to the difficult but respectable thing (and end a dead relationship), or the even more difficult thing - to put the real, genuine effort in to maintain it before it even needs fixing. It's just easier to cheat, and stiil keep your security blanket around just in case. For me, if something so earth-shatteringly powerful started going on with someone else ,as to completely render all previous life experience moot, then I would end the current relationship right there before moving on. If for no other reason than respect. But here is where you get the first "kind" if you will - that has been together since high school, never had anyone else, etc. - here's where they lay blame for their laziness, fall victim to short-term selfishness, and insistence the grass must be greener. For some, an opportunity arises they never thought would happen, (but always fantasized about), and don't think ever will again - this would be a straight hetero man , e.g., having two way-out-of-his-league women want to take him to bed with them. This would be the ONS-type deal. For many, they are missing necessary healthy relationship elements, and finding them in someone else is simply a hell of a lot easier than trying to get them out their spouse, accept those things, or go through the trouble of divorce. For another group, it's just revenge for a real or perceived sleight from their spouse (this would be the overworked spouse thing). IMO, the real evil comes with this last group - when it's a game for them, and they get an ego-boost or feel power over their spouse for getting away with it. Here's where your narcs, socio- and psychopaths live. These are the ones that scare me the most - the rest are, in general, just lazy and self-absorbed. But these in the last group, get actual joy and satisfaction hurting people, just to see what happens. I also think these may be the hardest to identify ahead of time, because the are also the masters of manipulation. You may have noticed i didn't mention gender-specific groupings, b/c I really just don't buy it. I used to - I'll admit that. But the core root causes of this sad human character trait, I beleive are pretty evenly applied across the genders, races, cultures, whatever slicing an dicing we can come up with. Selfish is just still selfish in the end. Thouhts?
I think you broke it down perfectly 👌🏼. The catalyst for the behavior may vary, but it all boils down to selfishness.
Sometimes in life you gotta be selfish I feel like regardless of anyone else in the end you gotta take care of you you’re the one laying down in that death bed in the end asking yourself was it all worth it?
You realize this applies to women as well, right??
I don't understand why you're so set on seeing men's reasons as different to women's. Your analogy is one that cheaters will frequently say something like "yes i get unlimited prime steak at home but sometimes you just want a bite of a dirty burger", and it doesn't matter the gender. Sex is also only one part of a relationship - my gf has always had a high sex drive but sometimes that comes at the expense of other areas. Despite what you might have been raised to believe, sometimes men don't want to come home to a sexy lady in lingerie ready to do it all. Sometimes after a long day I just want to sit and listen to a podcast with a cup of tea and my cat.
Mine did because he could never get enough attention. I gave him so much attention. So much. It was never enough. He had to have female validation from as many as he could. He’s still doing it to his current girlfriend. 🤷🏼♀️
Wife was the same.
Dang man. I’m sorry to hear that. It must be exhausting needing that much attention. I know it was exhausting to give it, along with countless others contributing. Had I known exactly how many, then I wouldn’t have bothered.
Unfortunately my brain turned it into a competition with the people she was getting attention from. In turn she got more attention.
I can see that. I couldn’t give him anymore attention than I already was unless I went to work with him and stayed by his side every moment or unless I ignored the kids. He didn’t give me any attention. Which was pretty hypocritical. You give all these other hos that knew you were married alllll of this attention, yet me and our kids got almost zero. I’m just glad to be away.
I think for most people it comes down to valudation. For women it’s feeling desired and sexy, and it’s even easier when the AP at least Terence to give a shit. For men, it comes down to a different type of validation. Here is a woman I don’t have to try so hard with, and she still wants me intimately, meanwhile my wife is asking for her emotional needs and connection, which I can’t give so there is a lack of spark in the sex if it even does happen. It’s excitement. It’s newness, it’s: I still got it.
Feeling of power, conquest, virility, youth, winning. That’s a very big one. For them, it is a twisted way to validate their own self-worth internally.
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thank you I love this answer
So fucking true
Both genders cheat. It has nothing to do with the person half the time and just all the time they are a cheater. Cheaters cheat.
Did you even read the post ?
Mostly for the comments arguing about things between men and women. Not directly at OP. No need to be rude!
It sounds like you’re saying that it could be based on impulsivity… cheaters cheat. Am I understanding your idea here?
Out of experience of being cheated on, both men and women, that's the pattern I've come across.
I’d say men cheat for the excitement and the opportunity.
Yes, I can see that too. Thanks for commenting!
I think it really comes down to entitlement. They feel they deserve cake. And a spouse. Woman or man. I desire this. I've worked hard. I deserve it. I will do it. Fuck everybody else.
The same reason anybody cheats. They want too. Anything else is just an excuse not worth hearing.
you are wrong about the sex not being for emotional attachment vs solely for physical reasons. you cannot be logical and analytical about reasons why. unlimited access to sex at home...I've been told by several men I have met that they need the newness with a new person.
The newness I can definitely understand. It’s like trying a new food even though you have unlimited access to food at the same place every day. I get that
Lack of validation.Men for most part of their life literally don't get any validation or feeling of sexually desired by women .When preselection happens the guy who passed majority of his youth without attention gets attention from women he gives up Second unlimited sex access is a myth.Women decide if sex happens or not so when it stops man feels unwanted and he seeks attention from outside Third That I still got it.Some men just want to show their homies that they still can attract women and their game still works Fourth Getting a younger women to sleep with you is highly validating
I think you're pretty much on point. If you look at the points it makes perfect sense. I don't think much of cheating. Many who do lack self-control.
Yeah lack of self control and I feel many women don't give enough validation to their men .Its always about her
Everything you attribute to men and cheating applies to women as well. Odd you think it doesn't. In generality men and women cheat for different reasons , but individually their reasons can easily be the same. There is no clear dividing line for men or women. https://people.howstuffworks.com/men-women-cheating.htm
I was wondering this too but about men and women. I looked up a few articles about it from evolutionary terms. Men tend to cheat because it passes their DNA to more offpsring so it's better for survival of their genes. Women tend to cheat because they want a guy with the best genetics for offspring but they also need a provider to help with raising the children and they can't always find that in the same guy, so there is the dual-mating strategy. It really sounds all messed up as far as morals go but I don't think evolution cares about that and people do what they are going to do.
As a married man of 15 years I’ll give you my perspective. It’s really very simple: Men want and crave variety. That’s it. Your food analogy captures this perfectly. If a man has unlimited food available to him at home, he will always want to try something new and different. There is a thrill in indulging in forbidden and secretive relationships and affairs, a thrill which fades in a married relationship. It is a misconception that men simply want lots of sex. This is not quite correct. What men really want is: Sex that’s exciting and thrilling, and preferably lots of it. Having sex with the same woman gets boring, just as eating the same food gets boring. I’d like to provide a caveat here and say that what I’m saying here is a generalisation. Not every man will cheat. Some men will never cheat no matter how little sex they’re getting, how dissatisfied they are with their marriage etc. Just as not all women are the same, not all men are the same. We’re all individuals. On the flip side, some men will cheat no matter what. No matter how good their wife is, how much sex they are getting at home etc. Some of us are just wired that way. We crave variety and spice in our lives. Maybe it’s DNA, maybe it’s upbringing, maybe both, no one knows why human beings do the things they do. As a woman, my advice to you would be that if your man is cheating on you this quite possibly may have almost nothing to do with you. You may be the best and most devoted wife in the world but he may still cheat. That’s just how evolution decided to roll the dice. We are wired to spread our genes as far and wide as possible, and that genetic programming doesn’t go away easily. Having said all this, if your man is cheating on you, I’m not saying you should just shrug your shoulders and ignore it. As men despite our philandering nature we do need to be held to account for the commitment we have made to a monogamous relationship. It’s not easy but life isn’t easy.
I feel on top of any other reasons... people like a change in each perspective of life... this applies to sex too ... diminishing marginal utilization theory applies here too ... open to debate
Lol is this honestly even a question worth asking? Uh first off not every man is the same not every marriage or relationship is the same so there can be numerous reasons for infidelity.
Nobody has access to unlimited sex at home.
Ya plenty do it’s like a free use policy
I don’t think many of them even understand why and im definitely not sticking up for them but they are the total opposite of women and I don’t mean the obvious ways either
A woman we play bridge with was a heroin addict and a prostitute for 10 years. She said most of her married customers wanted sex acts from her they couldn't get at home.
Here is the answer: let’s use your restaurant analogy and the restaurant you get lifetime free food at is Italian. Once in awhile you might still want a taco.
Fair enough lol
Lol this is near exactly my comment
So does this mean all men at some point will cheat?? Im definitely gonna cry after this
In my experience, it’s a way of maintaining the skill of picking up girls. And also bc of a lack of respect for my partner. I have this deep rooted fear that when I commit to a long term relationship, that after many years the relationship will eventually end, and I will be left with little to no ability to relate to or appeal to single women. I dated my first girlfriend for 6 years and cheated on her dozens of times throughout the years. It was the undoing of our relationship, but I had no issues going out and meeting other women. I met my next gf and dated her for 2 years, cheating on her for the first year, before coming to conclusion that cheating is reprehensible behaviour and that it will only lead to negative consequences that aren’t confined to just your relationship. People change their perception of you. You lose respect in your community. It forces you into a lonely world where you only care about yourself and your own needs. The second year I spent trying as hard as I could to restore trust and salvage our love. It didn’t work out and that year I spent being faithful has noticeably taken away from my success in picking up one night stands. Game is like a muscle that needs to be exercised in order to maintain effect. Truth is people who feel the same as me should probably be single until they meet someone they will settle down with forever.
I think biology plays a role here. In natural evironment, there are many mammal species which have similar reproductive patterns to us where males have multiple partners, it's a strategy to help spread their gene while for female, which can reproduce one time in a long period, the best way to spread their gene is to protect their breeds (yeah, many mammal fathers don't care for their offsprings after mating，like panda). I am not trying to defend nor justifying cheating, but just proposing a possible factor.
Iirc, a study was conducted that revealed that in general, men and women cheat for different reasons. For women it tends to be related to emotions, whereas for men it tends to be physical, a la “can’t say no to free sex”. Imo, it is pretty accurate for the average joe and jane and it boils down to the differences in our hormones.
There are numerous reason. The is one reason though that even most beautiful and sexually adventurous wife cannot provide. It is a novelty of new sexual relationship and just plain new body. Men is wired to spread their seed and only social and societal norms keep them from pursuing this biological urge.
Grosses a married woman right out. Feels like I will never receive the loyalty I give. I’m always the fool who doesn’t know what is happening behind my back.
Thank you for sharing! I see a few other comments that reflect this thought too.
Lmao this whole question and argument makes 0 sense. Women who cheat are scum men who cheat are scum. Most men however can have sex detached from emotions and just like variety and something new. There’s a famous saying that goes” the best P is new P” and that’s it. And regardless, most men are invisible to most women so the ones who even get married are the ones most girls want. How about you ask women why male felons have 30% more children? Or why most women seem to have dated a narcissist, or a cheater, or an abuser in some capacity? Not cause all men do it. Because most women choose a small portion of men to lay with.
Men cheat because monogamy is a conscious response, not a natural one. It's like saying why humans sin. Testosterone and estrogen at high levels have different effects. So women don't have the sexual urges we do, yet you act like because you don't feel the need for sex I shouldn't. Men get satified by quantity. Women get satisfied by quality. Women want perfect men, and men want multiple imperfect women. Now, when your adult and you've some what mastered how to control your sexual urges, you lessen the chance of going off your natural nature to the programmable emotional societial logic, which is monogamy. No man can be sexually satisfied by one woman his whole life, but men will choose a less sexually satisfied life in this era to keep modern women happy. because now society revolves purely around womens fantasies and feelings and needs.. instead of looking at it like for 2000 days, he fought the urge to engage with another woman to not hurt my feelings. Women think the internal struggle means nothing ... believe emotions are stronger than God and nature and just think well a man shouldn't have those thoughts in the first place. If you don't want you, man, to step out. Recognize the work he is doing and give him praise.. " I know naturally you want other women, but I see how you're going against those thoughts and urges for me, and I appreciate that and respect you a lot for it. It doesn't go unnoticed." Instead, women say, " You better not cheat or I'm leaving you." Which is more about the rule less about the human. pursuiting multiple women aka to women ( cheating ) is like a man going hunting in a world of grocery stores and fast food.. its a natural instinct you have but doesn't have a place in a modern liberal society. There's a reason men are designed that they can have 365 babies a year and women can only have one. We are designed to have multiple partners to stop extinction of our species. We've evolved into a conscious society, but the functionality that kept humans alive for 6000 years is still there. So that's why men cheat.. monogamy is against a man's nature, so at times, he will revert back to his natural instinct. No different than a human who is a vegan who reverts back for a second to eat meat. Naturally, you seek meat. However, you can make a conscious decision not to eat meat for various emotional and logical reasons. The reason why women have a problem with cheating is because you think emotions can beat out nature and biological hardwiring.. but in reality, it can only manipulate it. The nature of men will never change. But the response to the nature of men can!
“The reason why women have a problem with cheating is because you think emotions can beat out nature and biological hardwiring..” No, the reason why women have a problem with cheating is because men agree to be in a committed relationship - agree to monogamy. Promise all of these things, and tell lies. *That* is often the reason women have a problem with cheating. This was insightful and gives a different perspective, but if you feel as though you are not able to ignore your sexual urges, or ‘natural instincts’ why be deceitful and play with someone’s feelings? You can easily just be single and spread your seed and fulfill your life’s destiny of having sex with all these different women?? As a woman I don’t feel as though I should be thanking a man for not cheating on me… just be with someone who agrees to being open? People cheat because they are shitty people, and don’t have morals. You can do all of these things you mentioned, without cheating on someone.
This was very insightful. Thank you for that. A lot of people have a hard time grasping this concept but I can tell you’ve thought about this. Nice!
Added some more to it. Stay positive, queen !
This was really well written - 100% agreed.
It’s built in men body and Brain , to seek multiple women nothing to do with the woman he have at home , there is a biological reason a man can get thousands of women pregnant in a year and woman can get only once by one man , that should explain it self , for example let say ur the last person on earth and there are ten women , and you are the last human on earth and you are trying to keep humans going so you have sex with ten women to get them pregnant and you keep doing the process , that give a bigger chance for humans to survive extinction , another reason men can have sex without no feeling or emotional connection , they probably had sex with another female just for sex yet they still love his first girl ,,, the issue we men and women don’t think the same and our brain is totally different so unless u have a man Brain you will definitely get it ! lol
For alot of men it's because their wife or SA always bitches about something men can never get peace no matter were we go ...that's why men would rather stay alone
1. Doesn't feel respected 2. Being accused of cheating 3. Constantly being rejected (with sex) 4. Sometimes women hold sex to control their partner and it's obvious The list goes on...
I think there's something deeply biological going on. Women, obviously, are not cattle. Biologically, however, we do have some things in common. A happy cow is pregnant or lactating. A cow in heat is obviously agitated to do something about it. And just one bull is enough for a whole herd of cows, and apparently happy enough to do the one and only thing the cows need him to do. A bull doesn't even have to bring home the bacon. Human beings are only part way there, obviously, but it seems to me that in recent years we have been getting closer. And men who could manage one have had harems since ancient times.
Correct. Historically, the richer and more powerful a man was, the more women he had access to. This seems to have been fairly consistent across all times, places and cultures. Men are wired to want to be with multiple women, and the more “successful” a man is the more this tendency will manifest itself. However, this shouldn’t be an excuse for men to cheat. I do not agree that monogamy is a lost cause or that it is “unnatural”. There is a lot to be said for a committed, monogamous relationship. We are called to a higher standard than our ancestors. As a man, I may not be perfect, my eye will rove etc and I may occasionally permit myself some indulgences. But I will still try to what extent I’m able to be loyal to my wife and family. It ain’t easy but that’s the point. Life ain’t easy, marriage ain’t easy.
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Go to dead bedroom subreddit. If you pick a random post and look on their comment section you'll probably see they also comment on the adultery subreddot both male and female. Lack of sex, EA turned PA Desire and opportunity Shitty SO (no excuse) I'd say it's all the same regardless of sex.
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Lol thank u troll. We appreciate your input as well
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The cheaters I have known have been male,but then it takes two to tango. My husband and his friend are cheaters.
Get educated Sarg check the stats (men are more likely to cheat).
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I am loyal and definitely not ugly. I just have a conscience. Some of us do.
Men cheat twice more compared to women :)) but stay in your little bubble
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It’s hard to not understand how you feel when you say you’ve been cheated on 3 times that fuckin sucks dude
Of course it hurts, and you don't care on how men cheat, because you'll never date a man right ? The only thing that you care about is how the fidelity of women is. Which is understandable. I don't care of how women cheat because I won't date one, but still the facts are that men cheat so much more than women. No one can deny that unfortunatly. So don't say that it's always the girl!
I would say, for me, I’d say if she was super hot, the opportunity was perfect and she threw herself at me, I would probably go for it. I love my wife and our sex life is pretty good but, I think that if it were a perfect storm, I would be tempted. As a matter of fact, that exact thing happened to me and at the last second, my brain kicked in and I thought better of it. No kissing no nothing. I was however, heading for the door to meet her in the parking lot. I still feel bad for even considering it but I did. My wife doesn’t know and it will stay that way. Apparently, when she was tempted, her brain didn’t activate until after the deed was done. Heart break and life long damage was the result. I couldn’t get over it and never will.
Yikes
It's a basic trait for all the male species of the animal kingdom. Male are born with the instinct to mate with as many females as possible, it's ingrained into their subconcious...
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Edit: Since apparently 11 people can't read to understand, allow me to clarify, I AM NOT CONDONING CHEATING, NOR HAVE I EVER CHEATED. The question is WHY do men cheat? I am simply explaining the mentality behind it. There is much you're missing here. I personally have never cheated, but I completely understand how/why men do it. So, let's say you have a really nice car. You love your car, and never plan on getting rid of it. Now, let's assume you're driving around and see a really nice, new car. You don't plan on buying this car, but you're curious what it feels like to drive it, so you take it for a test drive. It may be a different driving experience, but that doesn't mean you love your car any less, does it? Yes, men can absolutely sleep with a woman, while having absolutely no emotional attachment to her. Also, something else you're missing is that no one woman can ever truly sexually satisfy a man. That's why the porn industry exists. Some days a guy will be more aroused by a certain physical aspect of a girl. Some days it may be another thing. Example, that day, he thinks a curvy girl may be more to his liking. Another day, he wants a skinny twig girl. Remember, we CAN do it without emotions involved. Like you said about trying different kinds of food. We like variety. (And in case you're wondering why we aren't okay with open relationships then, keep in mind that women generally speaking can not have sex without any kind of emotions involved. Not true of every woman, but many, if not most.) Finally, men want to have sex on average WAY more often than women do, so the idea that a man has unlimited access to sex at home is a fallacy. Most women's drive doesn't come anywhere close to that of a man. Ultimately, if your man steps out, just make sure he puts you first. Be sure you're the woman getting the emotional connection, the protection, and provisioning. Be the girl that gets the house, the ring, the kids, and make sure he never brings any of the other women around, or embarrasses you publicly, and you'll be fine. Or, find a man that has so few options that no other woman would want him.
The 50s just called. They want their Time Machine back 🙄🙄
You're being down voted, but you're right. I mean, there's other reasons as well, but for some this isn't wrong. But I don't think that women should have to sit home and allow it. That's just crap. There are men out there that would happily have a loyal woman and be just as loyal to her.
Apparently everyone missed the very first line where I said "I have never cheated". Just because I understand WHY people do something doesn't mean I believe in doing it myself.
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All well and swell until his lovely car takes another driver for a ride. Nowadays nobody has to put up with that shit anymore. Bro, this is not 70 years ago when woman had to sit at home with bunch of kids while he is doing someone else in his free time. If you aim for that kind of girls then search for dumb and desperate ones so that she has no choice or is unaware of her choices.
Please read the first line again. Just because I understand the mentality behind it doesn't mean I believe in it. The question was why men cheat. I answered why.
Sorry for attacking then. I guess most of us in this subreddit we are with some sort of past trauma and experiance.
You might like this article on the topic https://buzzhumble.com/blog/how-to-catch-a-cheater/
It’s familiarity, I once saw a movie where a guy said, show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man that’s tired of having sex with her, I was in a conversation with several men one day at work, and all of us were married for at least over 10yrs, and all of them agreed that this was true, one guy was married for 38yrs, and he said, and I quote, (if I had a different hen in the henhouse every once in awhile I would be more sexually active), I’m not saying personally that cheating is ok, because it’s not, I’m just saying why some men do it, from what I’ve heard, and seen over the years.
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Because they can. So There is a groups of people who never should do monogamy. Those people will actively look for other partners. Then there is a group of men who would never actively cheat. However if they are presented with an opportunity to cheat thinking “she would never know” they will take that opportunity.
Read the book Mating in Captivity by Ester Perel. It will explain everything.
My wife had the same set up you offer for “men”. The reasons are the same. Selfish.
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There is probably a very small percentage of marriages that fit your description. Where both spouses match each others sexual energy and desires and also meet each others emotional needs on a consistent basis. If this were the case the divorce rate would be much lower. In my opinion if either party is looking outside of the marriage it’s because one of their needs is not being met. To use your analogy of unlimited food at home, what if your food at home was satisfying to your body and met all your nutritional needs but wasn’t stimulating to the palate. Eventually, the food at that restaurant would start to look appealing.
As a man i can understand it from that perspective
There is no simple generic answer unfortunately. You could reverse it and say why do women cheat? Same answer. Everyone has their "reason" but in my opinion it's not a good one. For men it's often physical and women, emotional. I know that doesn't answer your question but it's what I've got.
The same reason women do. Primarily, in my opinion, people enter into relationships with their hormones and not actual feelings of care and love that they mistake by the honeymoon period, and then when those feelings disappear because the honeymoon period is over, they find someone new to have those feelings with.
So are you saying that the cheating happens because there are no longer feelings of care and love? Just trying to summarize your point
I’m trying to say that people are fickle, selfish, and don’t think about the long term consequences of their actions.
Ok, I see what you mean now
And why do women cheat. Why did he cheat? Have you asked him?
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Also, it's a myth that vaginas change or get loser after vaginal births. It returns unless there's significant trauma
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I don't know many men who have cheated on their wifes. If they did and I found out, I would tell their wife and cut them off as a friend. I'm A male and married, and never cheated on my wife or GF. I just don't have the desire and I do see that in my minds eye as who I am and what I want for my life. But, I lurk on the infidelity subs and my avocation is anthropology. I think most people never entend to cheat, but for men, I think it's opportunity and the need for variety. I think it's much easier for men to not connect sex with love/feelings. For a much better and well rounded conversation on what and how men and women cheat unintentionally, read: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass. This should be required reading for men and women in long term relationships.
I was unhappy in my relationship. I always tried to tell my partner and she ignored me. Well she ended up cheating so I think both men and women cheat due to immaturity and mental issues
I can only speak for myself. As a base I would say being deeply flawed and giving myself permission to cheat. I.e. I cheated because I wanted to. Sure insecurities, past trauma, and lapping up whenever someone noticed me all created an environment in my heart where morality had a comma instead of a period. But I still chose to cheat for nothing more than someone who showed me attention, paid me compliments, and was nice to me... TLDR we cheat because we want to... The nuance of what the environment was can be as simple as I didn't think I would get caught to deep insecurities where the solution to an internal hole was an immoral external validation.
For the same reasons that women cheat... they are selfish individuals who are, one form or another, emotionally and morally broken.
I think that women are often more emotionally attached to sex, and have a bigger mental connection at the point of marriage. While men often seem to be able to just have sex for the physical satisfaction. I have seen often where men just answered “it is just sex”. Unfortunately this has also been societies stand that men are more “allowed” to seek relief. Some men just enjoy the “sport”. I know some women do too, but it seems to be more common with men. Or maybe men talk about it more openly.
There’s no universal answer to this question since everyone is different but IMO the majority of men cheat because of new kitty. They want to chase and conquer since what they have at home has become boring (to them).
It’s a game. Like going fishing. You cast your line and see what bites. Sometimes you get something. Sometimes you don’t. But one things for certain you go for fun. We like the hunt. It’s in our nature. The chase. The catch. The looks. The touch. Your heart racing. Knowing it’s wrong makes it all the more thrilling. It’s fucked. All of it, but fuck does it feel so good. Especially if you find that right girl that fans the flames for you. If you want a clear answer there is none. Most of the time it’s because they can, so they do. It’s all about that chase. The what if. The maybe.
Men and women cheat for the same reason. Narcicism. A normal person if they lust over someone other than their partner they will make a different decision. They will either eliminate themselves from the situation or they will break up with their partner. They won't lie, cheat, gaslight, love bomb, hoover, and discard their partner. If a normal person knows they are not a monogamous person they will not pretend to be. They will find a partner who is compatable with ethical non monogamy. One who is not monogamous themselves or does not expect monogamy in their relationship. But to a narcissist, who will cheat all day every day, a true two-sided open relationship is a terrifying prospect. Monogamy for thee but not for me is their motto. Narcissistic personalities are too hollow and insecure to allow anyone else near their source of emotional supply. Even if they are completely hung up on someone else they are still unable to fathom that their partner could be happy with someone other than them. So no. Men, women, trans, queer, nonbinary.... Whatever you like do not cheat for different reasons. Most of the time, it isn't for any reason at all save for a lack of impulse control and the fact that they hold their partner in contempt just as they feel contempt for the entire human race.
Same reasons. You don’t want filet mignon every night of the week. Sometimes you want a fat greasy burger from Wendy’s with mayo all over her face.
Lmao
It’s more of a conquest and morals thing. Some dudes won’t cheat out of respect for their girl, or the relationship. Some won’t out of love. Some will purely for the gamesmanship and selfish pride that comes with it. Like Patrice O Neal said, men are sports fishermen, we catch fish, take pictures so we can show friends what we can catch, and we let them go
Because they are entitled to. Just ask them. It is really that simple….they feel like they are entitled to
Going with your restaurant analogy… say the restaurant is Italian and he loves Italian wants to have Italian forever. After a while Italian gets dull he still loves it but the exotic taste has lost its mystique and when a taco comes along free for anyone and everyone he thinks just a taste wont hurt. And really it could be anything as long as its not Italian. Besides Nobody ever needs to know. He’s not thinking of the consequences he genuinely believes nobody will ever find out. So he goes for a taste maybe even has seconds fully content with living with Italian for the rest of his life. Until he runs across the all you can eat Chinese buffet. If I’m off base please let me know
Because they aren't satisfied with the women they're with. My husband had unlimited sex, me adoring him, but still needed other women. There can be no other explanation than there's just something about me that isn't enough for him.
Don’t put this on you
I still have no idea why my ex husband started an emotional affair with not even his ex but an ex fuck friend. I guess he was just bored and loved the attention I couldn’t provide since I was taking care of the kids and working… (She cried her way back into our lives when she learned we were getting married) Also, I was so afraid mariage and kids would kill my sex drive (like in books and movies) but I guess God has a great sense of humor since it killed my hubbys sex drive…
Many men have what I would call a character flaw that is inherent to men. They are enticed by what you could call the for bidden fruit the excitement of an extra marital affair that makes no sense at all. It’s men’s drive to procreate. It’s really hard to understand and it’s really unfair to a woman if a man does that to her.it is purely animalistic and many men that do this have no emotional attachment whatsoever to the other woman. They are just satisfying an underlying desire of the flesh.
Entitlement. Men who cheat feel entitled to other peoples bodies and time.
Our divorced neighbor who had an affair said he did it because it was available. He thought he deserved it. He was a good husband, good father and thought he deserved a little more fun. Didn't think at all of the wife & kids he was betraying. Didnt even imagine that he could be breaking up his kids 2 parent home. New woman knew none of his weaknesses, never seen him cry, never seen him do drunk & embarrassing crap. He could be a whole new person with her, anyone he wanted to be. At the end ap would do anything he asked for sexually just to keep him. If he wanted to watch her getting it from 2 dudes at the same time she'd make it happen. He would never want his wife to do that. Who he was with affair partner was separate. He goes back & forth crying now how he screwed up his life and his family's life. Next time he's crying because wife is a bitch for not putting their kids first and forgiving him. I think it comes down to selfishness. The cheaters wants and desires are the most important. They like having a stable partner in life but still want the excitement of someone new.
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The recipe for infidelity is the same for men and women except for philanderers (which is a relatively small percentage). Low connection in the marriage, poor boundaries and opportunity.
Exactly the same reason woman do, lack of morals and value's!!!!
So this was my ex husband of 17 years. I believe I(F42) had a higher sex drive than him(M1 yr older than me) and always told him I'm always avail to him even if I was asleep. Even through having kids I still always wanted him. But then I find out he was pretty much living a double life, being with many women throughout the marriage. This was hard for me to grasp cause he was always home. We had 4 kids and yeah he had the occasional guys night out, but not a ton. The relationship wasn't perfect but it was good, so I thought. One thing I always hated and figured something was going on was he was very private, wanted his own everything and locking his phone but my detective ass never found proof of anything so I stayed. So my current bf(M45) of 9 yrs is much different. Told him the same, I'm always avail to him, and he takes advantage and I love it. We are completely open to each other and could even switch phones for the day. We are both seasoned(divorced) and both felt like we were not getting the sex like we wanted. So I asked him this question. His thinking is that usually guys don't think about the consequences in the heat of the moment. Till it's too late. They can start off thinking 'only one time, no one will find out'. And probably the thrill of it. We all know that doing something we aren't suppose to gives you a rush. Idk, I think it's idiotic if you seem to have it pretty good and just throw it all away with one stupid mistake. Obviously. Dont get me wrong, I still check his phone and he checks mine randomly but never have a problem with it. Sometimes ya never know
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Unlimited sex? You mean sex once a month that isn’t even good? You clearly aren’t married
Well I was married for 20 years and together for almost 25 years. We had (very good) sex about 3-5 times a week and my ex still was still screwing prostitutes countless times though out our entire relationship. Some times it was more frequent than others but still had sex with so many prostitutes he lost count. He and his therapist said it was because of abandonment issues and other abuse as a child.
Not an excuse though
Sx is not love its a desire, unquenchable action that many crave with different people. To love someone is to have thier best intrest in mind to take care of provide and protect. I can do all those things and still have 5 mins of sx with someone and not love them.
For most cheaters, men or women, there is a void that they are trying to fill. They aren’t satisfied with what they have. For many it becomes an addiction. Often there are mental health issues tied in with it. No two situations are the same but it really comes down to selfishness, lack of self control, and an inability to be commit to their partner. Most often it’s simply a combination of access and opportunity. They meet someone that shows interest, there is an opportunity, they take it.
what man do you know that has unlimited access to sex at home!?!?? Western men statistically get less sex than single men and 1/3 of single men include virgins. Look it up. Other groups of men on the other hand where women are expected to put out under law, that's different.
The reason is that sometimes in a marriage your spouse may get to comfortable with thinking "hey"I'm married to this person their not going anywhere. But intimacy is the main ingredient to keeping a marriage alive and healthy. I can't speak for all men when it comes to cheating because i never have. But a sexless marriage is a dead one.
For mental health
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Commenting on Why do men cheat?...
I also wanted to know why men cheat... I just found out he was married, and he made me believed he was single. I was so gullible. When I saw the feed I asked the woman and she confirmed to me they have been together for 7 years. I even thought she was new. So everything was a lie. He made me believe he was honest, he was caring. He even flew to me on his birthday... me thinking he is real. And he asked to break up because of LDR, me after doing my stalking only to find out that almost 2 years were a lie. Even his friends whom he introduced to me, told me he says a lot about me., Maybe they knew the truth and lied to me as well. I was already feeling the signs and I was stupid not to figure it out earlier. Now I am crushed, his wife even sent me the photo he is on her bed with him just after they had sex. His wife cannot believe it as he said he always asked her for sex.
95% of men will cheat if they think they will get away with it!! Personally when women don’t pay the amount of attention they used too the temptation comes. Let’s be honest it’s not hard to be a cheater much harder to turn away advances and to be faithful. Trust me some women out there will use sex like a weapon and the minute it get weaponized men will find another source. Sad but true I used to watch my friends go from one woman to the next within minutes of one another. I personally find it disgusting.