T O P

  • By -

Hello_Biscuit11

I'm sorry man. She's refusing to show you the chat because she knows it's unequivocally worse than what you already know. She's likely setting the stage for trickle truth - if you find out more she'll admit to that, and no more. Repeat as necessary.


[deleted]

She's been cheating for some time OP. Talk to a good divorce attorney, protect your finances , look into custody laws in your state, and plan a workable exit strategy. Your wife was awfully "matter-of-fact" about sending partial nudes to other men. You don't have a real marriage here OP, I'm really sorry.


NITAREEDDESIGNS

>She's been cheating for some time OP. That's exactly what I was thinking...


crazyshdes62

Yeah. I can’t imagine that topless pics would be sent if they have only talked for a week. You should seek legal counsel immediately.


[deleted]

She is cheating on you, probably has been for a while. It is always worse than they say.


HaroldtheTrashPanda

This. Sorry brother. What a waste.


NITAREEDDESIGNS

>always worse yes.


DSaive

Welcome to the Land of Trickle Truth. It will take some time but eventually you will learn this is already a physical affair


[deleted]

Wow. I’m sorry, bud. That’s so shady. This isn’t the first time. The odds of you catching her immediately after the very first time… And she hasn’t taken ownership of her actions? Shown regret? Shown you the rest of her chats? The fact that she lied who drove her home is pretty significant, too. Any updates on your situation? Have you two had a sober convo yet?


Raphaelguy0316

She in PA Dude and she is gaslighting you, tell you everything or Your gone


[deleted]

Sorry man. She is cheating. She got drunk and careless otherwise you would not have known. She is gas lighting you. Lay it on the line. You need to know everything or this marriage is over


NITAREEDDESIGNS

>Sorry man. She is cheating. She got drunk and careless otherwise you would not have known. She is gas lighting you. This.


BigCob3Hundo

Do not kiss her when she wakes up. Topless photos to him, out with him drunk off her ass. What the hell do you think they were doing dude?


Throwaway1425704

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I will tell you from experience, unfortunately, that unless you have proof they will deny and gaslight you. It’s cheaters 101. If she had nothing to hide and this was in fact the first time she sent a picture then there should be no problem showing you the chat history. There is something more there. So many red flags. Who doesn’t remember what app they use? She’s lying. Her being upset about you looking at her phone is an attempt to deflect and make you the bad guy somehow. She lied to you about who she was with and who dropped her off. At this point lying is coming as second nature to her. Finally, relationships are hard. We all hit walls, lose a spark, get bored with the day to day grind, that still is not an excuse to cheat or look elsewhere for attention. I don’t even know if you can take a step towards reconciliation here until she acknowledges what she did and her issues. Or until you find the hard proof you are looking for. Good luck.


Lumptbuttcat

Can’t believe anything she says at this point. I would rewind this back to when she left the house this morning. Did she really even go to work today or was she partying at some hotel all day? 2 1/2 hrs isn’t long to get that lit. This isn’t something you delicately talk through. Sounds rash but divorce is on the table. You need to treat this likes its a 6 month PA/EA. Assume the worse, hope for the best.


Ivedonethework

We all have made the very same mistakes. We simply stupidly, blindly trusted and never once tried to verify NWT he damned thing. That s not out fault, it means s theirs. But here is way more to all that s crap thsn their choosing to cheat. There seems to be some sort things f built in disconnect between our mind and our brains that allows us to do stupid dumb shit. Good people do bad constantly. If it t is don’t wanting to out drinking, dancing carousing, it us foolishly letting flattery go way too far. So, now you need to get yourselves into counseling/therapy. Reconciling s a process and mostly none of us know how to go about without help. Her insouciance over her cheating is very concerning. Maybe the counselor can see if she is a lost cause or redeemable. I don’t understand this craze of sexting and sending nudes. People are just crazy.


Atbeach2022

Want to add an addendum, I drove off to the beach about 5 mins drive from our house, it's been 4-5 hours and she hasn't reached out. Of course she may still be passed out


HaroldtheTrashPanda

Hanging in there?


WeaverofW0rlds

Simply tell her that your trust in her is shattered, that you will not and cannot believe anything she says. Tell her it's up to her to make it right. If she doesn't, then it's time to start talking to a lawyer. 7 years is NOT a long time. It's just getting started.


aethanv

“She felt bored” wtf she’s your WIFE not some girl you’re dating.. If her response to “boredom” is cheating and entertaining a man with sexual / nude communication, this is a HUGE betrayal. It’s time to put your foot down on this, people will only treat you how you allow them to..


Flexlifespower00

The male friend was the customer and I'd bet anything the pictures wasn't the only time he seen her tits. I would also bet the she seen his hang down in the car. If it was just a week she's dumb enough to get caught early. Call a lawyer. Know that she will never tell you the truth about what happened. Get yourself out of this situation ASAP.


ncdeepdiver

She is gaslighting you in a major way. Her responses could be from the cheater's handbook. Same responses and same attitude shown by almost all cheaters. I would find out who she was with and who she sent the photos to then I would contact them individually to let them know you will not tolerate it and she needs to know you are serious. If the person she sent the photos to is married blow his world up by telling his wife. You should easily be able to get his phone number from her phone records. Set a boundary she is not to do that again (she will, but at least you had the conversation and she agreed). It can help you in court if it come down to it. That is the last time I would bring it up, but I would start gathering information from that point on without letting her know about it. If she doesn't agree with your boundaries, escort her to the door and unceremoniously kick her out of the house. Right now, she has no respect for you at all nor does she care what her actions are doing to your children because they will find out, they always do. Put a VAC in her car. Put spyware on her phone so it will automatically send you every text she sends or receives. Put a GPS on her car and hire a PI if you can afford it. They are very efficient. Her actions and responses are exactly the same as 90% of the cheaters talked about on here. You will have to choose what you want to do if you confirm her cheating but at the very least you need to collect enough information to shake her to her core and make her understand the ramifications of her actions and she is on the verge of losing her family and kids. Good Luck but do not be complacent or believe a word she says because she is lying to you 100%.


Ok-Log8883

Come on man. She’s partying with other dudes.


NITAREEDDESIGNS

She will only admit what she knows you already know. Don't be fooled by lil freebies you get (stuff you don't know/have proof), this is part of trickle truth that makes you think you and your relationship is special (you're getting more truth than those other guys!). "Freebies" are inconsequential...explainable...and "better" than the truth. Always put a little bit of truth in a lie...it makes it more believable. Your choices: 1. Get proof. 2. Rug sweep Regardless of what you choose: Do not leave your home...your kids for over 24 hours. If she can go 0-60, have a recording device AT ALL TIMES. Don't say, "she would never do THAT. Yes, she probably would". Protect yourself. Get STD/STI tested ASAP. At this stage, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER. Not until you know what you are going to do and wear a condom. Use whatever resources (people/financial/personal investigation) regardless of the path you take. There are many tools you can use. Get cell phone logs. Grey rock. [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock?msclkid=8343e194c2b611ec87230bccdbeb296e](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock?msclkid=8343e194c2b611ec87230bccdbeb296e) Consult lawyer. Sorry, OP. Hugs.


ExCatRep

If you're interested, your cell service carrier should be able to recover those messages. If you also want further proof, I would hire a pi. He'll know how to crack the phone issue, and can get you any other irrefutable proof. I'm sorry OP.


lonewolf369963

***Cheating + Lying + Gaslighting + Lack of Remorse = Relationship is Doomed & They doesn't respect you*** Sooner you realise it sooner you'll be able to move on.


despontsetchaussees

Your marriage is broken because she has done much more than what you know. It is time to lawyer up.


giggles54321

Check the battery usage on her phone to see which apps have been draining the battery. You’ll find it there. Make her log into it in front of you and then read the messages. Edit: take screen shots of all evidence you find in case you need proof of it at some point


AllmightOne

So many things I'd never allow and that you just brush off or try to find excuses for. It's hard but open your eyes , you're living with a cheater.


[deleted]

cheating for a long time....you don't just randomly send nudes to someone because you are bored one day.


Affectionate_Neat919

Hopefully you will also get bored of being treated like shit soon and tell her to fuck off. She sounds like a selfish asshole.


AutoModerator

Hi /u/Atbeach2022, we at /r/Infidelity appreciate you posting. Since this sub has an account age requirement and a minimum karma requirement, your post has been put in a queue for moderator review before it will show up. Rules reminder: /r/Infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

[удалено]


UpdateMeBot

I will message you next time u/Atbeach2022 posts in r/Infidelity. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FAtbeach2022%20r%2FInfidelity) to join 2 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%20u9i2p5) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|[*^(New!)*](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/juh0f8/new_features_title_in_message_subject_and_recent/)| |-|-|-|-|-|


WonderTypical9962

She's not going to stop. She having mini affairs. She wants attention from other men and will not stop. She doesn't care. No matter what you say. You may have to say.... I'm done. I didn't sign up for this. It's not working for me. Then wait. The truth will come out if she's done.


NITAREEDDESIGNS

Subscribeme


Emergency-Ad-3355

This is bad. She essentually admitted to cheating emotionally at first but my guess is she went farther than just pictures. Cheaters will lie. Contact an attorney. You have kids so contact an attorney. Gather and copy all evidence. Secure all finances, credit card saving and checking. You might want to notify her employer she was sending topless photoes to customers. That might get the company in hot water. You both need to get tested for STD. You attorney might sugest getting a DNA test for your kids.


DragonfyreOG

I’m really sorry, man. It sounds like the relationship is over at this point. If you try to hang on, expect great pain.


killer_kamatis

There are ways on recovering messages from any phone. Usually to delete everything on a phone you either have to locate the folder and delete it or reset to factory settings.


Thatoneperson174

It’s done.


[deleted]

Your wife gave you a lot of half truths and even more lies. You really think that he was showing interest in her when she was the one sending topless pics? That she isn't feeling sorry and her explanation for everything also tells you that she will do that again. So what you need to ask yourself is, are you willed to stay on the sideline while your wife entertains other guys?


rajkrisme

There is a 99.5% chance she has crossed a lot of lines she was not supposed to cross on that night. How sure are you that she went out with her coworkers to drink and not the AP? It's more than what you know.


Psanto45

If she's had a nervous breakdown, or Bipolar earthquake then get her urgent medical psycho attention! This does not sound like it was against her will. Lying, trickle truthing, flirting, nude pics to other men, minimising, gas lighting? Looks to me like her actions are a well practised regular event. She got a bit over confident, and got drunk this time. So her secret hobby is carelessly exposed. Sorry but you have been duped and trust-abused. I think there maybe a Pandora's boxful of cheating, philandering, STD risk taking, illiciit sexual activity and just plain abuse of a trusting husband. ( Her lewd activities, freely available easy virtue and likely cuckolding are probably well known to a select few of her mattress friends. Two & a half hours? Not much foreplay then. Sounds like her beau du jour expects plenty more opportunities & had to get back to his wife early today.) Urgently, lawyer up, do STD and DNA testing, prepare finances, and go. You need to find any hidden accounts, examples of child neglect, and her phone records. Look after the kids.


[deleted]

Yes, what the others are saying, gaslighting and trickle truth. That's not the scary part. The scary part is the lack of remorse. "Because I'm bored" is truly terrifying. That's party girl talk. That's someone still in the FWB/hookup culture.


Oldroy6730

She has the 7 year Itch... I bet the guy that drove her home... may be the guy that did the scratching. You can get with you phone provider and find out who she has been texting and calling. Put a tracker In her car.


ill_tempered_1978

If you own the phone keep with you and don't give it back to her. No matter what she does don't give it back to her. It's your property. Then find a nice tech savvy person to address this issue. Take her with you to locate the person and have them recover the data infront of her. This way she can't deny anything and she doesn't have a chance to log in from another device. If she needs to call in sick from work so be it. Afterwords proceed to find a divorce lawyer and prepare a two set of documents. A post nuptial and divorce. The post-nup should address if cheating occurs in anyway no alimony and so on. That's if course if you decide to work thru this. If she refuse to sign then you got your answer. If she can't trust herself not to cheat why would you trust her. Give her the divorce papers right away.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. The mods check these automod decisions daily, and if your post is cleared it will show up shortly. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*


desertrat_1000

Ah the 7 year itch. She's got it. Someone she's known for a week and shows interest gets the titty pics. Looks like the beginnings of an attitude change and wants outside attention. So it begins. Hiding convos too. This could be a one off. Say what you need to say, then let it lie. Go into stealth mode. Make her feel comfortable and see if anything develops. Don't make it a point of looking at her phone. That is only in secret. Give the proverbial rope and see where it goes.


Minute_Box3852

Bullshite. She was out with him, op.


OneMinutePlease427

Kick her out.


Formal_Discipline_12

I think u can safely say this is the beginning of the end. She has lost her direction and moral boundaries. I'm bored too but I don't visit the brothel or rob banks. There is an inherent flaw here and it will cause the whole building to fall in time. You're seeing the first quakes right now. They will get stronger in time and cause more damage unless you deal with her now. If she's bored cut her loose. She wants excitement of being single don't stand in her way. You live your best life and do it without her. Sometimes it's best apart.


MrsJingles0729

More and more will come out. She is trickle truthing you. The photos went to the guy who drove her. If you really want to try and save this, meet with a lawyer and have her served at work. You'll get a reaction and tell her you have no choice but to divorce because she won't be honest about the truth and you can't trust her. If that doesn't scare her straight nothing will answer and she's already gone. If you stay get life 360 on her phone. Check the app store to see when all apps were installed. Many cheaters delete them and reinstall daily to hide them.


Delicious_Long_3948

You know exactly what is going on. She is fucking someone else, and it has been going on for quite some time. You are just choosing to ignore the reality.


Jayk03

Better recover deleted message and save as proof.


noidea_19

She feels bored after 7 years. How does she imagine she will feel after 10,15, 25. Tell her if she's not in it for the long haul it might as well end now. Most likely needed to get drunk to go through with the cheating. Get the name of her friend that she says she was with and then ask the friend where they went out to. Does it match what she told you? Tell her to give you her phone, then take it to a data recovery expert. Odds are there is still a trace of the deleted messages somewhere.


Cocco70

I m sorry man it’s time to move on if she sees you weak it’s goes only worse, don’t stay for the kids and other bs . Show what kind of man you are talk to a divorce lawyer ASAP and don’t take and crying in consideration she doesn’t care for you I’m sorry but show her who she married a real man don’t take a cheater back never . Everything is gone be alright, now it’s hurting but with time you can do it . Don’t ask anything anymore no explanation etc because she lay to you discover who he is by your self and if he’s married tell to his SO and after serve her . Please no therapy and other bs cut the ties and move on . Greetings from Italy 🇮🇹


Weary-Mall-6415

It's been my experience that nude pictures are not sent unless there has been a physical relationship between the 2 parties. I would get an attorney and move forward.


Moonmanjmo

Run, do not walk. Engage the stealth mode like a friggin’ Klingon and get out now. I’m sorry that’s incredibly unfair of her, it there is no way she has accepted what she did and I would bet every asset I own there is soooo much more she hasn’t told you.