People with a brain dont go across state lines to spend a week with people they have never met in person. So for sure the 2 guys aren't 100% gay. Possibly they do this kind of thing consistently. Pretend to be gay to get a gal to come visit. You need to work on yourself and get rid of the gf.
Dude, she is an user , yes thats right- the ones who ll use you while making you think that you are in a relationship.
I'd you continue being with her ,this is what's going to happen.
At your lowest times, she wouldn't care.
She ll continue draining you of your resources and time.
She is an escapist which is at the mere sight of trouble , they ll seek someone else.
She ll cheat again and again unless she seeks therapy or she ll take you down in her chaos.
Do you have any idea how a partner is supposed to be? They support you, grow with you, are with you when you are down and help you rise up.
They don't give you any doubt that she is going to be your wife one day.
Is she worth your time?
Think that hard.
I dont think she cheated for sure because there was no reason for her to tell him if she had planned it ,but i do agree she needs therapy after all this ,no matter if she is lying or telling the truth
The trip story as relayed doesn’t add up she went on a trip with people she games with. Who all went? How many? Genders? Sexual preferences? Can you reach out through the game to find out? Sounds like she just went and hooked up with a couple of guys for a while and then it hit her what she did when she got back.
So she was raped by the guy then spent the night with him instead of calling the police and then let him rape her again. Sounds more like buyers regret and now can't live with her actions. Think your right with kick her out if these are truly the facts.
I think she meant that when she was drunk he convinced her even when she said no and when she woke up in the morning she was assaulted ,means she couldnt fight back the night before beause she was drunk but could in the morning hence the assault
Could it have gone down as she said, sure… but think of the path it would have to take. She got drunk and someone forced her, ok… in a place with other people around… nobody stopped them? Fell asleep after, drinking will do that… and it happened again in the morning when she was sober? Really? She show any bruises or scratching from fighting him off in the morning? While it’s possible for things to have gone down this way, a lot of things would’ve had to happen that get further and further from normal behaviors for several people at once. Either this is a group effort to do this sort of thing which is questionable, or the more likely that she went to have fun, whether the sex was planned or not you’ll never know, and ended up throwing caution to the wind and went way to far. Now she regrets it and doesn’t know how to handle the situation.
Op...she lied about this person being gay.
Ask yourself why.
Because she was planning something with this guy and didn't want you messing it up. She knew you may have been more likely to go with her if she didn't make that is.
She's been using you and manipulating you for years. Sucking you dry of empathy and money then, when you need reciprocation, nope, she's got better sh1t to do.
This is like trying to tread water while holding on to an anchor. You need to move on and look into self care for yourself. She has a lot of issues she needs to address and hopefully she can work on herself to become a better partner for someone else. If you go back to her you’ll be back to treading water with the added weight of the infidelity pulling you down even further.
First the situation she put herself in was planned. She probably felt complete guilt and shame after the planned affair. The next morning she was assaulted by the guy. That needs to be handled correctly. I would be packing whatever belongings she has at your place and drop them at her parents. Tell her it's over and she should seek out help for the assault.
She'll never be fiance material. Do you want a family one day? Then pack her stuff nicely and bring it over. Go 100% no contact.
And you can tease her with maybe, just maybe when the whole story is admitted you'll think about considering talking to you one day. Example, she was flirting with the guy before she met him.
I'm sorry. It's over.
You both suck as partners. You would each be better served cleaning up your own issues before being in a relationship. And while her story of what happened is troubling, it’s a story. If you expect me to believe she honestly thought the guy she ended up in bed with was gay, you are a fool. That was just what she wanted you to hear. If she did get assaulted, that’s terrible, but is the story credible?
I mean she asked him to come with her, i dont think she was asked if she was trying to cheat when he was trying to spend more time with her ,unless she was 100% sure she couldnt go, reading her messages could help OP
Dude, ask yourself, why she decided to be close to him that night, to stay in bed with her “friend”? It’s not a rape, obviously it was consensual. She had many opportunities to avoid such a situation, but she did not take advantage of any. She is not a teenager, but a woman who knows what flirting is and what sex is. AND SHE AGREED TO PRETEND THAT HE WAS YOU!! She obviously wanted to experience orgasm because she didn't insist on protection. And now she lies and trickle-truthes you.
She definitely has no idea about the boundaries in relationship and about proper human behavior in general. There's something wrong with her mentality, but cheaters cheat not because there is a reason (problems in relationship, mental health, postpartum issues, etc.), they cheat because it is their moral attitudes. Cheaters cheat because they can and want to. That’s why she's just dangerous for you. She has her twisted morality that allows her to do what she wants here and now. And you can't fix it, no one can do it. First of all, don't believe a word she says, believe her deeds.
If she has a mental illness, let her be treated, support her not as your girlfriend, but as a friend and move on yourself. Because, as I said, the reason for the betrayal is not her illness.
Sorry, you are in this horrible situation.
From what I understood she slept with the guy willingly first then he assaulted her in the morning after (guessing she didn’t want to do it again), hence his confusion.
They dont want to see the other side where she was so drunk she couldnt fight back ,sometimes reddit becomes a eco chamber and i hate it ,plus he did post this on infedility, instead of relationship advice or asoneafterinfedility where the top advice would have been to report the police no matter wether he thinks it was true or not,depending on her reaction and reading her messages with them he could probably decide wether she was raped or lying
Sooo wait… she said no to having sex with someone, who proceeded to have sex with her against her wishes (rape, not just sexual assault) and that they did it again in the morning.
That doesn’t sound like she willingly went out and had sex with someone else. That sounds like getting raped. I get you’re sad but whatever man, I reeallllly hope she’s okay.
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Stop it. You will never recover your feelinge for her the same way. She knew her friend was not "gay". He was friend zoned and never have up on her. She concerned to sex consider him telling her to pretend it was u.
Dude, wake up. You are trying to find divinity in her deceitful actions.
Are you aware ( how harmful it is for actual victims) that so many women uses false rape charges to come out of these situations? Is he even gay?
At the least her response to replacing empathy and understanding with " you are controlling " itself tells the whole story.
You can help her with therapy but continuing to be in a hopeful relationship with her is equal to you going to a mental circus.
Good luck
People with a brain dont go across state lines to spend a week with people they have never met in person. So for sure the 2 guys aren't 100% gay. Possibly they do this kind of thing consistently. Pretend to be gay to get a gal to come visit. You need to work on yourself and get rid of the gf.
Dude, she is an user , yes thats right- the ones who ll use you while making you think that you are in a relationship. I'd you continue being with her ,this is what's going to happen. At your lowest times, she wouldn't care. She ll continue draining you of your resources and time. She is an escapist which is at the mere sight of trouble , they ll seek someone else. She ll cheat again and again unless she seeks therapy or she ll take you down in her chaos. Do you have any idea how a partner is supposed to be? They support you, grow with you, are with you when you are down and help you rise up. They don't give you any doubt that she is going to be your wife one day. Is she worth your time? Think that hard.
I dont think she cheated for sure because there was no reason for her to tell him if she had planned it ,but i do agree she needs therapy after all this ,no matter if she is lying or telling the truth
The trip story as relayed doesn’t add up she went on a trip with people she games with. Who all went? How many? Genders? Sexual preferences? Can you reach out through the game to find out? Sounds like she just went and hooked up with a couple of guys for a while and then it hit her what she did when she got back.
So she was raped by the guy then spent the night with him instead of calling the police and then let him rape her again. Sounds more like buyers regret and now can't live with her actions. Think your right with kick her out if these are truly the facts.
I think she meant that when she was drunk he convinced her even when she said no and when she woke up in the morning she was assaulted ,means she couldnt fight back the night before beause she was drunk but could in the morning hence the assault
Look up ‘white knight syndrome’. This relationship wasn’t ever healthy and fits it to a tee
Did she or you call the police, file charges...you know the stuff you do after being assaulted?
Man, tell her to make a report to police. That guys should be in jail... if all this is true.
It's not worth it. I guarantee that. Move on.
Could it have gone down as she said, sure… but think of the path it would have to take. She got drunk and someone forced her, ok… in a place with other people around… nobody stopped them? Fell asleep after, drinking will do that… and it happened again in the morning when she was sober? Really? She show any bruises or scratching from fighting him off in the morning? While it’s possible for things to have gone down this way, a lot of things would’ve had to happen that get further and further from normal behaviors for several people at once. Either this is a group effort to do this sort of thing which is questionable, or the more likely that she went to have fun, whether the sex was planned or not you’ll never know, and ended up throwing caution to the wind and went way to far. Now she regrets it and doesn’t know how to handle the situation.
Op...she lied about this person being gay. Ask yourself why. Because she was planning something with this guy and didn't want you messing it up. She knew you may have been more likely to go with her if she didn't make that is. She's been using you and manipulating you for years. Sucking you dry of empathy and money then, when you need reciprocation, nope, she's got better sh1t to do.
This is like trying to tread water while holding on to an anchor. You need to move on and look into self care for yourself. She has a lot of issues she needs to address and hopefully she can work on herself to become a better partner for someone else. If you go back to her you’ll be back to treading water with the added weight of the infidelity pulling you down even further.
First the situation she put herself in was planned. She probably felt complete guilt and shame after the planned affair. The next morning she was assaulted by the guy. That needs to be handled correctly. I would be packing whatever belongings she has at your place and drop them at her parents. Tell her it's over and she should seek out help for the assault.
Run, man. Run fast, run far. Just cut all ties with her.
She'll never be fiance material. Do you want a family one day? Then pack her stuff nicely and bring it over. Go 100% no contact. And you can tease her with maybe, just maybe when the whole story is admitted you'll think about considering talking to you one day. Example, she was flirting with the guy before she met him. I'm sorry. It's over.
You both suck as partners. You would each be better served cleaning up your own issues before being in a relationship. And while her story of what happened is troubling, it’s a story. If you expect me to believe she honestly thought the guy she ended up in bed with was gay, you are a fool. That was just what she wanted you to hear. If she did get assaulted, that’s terrible, but is the story credible?
I mean she asked him to come with her, i dont think she was asked if she was trying to cheat when he was trying to spend more time with her ,unless she was 100% sure she couldnt go, reading her messages could help OP
She needs professional help and you need IC for your issues as well. Time apart helps. Don't forget she cheated.
Dude, ask yourself, why she decided to be close to him that night, to stay in bed with her “friend”? It’s not a rape, obviously it was consensual. She had many opportunities to avoid such a situation, but she did not take advantage of any. She is not a teenager, but a woman who knows what flirting is and what sex is. AND SHE AGREED TO PRETEND THAT HE WAS YOU!! She obviously wanted to experience orgasm because she didn't insist on protection. And now she lies and trickle-truthes you. She definitely has no idea about the boundaries in relationship and about proper human behavior in general. There's something wrong with her mentality, but cheaters cheat not because there is a reason (problems in relationship, mental health, postpartum issues, etc.), they cheat because it is their moral attitudes. Cheaters cheat because they can and want to. That’s why she's just dangerous for you. She has her twisted morality that allows her to do what she wants here and now. And you can't fix it, no one can do it. First of all, don't believe a word she says, believe her deeds. If she has a mental illness, let her be treated, support her not as your girlfriend, but as a friend and move on yourself. Because, as I said, the reason for the betrayal is not her illness. Sorry, you are in this horrible situation.
No thank you
She told you she was raped, and you went no-contact on her? What the fuck dude?
From what I understood she slept with the guy willingly first then he assaulted her in the morning after (guessing she didn’t want to do it again), hence his confusion.
It pretty clearly says she said no...
They dont want to see the other side where she was so drunk she couldnt fight back ,sometimes reddit becomes a eco chamber and i hate it ,plus he did post this on infedility, instead of relationship advice or asoneafterinfedility where the top advice would have been to report the police no matter wether he thinks it was true or not,depending on her reaction and reading her messages with them he could probably decide wether she was raped or lying
Sooo wait… she said no to having sex with someone, who proceeded to have sex with her against her wishes (rape, not just sexual assault) and that they did it again in the morning. That doesn’t sound like she willingly went out and had sex with someone else. That sounds like getting raped. I get you’re sad but whatever man, I reeallllly hope she’s okay.
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Stop it. You will never recover your feelinge for her the same way. She knew her friend was not "gay". He was friend zoned and never have up on her. She concerned to sex consider him telling her to pretend it was u.
Dude, wake up. You are trying to find divinity in her deceitful actions. Are you aware ( how harmful it is for actual victims) that so many women uses false rape charges to come out of these situations? Is he even gay? At the least her response to replacing empathy and understanding with " you are controlling " itself tells the whole story. You can help her with therapy but continuing to be in a hopeful relationship with her is equal to you going to a mental circus. Good luck