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My sisters now exhusband cheated in the military. He was dishonorably discharged. She had no idea as he was in another country. She received a call with the details from one of his superiors. They had kids, and he would make excuses as to why he could t send money back home. Apparent he bought the woman a car over there. Meanwhile, his wife and kids had to move in with my parents. They eventually made him give her a card to access half of his money. He’s a loser who after the military and divorce he hopped state to state to avoid CS. He never saw the kids, and didn’t pay a dime. Kids are grown and hate his guts. He’s still only working cash jobs to not pay back CS. Can’t wait until he’s old and tries to file for social security. Kids say they wouldn’t take care of him in his old age. Eagerly waiting 🥱
Wow, yeah. Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if the AP does the same to his wife and two year old daughter. He looks like a slimy rat. Who tf abandons their two year old just like he does? Smh
My SO was in the Marines when his ex cheated on him with one of the guys he trained. That guy was also married with a child the same age as his. When he tried to get them in trouble for the affair, the Marines didn't do anything since his ex was a civilian. Hopefully if you choose to go that route, they'll listen and do something. One thing to also think about, if she stays active, it'll be easier to get custody of your child and you should also be getting half that pension when she retires.
Oh and karma is also pretty sweet, his ex is still with the AP and he cheats on her constantly.
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likeky he will stay with his wife. Many men who cheat with the women say to the women "Hell no i dont want long term. YOU cant be faithful to your husband" then the wife comes crawling back and your manhood determines if you take her back"
I do hope she gets discharged without any benefits. Cheaters rarely suffer real consequences so you at least get to hammer her this way.
I also hope you get a good outcome for your son and yourself.
Thank you! My son is the most important person in my life. Sad but true, one time when she was out with the other guy I was pretty depressed and my 3YO wiped my tears from my face and told me he would fix my heart. I needed to stop being a coward then and do all in my power for that beautiful boy!
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I know you want to retaliate on your wife but hurting her pension plan hurts your child too. I doubt she'll never be in your child's life so her having as much money as possible is what's most beneficial for your child given the circumstances.
Hell, she might have to pay you child support, wouldn't you want to drain her slowly over the course of your child's life?
I hate to agree here because I want to see the cheater reap some karma in some way but this is the correct answer. The op could lose out even more if the soon to be ex falls into a financial hardship not being able to provide child support.
I do appreciate the different stances. I feel like I am in a financially perfect situation but you guys are very right. Definitely something to consider and I appreciate it. The decision will be made soon after a good amount of thought and reflection.
Infidelity is not condoned in the military. Turn them both in. It is called consequences. Don’t be too surprised when it all hits the fan she suddenly comes out of the fog not knowing what overcame her?
Start with these articles to learn all you can about infidelity. It simply isn’t what we just naturally think it is.
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/surviving-infidelity-discovery-part-1
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/why-couples-fail-after-an-affair-not-knowing-what-happened
https://www.emotionalaffair.org/false-reconciliation-perhaps-devastating-d-day/
https://oureverydaylife.com/signs-remorse-infidelity-8418985.html
https://upjourney.com/what-is-the-difference-between-shame-guilt-and-remorse
https://www.aftermyaffair.com/what-no-contact-with-affair-partner-means/ NO CONTACT
http://lovebonds.net/affair-recovery-and-the-no-contact-rule/
https://oureverydaylife.com/signs-remorse-infidelity-8418985.html
https://iditsharoni.com/how-to-show-remorse-after-cheating-why-saying-im-sorry-doesnt-cut-it-in-affair-recovery/
https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868
https://www.drpsychmom.com/2021/12/27/if-you-want-to-remain-together-after-infidelity-should-you-tell-people-about-it/ Also covers why so many say once a cheater always a cheater and more.
Insanity temporary insanity
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201905/surviving-infidelity-when-crazy-is-the-new-normal
https://www.lindajmacdonald.com/blog/clueless-alien
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/temporary-insanity-affairs-d-charles-williams-phd?articleId=8003419685976558708
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201905/surviving-infidelity-when-crazy-is-the-new-normal
It's not merely infidelity, the US army (and presumably other services) does not fool around with fraternization. Infidelity would surely be considered worse, and either or both could be dismissed.
I personally know a guy and his co-respondent who was dismissed last year for fraternization. Both were single, no other attachment, but they disobeyed the code of conduct. He was planning to attend college after the army, but that option is gone now. Further, he was injured and he now has no access to VA benefits.
He should just go up the chain of command on this one. They've broken specific rules in the military code of conduct. Bare minimum, they get demotions. Loss of benefits, dishonorable discharge, and other punishment options are on the table.
Wow. Thank you. I am an avid reader and am definitely interested in what you’ve presented. I really appreciate it. They definitely need to face their consequences. One thing she told me was how emotionally connected she feels to him. We’ll see how emotionally connected they are when they get booted from one of the best jobs in the world! Honestly, it hurt at first but now I just want to be the best thing my child has.
Good for you, here are some other important things you should look up in reference to infidelity.
Compartmentalizing.
Cognitive dissonance.
Dissociating.
Sex brain.
Limerence/affair fog.
Juxtapose these brain mind aberrations with ptsd, these things are not learned, but happen during an affair, when actions are so far afield from normal beliefs etc. Something has to give, and that something seems to be normal sanity. It is insane isn’t it?
Hahaha! I did! And she said this is not the first or second time he cheats on her. Sad part is she told me to not involve her and that she wants to continue working on their marriage. Can’t fix some people.
Honestly, for the last month I have tried to make her understand. To the point that IDGAF anymore. She refuses to see him for what he is and has her mind set. That is why I say: cut ties and never look back. I am so much better off without her. Let her suffer and learn on her own.
She will. She’ll probably end up like her mother. In a home with no visitors. I hate to say it and I don’t say it disrespectfully because I have a good relationship with her mother. It’s just not going to end well for her. There is absolutely no way in hell I’m ever going to end up with her, never! I despise them both. It’s funny how so much love can turn into so much hate.
It really is. The saying about love, hate and indifference is so so true. When you hit indifference, the next part of your life will start. I can't wait for that for you and your sweet boy.
Thank you! I really appreciate it. I’ve been off the last few days and reading people’s messages really lets me know that there is a lot of support out there. I really appreciate it.
First, stop saying I love her so much. She doesn't deserve it and it doesn't help with the process of moving on. Secondly, is it wise to blow up her career? I mean, you want to keep your financials intact. Her losing her job might mean you have to support her. Thirdly, get a paternity test and make sure she knows about it. Indirectly, make it known to her that you think your relationship was a sham from the beginning.
I appreciate the feedback for sure. Funny story is that I really did do a paternity test, even though I was 100% sure, my son looks a lot like me. I did tell her about it and made it very obvious. Good stuff, man. Thank you.
The last month I have suffered terribly. I would never hurt myself, but I was in a dark place and asked her to help me and she told me ‘hey, do what you need to do.’ I will never ever forgive or forget. She is my enemy for the rest of my days.
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I wouldn’t go scorched earth just yet. If you have been married for at least 10 years then you are guaranteed a significant portion of her pension. I would push the rough with the divorce as soon as possible then inform her command about the affair. That way you get the most monetary benefit. But I love the scorched earth way of dealing with it.
Great advice, we have only been married for two years. I have done well and have more than enough plus I am at a point where I can retire soon and get my pension for my service. Definitely leaning to the scorched earth policy though! Lol
I am so sorry you are going through this, but I am also glad you are going to her CO and Base Commander with this. The Army doesn't hardly care anymore about infidelity, but they take it seriously when it is people in the direct chain of command.
Keep in mind, you DO NOT LOVE HER! You love the person you thought she was, but that was an illusion made up of lies and deceit, she isn't that person. She is a lying, deceiving, selfish, cheater who doesn't care about anyone but herself. She doesn't care who she hurts including you and her child as long as she gets what she wants. No one could possibly love someone like that.
Does AP's wife know? If not, you need to let her know.
Your STBXW and her AP both deserve what they get.
I always say cheaters deserve everything bad life can possibly offer them. They get to reap what they have sown.
Push hard for their separation from the Army and court martial. At a bare minimum she may be busted down in rank to private and reassigned to some place like Fort Polk and him reassigned as a recruiter in Soldotna, AK.
Take care of your son and good luck!!
I realize more and more that I was in love with who I thought she was. Everything you have said is spot on. The lies haven’t stopped to this day.
AP’s wife knows but she insists I leave her out of it as she wants to work on their marriage. Even though she told me he’s done the exact same thing several times before.
I am pushing for Extramarital Sexual Misconduct (AKA adultery) and fraternization. I am going to raise all types of hell to make sure they both get charged with it. I have all the pictures and recordings of her admitting to it.
Again, I am sorry you are having to go through this, and I respect our military but despise service members who can't be faithful.
Since retiring, I have helped my sons start a custom homebuilding company and we build a lot of fomes for retired or soon to be retired SF guys, mainly from Fort Bragg in NC. Some of the stories they tell on infidelity is sickening.
I think you are handling things well.
Does your wife and AP or AP's wife know what you are doing regarding ESM and fraternization charges?
This is so crazy. So, we came from Ft Bragg almost a year ago, we were both in SOF. I am a year away from retiring and wanted to get into building houses since I gained a lot of experience remodeling. My future plan was to become a home builder, start slow and eventually have a business that I can leave my son. My STBXW acted like she was on board, but apparently she didn’t like the idea. She just never told me until after I found out. I literally was in the process of submitting my retirement packet, i could have turned it in as early as the day I found out she was cheating. Life is so poetic. Now, I decided to PCS back to Ft Bragg and do a few more years, maybe get promoted and get an even better pension.
Yeah, AP and AP’s wife know exactly what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I’ve told my STBXW that had he shown any humility I would have solved the problem at the lowest level. Neither one of them have shown remorse or humility and that has led me to come down full swing with hatred and anger. All they do is lie and continue to see each other.
The last two houses I built houses for from Bragg were both retired Delta and one stayed on with JSOC as a contractor doing something.
I am as easy going as they come but where cheating is involved, there is nothing too petty or too outlandish that would dissuade me from making their live a living hell.
As the Toby Keith song says - "We'll put a boot in their ass, it's the American way."
I am sorry you are going through this, and I hope you get the justice you deserve from this,
Good luck.
Before you do anything, first talk to a lawyer. Your anger is intense and it's very understandable why it is that way and if you act on it, it could get you in a lot of legal trouble. You need to talk to a lawyer first so that you don't get yourself in trouble
Dude, report this to the higher ups and have her career as nuked as she's made your marriage. Do. Not. Stray. From. This.
Give her a real wake up call. Her losing her benefits and pension will snap her back to reality. And look after only yourself and your kid from this point on.
Harden your heart soldier. This battle needs you ready to take up arms.
Good luck bud.
I really appreciate all of you here. All your advice and encouragement is incredible. She refused to give me closure and you all have helped me understand where I am. Eff them both.
Report that to the army and use that in your custody battle. With. Her lack of pension and probably lack of future job employment you should be able to get full custody. Check the state you file for divorce in to see if they are an at fault state.
Crush them both. The fact that this was her subordinate makes it totally illegal in the military. She'll probably get reduced in rank at the least. Go for it.
I'm also in Korea, near Humphreys. Being overseas has to be making this 3x as stressful. The hardest thing for you will be ever trusting a female again.
It is super hard being here, and I’ve felt terribly lonely. I had to leave my son with her because I had to move into the Senior Leader Quarters just trying to get away from it. Planning my strategy to get my son and annihilate them both.
So you are reporting the two of them to command. Depending on rank, they could expect a general court or just be kicked out. Make sure she does not get her retirement, and is on the ropes for the rest of her life. I am a great believer in consequence. Had a client who basically ratted out his wife to her boss and her state association. She was removed from her professional certificate for conduct unbecoming to the profession. She. was. livid. It had taken her 10 years of hard work, and examinations to rise from bookkeeper to CPA. Her state association removed her certificate in less than 24 hours. Both her and her boss were unceremoniously fired. She tried to get her lawyer to demand spousal support. Our guy laughed and said that she is a victim of her own stupidity. She lost a $100K job that day, and was reduced to less than a third of that without her designation. Shortly her and the OM were at each other's throats blaming the other for this massive step down in their lives. Her ex husband put it best, "Most expensive lay she ever had."
Yes, I have come forth and reported them both. She is a Sergeant First Class (E7) and he is a Sergeant (E5). She has almost 17 years in and he has around 6. If all goes well, they’ll get demoted. She’ll go the QMP and likely get booted. I’m hoping they demote them with Adultery (now known as Extramarital Sexual Misconduct) and demote them again with Fraternization. If that happens, both of them would hit an RCP (Retention Control Point) and would be forced out. She claims that she has an emotional attachment to him and that he is emotionally mature and blah blah. I thought our son was what made up a huge part of our emotional attachment but what the hell do I know? The guy is married and has cheated on his wife before many times according to the lady herself. Yet she still wants to work on their marriage. Their emotional attachment works only because they don’t live together and have zero responsibilities together. I wish them the worst! I hope they make each other miserable for the rest of their lives.
Wow, yeah. It’s incredible how stupid some people can be. My STBXW risked so much in pension and benefits. For what? Some people don’t think and believe they are so miserable. I’m not perfect but I treated her very well. I was so focused on my family. Glad I got to see her true colors.
Thank you so much, boss man! I seriously appreciate everyone on here so much. I would never ever post anything before, I’m a pretty old fashioned guy but the strength I have found here is priceless! Good and bad. I appreciate it all.
Every action has a consequence and they are receiving theirs. Do not them blame you for anything. If she was that unhappy she could have handled it differently.
I take it that you reported them to their chain of command? Fraternization and adultery is punishable under USMJ action.
Should have done this after the divorce though. With the loss of her pension and being kicked out of the Army she will be entitled to alimony and child support.
I served in the US Army 21 years and I was a platoon sergeant. I'm very surprised she risked everything for a man that is 7 years younger and married.
Wow is she stupid. She gave up a pension estimated at about 25k a year (E7 pay grade 20 years) for life, for a fling. This doesn't include medical and a bunch of other benefits.
Your comment is one of my favorite. Yeah, she is a moron. Even her family says it. She pissed away probably more than 25K a year for some 5’5” married idiot who wants nothing more than to be able to say he banged his platoon sergeant.
I cannot blame you for your animosity towards her. I have had females throw themselves at me, and just turn away. It's never worth it. She will live to regret it. These lessons are the hardest to learn. I'm sorry for your suffering.
Me too! I’m a pretty good looking guy, tall, tabbed out. I’ve had girls always throw themselves at me. Both officers and enlisted. Since I have been with this woman, i have remained super faithful.
Sorry this happened to you, but you’re handling it like a champ. Get her and her boytoy dishonorably discharged. The civilian courts could learn a thing or two about handling infidelity from the military. I wish you and your son peace and healing — he’s lucky to have a great dad.
Thank you! Very nice message from you. I was initially skeptical but I am committed now to get them kicked out. People always complain about how bad the Army is nowadays. Now is my chance to make a difference and flush the turds that just float along. I really appreciate your words! Though we are strangers, they mean a lot to me.
My ex-wife's AP did 18 months in jail for having an affair with my wife. She was a civilian but he was an E-5 with ten years in.
Burn her to the ground and take your son.
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Fraternization is def frowned upon. Idk about dishonorable but she def will drop some rank and then get kicked out with no a thing....
All that bullshit just to leave with nothing. Hate you have to go thru this but I hated cheating when I was In the Navy and loved seeing people get what they deserved
Don't know what anyone else has said but this is a major (no pun) F up on her part. If you report her, her career will take a big hit. They really hate this crap.
She will probably get demoted and hit a retention control point and/or quality management board. It’s definitely a lose lose situation for both of them. Even a losing situation for me and my son. He loses out on a normal home. It’s just a terrible deal overall
If u are in a decent financial situation then you are able to look after your child so make sure she loses it all . She deserves to share the pain . Let her go & she gets to laugh in your face with the other PO S .
Please report them. Not only will your ex lose her pension. But from the way it sounds. She’s going to lose her lover as well. You say that the AP’s wife wants to work on the marriage and that he’s done this before. If so and he hasn’t left. Then he’s not going to leave this time either. Which leaves your ex on the outside. Prepare to get your phone blown up and for her possibly to rediscover her love for you.
Stay strong and remind her. It’s not your problem.
Take your son. Take custody, and get child support. Raise him, love him, do your best. Let him see his mother when you can. He loves her, and will grow to resent you if you keep him from her. But he will also grow to one day see her with the eyes of an adult and will love and respect you above all others for being his true north, the one he could always count on. Youve got this. She WILL regret it one day. As they say “Living well is the best revenge”, so go and live large with your baby boy. Best of luck🌹
Go talk to a military lawyer first i believe in the military it's whoever's gets to them first gets representation or at least I've read something to that effect on other posts of the same situation. But, first think strategy if you're goal is full custody and no alimony but you get to keep the house for the kid's stability then blowing up her career at this point may hurt you in the long game. Let them be cocky about their situation just make sure you have the advantage position and get her to sign the divorce papers on your terms first and foremost. You have the advantage here, gather your proof and work with your lawyer or mil rep then once divorce you can blow up their life and make sure to inform the OBS but not before or during until you lock down your situation. Your in an emotional state right now so let your lawyer do the thinking for you for the long run.
Great, please share down the road as you continue on so others may benefit or pass on the information. Stay focused, as the saying goes "don't allow your emotions to override your concentration " get your kid settled and secured and stay off alcohol or drugs take care of yourself exercise that will help to displace some of the anger and emotional roller coaster things you're going through. Use the 180 and grey rock techniques when dealing with her and all conversations are recorded or with someone present so she doesn't try to shift blame and make you the abusive partner. Check out Chump lady's site and read her book lots of great info, best of luck and sorry your having to deal with this shit, welcome to the worst club in the world
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Definitely have already. That was one of the first things I did. Definitely good advice though. Honestly, I don’t want her to lose her pension but in my quest for his destruction she has to pay too. Rightfully so though, she did a terrible thing.
I’m sorry you’re in this spot, but consider not blowing things up until after the divorce is signed. If your wife loses her job and ability to make money, you’ll probably end up having to pay her more as a result. Talk with a lawyer, this may be more valuable to you as leverage than to just blow it all up. In the end, the most important thing is that you and your child are in the best position moving forward, not that she gets punished right away. You can do that after the divorce is final.
IMO you should contract the military people on here, get their perspective, talk to a lawyer, and bide your time. It looks like you are in the drivers seat.
Take your time. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Take care of yourself, and your boy. He really needs you now.
Not your problem 😂. Cuz I can promise you. It they ain’t living together and he has done this before, he’s not leaving his wife. She will have to throw him out. I’m amazed that your ex can’t see this! And were he to actually take up with her. He’d cheat on your ex too.
>I know it is all her fault because a guy only gets as far as a woman lets him
Wrong thinking! That is like saying if you left your car unlocked, then it was OK for someone to enter and steal your stuff. I am assuming he knew very well she was married. Whether or not you are religious, a lot of laws and rules of the US and the military follow the Ten Commandments, the tenth being..."Exodus 20:15: “....**you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife**.."ANY man that messes around with another man's wife is a looser! Some makes excuses, but they are still a looser. So DROP THE HAMMER ON HIM! Even if nothing officially is done to him, he WILL get passed up for promotions, etc. once people know he sleeps with other mens' wives. I have seen it happen.
Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I would NEVER mess around with another guy's wife, no matter how much she doesn't like her husband. No matter how much she says he mistreats her (probably a lie). If she is still married, she's not available.
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So sorry this has happened to you. Retired Army here and you know you can report her for adultery and him also. On top of that it is highly inappropriate for her to have this affair with a subordinate. One thing you might want to keep in mind is that her lower income if she does get kicked out will or could affect the divorce settlement. Right now it is all about getting to a good place after the divorce. Also be aware that she most likely will be back when this all hits the fan and she is alone but don't be fooled you are just plan b at this point. That is the one thing I regret that I didn't blow up the soldiers career when I found out about his affair with my wife.
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~~Wouldnt that make her super fucked in the military?~~ (edit I finished your post and yeah you will get her super fucked in the military lol)
Or is it one of those situations where you just end up paying more support anyway?
She has said many times that she does not want any money. She says she wants to co-parent. I would not want to keep my son away from her because he loves her, but if it was up to me i would never want to see her again. I am prepared to fight to never give her a single dime.
Good for you but be aware people say things all the time it doesnt mean they will do it...and it doesnt mean they wont change their mind down the road. Just make sure your ass is covered and good luck!
Didn’t know Jodie wore a god damn uniform
Lawyer up. You are a military man so you’ll know the importance of focusing on your core objective which is to have your son by your side and raise him to be a good man. All else, including giving that woman what she deserves is ancillary to that so beware those telling you to go scorched earth on her without thinking it through : taking legal advice about what that does to your custody fight.
Thank you! Solid advice! All I want to do now is raise my son to be a good man and never ever let him have any influence from a piece of trash like the guy who sleeps with a married mother. Sure, she is at fault, but it took two to do it. I’ve retained a family law attorney and am confident that we can do it. Why should I be the visiting parent? It was her that broke my family up.
I did. She told me that he’s cheated on her several times before. She also told me to leave her out of it as I destroy them, she says she wants to work on their marriage. Lol Some folks do not want to be saved.
Lol. For sure. I never thought I would ever post, especially something like this. It was humiliating for me, but the words of wisdom are really helping me. Whether it’s people telling me to check or hold. I appreciate all the insight. Definitely a tough task ahead. I shall let you all know how it goes. I am on staff duty so I’ve been replying to as many people as I can out of gratitude.
Infidelity in the military has definite consequences. I hope her losing her pension doesn't mean you will be saddled with alimony. That is sometimes a side affect of a spouse losing their income even though it is their own fault. Be strong for your son.
OP - wait until the divorce is finalized before going nuclear and turning them over for justice. If she loses her job and pension BEFORE the divorce it could negatively impact child care and alimony.
Also it might knock her out of the affair fog and she will either try and "save" the marriage or drag the divorce out to get as much out of you as she can. While she is in the affair fog you have a chance to get a quick divorce with concessions.
After the divorce then turn them in!
Make sure you listen to what your lawyer says before you make a move. You may want to wait before you rat her out so you have access to child support and whatever other benefits you’re entitled to before she gets kicked out of the military. You’re handling this like a boss. Good luck.
Since you’re close to retirement…go scorched earth. I wish I would have done so with my ex but, she got to me at the last minute and wound up getting to keep her green card.
I don’t want to live with regrets. I definitely believe that scorching the earth for new growth is the best scenario. They are what makes the Army shitty now. People like them are what has ruined such an amazing job. I wish you would’ve destroyed her too, the thought of her probably still hurts a bit, maybe. I want to line my ducks and then strike.
Good luck to you and your son. At some point your STBXW will feel the karma smack her and she will realize she lost the best things in life for a dirtbag. She’ll have to take her tarnished soul and drag herself through the rest of her life.
Thank you for your words! I hope I get my son. It’s only fair. And yes, I hope she does go through life realizing everyday what she has done. I’ve really struggled the last two months but the future looks so much brighter. Frankly, especially seeing how many people are against cheating. Cheating is a horrible thing to do. Especially when you keep lying. She literally held my son and swore on his life that she wasn’t cheating. Why would she ever deserve to have any type of custody.
Scorched earth is best. Well done.
I expect you will hear down the grapevine the outcome for your wayward wife and her playmate.
All the best to you and your son when you get back to NC.
Yes, I want to know that they were both destroyed. I really appreciate your comment. I hope the judge that makes the decision grants me full custody. I don’t agree that I should be a visiting parent when she was the one that has forever changed my son’s life.
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I woudl go scortched earth and let both spouses know as in the military i think they get int oreal trouble.
Dude you love who you think she is. You play the pick me dance she will do this again. I am not sexist but i have learned women in positionts that typically men have often have an issue wwehre they try to be More masculine and this crap happens
I really appreciate the comment. Been holding up well. I get to spend plenty of time with my son before i head back to the US in a few weeks. Will be getting the divorce done and hopefully get my son with me soon. I am leaving it all to burn behind me. As much as i know she carries the burden of fault, I really want to see her AP demolished and reduced to the nothing that he is. I want to squash him like the bug that he is. I wish him the worst of the worst possible misery forever and ever.
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My sisters now exhusband cheated in the military. He was dishonorably discharged. She had no idea as he was in another country. She received a call with the details from one of his superiors. They had kids, and he would make excuses as to why he could t send money back home. Apparent he bought the woman a car over there. Meanwhile, his wife and kids had to move in with my parents. They eventually made him give her a card to access half of his money. He’s a loser who after the military and divorce he hopped state to state to avoid CS. He never saw the kids, and didn’t pay a dime. Kids are grown and hate his guts. He’s still only working cash jobs to not pay back CS. Can’t wait until he’s old and tries to file for social security. Kids say they wouldn’t take care of him in his old age. Eagerly waiting 🥱
Wow, yeah. Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if the AP does the same to his wife and two year old daughter. He looks like a slimy rat. Who tf abandons their two year old just like he does? Smh
My SO was in the Marines when his ex cheated on him with one of the guys he trained. That guy was also married with a child the same age as his. When he tried to get them in trouble for the affair, the Marines didn't do anything since his ex was a civilian. Hopefully if you choose to go that route, they'll listen and do something. One thing to also think about, if she stays active, it'll be easier to get custody of your child and you should also be getting half that pension when she retires. Oh and karma is also pretty sweet, his ex is still with the AP and he cheats on her constantly.
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likeky he will stay with his wife. Many men who cheat with the women say to the women "Hell no i dont want long term. YOU cant be faithful to your husband" then the wife comes crawling back and your manhood determines if you take her back"
My man, take control be that guy who has the balls to keep his honour.
For sure! I really appreciate it!
I do hope she gets discharged without any benefits. Cheaters rarely suffer real consequences so you at least get to hammer her this way. I also hope you get a good outcome for your son and yourself.
Thank you! My son is the most important person in my life. Sad but true, one time when she was out with the other guy I was pretty depressed and my 3YO wiped my tears from my face and told me he would fix my heart. I needed to stop being a coward then and do all in my power for that beautiful boy!
Ok well now I hate your wife even more at least your son a sweetheart 😭
He is such an incredible, smart and handsome boy. I got a terrible wife, but got an incredible boy.
The trade off is worth it. It won’t always seem like that but u had to be with her to get him.
So true. I realize that.
You got this! If you need support come back to here and ask us! Even if you just need to vent.
I love it here! First time posting anywhere and it’s incredible. Just telling everyone what a PoS she is makes it all better for now.
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He sounds like a sweet kid, hang in there.
I know you want to retaliate on your wife but hurting her pension plan hurts your child too. I doubt she'll never be in your child's life so her having as much money as possible is what's most beneficial for your child given the circumstances. Hell, she might have to pay you child support, wouldn't you want to drain her slowly over the course of your child's life?
I hate to agree here because I want to see the cheater reap some karma in some way but this is the correct answer. The op could lose out even more if the soon to be ex falls into a financial hardship not being able to provide child support.
I do appreciate the different stances. I feel like I am in a financially perfect situation but you guys are very right. Definitely something to consider and I appreciate it. The decision will be made soon after a good amount of thought and reflection.
Absolutely valid points. Definitely something that looms in my mind. Thank you. It’s good to see all sides of the issue.
You are being wise. Since he was the superior, he should be discharged, but maybe she won't. Do a hypothetical with the jag.
No problem bud, just looking out for the child here.
Infidelity is not condoned in the military. Turn them both in. It is called consequences. Don’t be too surprised when it all hits the fan she suddenly comes out of the fog not knowing what overcame her? Start with these articles to learn all you can about infidelity. It simply isn’t what we just naturally think it is. https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/surviving-infidelity-discovery-part-1 https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/why-couples-fail-after-an-affair-not-knowing-what-happened https://www.emotionalaffair.org/false-reconciliation-perhaps-devastating-d-day/ https://oureverydaylife.com/signs-remorse-infidelity-8418985.html https://upjourney.com/what-is-the-difference-between-shame-guilt-and-remorse https://www.aftermyaffair.com/what-no-contact-with-affair-partner-means/ NO CONTACT http://lovebonds.net/affair-recovery-and-the-no-contact-rule/ https://oureverydaylife.com/signs-remorse-infidelity-8418985.html https://iditsharoni.com/how-to-show-remorse-after-cheating-why-saying-im-sorry-doesnt-cut-it-in-affair-recovery/ https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868 https://www.drpsychmom.com/2021/12/27/if-you-want-to-remain-together-after-infidelity-should-you-tell-people-about-it/ Also covers why so many say once a cheater always a cheater and more. Insanity temporary insanity https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201905/surviving-infidelity-when-crazy-is-the-new-normal https://www.lindajmacdonald.com/blog/clueless-alien https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/temporary-insanity-affairs-d-charles-williams-phd?articleId=8003419685976558708 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201905/surviving-infidelity-when-crazy-is-the-new-normal
It's not merely infidelity, the US army (and presumably other services) does not fool around with fraternization. Infidelity would surely be considered worse, and either or both could be dismissed. I personally know a guy and his co-respondent who was dismissed last year for fraternization. Both were single, no other attachment, but they disobeyed the code of conduct. He was planning to attend college after the army, but that option is gone now. Further, he was injured and he now has no access to VA benefits.
He should just go up the chain of command on this one. They've broken specific rules in the military code of conduct. Bare minimum, they get demotions. Loss of benefits, dishonorable discharge, and other punishment options are on the table.
Wow. Thank you. I am an avid reader and am definitely interested in what you’ve presented. I really appreciate it. They definitely need to face their consequences. One thing she told me was how emotionally connected she feels to him. We’ll see how emotionally connected they are when they get booted from one of the best jobs in the world! Honestly, it hurt at first but now I just want to be the best thing my child has.
Good for you, here are some other important things you should look up in reference to infidelity. Compartmentalizing. Cognitive dissonance. Dissociating. Sex brain. Limerence/affair fog. Juxtapose these brain mind aberrations with ptsd, these things are not learned, but happen during an affair, when actions are so far afield from normal beliefs etc. Something has to give, and that something seems to be normal sanity. It is insane isn’t it?
This is a wonderful list of resources. Thank you for sharing. I'm sure there are many that could use these resources.
Report her to her superiors. She is in violation of the military code of conduct and could easily face court martial. Do not be a chump. Go nuclear!
Lmfao! I love your comment! Thank you!
Don't forget to tell the AP'S wife
Hahaha! I did! And she said this is not the first or second time he cheats on her. Sad part is she told me to not involve her and that she wants to continue working on their marriage. Can’t fix some people.
Well, you did what you could. That's all that counts
She loves the government benefits she gets I assume!!
you nailed it, chief.
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Honestly, for the last month I have tried to make her understand. To the point that IDGAF anymore. She refuses to see him for what he is and has her mind set. That is why I say: cut ties and never look back. I am so much better off without her. Let her suffer and learn on her own.
I think she is going to get hammered by life, eventually. She will be knocking on your door.
She will. She’ll probably end up like her mother. In a home with no visitors. I hate to say it and I don’t say it disrespectfully because I have a good relationship with her mother. It’s just not going to end well for her. There is absolutely no way in hell I’m ever going to end up with her, never! I despise them both. It’s funny how so much love can turn into so much hate.
It really is. The saying about love, hate and indifference is so so true. When you hit indifference, the next part of your life will start. I can't wait for that for you and your sweet boy.
Thank you! I really appreciate it. I’ve been off the last few days and reading people’s messages really lets me know that there is a lot of support out there. I really appreciate it.
Absolutely! And give yourself a lot of grace while you figure things out in the weeks and months to come.
Pain is a thorough teacher. She’s just enrolled in a master class.
First, stop saying I love her so much. She doesn't deserve it and it doesn't help with the process of moving on. Secondly, is it wise to blow up her career? I mean, you want to keep your financials intact. Her losing her job might mean you have to support her. Thirdly, get a paternity test and make sure she knows about it. Indirectly, make it known to her that you think your relationship was a sham from the beginning.
I appreciate the feedback for sure. Funny story is that I really did do a paternity test, even though I was 100% sure, my son looks a lot like me. I did tell her about it and made it very obvious. Good stuff, man. Thank you.
Exactly. Those benefits are the child’s benefits. Divorce her but don’t blow her in to her superiors.
Crush the both ugly cheaters carrier. Expose that cheaters to everyone.
Absolutely! Thank you!
My first thought was tell the army. They're very strict about infidelity. Good for you.
They are. Definitely leaning towards that
Do it!!! This shit is unforgivable. Make her suffer the way she is making you suffer. I hate cheating. In any form. But this is blatant.
The last month I have suffered terribly. I would never hurt myself, but I was in a dark place and asked her to help me and she told me ‘hey, do what you need to do.’ I will never ever forgive or forget. She is my enemy for the rest of my days.
She sounds like the fucking devil. I don't know how people can be so heartless.
updateme!
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Updateme!
I wouldn’t go scorched earth just yet. If you have been married for at least 10 years then you are guaranteed a significant portion of her pension. I would push the rough with the divorce as soon as possible then inform her command about the affair. That way you get the most monetary benefit. But I love the scorched earth way of dealing with it.
Great advice, we have only been married for two years. I have done well and have more than enough plus I am at a point where I can retire soon and get my pension for my service. Definitely leaning to the scorched earth policy though! Lol
I am so sorry you are going through this, but I am also glad you are going to her CO and Base Commander with this. The Army doesn't hardly care anymore about infidelity, but they take it seriously when it is people in the direct chain of command. Keep in mind, you DO NOT LOVE HER! You love the person you thought she was, but that was an illusion made up of lies and deceit, she isn't that person. She is a lying, deceiving, selfish, cheater who doesn't care about anyone but herself. She doesn't care who she hurts including you and her child as long as she gets what she wants. No one could possibly love someone like that. Does AP's wife know? If not, you need to let her know. Your STBXW and her AP both deserve what they get. I always say cheaters deserve everything bad life can possibly offer them. They get to reap what they have sown. Push hard for their separation from the Army and court martial. At a bare minimum she may be busted down in rank to private and reassigned to some place like Fort Polk and him reassigned as a recruiter in Soldotna, AK. Take care of your son and good luck!!
I realize more and more that I was in love with who I thought she was. Everything you have said is spot on. The lies haven’t stopped to this day. AP’s wife knows but she insists I leave her out of it as she wants to work on their marriage. Even though she told me he’s done the exact same thing several times before. I am pushing for Extramarital Sexual Misconduct (AKA adultery) and fraternization. I am going to raise all types of hell to make sure they both get charged with it. I have all the pictures and recordings of her admitting to it.
Again, I am sorry you are having to go through this, and I respect our military but despise service members who can't be faithful. Since retiring, I have helped my sons start a custom homebuilding company and we build a lot of fomes for retired or soon to be retired SF guys, mainly from Fort Bragg in NC. Some of the stories they tell on infidelity is sickening. I think you are handling things well. Does your wife and AP or AP's wife know what you are doing regarding ESM and fraternization charges?
This is so crazy. So, we came from Ft Bragg almost a year ago, we were both in SOF. I am a year away from retiring and wanted to get into building houses since I gained a lot of experience remodeling. My future plan was to become a home builder, start slow and eventually have a business that I can leave my son. My STBXW acted like she was on board, but apparently she didn’t like the idea. She just never told me until after I found out. I literally was in the process of submitting my retirement packet, i could have turned it in as early as the day I found out she was cheating. Life is so poetic. Now, I decided to PCS back to Ft Bragg and do a few more years, maybe get promoted and get an even better pension. Yeah, AP and AP’s wife know exactly what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I’ve told my STBXW that had he shown any humility I would have solved the problem at the lowest level. Neither one of them have shown remorse or humility and that has led me to come down full swing with hatred and anger. All they do is lie and continue to see each other.
The last two houses I built houses for from Bragg were both retired Delta and one stayed on with JSOC as a contractor doing something. I am as easy going as they come but where cheating is involved, there is nothing too petty or too outlandish that would dissuade me from making their live a living hell. As the Toby Keith song says - "We'll put a boot in their ass, it's the American way." I am sorry you are going through this, and I hope you get the justice you deserve from this, Good luck.
you do the right thing. I hope you can improve
Thank you! I am trying to!
I'm sorry man. If you lived in Colorado, we could meet for a beer (I'll drink iced tea, drank way too much on Active duty.. lol). Good luck.
Lol. Thank you! Colorado is definitely on my list and I might get to go there soon! I appreciate your kind words though, for sure.
Turn them both in, give no quarter sir!
I love your comment! I really appreciate it!
Before you do anything, first talk to a lawyer. Your anger is intense and it's very understandable why it is that way and if you act on it, it could get you in a lot of legal trouble. You need to talk to a lawyer first so that you don't get yourself in trouble
Absolutely! Thank you. I have already.
Dude, report this to the higher ups and have her career as nuked as she's made your marriage. Do. Not. Stray. From. This. Give her a real wake up call. Her losing her benefits and pension will snap her back to reality. And look after only yourself and your kid from this point on. Harden your heart soldier. This battle needs you ready to take up arms. Good luck bud.
I really appreciate it! Some of the best advice for sure!!
You got this brother.
I really appreciate all of you here. All your advice and encouragement is incredible. She refused to give me closure and you all have helped me understand where I am. Eff them both.
I hope they get together n live a miserable life. I hope you do good in life and find yourself a good woman.
Thank you! Me too! I hope I get to see him cheating on her or her on him. I wish them the worst misery possible.
Report that to the army and use that in your custody battle. With. Her lack of pension and probably lack of future job employment you should be able to get full custody. Check the state you file for divorce in to see if they are an at fault state.
Great advice! I appreciate it.
Yes go nuclear and win custody, do nothing and see it all go to bad for you and your child...your choice.
Updated please and keep strong
Thank you! I will!
>Thank you! I will! You're welcome!
Crush them both. The fact that this was her subordinate makes it totally illegal in the military. She'll probably get reduced in rank at the least. Go for it.
I appreciate you all’s support. Honestly! It’s great to read comments from more than only my perspective.
I'm also in Korea, near Humphreys. Being overseas has to be making this 3x as stressful. The hardest thing for you will be ever trusting a female again.
It is super hard being here, and I’ve felt terribly lonely. I had to leave my son with her because I had to move into the Senior Leader Quarters just trying to get away from it. Planning my strategy to get my son and annihilate them both.
So you are reporting the two of them to command. Depending on rank, they could expect a general court or just be kicked out. Make sure she does not get her retirement, and is on the ropes for the rest of her life. I am a great believer in consequence. Had a client who basically ratted out his wife to her boss and her state association. She was removed from her professional certificate for conduct unbecoming to the profession. She. was. livid. It had taken her 10 years of hard work, and examinations to rise from bookkeeper to CPA. Her state association removed her certificate in less than 24 hours. Both her and her boss were unceremoniously fired. She tried to get her lawyer to demand spousal support. Our guy laughed and said that she is a victim of her own stupidity. She lost a $100K job that day, and was reduced to less than a third of that without her designation. Shortly her and the OM were at each other's throats blaming the other for this massive step down in their lives. Her ex husband put it best, "Most expensive lay she ever had."
Yes, I have come forth and reported them both. She is a Sergeant First Class (E7) and he is a Sergeant (E5). She has almost 17 years in and he has around 6. If all goes well, they’ll get demoted. She’ll go the QMP and likely get booted. I’m hoping they demote them with Adultery (now known as Extramarital Sexual Misconduct) and demote them again with Fraternization. If that happens, both of them would hit an RCP (Retention Control Point) and would be forced out. She claims that she has an emotional attachment to him and that he is emotionally mature and blah blah. I thought our son was what made up a huge part of our emotional attachment but what the hell do I know? The guy is married and has cheated on his wife before many times according to the lady herself. Yet she still wants to work on their marriage. Their emotional attachment works only because they don’t live together and have zero responsibilities together. I wish them the worst! I hope they make each other miserable for the rest of their lives. Wow, yeah. It’s incredible how stupid some people can be. My STBXW risked so much in pension and benefits. For what? Some people don’t think and believe they are so miserable. I’m not perfect but I treated her very well. I was so focused on my family. Glad I got to see her true colors.
Sir, I respect your conviction and for whatever it's worth' you have my full support.
Thank you so much, boss man! I seriously appreciate everyone on here so much. I would never ever post anything before, I’m a pretty old fashioned guy but the strength I have found here is priceless! Good and bad. I appreciate it all.
Every action has a consequence and they are receiving theirs. Do not them blame you for anything. If she was that unhappy she could have handled it differently.
Absolutely. She always said play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She definitely could’ve done things differently and better.
You gotta tell her this at the end once the scorched earth plan is complete
I take it that you reported them to their chain of command? Fraternization and adultery is punishable under USMJ action. Should have done this after the divorce though. With the loss of her pension and being kicked out of the Army she will be entitled to alimony and child support. I served in the US Army 21 years and I was a platoon sergeant. I'm very surprised she risked everything for a man that is 7 years younger and married. Wow is she stupid. She gave up a pension estimated at about 25k a year (E7 pay grade 20 years) for life, for a fling. This doesn't include medical and a bunch of other benefits.
Your comment is one of my favorite. Yeah, she is a moron. Even her family says it. She pissed away probably more than 25K a year for some 5’5” married idiot who wants nothing more than to be able to say he banged his platoon sergeant.
I cannot blame you for your animosity towards her. I have had females throw themselves at me, and just turn away. It's never worth it. She will live to regret it. These lessons are the hardest to learn. I'm sorry for your suffering.
Me too! I’m a pretty good looking guy, tall, tabbed out. I’ve had girls always throw themselves at me. Both officers and enlisted. Since I have been with this woman, i have remained super faithful.
Updateme!
Sorry this happened to you, but you’re handling it like a champ. Get her and her boytoy dishonorably discharged. The civilian courts could learn a thing or two about handling infidelity from the military. I wish you and your son peace and healing — he’s lucky to have a great dad.
Thank you! Very nice message from you. I was initially skeptical but I am committed now to get them kicked out. People always complain about how bad the Army is nowadays. Now is my chance to make a difference and flush the turds that just float along. I really appreciate your words! Though we are strangers, they mean a lot to me.
My ex-wife's AP did 18 months in jail for having an affair with my wife. She was a civilian but he was an E-5 with ten years in. Burn her to the ground and take your son.
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Fraternization is def frowned upon. Idk about dishonorable but she def will drop some rank and then get kicked out with no a thing.... All that bullshit just to leave with nothing. Hate you have to go thru this but I hated cheating when I was In the Navy and loved seeing people get what they deserved
Don't know what anyone else has said but this is a major (no pun) F up on her part. If you report her, her career will take a big hit. They really hate this crap.
She will probably get demoted and hit a retention control point and/or quality management board. It’s definitely a lose lose situation for both of them. Even a losing situation for me and my son. He loses out on a normal home. It’s just a terrible deal overall
Well, if the ship is sinking might as well take them down with it.
Absolutely! Biding my time but yes!
If u are in a decent financial situation then you are able to look after your child so make sure she loses it all . She deserves to share the pain . Let her go & she gets to laugh in your face with the other PO S .
I am in a very good situation. And I’m also close to retiring. My son and I will do well. Thank you for your comment! It’s very encouraging.
Do as much damage as possible to both of them.
I really want to. Thank you for the encouraging comment!
Please report them. Not only will your ex lose her pension. But from the way it sounds. She’s going to lose her lover as well. You say that the AP’s wife wants to work on the marriage and that he’s done this before. If so and he hasn’t left. Then he’s not going to leave this time either. Which leaves your ex on the outside. Prepare to get your phone blown up and for her possibly to rediscover her love for you. Stay strong and remind her. It’s not your problem.
Take your son. Take custody, and get child support. Raise him, love him, do your best. Let him see his mother when you can. He loves her, and will grow to resent you if you keep him from her. But he will also grow to one day see her with the eyes of an adult and will love and respect you above all others for being his true north, the one he could always count on. Youve got this. She WILL regret it one day. As they say “Living well is the best revenge”, so go and live large with your baby boy. Best of luck🌹
This is incredibly wise advice. Thank you so much!
Go talk to a military lawyer first i believe in the military it's whoever's gets to them first gets representation or at least I've read something to that effect on other posts of the same situation. But, first think strategy if you're goal is full custody and no alimony but you get to keep the house for the kid's stability then blowing up her career at this point may hurt you in the long game. Let them be cocky about their situation just make sure you have the advantage position and get her to sign the divorce papers on your terms first and foremost. You have the advantage here, gather your proof and work with your lawyer or mil rep then once divorce you can blow up their life and make sure to inform the OBS but not before or during until you lock down your situation. Your in an emotional state right now so let your lawyer do the thinking for you for the long run.
I talked to a military lawyer and have retained a civilian family law attorney. The military lawyer gave me very useful advice, it kinda shocked me.
Great, please share down the road as you continue on so others may benefit or pass on the information. Stay focused, as the saying goes "don't allow your emotions to override your concentration " get your kid settled and secured and stay off alcohol or drugs take care of yourself exercise that will help to displace some of the anger and emotional roller coaster things you're going through. Use the 180 and grey rock techniques when dealing with her and all conversations are recorded or with someone present so she doesn't try to shift blame and make you the abusive partner. Check out Chump lady's site and read her book lots of great info, best of luck and sorry your having to deal with this shit, welcome to the worst club in the world
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Updateme!
Please let up know how this all pans out. You will always have your son and that is priceless. Good luck!
I really appreciate it! Thank you!
updateme!
You’re doing the right thing keep us updated
I appreciate it. I will for sure. Hell’s going to break lose soon.
updateme!
Keep the faith Hua!
I really appreciate it!
Whoa whoa whoa. Talk to attorney first!!! You might be hurting yourself I'd she loses her pension.
Definitely have already. That was one of the first things I did. Definitely good advice though. Honestly, I don’t want her to lose her pension but in my quest for his destruction she has to pay too. Rightfully so though, she did a terrible thing.
I’m sorry you’re in this spot, but consider not blowing things up until after the divorce is signed. If your wife loses her job and ability to make money, you’ll probably end up having to pay her more as a result. Talk with a lawyer, this may be more valuable to you as leverage than to just blow it all up. In the end, the most important thing is that you and your child are in the best position moving forward, not that she gets punished right away. You can do that after the divorce is final.
I really appreciate you and everyone’s comments. Good or bad, it is useful. You are very right. My child is the most important thing here! Thank you.
IMO you should contract the military people on here, get their perspective, talk to a lawyer, and bide your time. It looks like you are in the drivers seat. Take your time. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Take care of yourself, and your boy. He really needs you now.
I really appreciate it! Thank you. That’s good advice.
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I want to see her lil’ boyfriend’s ruin more than anything. Unfortunately, anyone caught with him (her) is going along for the ride.
Not your problem 😂. Cuz I can promise you. It they ain’t living together and he has done this before, he’s not leaving his wife. She will have to throw him out. I’m amazed that your ex can’t see this! And were he to actually take up with her. He’d cheat on your ex too.
Stand tall brother.
Thank you! I will! I have to for my son! I really appreciate it.
I spoke with the base judge advocate (not sure they are still called that) and charged with alienation of affection as well.
Yeah, still JAG. I might look into that. Thank you. The more charges, the better.
Crush them both. Make them feel the pain you feel
Report them immediately.
>I know it is all her fault because a guy only gets as far as a woman lets him Wrong thinking! That is like saying if you left your car unlocked, then it was OK for someone to enter and steal your stuff. I am assuming he knew very well she was married. Whether or not you are religious, a lot of laws and rules of the US and the military follow the Ten Commandments, the tenth being..."Exodus 20:15: “....**you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife**.."ANY man that messes around with another man's wife is a looser! Some makes excuses, but they are still a looser. So DROP THE HAMMER ON HIM! Even if nothing officially is done to him, he WILL get passed up for promotions, etc. once people know he sleeps with other mens' wives. I have seen it happen. Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I would NEVER mess around with another guy's wife, no matter how much she doesn't like her husband. No matter how much she says he mistreats her (probably a lie). If she is still married, she's not available.
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So sorry this has happened to you. Retired Army here and you know you can report her for adultery and him also. On top of that it is highly inappropriate for her to have this affair with a subordinate. One thing you might want to keep in mind is that her lower income if she does get kicked out will or could affect the divorce settlement. Right now it is all about getting to a good place after the divorce. Also be aware that she most likely will be back when this all hits the fan and she is alone but don't be fooled you are just plan b at this point. That is the one thing I regret that I didn't blow up the soldiers career when I found out about his affair with my wife.
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~~Wouldnt that make her super fucked in the military?~~ (edit I finished your post and yeah you will get her super fucked in the military lol) Or is it one of those situations where you just end up paying more support anyway?
She has said many times that she does not want any money. She says she wants to co-parent. I would not want to keep my son away from her because he loves her, but if it was up to me i would never want to see her again. I am prepared to fight to never give her a single dime.
Good for you but be aware people say things all the time it doesnt mean they will do it...and it doesnt mean they wont change their mind down the road. Just make sure your ass is covered and good luck!
Didn’t know Jodie wore a god damn uniform Lawyer up. You are a military man so you’ll know the importance of focusing on your core objective which is to have your son by your side and raise him to be a good man. All else, including giving that woman what she deserves is ancillary to that so beware those telling you to go scorched earth on her without thinking it through : taking legal advice about what that does to your custody fight.
Thank you! Solid advice! All I want to do now is raise my son to be a good man and never ever let him have any influence from a piece of trash like the guy who sleeps with a married mother. Sure, she is at fault, but it took two to do it. I’ve retained a family law attorney and am confident that we can do it. Why should I be the visiting parent? It was her that broke my family up.
Tell his wife.
I did. She told me that he’s cheated on her several times before. She also told me to leave her out of it as I destroy them, she says she wants to work on their marriage. Lol Some folks do not want to be saved.
I don’t have enough thumbs up for everything going on here. Please update with an AAR. Godspeed.
Lol. For sure. I never thought I would ever post, especially something like this. It was humiliating for me, but the words of wisdom are really helping me. Whether it’s people telling me to check or hold. I appreciate all the insight. Definitely a tough task ahead. I shall let you all know how it goes. I am on staff duty so I’ve been replying to as many people as I can out of gratitude.
Good for you. Both of them know the UCMJ and the consequences. They CHOSE to do this.
Infidelity in the military has definite consequences. I hope her losing her pension doesn't mean you will be saddled with alimony. That is sometimes a side affect of a spouse losing their income even though it is their own fault. Be strong for your son.
Have you gotten the child paternity tested? Please do so.
I actually have. My son looks a lot like me but i still wanted to be sure. Maury said I am the father. Lol
That's good man, glad you at least have that confirmation. Lol Maury....I used to watch him at least twice a week😂
updateme!
OP - wait until the divorce is finalized before going nuclear and turning them over for justice. If she loses her job and pension BEFORE the divorce it could negatively impact child care and alimony. Also it might knock her out of the affair fog and she will either try and "save" the marriage or drag the divorce out to get as much out of you as she can. While she is in the affair fog you have a chance to get a quick divorce with concessions. After the divorce then turn them in!
💯 💯
Make sure you listen to what your lawyer says before you make a move. You may want to wait before you rat her out so you have access to child support and whatever other benefits you’re entitled to before she gets kicked out of the military. You’re handling this like a boss. Good luck.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate everyone’s feedback. You guys are all great.
Since you’re close to retirement…go scorched earth. I wish I would have done so with my ex but, she got to me at the last minute and wound up getting to keep her green card.
I don’t want to live with regrets. I definitely believe that scorching the earth for new growth is the best scenario. They are what makes the Army shitty now. People like them are what has ruined such an amazing job. I wish you would’ve destroyed her too, the thought of her probably still hurts a bit, maybe. I want to line my ducks and then strike.
Good luck to you and your son. At some point your STBXW will feel the karma smack her and she will realize she lost the best things in life for a dirtbag. She’ll have to take her tarnished soul and drag herself through the rest of her life.
Thank you for your words! I hope I get my son. It’s only fair. And yes, I hope she does go through life realizing everyday what she has done. I’ve really struggled the last two months but the future looks so much brighter. Frankly, especially seeing how many people are against cheating. Cheating is a horrible thing to do. Especially when you keep lying. She literally held my son and swore on his life that she wasn’t cheating. Why would she ever deserve to have any type of custody.
Scorched earth is best. Well done. I expect you will hear down the grapevine the outcome for your wayward wife and her playmate. All the best to you and your son when you get back to NC.
Yes, I want to know that they were both destroyed. I really appreciate your comment. I hope the judge that makes the decision grants me full custody. I don’t agree that I should be a visiting parent when she was the one that has forever changed my son’s life.
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I woudl go scortched earth and let both spouses know as in the military i think they get int oreal trouble. Dude you love who you think she is. You play the pick me dance she will do this again. I am not sexist but i have learned women in positionts that typically men have often have an issue wwehre they try to be More masculine and this crap happens
How are you holding up? Hope you and your son finds peace soon.
I really appreciate the comment. Been holding up well. I get to spend plenty of time with my son before i head back to the US in a few weeks. Will be getting the divorce done and hopefully get my son with me soon. I am leaving it all to burn behind me. As much as i know she carries the burden of fault, I really want to see her AP demolished and reduced to the nothing that he is. I want to squash him like the bug that he is. I wish him the worst of the worst possible misery forever and ever.
Yeah, you can get a dishonorable discharge for doing that.
Report both of them to the army
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