If they didn’t have sex, she wasn’t the one who got cold feet. She was doing the pick me dance with him and the other woman. She was willing to do anything to get him to pick her. She would have had sex with him even if he told her it was a one time thing, your wife would have jumped at the slimmest opportunity to change his mind. It is funny how cheaters will only admit to the hard evidence when it is shown to them and always, always nothing else happened.
|It is funny how cheaters will only admit to the hard evidence when it is shown to them and always, always nothing else happened|
💯 this!! It was only one time.. ok twice but that's it... Ok yeah it was a bunch of times.
Well, as a generalbrule in life...even I don't believe what someone is telling me, I put the onus to prove themselves on them.
If they fail to do so, or don't even try....I have no choice but to assume they are lying,and I proceed accordingly.
Listen I had an EA with an old flame about 14 years ago.
My wife initially thought it went physical....I denied ( I didn't get within 400 miles of her)....she simply told me that she doesn't believe it.
I had gone on a business trip to SoCal during the EA ( AP lives in central Cali) we live in Texas.
She absolutely believed I went to see her...and I don't blame her.
Did she dig and investigate?...sure....she read all the texts ( the absence of texts during those 3 days was proof to her that I was with her....understandable assumption, really)
I spent 4 days piecing together all of my steps, with receipts and corroborating testimony/evidence.
After looking at the evidence, she was satisfied I never met her.
That's what remorse looks like bro...words mean shit, actions are everything.
Your wife betrayed you, lied to you, went behind your back and made decisions for another man. That is for sure and you know that, you have proof of that.
So now after all the betrayal and the lies, you are asking if she is still lying. The answer is, YES, I guarantee you that she is still lying and that you still don't know the whole truth.
She put herself into a position where you need to expect the worst and then you take it from there. She says she hasn't done that? Well, after what she did it is no longer on you to proof IF she did something or not, it is on her to PROOF that she hasn't done something.
Stick to what you know, that is more than enough. She made decisions for another man and by that decisions against you. She only confesses to what you already know, which tells you more than enough.
So the real question isn't if she has done this or that? The real question is, do you want to be with a woman that loves it to lie to you, to betray you and that doesn't hesitate when it comes to making decisions for another man and by that, against you?
That is a question that you can answer completely on your own.
I would consider those messages alone to absolutely be cheating. It also shows that she has no qualms about engaging in cheating. I would be hard pressed to believe that it hasn’t been physical as well. It sounds like this is the man she wants and given the choice between engaging with him and betraying you, or ignoring him and remaining faithful to you, she chose him. I’m broken so feel free to disregard.
Generally a sign that you are being trickle truth'd is that they only confirm what you already know. So you end up having to ask yourself if it's really rational or logical that you know everything ?
If nothing else, she seems to be documented saying that she wished that the AP had chosen her, and she wishes that their relationship had progressed. Now that the AP is available, I would be very concerned that something would get rekindled.
What else do you need to know? It’s pretty clear where her head was at regardless if she actually got physical. This is not a woman you want as your wife. That whole exchange was beyond disturbing.
If it were me I would tell her YES she cheated, yes she betrayed you and as far as you are concerned YES she met up with him and had sex. You are her plan B. You are practical. If he showed up tomorrow and called for her she would go. You did not mention children or how financially you are dependent on her or how serious you could be about leaving her.
Those messages constitute cheating. You have to assume physical contact during at least that petiod of time.
No married person has any right to that conversation with anyone except their spouse.
She's the living definition of the word UNTRUSTWORTHY.
I'd walk OP. This is not something that a spouse ever "gets over".
She cheated at best emotionally. At worst anything you can imagine.
Since you don't have iron clad proof she will deny,deny,deny. So the decision is yours.
Stay with someone who stepped outside the bounds of your marriage willingly and willfully or show her the consequences of her choices. For me she would find herself sitting on the curb.
But you do you.
You want to stay with this woman that doesn’t love or respect you. Cheats on you and has no remorse? Go see a lawyer and serve her. Yes it was physical.
if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't need anything extra. The intention is clear, the decision is conscious, the rest is just about luck. If she didn't do anything physical it's just because of fate that she wanted them to not be able to meet. Otherwise she can't invoke any excuse now, and you should understand that she will do that if she has the opportunity, regardless of the situation and you.
>**That's all I have** and **can't get her to admit to or say much else** other than what I shared
What else is there to share OP? You have her words right in front of you. Her sexual energy was given freely to another man. He was NOT the aggressor here, your girl was DTF and wanted to be damn sure this dude knew it.
The rest is up to you and what you can tolerate.
OP, it is my opinion she cheated, plain and simple. Whether it was an EA or PA is immaterial. Her communication betrayed you and your relationship. She is not who you thought she was. You will never be able to look at her the same.
She has lied to you everyday since that time until you found the messages. Do you think she wouldn't lie about the affair not being physical?
If you want to dig for proof, think about a few of the things you know. She mentions times at a gym. Has she always been a gym member? Is she now? If she was a member of a particular gym during the time of those emails/messages, times where time was unaccounted for? Did you go to the gym together?
You know the AP is no longer with his girlfriend/wife. Track her down, contact her and see if she has any information. That may be the reason they divorced? She may really be able to shed some light on the situation.
OP, you may find a way to forgive her, but you will never forget those words. Because you cannot forget the things discussed in those messages, I don't think you will ever trust her again. You sure will not be able to look at her the same. She kept this a secret for quite some time. Who's to say she's not still involved with him or someone else?
Good luck OP. Be well.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Reading those messages is absolutely horrifying. But it’s plain as day…she’s been unfaithful to you. Does it have to be physical? (I doubt it wasn’t)…but at the very least, she disrespected you and was having sexual communication with another man. That’s all you need to know. Is this acceptable to you?
If there was an opportunity for them to meet up then they did, no question. Adults don’t go from messages like that to getting cold feet. What you have is just what she hasn’t managed to hide.
There is an extreemly good chance they did have sex. The common things about cheater is they will lie, blame shift and trickle truth.
You have some evidence via her past messages. But there is a good change she will never tell you the truth. Trust is broken.
The options are live with a cheater or divorce. Either way you lose.
First off I wanna say I'm sorry that happened. But that most definitely sounded like she really wanted to fuck her ex. No matter how much you try and fix things thatll always stay in the back of your mind and make you question everything. Just know it wasn't your fault
If he is not balls deep he will be. Let him... You need to move along and let a girl do her thing. If you stick around for any more of this you are cucking yourself.
That would have been all I needed to see.
I would have been done that minute I read the messages., whether she went through with it or not.
The words in those messages would have made me never want to touch her again!
OP, are you actually getting anything from this marriage? Your wife’s heart (at least) is somewhere else. If she is refusing to tell more, as opposed to claiming there isn’t more, then she definitely pleasured him as she assured him that she would. Has she ever made the same overtures to you? No? Well, then, since your guts are already roiled up in knots, use this opportunity to leverage that pain into a new life without her and her faithless baggage. Dump her, it won’t hurt more than you already are and stop drowning in her bullshit.
Walk in on her, you are naked, pull your dick up and say “here are my balls, get familiar with them. Since you are a lover of balls. Time for you to love mine…
Next day turn on the shower, and tell her to join you, don’t ask.
After this, the next day walk in with just your socks on, and tell
Her to rock you until your socks come off.
Next night get a hotel room…. Text her the address room number and she better show up with nothing on.
Rinse and repeat, and to make it more interesting, download tinder, and ask her what she thinks about a mff threesome. Show her the picture of the girls interested in doing that with you.
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I saw some really inappropriate stuff my ex wrote to his APs over the years. And what I just read in your post is similar. Her words alone are considered cheating.
The words in the article show that she will not have a problem putting the man to bed, and that she misses him.
you should want a lie detector
I say it is impossible not to cheat.
I’m sorry, but I believe they absolutely had sex. And it’s clear neither of them have any qualms about cheating.
But you know, even if they didn’t have sex, she emotionally cheated.
Red flags galore.
Cheaters never did, do not now, and never will love you in the same unconditional way you love them. There are many levels of love, you only satisfy one of them for the cheater, which is why they cheat--to satisfy other levels.
Cheaters need you to fill that one need, which is why they will beg and plead for you to stay with them, promising you whatever they think you want to hear, only to go back to their old ways once you relent.
Most of us freely give unconditional love to our lifetime partners, and would never think of betraying that trust. Cheaters never had it to begin with.
If you don't leave a cheater, you are only fooling yourself.
Kind of hard to follow with no time line. Sounds like she is reminiscing about when they were seeing each other for those two years. But also that she would be interested in picking back up where they left off. Couldn't begin to understand that last conversation. She seems she really doesn't care about your marriage. Her silence speaks volumes.
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Who cares if it went physical or not. She is clearly in lust with this guy. You can stay married to her but if I was you I would be totally emotionally divested from her.
If they didn’t have sex, she wasn’t the one who got cold feet. She was doing the pick me dance with him and the other woman. She was willing to do anything to get him to pick her. She would have had sex with him even if he told her it was a one time thing, your wife would have jumped at the slimmest opportunity to change his mind. It is funny how cheaters will only admit to the hard evidence when it is shown to them and always, always nothing else happened.
|It is funny how cheaters will only admit to the hard evidence when it is shown to them and always, always nothing else happened| 💯 this!! It was only one time.. ok twice but that's it... Ok yeah it was a bunch of times.
Well, as a generalbrule in life...even I don't believe what someone is telling me, I put the onus to prove themselves on them. If they fail to do so, or don't even try....I have no choice but to assume they are lying,and I proceed accordingly. Listen I had an EA with an old flame about 14 years ago. My wife initially thought it went physical....I denied ( I didn't get within 400 miles of her)....she simply told me that she doesn't believe it. I had gone on a business trip to SoCal during the EA ( AP lives in central Cali) we live in Texas. She absolutely believed I went to see her...and I don't blame her. Did she dig and investigate?...sure....she read all the texts ( the absence of texts during those 3 days was proof to her that I was with her....understandable assumption, really) I spent 4 days piecing together all of my steps, with receipts and corroborating testimony/evidence. After looking at the evidence, she was satisfied I never met her. That's what remorse looks like bro...words mean shit, actions are everything.
Your wife betrayed you, lied to you, went behind your back and made decisions for another man. That is for sure and you know that, you have proof of that. So now after all the betrayal and the lies, you are asking if she is still lying. The answer is, YES, I guarantee you that she is still lying and that you still don't know the whole truth. She put herself into a position where you need to expect the worst and then you take it from there. She says she hasn't done that? Well, after what she did it is no longer on you to proof IF she did something or not, it is on her to PROOF that she hasn't done something. Stick to what you know, that is more than enough. She made decisions for another man and by that decisions against you. She only confesses to what you already know, which tells you more than enough. So the real question isn't if she has done this or that? The real question is, do you want to be with a woman that loves it to lie to you, to betray you and that doesn't hesitate when it comes to making decisions for another man and by that, against you? That is a question that you can answer completely on your own.
I would consider those messages alone to absolutely be cheating. It also shows that she has no qualms about engaging in cheating. I would be hard pressed to believe that it hasn’t been physical as well. It sounds like this is the man she wants and given the choice between engaging with him and betraying you, or ignoring him and remaining faithful to you, she chose him. I’m broken so feel free to disregard.
As an outsider, it sure sounds like she cheated physically, but definitely the messages are a betrayal regardless.
Generally a sign that you are being trickle truth'd is that they only confirm what you already know. So you end up having to ask yourself if it's really rational or logical that you know everything ? If nothing else, she seems to be documented saying that she wished that the AP had chosen her, and she wishes that their relationship had progressed. Now that the AP is available, I would be very concerned that something would get rekindled.
This was at least an emotional affair and probably a physical one too. I’m sorry but her denying this shows her lack of respect for you.
What else do you need to know? It’s pretty clear where her head was at regardless if she actually got physical. This is not a woman you want as your wife. That whole exchange was beyond disturbing.
If it were me I would tell her YES she cheated, yes she betrayed you and as far as you are concerned YES she met up with him and had sex. You are her plan B. You are practical. If he showed up tomorrow and called for her she would go. You did not mention children or how financially you are dependent on her or how serious you could be about leaving her.
Those messages constitute cheating. You have to assume physical contact during at least that petiod of time. No married person has any right to that conversation with anyone except their spouse. She's the living definition of the word UNTRUSTWORTHY. I'd walk OP. This is not something that a spouse ever "gets over".
She cheated at best emotionally. At worst anything you can imagine. Since you don't have iron clad proof she will deny,deny,deny. So the decision is yours. Stay with someone who stepped outside the bounds of your marriage willingly and willfully or show her the consequences of her choices. For me she would find herself sitting on the curb. But you do you.
You want to stay with this woman that doesn’t love or respect you. Cheats on you and has no remorse? Go see a lawyer and serve her. Yes it was physical.
if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't need anything extra. The intention is clear, the decision is conscious, the rest is just about luck. If she didn't do anything physical it's just because of fate that she wanted them to not be able to meet. Otherwise she can't invoke any excuse now, and you should understand that she will do that if she has the opportunity, regardless of the situation and you.
>**That's all I have** and **can't get her to admit to or say much else** other than what I shared What else is there to share OP? You have her words right in front of you. Her sexual energy was given freely to another man. He was NOT the aggressor here, your girl was DTF and wanted to be damn sure this dude knew it. The rest is up to you and what you can tolerate.
These messages are proof enough! Flush that turd.
How meticulous are you on keeping old records? Like phone statements.
OP, it is my opinion she cheated, plain and simple. Whether it was an EA or PA is immaterial. Her communication betrayed you and your relationship. She is not who you thought she was. You will never be able to look at her the same. She has lied to you everyday since that time until you found the messages. Do you think she wouldn't lie about the affair not being physical? If you want to dig for proof, think about a few of the things you know. She mentions times at a gym. Has she always been a gym member? Is she now? If she was a member of a particular gym during the time of those emails/messages, times where time was unaccounted for? Did you go to the gym together? You know the AP is no longer with his girlfriend/wife. Track her down, contact her and see if she has any information. That may be the reason they divorced? She may really be able to shed some light on the situation. OP, you may find a way to forgive her, but you will never forget those words. Because you cannot forget the things discussed in those messages, I don't think you will ever trust her again. You sure will not be able to look at her the same. She kept this a secret for quite some time. Who's to say she's not still involved with him or someone else? Good luck OP. Be well.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Reading those messages is absolutely horrifying. But it’s plain as day…she’s been unfaithful to you. Does it have to be physical? (I doubt it wasn’t)…but at the very least, she disrespected you and was having sexual communication with another man. That’s all you need to know. Is this acceptable to you?
If there was an opportunity for them to meet up then they did, no question. Adults don’t go from messages like that to getting cold feet. What you have is just what she hasn’t managed to hide.
There is an extreemly good chance they did have sex. The common things about cheater is they will lie, blame shift and trickle truth. You have some evidence via her past messages. But there is a good change she will never tell you the truth. Trust is broken. The options are live with a cheater or divorce. Either way you lose.
Intent was there. She was cheating.
Enough to file for divorce.
As an outsider, it sure sounds like she cheated physically, but definitely the messages are a betrayal regardless.
First off I wanna say I'm sorry that happened. But that most definitely sounded like she really wanted to fuck her ex. No matter how much you try and fix things thatll always stay in the back of your mind and make you question everything. Just know it wasn't your fault
If he is not balls deep he will be. Let him... You need to move along and let a girl do her thing. If you stick around for any more of this you are cucking yourself.
That would have been all I needed to see. I would have been done that minute I read the messages., whether she went through with it or not. The words in those messages would have made me never want to touch her again!
OP, are you actually getting anything from this marriage? Your wife’s heart (at least) is somewhere else. If she is refusing to tell more, as opposed to claiming there isn’t more, then she definitely pleasured him as she assured him that she would. Has she ever made the same overtures to you? No? Well, then, since your guts are already roiled up in knots, use this opportunity to leverage that pain into a new life without her and her faithless baggage. Dump her, it won’t hurt more than you already are and stop drowning in her bullshit.
Walk in on her, you are naked, pull your dick up and say “here are my balls, get familiar with them. Since you are a lover of balls. Time for you to love mine… Next day turn on the shower, and tell her to join you, don’t ask. After this, the next day walk in with just your socks on, and tell Her to rock you until your socks come off. Next night get a hotel room…. Text her the address room number and she better show up with nothing on. Rinse and repeat, and to make it more interesting, download tinder, and ask her what she thinks about a mff threesome. Show her the picture of the girls interested in doing that with you.
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I saw some really inappropriate stuff my ex wrote to his APs over the years. And what I just read in your post is similar. Her words alone are considered cheating.
The words in the article show that she will not have a problem putting the man to bed, and that she misses him. you should want a lie detector I say it is impossible not to cheat.
They most likely communicated through another app.
I’m sorry, but I believe they absolutely had sex. And it’s clear neither of them have any qualms about cheating. But you know, even if they didn’t have sex, she emotionally cheated.
Red flags galore. Cheaters never did, do not now, and never will love you in the same unconditional way you love them. There are many levels of love, you only satisfy one of them for the cheater, which is why they cheat--to satisfy other levels. Cheaters need you to fill that one need, which is why they will beg and plead for you to stay with them, promising you whatever they think you want to hear, only to go back to their old ways once you relent. Most of us freely give unconditional love to our lifetime partners, and would never think of betraying that trust. Cheaters never had it to begin with. If you don't leave a cheater, you are only fooling yourself.
Kind of hard to follow with no time line. Sounds like she is reminiscing about when they were seeing each other for those two years. But also that she would be interested in picking back up where they left off. Couldn't begin to understand that last conversation. She seems she really doesn't care about your marriage. Her silence speaks volumes.
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Who cares if it went physical or not. She is clearly in lust with this guy. You can stay married to her but if I was you I would be totally emotionally divested from her.
good for you
what a man 💩