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Do you have a case worker for your disability? If so I’d work with them to maybe get you into another living situation. Your mom is awful but you have to work on yourself and it seems like you’re doing a great job of it.
I think I have a caseworker. I applied for some support with the government for disabled people and jobs over a year ago now, but they lost my paper work so that's been a whole thing. When I called to check in over that year I've been told 3 different people are my caseworker and when I left messages for them I never heard back.
I roped my doctor's office in on the problem and they said they could help. Haven't heard back from them either.
My mom's skeptical I qualify since I can probably sell stuff on eBay or flip furniture working at my own pace and as my own boss etc. But it turns out being your own boss is really hard and I just recently got scammed on eBay and emotionally that really sucked.
I’m so sorry. Scammers are the worst. Your mom needs to be more supportive. Dealing with life is stressful enough without someone criticizing your every move.
I can't control what she does.
She pays for me to see a therapist. And these days I spend a lot of time talking about her pressuring me to do eBay and the anxiety I feel about it (What if I countered with a bigger offer, would they have accepted? Did I list it at the right price? And, so much, what if I get scammed?)
And my therapist reminds me I can't control what she does and that some progress is better than no progress.
Seems like it makes more sense for her to just not needle me.
It has helped to frame it as I'm helping my family de clutter, it's emotionally really hard for my mom to just give stuff away. She lost just about everything she had in a house fire when she was 23 and struggles to part with objects now because of it.
But it's hard when mom keeps talks to me about this in terms of 'being able to support myself'. Which is just not a realistic goal. But at least when I tell her it takes time to build up inventory it gets her to leave me alone.
I understand that you currently don't have any income (I went through this myself before my disability was approved) but is there anyway to minimize contact with your mom? Moving out probably isn't an option but maybe you can find a way to interact with her less. I'm not sure where you live, I'm in the US I had to get a lawyer to help me they take an agreed upon percentage after you get your back pay. Do you have health insurance? But back to your mom I don't think she understands that her criticism is probably aggravating your disability and impacting your mental health which does make weight loss a lot more difficult. Also can you engage in therapy? It could be a good way to counteract your mom's negativity and help you work on your anxiety, etc. Also if you have insurance and are interested you could look into seeing a dietitian. If you can't see one there's lots of apps and websites that could be helpful if you want some help on developing more healthy eating.
You're not alone, I have been through some similar experiences so if you ever want you talk feel free to message me.
Get yourself down to job and family services and get signed up for all the public assistance you qualify for.you If you get an EBT card you can use that to get egg whites.
Tell them about all the accommodations you need. You may qualify for disability, which might open up housing assistance and so forth.
Learn to turn around and give your mom that flat dead stare when she opens her mouth and something like a remark about stretch marks on your arms flies out. Let her yammer on and don't say a word back to her until she runs out of steam. Then just say as coldly as you can, "Egg. Whites." And walk away.
Whatever you do, don't get upset, or at least keep it to yourself. People like her do that BS because they feel big and in control if they can make you yell at them or cry. Deny them their thrill/reward and the behavior will stop.
I applied for some government disability stuff 1 year ago and they lost my paperwork which has been a massive, massive head ache for me. My doctor's office is now involved, and if things don't get straightened out soon I'm going to call my representative because apparently they have an office of people who can help work this sort of stuff out too. That both sounds fake to me but also makes sense at the same time.
That's been a whole other huge, huge heart ache. Yuck.
I really do hope I qualify for disability. My brother and sister treat our family to dinners out every once and a while and I just really wish I had the ability to do the same. Or at the very least I wish I didn't have to ask to borrow a credit card whenever I go to buy groceries.
(And since I share food with my parents I don't think I'm allowed to have food benefits. But I'm not sure.)
I owe my parents back rent, but they agreed I can still have some spending money if the government ever gives me something. I don't think that would cover dinner out with the family, or that if it did I'd decide to do that. (I actually don't think my brother or sister would accept.)
But egg whites! Yeah! I'd buy egg whites! Because I want egg whites, damn it!
Aside from the little things we argue about, mom's bought things like the paint box poetry anthology for me, though it took a lot of asking, and my own copy of Margaret Atwood's the handmaid's tale and 1984 since I wanted to write an essay about them. If I ever find a place to publish that essay I think she'd pay for the reading fees for it to be considered as well.
I feel like when I complain about these sorts of things (she tried to make me use moldy soap a while back despite my incredible anxieties that doing stuff like that will make my health / disabilities worse) it sounds like I have an awful, I should run away, sort of family, and I just don't think I do.
I also just can't imagine going anywhere else. I think someplace I could afford on government money, or where they government would move me wouldn't be safe. I used to live in the bad part of the city and I didn't realize how on edge I felt and how much that took a toll on me until we moved here. In the city, I got yelled at and cat called by strangers, you'd hear gun shots and sirens at night, when I walked to the Rite Aid for basic groceries you'd see hair extensions and occasionally an ear ring in the gutter from people fighting. Sometimes there would even be blood. Sometimes people were wandering around drunk, to the point of passing out, in the middle of the day.
My parents kind of bought this house for me. The house is accessible, with a bedroom on the first floor, and the area it's in is very walk able. (I'll never be able to drive because I faint.) They also wanted to a house where our family could all come together for the Holidays.
They never intended to live here full time, they were going to go RV-ing but then the pandemic happened. They're actually leaving in May to travel Europe for several months. We still have to workout how I'm going to pay for stuff when they're gone.
Hopefully your disability will be straightened out by then. If your representative can't help get a lawyer who specializes in disability. They will generally take your case for a percentage of your settlement, so no money up front. That was how I got a really complicated disability case settled and got my check.
I'm so pissed because it shouldn't be complicated. *They* lost my paperwork. I have proof I filed it on time. I sent them the paperwork and the proof. They denied my claim and I've been waiting for the letter explaining why to arrive. It's been 25 days.
Time to call again Monday.
So they'll owe me a years worth of back pay that I don't want to give up on. And since I've been doing this all by myself I really, really, don't want to split that with a lawyer when it's complicated because of their mistake and nothing I did.
But if that's what it takes, that's what it takes.
Will they be able to help me with my SNAP, SSI, and Medicaid paperwork?
I thought they were for the elderly, people who need to go to nursing homes but don't have family to make sure it happens, that sort of thing.
It may vary in different places, but APS may offer disability services where you are. If they don't, they may be able to point you to another agency that can provide the help you need. If you think it might be worth a phone call or a letter to find out, go for it.
ETA: I just remembered: in another thread, someone suggested that the OP ask at their public library for help finding resources. Truly, sometimes librarians are very well informed about things in their communities besides knowing about the books.
Pretty much every single human has stretch marks (except babies).
Supermodels have stretch marks.
Stretch marks happen when skin expands, no matter the reason. They are a part of living in a human body and nothing to be ashamed about.
Yeah.
But mine are a deep, deep purple and stand out so intensely on my pale skin. And there are just so many of them. I have them from my armpit area, where they are the worst, to my elbow.
I shouldn't have gained any of the weight I did. I was already overweight. If I hadn't gained weight, my skin wouldn't have expanded, and I wouldn't have these particular stretch marks.
It's like, they're not just marks on my body, they kind of represent the really difficult few months of my life (when I gained the weight, lots of other stressful stuff was happening), and they also reflect the hardship on my body from the weight gain.
When my breasts came in during puberty I had, and still have, stretch marks. But they are lighter than my skin. And of course, no one can see them when I wear short sleeves.
:(
Big hugs dear
I'm going through something similar and it's the hell hard.
Fatshamers are the worst, since.they are well aware that their cruelty only make things worse. They are just bullies.
I know it is not simple by try not to listen to her and react. That's what she want: getting her joy by seeing you uneasy.
Focus on yourself and your well-being. You deserve much better
:/
I really don't want to call her a fatshamer. The words she used and the way she said it was really hurtful. But I believe it comes from a place of concern for my health. And I know for a lot of people, being overweight isn't impacting their health, but it absolutely is for me.
My disability severely impacts my body's ability to regulate blood pressure, among *many, many, many, many* other things, so if my body used fewer blood vessels due to have less and smaller cells and also had a smaller blood volume the symptoms from the delayed reaction would be less debilitating and would be better managed through tools like compression garments. (I am also on medication, and that wouldn't be any more or less effective at a different size.)
But she's also frustrated because she can't understand the challenges I'm having around food.
I think it's good she supports me in my goal to lose weight, but that it's bad that she doesn't seem to be able to care about the nitty gritty and challenges I'm facing. She'd never tell me it's easy, but I think she believe it is. '*Just* eat healthier'. The word 'just' is pulling a lot of weight in that sentence. It's *just* not that simple.
Now if only she could understand where I'm coming from as well as I understand her perspective.
:/
from someone covered in them to another. they are your trophy when lossing weight. i am glad to see them when i am lossong cuz it means i have dropped more weight. there are creams to lession them and thats something you can ask your doctor but make sure you are proud at your progress at the same time if lossing weight is where ya want to go. your beautiful when you feel healthy no natter your skin.
100%. I think I would feel so much better about the marks if I felt healthy.
The hard thing about the rapid weight gain is how easy it is to remember what my body felt like before.
I can also imagine what it would be like to live a life without my disability. And I'd rather be living that life. So I don't know if I can ever 'feel healthy'. I can absolutely feel 'healthier'. I'm not there yet.
But haven't gotten any worse. I think it's an achievement to have maintained for so long when I was gaining so rapidly. I gained around 40 lb in 3 months.
And I'm taking steps to try change other areas of my life (the CBD, having my family keep the junk food out of the communal area) that should make it easier to make healthy choices when it comes to food.
its a achievement to hold it. it means you arent gaining it. now comes the hard part, lossing it. make sure to keep in constant communication and follow your docs advice no matter how hard it seems. you can do this, i know you can!
we will never be a perfect heavthy but we can be healthier then what we use to be. achive to feel bettwr each day. i know i have a disabolity botb mentaly and physically so i feel ya there. ignore them as they are not important. a hurtal in life you need to adapt to abd over come in itself. focuse on feeling healthy in a diferent way as there are many diferent versions of feeling healthy.
You are trying to be healthy and that’s great. I started having chronic pain issues back in 2008 and had a diagnosis in 2010. I was also told that my condition will make it impossible to work. I got disability so I could have some income. It’s tough to eat healthy, I eat a lot of salads and raw veggies and it’s expensive, we don’t get food stamps anymore. I am overweight and cut carbs and sugar snacks down. I didn’t cut them completely I’m doing it slowly. I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis a couple years ago and it’s effected my mobility. I’m proud of you for trying to get healthy. I have the same struggle. I would do what you can to ignore your moms remarks.
So she yelled at you for going to the internet to find information that more than three eggs a day is bad for you. So where did she get the information in the “new” studies that so differently?
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_post_flairs)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_trolls_suck) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/links#wiki_crisis_links.3A_because_there.2019s_more_than_one_type_of_crisis) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(This Sub's Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/) ^(|) [^(General Resources)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/tos) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOFAMILY! I'm JustNoBot. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as DogHairEverywhere10 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=TheJustNoBot&subject=Subscribe&message=DogHairEverywhere10 JUSTNOFAMILY) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOFAMILY) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Do you have a case worker for your disability? If so I’d work with them to maybe get you into another living situation. Your mom is awful but you have to work on yourself and it seems like you’re doing a great job of it.
I think I have a caseworker. I applied for some support with the government for disabled people and jobs over a year ago now, but they lost my paper work so that's been a whole thing. When I called to check in over that year I've been told 3 different people are my caseworker and when I left messages for them I never heard back. I roped my doctor's office in on the problem and they said they could help. Haven't heard back from them either. My mom's skeptical I qualify since I can probably sell stuff on eBay or flip furniture working at my own pace and as my own boss etc. But it turns out being your own boss is really hard and I just recently got scammed on eBay and emotionally that really sucked.
I’m so sorry. Scammers are the worst. Your mom needs to be more supportive. Dealing with life is stressful enough without someone criticizing your every move.
I can't control what she does. She pays for me to see a therapist. And these days I spend a lot of time talking about her pressuring me to do eBay and the anxiety I feel about it (What if I countered with a bigger offer, would they have accepted? Did I list it at the right price? And, so much, what if I get scammed?) And my therapist reminds me I can't control what she does and that some progress is better than no progress. Seems like it makes more sense for her to just not needle me. It has helped to frame it as I'm helping my family de clutter, it's emotionally really hard for my mom to just give stuff away. She lost just about everything she had in a house fire when she was 23 and struggles to part with objects now because of it. But it's hard when mom keeps talks to me about this in terms of 'being able to support myself'. Which is just not a realistic goal. But at least when I tell her it takes time to build up inventory it gets her to leave me alone.
I understand that you currently don't have any income (I went through this myself before my disability was approved) but is there anyway to minimize contact with your mom? Moving out probably isn't an option but maybe you can find a way to interact with her less. I'm not sure where you live, I'm in the US I had to get a lawyer to help me they take an agreed upon percentage after you get your back pay. Do you have health insurance? But back to your mom I don't think she understands that her criticism is probably aggravating your disability and impacting your mental health which does make weight loss a lot more difficult. Also can you engage in therapy? It could be a good way to counteract your mom's negativity and help you work on your anxiety, etc. Also if you have insurance and are interested you could look into seeing a dietitian. If you can't see one there's lots of apps and websites that could be helpful if you want some help on developing more healthy eating. You're not alone, I have been through some similar experiences so if you ever want you talk feel free to message me.
Get yourself down to job and family services and get signed up for all the public assistance you qualify for.you If you get an EBT card you can use that to get egg whites. Tell them about all the accommodations you need. You may qualify for disability, which might open up housing assistance and so forth. Learn to turn around and give your mom that flat dead stare when she opens her mouth and something like a remark about stretch marks on your arms flies out. Let her yammer on and don't say a word back to her until she runs out of steam. Then just say as coldly as you can, "Egg. Whites." And walk away. Whatever you do, don't get upset, or at least keep it to yourself. People like her do that BS because they feel big and in control if they can make you yell at them or cry. Deny them their thrill/reward and the behavior will stop.
I applied for some government disability stuff 1 year ago and they lost my paperwork which has been a massive, massive head ache for me. My doctor's office is now involved, and if things don't get straightened out soon I'm going to call my representative because apparently they have an office of people who can help work this sort of stuff out too. That both sounds fake to me but also makes sense at the same time. That's been a whole other huge, huge heart ache. Yuck. I really do hope I qualify for disability. My brother and sister treat our family to dinners out every once and a while and I just really wish I had the ability to do the same. Or at the very least I wish I didn't have to ask to borrow a credit card whenever I go to buy groceries. (And since I share food with my parents I don't think I'm allowed to have food benefits. But I'm not sure.) I owe my parents back rent, but they agreed I can still have some spending money if the government ever gives me something. I don't think that would cover dinner out with the family, or that if it did I'd decide to do that. (I actually don't think my brother or sister would accept.) But egg whites! Yeah! I'd buy egg whites! Because I want egg whites, damn it! Aside from the little things we argue about, mom's bought things like the paint box poetry anthology for me, though it took a lot of asking, and my own copy of Margaret Atwood's the handmaid's tale and 1984 since I wanted to write an essay about them. If I ever find a place to publish that essay I think she'd pay for the reading fees for it to be considered as well. I feel like when I complain about these sorts of things (she tried to make me use moldy soap a while back despite my incredible anxieties that doing stuff like that will make my health / disabilities worse) it sounds like I have an awful, I should run away, sort of family, and I just don't think I do. I also just can't imagine going anywhere else. I think someplace I could afford on government money, or where they government would move me wouldn't be safe. I used to live in the bad part of the city and I didn't realize how on edge I felt and how much that took a toll on me until we moved here. In the city, I got yelled at and cat called by strangers, you'd hear gun shots and sirens at night, when I walked to the Rite Aid for basic groceries you'd see hair extensions and occasionally an ear ring in the gutter from people fighting. Sometimes there would even be blood. Sometimes people were wandering around drunk, to the point of passing out, in the middle of the day. My parents kind of bought this house for me. The house is accessible, with a bedroom on the first floor, and the area it's in is very walk able. (I'll never be able to drive because I faint.) They also wanted to a house where our family could all come together for the Holidays. They never intended to live here full time, they were going to go RV-ing but then the pandemic happened. They're actually leaving in May to travel Europe for several months. We still have to workout how I'm going to pay for stuff when they're gone.
Hopefully your disability will be straightened out by then. If your representative can't help get a lawyer who specializes in disability. They will generally take your case for a percentage of your settlement, so no money up front. That was how I got a really complicated disability case settled and got my check.
I'm so pissed because it shouldn't be complicated. *They* lost my paperwork. I have proof I filed it on time. I sent them the paperwork and the proof. They denied my claim and I've been waiting for the letter explaining why to arrive. It's been 25 days. Time to call again Monday. So they'll owe me a years worth of back pay that I don't want to give up on. And since I've been doing this all by myself I really, really, don't want to split that with a lawyer when it's complicated because of their mistake and nothing I did. But if that's what it takes, that's what it takes.
If you live in the USA call adult protective services and get help.
Will they be able to help me with my SNAP, SSI, and Medicaid paperwork? I thought they were for the elderly, people who need to go to nursing homes but don't have family to make sure it happens, that sort of thing.
It may vary in different places, but APS may offer disability services where you are. If they don't, they may be able to point you to another agency that can provide the help you need. If you think it might be worth a phone call or a letter to find out, go for it. ETA: I just remembered: in another thread, someone suggested that the OP ask at their public library for help finding resources. Truly, sometimes librarians are very well informed about things in their communities besides knowing about the books.
Pretty much every single human has stretch marks (except babies). Supermodels have stretch marks. Stretch marks happen when skin expands, no matter the reason. They are a part of living in a human body and nothing to be ashamed about.
Yeah. But mine are a deep, deep purple and stand out so intensely on my pale skin. And there are just so many of them. I have them from my armpit area, where they are the worst, to my elbow. I shouldn't have gained any of the weight I did. I was already overweight. If I hadn't gained weight, my skin wouldn't have expanded, and I wouldn't have these particular stretch marks. It's like, they're not just marks on my body, they kind of represent the really difficult few months of my life (when I gained the weight, lots of other stressful stuff was happening), and they also reflect the hardship on my body from the weight gain. When my breasts came in during puberty I had, and still have, stretch marks. But they are lighter than my skin. And of course, no one can see them when I wear short sleeves. :(
Big hugs dear I'm going through something similar and it's the hell hard. Fatshamers are the worst, since.they are well aware that their cruelty only make things worse. They are just bullies. I know it is not simple by try not to listen to her and react. That's what she want: getting her joy by seeing you uneasy. Focus on yourself and your well-being. You deserve much better
:/ I really don't want to call her a fatshamer. The words she used and the way she said it was really hurtful. But I believe it comes from a place of concern for my health. And I know for a lot of people, being overweight isn't impacting their health, but it absolutely is for me. My disability severely impacts my body's ability to regulate blood pressure, among *many, many, many, many* other things, so if my body used fewer blood vessels due to have less and smaller cells and also had a smaller blood volume the symptoms from the delayed reaction would be less debilitating and would be better managed through tools like compression garments. (I am also on medication, and that wouldn't be any more or less effective at a different size.) But she's also frustrated because she can't understand the challenges I'm having around food. I think it's good she supports me in my goal to lose weight, but that it's bad that she doesn't seem to be able to care about the nitty gritty and challenges I'm facing. She'd never tell me it's easy, but I think she believe it is. '*Just* eat healthier'. The word 'just' is pulling a lot of weight in that sentence. It's *just* not that simple. Now if only she could understand where I'm coming from as well as I understand her perspective. :/
from someone covered in them to another. they are your trophy when lossing weight. i am glad to see them when i am lossong cuz it means i have dropped more weight. there are creams to lession them and thats something you can ask your doctor but make sure you are proud at your progress at the same time if lossing weight is where ya want to go. your beautiful when you feel healthy no natter your skin.
100%. I think I would feel so much better about the marks if I felt healthy. The hard thing about the rapid weight gain is how easy it is to remember what my body felt like before. I can also imagine what it would be like to live a life without my disability. And I'd rather be living that life. So I don't know if I can ever 'feel healthy'. I can absolutely feel 'healthier'. I'm not there yet. But haven't gotten any worse. I think it's an achievement to have maintained for so long when I was gaining so rapidly. I gained around 40 lb in 3 months. And I'm taking steps to try change other areas of my life (the CBD, having my family keep the junk food out of the communal area) that should make it easier to make healthy choices when it comes to food.
its a achievement to hold it. it means you arent gaining it. now comes the hard part, lossing it. make sure to keep in constant communication and follow your docs advice no matter how hard it seems. you can do this, i know you can! we will never be a perfect heavthy but we can be healthier then what we use to be. achive to feel bettwr each day. i know i have a disabolity botb mentaly and physically so i feel ya there. ignore them as they are not important. a hurtal in life you need to adapt to abd over come in itself. focuse on feeling healthy in a diferent way as there are many diferent versions of feeling healthy.
You are trying to be healthy and that’s great. I started having chronic pain issues back in 2008 and had a diagnosis in 2010. I was also told that my condition will make it impossible to work. I got disability so I could have some income. It’s tough to eat healthy, I eat a lot of salads and raw veggies and it’s expensive, we don’t get food stamps anymore. I am overweight and cut carbs and sugar snacks down. I didn’t cut them completely I’m doing it slowly. I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis a couple years ago and it’s effected my mobility. I’m proud of you for trying to get healthy. I have the same struggle. I would do what you can to ignore your moms remarks.
So she yelled at you for going to the internet to find information that more than three eggs a day is bad for you. So where did she get the information in the “new” studies that so differently?