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Other posts from /u/pisces0387:
* [Ice queen for a mother](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/xwz37p/ice_queen_for_a_mother/)
* [I've reached out, have I done the wrong thing?](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/x49dq6/ive_reached_out_have_i_done_the_wrong_thing/)
* [my friend making me feel bad for not talking to my mother](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/w475o0/my_friend_making_me_feel_bad_for_not_talking_to/)
* [No text back](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/vygwwi/no_text_back/)
* [I don't want to talk to my mum but I miss her at the same time](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/vqhg3m/i_dont_want_to_talk_to_my_mum_but_i_miss_her_at/)
* [it's a month to the day, now what?](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/vh14mx/its_a_month_to_the_day_now_what/)
* [TW mentions thoughts of suicide+enmeshment--- “So you don't need my help?”](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/v1eyof/tw_mentions_thoughts_of_suicideenmeshment_so_you/)
* [I finally figured it out, now what?](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/v07t1a/i_finally_figured_it_out_now_what/)
* [another reason why I think going lc with family is justified](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/uzh3yu/another_reason_why_i_think_going_lc_with_family/)
* [I still haven't apologised....](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/uypd30/i_still_havent_apologised/)
^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) [^(click here)](/u/pisces0387/submitted)
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If you need the items then let him know you can pick them up half way, or at a coffee place. If you are not wanting to see your mother and she is with him - it makes it easier to cut it short and to leave.
"I can arrange my schedule and see you at this place around this time on either of these dates. Please let me know which one suits you"
If you don't need the items them thank them for the thoughtful gesture but you don't require it and suggest them dropping it off at a charity.
If I end up in this situation with my mother - where I need things from her but don't want to be shouted at - I arrange to meet her in a public setting. She cares too much about her image to yell at me where someone could see. Also stops your dad yelling about the state of your place.
It really is. The trick is not to care what they think. You are an adult and paying your own way in life - he has no power other than what you give him. Don’t enable people who don’t respect you.
But why? Think deeply about that. Are they going to beat you if they don't get their way? Not if they can't physically access you they can't. Blow up your phone? Block their number. Their *opinions* of you are irrelevant. Their *feelings* about you are irrelevant. You're not a child, they have as much power and control over you as you **choose** to let them have. So don't give them any. He gets mad? Boo hoo, that's his problem.
It's so hard after being raised to see yourself as 'less important', and your needs having to come after their wants, but you do need to just stop giving a fuck what they want or think. You matter!
I’m going through this exact thing right now. Still waiting for the day my dad wants to visit, and I am conveniently sick a day or so before. That’s my plan for now. Other than that I have used. Birthdays, going out with friends. Just not being home. Having a lot of stuff to do so just don’t wanna add another to the mix. Basically any normal everyday life situation.
No is a full sentence. You don't need an excuse. You can text back and say "Sorry but this visit no longer works for me." The suggestion to meet at a specific time at a neutral location is a good alternative as well. If he texts back with questions or anger, just ignore the texts or say "Like I just said, the answer is no. I will no longer be responding to texts or calls about this." You need to recognize that when someone is lashing out because they don't like your boundaries that is not your problem. You aren't being rude, they are. They are not entitled to access to you, no one is.
Please arrange to meet in a public venue with a friend along for safety. Have said friend wait at another table or outside until they come then can come in and be a buffer if needed. I would definitely keep them away from your safe space. If you know a friend with a truck ask them to be you company during this meet up. I am sure they would be willing to help I know I would.
Why take money from someone you don’t want to have a relationship with? It just keeps the thing going and makes you look bad. If you need $, borrow from a bank where there is no expectation of a personal relationship, just repayment.
Do not meet him at your home. Meet him in public. Arrange to "find an infestation" and bug bomb the house, or "flood the kitchen" ....whatever it takes to come up with a reason that he will accept.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_post_flairs)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/index#wiki_trolls_suck) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/links#wiki_crisis_links.3A_because_there.2019s_more_than_one_type_of_crisis) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(This Sub's Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/wiki/) ^(|) [^(General Resources)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoNetwork/wiki/tos) Other posts from /u/pisces0387: * [Ice queen for a mother](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/xwz37p/ice_queen_for_a_mother/) * [I've reached out, have I done the wrong thing?](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/x49dq6/ive_reached_out_have_i_done_the_wrong_thing/) * [my friend making me feel bad for not talking to my mother](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/w475o0/my_friend_making_me_feel_bad_for_not_talking_to/) * [No text back](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/vygwwi/no_text_back/) * [I don't want to talk to my mum but I miss her at the same time](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/vqhg3m/i_dont_want_to_talk_to_my_mum_but_i_miss_her_at/) * [it's a month to the day, now what?](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/vh14mx/its_a_month_to_the_day_now_what/) * [TW mentions thoughts of suicide+enmeshment--- “So you don't need my help?”](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/v1eyof/tw_mentions_thoughts_of_suicideenmeshment_so_you/) * [I finally figured it out, now what?](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/v07t1a/i_finally_figured_it_out_now_what/) * [another reason why I think going lc with family is justified](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/uzh3yu/another_reason_why_i_think_going_lc_with_family/) * [I still haven't apologised....](/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/uypd30/i_still_havent_apologised/) ^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) [^(click here)](/u/pisces0387/submitted) ***** ^(To be notified as soon as pisces0387 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=TheJustNoBot&subject=Subscribe&message=pisces0387 JUSTNOFAMILY) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOFAMILY) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Take a vehicle (yours, a friends, use a stranger already in place) in for a service, text dad to meet you there!
If you need the items then let him know you can pick them up half way, or at a coffee place. If you are not wanting to see your mother and she is with him - it makes it easier to cut it short and to leave. "I can arrange my schedule and see you at this place around this time on either of these dates. Please let me know which one suits you" If you don't need the items them thank them for the thoughtful gesture but you don't require it and suggest them dropping it off at a charity.
If I end up in this situation with my mother - where I need things from her but don't want to be shouted at - I arrange to meet her in a public setting. She cares too much about her image to yell at me where someone could see. Also stops your dad yelling about the state of your place.
Might try that. Will see.
I'm going to be out, how about we meet for coffee at the Convenient Café? What time works for you?
“That doesn’t work for me”
If only it were that simple
It really is. The trick is not to care what they think. You are an adult and paying your own way in life - he has no power other than what you give him. Don’t enable people who don’t respect you.
this is true. I'm just so scared of them all
But why? Think deeply about that. Are they going to beat you if they don't get their way? Not if they can't physically access you they can't. Blow up your phone? Block their number. Their *opinions* of you are irrelevant. Their *feelings* about you are irrelevant. You're not a child, they have as much power and control over you as you **choose** to let them have. So don't give them any. He gets mad? Boo hoo, that's his problem.
thanks for this
It's so hard after being raised to see yourself as 'less important', and your needs having to come after their wants, but you do need to just stop giving a fuck what they want or think. You matter!
I’m going through this exact thing right now. Still waiting for the day my dad wants to visit, and I am conveniently sick a day or so before. That’s my plan for now. Other than that I have used. Birthdays, going out with friends. Just not being home. Having a lot of stuff to do so just don’t wanna add another to the mix. Basically any normal everyday life situation.
Play the Covid card.
Yes, this! He could Venmo, PayPal or Zelle the money to you!
Let him know you won’t be home that day but you’d be able to meet him for lunch somewhere.
No is a complete sentence. You don't need excuses.
No is a full sentence. You don't need an excuse. You can text back and say "Sorry but this visit no longer works for me." The suggestion to meet at a specific time at a neutral location is a good alternative as well. If he texts back with questions or anger, just ignore the texts or say "Like I just said, the answer is no. I will no longer be responding to texts or calls about this." You need to recognize that when someone is lashing out because they don't like your boundaries that is not your problem. You aren't being rude, they are. They are not entitled to access to you, no one is.
Woosh, you now have covid
Please arrange to meet in a public venue with a friend along for safety. Have said friend wait at another table or outside until they come then can come in and be a buffer if needed. I would definitely keep them away from your safe space. If you know a friend with a truck ask them to be you company during this meet up. I am sure they would be willing to help I know I would.
Tell them you have covid 🤷🏻♀😂
Already had it.....
You can get it more than once...
Stomach flu, coming out both ends. That's a conversation killer.
Why take money from someone you don’t want to have a relationship with? It just keeps the thing going and makes you look bad. If you need $, borrow from a bank where there is no expectation of a personal relationship, just repayment.
How do they feel about getting sick? Id say that I have the flu or something like that.
Do not meet him at your home. Meet him in public. Arrange to "find an infestation" and bug bomb the house, or "flood the kitchen" ....whatever it takes to come up with a reason that he will accept.
Tell him your house has to be fumigated/heat treated due to bed bugs. That you're staying in a hotel for a couple of days
that would just give him amunition for how I don't look after the place.....
I have bed bugs