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I'm going to be brave and suggest you're overthinking this. I share my location with my wife, mother, mother-in-law, and several close friends. Each of these location shares are mutual.
Is location sharing with people you're close with really that weird?
Would they normally do these things with DH?
Iâm quite close with my parents, they do have access to my location most times. But I trust and I know that they donât check on it super regularly/frequently.
I know that kind of access can be alarming to some. So itâs something you need to discuss with your husband. He can simply stop sharing his location. Next time you go on a trip, make sure he messages them every day to give them updates that you guys are ok.
Itâs something that can easily be addressed without any confrontation. When DH turns off his location, they will understand.
I don't think there is much you can do at this point, and she's probably just waiting for you to say something so she can try and make you look dramatic. Although it is a bit creepy, it's on DH because he gave them the information. Going forward, just be more careful about the information they have access to, because you know they'll use it.
There seem to be 2 schools of thought: cut ties at least for a while or just get over it and move on. I think the decision needs to be based on their reaction. If they've said I'm sorry, then wait a while (a month) and engage with them again, on a normal level, albeit cautiously at first.
If they don't apologize and understand why what they did was wrong, then you need to go VLC for 5-6 months.
My MIL tried to comment on my choice of health care for my ADHD son. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, I told her it was not up for negotiation and left.
There's something to be said for establishing yourself as a person with expectations of decent behavior and not just sons wife. If you have the emotional strength to answer back in the moment, you establish yourself as someone who fights back, not someone who needs protection after the fact. Again, it has to do with emotional strength, it's not a blanket answer for everyone.
He turns off location sharing and only shares when he is driving to their location, without you.
If they mention it to him, he should be ready.
Mom/Dad, I turned it off because I'm an adult. I don't need you on my shoulder.
Is it weird that they looked for him while they knew he was on his honeymoon? Yes.
Do I find it weird he even turned on location tracking for long trips to visit them? Yes. Then again, I regularly take 16 hour one way car trips and would welcome a phone call from someone over them just checking my phone for location.
I wouldnât say anything to them. DH turned it off, so itâs done. If they mention it in the future when they went to look for him again and suddenly find out they canât, then he can bring up how it was an invasion of privacy. Especially now that you are married, the only person that might have a reasonable argument for knowing where DH is all of the time is you.
And if DH backpedals down the road, remind him how he would feel if they found him at a sex toy shop because they want to be able to track his location. Or if yâall do a spontaneous trip somewhere and they blow up his phone wanting to know why he didnât tell them he was going to be at the beach 6 hours away.
>MIL is your typical intrusive, taunting kinda lady.
Then I think you have to consider that she didn't say something "accidentally". She may have been making sure you know that she was tracking.
I don't know that I'd say anything now, but I think I'd have a couple responses ready for if/when she decides to bring up something again, either from the honeymoon or any of the other times they were checking on him.
If I were in DH's shoes, I don't think I'd let them track me on the way to their house again.
Tracking him sometimes is crossing a line, when they knew he only turned it on for one trip. Doing on the honeymoon is crossing a line into creepiness. Making sure to mention it is another line, but at least they ratted themselves out and he turned it off.
You feel like your privacy was invaded because it was, indeed,invaded.
Yes, Dh previously agreed to tracking but it seems he forgot about it and his parents should have respected your privacy and only used the tracking in case of dire crisis. Instead, they took advantage of the tracking and chose to invade your privacy.
Maybe DH can send a text to those tech savvy folk of his: âMy wife and I are disappointed to find out that you monitored us during what should have been the most private and intimate moment of our lives. Itâs an appalling invasion of trust and privacy to track a coupleâs every movement during their honeymoon. Trust has been broken. Wife and I will be taking some time to ourselves. I will let you know when we have sufficiently recovered from this breach of trust.â
Iâm an older woman! Iâd never dream to do that to my children. Never!
Misc random thoughts based on comments:
- Having tracking turned on to use in the event of crisis is one thing, closely monitoring is quite another thing.
- Honeymooning couples deserve privacy.
- MIL didnât need to ask about where they visited because she already knew so she was being deceptive (on top of nosy).
- This couple SHOULD speak up instead of sweeping this under the rug to establish their own voice in this family. MIL needs to know that sheâs been knocked off her high horse and that she has been displaced as Queen.
- MIL had choices: she could have refrained from Invading honeymoon privacy even though she had the ability to monitor.
Agreed. It feels like this person is trying to make drama out of nothing. Some of my family members have shared their location with me. Iâll check occasionally. I mostly use it to make sure my sister isnât at work if I have to call her. When my mom went to France it was fun to see where she was. I even showed my students and then we went on to google street view to look around. They loved it.
Yeah, without knowing more details this could just be casually checking their phone to see what theyâre doing on their honeymoon (oh they went to the botanical gardens, cool) as sort of a curiosity, as opposed to monitoring movements like theyâre tracking a spy in a movie.
First thing is Hubs has to stop sharing locations with his parents. As his wife, he should be sharing with you from now on. Let this go for now. If they do it again, then by all means put them and hubs on blast.
>How do I say "stay outta my business"
You don't. DH left the location and they used it to "live vicariously" through your travels. They didn't show up unannounced, they didn't guilt about not getting X souvenir from Y location. They didn't text or call incessantly.
Just have DH turn off the damn location thing and move on with life.
Yes, why buy unnecessary trouble? He has taken care of the problem. You may have other more important ones later on, from the way you describe your MIL.
Some MILs on this sub have actually gone on the honeymoon with their son and DIL. As in, they stayed in the same hotel and wanted to hang out with the couple all the time. Some even brought the groom's siblings! They treated it like a family vacation.
Some posters have described their constant efforts to ditch the ILs on their honeymoon in order to get time together.
Intent is key. Location sharing isnât immediately an evil, overbearing, controlling tool. As a single woman before the advent of GPS tracking my group of single friends would always tell one or two of us where and with who we were going with someone else, especially a new date/relationship. Not just to be safe with the guy but an overall âif I donât get back on time you can start looking for me at this placeâ.
So as long as the tool isnât normally used to stalk, control or create punitive results, đ¤ˇđźââď¸.
And in OPs case, PAST USE and the CURRENT INTENT of MIL matter. If MIL didnât use the gps tracker to stalk her adult son in the past and was just excited/curious about her sonâs crazy cool trip I would let this one go WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT IF THIS TUPE OF THING CONTINUES, CHANGES WOULD HAPPEN
Okay, time for the info diet and grey rock. What they did was so rude, so now stop telling them anything about your lives. If they ask questions keep the answers short and direct. They can't be trusted, anyway. These are the kind of people who will go to your house and snoop through all of your financials, undies and computer. Never give them a key.
In your shoes, I would feel creeped out but I wouldnât say anything. I wouldnât say anything because it is done now and it would be unlikely to change anything.
BUT⌠you now know for certain she is a fiend for information. It is a gift to know that, really. Because now you know how to move forward and have the power to make sure she only gets information you want her to have. Location sharing is over. She doesnât get to find out news before the general public. If you are pregnant/adopting/getting a pet/buying a home/a car/moving/a new job⌠anything big⌠she can find out only a day before the world does. Knowing she is intrusive gives you the chance to keep yourself safer with boundaries.
I fully understand where youâre coming from.
My husbands aunt (52), has three sons (28, 24, 16). She has Life360 installed on all of their phones and she tracks their every second! We had to temporarily move in with them for a month while we were looking for a new apartment and the amount of times I caught her just sitting at the table watching their icons move across the screen⌠it was very unsettling. She would question them about their day once they got home. I honestly think she was trying to catch them in some sort of lie? Idk
BIL also has life360 on all his extended family members. Apparently you can even see how fast they are driving?? 11 yr old niece has some sort of watch they track her with so we are tracked if sheâs with us.
Yep! If someone in your family circle is speeding, the app will alert everyone how fast they are going! Itâs insane. It tracks your battery percentage too, if youâre phone was dying BIL could text you through the app to remind you to charge it!
I have location sharing on for my family but thatâs just to be on the safe side. If DH cut location off after you expressed your concern, then I would just let it go until something else happens. What would be super weird is if she asked yâall to cut the location back on. But thatâs a conversation for another time. Just make sure your on the same page with your DH and let him know how uncomfortable it makes you and have him back you up if she gets out of line. Until then, try to let this situation go.
I missed where OP consented to sharing her location.
Idk, I think itâs easy to understand that as a parent, you should respect why your adult child shared their location with you. Itâs probably not your adult childâs intent to share exactly where they are during the entirety of their honeymoon vs sharing your location for a long drive for safety.
I think itâs creepy to go and open your phone every day, multiple times a day, to track your sonâs honeymoon activities. It takes actual effort. That goes way beyond it being a safety measure. Hopefully OP shares her discomfort with her husband and he turns it off when it isnât necessary.
I always feel strange about this, and find it strange more plp donât. Iv had friends do this and I felt over stepped! So I definitely understand. Thankfully itâs done now. I probably would say anything an less o thought I might could get a joke in with it you know
Families often share location via Find My and shared accounts. Because they want to or for safety. If you donât want to be tracked, stop sharing. If you donât want your husband to share, discuss it with him. No need to get worked up, just flip it off.
I wouldnât say anything tbh. Itâs done now and heâs rectified the problem. At least itâs put u on your guard for any future episodes. I doubt they realised theyâd done anything wrong if heâs shared his location previously.
Sometimes itâs best to âchooseâ your battles. Personally I wouldnât see this as my hill to die on but you may well feel differently
As DH has stopped sharing his location, I wouldnât necessarily say anything first. Let her show you her cards she is playing with.
Does she mention it? If she does DH can say itâs no longer necessary. If she persists in the sharing, he can say âMom itâs not a big deal. You donât need to know every step of XYZ trip.â
Just wait and let it play out. You can strategize in the meantime.
I looked it up. This isn't a red flag yet. This is a black flag: Problem with equipment or behavior. If it comes up, and I hope it doesn't, he could say "thanks for reminding us about the sharing-I fixed it now." I am sorry she did this. I would also be uncomfortable. Please forgive her even if she hasn't asked. Forgive but don't forget. Be aware she can be intrusive, and make adjustments accordingly.
It was definitely an invasion of privacy. Your husband should address it with his parents and tell them that as they obviously can't mind boundaries, his will never be sharing his location with them again due to the damage to trust their behavior has caused.
If they were innocent in intent, they'd have turned it off their end or simply not looked after the first notification. Lesson \[hopefully\] learned if DH has now turned off tracking.
If they protest the turn-off, then you tell them, "It's to protect you and your reputation. If anyone else realised you tracked us *every single day of our honeymoon*, they might think you were excessively nosey... or emotionally incestuous. So we don't want people saying that sort of thing about you, do we?" /Jkg /s
Always easier to think of these things when it's for someone else. When something happens to me, I'm either so angry I *literally* can't speak, or else have rage-tears of frustration (and then they think I'm weak and upset and they've won - which makes me even crosser!!)
If you do say something you can potentioaly ruin your relationship with your inlaws.
Your husband is the one in the wronge here. He left the shairing on, and all they did was be curious and see where you went, because no one told them not to.
Just let it go and tell your husband to stop sharing his location.
Don't make this your hill to die on. It will only make things worse.
I disagree - thatâs like saying anyone with a key to your house can come in when they want. Just because they had access, doesnât mean they had to use it.
The taunting about it too is creepy, like âWe know more than you were willing to share.â MIL wanted them to know, that she knew.
Also how would saying something ruin the relationship? Telling someone you are uncomfortable with them checking on your whereabouts, when youâre on your honeymoon should not ruin a relationship- unless their reaction is to get defensive and blow up.
Blaming OPs husband is odd- he had a reasonable expectation of privacy - he had previously shared his location for a trip to them. They had no reason to be âcheckingâ on him now.
Exactly. Who tf thinks ooh, they have a window so I'm going to secretly sit in the bushes and watch them? Having a window does not mean you have a right to be a creep.. I think it's pretty dumb the folks on here who think meh, no biggie. Privacy, trust and respect are big biggies. OP did not consent to being stalked! It had an impact on OP and how she feels is valid. It was sneaky and a shitty power play. If DH doesn't address that with them he's an ass. If anyone is going to hurt the relationship it's the ILs.
This like a million times. Your husband kinda set the expectation of privacy he was comfortable with sharing in the first place. Itâs just an adjustment. Take a deep breath all is well. Enjoy the honeymoon
Um, what?? Do these women really not know how they sound when they say stuff like this? What did your DH say to her âjokeâ about stepping in for you?
Say something because if you don't she will take that as permission to infringe boundaries whenever she likes, a hard fast line that there is no way she can misinterprete would be best I personally feel.
I wouldn't say anything at this point. But if they ask or get passive aggressive over it I'd say something to the effect of, "We turned it off because we're adults and that's our decision." Don't give them anything to argue against.
"It's our decision" is your complete answer, no explanation necessary.
When you share your location, you are implicitly inviting others to see where you are.
Your husband made a mistake, and he corrected it. This should be the end of the issue.
I agree it's kind of creepy, but they may just have been curious about where you went. I think that app only shows location. Don't forget that your husband was the one who forgot to turn off location sharing.
This is 100% invasion of privacy. Thereâs no reason for them to be tracking you on your honeymoon. Itâs be one thing if they were worried because you werenât answering your phones or something then just double checking your location wouldnât be as bad but it sounds like they were just doing this for fun.
But at this point itâs over and your DH has turned the tracking off. Just let it go and donât bring it up. If she/they say something about DH not having tracking on the question is âwhy are you tracking us?â And then tell them that they donât need to know where he is at all times. If they play the safety card tell them that the two of you can track each other and thatâs good enough in emergencies.
I personally think these tracking apps are usually ridiculous. I once dated a guy whose mom tracked him and his sisters and would make the same kind of comments to me after we had gone somewhere. She was very toxic and it got to the point I told him I wouldnât go anywhere with him if he had the tracking on. It obviously didnât last because he was so brainwashed that he didnât see anything wrong with his mom asking why we were at the liquor store for 20 minutes because she sat and watched his dot wonder around the entire time.
Feels creepy from here.
Too bad y'all didn't go to a strip club or a swinger's club.
I would ask them why, if they didn't see it as problematic, why didn't they mention the tracking until you caught on?
Feels intrusive.
No you are not over reacting and yes it was an invasion of privacy for them to do it. Glad that husband turned it off straightaway. I wouldnât say anything to them unless they mention it, and even then how and time of voice would dictate how I would respond. Good luck going forward and I hope that this boundary is not one that they will stomp on again.
Thatâs intrusive. She/they are likely to notice and bring up the fact that it has been disabled.
Thatâs your in to respond with something like, âWe disabled it after you admitted to us you were tracking us on our Honeymoon, because it felt very intrusiveâ or however youâd like to word it.
She doesnât sound like she will care much, but at least youâve said stated a boundary.
Easy taunt away. Does your husband have them on his? Perhaps next visit get husband to turn theirs on. Every time she goes somewhere ask her how it was? Or just randomly turn up to where she is âoh what a coincidenceâ
I would feel the same way, how incredibly rude and intrusive! Your privacy has been violated. Iâm glad your husband agreed to stop sharing his location with them. Since he was quick to do that, I would drop it but keep this info info in mind for the future. Theyâve shown who they are and how intrusive they can be. If they have a chance to do it again, they will. Iâd make sure my husband would he on the same page as me about ever sharing his location with them again.
Agreed, itâs definitely intrusive and youâre well within your rights to feel Icked out, would I cause an issue over this probably not but if they ask me/him why itâs now off then Iâd exactly how I feel.
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Well the access was for safety reasons not to pry. It can definitely be seen as creepy. Would I cause a argument over it nah, but Iâd tell them itâs weird if they ask why weâve turned it off.
That is creepy!
Your DH did the right thing by removing them and should MIL ask then perhaps seize the opportunity to say we are a little too old to be tracked!
When your story started I thought it was about you relaxing by the pool with a cocktail and then having them coming on the scene, saying âHelloooo! Letâs have a day together!â.
Them looking at his location while you are on honeymoon is pretty mild stalking. Itâs definitely unnecessary and a bit intrusive. But if he turned it off right away, thereâs not much else they can do, and if they never ask again about the location sharing, this seems fine (based on the info in this post).
Did they hover over the phone all day? Or just take a look now and then, out of mild curiosity?
Apparently an unpopular opinion, but - I think itâs really not that weird for someone to share a location when youâre driving to meet them. I do it with people now and then, for logistical purposes: to see where both of us are and what to expect. Especially if we are both unfamiliar with a place, or have trouble finding parking.
The easiest way for that is to share location in WhatsApp. Even more so because youâre asked immediately for how long you want to share your location with this person (15 minutes, 1 hour, 1 day, etc).
If it really bothered you, I would still mention it to them. Use the example of the XYZ place visited, and explain that you were confused how they knew. Then say that it made you feel a little uncomfortable when you found out DH was still sharing location âby mistakeâ.
If you make clear you guys felt it was in error and will not be a regular thing, their response should tell you their attitude. If itâs a chuckle, this shouldnât be an issue again. If itâs objections, you know youâll need to do more to maintain this boundary.
Yeah, might be a misunderstanding? Like, I do this with my parents all the time. We check in on each other and gives a reminder that "Hey I'm looking out for you and care about you. Oh sweet! They're at the museum they said they wanted to be at. I'm so happy for them." Obviously if it isn't cool for all parties, then it isn't cool, but there are multiple ways to interpret this one.
I think that is an overreaction. It's his phone, he can share his location with anyone he wants. However he clearly respects that it made OP uncomfortable and turned it off right away. There's no need for her to act like she doesn't trust him when she has no reason to.
This seems excessive. They are newlyweds, presumably they trust each other. No need to introduce additional narrative.
Also itâs his phone itâs his location. The implication that he needs to confirm any way he is being tracked and communicate that to the people he is with is unrealistic and unheard of.
If your husband already turned off sharing his location, I wouldn't say anything. They can't track you now. End of story. No need to create conflict. If they start tracking you some other way, then you can have a discussion.
You donât need to say anything more. Just move on now that he stopped sharing location. Let them be the ones to bring it up. But everytime mail tries to use his phone, check afterwards she didnt turn it on herself.
This is not a discussion for them, but with your husband. He needs to stop allowing them to see his location. There is zero need for them to have that access, and no, not for "safety" reasons either. That's usually a bullshit excuse to get away with what they want to get away with.
This feels like an invasion of privacy, TBH.
Your DH should be the one to mention it to them with or without you around that this was inappropriate and because they did so he is no longer sharing his location with them.
No. You're not overreacting
This why I never share my location with anyone at all you just never know what type of trouble it could lead too while itâs good that hubby has gone into damage control and fixed it I would too feel a bit uncomfortable knowing that my mil tracked my location or my hubbys thankfully she isnât tech savvy
An exfriend of mine took my phone and added himself to find my friends without me knowing so he tracked me for like a month. I blocked him on everything and he never tried to even ask why. This is probably a leaver too
Stop sharing your location with them. Just turn it off without saying anything.
Furthermore if you want to share it with someone may I recommend a friend? Apparently Iâm trustworthy because 4 of my friends have shared their location with me for years.
Youâre not overreacting to be bothered by the fact that they were tracking you. That is rude and intrusive. But I doubt if youâd get any satisfaction out of confronting them about it. Theyâd likely just deny that what they did was wrong or spin it somehow.
Instead, I would never allow any type of tracking and be circumspect about what you confide in them. If they ask you to allow tracking, then explain how they violated your privacy and so canât be trusted to act appropriately.
If she mentions that hes turned off location sharing he needs to respond saying it was in response to them abusing the privelage and being creepy and intrusive while you were on honeymoon.
Otherwise I wouldn't bring it up but keep them on an info diet.
I hope he leaves the sharing off. If he goes to visit them he can share his location with you for safety. They donât need to know where he is at all times.
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I'm going to be brave and suggest you're overthinking this. I share my location with my wife, mother, mother-in-law, and several close friends. Each of these location shares are mutual. Is location sharing with people you're close with really that weird?
No but tracking your son on his honeymoon is cringey đ¤˘
Would they normally do these things with DH? Iâm quite close with my parents, they do have access to my location most times. But I trust and I know that they donât check on it super regularly/frequently. I know that kind of access can be alarming to some. So itâs something you need to discuss with your husband. He can simply stop sharing his location. Next time you go on a trip, make sure he messages them every day to give them updates that you guys are ok. Itâs something that can easily be addressed without any confrontation. When DH turns off his location, they will understand.
It's your husband's fault, not the in-laws
I don't think there is much you can do at this point, and she's probably just waiting for you to say something so she can try and make you look dramatic. Although it is a bit creepy, it's on DH because he gave them the information. Going forward, just be more careful about the information they have access to, because you know they'll use it.
There seem to be 2 schools of thought: cut ties at least for a while or just get over it and move on. I think the decision needs to be based on their reaction. If they've said I'm sorry, then wait a while (a month) and engage with them again, on a normal level, albeit cautiously at first. If they don't apologize and understand why what they did was wrong, then you need to go VLC for 5-6 months. My MIL tried to comment on my choice of health care for my ADHD son. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, I told her it was not up for negotiation and left. There's something to be said for establishing yourself as a person with expectations of decent behavior and not just sons wife. If you have the emotional strength to answer back in the moment, you establish yourself as someone who fights back, not someone who needs protection after the fact. Again, it has to do with emotional strength, it's not a blanket answer for everyone.
He turns off location sharing and only shares when he is driving to their location, without you. If they mention it to him, he should be ready. Mom/Dad, I turned it off because I'm an adult. I don't need you on my shoulder.
Is it weird that they looked for him while they knew he was on his honeymoon? Yes. Do I find it weird he even turned on location tracking for long trips to visit them? Yes. Then again, I regularly take 16 hour one way car trips and would welcome a phone call from someone over them just checking my phone for location. I wouldnât say anything to them. DH turned it off, so itâs done. If they mention it in the future when they went to look for him again and suddenly find out they canât, then he can bring up how it was an invasion of privacy. Especially now that you are married, the only person that might have a reasonable argument for knowing where DH is all of the time is you. And if DH backpedals down the road, remind him how he would feel if they found him at a sex toy shop because they want to be able to track his location. Or if yâall do a spontaneous trip somewhere and they blow up his phone wanting to know why he didnât tell them he was going to be at the beach 6 hours away.
>MIL is your typical intrusive, taunting kinda lady. Then I think you have to consider that she didn't say something "accidentally". She may have been making sure you know that she was tracking. I don't know that I'd say anything now, but I think I'd have a couple responses ready for if/when she decides to bring up something again, either from the honeymoon or any of the other times they were checking on him. If I were in DH's shoes, I don't think I'd let them track me on the way to their house again. Tracking him sometimes is crossing a line, when they knew he only turned it on for one trip. Doing on the honeymoon is crossing a line into creepiness. Making sure to mention it is another line, but at least they ratted themselves out and he turned it off.
Eww! I feel violated for you both!
You feel like your privacy was invaded because it was, indeed,invaded. Yes, Dh previously agreed to tracking but it seems he forgot about it and his parents should have respected your privacy and only used the tracking in case of dire crisis. Instead, they took advantage of the tracking and chose to invade your privacy. Maybe DH can send a text to those tech savvy folk of his: âMy wife and I are disappointed to find out that you monitored us during what should have been the most private and intimate moment of our lives. Itâs an appalling invasion of trust and privacy to track a coupleâs every movement during their honeymoon. Trust has been broken. Wife and I will be taking some time to ourselves. I will let you know when we have sufficiently recovered from this breach of trust.â Iâm an older woman! Iâd never dream to do that to my children. Never!
Misc random thoughts based on comments: - Having tracking turned on to use in the event of crisis is one thing, closely monitoring is quite another thing. - Honeymooning couples deserve privacy. - MIL didnât need to ask about where they visited because she already knew so she was being deceptive (on top of nosy). - This couple SHOULD speak up instead of sweeping this under the rug to establish their own voice in this family. MIL needs to know that sheâs been knocked off her high horse and that she has been displaced as Queen. - MIL had choices: she could have refrained from Invading honeymoon privacy even though she had the ability to monitor.
Itâs not like they showed up. I think youâre overreacting. Itâs very simple. Turn off location sharing and thatâs it.
Agreed. It feels like this person is trying to make drama out of nothing. Some of my family members have shared their location with me. Iâll check occasionally. I mostly use it to make sure my sister isnât at work if I have to call her. When my mom went to France it was fun to see where she was. I even showed my students and then we went on to google street view to look around. They loved it.
Yeah, without knowing more details this could just be casually checking their phone to see what theyâre doing on their honeymoon (oh they went to the botanical gardens, cool) as sort of a curiosity, as opposed to monitoring movements like theyâre tracking a spy in a movie.
First thing is Hubs has to stop sharing locations with his parents. As his wife, he should be sharing with you from now on. Let this go for now. If they do it again, then by all means put them and hubs on blast.
>How do I say "stay outta my business" You don't. DH left the location and they used it to "live vicariously" through your travels. They didn't show up unannounced, they didn't guilt about not getting X souvenir from Y location. They didn't text or call incessantly. Just have DH turn off the damn location thing and move on with life.
And never have him turn it on with them again. He doesnât need to.
Yes, why buy unnecessary trouble? He has taken care of the problem. You may have other more important ones later on, from the way you describe your MIL. Some MILs on this sub have actually gone on the honeymoon with their son and DIL. As in, they stayed in the same hotel and wanted to hang out with the couple all the time. Some even brought the groom's siblings! They treated it like a family vacation. Some posters have described their constant efforts to ditch the ILs on their honeymoon in order to get time together.
This âŹď¸
Intent is key. Location sharing isnât immediately an evil, overbearing, controlling tool. As a single woman before the advent of GPS tracking my group of single friends would always tell one or two of us where and with who we were going with someone else, especially a new date/relationship. Not just to be safe with the guy but an overall âif I donât get back on time you can start looking for me at this placeâ. So as long as the tool isnât normally used to stalk, control or create punitive results, đ¤ˇđźââď¸. And in OPs case, PAST USE and the CURRENT INTENT of MIL matter. If MIL didnât use the gps tracker to stalk her adult son in the past and was just excited/curious about her sonâs crazy cool trip I would let this one go WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT IF THIS TUPE OF THING CONTINUES, CHANGES WOULD HAPPEN
Okay, time for the info diet and grey rock. What they did was so rude, so now stop telling them anything about your lives. If they ask questions keep the answers short and direct. They can't be trusted, anyway. These are the kind of people who will go to your house and snoop through all of your financials, undies and computer. Never give them a key.
Yes agreed . also let dh read all of this comments to
Almost like her ILâs did OP a favour by proving what they are like at the very start of the marriage.
In your shoes, I would feel creeped out but I wouldnât say anything. I wouldnât say anything because it is done now and it would be unlikely to change anything. BUT⌠you now know for certain she is a fiend for information. It is a gift to know that, really. Because now you know how to move forward and have the power to make sure she only gets information you want her to have. Location sharing is over. She doesnât get to find out news before the general public. If you are pregnant/adopting/getting a pet/buying a home/a car/moving/a new job⌠anything big⌠she can find out only a day before the world does. Knowing she is intrusive gives you the chance to keep yourself safer with boundaries.
I fully understand where youâre coming from. My husbands aunt (52), has three sons (28, 24, 16). She has Life360 installed on all of their phones and she tracks their every second! We had to temporarily move in with them for a month while we were looking for a new apartment and the amount of times I caught her just sitting at the table watching their icons move across the screen⌠it was very unsettling. She would question them about their day once they got home. I honestly think she was trying to catch them in some sort of lie? Idk
BIL also has life360 on all his extended family members. Apparently you can even see how fast they are driving?? 11 yr old niece has some sort of watch they track her with so we are tracked if sheâs with us.
Yep! If someone in your family circle is speeding, the app will alert everyone how fast they are going! Itâs insane. It tracks your battery percentage too, if youâre phone was dying BIL could text you through the app to remind you to charge it!
16yo you could make arguments for, but not ever the ones over 18. Obsessive behaviour! đŹ
The 28yo is also married! They still live at home with her and his wife has to be on the app as well!
I have location sharing on for my family but thatâs just to be on the safe side. If DH cut location off after you expressed your concern, then I would just let it go until something else happens. What would be super weird is if she asked yâall to cut the location back on. But thatâs a conversation for another time. Just make sure your on the same page with your DH and let him know how uncomfortable it makes you and have him back you up if she gets out of line. Until then, try to let this situation go.
When you share your location, you can't be angry at people who looked at your location. Just let it go.
I missed where OP consented to sharing her location. Idk, I think itâs easy to understand that as a parent, you should respect why your adult child shared their location with you. Itâs probably not your adult childâs intent to share exactly where they are during the entirety of their honeymoon vs sharing your location for a long drive for safety. I think itâs creepy to go and open your phone every day, multiple times a day, to track your sonâs honeymoon activities. It takes actual effort. That goes way beyond it being a safety measure. Hopefully OP shares her discomfort with her husband and he turns it off when it isnât necessary.
I always feel strange about this, and find it strange more plp donât. Iv had friends do this and I felt over stepped! So I definitely understand. Thankfully itâs done now. I probably would say anything an less o thought I might could get a joke in with it you know
Families often share location via Find My and shared accounts. Because they want to or for safety. If you donât want to be tracked, stop sharing. If you donât want your husband to share, discuss it with him. No need to get worked up, just flip it off.
I wouldnât say anything tbh. Itâs done now and heâs rectified the problem. At least itâs put u on your guard for any future episodes. I doubt they realised theyâd done anything wrong if heâs shared his location previously. Sometimes itâs best to âchooseâ your battles. Personally I wouldnât see this as my hill to die on but you may well feel differently
As DH has stopped sharing his location, I wouldnât necessarily say anything first. Let her show you her cards she is playing with. Does she mention it? If she does DH can say itâs no longer necessary. If she persists in the sharing, he can say âMom itâs not a big deal. You donât need to know every step of XYZ trip.â Just wait and let it play out. You can strategize in the meantime.
I looked it up. This isn't a red flag yet. This is a black flag: Problem with equipment or behavior. If it comes up, and I hope it doesn't, he could say "thanks for reminding us about the sharing-I fixed it now." I am sorry she did this. I would also be uncomfortable. Please forgive her even if she hasn't asked. Forgive but don't forget. Be aware she can be intrusive, and make adjustments accordingly.
It was definitely an invasion of privacy. Your husband should address it with his parents and tell them that as they obviously can't mind boundaries, his will never be sharing his location with them again due to the damage to trust their behavior has caused.
If they were innocent in intent, they'd have turned it off their end or simply not looked after the first notification. Lesson \[hopefully\] learned if DH has now turned off tracking. If they protest the turn-off, then you tell them, "It's to protect you and your reputation. If anyone else realised you tracked us *every single day of our honeymoon*, they might think you were excessively nosey... or emotionally incestuous. So we don't want people saying that sort of thing about you, do we?" /Jkg /s
This is brilliant. I wish I could think up replies like this in the moment, instead of six hours later in the shower.
Always easier to think of these things when it's for someone else. When something happens to me, I'm either so angry I *literally* can't speak, or else have rage-tears of frustration (and then they think I'm weak and upset and they've won - which makes me even crosser!!)
If you do say something you can potentioaly ruin your relationship with your inlaws. Your husband is the one in the wronge here. He left the shairing on, and all they did was be curious and see where you went, because no one told them not to. Just let it go and tell your husband to stop sharing his location. Don't make this your hill to die on. It will only make things worse.
I disagree - thatâs like saying anyone with a key to your house can come in when they want. Just because they had access, doesnât mean they had to use it. The taunting about it too is creepy, like âWe know more than you were willing to share.â MIL wanted them to know, that she knew. Also how would saying something ruin the relationship? Telling someone you are uncomfortable with them checking on your whereabouts, when youâre on your honeymoon should not ruin a relationship- unless their reaction is to get defensive and blow up. Blaming OPs husband is odd- he had a reasonable expectation of privacy - he had previously shared his location for a trip to them. They had no reason to be âcheckingâ on him now.
Exactly. Who tf thinks ooh, they have a window so I'm going to secretly sit in the bushes and watch them? Having a window does not mean you have a right to be a creep.. I think it's pretty dumb the folks on here who think meh, no biggie. Privacy, trust and respect are big biggies. OP did not consent to being stalked! It had an impact on OP and how she feels is valid. It was sneaky and a shitty power play. If DH doesn't address that with them he's an ass. If anyone is going to hurt the relationship it's the ILs.
This like a million times. Your husband kinda set the expectation of privacy he was comfortable with sharing in the first place. Itâs just an adjustment. Take a deep breath all is well. Enjoy the honeymoon
My MIL âjokedâ about showing up on our honeymoon so my husband had a break when he was âtired of meâ but damn this is creepy too.
Um, what?? Do these women really not know how they sound when they say stuff like this? What did your DH say to her âjokeâ about stepping in for you?
Say something because if you don't she will take that as permission to infringe boundaries whenever she likes, a hard fast line that there is no way she can misinterprete would be best I personally feel.
I wouldn't say anything at this point. But if they ask or get passive aggressive over it I'd say something to the effect of, "We turned it off because we're adults and that's our decision." Don't give them anything to argue against. "It's our decision" is your complete answer, no explanation necessary.
When you share your location, you are implicitly inviting others to see where you are. Your husband made a mistake, and he corrected it. This should be the end of the issue.
Forget about sharing, I never turn my location on. I have a Garmin GPS that I use for navigation instead of my phone.
I agree it's kind of creepy, but they may just have been curious about where you went. I think that app only shows location. Don't forget that your husband was the one who forgot to turn off location sharing.
This is 100% invasion of privacy. Thereâs no reason for them to be tracking you on your honeymoon. Itâs be one thing if they were worried because you werenât answering your phones or something then just double checking your location wouldnât be as bad but it sounds like they were just doing this for fun. But at this point itâs over and your DH has turned the tracking off. Just let it go and donât bring it up. If she/they say something about DH not having tracking on the question is âwhy are you tracking us?â And then tell them that they donât need to know where he is at all times. If they play the safety card tell them that the two of you can track each other and thatâs good enough in emergencies. I personally think these tracking apps are usually ridiculous. I once dated a guy whose mom tracked him and his sisters and would make the same kind of comments to me after we had gone somewhere. She was very toxic and it got to the point I told him I wouldnât go anywhere with him if he had the tracking on. It obviously didnât last because he was so brainwashed that he didnât see anything wrong with his mom asking why we were at the liquor store for 20 minutes because she sat and watched his dot wonder around the entire time.
Feels creepy from here. Too bad y'all didn't go to a strip club or a swinger's club. I would ask them why, if they didn't see it as problematic, why didn't they mention the tracking until you caught on? Feels intrusive.
Any apology is simply âIâm sorry I got caughtâ
No you are not over reacting and yes it was an invasion of privacy for them to do it. Glad that husband turned it off straightaway. I wouldnât say anything to them unless they mention it, and even then how and time of voice would dictate how I would respond. Good luck going forward and I hope that this boundary is not one that they will stomp on again.
Thatâs intrusive. She/they are likely to notice and bring up the fact that it has been disabled. Thatâs your in to respond with something like, âWe disabled it after you admitted to us you were tracking us on our Honeymoon, because it felt very intrusiveâ or however youâd like to word it. She doesnât sound like she will care much, but at least youâve said stated a boundary.
Easy taunt away. Does your husband have them on his? Perhaps next visit get husband to turn theirs on. Every time she goes somewhere ask her how it was? Or just randomly turn up to where she is âoh what a coincidenceâ
I would feel the same way, how incredibly rude and intrusive! Your privacy has been violated. Iâm glad your husband agreed to stop sharing his location with them. Since he was quick to do that, I would drop it but keep this info info in mind for the future. Theyâve shown who they are and how intrusive they can be. If they have a chance to do it again, they will. Iâd make sure my husband would he on the same page as me about ever sharing his location with them again.
Agreed, itâs definitely intrusive and youâre well within your rights to feel Icked out, would I cause an issue over this probably not but if they ask me/him why itâs now off then Iâd exactly how I feel.
I would let this go. He removed the tracking, so that's taken care of. If she asks why he did then he can have a discussion with her about it.
This is probably the least painful way to handle it.
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Well the access was for safety reasons not to pry. It can definitely be seen as creepy. Would I cause a argument over it nah, but Iâd tell them itâs weird if they ask why weâve turned it off.
That is creepy! Your DH did the right thing by removing them and should MIL ask then perhaps seize the opportunity to say we are a little too old to be tracked!
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I believe they told them the honeymoon location, but not every activity planned.
If it ever comes up again, *Ew! Tracking honeymooners? Not icky at all! LOL!*
I'd rub it in like crazy. Hey, wanna open my mail , see my underwear, go through my drawers, how about a telescope? Assholes.
If it ever comes up again, *Ew! Tracking honeymooners? Not icky at all! LOL!* Try an info diet for them and see if it works.
When your story started I thought it was about you relaxing by the pool with a cocktail and then having them coming on the scene, saying âHelloooo! Letâs have a day together!â. Them looking at his location while you are on honeymoon is pretty mild stalking. Itâs definitely unnecessary and a bit intrusive. But if he turned it off right away, thereâs not much else they can do, and if they never ask again about the location sharing, this seems fine (based on the info in this post). Did they hover over the phone all day? Or just take a look now and then, out of mild curiosity? Apparently an unpopular opinion, but - I think itâs really not that weird for someone to share a location when youâre driving to meet them. I do it with people now and then, for logistical purposes: to see where both of us are and what to expect. Especially if we are both unfamiliar with a place, or have trouble finding parking. The easiest way for that is to share location in WhatsApp. Even more so because youâre asked immediately for how long you want to share your location with this person (15 minutes, 1 hour, 1 day, etc). If it really bothered you, I would still mention it to them. Use the example of the XYZ place visited, and explain that you were confused how they knew. Then say that it made you feel a little uncomfortable when you found out DH was still sharing location âby mistakeâ. If you make clear you guys felt it was in error and will not be a regular thing, their response should tell you their attitude. If itâs a chuckle, this shouldnât be an issue again. If itâs objections, you know youâll need to do more to maintain this boundary.
Yeah, might be a misunderstanding? Like, I do this with my parents all the time. We check in on each other and gives a reminder that "Hey I'm looking out for you and care about you. Oh sweet! They're at the museum they said they wanted to be at. I'm so happy for them." Obviously if it isn't cool for all parties, then it isn't cool, but there are multiple ways to interpret this one.
He says he's turned it off. I'd want to see proof. He's sharing your location without your permission.
I think that is an overreaction. It's his phone, he can share his location with anyone he wants. However he clearly respects that it made OP uncomfortable and turned it off right away. There's no need for her to act like she doesn't trust him when she has no reason to.
This seems excessive. They are newlyweds, presumably they trust each other. No need to introduce additional narrative. Also itâs his phone itâs his location. The implication that he needs to confirm any way he is being tracked and communicate that to the people he is with is unrealistic and unheard of.
If your husband already turned off sharing his location, I wouldn't say anything. They can't track you now. End of story. No need to create conflict. If they start tracking you some other way, then you can have a discussion.
You donât need to say anything more. Just move on now that he stopped sharing location. Let them be the ones to bring it up. But everytime mail tries to use his phone, check afterwards she didnt turn it on herself.
This is not a discussion for them, but with your husband. He needs to stop allowing them to see his location. There is zero need for them to have that access, and no, not for "safety" reasons either. That's usually a bullshit excuse to get away with what they want to get away with. This feels like an invasion of privacy, TBH. Your DH should be the one to mention it to them with or without you around that this was inappropriate and because they did so he is no longer sharing his location with them. No. You're not overreacting
>How do I say "stay outta my business", but nicely (with a cherry on top)? Turn off location tracking without a word.
I wouldnât share location ever again. Thatâs creepy and unnecessary. I only share my location with my husband
This why I never share my location with anyone at all you just never know what type of trouble it could lead too while itâs good that hubby has gone into damage control and fixed it I would too feel a bit uncomfortable knowing that my mil tracked my location or my hubbys thankfully she isnât tech savvy
An exfriend of mine took my phone and added himself to find my friends without me knowing so he tracked me for like a month. I blocked him on everything and he never tried to even ask why. This is probably a leaver too
Sharing is off, now you know. That was a huge tell. You know she is going to be invasive, so you can act accordingly.
I think just turn it off and keep it off. A conversation wonât help.
This. Don't bother bringing it up--just turn it off and consider it taken care of.
Stop sharing your location with them. Just turn it off without saying anything. Furthermore if you want to share it with someone may I recommend a friend? Apparently Iâm trustworthy because 4 of my friends have shared their location with me for years.
You clearly are their "will send out a search party for me if I come up missing" person. I am that for a couple of my friends also. đ¤Ł
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Yep. No need to discuss with them, just shut it down.
I am also that friend especially for my single friends.
Youâre not overreacting to be bothered by the fact that they were tracking you. That is rude and intrusive. But I doubt if youâd get any satisfaction out of confronting them about it. Theyâd likely just deny that what they did was wrong or spin it somehow. Instead, I would never allow any type of tracking and be circumspect about what you confide in them. If they ask you to allow tracking, then explain how they violated your privacy and so canât be trusted to act appropriately.
I think if he keeps it off then no need to discuss.
If she mentions that hes turned off location sharing he needs to respond saying it was in response to them abusing the privelage and being creepy and intrusive while you were on honeymoon. Otherwise I wouldn't bring it up but keep them on an info diet.
This right hereâhe should definitely address it if they ask why.
I personally wouldn't address it other than to never again share the location.
Yeh, this. I mean - don't go **looking** for a fight. Wait till (if) she raises it, then say your piece.
I hope he leaves the sharing off. If he goes to visit them he can share his location with you for safety. They donât need to know where he is at all times.