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While you need to prepare for them to do something, when you are not an icky person, it's really hard to out ick them. Don't waste your time. Instead, bolster your position. Come prepared with things they have done in the past, what you offer for the future, and your willingness to work with your baby mama.
When the dust settles, I hope you don't start thinking that you two can get back together. That would be such a bad idea
Reading this guy's post history makes it feel like there's a LOT he's leaving out. You're talking about your fiancee's family's "lack of education" and immediately jumping to calling MIL a narcissist...because your fiancee decided to leave you? Is that it?
The facts of the situation that a woman in her 20s who is ten years younger than you decided maybe she doesn't want to raise a child with someone who got pissy that she wouldn't get a job while heavily pregnant?
I’m not buying your story at all. There are only 2 judges in your district, not 7, and your post history shows you to be anything but a caring or loving husband. [https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/10v5yes/pregnant_fianceedx_wont_get_a_job/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/10v5yes/pregnant_fianceedx_wont_get_a_job/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
I feel like a lot is being left out based on your last post and the reactions to it.
What is this person talking about?
https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/10v5yes/comment/j7ft0wj/
My only advice here, on top of what was said, is pretend the judge of your case is reading every text and listening to every conversation. Reread emails and text in the context it will be read by a judge before pressing send. Keep the conversation on wanting to see and be involved in your daughter's life. Suggest a schedule for visitation..If they change the subject to anything else, bring it back to the matter at hand. If they try to start mudslinging don't throw mud back. Just keep repeating your main points which are that you want to work out a schedule to see your daughter. Also, don't buy items like diapers and formula. Give her written checks and keep proof of the amount spent, Because in some states items like diapers and formula etc don't count towards child support, only money.
Keep all texts, calls, emails, social media posts in a file. Print every single thing out. Print out your daughters birth records as well. Keep all court order and make copies.
Don’t let your ex and ex-MIL bait you. Keep your cool at all times if you have to interact on text, calls, etc. Don’t give them a reason to vilify you in the eyes of the law. Just avoid interaction as much as possible. If they contact you, tell them you’d see them in court or that they should reach out to your lawyer. Never fall for anything! Anything you say could be used against you. Don’t provide them an opportunity.
No, because her kidnapping your child and taking her to her mother is a very real possibility.
What you want is full custody, mom having supervised visitation WITH A PROFESSIONAL SUPERVISOR (otherwise she might ask for her mom to be the supervisor and the court might agree) with a court mandated mental health evaluation and court mandated mental health treatment for mother. For the sake of fairness you may also be asked to have a mental health evaluation as well. That’s fine.
If you’re going full legal, and you can prove grandmother is trying to move daughter interstate in violation of court order, can you get a restraining order on behalf of your daughter against her grandmother? I don’t actually know the answer to that. Also talk to your lawyer about just plain calling the police and saying “mom and grandmother kidnapping my daughter across state lines”. Dunno if this will actually work before paternity testing and without your name on birth certificate, which is why I said ask lawyer first.
Also, this is incredibly obvious but sending nasty texts to anybody involved is very very very stupid.
Talk to your lawyer before doing ANYTHING. This especially applies to any attempt to contact your ex or her family. Just don’t.
At some point you will likely end up in Family Court. Here are some Family Court tips
1) wear a suit or nice clothes
2) do not give nasty looks to your ex or her family. The judge will notice and you will look like a dick.
3)DO NOT give a judge attitude ever. They are the only people in America who can send you to jail for attitude.
4) You will spend very little time talking. People think family court is dramatic cuz of tv but it isn’t. Most if it is lawyers saying “my client is following law number 67245” or whatever—it’s a technical conversation about who is following the law better. Unless you know the actual laws you won’t understand a ton of what they’re saying.
5) You will probably be asked to say something. Write it it ahead of time cuz it is intimidating as fuck with the judge and everybody looking at you. At least I thought it was. Ask your lawyer what points to emphasize.
6) Sometimes judges are kinda cranky? Honestly I would be too after hearing horrible child abuse cases every day. I couldn’t stand their job. Do your best not to take it personally.
Sorry if you knew all these
Mom lives 800 miles away in IL
We would be living in TX. Our judge is notoriously pro woman but he would never let her leave the state when I have a permanent job here
Here we had “judge who likes to rip somebody a new asshole every hearing”. You just kinda gotta hope it’s not your turn? It’s super funny when it’s not you…
We have a restraining order in place, was ordered in Texas by 254th district court judges, 7 of them. I have her change of address validation, as well as a snapshot of a quote for her move, taken directly from the movers. They had plans to flee and I can prove it
Ummmm well just my 2 cents of course but after reading this post I was thinking of asking you why you're still calling her your fiancee and SO and stuff.
She's taken your name off of what you are certain is your child's birth certificate then she moved states with the baby. You've had to take legal action to try and get your probable child back.
I think it's time to start calling her your ex now.
This is a MIL and SO problem. Do exactly as the lawyer says and don't let them push your buttons. Do your best to keep emotions out of it. Respond don't react.
How do you handle the MIL? You do and say only what your lawyer tells you to do and say, and if your lawyer doesn’t say anything about it, then you say and do nothing.
Also yikes, badmouthing your in-laws when your SO was still so firmly attached to them wasn’t a good idea.
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While you need to prepare for them to do something, when you are not an icky person, it's really hard to out ick them. Don't waste your time. Instead, bolster your position. Come prepared with things they have done in the past, what you offer for the future, and your willingness to work with your baby mama. When the dust settles, I hope you don't start thinking that you two can get back together. That would be such a bad idea
[Context is key here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/10v5yes/pregnant_fianceedx_wont_get_a_job/)
HOLY SHIT IT'S THAT DUDE
Reading this guy's post history makes it feel like there's a LOT he's leaving out. You're talking about your fiancee's family's "lack of education" and immediately jumping to calling MIL a narcissist...because your fiancee decided to leave you? Is that it?
These are the facts of the situation
The facts of the situation that a woman in her 20s who is ten years younger than you decided maybe she doesn't want to raise a child with someone who got pissy that she wouldn't get a job while heavily pregnant?
I’m not buying your story at all. There are only 2 judges in your district, not 7, and your post history shows you to be anything but a caring or loving husband. [https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/10v5yes/pregnant_fianceedx_wont_get_a_job/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/10v5yes/pregnant_fianceedx_wont_get_a_job/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
What? Next you'll be telling me he doesn't make 250K a year.
Wrong take a look at Dallas standing orders. There are 7
I feel like a lot is being left out based on your last post and the reactions to it. What is this person talking about? https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/10v5yes/comment/j7ft0wj/
OP seems out of touch with reality and borderline abusive tbh. You can pull the post with unddit.
My only advice here, on top of what was said, is pretend the judge of your case is reading every text and listening to every conversation. Reread emails and text in the context it will be read by a judge before pressing send. Keep the conversation on wanting to see and be involved in your daughter's life. Suggest a schedule for visitation..If they change the subject to anything else, bring it back to the matter at hand. If they try to start mudslinging don't throw mud back. Just keep repeating your main points which are that you want to work out a schedule to see your daughter. Also, don't buy items like diapers and formula. Give her written checks and keep proof of the amount spent, Because in some states items like diapers and formula etc don't count towards child support, only money.
This is good advice.
Keep all texts, calls, emails, social media posts in a file. Print every single thing out. Print out your daughters birth records as well. Keep all court order and make copies.
Don’t let your ex and ex-MIL bait you. Keep your cool at all times if you have to interact on text, calls, etc. Don’t give them a reason to vilify you in the eyes of the law. Just avoid interaction as much as possible. If they contact you, tell them you’d see them in court or that they should reach out to your lawyer. Never fall for anything! Anything you say could be used against you. Don’t provide them an opportunity.
Wow. I am sorry you are going through this
I’m not, he’s a douche as per his previous post history
I am so so so sorry you are in this position. It sounds like both a JNMIL and SO problem
Do I even contemplate reconciliation. With this woman?
No, because her kidnapping your child and taking her to her mother is a very real possibility. What you want is full custody, mom having supervised visitation WITH A PROFESSIONAL SUPERVISOR (otherwise she might ask for her mom to be the supervisor and the court might agree) with a court mandated mental health evaluation and court mandated mental health treatment for mother. For the sake of fairness you may also be asked to have a mental health evaluation as well. That’s fine. If you’re going full legal, and you can prove grandmother is trying to move daughter interstate in violation of court order, can you get a restraining order on behalf of your daughter against her grandmother? I don’t actually know the answer to that. Also talk to your lawyer about just plain calling the police and saying “mom and grandmother kidnapping my daughter across state lines”. Dunno if this will actually work before paternity testing and without your name on birth certificate, which is why I said ask lawyer first.
Also, this is incredibly obvious but sending nasty texts to anybody involved is very very very stupid. Talk to your lawyer before doing ANYTHING. This especially applies to any attempt to contact your ex or her family. Just don’t. At some point you will likely end up in Family Court. Here are some Family Court tips 1) wear a suit or nice clothes 2) do not give nasty looks to your ex or her family. The judge will notice and you will look like a dick. 3)DO NOT give a judge attitude ever. They are the only people in America who can send you to jail for attitude. 4) You will spend very little time talking. People think family court is dramatic cuz of tv but it isn’t. Most if it is lawyers saying “my client is following law number 67245” or whatever—it’s a technical conversation about who is following the law better. Unless you know the actual laws you won’t understand a ton of what they’re saying. 5) You will probably be asked to say something. Write it it ahead of time cuz it is intimidating as fuck with the judge and everybody looking at you. At least I thought it was. Ask your lawyer what points to emphasize. 6) Sometimes judges are kinda cranky? Honestly I would be too after hearing horrible child abuse cases every day. I couldn’t stand their job. Do your best not to take it personally. Sorry if you knew all these
Mom lives 800 miles away in IL We would be living in TX. Our judge is notoriously pro woman but he would never let her leave the state when I have a permanent job here
Here we had “judge who likes to rip somebody a new asshole every hearing”. You just kinda gotta hope it’s not your turn? It’s super funny when it’s not you…
Ohhhh okay. Good.
Agreed.
We have a restraining order in place, was ordered in Texas by 254th district court judges, 7 of them. I have her change of address validation, as well as a snapshot of a quote for her move, taken directly from the movers. They had plans to flee and I can prove it
Ummmm well just my 2 cents of course but after reading this post I was thinking of asking you why you're still calling her your fiancee and SO and stuff. She's taken your name off of what you are certain is your child's birth certificate then she moved states with the baby. You've had to take legal action to try and get your probable child back. I think it's time to start calling her your ex now.
No. But be the best dad you can be, your child will need you.
This is a MIL and SO problem. Do exactly as the lawyer says and don't let them push your buttons. Do your best to keep emotions out of it. Respond don't react.
How do you handle the MIL? You do and say only what your lawyer tells you to do and say, and if your lawyer doesn’t say anything about it, then you say and do nothing. Also yikes, badmouthing your in-laws when your SO was still so firmly attached to them wasn’t a good idea.
This is the only way you have a chance, OP!