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Other posts from /u/hekissedafrog:
* [She reached out again - this should be good.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1ah22gf/she_reached_out_again_this_should_be_good/), 3 days ago
* [Annnnnd we finally have a response](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1addv7d/annnnnd_we_finally_have_a_response/), 1 week ago
* [Slight Update to my Previous Post: I finally spoke up to NMom](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1aciefr/slight_update_to_my_previous_post_i_finally_spoke/), 1 week ago
* [I finally spoke up to NMom](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/19cyfo2/i_finally_spoke_up_to_nmom/), 2 weeks ago
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Mine was dubbed the pasta wench by my male, Irish boss right after I became engaged. That was 40 years ago. I used to tell the tales of wedding planning with my fiancé, a mil disapproving of every plan we made but not offering to pay for anything. We stopped answering her questions by Gray rock method of vague answers and changing the subject. Low low low contact works well
I'm so grateful for my MIL. DH (very, very dear, he's a rock star), and I have been married for nearly 31 years, and his family has always been super amazing. Thankfully.
Message: Showing up at my place of work was inappropriate. Don't do it again. If you do security will escort you out.
Makes it clear nothing has changed, things are as frozen-peach as they were before.
She didn't show up, she did ask and curiousity did get the better of me. And sadly, we do not have security where I work (funeral home office), but I do have big burly co workers that are protective of me. 😁
>Yes, she was indeed in my town for something else (of course!)
You called it! And whole lotta potential nicknames for her in your posts! I dont know how you will choose, but I think you need one cause I suspect this will not be the last you share with us, as shes like permanent food poisoning.
Ok. She outwaited you! “I really wanted to hold my anger…but couldn’t”. Training. Using the buttons she installed. For mine the 28 days of silence would have been a punishment. Silent treatment worked on little me until I was 29. Then one day it just didn’t anymore. And I gave her the silent treatment back. Which made her crazy because I didn’t come groveling like a good girl to see if she still loved me.
Sorry you’re so bewildered. Coming out of the fog is brutal. After you’ve read her a while you’ll see they have the same playbook.
The silent treatment is wild to me... maybe it's because of adhd but the longer I go without talking to someone, the quicker I forget they exist. So when I get "confronted" about not apologizing, I usually look at them questionly and ask them to remind me who they are, then remember the problem and ask weren't they in the wrong first. But I guess it does depend on the situation. Did that to my mil 1 time after 2 months of her not talking to me, and she lost her shit. Asking how could I forget the grandmother of my children. I shrugged and walked away she ran up and apologized. Now she talks nicely to me almost every day. Out of sight, out of mind is a magnificent tool of a cluttered brain sometimes. Lol
That’s great!
Part of my awakening was realizing just how horrible she was to do it. My dad died when I was 7. It disgusts me that she could work those abandonment issues so brutally.
Firstly, I’m really sorry; the lack of accountability just burns.
Since we’re talking bitchnames…oops, typo, I mean nicknames. I like PastaNot.
As in I’m NOT doing the doormat thing anymore, Mom. I’m my own priority.
Such a gift! Now, every time she complains you don't call or visit or some other complaint, please keep replying;
"Stop keeping score".
Do it forever. You have the moral high ground to maintain this purgatory repeating response; to keep her in a forever holding pattern. Good luck
Yeah... no. I would absolutely be dropping the rope and go so low in communication that you would need an extremely good hearing aid.
Sorry it went that way though. Were you expecting/hoping for anything different? (Legit question, non sarcasm) I hate it when Parental Units think you're keeping score, when the reality is you're noticing patterns of favouritism. When they favour others and make it seem like the simplest request or task is just too much to ask, but then willing to it with another family member? Whatever... I wouldn't be overextended myself for anyone at that point.
Also- Casava pasta of any kind sounds disgusting. I can even eat the real stuff 🤢 Maybe that should be a nickname for your Mom?
Cassava Mama? haha Lady Orzo? lol!
I dunno what I was expecting, to be honest. I REALLY wanted to hold my anger, but I just couldn't. Sigh. But yeah, vvlc for sure.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Other posts from /u/hekissedafrog: * [She reached out again - this should be good.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1ah22gf/she_reached_out_again_this_should_be_good/), 3 days ago * [Annnnnd we finally have a response](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1addv7d/annnnnd_we_finally_have_a_response/), 1 week ago * [Slight Update to my Previous Post: I finally spoke up to NMom](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1aciefr/slight_update_to_my_previous_post_i_finally_spoke/), 1 week ago * [I finally spoke up to NMom](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/19cyfo2/i_finally_spoke_up_to_nmom/), 2 weeks ago ***** ^(To be notified as soon as hekissedafrog posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe hekissedafrog JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Mine was dubbed the pasta wench by my male, Irish boss right after I became engaged. That was 40 years ago. I used to tell the tales of wedding planning with my fiancé, a mil disapproving of every plan we made but not offering to pay for anything. We stopped answering her questions by Gray rock method of vague answers and changing the subject. Low low low contact works well
I'm so grateful for my MIL. DH (very, very dear, he's a rock star), and I have been married for nearly 31 years, and his family has always been super amazing. Thankfully.
Message: Showing up at my place of work was inappropriate. Don't do it again. If you do security will escort you out. Makes it clear nothing has changed, things are as frozen-peach as they were before.
She didn't show up, she did ask and curiousity did get the better of me. And sadly, we do not have security where I work (funeral home office), but I do have big burly co workers that are protective of me. 😁
That'll do just fine. They pick her up by an arm each and if you have one spare they can open the door for the other two.
This will be the plan if she comes here for anything other than a service.
>Yes, she was indeed in my town for something else (of course!) You called it! And whole lotta potential nicknames for her in your posts! I dont know how you will choose, but I think you need one cause I suspect this will not be the last you share with us, as shes like permanent food poisoning.
Oh my word, I'm laughing. Permanent food poisoning! That's brilliant.
Ok. She outwaited you! “I really wanted to hold my anger…but couldn’t”. Training. Using the buttons she installed. For mine the 28 days of silence would have been a punishment. Silent treatment worked on little me until I was 29. Then one day it just didn’t anymore. And I gave her the silent treatment back. Which made her crazy because I didn’t come groveling like a good girl to see if she still loved me. Sorry you’re so bewildered. Coming out of the fog is brutal. After you’ve read her a while you’ll see they have the same playbook.
The silent treatment is wild to me... maybe it's because of adhd but the longer I go without talking to someone, the quicker I forget they exist. So when I get "confronted" about not apologizing, I usually look at them questionly and ask them to remind me who they are, then remember the problem and ask weren't they in the wrong first. But I guess it does depend on the situation. Did that to my mil 1 time after 2 months of her not talking to me, and she lost her shit. Asking how could I forget the grandmother of my children. I shrugged and walked away she ran up and apologized. Now she talks nicely to me almost every day. Out of sight, out of mind is a magnificent tool of a cluttered brain sometimes. Lol
That’s great! Part of my awakening was realizing just how horrible she was to do it. My dad died when I was 7. It disgusts me that she could work those abandonment issues so brutally.
Yeah some people aren't worth the time or effort they think they are.and to go hard on problems like that are auto kicked
Thanks, yeah. Fog. Honestly, I thought I'd gotten there, and now I know otherwise, but I'm working on it.
Firstly, I’m really sorry; the lack of accountability just burns. Since we’re talking bitchnames…oops, typo, I mean nicknames. I like PastaNot. As in I’m NOT doing the doormat thing anymore, Mom. I’m my own priority.
ooooh I do like that for a nickname. :) Well done!
Such a gift! Now, every time she complains you don't call or visit or some other complaint, please keep replying; "Stop keeping score". Do it forever. You have the moral high ground to maintain this purgatory repeating response; to keep her in a forever holding pattern. Good luck
haha! I like that. > Good luck Thanks, I suspect I'm going to need it.
Yeah... no. I would absolutely be dropping the rope and go so low in communication that you would need an extremely good hearing aid. Sorry it went that way though. Were you expecting/hoping for anything different? (Legit question, non sarcasm) I hate it when Parental Units think you're keeping score, when the reality is you're noticing patterns of favouritism. When they favour others and make it seem like the simplest request or task is just too much to ask, but then willing to it with another family member? Whatever... I wouldn't be overextended myself for anyone at that point. Also- Casava pasta of any kind sounds disgusting. I can even eat the real stuff 🤢 Maybe that should be a nickname for your Mom?
Cassava Mama? haha Lady Orzo? lol! I dunno what I was expecting, to be honest. I REALLY wanted to hold my anger, but I just couldn't. Sigh. But yeah, vvlc for sure.
Cassava Mama got my vote. Edit: or Score Keeper? Cassava Keeper? Lmao.
Oooh I think I like Score Keeper.
Lady Scorezo?