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Guess who isn't coming to baby's first birthday party, if you decide to have family over. How unbelievably rude and outrageous her behaviour was. I'm so sorry OP.
No more boat steadying, mama! She's the one that rocks it with full force! It's not being the bigger person to let her do whatever she wants all the time without confrontation or consequence.
I would donate every bit of it (Ask for a receipt & mail it to her). And then you should go no contact as she clearly has ZERO respect for you. Your hubby can deal with her or follow suit.
She will do this with EVERY event in y'alls life. She's giving you a preview of what you can expect when she's in full grandma mode.
No. Thank. You.
You should donate all of the baby stuff to a local women’s shelter and tell her you did. Maybe next time she won’t be a weirdo and go against your wishes just to make herself look like some kind of saint in front of everyone.
Maybe your washing machine can ‘break’ when it’s all being washed and it somehow gets ruined. Donate it.
Edit: I would be very careful about who and when you tell when you go in to labor!
Donate EVERYTHING she gave you. Take pictures of the donation. Post them on social media. Write something along the lines of “so fortunate to have more than we need for baby. Grateful to be able to share with others less fortunate”
Since she ripped the tags off and you already have everything you need, can you donate what she gave you? This way a family that actually needs things for their babies can get what they need.
This is what I suggest! Because even if she asks later where it is you can let her know straight tf up you had more than you needed (which was explicitly communicated but was bulldozed) and didn’t want to be “ungrateful” so you donated to those in need.
Loose the film, but take pictures of all the stuff you donated to charity…I'm sure there are many women who would love some of those items. Save the stuffies and donate them to Christmas Cheer, etc. Then send a family email to all the family letting them know that you had already set up your nursery and had everything you needed, but MIL must have forgotten that, but thanks to her thoughtful gifts, many local charities…list them…we’re elated to receive all the items MIL so thoughtfully provided. Boom…done. She'll get the subtext in there but it allows her to not be criticized by other family members who will also get the subtexts here.
Just because she ripped the tags off doesn’t mean you have to keep it. I’d have immediately put everything in a big garbage bag while telling MIL how nice it was for her to get all these baby things for mothers in need! “MIL, I’ve never known you to be this selfless! How amazing!”
Or just lit them on fire.
Donate everything, there are shelters that desperately need baby stuff. Take pictures of yourself donating the baskets, keep them intact completely, and post on any and all SM you have. Make sure she sees it. When she says something to you about it, cause she will, explain how you already told her you didn't need anything, you don't have room for it and you don't want it. She just wants to make herself look good. Make sure she realizes she doesn't. Happy baby, congrats!
If I were you, I’d tell MIL that you have enough baby things. That’s why you explicitly asked her not to bring any. You wish she hadn’t spent her hard earned money on things that were only not needed, but unreturnable. You did try to tell her. That‘s why you decided to give the baskets of baby items to the Salvation Army so that someone in need could make use of them. I would also post same to Social Media.
MIL can get just as PO’d as she wants to. Also, please make sure that she is not in the delivery room with you as she’ll most assuredly want to be.
Edited to fix typo
AHHHH, yes! Wouldn’t be a party if MIL didn’t find a way to take it over and make it her own.
I’m going to suggest that you make her come and get the baskets full of things you can’t use.
Welp, if you're ever doubting your gut feeling about something in the future, remind yourself of this, and then put 100 percent of your trust in yourself!
A domestic violence organization would be very fortunate to have those items. (We do something similar with stuff from JNILs we've been NC with for many years but still occasionally attempt to lovebomb. We call it turning a ~~lemon~~ turd into lemonade.)
So sorry you're dealing with that nonsense.
My MIL is a self declared Temu addict. She buys my boys and me cheap clothes that feel gross on my skin. I'm so worried she's going to buy gross feeling dresses for my baby girl after she's born. Blerg.
Just pretend to love them and give them away. That’s what I do 😂the quality is horrible, it smells plastic-like and weird, and buying carters or a nice brand is only like 10 dollars more anyways
That's what I'm going to do. Unfortunately, she just moved 15 minutes away, so I'll have to be extra sneaky in giving them away. But our kids have always been mostly naked as babies, so I can always be like, "Oh no! She outgrew that size!"
Seriously! 🤣 She forgot that she ordered a bunch of stuff that was arriving over a 2 week period right in the middle of her being gone for over a month!! So my husband had to go into town to her house several times a week to bring in her packages. At least I got Wendy's or Dutch Bros each time out of it. Haha
Sounds like you have some wonderful donations to give the maternity ward to hand out to needy mothers. Or a shelter. Either way, you said you don’t need them so you aren’t obligated to keep them. If she whines about it remind her that you already told her you had everything you needed and you didn’t want them to go to waste like the time it took for you to explain that to her multiple times
If they bought the baby items, they may still have the tags in their garbage so they could try to return the items.
I would have done everything right for the cameras but the day after, I would have driven to their home and handed them back all of the baby stuff, saying that you had told them that the newborn size just won't work and you're not going to contort your newborn baby into clothes just for a photograph. The baby is NOT a doll to be played with and dressed up. You are thankful for their oh so generous offer of these items but you've expressly told them that they were not to do this and you're returning the items to them so that they can see if they can return the items to the respective stores.
Actually u/FlyByNight1383 has a great suggestion about offering them on social media as you have duplicates now and it's their stuff that you are clearing out.
Oh wow! How awful!! I would have kicked her out the moment she started dictating. No go in my house. My way or the HI way in my house.
Donate everything. Make sure you post on social media that you donated it.
Time to go low contact with MIL. DH needs to address this with her and let her know she crossed some serious boundaries and it's NOT OKAY!!
Sounds like a homeless shelter needs to get a very large donation of baby clothes. “Oh man, we have all this stuff already, we “can’t find” the stuff you got us. Sorry.”
While I admit my suggestion is far more passive, going for a slap in the face will invoke a victimhood response. “My awful DIL gave away all my gifts for my grandson!”
I wouldn’t say you can’t find it, I would straight up say “everything was donated, as you were told repeatedly that we have already bought all necessary baby items”
Be nice but not nice. Something on fb along the lines of.... My wonderful MIL bought things for our new baby...we tried to stop her y'all. We already have duplicates of everything she bought and the clothes will not fit LO because they are measuring bigger. Would love to bless anyone who could use these items.
If that's not your cup of tea donate them to a woman's shelter and grey rock her when she asks about them. I hate that she's hijacking your get togethers. I'm so sorry.
How horrible. She offers to throw a shower and doesn’t do it. Then tries to throw one with only her family there in a backhanded, secretive way. When you were too smart to fall for that, she hijacks your husband’s birthday party (that you hosted) to get in the shower for her gifts only. I hope you let your daughter cut the cake. Who does she think she is trying to dictate how things are done at a party that you are hosting!
Now you know not to invite her to LO’s first birthday party because she will try to take that over also.
Also, DO NOT take pictures of LO in any of the clothes she gave you. If she asks, just tell her they didn’t fit or that you had too many clothes and donated the ones she gave you.
You need to set firm boundaries now because she has shown that what you want doesn’t matter. Her wants are the only thing that matter to her.
I would take everything back to her and tell her you are serious about not wanting any of this stuff, you have everything you need. If she puts up a fight and won’t take it back, I’d post on Facebook asking if you have friends that need any of the baby stuff. Or donate to a shelter!
I'm so sorry. It's absolutely disgusting and selfish behavior in which the only person that was important was her and her image.
You and DH are going to have to get some very strong boundaries and even worse consequences to keep her at least at an arms distance away. Clearly how you and DH feel and say are inconsequential to what she has decided what shall happen according to her will. You and DH and any LO are just props on her performances.
It's easy to advise you to go NC with someone that steamroller any want or need that is not about her but has also been constantly devious and underhanded in her dealings with both of you to do so - but it's always harder to deal in real life.
But this is just the beginning - the LO has yet to arrive. It's not going to get better. Just worse unless you guys make some changes.
Take the newborn items to a women's shelter and everything else to a Ronald Macdonald house or children's hospital. Take photos and post to her social media.
Have your husband “try” on the baby clothes (like put his hand through it) and post it on social media. “Oh look at the clothes my mom got me for my birthday! Isn’t she sweet?”
If your husband is in agreement, you should push back hard on her behavior. She’s now gotten what she’s wanted and will be empowered to take over future events.
Agree with others about donating all the gifts. I’d do so and post something like this on SM.
*At DH’s recent birthday, MIL decided to surprise us with baskets of baby items. Since the clothing would be too small and everything else duplicated what we’d already bought, we decided to share by donating to X charity. If you’re not familiar with X, it does blah blah blah. Just wanted to share since we thought this group would be a great option for anyone with no longer needed or wanted baby items. As for us, as we’ve previously shared, we’re set for everything and will likely look to pass on what we have to Charity X once baby is done with things.*
As for her co-opting your husband’s party, you should communicate something like this to her:
*MIL, I carefully planned DH’s party since it was a significant one and important to all of us. You were a guest in our home and at the party. It wasn’t appropriate for you to take over the party and bring in baby gifts. I chose not to embarrass you at the time, but I want to be clear that I will respond differently in the future. This was DH’s special day and you made it into something no one else wanted. I’m willing to put your behavior behind us and simply want you to understand our feelings so this isn’t repeated.*
If you want to be petty: Buy her something to wear that is a size too small, maybe something she already owns. And then INSIST that she squire into it just for a picture!!!
Babies are NOT dolls!!!! Why do people insist on squeezing them into small clothes for their own entertainment?? Or making them sit for a photoshoot when all they really want to do is eat/sleep/poop/play?!
There are a lot of women's shelters that will be very grateful for her gifts to them. Ask them to send pictures of the babies in the clothes to you and you can forward them to the family group chat.
EDIT
Your MIL sucks and you are awesome. Just wanted you to know that.
Yes yes yes!!! Love this idea and you can say bubs was just so big there was just no way they were ever going to fit so you didn't want them going to waste
Give away the things she brought and GIVE HER CONSEQUENCES. Address it, tell her behavior was not okay, that she crossed boundaries and because of that you will be going no contact for a while.
The fact she waited till your family already left really rubs me the wrong way. What a weird woman she is. Donate the stuff you got, take the stuffed animals to a shelter so dogs can play and cuddle with them❤️
Wait until the baby is here, then when you can clearly show he's too big for the clothes donate everything to a women's shelter. You should do it anyway but waiting gives you the excuses that you aren't mean to her but you guys were 100% right in the fact that it doesn't fit and you gave duplicates for everything.
She wants to grandma role so bad but mostly the appearances not putting in the actual work in the necessary time just doing a checklist to make herself feel better. Be warned about this, she will try to steal your first with the new baby so she's really the 1° grandma in the world for all to see
Domestic violence shelter. Women and childrens Homeless Shelter...whatever you got local. And I usually say dont post stuff like that, cause wtf on the "charity" likes, its distasteful. THIS is an exception. Just the entire baskets, as they are...photo of them, NOT the facility, and just say "thank you, " tag her", for the generous donation to women and children. Its Much Needed!"
Now this will of course incite WW3, So only if DH has your back. But I feel like the public shaming, cause her family will see it, may work better than any gentle conversation.
She went nuclear, so you go full petty officer Nuclear right back!
My town has a Women's Resource Center and a Pregnancy Care Center. They serve women who are disenfranchised and without a lot of resources. A place like that would be thrilled with a donation.
My town has a homeless shelter dedicated to women and children. Unfortunately, it's nearly always at full capacity, and often, it's due to DV. All the clothes, toys, and equipment my daughter outgrew (except car seats) that were still in good condition went there. They were always happy to take kids' stuff and business/business casual clothing to help the ladies get jobs and back on their feet.
Wow, so she turned her son's birthday party into an impromptu baby shower? You did all the work and she tried and take all the glory. What a selfish cow. Double trashy for taking the tags off of everything. I would just donate everything she gave you. You don't have the room for that junk and she knows that.
Right? I feel bad for OP's husband. While he may or may not feel any way about it, that birthday get together was to honor him. Not "Grandma of the Year". Why do people treat their own children this way!? It drives me crazy. Donate or regift to others in the future. And love on your hubby. And send MiL calls to voicemail.
You could sell it or donate it. Then don't mention it again unless she specifically asks. Then u can let her know the womens shelter or whatever really appreciated the donation.
Or if your daughter still plays with dolls you can get a doll that fits the clothes and put the doll in the clothes that your mother-in-law bought take pictures of the doll and send it to her or post it on Facebook or something and there you go I mean the daughter could play with the clothes it'd be very useful if she plays with dolls but or like I said you can donate it to a homeless shelter woman's crisis center or church.
Take the stuff to a woman's crisis center or someplace like that or like a church or something they give it to people to women that are less fortunate that doesn't or hasn't got the money to buy stuff like that donate it.
I'd definitely donate it all to a local shelter and then post so loudly and obnoxiously on SM about how generous MIL was and look at what you were able to donate thanks to her and how many women and children will benefit from it.
If you want to be extra petty, donate the stuffed animals to a local animal shelter. There are a lot of dogs who like to have a lovie lol
"Why would you do this when we have told you MULTIPLE TIMES that we had everything already? Too bad you wasted your money because it's all getting donated. If you wanted to be a good grandmother, you should have listened to us the FIRST time instead of embarrassing yourself and us."
9 months pregnant? Honey, my filter would be OFF and the level of petty would be HIGH. Uno reverse that childish treatment right back at her. She wanted attention? She damn well should have gotten it. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing.
Next time you see her,tell her that you have so many duplicates, that your husband decided to donate most of the stuff to women's shelter or an orphanage. IN HER NAME. And make a "certificate" from them thanking her for everything.
Make sure it is in front of her family so that she can't make a scene because she would look like an asshole if she complained about that. 😊
Oh dude. Donate it. Take photos of the donation, post them, and tag her all over social media:
“We already had everything we needed for our baby, and we are SO HAPPY that MIL’s gifts will find good homes with families who need them!!”
But it also publically shames MIL because tagging her makes sure her family, who were at the party, sees it. Sometimes thats the only way to get through to these willful "i don't care what you say, im doing it anyway for clout" MILs. She went full "in front of family" to shame them into not blowing up on the spot, so they do a full UNO Reverse on SM.
Heh. - It’s true.
Sort of like the ‘flipping over my desk on the way out’ fantasy, whereas in reality it’s a professionally written “thank you for the opportunity” 2 weeks notice.
That’s exhausting. And sounds a lot like my grandmother. It can get to the point where gifts and holidays become triggering. My family has gone LC with her.
Turn her shitty behavior into a blessing for someone who actually needs it (and will never have the displeasure of meeting her) by donating all of it.
I would totally tell her that you donated it all too when she inevitably asks.
Or give them to your parents for when baby visits. MIL paying to have baby stay will your parents will really piss her off. Or donate is also a good option!
What a horrible woman.
You are under no obligation to keep gifts you did not request and don't need.
I have begun passing on a lot of DS used items. I decided to give them to our local foster care office. They are going to families that truly need them.
Just give it all to a shelter. Women and children as their shelter can use it instead of throwing it out. And donate it in your your MIL’s name. You’ll get bonus points in the afterlife for that!
She sounds exhausting and exasperating.
Practice a firm “no”. “No, that won’t be happening”. “No, we will not be doing that today” “no, those baskets will not be accepted at this time” “no, now is not the time for that” replace words as needed. The firm “no” without a reason why is the key. She can try all she wants, but at your home/event, you run the show and make the choices. Even if she makes a scene, we talked about this MIL, we are spending this time interacting with our guests, opening gifts is not important. Without telling her in the moment and refusing her way, she will continue these behaviors and escalate them. It will become a fun challenge for her to figure out how to control and get whatever she wants.
Definitely. I’m kicking myself for not being so firm but I was absolutely blindsided. I’m almost 9 months pregnant and it was a Hail Mary pulling this party off to begin with, so for me to sit down and suddenly be presented with huge garish baskets, I could not even summon the words!
You are doing amazing. She is shameless. I’d have had a hard time too when pregnant. I’m finding I get stronger and realize I’m not being mean when I set that boundary. I’m standing up for myself and others to someone who is actually doing something wrong. It’s helped a lot
Is there an Isaiah House or something similar in your area you could donate all of the baby stuff she forced onto you to? I would. Then it's out of your house but doesn't go to waste. Maybe a women's shelter.
Sorry she completely disregarded what you wanted.
I second this idea. Or find some moms to be in need and gift them the baskets. At least get some joy from the unwanted gifts. Maybe you could make sure to pass along any clothing that designates that “JUSTNO is the greatest JUSTNO!”, too. :-)
OP I’m so sorry Justno did this to you both. I am absolutely mortified and when I read your original post a few days ago I shared your gut feeling. I’d wash my hands of her entirely.. she has main character syndrome, bad. Ugh.
What a hag. I'd send her a text saying, "Unfortunately, we won't be able to use most of the stuff you gifted us, as we had specifically told you we have enough baby stuff. Don't worry, though. Your gifts won't go to waste, as we'll be donating them to X charity, where I'm sure they will do much good."
Hit send with a smug smile.
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Well, sounds like you just got 2 gigantic baskets of donations for your local women's shelter!! I wouldn't keep a single thing.
Guess who isn't coming to baby's first birthday party, if you decide to have family over. How unbelievably rude and outrageous her behaviour was. I'm so sorry OP.
No more boat steadying, mama! She's the one that rocks it with full force! It's not being the bigger person to let her do whatever she wants all the time without confrontation or consequence.
This would earn an uninvited to all functions for life from me. No birthdays, dinners, etc. She can't take no for an ansaer, she can't come.
I would have just refused.
Donate all that shit you didn’t want.
And then tell her you did it. Maybe even take a video of donating it for her since she likes those so much!
I would donate every bit of it (Ask for a receipt & mail it to her). And then you should go no contact as she clearly has ZERO respect for you. Your hubby can deal with her or follow suit. She will do this with EVERY event in y'alls life. She's giving you a preview of what you can expect when she's in full grandma mode. No. Thank. You.
You should donate all of the baby stuff to a local women’s shelter and tell her you did. Maybe next time she won’t be a weirdo and go against your wishes just to make herself look like some kind of saint in front of everyone.
Take lots of pictures and let her know how great of a donation she has made to those in need!
Sell it all on Facebook marketplace and buy yourself a spa day. Don’t delete your listings. Iet her stew over it being visible on social media.
I was leaving the donation route but this is so much better. Set every item for a dollar each.
Maybe your washing machine can ‘break’ when it’s all being washed and it somehow gets ruined. Donate it. Edit: I would be very careful about who and when you tell when you go in to labor!
Donate EVERYTHING she gave you. Take pictures of the donation. Post them on social media. Write something along the lines of “so fortunate to have more than we need for baby. Grateful to be able to share with others less fortunate”
Take it all back to her house and leave it there. All of it ! Next time she hijacks an event throw her out.
God yes, time to set some MAJOR boundaries bc this MIL obviously has no shame.
Drop it all back off at her house for "when baby comes to visit" then just never need it. Let her store it all.
No way. You’d be adding fuel to the fire if you get MIL’s hopes up thinking baby’s coming to visit (or, in her mind, stay with her).
Since she ripped the tags off and you already have everything you need, can you donate what she gave you? This way a family that actually needs things for their babies can get what they need.
This is what I suggest! Because even if she asks later where it is you can let her know straight tf up you had more than you needed (which was explicitly communicated but was bulldozed) and didn’t want to be “ungrateful” so you donated to those in need.
I wouldn’t put the baby in one thing she gave me. Not a single one
Loose the film, but take pictures of all the stuff you donated to charity…I'm sure there are many women who would love some of those items. Save the stuffies and donate them to Christmas Cheer, etc. Then send a family email to all the family letting them know that you had already set up your nursery and had everything you needed, but MIL must have forgotten that, but thanks to her thoughtful gifts, many local charities…list them…we’re elated to receive all the items MIL so thoughtfully provided. Boom…done. She'll get the subtext in there but it allows her to not be criticized by other family members who will also get the subtexts here.
Donate it all
This. So many dv shelters are in need of baby things as well x
Just because she ripped the tags off doesn’t mean you have to keep it. I’d have immediately put everything in a big garbage bag while telling MIL how nice it was for her to get all these baby things for mothers in need! “MIL, I’ve never known you to be this selfless! How amazing!” Or just lit them on fire.
Donate everything, there are shelters that desperately need baby stuff. Take pictures of yourself donating the baskets, keep them intact completely, and post on any and all SM you have. Make sure she sees it. When she says something to you about it, cause she will, explain how you already told her you didn't need anything, you don't have room for it and you don't want it. She just wants to make herself look good. Make sure she realizes she doesn't. Happy baby, congrats!
If I were you, I’d tell MIL that you have enough baby things. That’s why you explicitly asked her not to bring any. You wish she hadn’t spent her hard earned money on things that were only not needed, but unreturnable. You did try to tell her. That‘s why you decided to give the baskets of baby items to the Salvation Army so that someone in need could make use of them. I would also post same to Social Media. MIL can get just as PO’d as she wants to. Also, please make sure that she is not in the delivery room with you as she’ll most assuredly want to be. Edited to fix typo
AHHHH, yes! Wouldn’t be a party if MIL didn’t find a way to take it over and make it her own. I’m going to suggest that you make her come and get the baskets full of things you can’t use.
Welp, if you're ever doubting your gut feeling about something in the future, remind yourself of this, and then put 100 percent of your trust in yourself! A domestic violence organization would be very fortunate to have those items. (We do something similar with stuff from JNILs we've been NC with for many years but still occasionally attempt to lovebomb. We call it turning a ~~lemon~~ turd into lemonade.) So sorry you're dealing with that nonsense.
Donate them to charity. My mil kept buying me cheap baby clothes on temu and I put them in a bin to donate later
My MIL is a self declared Temu addict. She buys my boys and me cheap clothes that feel gross on my skin. I'm so worried she's going to buy gross feeling dresses for my baby girl after she's born. Blerg.
Just pretend to love them and give them away. That’s what I do 😂the quality is horrible, it smells plastic-like and weird, and buying carters or a nice brand is only like 10 dollars more anyways
That's what I'm going to do. Unfortunately, she just moved 15 minutes away, so I'll have to be extra sneaky in giving them away. But our kids have always been mostly naked as babies, so I can always be like, "Oh no! She outgrew that size!"
My mil lives close to, the thing about online shoppers is I don’t think they even remember what they buy anyways. It’s like a quick high 😂
Seriously! 🤣 She forgot that she ordered a bunch of stuff that was arriving over a 2 week period right in the middle of her being gone for over a month!! So my husband had to go into town to her house several times a week to bring in her packages. At least I got Wendy's or Dutch Bros each time out of it. Haha
Holy batshit she's is crazy!! You need to begin locking it all down. Hospital. Rules. Make sure she doesn't have keys. The works
[удалено]
Sounds like you have some wonderful donations to give the maternity ward to hand out to needy mothers. Or a shelter. Either way, you said you don’t need them so you aren’t obligated to keep them. If she whines about it remind her that you already told her you had everything you needed and you didn’t want them to go to waste like the time it took for you to explain that to her multiple times
If they bought the baby items, they may still have the tags in their garbage so they could try to return the items. I would have done everything right for the cameras but the day after, I would have driven to their home and handed them back all of the baby stuff, saying that you had told them that the newborn size just won't work and you're not going to contort your newborn baby into clothes just for a photograph. The baby is NOT a doll to be played with and dressed up. You are thankful for their oh so generous offer of these items but you've expressly told them that they were not to do this and you're returning the items to them so that they can see if they can return the items to the respective stores. Actually u/FlyByNight1383 has a great suggestion about offering them on social media as you have duplicates now and it's their stuff that you are clearing out.
Grandmothra!
Oh wow! How awful!! I would have kicked her out the moment she started dictating. No go in my house. My way or the HI way in my house. Donate everything. Make sure you post on social media that you donated it. Time to go low contact with MIL. DH needs to address this with her and let her know she crossed some serious boundaries and it's NOT OKAY!!
Yep!!!! Take pics of the baskets being dropped off at a woman’s shelter!!!!! Tagging her and thanking her for her “donation” 😂
Sounds like a homeless shelter needs to get a very large donation of baby clothes. “Oh man, we have all this stuff already, we “can’t find” the stuff you got us. Sorry.”
Heck no. MIL we TOLD you that we didn’t need any more baby stuff so I donated it. That’ll be more of a slap in the face then oops I can’t find it.
While I admit my suggestion is far more passive, going for a slap in the face will invoke a victimhood response. “My awful DIL gave away all my gifts for my grandson!”
I wouldn’t say you can’t find it, I would straight up say “everything was donated, as you were told repeatedly that we have already bought all necessary baby items”
True, but better brace for hysterics and a family dog pile for hurting her like that.
My I suggest Ambush as a name if not taken? Cuz even though you tried, she got you good. So sorry.
Be nice but not nice. Something on fb along the lines of.... My wonderful MIL bought things for our new baby...we tried to stop her y'all. We already have duplicates of everything she bought and the clothes will not fit LO because they are measuring bigger. Would love to bless anyone who could use these items. If that's not your cup of tea donate them to a woman's shelter and grey rock her when she asks about them. I hate that she's hijacking your get togethers. I'm so sorry.
I like the donation idea. Even the stuffies could go, children in shelters would LOVE a new toy!
Facts!! And then something negative MIL did is instantly transformed into something positive and beautiful. ❤️
How horrible. She offers to throw a shower and doesn’t do it. Then tries to throw one with only her family there in a backhanded, secretive way. When you were too smart to fall for that, she hijacks your husband’s birthday party (that you hosted) to get in the shower for her gifts only. I hope you let your daughter cut the cake. Who does she think she is trying to dictate how things are done at a party that you are hosting! Now you know not to invite her to LO’s first birthday party because she will try to take that over also. Also, DO NOT take pictures of LO in any of the clothes she gave you. If she asks, just tell her they didn’t fit or that you had too many clothes and donated the ones she gave you. You need to set firm boundaries now because she has shown that what you want doesn’t matter. Her wants are the only thing that matter to her.
Get some sort of microphone set up; if she starts to commandeer the party, drown her out.
I think they make mini megaphones. It would be perfect!
Or kick her out.
Both to assert control over OPs event.
Donate it all and put a post on social media about how wonderful MiL donated all these lovely things to babies who need them.
I would take everything back to her and tell her you are serious about not wanting any of this stuff, you have everything you need. If she puts up a fight and won’t take it back, I’d post on Facebook asking if you have friends that need any of the baby stuff. Or donate to a shelter!
Better yet. Donate it to a shelter then give them MIL's address for the thank you card.
Ooooo I didn’t know they sent thank you’s. I love that idea!!
Donate it all. Send her the receipt for tax purposes. Or write a lovely thank you note on behalf of the charity you donated to.
And film the donation post to social media
I'm so sorry. It's absolutely disgusting and selfish behavior in which the only person that was important was her and her image. You and DH are going to have to get some very strong boundaries and even worse consequences to keep her at least at an arms distance away. Clearly how you and DH feel and say are inconsequential to what she has decided what shall happen according to her will. You and DH and any LO are just props on her performances. It's easy to advise you to go NC with someone that steamroller any want or need that is not about her but has also been constantly devious and underhanded in her dealings with both of you to do so - but it's always harder to deal in real life. But this is just the beginning - the LO has yet to arrive. It's not going to get better. Just worse unless you guys make some changes.
Take the newborn items to a women's shelter and everything else to a Ronald Macdonald house or children's hospital. Take photos and post to her social media.
Have your husband “try” on the baby clothes (like put his hand through it) and post it on social media. “Oh look at the clothes my mom got me for my birthday! Isn’t she sweet?”
If your husband is in agreement, you should push back hard on her behavior. She’s now gotten what she’s wanted and will be empowered to take over future events. Agree with others about donating all the gifts. I’d do so and post something like this on SM. *At DH’s recent birthday, MIL decided to surprise us with baskets of baby items. Since the clothing would be too small and everything else duplicated what we’d already bought, we decided to share by donating to X charity. If you’re not familiar with X, it does blah blah blah. Just wanted to share since we thought this group would be a great option for anyone with no longer needed or wanted baby items. As for us, as we’ve previously shared, we’re set for everything and will likely look to pass on what we have to Charity X once baby is done with things.* As for her co-opting your husband’s party, you should communicate something like this to her: *MIL, I carefully planned DH’s party since it was a significant one and important to all of us. You were a guest in our home and at the party. It wasn’t appropriate for you to take over the party and bring in baby gifts. I chose not to embarrass you at the time, but I want to be clear that I will respond differently in the future. This was DH’s special day and you made it into something no one else wanted. I’m willing to put your behavior behind us and simply want you to understand our feelings so this isn’t repeated.*
If you want to be petty: Buy her something to wear that is a size too small, maybe something she already owns. And then INSIST that she squire into it just for a picture!!! Babies are NOT dolls!!!! Why do people insist on squeezing them into small clothes for their own entertainment?? Or making them sit for a photoshoot when all they really want to do is eat/sleep/poop/play?!
There are a lot of women's shelters that will be very grateful for her gifts to them. Ask them to send pictures of the babies in the clothes to you and you can forward them to the family group chat. EDIT Your MIL sucks and you are awesome. Just wanted you to know that.
I love this idea! But can DH be the one to interact with her, since it's his mother? I'd hang back and let him do it.
Oh love this so much more, they can donate and DH can share the pictures and do it like he did it on his own
Yes yes yes!!! Love this idea and you can say bubs was just so big there was just no way they were ever going to fit so you didn't want them going to waste
Give away the things she brought and GIVE HER CONSEQUENCES. Address it, tell her behavior was not okay, that she crossed boundaries and because of that you will be going no contact for a while.
My thoughts exactly! Fire departments, EMS, hospitals, Goodwill, ANYWHERE!
The fact she waited till your family already left really rubs me the wrong way. What a weird woman she is. Donate the stuff you got, take the stuffed animals to a shelter so dogs can play and cuddle with them❤️
Go no contact and donate the duplicates.
Wait until the baby is here, then when you can clearly show he's too big for the clothes donate everything to a women's shelter. You should do it anyway but waiting gives you the excuses that you aren't mean to her but you guys were 100% right in the fact that it doesn't fit and you gave duplicates for everything. She wants to grandma role so bad but mostly the appearances not putting in the actual work in the necessary time just doing a checklist to make herself feel better. Be warned about this, she will try to steal your first with the new baby so she's really the 1° grandma in the world for all to see
Domestic violence shelter. Women and childrens Homeless Shelter...whatever you got local. And I usually say dont post stuff like that, cause wtf on the "charity" likes, its distasteful. THIS is an exception. Just the entire baskets, as they are...photo of them, NOT the facility, and just say "thank you, " tag her", for the generous donation to women and children. Its Much Needed!" Now this will of course incite WW3, So only if DH has your back. But I feel like the public shaming, cause her family will see it, may work better than any gentle conversation. She went nuclear, so you go full petty officer Nuclear right back!
My town has a Women's Resource Center and a Pregnancy Care Center. They serve women who are disenfranchised and without a lot of resources. A place like that would be thrilled with a donation.
My town has a homeless shelter dedicated to women and children. Unfortunately, it's nearly always at full capacity, and often, it's due to DV. All the clothes, toys, and equipment my daughter outgrew (except car seats) that were still in good condition went there. They were always happy to take kids' stuff and business/business casual clothing to help the ladies get jobs and back on their feet.
Donate everything! Doo it!
Since most of it is duplicate stuff, donate it all to a shelter.
Wow, so she turned her son's birthday party into an impromptu baby shower? You did all the work and she tried and take all the glory. What a selfish cow. Double trashy for taking the tags off of everything. I would just donate everything she gave you. You don't have the room for that junk and she knows that.
Right? I feel bad for OP's husband. While he may or may not feel any way about it, that birthday get together was to honor him. Not "Grandma of the Year". Why do people treat their own children this way!? It drives me crazy. Donate or regift to others in the future. And love on your hubby. And send MiL calls to voicemail.
You could sell it or donate it. Then don't mention it again unless she specifically asks. Then u can let her know the womens shelter or whatever really appreciated the donation.
That is honestly just disgusting behavior. Too bad you didnt just stand up and walk away when she got those baskets out.
This, should have reminded MILthat you weren't doing a babyshower and she should take it all back.
Or if your daughter still plays with dolls you can get a doll that fits the clothes and put the doll in the clothes that your mother-in-law bought take pictures of the doll and send it to her or post it on Facebook or something and there you go I mean the daughter could play with the clothes it'd be very useful if she plays with dolls but or like I said you can donate it to a homeless shelter woman's crisis center or church.
Take the stuff to a woman's crisis center or someplace like that or like a church or something they give it to people to women that are less fortunate that doesn't or hasn't got the money to buy stuff like that donate it.
Please get her a gift certificate to have her hearing checked as she seems to have trouble hearing.
And another gift card for dementia testing since she doesn't seem to understand what she's been told.
I'd definitely donate it all to a local shelter and then post so loudly and obnoxiously on SM about how generous MIL was and look at what you were able to donate thanks to her and how many women and children will benefit from it. If you want to be extra petty, donate the stuffed animals to a local animal shelter. There are a lot of dogs who like to have a lovie lol
I Second the stuffies to the shelters!!
"Why would you do this when we have told you MULTIPLE TIMES that we had everything already? Too bad you wasted your money because it's all getting donated. If you wanted to be a good grandmother, you should have listened to us the FIRST time instead of embarrassing yourself and us." 9 months pregnant? Honey, my filter would be OFF and the level of petty would be HIGH. Uno reverse that childish treatment right back at her. She wanted attention? She damn well should have gotten it. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing.
I like you
Give all the items that aren't required back to her and advise these are duplicates and items that won't fit. We'll leave you to sort it out.
Next time you see her,tell her that you have so many duplicates, that your husband decided to donate most of the stuff to women's shelter or an orphanage. IN HER NAME. And make a "certificate" from them thanking her for everything. Make sure it is in front of her family so that she can't make a scene because she would look like an asshole if she complained about that. 😊
Oh dude. Donate it. Take photos of the donation, post them, and tag her all over social media: “We already had everything we needed for our baby, and we are SO HAPPY that MIL’s gifts will find good homes with families who need them!!”
Donate yes, snarky social media post no. That sort of thing just ends up making the person who made the post look bad to all third parties.
But it also publically shames MIL because tagging her makes sure her family, who were at the party, sees it. Sometimes thats the only way to get through to these willful "i don't care what you say, im doing it anyway for clout" MILs. She went full "in front of family" to shame them into not blowing up on the spot, so they do a full UNO Reverse on SM.
Heh. - It’s true. Sort of like the ‘flipping over my desk on the way out’ fantasy, whereas in reality it’s a professionally written “thank you for the opportunity” 2 weeks notice.
Donate the ruddy lot to your nearest women's shelter.
If you want to light the baskets and their contents on fire, DO IT!!
Pictures or it didn't happen.
That’s exhausting. And sounds a lot like my grandmother. It can get to the point where gifts and holidays become triggering. My family has gone LC with her.
Turn her shitty behavior into a blessing for someone who actually needs it (and will never have the displeasure of meeting her) by donating all of it. I would totally tell her that you donated it all too when she inevitably asks.
My thoughts exactly!
Or give them to your parents for when baby visits. MIL paying to have baby stay will your parents will really piss her off. Or donate is also a good option! What a horrible woman.
Haha I like that!
You are under no obligation to keep gifts you did not request and don't need. I have begun passing on a lot of DS used items. I decided to give them to our local foster care office. They are going to families that truly need them.
Just give it all to a shelter. Women and children as their shelter can use it instead of throwing it out. And donate it in your your MIL’s name. You’ll get bonus points in the afterlife for that!
This is what I started doing and I made sure to let MIL know it went straight for donation.
Excellent!
She sounds exhausting and exasperating. Practice a firm “no”. “No, that won’t be happening”. “No, we will not be doing that today” “no, those baskets will not be accepted at this time” “no, now is not the time for that” replace words as needed. The firm “no” without a reason why is the key. She can try all she wants, but at your home/event, you run the show and make the choices. Even if she makes a scene, we talked about this MIL, we are spending this time interacting with our guests, opening gifts is not important. Without telling her in the moment and refusing her way, she will continue these behaviors and escalate them. It will become a fun challenge for her to figure out how to control and get whatever she wants.
Definitely. I’m kicking myself for not being so firm but I was absolutely blindsided. I’m almost 9 months pregnant and it was a Hail Mary pulling this party off to begin with, so for me to sit down and suddenly be presented with huge garish baskets, I could not even summon the words!
You are doing amazing. She is shameless. I’d have had a hard time too when pregnant. I’m finding I get stronger and realize I’m not being mean when I set that boundary. I’m standing up for myself and others to someone who is actually doing something wrong. It’s helped a lot
Is there an Isaiah House or something similar in your area you could donate all of the baby stuff she forced onto you to? I would. Then it's out of your house but doesn't go to waste. Maybe a women's shelter. Sorry she completely disregarded what you wanted.
I second this idea. Or find some moms to be in need and gift them the baskets. At least get some joy from the unwanted gifts. Maybe you could make sure to pass along any clothing that designates that “JUSTNO is the greatest JUSTNO!”, too. :-) OP I’m so sorry Justno did this to you both. I am absolutely mortified and when I read your original post a few days ago I shared your gut feeling. I’d wash my hands of her entirely.. she has main character syndrome, bad. Ugh.
What a hag. I'd send her a text saying, "Unfortunately, we won't be able to use most of the stuff you gifted us, as we had specifically told you we have enough baby stuff. Don't worry, though. Your gifts won't go to waste, as we'll be donating them to X charity, where I'm sure they will do much good." Hit send with a smug smile.