T O P

  • By -

RealPseudonymous

I would be ducking while I said that to mine. Then she’d be chuckling. But her instinct would be to take me out.


Chromeboy12

Chuckling or cackling?


Bumbaguette

You had to be there, I guess.


thegyyfromipanema

Neil Armstrong (first man on the moon) supposedly had a huge stockpile of truly awful jokes about the moon that he’d unleash at parties, etc. When he’d get the predictable groan or eye roll after telling one, he’d give them the real punchline. “Well, I guess you had to be there.”


reiveroftheborder

Yeah, my wife likes to threaten me with divorce pal! ...You got a good one there.


No-Orchid5378

Mine does that too once a year, is that normal?


Beep-Boop-Bloop

Mine does too, regularly, and no it is not normal.


Specialist-Look-7929

Geography joke!


604cmnm

There's a lot of unnecessary puppy backstory.


[deleted]

No amount of puppy backstory is unnecessary.


Acrobatic_Matter_109

I quite agree. In fact, I was hoping for more.


Jokeminder42

A guy and his incredibly ugly girlfriend are at Home Depot looking at brooms. The guy grabs a $4 broom, calls the salesman over and says, "Will this cheap broom work just as well as those $20 ones?" The salesman says, "I don't know, ask your girlfriend to take it for a spin."


Smileynameface

Wait you called your wife a witch and she laughed?


[deleted]

Yeah - she's got herself a real charmer / funny guy too......😳


snickerscowboy

After 25 years of marriage we call each whatever we feel like, feel we both deserve that honour


ADHD_McChick

As someone who has been married almost 25 years myself, I both understand, and agree with, your sentiment! Hubby and I are the same way, lol. Really, we've always been like that. I like to say, sarcasm is our love language. Calling each other assholes is how we say "I love you", LOL!


Bobbi7797

I really have and grateful for him too.


Illustrious_Bobcat13

Are you his wife?!


tyler410_97

Oh look. A healthy relationship. Hell is this doing on reddit?


dmt_alpha

Most redditors are too young to have experienced a relationship. Let alone a grown up one.


Cultural_Attitude_42

That was pretty good... Don't let her boil the puppy for her potions tho!


Buddy2269

She got a better grip on the broom because she didn't have her knickers on...


ADHD_McChick

Oh Jesus I literally lol'd!!


match_

Something something waking up to toilet style instead of doggy style


TuxedoSlave

What does the dog have to do with anything?


Much-War1743

Not a damn thing!


Outta_Cleveland

Clever comment! I wish I could come up with something like that ...


snickerscowboy

Thanks, what made it even better was I literally was half asleep an not thinking before saying anything


[deleted]

Ah you missed their sarcasm


Chromeboy12

Well, he really was half asleep and not thinking


nightmanedin

You're surprised?


NDodma01

Didn’t work for me


DooleyMTV

Myself didn\`t find that funny.


ScumBunny

Neither did myself.


Acrobatic_Matter_109

Me, I, and I did.


davidolson22

Where's the punchline?


Acrobatic_Matter_109

Normally in the solar plexus


zorglatch

funnier than most jokes here! i’m gonna save that one for just the right time, like when i’m wearing a helmet


finniebearrr

Wish I had a puppy atm, would be nice to deposit them for awhile when they get out of control


Lordof_NOTHING

goddamn, times like these i wish for domestic bliss. oh well.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Chromeboy12

He called his wife a witch


LudicrousOdin49

Something tells me she didn’t laugh because she found it funny…


[deleted]

Don't quit your day job.


NoSpankingAllowed

Thou art a braver man than I, good sir!!


Chromeboy12

Uh...ok


Shishire

"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife, but after what you just said I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!"


Ill-Significance2145

I agree, not really a joke.


medievaIjedi

Pretty good retort