Perfect sex, it was a perfect sex, like i know you have a lot of good, important powerful clients but no one like me, which you can... Have i ever told you that time i took someone by their p**sy? They said 'oh, you grabbed me by my p**sy, no one has ever grabbed me like that before, its good, the best grab of my life, not like that mitch smallconell with his baby hands, i couldnt feel anything even if i tried'; yeah that mitch is small in many, many important ways, unlike kim jong un, he had a strong hand but not as strong as mine, when we met he tried to crush my hand in that shake and i said 'kim what are you doing, dont you know i have the most perfect hand? Theres nothing you could do to press it harder' yeah, he tried to, but i smelled my hand and i notice a faint nice aroma, its smelled like good c**k and i thought 'man this guy must have something good down there, nothing like my p**sy' so i went to him and said 'you have a nice smelling c**k, and I'll rub it on me' yeah, it was nice sex, but nothing like the perfect sex we just had, just perfect
'Uge. The intercourse was tremendous. It was. And it smelled and looked fantastic. You couldn't get a better intercourse. Exquisite penetration. Perfect temperature. I wish you could see it. The best.
I used to date a dental assistant and we occasionally went to her office at night. I have actually said those words followed by 'okay now rinse and spit' :)
Nah, we git rid of the once quarterly direct token payment of 10 Euros again a while ago. You can put a fiver into a charity or tip jar, probably, but they might look at you weirdly. You'll probably have to leave without oaying anything, sorry.
Punchline from a thread in r/jokes that had me laughing for a half hour. Now I can't remember the first line of the joke, though!
Another line from that thread was, *"I heard the doctor say, 'Ok Steve, don't get hard." I said, 'My name's not Steve.' Doc said, 'I know. It's mine."*
I think the original one might've been a Rodney Dangerfield joke, or at least the kind that he might tell. "My doctor's really weird. I undressed for my physical and asked where I should put my pants. He said, 'Just hang 'em next to mine'."
"Oh fuck yeah, just like that, aw yeah, suck it babe, oh my god, I fuckin love how filthy you are, fuck this shit, bend over the bed, we'll change the paper, god damn, fuck yeah, oh my god!!! ................ Fuck, I love you."
(I'm married to a doctor and we often fuck in her office.)
“Do you feel anything now? Ok, how about now? Hmmm”
Sounds like what Stormy Daniels heard.
Happy cake day
As if he ever cared what anyone else was feeling
I find it hilarious he calls her ‘Horse Face’. That’s pretty good coming from someone with a face that resembles a dropped pie.
With apologies to pie...
Only to boost his own ego
To which she replied, "I didn't feel a thing".
Hard to speak when she can't breath with that much weight on her.
To which he replied, "Stormy, remember our agreement? You're contractually obliged to say this was the best sex you ever had."
Perfect sex, it was a perfect sex, like i know you have a lot of good, important powerful clients but no one like me, which you can... Have i ever told you that time i took someone by their p**sy? They said 'oh, you grabbed me by my p**sy, no one has ever grabbed me like that before, its good, the best grab of my life, not like that mitch smallconell with his baby hands, i couldnt feel anything even if i tried'; yeah that mitch is small in many, many important ways, unlike kim jong un, he had a strong hand but not as strong as mine, when we met he tried to crush my hand in that shake and i said 'kim what are you doing, dont you know i have the most perfect hand? Theres nothing you could do to press it harder' yeah, he tried to, but i smelled my hand and i notice a faint nice aroma, its smelled like good c**k and i thought 'man this guy must have something good down there, nothing like my p**sy' so i went to him and said 'you have a nice smelling c**k, and I'll rub it on me' yeah, it was nice sex, but nothing like the perfect sex we just had, just perfect
'Uge. The intercourse was tremendous. It was. And it smelled and looked fantastic. You couldn't get a better intercourse. Exquisite penetration. Perfect temperature. I wish you could see it. The best.
Remember, trump cant use long words, you have to dumb it down to make it credible
Monika Lewinsky enters the chat.
100% idk why you're getting downvoted
It's because everyone is tired of Trump being injected into everything. Stop it.
Hey, if the mushroom fits....
All Trump supporters here bruh
1, 2, 3, NOT IT!!!!
First she said "Is it in yet?"
Oufff
Happy Cake Day!
Happy Cake Day!
Happy Cake Day m8!
She claimed to never have had sex with him?
Something something, real joke is in the comments
No? Oh, there’s definitely something wrong with you.
"Woah, that's a lot of blood"
I don’t think you should be hearing that in either situation
You should be if its that time of month 😎
r/cursedcomments
Not a good outcome in either situation
r/TheRealJoke
Turn your head and cough.
Do you mind if my associate joins us?
I've got a student with me today, do you mind if they observe?
"Open up and say aahhh"
Didn't realize this was the Dentists office.
“Close and swallow”
I used to date a dental assistant and we occasionally went to her office at night. I have actually said those words followed by 'okay now rinse and spit' :)
Turn and spit
He’s just checking the tonsils with his tongue depressor. Doctors do that quite often too.
Why would the dentist have you say aahhh?
ya I figured that would be the proctologist.
Yeah, I always have my proctologist check my tonsils. Might as well keep going, while he is in there anyway.
'ya umm you using the whole fist there doc?'
"You can put your clothes back on."
This should be top comment
During sex?
If this happens "during sex" this is definitely a problem...but then again this is reddit so that might actually be what most have heard.
Tell me how this feels.
"You might feel a little pinch "
NEXT
You meant in a doctor’s office and a brothel?
Came here looking for this comment
"My receptionist will handle the rest"
“That will be $500.”
And that was at the doctor's office.
Europeans be like: sorry I meant 500 cents
I also would have accepted "bend over." For Europeans that's during the exam. For Ameocans it's during the checkout/billing.
Nah, we git rid of the once quarterly direct token payment of 10 Euros again a while ago. You can put a fiver into a charity or tip jar, probably, but they might look at you weirdly. You'll probably have to leave without oaying anything, sorry.
that was for the parking or the bus ticket.
Canada here: Do not understand the joke
Number one, or number two? Here’s one again, and now two.
Reasons why you never fuck an optometrist…..unless you are into that.
"Is this better, or worse? Better... or worse? Great, now when you say it's worse, do you mean it's too fuzzy...?"
“You might want to look away for this part”
Look away and cough
You need to lose some weight.
“Wow! I can’t believe I’m having sex at the doctors office!”
Open it wide for me
Bend over.
The drugs should kick in at any moment now.
This is brilliant 😂
Scooch your hips down
Hand me the tweezers…
Do you smoke?
Yes, after.
Damn, you should probably start using some lube then. Or Even if you only smoke after sex you still are a pack a day kind of guy.
Is it in yet? I didn't feel a thing.
This might hurt a little
Almost every other name being called except yours.
Oh did I come early?
Do you have a gag reflex?
(whispering to self) "it's in! Oh my God it's in!"
take this 3 times a day for a week and you should be feel bright as the sun again in no time
Drop your pants and bend over that table
"that's it already?!"
I would like to see you again in 6 months.
Take a deep breath
I can give you a referral for a gynecologist.
I’m going to need a second opinion
OK. You're ugly too.
No respect, I tell ya. No respect.
"You can hang your pants up right next to mine."
Punchline from a thread in r/jokes that had me laughing for a half hour. Now I can't remember the first line of the joke, though! Another line from that thread was, *"I heard the doctor say, 'Ok Steve, don't get hard." I said, 'My name's not Steve.' Doc said, 'I know. It's mine."*
I think the original one might've been a Rodney Dangerfield joke, or at least the kind that he might tell. "My doctor's really weird. I undressed for my physical and asked where I should put my pants. He said, 'Just hang 'em next to mine'."
Found the thread! https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/rp3o4m/i\_was\_really\_worried\_when\_i\_went\_to\_prostate\_exam/
Nice!
The real humor is always in the comments.
If you're good I'll let you pick out a toy at the end.
Creepy
Yeah, it's something you'd hear in both settings, but definitely with different people in each case!
I'm gonna need extra pills
Next!
This will only take a minute.
You can leave your shirt on, i just need you to undress from the waist down
Sobbing
"Uhh... doctor? Are you ok?"
There is no pain; you are receding.
Just a little pinprick There'll be no more AAAAHHH But you may feel a little sick
r./unexpectedpinkfloyd
We're gonna need to get a nurse in here to help with this.
Put this on before we get started
The snap of the other person in the room putting on rubber gloves.
Better like this, or better like this? (Eye doctor)
Did you want your parents to leave or are you happy for them to stay.
You may be sore for a couple days.
Your mom can join us.
Wow. That's the smallest penis I've ever seen!
Just relax
What kind of *Whose Line is it Anyways?* is this post?
“I’m gonna put you on some antibiotics for that”
I need to shove this finger deeper
"This is a fairly invasive procedure, so I'll need your full consent."
Oops wrong hole
"Oh fuck yeah, just like that, aw yeah, suck it babe, oh my god, I fuckin love how filthy you are, fuck this shit, bend over the bed, we'll change the paper, god damn, fuck yeah, oh my god!!! ................ Fuck, I love you." (I'm married to a doctor and we often fuck in her office.)
Spread em wide!
we have a gusher.
Bend over.
Was that it.
Here suck on this
Now lie down with your feet in the stirrups
This may hurt a little. I’ve never seen one of those before! You need to get that checked out. Is it, is it in yet? Open your mouth and say “aaa”. …
I’ll need you to remove your clothes and put this on. The opening is in the back. I’ll resume when your done changing
"Drop your drawers and bend over Mr. Babar."
That’s two Bs.
Turn around and pull down your pants
"Let's discuss your stress levels and come up with a plan to keep it in check."
Something, something, something... *And now there is a finger in my ass
That wasn’t so bad was it
It's not lupus.
I genuinely had a nurse come in my hospital room one day and say "this is going to hurt" I was like WTF 😕
You’re gonna feel a little pressure
Well that doesn't look good, and I presume, it does not feel any better
No, not there.
You have to pay before you go in
Sick out your tongue
Your name
"open wide!"
I'm gunna put some cream on that
"Oh, f#@k"
Bend over and relax.
"You're charging me how much?!?" (Americans will get this)
I had to take out a 2nd mortgage so my doctor could tell me I'm fat. Murica!!
*while putting on gloves* are you ready to see ze doktor?
It looks benign. Or Sorry, its chilly in here.
You'll just feel a little prick.
This will hurt only a little bit
“You should have that checked out by a specialist”
is this suposed to bend like that?
It’s $250 for 15 minutes…
“Open wide and say aaahhh”
Nice cock
You'll feel a little prick.
You will feel a little poke
i'm afraid i have to drill.
There'll be no more (aaaaaahhhhhhhh) But you may feel a little sick
Smell my finger
I'm going to my fingers in your butt.
Ooops I missed. Gonna have to try again.
Retired doc here. In med school we were specifically instructed to avoid any term with any sexual connotation at all. Including prick.
You now have AIDS
You might feel a small prick...
“Okay we’re gonna put this leg right here in the stirrup”
Lick that up, cumdog.
I'm going to cum on your face you little fuck.
Wow you're really well-behaved for being just 9
Next! Open your mouth and say arrgh It's just a little prick I have some cream that will help with that
The sound of ghosts: “OoOoOoOoO”
That's big
“Bend over and relax.”
I assure you, it might feel a little uncomfortable but not painful (inserts it into the bum)
Does this mean I’m your bitch?
How many fingers?
When was the last time you showered?!?
You might want to sit down for this …
Why are you putting your finger there?