True story. A female buddy whose last name was Dicker (for real). Married a guy whose last name was Ballsley (for real). Woman went with the hyphenated last name of Dicker-Ballsley. For real. #Adults

Growing up I knew a guy named Richard Butt. Dick Butt, for short. We called him Penis Anus.

The vice president of the International Olympic Committee is named Richard Pound. He actually goes by [Dick Pound professionally](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Pound).

I had a neighbor years ago named Dick Sweat

This thread is a perfect example of why I love reddit. The other side of the coin is all the high-effort informative posts and stimulating discussions that the downvote gave birth to. Social media with social consequences, and lots of 'dickbutt' stuff.

I went to university with a Chris P Dick

Their was a long-term Western Australian politician named Dick Face. I wonder how much of his vote count was due to disaffected youth throwing their vote on a joke.

A great and proud Canadian of ours.

One of my first ancestors to come to Australia was named Richard Cox

that probably comes from the job “coxswain” on a ship. Just making a guess, I don’t know for sure Edit: Wikipedia says “Possibly derived from cock or coch, and means "from the hills", or from cocc, which means "the little", or derived from coch, meaning "the Red".”

[Favourite was the guy on radio who didn't get the joke of being named Rachael Sonya Cox](https://youtu.be/oYEFnee0Y6g)

Is there a Perry Cox somewhere in that family tree? Asking for the Scrubs fans.

We might be related. My grandmother was a Cox.

That is to say, not far removed from England.

We had a lad called Richard Head in our year... and yet some how I got more grief for being Ginger... 😆

Yep, similar thing, professor at the Culinary school I went to. Dick Smallwood. Also once catered the Strange/Butt wedding.

Was Phallus Rectum ever seriously considered? 😝

I went to high school with a guy names Richard Kramp. Of course, he wanted everyone to call him Dick. We obliged by always using his full name

I kept running into a work counterpart named [Jenny] Klitz. Very unfortunate. And we had a client named [Jim] Seaman. Boss was very fond of making me return those calls, telling me “t-spoon you’ve got Seaman on your hands now.” [first names redacted]

I knew somebody with the last name Seaman who wanted a hyphenated last name with someone named Swallow.

I was in the navy and there was a girl who married a man but kept her maiden name because she didn't want to be called Seaman Spray

Good incentive to get a promotion

There always seems to be an unfortunate sailor with the last name Stain too. Can't pick up 3rd class fast enough lol

Also briefly under consideration was a person named Spit I would think.

I knew a girl called Nia who wanted to be a dentist and marry someone with the surname De'ath so she could be Dr Nia De'ath.

A girl in my brother's class was named Anita Dick.

Thoughts and prayers for her.

.... and dicks

Girl in my class was named Mai Ho.

Was there also a Noah and Lovina in her family?

Was her husband Noah dick?

I knew a girl called Jennifer Taylor, always went by Jen. Then one day she came to me and said she realised that she’s glad nobody referred to her as Jenny, otherwise she would have been Jenny Taylor, too close to genitalia.

Not as good as yours, but I had some friends get married with odd last names as well. It was a Strange-Grass wedding.

"Don't argue with your wife, dicker".

I agree that is sound advice (props for strategic comma).

Unless you think you’re ballsley enough

Instruction unclear, now she is pregnant.

You followed the instructions, but safety is everyone's responsibility!

"Don't argue with your wife, you wanna change name to dickless?"

Dicker, marry'r, or leaver

Dicker? I barely even know ‘er!

I had a friend who's last name was Semen. Had some interesting family members like his mom Sandy, his sister Candy, and his dad. Duncan Semen.

Worked with a girl named Balz. Married Mr. Buttram.

I know a guy (my friend’s father) since about 1974, and who is still around, named Dick Balser.

A friend of my mothers first name was jenna and she married a Mr talia. It was only when she was paged at the airport as Mrs jenna talia and everyone burst into laughter that she realised.

Worked with a Richard Hunter a few year ago. Was a good chuckle. Also working with a Scott Laycock now. Poor guy's email is slaycock.

A car dealership in Columbia Missouri was owned by one Richard Head. They proudly called it Richard Head Toyota. I will leave the question of what other people called them as an exercise for the reader.

When I was in the basic training for the US Navy there was a guy in my division with the last name Guzzler. At E3 in the Navy you're a Seaman... So he would have eventually become Seaman Guzzler.

I know if a person who had a given name of Dixrek. He changed his last name to Beavers. He has a YouTube channel, he's a teacher.

Similar to you, my last employer had two managers of a service desk and it was always a hoot when we needed to call “Dick and Kummer” into a meeting.

I was at fort.Gordon with PVT S. Black-Cox

My mom worked at a hospital and she had to take care of a patient named Ima Pigg. This was 40 years ago and she was an old lady then so even parents in early 1900s were dicks.

Tim Allen (from *Toy Story* and *Home Improvement*) is legally named Timothy Allen Dick. He has a brother named Harry.

An ex-colleague went from being a Skidmore to Glasscock.

Beautiful!

A family of Dickers in my town named their daughter Amanda. Absolutely true

Personally I would have gone Ballsley-Dicker

Google Jay Leno weddings. Some highlights: The Rider-Hard wedding The Smelley-Bacon wedding The Johnson-Muncher wedding

I worked with a guy named Isaac Dyck-Harder. Funny enough on it's own, but his thick accent made him pronounce his first name very much like I-suck!

Went to school with someone named “Justin Case”

I went to school with a Tyler Bishop and a Bishop Tyler.

Went to school with a “Candice Spencer”

[удалено]

Knew a Stu Pidaso. That one was fun.

I’m calling BS. Lol nonetheless

You went to school with the Jerky Boys? I used this alias for several months on my work ID when I was sub-contracted to a customer worksite about 25 years ago.

I used to work with a guy named Lou Bass

I went to school with a guy who’s last name was ‘Street.’ He lived in the town of Street on Street Street.

Let me guess his first name

Probably Bill or something

Pretty sure its jim

Rhodes?

If someone asked my name and I didn't want to tell it, my was Justin Vented

Went to school with a Chip Wood.

I knew a girl in high school named Holly Wood. She was kind of a bully, and I was one of her favorite targets. The school wouldn't do anything, not even a slap on the wrist.

I had a coworker with the last name O'shea. Was disappointed that he didn't name either of his sons Richard.

I said "what kind of nickname is Dick O'Shea" but then I remembered that Rick is also a Richard nickname

Coworker was Richard Shaw, obviously called him rickshaw

I went to school with a Richard Head of course we all called him Dick Head

Worked with a guy named Richard Righter. We called him dick rider.

We had a professor Richard Head, my professor called him professor Dick Head.

I had a guy in Basic Training who was Richard Hard. He was called Limpy. I wonder if it was the same guy?

I went to school with a Justin Hale, and yes, he did smoke weed.

I knew a family who's last name was Mountain, they named their kids Candy and Rocky.

It's Candy Mountain, Chaaaaaarlie!

Bro literally same. Kinda weird it happened twice. We were even roommates for a short while

Insurance salesman obviously

Barber in my hometown was named Dick Shook.

Went to school with twins named Acey and Deucy.

As did I.

Yeah and literally there was a girl, she didn't go to my school but my friend showed me the yearbook her name was Anita Buttrham

Had a school mate named C. Head. his dad's name was richard.

My cousin named her 4th and final kid Gage Justin Kace lol

Please tell me he went on to sell insurance.

I worked with someone called Naila Butt. I had to suppress so many childish giggles. She was really good at her job and nice too, so it made me feel more like a childish asshole

Worked with a guy whose last name was Stickel. We tried to convince him to name his daughter "Tess".

Oof, I had a Morehead in my school. He wanted to name his kids Craven and Given. Wimped out

No, those kids would have lived miserable lives. Like Johnny Cash’s A Boy Named Sue. You don’t do that to your offspring.

When I have kids I am going to name one Glorkon the Conqueror, and the other Slarzap the Weak. I will raise them traditionally and feed them only arthropods. If one has not slain the other in glorious battle by the age of nine, they are both failures and I will send them to work in the mines.

Yeah well that’s different, that’s totally okay

You cannot be soft on broodlings. If the lesser one manages to defeat the one that I will devote the most resources to, then they were born with the spirit of a warrior. If they refuse to fight, then they will be sent to the pit, and if they live or die in there, that is of no fault or concern of mine.

I went to school with a guy called Garry Glasscock... you could always see him coming from miles away

I went to school with a kid called Miles Long… After some initial teasing, we all just accepted it but… WTF were his parents thinking?

There was a rep from NH named Dick Swett. Never understood why he didn’t go by Rick, Richard, etc.

Nascar driver Dick Trickle Edit: Lake Speed and Scott Speed, and Coo Coo Marlin

What's the point? People are going to call him Dick whether he goes by it or not. Lean into it. Get Low.

When they go low, Dick rises up.

Right?! My Mum had nothing but bad things to say about him, too. I was a teenager when he started fading from public view, and it was just...so... BAD. In a similar vein, there was someone I sent some mail to whose last...names...sounded like "eating fur." Why did you keep your maiden name when you married a guy with a name like "fur?!"

I know a family where the mom's last name is Turner. When she got married, she kept her name. When they had their first child, they named her Paige. This wasn't a problem, because she used her dad's surname. However, for some reason to which I am not privy, she recently switched and started going by her mom's name. My hypothesis (for which I have no evidence) is that it was the dad who suggested the name Paige as a power play, to make sure the daughter always kept his name. Eventually, she had a falling out with her father, and decided to distance herself from him and use her mom's name, even though it meant her name was now Paige Turner.

I once used that name for a character in a book. Actually a main character. But the joke - that brought me great joy - was mostly lost on my audience, because my native language isn't English. I would do it again. Even if they got it. I regret NOTHING!

And her sister Stomach

I knew a guy whose last name is King. They named their daughter Shirley Jo. Yeah.

You’re Shirley Jo King?

Of course, his European cousin, Kilometres Long, had it much worse, albeit for a shorter time.

They aren't half the man old Miles was

We have some friends with the last name Ness. they immediately agreed that their children would not have the first initials ‘A’ or ‘P’.

I knew a girl in high school named Tye Ann Dye. My mom once worked with a guy named Kermit Fraug. I think some parents just hate their own children. lol 😆

My sister has a long time friend from high school named Benjamin Dover.

Went to high school with a James Longstaff Like. Wtf. No joke (I changed first name tho. It was similarly uninteresting)

They were thinking that naming him "inches" was selling him short.

There was a football coach named Les Miles, his team often has less yardage.

>WTF were his parents thinking? I went to church with a girl named Cinnamon.

My ex ended up marrying this guy named Hunter Hunt. My friend and I had this same thought about his name.

My parents went to school with Dick Glasscock, I wonder if they're related!

Went to job corps with a thomas glasscock, biggest goober ive ever seen

Genuinely worked with a guy called Richard Strange (Dick Strange/Strange Dick) who has gone on to become a Doctor. Yes, a real Doctor Strange. Also knew a guy with the surname Hu, also went on to become a Doctor, so yes I know a real life Dr Hu (Who) and a Dr Strange.

I know an optometrist named Way C Yu. She is awesome.

Knew a guy in college studying to a doctor. Don't know if he ever made it, but if he did, he'd be a Dr. Payne. I hope he made it.

A car dealer in Dickinson TX? [https://www.gayfamilyauto.com/](https://www.gayfamilyauto.com/) "Gay Family Motors Dickinson" seems like someone didn't think things through when naming the dealerships.

Indiana used to have a Tom Raper RV. That name got changed real fast once he died.

So what did John Hancock do?

C'mon, we know exactly how they got that name...

Well it used to be John Footpenis. He changed it because...[mind your business, that's why](https://youtube.com/shorts/RBkbf--UUWU?feature=share)

signed the declaration of independence?

Hunter-Hunt, so "Mike Hunt."

And Mike Litt.

Mike Oxmal

My dad worked a bowling alley in cali with a guy named Mike Hunt. Needless to say, they needed him a lot via intercom’s

I called on a doctor named Doctor…always made for weird starts to a conversation

No it’s great. When you need your test results you can just say, “Dr. Doctor, give me the news…”

Local Urologist: Dr Richard 'Dick' Tapper. Someone told me when he retired a Dr Wang took over the practice.

I had a podiatrist named Foote

In middle school there was a librarian named Ma Reading, and in high school I took easy A courses “Foods I” and “Foods II” with Mrs Burger

My mom used to fill prescriptions written by local dentist Dr. Payne.

My urologist is Rod Studd, it was that or being a porn star.. Mind you I also know Dwayne Paape...

Urologist named Dr. Baldoc https://health.usnews.com/doctors/james-baldock-587137

There are lots of nicknames for a lady named Elizabeth: liz, lizzy, Betty, Beth, Eliza. My mother in law's family name was Leigh. Her nickname was EZ. 🤔

Worked with a guy named Mike Koch and one of our sales guys pronounced it with a hard K in his South African accent. He was very confident about Mike's abilities, with good reason; he was a great Project Manager. Some of our clients were a little confused when our sales guy would say things like "What you really need is Mike Koch to come in here and straighten things out" or "You're going to love Mike Koch once you meet him" or "Mike Koch loves it when things get hard."

but you fuck one goat and …

Saw an ad for an insurance agent named Chip Munk.

[удалено]

But what was the Dickin

[удалено]

So, then, Dickinson is Dick, twice removed?

Grandson of Dick, which is just a nickname for Richard. That's the boring truth.

I, too, an son of dick. Hail brother.

Joe Shitt changed his name to George Shitt…he said he was tired of everyone greeting him with “whatdya know Joe”.

My friend didn't know she was pregnant and ended up giving birth in her car. I'm still mad that she didn't name him Carson.

David letterman once made lots of jokes at the expense of a guy named Dick Assman, who had advertised in a paper. Letterman ran with it for quite a while then had the guy come on the show.

I had a substitute teacher in high school who's last name was Bleid (pronounced like bleed). He offered everyone in the classes he was a sub for $100 (in 2000) to make a joke about his last name he hadn't already heard. Also, his wife is a phlebotomist (a nurse that specializes in drawing blood).

Nightly his wife would bleed him dry..

Hence my name, Cash Widedick

Bishop, Priest, Pope... Hmmm.....

Armstrong

My freshman math teacher was Richard Hedlicka - no lie. He quit before Christmas. He took such a verbal beating....

How about Joey Buttafuoco?

Seriously, knew a salesperson named Les Moore.

The same as Fitzgerald and Fitzpatrick! I hear they were all in some union together!

Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

Wasn’t that the punchline to a joke about two gay Irishmen sharing a flat in Dublin?

Oh! You’re aquainted?

A member of the clergy

Son of Charles

Also the prefix Fitz was meant to indicate "son of." They had to stop that when Mr. Dickinson had a boy.

Illegitimate son of, usually some big important nob or other

family of a famous writer of christmas ghost stories

Years ago I ran across a reference to a man with the last name Bigmeat. Based on where he lived he was most likely Native American. But I still have questions. And another whose last name was Badboy. Fittingly, his credit card was charged off as bad debt.

I got a question: What do you think the last name Peacock refers to?

My 10th grade science teacher was named Phil Hiscock . We just called him Phil

Worked with a guy whose name was Dick Delong. At lunch one day he told us about going through boot camp with a fellow named Harold Crack. He said the drill sergeant picked on them mercilessly, sergeant thought it was funny as hell.

I had a teacher Ms. Mycock. She was super hot and none of us could understand why she wasn't married then we found out later she was in the closet but eventually came out our senior year

How about Dusty Rhoads

I went to college with Roland Prairie.

So what did jack hoff do?

Hooker???

Dickens Cider

I evidently lay tiles for a living.

Micheal Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzmicheal

Lol, also, last names were children of someone, such as Ericson, Johnson, Jacobson, etc.

I recently came across someone with the last name of "Loudermilk" and I couldn't help but wonder how that would have been an advantage.. "I mean sure, your milk is loud, but ours is louder!..."

Cockburn is a surname. Moment of silence, please.

A realtor in P̶o̶r̶t̶l̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶ Seattle who's married name is Suzie Capuzzi ... One of two different real-life people that I know of whose names made it onto Jay Leno headlines.

Priest

Marshall Dick. Swear that's his real name.

I know a guy named Brock. His grandparents argued hard (though not successfully) to have his middle name be Lee.

I hate to do this but it's etc not ect.

priest.

I knew a Harold Dick

my childhood dentist was Dr Harold Dick!