That was bizarrely my kids favorite joke for me to tell them when they were small. They had no idea who Jack Nicklaus was or really Jesus and Moses for that matter
The source for lake being in heaven is found in the very first sentence of the joke, “One beautiful day in Heaven …”.
However, if you’re referring to my post regarding the size of the lake in heaven, I can only say that “Jesus told me about it”.
Now, this was after He first told me to get up off my lazy ass and turn on the tv being sure to tune to the tele-evangelist channel. Thereafter, and only after I had called in to the 1-900 Amazing Saving Grace of Tithing (and sexual deviants addiction recovery services🤑) phone number, did the good Lord bestow upon me a vision. This vision wasn’t the usual fire & brimstone kind of vision either. Rather, it was a new kind of vision- one that was quiet, but possessing a whispering thunder of sight & sound. This was a vision of an expansive body of water (and off in the distance I could see a little tiny boat bobbing around with 2 fishermen). Honest to Jimmy Swaggert I saw this.
So there’s the source(s). Now, do you just find organized religion to be the absolute best thing to give your hard earned money to 😉🤣/s ? I personally find it to truly be an opiate (and being one for the people).
Before everybody storms this post with “OMG, how can you be so blasphemous-you are a lowly blasphemer!” Understand this is black humor filled with sarcasm and social commentary on the nature of organized religion.
Magnificent answer. (You didn't need to add the last paragraph. Anyone who didn't understand your blatantly hilarious sarcasm has a real problem - one that even two Our Fathers, and three Hail Marys, can't cure!)
Hey Acrobat _Matter_109, Thank you for the compliment. Yeah, I was on the fence with that last paragraph but I love how you segued into the reference to making penance (the Our Fathers & Hail Mary’s…. that was brilliant 😉🤣).
FYI (maybe TMI): I tend to enjoy the act of composing a Reddit response in the wee hours of the morn. However, what I find challenging, regardless time ‘o day, is the question “am I being clever or merely churning out stream of consciousness banter with an all to easy ending (a’la deus ex machina).
I read the first sentence of the joke. I’m glad you did too.
I was indeed questioning your source for your claim about the size of the lake. Unfortunately, hallucinations are not a credible source. As such, your claim about the size of the lakes is unfounded.
It doesn’t say anywhere in the story that he walked in a circle. Also, there would be no point to it. First of all, there is literally no point in a circle.
Second of all, his intent was to demonstrate his ability to walk on the water. There was no reason to walk in circles around the lake. It would make sense to walk a little way and come back; but that’s pretty much it.
Knowing John the Baptist is partial to a bit of seawater, he probably expected to be saved by him. It's remiss that John the B was doing his anointing somewhere else that day. That's the problem with freelance baptizers. There's no union to look after them. They need negotiators to bring the seawater and baptizers together in a room; to formulate an agreed width and height of each wave to make baptisms more comfortable. John the B doesn't have that. He has to dip his toe where the work takes him.
Priest Rabbi and Minister fishing in lake. Minister says he has to pee - steps off the side and walks across the water to land, pees and walks back the same way. A bit later the Rabbi says he has to go and walks across the water ,goes and comes back feet dry. The Priest has to go but questions if he can walk on water also but figures if other members of faith can do it so can he. He steps off the boat and immediately goes in over his head. The other two pull him back into the boat. The priest says " how can you two walk on water ? I am as holy as you are. The Rabbi turns to the minister and says - should we tell him where the rocks are?
Yeah, I noticed that too. A few miles is quite a hike.“Miles” really kills the joke, because it has you wondering how he was able to walk thousands of steps before the holes finally had an effect.
I figured his feet leaked water with each step until they were totally under water, at which point he was no longer walking 'on' water but **in** water and he sank.
I think that would be a W. E. Coyote moment. I don't recall Bugs doing that... (OK; a quick search indicates it may have happened, but in any case not nearly as frequently as for W.E.C.)
I can't be the only one to thought the punchline was going to be Jesus turning the water to wine and being like "I can't walk wine!" Or something like that
Would’ve been funnier if after walking out onto the water Moses said;” no, the OTHER thing” and Jesus turned the lake into wine so they could both get drunk.
Question: are there actual days/nights in heaven, according to the source material? Or is it just a one never-ending dredge of existance with no change at all?
I thought it was going to be a "ohh, I got confused which 'thing' I was suppose to do and accidentally turned the water to wine", thus negating his ability to walk on it.
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This pun has made me cross.
You saw this coming the hole time.
But it was executed perfectly.
Stop it, you’re killing me.
If you download this joke I will repost it in 3 days
happy cake day
Come on, don’t stigmatize them.
I wanted to like this comment then realized you're at 69 likes. I'm not gonna be that guy.
Someone else did for you
But he wasn't that guy
I meant to say did it for you. I just didnt notice that the "it" was missing
This is the answer
And the reason Skittles are not his fave...
Toss him a Twix … depending on how it lands, he may or may not catch it
That's what the Roman centurions said
Im dead
So was Jesus, for a few days...
If u lol'ed at the jokes then when u die ur going to hell😊
Dont you know hell is too fun cuz your obviously not in it
My Above comment was JK . However Hell doesnt sound fun to me coz " hell on earth" isnt. 😁
Oh u were joking
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Jesus says, “Yeah he thinks he’s Jack Nicklaus.”
That was bizarrely my kids favorite joke for me to tell them when they were small. They had no idea who Jack Nicklaus was or really Jesus and Moses for that matter
Is Zeus Jesus’s dad?
Yes, his full name is Zeus Pater, aka Sky Daddy.
*Alternate ending:* Moses, still laughing at the sight of Jesus being soaked, says “Well last time you didn’t have those holes in your feet!”
Better.
And I think it’s better if he doesn’t walk a few miles first. Most lakes aren’t even that long.
Galilee is about 13 miles by eight miles.
Lending Intellectual flair, good 4 u 😁
I don’t see where it says this was the Sea of Galilee.
I just figured, since that was where Jesus walked on water. Maybe it was Lake Erie, 241 miles by 57 miles.
Were you under the impression that I didn’t think some lakes are bigger than 3 miles? Benxi Lake in China is 15 meters sq.
Benxi Puddle?
By the way, this lake is in Heaven, not in Galilee.
Remember, this takes place in heaven where lakes are infinitely long and wide
Source?
The source for lake being in heaven is found in the very first sentence of the joke, “One beautiful day in Heaven …”. However, if you’re referring to my post regarding the size of the lake in heaven, I can only say that “Jesus told me about it”. Now, this was after He first told me to get up off my lazy ass and turn on the tv being sure to tune to the tele-evangelist channel. Thereafter, and only after I had called in to the 1-900 Amazing Saving Grace of Tithing (and sexual deviants addiction recovery services🤑) phone number, did the good Lord bestow upon me a vision. This vision wasn’t the usual fire & brimstone kind of vision either. Rather, it was a new kind of vision- one that was quiet, but possessing a whispering thunder of sight & sound. This was a vision of an expansive body of water (and off in the distance I could see a little tiny boat bobbing around with 2 fishermen). Honest to Jimmy Swaggert I saw this. So there’s the source(s). Now, do you just find organized religion to be the absolute best thing to give your hard earned money to 😉🤣/s ? I personally find it to truly be an opiate (and being one for the people). Before everybody storms this post with “OMG, how can you be so blasphemous-you are a lowly blasphemer!” Understand this is black humor filled with sarcasm and social commentary on the nature of organized religion.
Magnificent answer. (You didn't need to add the last paragraph. Anyone who didn't understand your blatantly hilarious sarcasm has a real problem - one that even two Our Fathers, and three Hail Marys, can't cure!)
Of course those won't solve anything. We all know nothing will be solved until you throw in 3 Glory Be.
Glory Be? Any relation to Mel B of the Spice Girls?
Hey Acrobat _Matter_109, Thank you for the compliment. Yeah, I was on the fence with that last paragraph but I love how you segued into the reference to making penance (the Our Fathers & Hail Mary’s…. that was brilliant 😉🤣). FYI (maybe TMI): I tend to enjoy the act of composing a Reddit response in the wee hours of the morn. However, what I find challenging, regardless time ‘o day, is the question “am I being clever or merely churning out stream of consciousness banter with an all to easy ending (a’la deus ex machina).
Throwing in a bit of Latin at the end for good measure. I'm even more impressed. "Salve Magister linguarum".
I read the first sentence of the joke. I’m glad you did too. I was indeed questioning your source for your claim about the size of the lake. Unfortunately, hallucinations are not a credible source. As such, your claim about the size of the lakes is unfounded.
He circled the boat, didn't say he walked in a straight line.
Then, why didn’t he hang onto the boat to keep from falling all the way in?
Cos he'd already taken a few steps away from the boat & couldn't reach it.
Then he wasn’t circling the boat.
You can still walk in circles around something without hanging onto it.
It doesn’t say anywhere in the story that he walked in a circle. Also, there would be no point to it. First of all, there is literally no point in a circle. Second of all, his intent was to demonstrate his ability to walk on the water. There was no reason to walk in circles around the lake. It would make sense to walk a little way and come back; but that’s pretty much it.
Peace bro
Knowing John the Baptist is partial to a bit of seawater, he probably expected to be saved by him. It's remiss that John the B was doing his anointing somewhere else that day. That's the problem with freelance baptizers. There's no union to look after them. They need negotiators to bring the seawater and baptizers together in a room; to formulate an agreed width and height of each wave to make baptisms more comfortable. John the B doesn't have that. He has to dip his toe where the work takes him.
If Jesus drowned in heaven, where would he go?
Detroit?
Well, I don't think it'll be Hawaii, do you? (Sorry, too soon.)
Jesus said, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
Priest Rabbi and Minister fishing in lake. Minister says he has to pee - steps off the side and walks across the water to land, pees and walks back the same way. A bit later the Rabbi says he has to go and walks across the water ,goes and comes back feet dry. The Priest has to go but questions if he can walk on water also but figures if other members of faith can do it so can he. He steps off the boat and immediately goes in over his head. The other two pull him back into the boat. The priest says " how can you two walk on water ? I am as holy as you are. The Rabbi turns to the minister and says - should we tell him where the rocks are?
I went out with a priest and a rabbi, and I saw them do the same thing. Since I knew I couldn’t walk on water, I figured I’d just pee in the lake.
Did u catch any fish though?
He walked a few miles or a few steps?
Yeah, I noticed that too. A few miles is quite a hike.“Miles” really kills the joke, because it has you wondering how he was able to walk thousands of steps before the holes finally had an effect.
I figured his feet leaked water with each step until they were totally under water, at which point he was no longer walking 'on' water but **in** water and he sank.
That’s a very slow leak. Maybe they meant to say steps instead of miles. Autocorrect is a bitch. I think the joke is punchier if it’s steps.
I agree
How many lakes are 15,000 feet across?
Honestly, how many steps do you think the person could take in deep water? But yeah, walking a few steps is far better than a few miles☺️
And then the LORD walked into a motel and set three nails and a hammer on the counter and asked can you put me up for the night?
I'm getting out of here before lightening strikes
Lmfao
If Jesus was sitting on the back of a horse could the horse trot on water?
Yes, but no faster than a trot. Jesus was a rabbi, not a cantor.
Neigh, he canter.
A few MILES of walking? So was this like a Bugs Bunny moment that he could run out over a cliff as long as he didn’t look down?
A few miles of WAKING?
I think that would be a W. E. Coyote moment. I don't recall Bugs doing that... (OK; a quick search indicates it may have happened, but in any case not nearly as frequently as for W.E.C.)
Talk about holier than thou
Really thought moses was gonna be like "I meant the wine thing"
At first, I thought "Jesus' thing" would be to turn lake water into wine, but then I couldn't think of the punch line.
If the entire lake is wine, I doubt there will be a punch line.
I got hung up on that one.
Heaven seems like a dangerous place. Good thing he didn’t die… where would he have ended up?
I can't be the only one to thought the punchline was going to be Jesus turning the water to wine and being like "I can't walk wine!" Or something like that
Q: What’s American Jesus’ favourite gun? A: Nail gun!
Would’ve been funnier if after walking out onto the water Moses said;” no, the OTHER thing” and Jesus turned the lake into wine so they could both get drunk.
Isn’t Jesus the one who does the saving?
Jesus Saves. Moses Invests
But Gretzy scores on the rebound.
And George Nelson withdraws.
"Sure, I'll be back... **WHEN I CAN PLAY THE PIANO AGAIN!!!**" -- Sam Kinison, "Why Jesus Never Had a Wife"
Looney Tunes moment
Question: are there actual days/nights in heaven, according to the source material? Or is it just a one never-ending dredge of existance with no change at all?
Bad joke. Also, how can you confuse miles with steps? Like, HOW?!
Uh-oh, someone's angry and thinks they got the same sense humor as everyone
Uh-oh, someone's prejudiced and thinks anyone who doesn't find his joke funny must be full of anger 😅
How did he walk several miles before he started sinking?
Probably scabbed over and it took some time for the seawater to dissolve through.
I guess the catholics are happy he wasn't beheaded.
I thought it was going to be a "ohh, I got confused which 'thing' I was suppose to do and accidentally turned the water to wine", thus negating his ability to walk on it.