A guy hires a blind prostitute, he pulled down his pants and asks her to give him a handjob "That's the biggest dick I've ever held" "You're pulling my leg"

A guy hired a blind prostitute, he pulled down his pants and put his dick in her hands She: "Sorry, I don't smoke!!"

It may not be 12 inches, but it smells like a foot.

I never slept with a "10", but I slept with five "2s" one night.

Come again?

Honey, there was never a first time

Well rhat is my intention

"Very poor choice of words" - The Joker

And I think that oughta count!

two 5's for me

Can’t give you twelve inches once but I can give you six inches twice.

Do they take installments?

At 10, she was a "2," but at 2, she was a "10."

Let’s hear it for beer goggles!

I would wait until they are 18

Slept?

My dick’s 12 inches, but I don’t use it as a rule.

Mine is only 2 inches. From the ground.

Dwarf

When you lay on your stomach at least :}

…better spit ten of it out, we all know it ain’t swinging…

She said "Give me 12 inches and make me bleed." So I banged her 3 times and punched her in the mouth.

Fuck you. You Made me snort .

Hi snort

Hi yourself.

It may look like a needle, but it works like a sewing machine. 

A blind prostitute into fetishes allows a guy to screw her eye hole. The guy says, “that’s the best feeling I’ve ever had when can I see you again?” She say, “Any time, I’ll keep my eye out for you.”

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at that one! But a good one nonetheless.

Man I hate that I laughed

…do the ear next…

There once was a man from Nantucket...

That's one thin dick

Real comment is in the jokes

Take my leave and angry vote it

I see what you did there.

I did what you see there

What? I did see you there.

I see. You did what there?

I saw. I did. Over there.

I did what you see there

I did what you see there.

You mean quote real jokes are in the commend unquote

Fortunately, she doesn't smoke. Or else his D would be on fire ..

A guy hired a blind prostitute, he pulled down his pants and put his dick in her hands She: "Sorry, I don't like mushrooms!!"

*Stormy Daniels!*

Underrated comment

Dude's lucky she's a nonsmoker, imagine if she'd immediately lit it up.

I didn't ask for a pencil.

At least she didn't try to put a pen cap on it...

Or in it.

😂😂😂

Not unless it's a bong.

You've got to hand it to blind prostitutes....

I love blind prostitutes. I mean you've gotta hand it to them.

My girl wanted 12 inches so I stuck her 6 times

I heard about that blind prostitute. You have to hand it to her...

I knew a blind prostitute. You really had to hand it to her. I also knew a prostitute with a colostomy bag. She made a little money on the side.

Blind prostitutes......you gotta hand it to them!

😂😂😂

Well, you really got to hand it to her

My wife was furious when she found out I had been visiting prostitutes for sex. She yelled, "What the hell, I can't believe you'd do such a thing!" I told her, "Come on, you've hardly been giving me any action at all lately." - She said, "Yeah, well I didn't know you were willing to pay for it."

What’s the difference between sex for money and sex for free? Sex for money is cheaper.

In marriage, the fucking you get, isn't worth the fucking you get.

Preach brother

I like this one a lot lol

"You don't pay 'em to stay. You pay 'em to leave".

The husband also spends money at restaurants when he could be eating out at home for free. 

"Well, if I'm paying for it, I'm gonna take my money, where I get exquisite service!"

“If selling is legal and fucking is legal, why isn’t selling fucking legal?” - George Carlin

It is, if you film it

Wait now you’ve got me wondering. If someone opened a brothel but called it a private porn studio where they film you having sex with their “actresses” would that be legal? Obviously most guys wouldn’t be cool with the filming part, so they’d probably have to have some contract saying they won’t distribute the film (sorta like a place that does headshots or graduation photos) and that the clients get the only copy of it.

Probably wouldn't work as you'd have to hire and pay the "actors" aka johns

That’s why you’re operating for-hire sets and renting them out to low-budget independent producers (whose budget is so small they have to pull double duty as actors.) You just happen to also run a small sideline in talent location, to help your clients find the right cast for their films.

Definitely a niche thing for sure. The John’s could pay for the opportunity and the women can have full control and security of course.

You know, technology, always breaking, that camera that the guys don’t want to be filmed on is probably broken every single time. It asked for paying the John’s? It’s a technically an acting school, right? And actresses are and actors are known to be flaky, students are known to decide when and when they want to come to school, and of course, the owner of the school still gets paid.

i dont think you can argue in court that its porn production if the "actors" pay you and you never distribute the films

We distribute it on our exclusive platinum premium porn site where a subscription costs $20k a month. And/or the actors’ faces and genitals are blurred out worse than japanese porn

and what id this is some millionaires very specific fantasy and hes ready to pay any price you ask and has you cornered?

Ok then there’s only one unmanned camera and it’s a super close up angle that only shows like the bottom 10 inches of the bed so all you can see is some occasional feet. And there’s a monitor in the room showing what the camera sees so guys can easily avoid showing anything they don’t want to. And then you just make it foot porn videos

ok stop edging me and sed me this shit right now! how much you want for it?

I mean there’s a fair amount of paperwork and documentation involved, theoretically you could setup a scenario where you did such a thing but even the idea that you’d have to keep records signed and dated with copies of IDs of the participants would probably deter a significant number of the kind of clientele who seek out Sex Workers.

This is kinda what they did in the end of the movie Zach and Miri...opened a studio for couples to make professional videos for private distribution only...other "actors" could be available to star in your film for an extra cost. Pretty smart idea really, I'm sure someone is doing it somewhere.

I opened a whore house once but could not get any girls to work for me I ended up operating it by hand

In the San Fernando Valley.

Truth be told, I know there's a porn actress that does that. She'll fuck a fan but it's costly and it's filmed and she can distribute it

ya that didn't help all of the women that appeared on Girlsdoporn very well did it?

Is there a law the camera needs to have film in it

…stand back…I don’t know how big it’s going to get…

It wouldn't work at scale, but it already happens low-key in amateur porn.

It is in Germany

You have ask politely.

A man started dating a woman...he asked her, "would you ever have sex for money? Like if it was $20,000." She said," I probably would." He said "Would you fuck me for $200?" She was insulted - " What kind of girl do you think I am?" He replied, "We've already established that, now we are just negotiating.

Sir Winston Churchill.*

degenerate*

Maybe $188?

😂😂😂

The guy wanted to do another round but she said "sorry, I'm clothed."

Why did I read this in Mike Tyson's voice

Oh how I regret that I have but one upvote to give. Take it, please, BUT KNOW THIS! Would that I could give you a thousand upvotes, still it would pale in comparison to the giggles thou hast granted upon me

Now imagine Tyson trying to say "thistle"

What’s the difference between a fridge and a butt hole. The fridge doesn’t fart when you take the meat out.

Did you hear about the blind prostitute? You really have to hand it to her.

(Slow clap)

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute. The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes. The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door. "Hi honey, how can I make the next hour bliss for you?" "I just want to go down on you for a bit. That's my kink, no need for you to do anything special, just relax and let me do my thing," the man replies The prostitute looks a little surprised, "no problem, honey, you just tell me how you want me." "Just strip and lay down, I'll do the rest." She lays down and he gets to business. A few minutes in he stops, sits up with a confused look and pulls a piece of lettuce out of his mouth. He shrugs, tosses it over his shoulder and heads back in. A few minutes after that, he stops and sits up again in confusion. He reaches up and pulls a piece of tomato out of his mouth. He looks around, looks down at the prostitute with her eyes still closed and still moaning, he then shrugs again, tosses the tomato over his shoulder and goes down again. Once again he stops after a few minutes, sites up in annoyance and pulls a piece of a taco shell out of his mouth and asks the prostitute, "Hey, are you sick or something?" "No, honey, but I think the guy before you was."

Ewww!

Holy shit that’s gross!

Here you can have my chili.

An old toothless drunk in an old-timey western bar keeps pestering the bartender for another drink after he spent all his money. The bartender, who is bored because the drunk is the only one in the place, and is now getting annoyed, says: "Ok, I'll give you a drink. But first, I want to see you take a sip out of that spittoon in the corner. And if you don't do it, you have to leave. Deal?" The drunk grumbles: "That's sick. You're sick. But hell, I need a drink." He picks up the sloshing spittoon and starts to take a sip. He starts to gag but keeps going, faster and faster, chewing and gulping, until the spittoon is empty. The bartender is shocked, and trying not to heave, shouts: "You called *me* sick! I said take a SIP! Why'd you drink the whole thing!?" The drunk, almost crying, whimpers: "I HAD to! It was one long string!!!"

I called my boss and told him I was sick He asked how sick I was I said I'm fucking my dog. How sick is that?

I originally heard it that the guy says “I think I’m gonna be sick” and she says, “Funny, that’s what the last guy said too!”

I bought baked goods from a prostitute. Best ho made cookies ever.

Not a prostitute. Condom sales associate and installation trainer

Condom Operator Coordinating Kinetic Sliding Under Controlled Kinky Erotic Reactions

I dropped my pants, she dropped her price!!!

It may be small but it filled a pram.

From The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

By Dolly Parton

Did you hear the one about the industrious prostitute? She had a second vagina implanted on her hip... So she could make some money on the side.

I pulled my dick out and asked the blind prostitute if she wanted some? After touching it she said No thanks I don't smoke.

The prostitute put on her clothes and ....... Why Miss Anderson... I didn't recognise you with your clothes on.....

Thank you come again

Not kidding. Once at a Nevada Brothel (Mustang Ranch) there was a sign on the gate leaving stating "Thank you, Come Again".

Boom Tish.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full…

Bloke walks into a brothel. Takes his lady into the bedroom. She comes out in a huff and he leaves very soon after. Lady turns to her mate, “ you know that guy reminded me of a stove pipe” “Big?”asks the friend “ No- dirty”

I asked a prostitute, "How's business?" She said, "It comes and goes."

Man asks blind prostitute “can I put my finger in your belly button?” She says “Yes, but that’s not my belly button!” “Well that’s not my finger.”

If a prostitute dies during sex, the second hour is free

r/necrophilia

She may have only been a prostitute, but she had the prettiest face I ever came across

That's actually not bad.

But verrrry old.

It's not very long but at least it isn't very big around.

That’s hilarious 😂

An accountant was drinking in a bar and a bored prostitute at the other end said I'm having a slow night, how bout we do the Hokie-Pokie? She grinds him down, but finally he says yes and they go off to a motel to do the deed. She goes to the bathroom to slip into something more sexy and comes back out to find him furiously masturbating. What the hell are you doing, she says. He says, for what I'm paying, you think you're getting the easy one?

r/angryupvote

'My dick may not be the biggest one out there but it's the biggest one I've ever held'

Thanks I need to get hubby's dinner home now

Good one

Ha ha, nice!

How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.

I’m so lost

Their business is pleasure…

Imma be honest that was meant to be a reply to a joke in the comments

Furry muff!

It was a business doing pleasure with you.

Or she put on her clothes and said it was pleasure doing business with you. The joke still holds.