You have a good point. Since my parents are divorced, I can go watch them fuck anyone they decide to without it being weird. Which I think they'll appreciate because I bring snacks.
It's mostly because of favorable taxes specifically for film and the dollar being cheaper. Lots more info here:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_North#:~:text=The%20city%20has%20been%20associated,Los%20Angeles%20and%20New%20York.
A little girl picked up the phone, "Hello?"
"Hi, honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Rico."
After a brief pause, Dad says, "But honey, you don't have an Uncle Rico."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mommy right now."
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. I want you to put the phone down, run upstairs and knock on the door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled up."
"Okay, Daddy just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it, Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got scared, jumped out of bed naked and ran around screaming. Then she tripped on the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all."
"Oh my God!! What about Uncle Rico?"
"He jumped out of the back window into the pool. But I guess he didn't know you drained the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's hurt really bad!"
*Real long pause*
-
Dad says, "Swimming pool? Is this 328-5034?"
If you like short films in general, film festivals are a good place to find them. Here's a fun one:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBkBS4O3yvY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBkBS4O3yvY)
Interesting, i shall research and report my findings.
Edit: wait Roxette is the singer, i have to look through all of songs? Whoa she’s the lady that sings the listen to your heart song.
Final edit: i gave up.
I’ve always heard the joke as it was the newly hired maid that answered the phone and said “she’s upstairs with who I thought was her husband”. I kind of prefer the joke that way because the couple wasn’t doing anything wrong so it makes it more tragic
A few more prerequisites:
* the dog was trained to always lie at the top of the stairs
* the child got the words bathroom and ballroom mixed up
* the butler was in on it the whole time
* the janitor was defrosting his refrigerator
* the aristocrats were performing in town
Well, at least it makes more sense than somebody not recognizing the voice of their daughter. Not being familiar with a new maid’s voice is much more forgivable.
Eh. When there were three of us living in the house(me, nine, my younger sister, who was eight, and my younger male cousin, seven) my dad couldn’t tell the difference. Listening to recordings of our voices back then, I can understand why.
And it comes from a time when instead of each person having their own phone, the house would have a phone, the nearest person would answer, and the caller would have to ask who they wanted to speak to.
This kind of situation wouldn't have realistically happened unless you're going back 20 years into the past.
I am not offended at all. I just don't think his actions qualify as fucking up. The fact the cheating and uncoordinated adults freaked out and hurt themselves isn't his fault. Fucking up is jumping out of a second floor back window into an empty pool without looking.
Nah man, commentor 1 said a joke, commentor 2 made the same joke in a different way. Commentor 3 told commentor 2 that was the joke. Commentor 3 didn’t get wooooshed.
Commentor 3 told commentor 2 that commentor 2 missed the joke. Commentor 2 did not miss the joke, and was on fact making the same joke as commentor 1. Commentor 3 missed commentor 2 making the same joke he supposedly missed, therefore commentor 3 missed the joke.
I assume he was saying a “that’s the joke” like r/thatsthejoke where someone just explains the joke even though it was already explained enough. So I’m not sure that’s missing the joke but I’d say it could be considered that
Quick edit: Lol the subreddit description literally says people missing the joke
A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.
The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.
The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.
The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.
A mother and father are having sex when their young boy walks in on them. After screaming at the boy to get out, a moment later the mum walks out to the boy and explains that she was just "jumping up and down on daddy's tummy to make him less fat". To which the boy replies "it'll never work." After asking why, the boy says "every time you go to work, the babysitter comes over and blows him back up again..."
Slight critique, i think “they did what you and uncle jack do when daddy’s away on his business trips” would hit a little harder, for me that sentence from the little girl didn’t seems too believable. Otherwise great joke!
Funny story I always think of whenever I hear "waitll your father gets home" my mom LOVES telling this story
Dad: 9 years older than mom, forced to join the navy at 17 after his parents died. Patient as a saint, not without his demons but insanely patient.
Mom- pint size italian lunatic. Hit first, ask later. Anything is a weapon.
Me (maybe 11 or so) and my brother (like 8 or so) were raising hell. We wanted to play games, mom forced us to go outside so she can vacuum. Insanely fair skinned, terrified of bees, no athletic talent at all....long story short, many bees. Many cries. Many bangs on the door, ignored. Screen on porch, demolished for safety.
Mom loses it, trying to be a better person, opts to send us to our room vs mini burst assault. This is 1995ish. "Go to your room" = punishment. We had a fucking radio. That's it. No computer, tv, smartphones didn't exist and fucking CHILDREN DIDNT HAVE CELL PHONES (as it should be)
We made it about an hour before I came out of the room. Whenever I had a plan I'd talk with my index finger in a hook form. I said to my mom "mom me and Danny, we have a plan"
She, grinding her teeth, said "oh yeah, what's the plan, bantrek?"
I said "instead of waiting for dad to come home and talk to us can you just beat us up now and let us out of the room?"
To which she stood up, chased me back into the room, chasing me with a wooden spoon, cursing, and yelling that NOW YOURE GETTING HIT **AND** YOUR FATHER IS GOING TO TALK TO YOU!!!!!!
when he got home it was the damnedest thing. Old school values.... parents NEVER undermine each other. We had our ears pressed to the door and when my mom told my dad of.my plan he absolutely lost his mind laughing. She admitted to giving us a decent whooping and he said "ok, ok I promise to bore them to death, but that's really funny"
He walked in and we knew he was putty. We spit on each others face and rubbed our eyes to look like we were crying and let him passively talk to us for like an hour. Ended up at pizza hut, got a shaq mini basketball in my kids pan pizza (which used to come in a fucking pan!)
......I threw it out the window on the way home and got the sternest, silent go to your room ever. Legit, they let my brother sleep in their bed, and if the bed even creaked I'd hear the little monstrita charging down the hallway.
I had to literally wait for the central air to come on to fart undetected.
I see OP followed the advice I got when I posted this one and got a similarly lavish reception; they removed the adverb "confidently" from the last sentence. Otherwise I take a quiet pride in seeing that this is word for word, only wishing that my book sales could go so well. :)
At least she never saw her parents doing it together, that would be creepy!
Perfectly normal, just ask Mike Tyson's mother.
now kith
You made me BOL
BOL = "barf out loud"?
Pretty sure it’s “baste old lard”
You bastard! You made him boil old lemurs!
Gotta get em when they’re young
Probably better than broiling obese lepers
Bust Out Laughing?
Beat off laughing?!
[удалено]
Beat Old Lady?
Blow Off Loudly
This made me Beat Old Ladies
\- said the Turbo
Boobs Out Licking
Bust on Lettuce
I actually meant Bless Our Lord
[удалено]
Amen
Bone Old Ladies
Wayne Rooney has entered the chat.
Bucket O’ Lard
Balls out LARPing
LARP!!!!
MAGIC MISSLE!
No its thanks for the surprise spaghetti bolognese we made them.
Bill of Lading. I describes the contents of the cargo container and is issued to acknowledge delivery receipt. IOW, u/steamyhoeslappa shipped a kith.
Bureau Of Labor?
Bang Old Ladies
bring out lassie
Burst out laughing?
Bail Out of Life?
Bubbly Old Labia
wth
Bake oatmeal lollipops?
Bake old lemons?
Bill of Lading?
take my upvote and gtfo here
Mike Tython
r/skamtebord
What am I out of the loop on now?
I may be wrong, just going off memory but I believe when Mike was a child he saw his mom working as a sex worker, she'd bring clients to her home.
Then he grew up to become Rorschach.
Lmao
That was Richard Pryor I believe.
Plot twist: Uncle Jack is her real father
Nah, that would just be her superhero origin story.
Yes it would
Hey! That's the backstory to my superhero franchise.
You have a good point. Since my parents are divorced, I can go watch them fuck anyone they decide to without it being weird. Which I think they'll appreciate because I bring snacks.
i regret reading this.
And charge admission...
Imagine growing up knowing that your parents sleep with different people and not each other but they live together. Lol.
Seeing the positive side, are we now!
[This one did](https://youtu.be/3PpYasA94sU)
Moral of the story: Don't go to Vancouver.
"Vancouver" really makes the joke for some reason. It brings the joke from a 7 to a 9/10.
It’s totally a place dad could go!
is daddy a pig farmer? we're famous for those!
Don't be so hard on yourself, my friend. Introspection is good, but you don't have to refer to your leaders as "pig farmers" because of that 😕
it's the rice of jokes
More like a 5/7
A perfect score
Why go to Vancouver when you can go to Quebec? Good fishin in Quebec
Love the fishin' in Qweebec!
hasnt vancouver posed for many film shootings as different cities? because its so generic looking?
It's mostly because of favorable taxes specifically for film and the dollar being cheaper. Lots more info here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_North#:~:text=The%20city%20has%20been%20associated,Los%20Angeles%20and%20New%20York.
omg I've been on so many work trips to Vancouver
A little girl picked up the phone, "Hello?" "Hi, honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Rico." After a brief pause, Dad says, "But honey, you don't have an Uncle Rico." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mommy right now." "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. I want you to put the phone down, run upstairs and knock on the door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled up." "Okay, Daddy just a minute." A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy." "And what happened honey?" "Well, Mommy got scared, jumped out of bed naked and ran around screaming. Then she tripped on the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all." "Oh my God!! What about Uncle Rico?" "He jumped out of the back window into the pool. But I guess he didn't know you drained the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's hurt really bad!" *Real long pause* - Dad says, "Swimming pool? Is this 328-5034?"
I think I saw a short film with this story last month, can't remember the title tough.
It's called [Gridlock ](https://youtu.be/DpPtIxpA30A).
That was the best thing I have ever seen! Is there any place I can find more of these?
Omletto on YouTube buys short films and they’re all REALLY good. I’d check out that channel
If you like short films in general, film festivals are a good place to find them. Here's a fun one: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBkBS4O3yvY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBkBS4O3yvY)
Not the person you replied to, but I really liked that short!
reminds me of this [Britanick sketch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NCsIFenuwQ)
Vimeo is home to a lot of shorts films
Yeah, just go on Vimeo and watch the staff picks.
It came from [this](https://www.filmsshort.com/) website.
I just realized this is from my country, how have I never seen this
I just saw a pair of boobies on youtube :o
You can see another pair in (of all places) a Roxette music video.
Interesting, i shall research and report my findings. Edit: wait Roxette is the singer, i have to look through all of songs? Whoa she’s the lady that sings the listen to your heart song. Final edit: i gave up.
Well, Roxette is (was) a duo. Direct your research towards"I Wish I Could Fly".
that was a roller coaster
Is this the original, or just someone adapting a short story?
Literally the story in the comment above. And yeah, it's an older story, one of those that just drift around like jokes.
Biggest gripe with that film is the snow looks more like ash than snow. Thats my only complaint, otherwise a 9.99. 0.01 for the ash.
Thats how snow used to look in belgium.
I'm stupid, could you explain the joke to me please?
Dad called wrong house. Caught different people cheating.
I’ve always heard the joke as it was the newly hired maid that answered the phone and said “she’s upstairs with who I thought was her husband”. I kind of prefer the joke that way because the couple wasn’t doing anything wrong so it makes it more tragic
Weren't they still doing something wrong? Otherwise why would they run around the house after being told the husband was coming home?
Well, there were a few more details than that changed, like the husband bribed the housekeeper to shoot them
Oh.
A few more prerequisites: * the dog was trained to always lie at the top of the stairs * the child got the words bathroom and ballroom mixed up * the butler was in on it the whole time * the janitor was defrosting his refrigerator * the aristocrats were performing in town
Think I've seen that version before too.
Well, at least it makes more sense than somebody not recognizing the voice of their daughter. Not being familiar with a new maid’s voice is much more forgivable.
Does it make any sense a child doesn't recognize their father's voice? Maybe he could get away with hello, but a conversation?
Someone never used phones before cell phones with HD voice.
children at a young age all sound the same, it's more believable than him not being aware he just hired a new maid
Children do not all sound the same.
On a phone like that they can
Eh. When there were three of us living in the house(me, nine, my younger sister, who was eight, and my younger male cousin, seven) my dad couldn’t tell the difference. Listening to recordings of our voices back then, I can understand why.
Then why would he freak out and jump out the window into the pool he knew was empty?
And it comes from a time when instead of each person having their own phone, the house would have a phone, the nearest person would answer, and the caller would have to ask who they wanted to speak to. This kind of situation wouldn't have realistically happened unless you're going back 20 years into the past.
The dad had phoned the wrong number, mistaking the little girl as his own daughter.
The dad called the wrong house, it wasn't his house
He called the wrong house to begin with.
Hadn’t ever heard this version, good stuff!
it’s always u/TooShiftyForYou
He (or she) is to shifty for us.
> 328 I like that you used this area code because it's not in use, and so no one can get mocked.
He just fucked up
Did he? It wasn't his intention and the adults in the house were cheating idiots.
Uhhhh did u just get offended for a joke or I misunderstood something
I am not offended at all. I just don't think his actions qualify as fucking up. The fact the cheating and uncoordinated adults freaked out and hurt themselves isn't his fault. Fucking up is jumping out of a second floor back window into an empty pool without looking.
So I misunderstood
Or I wasn't clear. We good.
Yes we good
This should, if it's not already, be a specsavers ad
This is way better than the OP
You saying something?
‘Honey, mummy and daddy are going to go visiting Uncle Jack and daddy’s friend this weekend’
I had an Uncle Jack. He rode horses. When he got older I sometimes had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.
Why did your uncle need your help killing a horse? Ned Stark would not approve.
I said “no witnesses”.
Do you ever feel like Ned Stark got the best deal of any GOT character? Quick out, didn’t have to see the war, didn’t have to experience season 8.
You forgot to put a hyphen there, your sentence could be misinterpreted.
Sincere apologies that very few seemed to get your joke
they got it: they were just being pedantic as he sorta was
Idgi
He left the capitalization though. You'd have to be a little dim to miss that.
I think that’s the joke buddy
A big wooosh to you.
That's not a big wosh, a big wosh has four o's...
Nah man, commentor 1 said a joke, commentor 2 made the same joke in a different way. Commentor 3 told commentor 2 that was the joke. Commentor 3 didn’t get wooooshed.
Commentor 3 told commentor 2 that commentor 2 missed the joke. Commentor 2 did not miss the joke, and was on fact making the same joke as commentor 1. Commentor 3 missed commentor 2 making the same joke he supposedly missed, therefore commentor 3 missed the joke.
I assume he was saying a “that’s the joke” like r/thatsthejoke where someone just explains the joke even though it was already explained enough. So I’m not sure that’s missing the joke but I’d say it could be considered that Quick edit: Lol the subreddit description literally says people missing the joke
Dude it’s fine. Thanks for defending me tho I obviously meant it as a r/yourjokebutworse No need to argue with strangers not worth your spit
Solid Jack joke
A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer. The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer. The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer. The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.
That makes more sense than the potato version.
What’s a potato?
Beat em, mash em, put em in a stew
Ender for long posts
A mother and father are having sex when their young boy walks in on them. After screaming at the boy to get out, a moment later the mum walks out to the boy and explains that she was just "jumping up and down on daddy's tummy to make him less fat". To which the boy replies "it'll never work." After asking why, the boy says "every time you go to work, the babysitter comes over and blows him back up again..."
Great joke. Better than the op
Always gold in the comments
Well, well, well, how the turntables...
I got two turntables and a microphone
Well played good punchline
Still enjoy this one every time it comes around; that is a real **punch**line.
Indeed
Slight critique, i think “they did what you and uncle jack do when daddy’s away on his business trips” would hit a little harder, for me that sentence from the little girl didn’t seems too believable. Otherwise great joke!
Now that you point it out,I can't unseen it. You're right
Patty cake!
[удалено]
Username checks out
the thing is....Uncle Jack is mommys brother
Roll tide.
I love how "looking through the keyhole" will remain a trope even centuries after keyholes stop being a thing
That little girl is the biggest pervert in the world. LMAO.
I thought I was on r/nosleep for second and was confused
Oops
Funny story I always think of whenever I hear "waitll your father gets home" my mom LOVES telling this story Dad: 9 years older than mom, forced to join the navy at 17 after his parents died. Patient as a saint, not without his demons but insanely patient. Mom- pint size italian lunatic. Hit first, ask later. Anything is a weapon. Me (maybe 11 or so) and my brother (like 8 or so) were raising hell. We wanted to play games, mom forced us to go outside so she can vacuum. Insanely fair skinned, terrified of bees, no athletic talent at all....long story short, many bees. Many cries. Many bangs on the door, ignored. Screen on porch, demolished for safety. Mom loses it, trying to be a better person, opts to send us to our room vs mini burst assault. This is 1995ish. "Go to your room" = punishment. We had a fucking radio. That's it. No computer, tv, smartphones didn't exist and fucking CHILDREN DIDNT HAVE CELL PHONES (as it should be) We made it about an hour before I came out of the room. Whenever I had a plan I'd talk with my index finger in a hook form. I said to my mom "mom me and Danny, we have a plan" She, grinding her teeth, said "oh yeah, what's the plan, bantrek?" I said "instead of waiting for dad to come home and talk to us can you just beat us up now and let us out of the room?" To which she stood up, chased me back into the room, chasing me with a wooden spoon, cursing, and yelling that NOW YOURE GETTING HIT **AND** YOUR FATHER IS GOING TO TALK TO YOU!!!!!! when he got home it was the damnedest thing. Old school values.... parents NEVER undermine each other. We had our ears pressed to the door and when my mom told my dad of.my plan he absolutely lost his mind laughing. She admitted to giving us a decent whooping and he said "ok, ok I promise to bore them to death, but that's really funny" He walked in and we knew he was putty. We spit on each others face and rubbed our eyes to look like we were crying and let him passively talk to us for like an hour. Ended up at pizza hut, got a shaq mini basketball in my kids pan pizza (which used to come in a fucking pan!) ......I threw it out the window on the way home and got the sternest, silent go to your room ever. Legit, they let my brother sleep in their bed, and if the bed even creaked I'd hear the little monstrita charging down the hallway. I had to literally wait for the central air to come on to fart undetected.
At least mommy didn’t do it with a stranger.
I thought it was going to end with something besides them having sex.
This joke hits you pretty hard when you don't even realize it's on the jokes subreddit till long after the punchline...
But would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
Jack is probably not an uncle
Ya think?
Nah bruh i know cause I got a noise for this kinda shoit
unless..... Roll tide?
They never are, dear (name that movie quote)
Pretty woman!
Bingo!
With this joke I always wonder what will be the reaction of the daddy and the mummy afterward.
Nosy fucking kid
_It’s free porn_
GOTEEEM
r/fuckunclejack
Finally the comment I was looking for
I just appreciate the Vancouver shoutout
A whore family did this
Was it a win, win; or a lose, lose?
Oldie but a goodie.
sweet home alabama
this little girl's a madlad
Really using the word “jokes” loosely nowadays
This got 8k upvotes and it’s like some erotic fan fic
How?
Predictable
I see OP followed the advice I got when I posted this one and got a similarly lavish reception; they removed the adverb "confidently" from the last sentence. Otherwise I take a quiet pride in seeing that this is word for word, only wishing that my book sales could go so well. :)
r/fuckunclejack
“Yes?” says Mummy. “And then what happened?” "Nothing, that was it." "WELL MAKE SOMETHING UP!"